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[NoctisVsStar]

Alright, so my annoying samey posts have been posted and I appreciate all the advice I was given, but I have one problem that seems to still not have gone away.

I am not blonde anymore which according to the general public, is an improvement

I thought that my hair change might raise interest and it has but not in the best way, all it is now is just guys thinking im some seductress which I am not. FYI I changed my hair because the blonde was hurting my hair too much.


I have been on some dates that seemed successful, they smile/laugh, find out shared interests, keep eye contact, and then after the date say that they had an amazing time and that they really like me... I am not getting kissed after these dates (not that its mandatory I just find it weird that its happening so often now). Then after that day they start to slowly stop texting me and either get sick for our next date or never set up another date. I am getting really annoyed by this shit and I am trying to think of what I am doing wrong. I dress for the weather but still look nice, I have not been showing any cleavage lately maybe thats why lol.

I feel like its because I am not flirty on my dates, I treat them like a friend but I do smile and show interest and listen/respond to everything they say...I dont know.

What do you all think? Is my lack of eyelash batting or tit display the problem?

The display of your cleavage it attracts the wrong the crowd and they don't get to meet the real you and what makes you unique, instead they just stare like a creep into yours boobs so I admire/love the conservative approach! You're doing good on that end keep it up! However, you pretty much answered your problem, you treat them like a friend and some guys aren't good receiving signals of interest. So just be yourself and try to be just a lil more flirty in a playful way I know it's hard but you can do it.

Btw what color is your hair? ;P

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Alright, so my annoying samey posts have been posted and I appreciate all the advice I was given, but I have one problem that seems to still not have gone away.

I am not blonde anymore which according to the general public, is an improvement

I thought that my hair change might raise interest and it has but not in the best way, all it is now is just guys thinking im some seductress which I am not. FYI I changed my hair because the blonde was hurting my hair too much.


I have been on some dates that seemed successful, they smile/laugh, find out shared interests, keep eye contact, and then after the date say that they had an amazing time and that they really like me... I am not getting kissed after these dates (not that its mandatory I just find it weird that its happening so often now). Then after that day they start to slowly stop texting me and either get sick for our next date or never set up another date. I am getting really annoyed by this shit and I am trying to think of what I am doing wrong. I dress for the weather but still look nice, I have not been showing any cleavage lately maybe thats why lol.

I feel like its because I am not flirty on my dates, I treat them like a friend but I do smile and show interest and listen/respond to everything they say...I dont know.

What do you all think? Is my lack of eyelash batting or tit display the problem?

So what exactly do you do to show interest? Do you have any physical contact? Understanding what you do or what you don't do might help.

 

[gugi40]

I don't know what advice to really give you other than inquire how you are actually showing interest towards them? Seems like they may not feel like you're interested in them by what you are doing, so maybe you have to make it a little more blunt just to get the message across.

Skipping out on a date by saying they are sick is definitely showing they don't want to pursue further since they don't try to set up another date.

Not really sure other than maybe trying to push for a second date a little and not be passive about it since the interest might not be conveying otherwise

Well, the thing is, the guy told me he was feeling sick for the first date and I was ok with that because I didn't feel well either, but then we set up another date and went on that and it was pretty good I think. Then we set up a second date and he told me he was sick for that and said he would make it up to me, he message me the next day but I didn't respond because reasons, I responded eventually though.

The display of your cleavage it attracts the wrong the crowd and they don't get to meet the real you and what makes you unique, instead they just stare like a creep into yours boobs so I admire/love the conservative approach! You're doing good on that end keep it up! However, you pretty much answered your problem, you treat them like a friend and some guys aren't good receiving signals of interest. So just be yourself and try to be just a lil more flirty in a playful way I know it's hard but you can do it.

Btw what color is your hair? ;P

Yeah that is the reason I make sure to cover up a little when on a date. The problem is, I don't know how to flirt :C I suck at it and get way too nervous and end up doing something weird. I get so nervous before dates that I have to take two aspirin just to settle my stomach before every date. I think that maybe it is the dates I go on, often we are in a restaurant or coffee shop or in a very public place where I don't feel comfortable getting flirty. Then there is the other fear of a guy getting the wrong idea when I flirt and thinking I just want to bang them....Which I would just outright say if I in fact did want that.

My hair is now a dark crimson that fades into a blue-black.

So what exactly do you do to show interest? Do you have any physical contact? Understanding what you do or what you don't do might help.

I don't know, I don't often find myself touching them at all until we end up hugging at the end...ugh. I smile and laugh a lot, I hold their gaze, I ....ok fuck I think I know.

