Hi, I fucked up and combine that with other things in our relationship, we broke up. I am so unsure how I can go on, my heart is broken. She was my best and only friend, the only person I had in my life that I loved/love. I want her back and I know that's impossible, but I just feel crushed. She was/is my angel, my favourite person, but most importantly, my best friend. Someone I'd never want to be without.
I thought I'd grow old with her, now I know I wont and I just want to die. I have never felt like this. The worst feeling of it all is, after a 6 year relationship, her saying she didn't really get anything good out of it and that also when we broke up last time which lasted a week she was crying when she broke it off, this time it seems like this time she is genuinely happy we are over, meanwhile I am so sad, I am just crushed, it makes me feel super unloved that it seems like she doesn't care. She did end up crying in the end. But most of the conversation, which was not fight at all, she didn't seem to care.
I know I will get a "time heals all" response and I guess maybe it does, but I don't see it ever healing, ever. I have Borderline Personality Disorder so I am very scared and emotionally destroyed by rejection, so this isn't going well, lots of suicidal ideation and self harm thoughts, I can't be without her, I at least need her as my best friend, I have no family or friends, she is literally the only person I talk to because my parents abused me and when I got really bad mentally 6 years ago all my friends stopped speaking to me because I stopped drinking and partying. I am seeing my psych this afternoon... I just feel like my heart has been stomped on. Plus I am 26, unemployed, mentally ill, can't leave my house and on disability pension. Who in the living hell would want to ever date me?
Someone please help or something... I dunno.