Stripper posts insane story on Twitter with more twists than a Shonda Rhimes script

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John Kowalski said:
no he said there are families there
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Flying Toaster said:
Wasn't he saying think of the families?
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The exact quote is "FAMILIES LIVE HERE BRO WTF"

Idk when I read it, the narrative in my head just jumped to this:

lovejoy3.jpg
 
Burt said:
bunk-code.gif


Looking for the adaptation written by Seth Rogen starring Craig Robinson as Z (rewritten as a straight-edge white collar worker who gets sucked into pimping due to incredible circumstances), Jay Baruchel as Jarret, and James Franco as Alien as Dreadlocks Florida Man.
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man i can see Jay playing that bitch ass dude too, its basically the role he plays in every movie he's in anyway.
 
Fake or no, this girl can tell a compelling--and viral story. There's an audience for this. She should definitely consider taking this fifteen minutes to the bank.


Anyone whiteknighting over this should probably have a reality check, though. Had any of this actually happened, there's no way this girl would be tweeting it out all nonchalantly. I mean, she's a better pimp than Z.
 
Angelus Errare said:
For those who are insistent that they can't understand the story and the words don't make sense of them.

I wrote it in a way that you can instantly understand. So you too can laugh and stop embarrassing yourself in this thread.

Forbidden Love pt 1.
Mangaka - Zola R. Moon
Translations by k4w411_Kurojin

So Zola-chan met this baka-gaijin Jess at Hooters, Zola-chan was Jess-chan's cafe maid she was so kawaii, totemo kawaii. Jess-chan came in their with her onii-chan black man. Zola-chan being a cafe maid sat down with Jess-chan and her onii-chan and they started talking. Apparently Jess-chan's onii-chan gives her kane (translator's note: money). They were bonding and becoming tomodachis (friends). They exchange numbers feeling like their meeting was destiny and continue talking for quite some time.

The next day, Jess-chan sends Zola-chan a message saying "Onee-san! Let's got to Florida!! :3", She tells Zola-chan she wants to dance in Florida, and Zola-chan is like "hai!!" Zola-chan's waifu didn't want her to go, so she had the sex with him (translator's note: sex) then left with Jess-chan to Florida.

Zola-chan gets in the car and meets another one of Jess-chan's onii-chans, they are blackman2-chan, and Jarret-chan. Jarret-chan and Jess-chan are in love love (translator's note: in love) and blackman2-chan just lives with them. They get to the motel and Jess-chan tells Zola-chan that this room is for Jarret-chan and then they head off for the club (translator's note: A place were people dance and watch others dance, totemo ecchi).

Zola-chan dances at the club and makes 930,000 Yen. Jess-chan tells Zola-chan that blackman2-chan was her pimp, unfortunately Jarrett-chan didn't know this (strike 1). Blackman2-chan comes up and he's like "how much did you girls make me? :3" and they tell him nothing (usotsuki!). He is pretty sad because his real waifu also had a bad night. Because they had a bad night he asks if they want to trap (translator's note: He means do they want sex older gentlemen for kane like schoolgirls!). Jess-chan is like "hai!!!"

They pull up to a different hotel and Jess-chan and Zola-chan start arguing. Zola-chan doesn't trap she is just a stripper so she yells at poor Jess-chan like a baka. Jess-chan starts crying saying she's scared and doesn't want Zola-chan to leave her all alone. Jess-chan tells Zola-chan that she can just check the guys, she doesn't have to trap (translator's note: have sex with men for money). Zola-chan decides to stay and protect Jess-chan!

First guy knocks at the door and he's an older uaito piggu and says he's here for Jess-chan, Jess-chan and uaito piggu have sex. Zola-chan is shocked! @_@ because Jess-chan says she that her price for sex is only 110,000 Yen! Zola-chan decided to help Jess-chan make more kane by putting her profile on an ecchi site setting the price at 650,000 Yen minimum!

Jess-chan is bukakke'ed by 20 guys and makes 5,550,000Yen (sugoi!). Jarrett-chan calls asking where Zola-chan and Jess-chan are, they usotsuki (translator's note: lie) and say they went to another maid cafe. He doesn't believe her and tells Zola-chan to not be a baka slut like Jess-chan.