Yeah pretty much I don't compliment them until after the date (on text) and I don't ever go in for physical contact unless they make the first move. That approach used to work for me back when i was 18, the fuck happened? I don't like the thought of me twiddling my hair or using bedroom eyes... it feels too fake for me because I never do that shit

I go into dates thinking "ok look pretty and make sure they know you are funny and intelligent" and I thought that was enough.

Why are they leading me on then? saying oh you are so pretty, and smart, and blah blah blah and then just fucking off a day after the date?

 

[NoctisVsStar]

My hair is now a dark crimson that fades into a blue-black.

I don't know, I don't often find myself touching them at all until we end up hugging at the end...ugh. I smile and laugh a lot, I hold their gaze, I ....ok fuck I think I know.

Yeah pretty much I don't compliment them until after the date (on text) and I don't ever go in for physical contact unless they make the first move. That approach used to work for me back when i was 18, the fuck happened? I don't like the thought of me twiddling my hair or using bedroom eyes... it feels too fake for me because I never do that shit

I go into dates thinking "ok look pretty and make sure they know you are funny and intelligent" and I thought that was enough.

Why are they leading me on then? saying oh you are so pretty, and smart, and blah blah blah and then just fucking off a day after the date?

that sounds sexy with all due respect, i would talk to you under normal circumstances lol

back to the topic you should be straight forward and ask them well what's your intention? are you looking for a serious relationship, or you just dating/F****** around? there's certain type of questions that you can ask that will help you narrow down their intent and not waste your time which is sounds like you're dates are doing.

On the second bold do not over complicate yourself remember they are the ones who are pitching themselves to you not the other way around. Be confident and just be yourself never think that " you aren't good enough or i'm missing this or that", a common error a lot people do they put on their best persona and as time passes by and then they cant keep up that brilliant first impression then they feel lied to.

 

[gugi40]

that sounds sexy with all due respect, i would talk to you under normal circumstances lol

back to the topic you should be straight forward and ask them well what's your intention? are you looking for a serious relationship, or you just dating/F****** around? there's certain type of questions that you can ask that will help you narrow down their intent and not waste your time which is sounds like you're dates are doing.

On the second bold do not over complicate yourself remember they are the ones who are pitching themselves to you not the other way around. Be confident and just be yourself, a common error a lot people do they put on their best persona and as time passes by and then they cant keep up that brilliant first impression they feel lied to.

It probably is sexy I wouldn't know, I personally think it is pretty cool I still don't recognize myself in the mirror like "oh shit who is that!" lol.

Well, on their profile it states their interest, and usually I stay away from guys that write "Looking for someone fun" which 9 times out of 10 means "Looking for someone dtf" I have just been feeling like there is no winning lately....a good date to me may be just a mediocre one to them since I am not racing for their D.

Well I just make sure to be myself, what I meant is to not downplay myself in an attempt to not scare them away because I am usually a loud(and not screamy because that other dating thread says loud girls are red flags :/ wtf) laughy person that likes to have conversation with others.

 

[NoctisVsStar]

It probably is sexy I wouldn't know, I personally think it is pretty cool I still don't recognize myself in the mirror like "oh shit who is that!" lol.

Well, on their profile it states their interest, and usually I stay away from guys that write "Looking for someone fun" which 9 times out of 10 means "Looking for someone dtf" I have just been feeling like there is no winning lately....a good date to me may be just a mediocre one to them since I am not racing for their D.

Keep up the good fight and don't get discouraged girl, you sound like genuine nice person so sooner or later you'll find your prince charming.

Edit :"Well I just make sure to be myself, what I meant is to not downplay myself in an attempt to not scare them away because I am usually a loud(and not screamy because that other dating thread says loud girls are red flags :/ wtf) laughy person that likes to have conversation with others".

being a goof ball is plus sweet thing imo, i'm spanish so we are usually type loud so Jipan can confirm it's no problem to us lol

 

[davepoobond]

Well, the thing is, the guy told me he was feeling sick for the first date and I was ok with that because I didn't feel well either, but then we set up another date and went on that and it was pretty good I think. Then we set up a second date and he told me he was sick for that and said he would make it up to me, he message me the next day but I didn't respond because reasons, I responded eventually though.

not saying this applies in this specific case, but it could be a factor for all we know: not getting a message for a whole day kind of signals a lack of enthusiasm as far as being interested in the other party. i know that whenever i text someone and they dont get back to me the same day, it isn't very encouraging, so i'll just hop back onto the dating site(s) and look for the next person.

 

[j0hnnix]

So it looks like I'm moving on to another girl. The first did not seem that interested which is what I suspected.. oh well.. the good thing is I'm not wasting my time.

 

[Symphonia]

Having everyone here click my profile has allowed me to see just how damn good looking you all are.

