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[Vincent Grayson]

Fun teachable moment with my 12 year old last night: explaining that maybe it's not school appropriate to incorporate things like a drawing of a marijuana leaf, or references to death into a given project.

I'm actually sort of amazed that I haven't gotten a call from the school over her particular artistic choices.

 

[Cth]

How's going from 1 to 2 compare? 1 was honestly pretty easy, but I don't think I'm getting off that easy this time.

Bonus image:

 

[BriareosGAF]

Anyone has an idea how to get him into breastfeeding again? Similar experiences?

Where are you located? In the US it's somewhat typical (or I could just be super bourgie) to be given access to a lactation consultant who can work with you to figure out what's happening and how to correct. In our case our children both started to wean around 1 year, if I'm remembering it correctly, which lined up pretty well for us. But we were never able to bottle feed either of them successfully with pumped breastmilk, it always had to be my wife, which made things a lot less flexible for us in terms of me being able to care for the kids for long stretches.

Fun teachable moment with my 12 year old last night: explaining that maybe it's not school appropriate to incorporate things like a drawing of a marijuana leaf, or references to death into a given project.

No kidding, although it depends on what you mean by death, I suppose. I remember my eldest when she was nine had to write and present a poem tied to a photograph as part of a class project with all the parents in attendance. She was the only one who explored darker themes, and hilariously so given her age, it was about the city being overcast and grey, like her heart, etc., vs the bright sparkly material the rest of the kids had. Was fine.

My youngest also ended up having a conversation in class about our dog dying and it turned out really great, all the kids shared their experiences of having pets and relatives die and talked about it, and she ended up feeling a lot better about the whole thing.

But yeah, hoping she doesn't get creative about school shooting essays or anything else, not really a conversation I feel like having.

 

[LegendofJoe]

Haha

The post before last is exactly what I came in here to comment on. I have one child that will turn 3 in March and he's turned into a handful over the last few months. He wants to do EVERYTHING himself and will throw a fit if we do something for him. The problem is that he takes forever to do things. It makes getting him ready for school in the morning a real struggle.

And we're about to welcome a baby girl into the world the same month he turns 3. I'm stressing a lot about how I'm going to handle two kids by myself every morning. My wife starts work at 5am, so it's all on me to get them dressed and ready.

I don't want to discourage his desire to do things himself because I know it will be a godsend down the road, but at the moment it's pushing my patience to the breaking point. The baby will be easy by comparison, so hopefully by the time she's older (and more difficult) my son will have figured things out.

 

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[Icefire1424]

Haha
The post before last is exactly what I came in here to comment on. I have one child that will turn 3 in March and he's turned into a handful over the last few months. He wants to do EVERYTHING himself and will throw a fit if we do something for him. The problem is that he takes forever to do things. It makes getting him ready for school in the morning a real struggle.

Ohhhhhhh man, I feel your pain. Our 2.5 year old is there. "I do it myself!" has become her war cry. Wants milk at 3am? "I do it myself!", then walks downstairs, gets her stepstool, opens the fridge door, grabs her milk, walks back upstairs...time elapsed: 5 minutes.

And if you try to make her do something? Good luck. Time for her to brush her teeth or get in the tub when she doesn't want to? Yikes.

 

[Skellig Gra]

So fellow parents I need your help if possible. Pete is turning 1 next month! But, we live in a small apartment and none of our relatives live close by so we are trying to figure out an affordable option for somewhere to throw a birthday party. Anyone have any suggestions/go through a similar thing?

 

[Silraru]

So fellow parents I need your help if possible. Pete is turning 1 next month! But, we live in a small apartment and none of our relatives live close by so we are trying to figure out an affordable option for somewhere to throw a birthday party. Anyone have any suggestions/go through a similar thing?

Try a local community centre? Some may even offer birthday packages including games for young kids when you rent rooms with them. My sister did that for my niece's birthday. Also local parks are great too.

Thanks for the suggestions and tips on home cook meals. I do have a slow cooker but few recipes have caught on with my husband. I probably will try to dig through the gaf thread to see what I find.