A few hours later blackman2-chan comes and he asks how much Jess-chan made, she told him the truth (5,550,000 yen). He's shocked and goes "sugoi!!" dou yatte?!" and she's like Zola-chan helped me! :3. He takes the money from Jess-chan and gives Zola-chan 500,000 yen. He doesn't give Jess-chan any because she hasn't paid her rent in months T_T.

They all leave to go back to Jarrett's hotel and he's downstairs smoking weed with a random Florida-san. Blackman2-chan asks who that guy is and Jarret-chan is like "He just wanted to know who I was here with, it's okay" Florida-san says goodbye and leaves. They all go to the room and Blackman2-chan is really mad. He yells saying that Jarret-chan didn't know Florida-san that well and he shouldn't have told him that there were 2 bishoujous here. Jarret-chan explains why he said that and Blackman2-chan goes "we have to go now! They know there's money here!"

They go to a nicer love love hotel and he asks Zola-chan to keep an eye on Jarret-chan.
Jarret-chan and Jess-chan start arguing about Jess-chan trapping. He starts crying and he's like Zola-chan is this why you came to FL? Zola-chan goes "No, I didn't even know I was set up!" Jarret-chan is shocked and calls Jess-chan a hoe! (translator's note: baishunpu). Zola-chan leaves and goes for a swim in the love love hotel pool.

Blackman2-chan calls Zola-chan and tells her to setup the calls for Jess-chan again and Zola-chan says okay. She goes up to the room and tells Jess-chan to get ready, Jarret-chan gets really upset and starts punching himself! He tells Jess-chan if she does this again he will kill himself because he really loves her! Uguuu!

Jarret-chan yells that everyone knows Jess-chan is a baishunpu now and that he wants to go home. He throws his keitai at her (translator's note: phone). It has her facebook status showing both her love love ads! Jess-chan starts crying! T_T now everyone knows she's a baishunpu! Jess-chan calls blackman2-chan and 5 minutes later (instant transmission) he knocks on the door bringing his waifu with him.

Blackman2-chan is very upset, totemo upset and lifts Jarret-chan off the ground. Jarret-chan starts crying and apologizing going "sumimasen, gomennasai! blackman-chan!" Blackman2-chan's waifu pulls out a gun (Translator's note: a baka American weapon, not as elegant as a Japanese Katana (katana means sword)), she tells Z-san (blackman2-chan) to kill Jarret-chan, but Jess-chan says no.

Z-san doesn't kill him, but says he's going to kill his manhood and tells Jarret-chan to sit in front of him. He tells Jarret-chan to delete the post (and he does) then calls Jess-chan over. Z-san's waifu unbuckles his pants, then Jess-chan starts sucking his o-chinchin! Then he starts doing doggystyle on Jess-chan with Jarret-chan watching.
Click to expand...

YOOOOOOOOO
 
Angelus Errare said:
For those who are insistent that they can't understand the story and the words don't make sense of them.

I wrote it in a way that you can instantly understand. So you too can laugh and stop embarrassing yourself in this thread.

Forbidden Love pt 1. + 2
Mangaka - Zola R. Moon
Translations by k4w411_Kurojin
Click to expand...
You just reached GAF's hall of fame, congratulations! You are the real MVP.
 
The Adder said:
Jarret: A Visionary robbed of his Future
Jess: A Sniper deprived of her Words
Z : A Ghost without a Past
Nigga wit dreads that Jarret was smoking wit at the run down Motel: A Rival living a Lie
Zola : A Fallen Legend
Click to expand...
The accuracy in this is damn near perfect
 
aliengmr said:
She'd have to be convicted of the crime.
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The spirit of the law is to deter people from committing crimes so they can profit off them with stories and such. If she wanted to profit off this story she'd have to claim it as pure fiction and hope nobody that was part of the story disputes her claim.
 
B_Bech said:
Fake or no, this girl can tell a compelling--and viral story. There's an audience for this. She should definitely consider taking this fifteen minutes to the bank.


Anyone whiteknighting over this should probably have a reality check, though. Had any of this actually happened, there's no way this girl would be tweeting it out all nonchalantly. I mean, she's a better pimp than Z.
Click to expand...

Think you overestimate how private people are about this sort of thing. Also it's tampa, so this shit is totally within the realm of normality as far as tampa crime goes.
 