It's quite depressing.

 

[jadedm17]

It probably is sexy I wouldn't know, I personally think it is pretty cool I still don't recognize myself in the mirror like "oh shit who is that!" lol.

Well, on their profile it states their interest, and usually I stay away from guys that write "Looking for someone fun" which 9 times out of 10 means "Looking for someone dtf" I have just been feeling like there is no winning lately....a good date to me may be just a mediocre one to them since I am not racing for their D.

Well I just make sure to be myself, what I meant is to not downplay myself in an attempt to not scare them away because I am usually a loud(and not screamy because that other dating thread says loud girls are red flags :/ wtf) laughy person that likes to have conversation with others.

Sounds like you're dealing with boys when you're after a man. The world is full of flakey people, I've sure had my share of them. Hell my last ex and I became friends and when she started dating would tell me about how she handled herself after the dates and I'd tell her to be an adult and stop stringing people along. Confident women scare some people almost as much as the idea of being completely honest does.

Stay strong and keep trying, that's all we do; Learn what we can and stay optimistic.

I go into dates thinking "ok look pretty and make sure they know you are funny and intelligent" and I thought that was enough.

That's what's I do.

Spoiler

Pretty, handsome, whatever.

The problem with looking for love is you're looking for a lot of factors to line up. It's nothing personal, people are just cowards.

Having everyone here click my profile has allowed me to see just how damn good looking you all are.

It's quite depressing.

Aww, thanks; Flattery will get you everywhere.

 

[gugi40]

Keep up the good fight and don't get discouraged girl, you sound like genuine nice person so sooner or later you'll find your prince charming.

Edit :"Well I just make sure to be myself, what I meant is to not downplay myself in an attempt to not scare them away because I am usually a loud(and not screamy because that other dating thread says loud girls are red flags :/ wtf) laughy person that likes to have conversation with others".

being a goof ball is plus sweet thing imo, i'm spanish so we are usually type loud so Jipan can confirm it's no problem to us lol

Well if I can find a Prince Phillip then I will be happy haha, I just want a normal guy that treats everyone as equals respectfully....and doesn't want kids.

Being Italian I appreciate your Spanish loudness.

not saying this applies in this specific case, but it could be a factor for all we know: not getting a message for a whole day kind of signals a lack of enthusiasm as far as being interested in the other party. i know that whenever i text someone and they dont get back to me the same day, it isn't very encouraging, so i'll just hop back onto the dating site(s) and look for the next person.

Yeah that is what I do when I don't get a message for a whole day. I message these guys every day at least once, but sometimes I like to wait to see if they will message me first and it always just ends up them messaging me way later on and then not responding after 10pm....

Sounds like you're dealing with boys when you're after a man. The world is full of flakey people, I've sure had my share of them. Hell my last ex and I became friends and when she started dating would tell me about how she handled herself after the dates and I'd tell her to be an adult and stop stringing people along. Confident women scare some people almost as much as the idea of being completely honest does.

Stay strong and keep trying, that's all we do; Learn what we can and stay optimistic.

That's what's I do.

Spoiler

Pretty, handsome, whatever.

The problem with looking for love is you're looking for a lot of factors to line up. It's nothing personal, people are just cowards.

Well I am trying to date older, since they usually have their shit figured out mentally.

I just try to be as outgoing and enjoyable as I can, maybe that is frightening to some but I don't want those guys anyway.

I will just keep on keeping on, see where it takes me. Hopefully I get a guy that isn't a weirdo.

 

[jadedm17]

Well I am trying to date older, since they usually have their shit figured out mentally.
.

I'm 27. My last girlfriend was 18. She was immature and cheated on me. Met a girl at a concert late July: she's 26. Own place, adult job, willing to see a concert she likes alone. "An adult?!" I think with excitement. Nope, she's even crazier then my ex. (Got drunk our second date then order a hi-c and vanilla frosty combo. Shockingly it came back up.)

Best of luck, but my experience is sadly to say the age-to-maturity thing doesn't always check out.

Note : My first girlfriend supported her mom, my second was a nurse on a naval ship; I was spoiled by the maturity of my first two 18 year old girlfriends and haven't found that in the 7 years since. Damn, the "dating game" is exhausting, I'll admit that.

 

[NoctisVsStar]

I'm 27. My last girlfriend was 18. She was immature and cheated on me. Met a girl at a concert late July: she's 26. Own place, adult job, willing to see a concert she likes alone. "An adult?!" I think with excitement. Nope, she's even crazier then my ex. (Got drunk our second date then order a hi-c and vanilla frosty combo. Shockingly it came back up.)