 

[Skellig Gra]

Try a local community centre? Some may even offer birthday packages including games for young kids when you rent rooms with them. My sister did that for my niece's birthday. Also local parks are great too.

Thanks for the suggestions and tips on home cook meals. I do have a slow cooker but few recipes have caught on with my husband. I probably will try to dig through the gaf thread to see what I find.

I would love to do that park idea, our apartment building actually is next to a park but middle of february isn't really outdoor party weather where I live unfortunately! The community center is an interesting idea. I'll look in to that.

 

[Vincent Grayson]

No kidding, although it depends on what you mean by death, I suppose. I remember my eldest when she was nine had to write and present a poem tied to a photograph as part of a class project with all the parents in attendance. She was the only one who explored darker themes, and hilariously so given her age, it was about the city being overcast and grey, like her heart, etc., vs the bright sparkly material the rest of the kids had. Was fine.

My youngest also ended up having a conversation in class about our dog dying and it turned out really great, all the kids shared their experiences of having pets and relatives die and talked about it, and she ended up feeling a lot better about the whole thing.

But yeah, hoping she doesn't get creative about school shooting essays or anything else, not really a conversation I feel like having.

She definitely has a very eccentric and dark imagination. Most of her videos she makes involve her LPS toys getting involved in some kind of murder/serial killer thing, or demonic forces, or monsters, or whatever. And of course, she also likes to be provocative just for the sake of doing so.

Apparently the assignment in question involved them being asked to make "some kind of potion" (drawing), so she decided it would be a potion made from dangerous things because that's how "old time" medical treatments were since they didn't know better. I guess she figured the drug reference as the label on the bottle would go well with saying it used things like deadly nightshade and was poisonous.

Either way, she brought it up with my wife, rather than us hearing about it through school, so maybe it doesn't even really look like a pot leaf and we won't hear anything about it. I talked with her about how being provocative with certain elements, especially in her younger years, might cause a stir. She seemed to take that to heart and understand she should leave her darker urges for a non-school audience.

 

[Marty Chinn]

Keep offering foods he refuses with food he likes. He'll get back on track. Don't worry too much about crafting the perfect diet. Just make sure he's getting as much nutrition as possible and keep offering food even if he refuses. Eventually he'll give it a try.

We're going through this problem and it's been going on for a long time now without any progress. In fact, it feels like it's getting worse. There are plenty of nights where he'd just rather not eat dinner and be done for the night. We've even taken your advice a step further by offering him things he likes with other stuff, but in smaller portions so that in order to get more of what he likes, he has to try something else. It hasn't really worked out with improving. He'll try a bite, and then go back to the thing he likes or he'll quit. He only likes to eat bread, mac and cheese, and his favorite, rice. Sometimes he'll eat grapes or a banana. It really feels like he's just holding out for what he wants and just gets enough to get by. The sad thing is, lately we'll call for dinner and he'll run out excited about it and then take one look and want to walk away disappointed.

The post before last is exactly what I came in here to comment on. I have one child that will turn 3 in March and he's turned into a handful over the last few months. He wants to do EVERYTHING himself and will throw a fit if we do something for him. The problem is that he takes forever to do things. It makes getting him ready for school in the morning a real struggle.

This was my son for the latter half of his twos. Super independent, and would refuse help and insist on doing everything himself, whether it be wrong or slow. Fortunately he let me dress and diaper him so getting ready in the morning was never an issue. Something switched recently though where he's the complete opposite on a lot of stuff now. Now he's acting like he's incapable and wants help on everything which is also super annoying because it's things he can do and many things that are simple tasks like throw away something or put something on the coffee table in front of him. I'm not sure which is worse; both suck.

And we're about to welcome a baby girl into the world the same month he turns 3. I'm stressing a lot about how I'm going to handle two kids by myself every morning. My wife starts work at 5am, so it's all on me to get them dressed and ready.