JDSN said:
Its my second language and I got it all, and im an idiot. Pretending to not understand urban slang is a weird nerd tradition that I dont get, nerds drop Valyrian all the time, talk about their waifus and yaoi shit but when its time to know what is the meaning of "salty" in an obvious context, well they just need to let the world know they dont understand these weird black urban words.

And 20th Centuray boyz aint shit b. ��������
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*round of applause*
 
Gnome said:
There's defensiveness throughout this thread against people who say they don't like it.
Click to expand...

No one really cares if people don't like it, it's just people that people are acting like the shit is unintelligible because it's written in "hood speak" or like it being broken down in Twiiter chunks turns it into hieroglyphics.

People used to be ashamed of their own illiteracy.
 
Angelus Errare said:
For those who are insistent that they can't understand the story and the words don't make sense of them.

I wrote it in a way that you can instantly understand. So you too can laugh and stop embarrassing yourself in this thread.

Forbidden Love pt 1.
Mangaka - Zola R. Moon
Translations by k4w411_Kurojin

So Zola-chan met this baka-gaijin Jess at Hooters, Zola-chan was Jess-chan's cafe maid she was so kawaii, totemo kawaii. Jess-chan came in their with her onii-chan black man. Zola-chan being a cafe maid sat down with Jess-chan and her onii-chan and they started talking. Apparently Jess-chan's onii-chan gives her kane (translator's note: money). They were bonding and becoming tomodachis (friends). They exchange numbers feeling like their meeting was destiny and continue talking for quite some time.

The next day, Jess-chan sends Zola-chan a message saying "Onee-san! Let's got to Florida!! :3", She tells Zola-chan she wants to dance in Florida, and Zola-chan is like "hai!!" Zola-chan's waifu didn't want her to go, so she had the sex with him (translator's note: sex) then left with Jess-chan to Florida.

Zola-chan gets in the car and meets another one of Jess-chan's onii-chans, they are blackman2-chan, and Jarret-chan. Jarret-chan and Jess-chan are in love love (translator's note: in love) and blackman2-chan just lives with them. They get to the motel and Jess-chan tells Zola-chan that this room is for Jarret-chan and then they head off for the club (translator's note: A place were people dance and watch others dance, totemo ecchi).

Zola-chan dances at the club and makes 930,000 Yen. Jess-chan tells Zola-chan that blackman2-chan was her pimp, unfortunately Jarrett-chan didn't know this (strike 1). Blackman2-chan comes up and he's like "how much did you girls make me? :3" and they tell him nothing (usotsuki!). He is pretty sad because his real waifu also had a bad night. Because they had a bad night he asks if they want to trap (translator's note: He means do they want sex older gentlemen for kane like schoolgirls!). Jess-chan is like "hai!!!"

They pull up to a different hotel and Jess-chan and Zola-chan start arguing. Zola-chan doesn't trap she is just a stripper so she yells at poor Jess-chan like a baka. Jess-chan starts crying saying she's scared and doesn't want Zola-chan to leave her all alone. Jess-chan tells Zola-chan that she can just check the guys, she doesn't have to trap (translator's note: have sex with men for money). Zola-chan decides to stay and protect Jess-chan!

First guy knocks at the door and he's an older uaito piggu and says he's here for Jess-chan, Jess-chan and uaito piggu have sex. Zola-chan is shocked! @_@ because Jess-chan says she that her price for sex is only 110,000 Yen! Zola-chan decided to help Jess-chan make more kane by putting her profile on an ecchi site setting the price at 650,000 Yen minimum!

Jess-chan is bukakke'ed by 20 guys and makes 5,550,000Yen (sugoi!). Jarrett-chan calls asking where Zola-chan and Jess-chan are, they usotsuki (translator's note: lie) and say they went to another maid cafe. He doesn't believe her and tells Zola-chan to not be a baka slut like Jess-chan.

A few hours later blackman2-chan comes and he asks how much Jess-chan made, she told him the truth (5,550,000 yen). He's shocked and goes "sugoi!!" dou yatte?!" and she's like Zola-chan helped me! :3. He takes the money from Jess-chan and gives Zola-chan 500,000 yen. He doesn't give Jess-chan any because she hasn't paid her rent in months T_T.