Best of luck, but my experience is sadly to say the age-to-maturity thing doesn't always check out.

Note : My first girlfriend supported her mom, my second was a nurse on a naval ship; I was spoiled by the maturity of my first two 18 year old girlfriends and haven't found that in the 7 years since. Damn, the "dating game" is exhausting, I'll admit that.

wait what? that's a huge age difference let alone you almost 30 and she's 18 if she can't legally drink that's a red flag, i mean at 18 nobody knows what they want. That's jailbait territory for me personally my rules are not to date anyone below 21 ( I'm 26 )

 

[ameratsu]

Well if I can find a Prince Phillip then I will be happy haha, I just want a normal guy that treats everyone as equals respectfully....and doesn't want kids.

[...]I will just keep on keeping on, see where it takes me. Hopefully I get a guy that isn't a weirdo.

What do people mean when they use terms like normal and weirdo? Normal as in, chews with mouth closed and is nice to waitstaff? Is it down to mannerisms? I find these terms baffling within the context of dating, maybe someone could elaborate on this for me.

 

[NoctisVsStar]

What do people mean when they use terms like normal and weirdo? Normal as in, chews with mouth closed and is nice to waitstaff? Is it down to mannerisms? I find these terms baffling within the context of dating, maybe someone could elaborate on this for me.

Normal: a regular down to earth dude, enjoys a beer, sociable, humble, outgoing etc
Weird: wears girl underwear kinda thing, anti-social, hates everything just cause, doesn't like when you touch his teddy bear, pushes you away if you give public affection etc

idk another way to put it.

 

[jadedm17]

wait what? that's a huge age difference let alone you almost 30 and she's 18 if she can't legally drink that's a red flag, i mean at 18 nobody knows what they want. That's jailbait territory for me personally my rules are not to date anyone below 21 ( I'm 26 )

Jailbait? She's legal, jailbait is my buddies just turned 16 daughter who fb me "teach me what sex is like".

I was 26 when we dated, she turned 19 shortly after I did 27. Also cheating is horrible at any age.

That said: loneliness and she came on to me. Last year I had a girl leave me her number at my work and my buddy texted her from my phone a bit - I took it back, saw her Facebook and saw she was beautiful but only 18. I politely inform her she's too young and we stop talking. Months go by of no real prospects and this girl (my ex) keeps coming onto me and rubbing my beard at work. We started dating.

Yea, she was a weak point in my life but I wasn't attached emotionally and it was easy.

Normal: a regular down to earth dude, enjoys a beer, sociable, humble, outgoing etc
Weird: wears girl underwear kinda thing, anti-social, hates everything just cause, doesn't like when you touch his teddy bear, pushes you away if you give public affection etc

idk another way to put it.

Normal : Wears matching clothes and knows how to dress for what occasion, knows when to be weird and when to tone it back, doesn't order chicken fingers when out to dinner

Weird : Doesn't groom properly, tries to be funny too much and makes himself into a clown, feels entitled to things

Sadly my best friend - who is admittedly an awesome guy - falls into the "weird" category more often than not. Basically someone with a bank account, car, stable job and decent demeanor are gonna be far ahead of the rest.

 

[TopDreg]

After a few messages. You don't want to get your eggs in a basket by instantly offering up your number since it's kinda desperate/creepy. Gotta build a rapport first before going for the number. Personally I tend not to overthink messages and go with a how's it going/how's your day/weekend been going?

After my above epiphany, I was reminded of the fact that Tinder can be a bunch of smoke and mirrors. Pictures are everywhere so take some of the pics you see with a grain of salt.

And all of a sudden I got dates coming up this week. Thank you!!

 

[ameratsu]

Normal : Wears matching clothes and knows how to dress for what occasion, knows when to be weird and when to tone it back, doesn't order chicken fingers when out to dinner

Weird : Doesn't groom properly, tries to be funny too much and makes himself into a clown, feels entitled to things

Sadly my best friend - who is admittedly an awesome guy - falls into the "weird" category more often than not. Basically someone with a bank account, car, stable job and decent demeanor are gonna be far ahead of the rest.

I get where you're coming from with some of these points, but your weird list shares nothing in common with the person who answered before you. What you're talking about seems to be mostly social intelligence. Those who act in ways that could be judged to be socially inept, whether through ignorance or apathy, become weird by demonstrating what you would define as missteps?

 

[Psychoward]

Just popping up to say I've managed to see my first and only Tinder date consecutively for the past few weeks and we've been texting a loooooot and last night the L word was dropped (no not lesbians you perverts, the other one). And yeah, it feels fantastic and I'm incredibly happy. It's also a little odd, because really, what if she or I had swiped left. Anyway I don't want this to feel like to much of a brag post, so I'll just advise everyone else to stick with it, be persistent, and be confident. And yeah that's about it.