Two kids by yourself is definitely challenging, however despite both of us being there in the morning, I'm pretty much doing what you're worried about. My wife mostly just preps the lunches while I get them breakfast, dressed, hair done, shoes, etc. So outside the packing the lunches, which can be done in advance, I'm pretty much getting them dressed and ready in the morning on my own and it's not too bad at all. So I wouldn't worry about it unless you're trying to do something complicated or too much. In fact, on Fridays since my wife goes in early, I'm pretty much doing that routine all by myself then and it's fine. If it helps, let your kid watch something in the morning while eating breakfast. It'll keep them in one place and easier to manipulate like dress, and hair and other stuff because they're paying attention to their show rather than running around the house while you're running around the house. I even once got both my kids ready and myself dressed and ready to work in 30 min since we woke up late that morning. Once you get a routine down, it's not as bad as you might think even though I'm someone who thinks caring for two kids is way more than double the work than caring for one.

 

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[Marty Chinn]

You could try the advice in books like this. But ultimately you'll find it all amounts to much the same thing: keep exposing your child to new food, even if he refuses; don't pressure him to eat; never use food as a motivation or reward.

It sounds like you're already being creative with the foods he likes. Whole grain mac and cheese with veggie powder mixed in sounds like a perfectly fine, healthy meal. Add chicken or cut up veggies for even more nutrition. Would he eat that?

Nope, he'll either pick around them or just flat out refuses. He can tell when it tastes different too so if something is out of the ordinary, he stops. So there's not even the notion of blending stuff up to hide it. He's getting worse too. He used to like fried rice, but no longer. It has to be plain white rice. Likewise, we used to be able to put sauce or flavoring on rice, but now it's straight up rice only. It's frustrating and worrying at the same time since he's at the bottom end of the growth chart. He's like in the lower 4 percentile. Weirdly enough, a blood test shows all this vitals to be normal despite the lack of eating and being on the low end of the spectrum. His behavior is really affecting him growing from what I can tell and I just can't tell what's going to get him to change his habits.

His sister on the other hand has always been a great eater and she even tries to encourage him and help him eat. He idolizes her too and copies her all the time, but watching her eat or her encouraging him doesn't help at all either.

 

[Red]

4th percentile is still normal range. Have you talked to your pediatrician? You might ask for a referral to a child nutrition specialist. If his vitals are good, and he is otherwise healthy, he is likely fine. How long has this been going on? Even months-long picky eating is normal. Is he still gaining weight?

 

[Marty Chinn]

4th percentile is still normal range. Have you talked to your pediatrician? You might ask for a referral to a child nutrition specialist. If his vitals are good, and he is otherwise healthy, he is likely fine. How long has this been going on? Even months-long picky eating is normal. Is he still gaining weight?

Yeah, we're in contact with her. She's the one who came up with the plan of giving him some of his food and then he has to try other stuff before getting more of the food he wants as well as some other tips. We've been in contact frequently. This has been going on for probably at least a year. He was never really a good eater, but it's been getting much much worse over the last year. I missed the last check up, so I'm not quite sure what his weight gain has been, but he's still very energetic, and while short, he doesn't look paper thin. The pediatrician thinks he's just holding out for what he wants and he's somehow able to do it from afternoon snack at school until the next day if dinner doesn't look appealing.

 

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[Steeped in a Sea of Games]

Yeah, we're in contact with her. She's the one who came up with the plan of giving him some of his food and then he has to try other stuff before getting more of the food he wants as well as some other tips. We've been in contact frequently. This has been going on for probably at least a year. He was never really a good eater, but it's been getting much much worse over the last year. I missed the last check up, so I'm not quite sure what his weight gain has been, but he's still very energetic, and while short, he doesn't look paper thin. The pediatrician thinks he's just holding out for what he wants and he's somehow able to do it from afternoon snack at school until the next day if dinner doesn't look appealing.

If it makes you feel any better, my sister's boy was pretty similar. The guy literally looked like a walking skeleton and they had to rely on things like pediasure shakes to get him to put on a tiny bit of weight. He hit 4 and now he's starting to eat quite a bit more, be less picky, and has put on some weight. He's still super scrawny (the kid has a crazy metabolism), but he's doing ok. It could just take time.