 

[jadedm17]

I get where you're coming from with some of these points, but your weird list shares nothing in common with the person who answered before you. What you're talking about seems to be mostly social intelligence. Those who act in ways that could be judged to be socially inept, whether through ignorance or apathy, become weird by demonstrating what you would define as missteps?

Ignorance is never an excuse.
Perception plays a big role so yes, I'd define those as weird. Of course the fun thing about dating is we all have different tastes so a lot of "weird" things can be cute.

Good : My ex used to rub my beard all the time at work for fun.
Bad : Last girl I dated left candles burning when we went shopping.

I'm talking in generalities and the fun thing about that is that it means nothing to the individual; a Generally speaking people say to wait when you get a girls number, but the last girl I was seeing I met at a concert and texted her the next day. That's one of the beauties of dating: You decide what's bad weird and you should change and what's a quirky personality trait of yours you want to share.

Just popping up to say I've managed to see my first and only Tinder date consecutively for the past few weeks and we've been texting a loooooot and last night the L word was dropped (no not lesbians you perverts, the other one). And yeah, it feels fantastic and I'm incredibly happy. It's also a little odd, because really, what if she or I had swiped left. Anyway I don't want this to feel like to much of a brag post, so I'll just advise everyone else to stick with it, be persistent, and be confident. And yeah that's about it.

Congratulations! I'm not giving up.

 

[Azulsky]

So I decided to reset all my questions on OKC and I reanswered about 150. From reading profiles and other potential match answers I feel I have a better idea of the ones that are on average most important(Things they care about). I also felt like many I had answered I was really more malleable on than the options they gave me.

Thing is now I am getting many 0% matches in Quickmatch and I have never seen that before.

I still really need to get more non selfie pictures and work on my profile itself. I feel like I am getting better at the latter with each iteration.

 

[Jhoan]

I figured it was a bit harsh but oh well if she's not interested enough its not a big deal.. ill move on to the next.

Nah, I think it's fine. You have a good outlook on it so do keep on trucking.

wait what? that's a huge age difference let alone you almost 30 and she's 18 if she can't legally drink that's a red flag, i mean at 18 nobody knows what they want. That's jailbait territory for me personally my rules are not to date anyone below 21 ( I'm 26 )

Personally, I'm also 26 and I don't see what the problem is with dating a girl who's under 21 other than the fact that I can't go to a bar with them (and yes, many girls that age don't know what they want but they're fun to date). Some girls under 21 are pretty mature from what I've seen; in fact, the girl I went out with Saturday was 20 and was pretty cool so it varies from person to person.

And all of a sudden I got dates coming up this week. Thank you!!

Good luck man and you're welcome. Hopefully they don't flake on you and your wallet doesn't take a beating. Getting dates on Tinder lately has been hard for me so the sooner you offer to meet up in person, the better I always say.

Just popping up to say I've managed to see my first and only Tinder date consecutively for the past few weeks and we've been texting a loooooot and last night the L word was dropped (no not lesbians you perverts, the other one). And yeah, it feels fantastic and I'm incredibly happy. It's also a little odd, because really, what if she or I had swiped left. Anyway I don't want this to feel like to much of a brag post, so I'll just advise everyone else to stick with it, be persistent, and be confident. And yeah that's about it.

That's great man. Hopefully it works out for you guys.

Speaking of being persistent, I think I'm gonna delete my Tinder soon for about a month to focus on getting through these last few weeks of school and see if I get a few classmates' numbers. I find myself running out of matches and debating whether or not to hit up girls who liked my Moment pictures that I'd forgotten about. A girl on OKC liked me back about 2 weeks ago but I rarely if ever use it these days that I haven't updated my profile since the summer.

 

[Symphonia]

Okay, question for you. A girl messages me on OKCupid. She's gorgeous, sounds like a great person - but she's only turned 18. She asked if the age gap is an issue (I'm 26, nearly 27) and I just kind of skirted the question. She keeps bringing it up. Now, legally, she's fair game. But I just find it kinda weird going with someone that young. Am I being stupid?

 

[Admiral Woofington]

Okay, question for you. A girl messages me on OKCupid. She's gorgeous, sounds like a great person - but she's only turned 18. She asked if the age gap is an issue (I'm 26, nearly 27) and I just kind of skirted the question. She keeps bringing it up. Now, legally, she's fair game. But I just find it kinda weird going with someone that young. Am I being stupid?

Personally I'd have a problem with anybody younger than my youngest sister at first, but it shouldn't be an issue unless you make it one. If it gets serious then people might make comments here and there, but if you don't let it bother you it shouldn't matter. A bigger 'issue' for close circles is when a woman dates a guy that is much younger. Which in a progressive world is pretty fucked up to still have that mentality.

If the younger woman ended up clicking really well with me then fuck the haters.

edit: it might become an issue if they're still in high school though. So yeah make sure that isn't the case haha

 

[gugi40]

I'm 27. My last girlfriend was 18. She was immature and cheated on me. Met a girl at a concert late July: she's 26. Own place, adult job, willing to see a concert she likes alone. "An adult?!" I think with excitement. Nope, she's even crazier then my ex. (Got drunk our second date then order a hi-c and vanilla frosty combo. Shockingly it came back up.)

Best of luck, but my experience is sadly to say the age-to-maturity thing doesn't always check out.

Note : My first girlfriend supported her mom, my second was a nurse on a naval ship; I was spoiled by the maturity of my first two 18 year old girlfriends and haven't found that in the 7 years since. Damn, the "dating game" is exhausting, I'll admit that.

Which is why I said usually, believe me I know some people that are 40 and still behave like teenagers. I like to look for older guys because a lot of the time they know already if they do or do not want kids, where young guys all say they do without thinking about what having a child entails...or they say they dont and then suddenly turn around and say "i want childreb and I want you to be their mother, it would make me so happy!" Ahem bf #2.

What do people mean when they use terms like normal and weirdo? Normal as in, chews with mouth closed and is nice to waitstaff? Is it down to mannerisms? I find these terms baffling within the context of dating, maybe someone could elaborate on this for me.

To me normal is, non homophobic, not sexist, not racist, and treats animals well.

 

[GK86]

Okay, question for you. A girl messages me on OKCupid. She's gorgeous, sounds like a great person - but she's only turned 18. She asked if the age gap is an issue (I'm 26, nearly 27) and I just kind of skirted the question. She keeps bringing it up. Now, legally, she's fair game. But I just find it kinda weird going with someone that young. Am I being stupid?

I have dated someone who was 18 at the start of yhe relationship. I was 23 (almost 24) at the time. It lasted 3 years.

I have slept with an 18 year old. 27 at the time.

Age, for me, was never a huge thing. I have almost always dated women younger than me.

 

[Symphonia]

Fuck it. She suggested meeting for a drink with the intention of a happy end to the night, I said yes.

#yolo

 

[Xun]

I think I asked a girl out too soon on Tinder, but I'm not entirely sure.

I don't have the patience to keep chatting online.

It's a shame since she seemed into me and I must've blew it with my last message.

I'm not holding out any hope she'll respond.

I really need to sort myself out with this whole thing.

 

[jadedm17]

Fuck it. She suggested meeting for a drink with the intention of a happy end to the night, I said yes.

#yolo

Hah, read the last page a little: Age difference is what we were just talking about.

Age is whatever, I say go for it. It might become a factor if you're looking to be serious but if all you want is some fun then it's a non-issue.

 

[davepoobond]

Fuck it. She suggested meeting for a drink with the intention of a happy end to the night, I said yes.

#yolo

What are you supposed to "drink" with an 18 year old?

 

[Symphonia]

What are you supposed to "drink" with an 18 year old?

I'm from the UK. Legal drinking age is 18.

Edit: Scored another hook up with a gorgeous 24-year old. We got sexting, she liked what she saw and said I should go 'see' her tomorrow night. OKCupid is fucking awesome.

 

[Jhoan]

It's a shame since she seemed into me and I must've blew it with my last message.

I'm not holding out any hope she'll respond.

I really need to sort myself out with this whole thing.

If anything, try shooting her another message. You gotta remember that people forget to check their messages, are busy, or are procrastinators; it doesn't necessarily mean "Fuck you, I'm not interested." If she doesn't respond after that second time, then shrug/chalk it up as being her loss, move on, and keep playing the swiping game. I don't think you should be placing high value on one girl since it sets you up for a world of frustration hence why if you do get multiple matches, you should message all of them (at least the ones that look interesting), and see where it goes.

I've had plenty of girls' interest fizzle on me that they didn't lead to any dates but life goes on. Case in point, I asked a girl for her number last night since my phone was sincerely going to die. She didn't respond after that when I got home and charged my phone. I'll try messaging her again tomorrow to see what's up and move on if she doesn't reply. It's that easy.

 

[Demon Lizardman]

Just met a hot Korean girl who models. Going to get to know her better and maybe get some coffee. Found her on Tinder btw.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

So, I've been doing the OKC thing for about three weeks now, and I need advice on one aspect: what pushes you over the hump as far as agreeing to meet people?