As for the 1 kid versus 2 thing, I agree with two being a lot more work. I pretty much gave up on any hobbies or much anything extra-curricular until the kids start going to school. I'm lucky if I have the time or energy to play a video game once a week (for like 3 hours) these days. If I don't keep the kids constantly engaged they either go nuts or someone's crying about something. With one, my life really hadn't changed nearly as much. That said, I love having two kids. It's great to see them interact and play with each other and to see their differences and similarities.

 

[Grug]

If it makes you feel any better, my sister's boy was pretty similar. The guy literally looked like a walking skeleton and they had to rely on things like pediasure shakes to get him to put on a tiny bit of weight. He hit 4 and now he's starting to eat quite a bit more, be less picky, and has put on some weight. He's still super scrawny (the kid has a crazy metabolism), but he's doing ok. It could just take time.

As for the 1 kid versus 2 thing, I agree with two being a lot more work. I pretty much gave up on any hobbies or much anything extra-curricular until the kids start going to school. I'm lucky if I have the time or energy to play a video game once a week (for like 3 hours) these days. If I don't keep the kids constantly engaged they either go nuts or someone's crying about something. With one, my life really hadn't changed nearly as much. That said, I love having two kids. It's great to see them interact and play with each other and to see their differences and similarities.

Yeah, have heard it said that one child feels like one child. Two feels like three, and three feels like five.

We're locked in to one. Partially because we started late, partly financial, and partly because we just don't want to be chewed up and spat out!

I get a little sad at the thought of not giving Charlie a sibling, but it's partially mitigated by the fact that he has a close cousin his age and he goes to playgroup three times a week.

 

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[mrkgoo]

We always planned on two kids, but Logan is so demanding I don't think it's going to happen. I don't know how we could physically handle another child. Got a lot of respect for the folks who pull it off.

Part of it is that as a new parent, you're finding your own way as a parent. Second kid can be very different. it's tough in some ways, easier in others.

But just as you have no idea what parenting involves until you actually do it, there are some logistics you don't even think about with multiple kids.

 

[emag]

We always planned on two kids, but Logan is so demanding I don't think it's going to happen. I don't know how we could physically handle another child. Got a lot of respect for the folks who pull it off.

How about when he gets to school age? Our little one's only 19 months old, but pretty independent (self-feeding, self-entertaining, etc.). We're thinking about having a second in the fall of 2018, after the first starts pre-school. Adoption is also a possibility.

Having a compatible daycare provider who is available for 9 hours every weekday and can handle occasional nights/weekends helps tremendously, of course.

 

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[Grug]

I try to get him to assert his own independence, he throws things away or acts as if he is helpless. Like if he's playing with a puzzle, and he has trouble getting a piece lined up just right, he will yell for me and gesture toward the board, and insert pieces at the wrong spots to show that he doesn't know what he's doing.

You obviously know him better than anyone but I wonder if that's less about resilience and independence and more of a game or strategy to get you to come play.

 

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[mrkgoo]

Once I start helping him he doesn't want to do anything more himself. In his high chair he'll sit with his arms at his side and wait till I place food into his mouth. With puzzles he'll do nothing more than hand me pieces. If I don't accept them, he lays them at my feet. It could be that he thinks this is play, but I have a feeling it is simply easier for him, and he wants to take the path of least resistance.

Learning the ways of the world early.



Every kids is different.

Our first child entertains herself well, but also gets frustrated when she doesn't 'succeed' (and she's 4 now). She just complains.

She won't touch a video game controller for example. I feel video games could be a fun way to improve coordination, but also learn os puzzle-solving, and also the importance of perseverance. But if she's not interested, she's not interested, what can you do.


Our second child (similar age to Logan) can't really sit still long enough to know what he's fully capable of, but he will try things over and over again for a while. IT's how they learn. Once they succeed, they want to do it again. It's hard to figure that balance of rewarding success, and them just doing things for reward and also learning that failure is ok, and how they learn also.

When he complains though, it's straight into the loudest howling monkey scream.

 

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[mrkgoo]

I don't reward his success. I give him a high five but that's about it. Mostly I encourage him to do better. I don't want to get him in the habit of performing actions for a reward. It seems like he's got that sort of personality, where he'll exploit his abilities for praise or prize. I want to encourage him to do things for the challenge of it, and the enjoyment of the act. I also tell him that failure is okay. I think that's an important lesson to learn. That's why I don't want to do things for him. It's better for him to try and fail than not to try.

He's also 18 months. I meant reward as a high five or praise.

But yeah, don't do things to get a reward. I'm not fond of that as a motivator, but there's also being an infant too. Thing is, as said, you know him best. Every kid is different and respond differently. There's no magic bullet to any of this, and no matter how many parenting guides you follow, sometimes you've got to go with your instincts.

 

[H.Protagonist]

Yeah, have heard it said that one child feels like one child. Two feels like three, and three feels like five.

We're locked in to one. Partially because we started late, partly financial, and partly because we just don't want to be chewed up and spat out!

I get a little sad at the thought of not giving Charlie a sibling, but it's partially mitigated by the fact that he has a close cousin his age and he goes to playgroup three times a week.

We're kind of late starters too, so we've no choice really except to have the dreaded 2 under 2 if we want another one. At this point, I think we will still try for another, but definitely wary of #2 being nothing like #1 and being minced like you say. There are definite pluses to sticking with one. Sanity, money, less premature graying, getting to wear clothes eventually that aren't crusted in biscuits, an end to banana in your hair...

 

[SSGMUN10000]

Hello everyone, I'm in a tricky situation right now. My son (7 months) won't accept breastfeeding during the day easily.

We started giving him "Milchbrei", I think this translates to milk cereal or something similar. It's this powder with milk and stuff in it, you pour hot water over it and feed it.

We gave it to him because I'm a stay at home Dad right now and my SO finishing university.

After 1 1/2 month we have more time to breatfeed regularly again but he starts crying and screaming when breastfeeding during day. Night and morning is no problem though. Eventually it will work but not after a lot of hassle and sometimes he will just get so angry his head nearly explodes.

We stopped giving him the milk cereal, only real food. Vegetables, a bit of bread and fruits. We also stopped giving him natural flavored tea and switched it for boring preboiled water.

Anyone has an idea how to get him into breastfeeding again? Similar experiences?

Thanks everyone

One suggestion to try is to have the wife pump out the milk and feed it to the baby in a bottle. If the goal is to get the baby on the boob during the day seek out a nursing expert.

 

[ProfessorMoran]

Once I start helping him he doesn't want to do anything more himself. In his high chair he'll sit with his arms at his side and wait till I place food into his mouth. With puzzles he'll do nothing more than hand me pieces. If I don't accept them, he lays them at my feet. It could be that he thinks this is play, but I have a feeling it is simply easier for him, and he wants to take the path of least resistance.

Every kid is different, he'll learn eventually, my kid used to take all the puzzle pieces out then drop them everywhere, somehow he figured out how to put the pieces back now. For shape puzzles where you have to match different shapes to drop them in a box, instead of matching the shapes which he watched us showing him, he went right to opening the lid to bypass the whole thing which was kind of weird.

Mine is around 18 months.

 

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[mrkgoo]

That's a common refrain in parenting advice. "Go with your instincts." I don't mean to be dismissive of your input, as I think you've been very helpful toward me and many others in this thread. But "go with your instincts" is often bad advice. Many people, maybe most people, have poor instincts. "Go with your instincts" empowers people who make poor decisions. Parents who choose not to vaccinate because of autism fears are following their instincts. It's important to let your intuitions guide you, but it's equally if not more important to keep informed and consider the advice of experts, along with the results of long term observational studies.

"Go with your instincts" assumes some level of competency that I think is often too generous. It's not necessarily bad advice, but every time I see it in a parenting manual, I cringe a little bit. It's harmfully reassuring. When provided as a guideline for minding praise, it seems especially disingenuous.

Good points!

I do, however, do give the benefit of the doubt to the audience that listens, 1) here, and 2) in "parenting manuals". It's not advice just given to the world at large.

Think about it - the kind of people who are even reading parenting manuals have a notion to want to to best by their kids or they wouldn't even be reading them.