I've taken the approach that if I've managed an intelligent exchange of messages - maybe with 3 responses - I'll ask them for coffee or drinks. Ideally, on a weeknight.

But starting tomorrow, I'm on a gauntlet of dates in succession (and I know they are too, else they wouldn't be on a dating site, so I don't have ethical qualms). Obviously, we can't predict whom we'll actually click with, and this could also be the precursor to a very long dry spell, so I've got this major fear of missing out.

How discriminating are you all?

(Oh, and re: telephone numbers? After an exchange of a few messages, I drop the "If you prefer texting, my number is..." line. That part's easy, at least.)

 

[Symphonia]

Five or so messages before swapping numbers, ten or so before agreeing to meet. On the odd occasion, though, and depending on the girl, it can be earlier.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Five or so messages before swapping numbers, ten or so before agreeing to meet. On the odd occasion, though, and depending on the girl, it can be earlier.

10 total (i.e., 5 replies each), or 10 substantive messages from each person?

And, how does texting change that equation?

I think I'm clearly jumping the gun too quickly, and that's playing into my scheduling problem.

 

[Symphonia]

10 total (i.e., 5 replies each), or 10 substantive messages from each person?

And, how does texting change that equation?

I think I'm clearly jumping the gun too quickly, and that's playing into my scheduling problem.

I should've explained. Ten messages from her. I need to know if they're interested before swapping numbers, etc.

 

[freshair]

So, I've been doing the OKC thing for about three weeks now, and I need advice on one aspect: what pushes you over the hump as far as agreeing to meet people?

How discriminating are you all?

(Oh, and re: telephone numbers? After an exchange of a few messages, I drop the "If you prefer texting, my number is..." line. That part's easy, at least.)

If they're attractive, I enjoyed what I read in their profile, and their messages are responsive (re: not 1 word answers. They engage in a conversation) then I'm keen on meeting them.

This all happens within 10 or less total messages (usually 3-5 for me) in which we exchange numbers and figure out a date/time to meet.

I'm actually burnt out a bit on dating because of lining up too many dates at once (I know, it's a ~humblebrag type of problem~).

Okay, question for you. A girl messages me on OKCupid. She's gorgeous, sounds like a great person - but she's only turned 18. She asked if the age gap is an issue (I'm 26, nearly 27) and I just kind of skirted the question. She keeps bringing it up. Now, legally, she's fair game. But I just find it kinda weird going with someone that young. Am I being stupid?

I have no problems dating/going out/have sex with 18 year olds. But personally, if I'm looking for something long term, they're going to have to be around 23/24 at the least. It's just something I picked up on for me personally where they're a little more serious (and I'm generalizing - exceptions are out there) about dating and what they want out of a relationship/life/etc.

 

[radioactivez0r]

I just try to be as outgoing and enjoyable as I can, maybe that is frightening to some but I don't want those guys anyway.

I will just keep on keeping on, see where it takes me. Hopefully I get a guy that isn't a weirdo.

I didn't really see anyone mention this; lots of guys are dumb and don't pick up on subtle. If you like them, they need more than eye contact and politeness. Cross that bridge with an arm touch or something, anything that might give the impression that you are doing more than humoring them. I had a date once where I was having a great time and she seemed interested, but it wasn't until she put her hand on my knee that I was like "Oh!" and realized I was already in.

 

[gugi40]

I didn't really see anyone mention this; lots of guys are dumb and don't pick up on subtle. If you like them, they need more than eye contact and politeness. Cross that bridge with an arm touch or something, anything that might give the impression that you are doing more than humoring them. I had a date once where I was having a great time and she seemed interested, but it wasn't until she put her hand on my knee that I was like "Oh!" and realized I was already in.

Thanks for the input, I have a feeling thats what is going on, all my dates that turned into relationships had physical stuff in them....I dont know what changed maybe it is just me but I feel like guys are respecting boundaries more now than a couple of years ago, which I appreciate quite a bit...it just means that I now have to muster up the courage!

 

[Xun]

If anything, try shooting her another message. You gotta remember that people forget to check their messages, are busy, or are procrastinators; it doesn't necessarily mean "Fuck you, I'm not interested." If she doesn't respond after that second time, then shrug/chalk it up as being her loss, move on, and keep playing the swiping game. I don't think you should be placing high value on one girl since it sets you up for a world of frustration hence why if you do get multiple matches, you should message all of them (at least the ones that look interesting), and see where it goes.

I've had plenty of girls' interest fizzle on me that they didn't lead to any dates but life goes on. Case in point, I asked a girl for her number last night since my phone was sincerely going to die. She didn't respond after that when I got home and charged my phone. I'll try messaging her again tomorrow to see what's up and move on if she doesn't reply. It's that easy.