And same goes by here. Everyone in this thread are here for a reason.

That said, I do see your point, and I'm well aware a lot of people have bad instincts or at the very least distrustful of them.

As you said, it's often meant more for reassuring, but I don't think it's as harmful as you would think. The first kid is always doted on a bit and I've always said that half of raiding a child is the attitude of the parent. The situation can most definitely be made better or worse by the attitude of the parent and how you approach situations.

Also, parenting can be very stressful even at the best of times. Some people need that reassurance. Sometimes parents just need to take a breather for a moment.

A lot of things you figure out as you go when you become a parent, and some things you take more to heart than others. Ultimately it's up to you to be te parent you want to be. Thing is, when you have a second kid, a lot of things you find out probably weren't as important as you thought they were. Of course, it might be that you're more experienced. Or more tired.

It's really hard to parse out the effects of your parenting because it's difficult to figure out what comes inately from the child. There is no control experiment, as each child is different.

Ultimately, if you strive to be a good parent "going with your instincts" isn't going to be detrimental for your kid. You know them best.
There is no single parent in advice that can apply to every parent, kid and situation. So yes, some advice will be good for some and the same advice be terrible for others. You have to pick and choose and adapt what you learn for your kid.

Sure, read the books and manuals, but the best manual for your child is the one you're writing in your head as you go.

 

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[mrkgoo]

I can't argue with that.


Definitely a hard question to answer.

I tend to avoid "every child is different" in my little bubble. It sometimes feels like a way out of adhering to good, effective methods. But I only disagree to an extent. I think it's important to calibrate the speed and direction of whatever process you follow for the personality and capability of each child. But I am pretty confident that most children can have good long-term results with the same parenting model.

For sure.

Every child is different is very real, though.

We read many parenting books and guides - mostly the scientific-based ones but even then, all guides are just that. They are meant to be rule books. They're based on research, but ultimately research models are statistics based. It's an overall glimpse of populations. They are perfect starting places and basis for general philosophy, but there is no magic bullet that just works for every kid. Forcing a rigid regime can just wear you out as a parent, and may not have the results intended. I also believe it's important to be a well-rounded and happy parent.

Part of parenting is not just yourself either. The other parents concerns and priorities can be very different and no less "right". Not to mention culture and tradition of the family have a bearing on what options you have.

There's so much going on, and there's no way to incorporate it all. There's no such thing as the perfect parent or parenting technique. There are priorities and those game even from day to day. There's compromise and sacrifice which you do have to do from time to time. Sometimes the "right" thing to do has to go by the wayside in favour of other priorities.

I definitely know I went against my own "instincts" several times. Broke "rules". A lot changes with the second child logistically such that it was too difficult to do things the way we did with the first.

All my friends who have multiple kids have indicated that the kids can be very different, and while admitting that they may have changed the way they raise the second child (usually out of necessity) will still say that they're just different.

I've heard the whole spectrum. First kids easier, harder, younger is easier/harder etc. the only way I can reconcile the wild spectrum of outcomes is that each child is different.

But you know, it kind of matters little.
You just do your best, with all the advice and guidance you get and move forward.

 

[JoeNut]

a week tomorrow to due date....oh shit it's for real isnt it!!

 

[Soulfire]

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[NewFresh]

We've been having issues with our daughters attachment to my wife when they are together. I think this is a pretty common thing. When mom is around she acts more demanding, more clingy, less independent. When mom is not around, she is much more independent, more complacent.

The thing is, that I don't want to pull her away from mom from time to time, but find myself doing that at random intervals.

Anyone else dealing with this? One child much more attached to one parent.

PS: Mom works part time so is obviously home much more.

 

[theaface]

a week tomorrow to due date....oh shit it's for real isnt it!!

Yes mate! Mrs theaface was having regular contractions (frequent but short) yesterday and we really thought it was happening there and then. We called the ward and they said it sounded like early labour and to just relax and see how it goes. It passed eventually so nothing yet, but it feels VERY real now. 2 of our NCT group (7 of us in total) have had theirs already!

Exciting!
My due date is Friday, so far I've had one contraction but that's it. The goal is not to go into labor during the Switch announcement. My husband says he loves me and would hate to miss the birth of our son lol I've got my kindle fire and charger packed in case we're at the hospital (I think they have WiFi) I think it would be kind of funny to be trying to watch it there with a newborn. We'll see. I'm leaning toward the whole thing being a conspiracy and there isn't a baby in there at all.

Congratulations! Nice to have another gaffer with the same due week as me and Joe! I doubt your husband has much to worry about - as much as movies love to show us a mad dash speeding through the streets to make it to the hospital in time, the vast majority of births take a while and give people plenty of time to get where they need to be. Good luck!

 

[mrkgoo]

a week tomorrow to due date....oh shit it's for real isnt it!!

It is! Point of no return was some time ago

Exciting!
My due date is Friday, so far I've had one contraction but that's it. The goal is not to go into labor during the Switch announcement. My husband says he loves me and would hate to miss the birth of our son lol I've got my kindle fire and charger packed in case we're at the hospital (I think they have WiFi) I think it would be kind of funny to be trying to watch it there with a newborn. We'll see. I'm leaning toward the whole thing being a conspiracy and there isn't a baby in there at all.

Good luck!

We've been having issues with our daughters attachment to my wife when they are together. I think this is a pretty common thing. When mom is around she acts more demanding, more clingy, less independent. When mom is not around, she is much more independent, more complacent.

The thing is, that I don't want to pull her away from mom from time to time, but find myself doing that at random intervals.

Anyone else dealing with this? One child much more attached to one parent.

PS: Mom works part time so is obviously home much more.

Can be a phase. Who is the primary caregiver, and how old they are? When my daughter started going to daycare, I noticed at times she would become clingy, but it was mostly that she was mimicking behaviour from other kids. Like it was more an act than actual clinginess.

 

[Skellig Gra]

Good luck to both of you! We'll be here on the other side.

 

[sikkinixx]

My two week old is driving me nuts. We get three hours, three and a half tops, between him getting fussy for food or diaper changes.

During the day he's pretty good at eat. Diaper change. Sleep. With a few periods of him being awake and alert.

At night though? It takes nearly two hours to feed. Change and get him to sleep. Then an hour later he is up and we do it all again. He's barely awake but loses his shit when you try to put him down. And I just can't walk around with him all night as I'm exhausted and my wife is exhausted.

Maybe I'll bring the cot to work and sleep there in the morning!

 

[mrkgoo]

My two week old is driving me nuts. We get three hours, three and a half tops, between him getting fussy for food or diaper changes.

During the day he's pretty good at eat. Diaper change. Sleep. With a few periods of him being awake and alert.

At night though? It takes nearly two hours to feed. Change and get him to sleep. Then an hour later he is up and we do it all again. He's barely awake but loses his shit when you try to put him down. And I just can't walk around with him all night as I'm exhausted and my wife is exhausted.

Maybe I'll bring the cot to work and sleep there in the morning!

Yeah, welcome to newborn parenthood. IT's one thing to hear about it, it's quite something else to live it.

I remember the 3-4 hourly cycle: Wake, feed, change, play, sleep.

For our first daughter, I vaguely recall (vaguely, because I'm pretty sure we repress these sort of memories to some degree, otherwise our species wouldn't survive, lol) that she was a difficult feeder, and would take 2 hours to get fed (she wasn't a good feeder and we ended up having to supplement with formula) and burped, leaving little time for the sleep part before the demand was there again.

It's rough. Want to give some advice, but it's tough, because you'll hear so much conflicting views, when it's really difficult to know what actually works for your specific child.

 

[JoeNut]

Exciting!
My due date is Friday, so far I've had one contraction but that's it. The goal is not to go into labor during the Switch announcement. My husband says he loves me and would hate to miss the birth of our son lol I've got my kindle fire and charger packed in case we're at the hospital (I think they have WiFi) I think it would be kind of funny to be trying to watch it there with a newborn. We'll see. I'm leaning toward the whole thing being a conspiracy and there isn't a baby in there at all.