I could do, but surely that comes across as desperate?

I'll wait and see what happens.

 

[Jhoan]

I could do, but surely that comes across as desperate?

I'll wait and see what happens.

Says who? If you hit her up every day by blowing up her phone with several messages a day begging her to reply, then it comes off as desperate/harassment. I don't see what the harm is in sending her another message. I sent the girl I went out with on a Saturday a second message yesterday to see what's up with her, she didn't respond so I'll leave it be and not contact her again.

 

[stn]

Yeah, exactly what Jipan says. If its someone you're meeting online, I have a golden rule of two messages. You chalk up one to her potentially not seeing it or whatever random issues may occur. If you send a second one and nothing, then you move on.

 

[Salamando]

Ugh. Really having some reservations about this girl. Looks like she's put all her eggs in my basket...admitted that I'm the only one she's even messaging, hasn't even logged into OKC in a week, asked if I was talking to anyone else, and this was on the second date. And then I read her OKC questions more in-depth...girl has one of the most close-minded views of sex possible. Hoping her views change once she's actually experienced it doesn't seem like a viable long term strategy.

 

[davepoobond]

Ugh. Really having some reservations about this girl. Looks like she's put all her eggs in my basket...admitted that I'm the only one she's even messaging, hasn't even logged into OKC in a week, asked if I was talking to anyone else, and this was on the second date. And then I read her OKC questions more in-depth...girl has one of the most close-minded views of sex possible. Hoping her views change once she's actually experienced it doesn't seem like a viable long term strategy.

she probably thinks she's already your girlfriend.

 

[Symphonia]

Ugh. Really having some reservations about this girl. Looks like she's put all her eggs in my basket...admitted that I'm the only one she's even messaging, hasn't even logged into OKC in a week, asked if I was talking to anyone else, and this was on the second date. And then I read her OKC questions more in-depth...girl has one of the most close-minded views of sex possible. Hoping her views change once she's actually experienced it doesn't seem like a viable long term strategy.

Congratulations, pal, you're in a relationship and didn't even realise it.

 

[Lulubop]

So I just got back from hooking up with this cute Dominican lesbian girl. She said she started to become attracted to men and was looking for a hook up to see how she'd feel. Interesting experience, but I probably should have just went to the gym.

 

[Symphonia]

So I just got back from hooking up with this cute Dominican lesbian girl. She said she started to become attracted to men and was looking for a hook up to see how she'd feel. Interesting experience, but I probably should have just went to the gym.

Nice work, aha. I've got this tidy Asian chick wanting to meet me as, apparently, she's never been with a guy. I doubt the authenticity behind that claim but who am I to turn down easy sex? Random hook ups for the win.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Ugh. Really having some reservations about this girl. Looks like she's put all her eggs in my basket...admitted that I'm the only one she's even messaging, hasn't even logged into OKC in a week, asked if I was talking to anyone else, and this was on the second date. And then I read her OKC questions more in-depth...girl has one of the most close-minded views of sex possible. Hoping her views change once she's actually experienced it doesn't seem like a viable long term strategy.

The implicit social contract in online dating, I think, is that everyone's seeing multiple people and it's casual until it's not. This girl's not just dropping hints, she's explicitly telling you that she already thinks it IS something more than what it's not.

Run. (Or lock it down, if that's your jam.)

Thanks for the input, I have a feeling thats what is going on, all my dates that turned into relationships had physical stuff in them....I dont know what changed maybe it is just me but I feel like guys are respecting boundaries more now than a couple of years ago, which I appreciate quite a bit...it just means that I now have to muster up the courage!

I think a lot of us are. Just from a guy's perspective, I know that I am. Maybe I just slow things down, but that's what I'm comfortable with - I'm (and probably you) are well past the stage of drunken, random hookups. When I'm out on a date, I can detect vibes pretty easily, but that's a learned talent. The old saying that "breaking the touch barrier" is key is still true, and that's something you can initiate.

It's cold outside? Well, link arms with someone you're walking with. That's what I did last night while walking with my date to dinner. You want to interrupt someone to add a comment? Reach out and even just pat their hand to catch their attention.

People tend to mirror the person they're with. If you're being careful and a little guarded, then your date probably will be too.

 

[Salamando]

The implicit social contract in online dating, I think, is that everyone's seeing multiple people and it's casual until it's not. This girl's not just dropping hints, she's explicitly telling you that she already thinks it IS something more than what it's not.

Run. (Or lock it down, if that's your jam.)

I'm liking the running option. Girl's nice, but that's about it. No spark. Until the incredibly awkward goodnight kiss after second date, it felt like I was going out with my sister.