Yes mate! Mrs theaface was having regular contractions (frequent but short) yesterday and we really thought it was happening there and then. We called the ward and they said it sounded like early labour and to just relax and see how it goes. It passed eventually so nothing yet, but it feels VERY real now. 2 of our NCT group (7 of us in total) have had theirs already!



Congratulations! Nice to have another gaffer with the same due week as me and Joe! I doubt your husband has much to worry about - as much as movies love to show us a mad dash speeding through the streets to make it to the hospital in time, the vast majority of births take a while and give people plenty of time to get where they need to be. Good luck!

My two week old is driving me nuts. We get three hours, three and a half tops, between him getting fussy for food or diaper changes.

During the day he's pretty good at eat. Diaper change. Sleep. With a few periods of him being awake and alert.

At night though? It takes nearly two hours to feed. Change and get him to sleep. Then an hour later he is up and we do it all again. He's barely awake but loses his shit when you try to put him down. And I just can't walk around with him all night as I'm exhausted and my wife is exhausted.

Maybe I'll bring the cot to work and sleep there in the morning!

Sikkinixx is me, theaface and Soulfire in like 3 weeks

 

[Grug]

My two week old is driving me nuts. We get three hours, three and a half tops, between him getting fussy for food or diaper changes.

During the day he's pretty good at eat. Diaper change. Sleep. With a few periods of him being awake and alert.

At night though? It takes nearly two hours to feed. Change and get him to sleep. Then an hour later he is up and we do it all again. He's barely awake but loses his shit when you try to put him down. And I just can't walk around with him all night as I'm exhausted and my wife is exhausted.

Maybe I'll bring the cot to work and sleep there in the morning!

Nothing more I can say other than "yep, that's a textbook two-week old right there". The good news is that it doesn't last. Ride it out for a few more weeks and the feeds will start to be more efficient, less frequent and the sleeps will be increasingly longer.

It's just a very tough slog at that stage. No need to stress - you're doing the right things. Just keep on going! It gets better!

Only other advice I can give is picking your battles right now. If neither of you have the energy to cook or clean... don't. Get takeout and rest assured the dirty laundry/busted wardrobe hinge/untidy garage will be there when you're ready for it. Your baby is priority number 1, priority 2 is your sanity. Everything else can wait. If people are offering help, don't be too proud to take it. Chances are they have been there before and know the struggle. If they ask how they can help, tell them what you need. Ask if they can bring you a home-cooked meal, or if they could do a load of laundry, grab you some groceries, cuddle the baby while you have a much needed long shower or nap. The offers of help gradually recede over time - use it while it's there.

 

[NewFresh]

Can be a phase. Who is the primary caregiver, and how old they are? When my daughter started going to daycare, I noticed at times she would become clingy, but it was mostly that she was mimicking behaviour from other kids. Like it was more an act than actual clinginess.

My wife is the primary since she only works part time. Daughter is 19months old now.

 

[Monkeylord]

My two week old is driving me nuts. We get three hours, three and a half tops, between him getting fussy for food or diaper changes.

During the day he's pretty good at eat. Diaper change. Sleep. With a few periods of him being awake and alert.

At night though? It takes nearly two hours to feed. Change and get him to sleep. Then an hour later he is up and we do it all again. He's barely awake but loses his shit when you try to put him down. And I just can't walk around with him all night as I'm exhausted and my wife is exhausted.

Maybe I'll bring the cot to work and sleep there in the morning!

With our noodle, we found that when he woke in the night grumpy for a change and some stinky milk the main problem was us just not getting the stinky milk into him quick enough. The longer we took the more he cried. The more he cried the more awake he got.

We solved this by having a thermos of water ready at the right temperature. One of us made the foul fluid up in a bottle while the other changed him.

Teamwork and preparation meant that he was never crying for more than 5 mins before he was clean and had a bottle in his mouth.

Not being fully awake, and having a belly full of stinky milk pretty much wiped him out and he soon went back to sleep.


He's 7 months old now, and we still do the same routine and it works like a charm.

If this doesn't apply to you, hopefully someone else will benefit from our suffering.

 

[Soulfire]

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