They all leave to go back to Jarrett's hotel and he's downstairs smoking weed with a random Florida-san. Blackman2-chan asks who that guy is and Jarret-chan is like "He just wanted to know who I was here with, it's okay" Florida-san says goodbye and leaves. They all go to the room and Blackman2-chan is really mad. He yells saying that Jarret-chan didn't know Florida-san that well and he shouldn't have told him that there were 2 bishoujous here. Jarret-chan explains why he said that and Blackman2-chan goes "we have to go now! They know there's money here!"

They go to a nicer love love hotel and he asks Zola-chan to keep an eye on Jarret-chan.
Jarret-chan and Jess-chan start arguing about Jess-chan trapping. He starts crying and he's like Zola-chan is this why you came to FL? Zola-chan goes "No, I didn't even know I was set up!" Jarret-chan is shocked and calls Jess-chan a hoe! (translator's note: baishunpu). Zola-chan leaves and goes for a swim in the love love hotel pool.

Blackman2-chan calls Zola-chan and tells her to setup the calls for Jess-chan again and Zola-chan says okay. She goes up to the room and tells Jess-chan to get ready, Jarret-chan gets really upset and starts punching himself! He tells Jess-chan if she does this again he will kill himself because he really loves her! Uguuu!

Jarret-chan yells that everyone knows Jess-chan is a baishunpu now and that he wants to go home. He throws his keitai at her (translator's note: phone). It has her facebook status showing both her love love ads! Jess-chan starts crying! T_T now everyone knows she's a baishunpu! Jess-chan calls blackman2-chan and 5 minutes later (instant transmission) he knocks on the door bringing his waifu with him.

Blackman2-chan is very upset, totemo upset and lifts Jarret-chan off the ground. Jarret-chan starts crying and apologizing going "sumimasen, gomennasai! blackman-chan!" Blackman2-chan's waifu pulls out a gun (Translator's note: a baka American weapon, not as elegant as a Japanese Katana (katana means sword)), she tells Z-san (blackman2-chan) to kill Jarret-chan, but Jess-chan says no.

Z-san doesn't kill him, but says he's going to kill his manhood and tells Jarret-chan to sit in front of him. He tells Jarret-chan to delete the post (and he does) then calls Jess-chan over. Z-san's waifu unbuckles his pants, then Jess-chan starts sucking his o-chinchin! Then he starts doing doggystyle on Jess-chan with Jarret-chan watching.
Click to expand...

Lvm1wS2.gif


FATALITY

I must say i'm surprised the bish-mower hasn't make a stop 'round this parts
 
Massive Duck said:
No one really cares if people don't like it, it's just people that people are acting like the shit is unintelligible because it's written in "hood speak" or like it being broken down in Twiiter chunks turns it into hieroglyphics.

People used to be ashamed of their own illiteracy.
Click to expand...

The use of hood speak and the medium it's told in can't be separated from the story though, and would actually make for an interesting discussion. My biggest problem is that both sides of people start and end that possible discussion by immediately deciding whether it's "Good" or "Bad", which I've personally not decided yet, at minimum it is at least interesting,
 
JDSN said:
Its my second language and I got it all, and im an idiot. Pretending to not understand urban slang is a weird nerd tradition that I dont get, nerds drop Valyrian all the time, talk about their waifus and yaoi shit but when its time to know what is the meaning of "salty" in an obvious context, well they just need to let the world know they dont understand these weird black urban words.

And 20th Centuray boyz aint shit b. ��������
Click to expand...

Angelus Errare said:
*Why we love Angelus so much*
Click to expand...

<3 This is why I love GAF.
 
I often think my life is pretty boring. It's times like these that I remember that's a good thing.

Goddamn, what a crazy-ass story. Fuck Tarantino, get Takashi Miike on this shit.
 
Gnome said:
How did this story so quickly become above criticism in this thread?
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Because nobody has criticized the story, only the way it's presented. If people don't like the story that's completely fine, but the people who attack the story because of grammar/the use of slang, are ridiculous considering the medium it was written on and the tone of the story.
 
The Adder said:
Jarret: A Visionary robbed of his Future
Jess: A Sniper deprived of her Words
Z : A Ghost without a Past
Nigga wit dreads that Jarret was smoking wit at the run down Motel: A Rival living a Lie
Zola : A Fallen Legend
Click to expand...

So who is Venom Zola?

Also this shit was riveting.
 
freeofgreed said:
Because nobody has criticized the story, only the way it's presented. If people don't like the story that's completely fine, but the people who attack the story because of grammer/the use of slang, are ridiculous considering the medium it was written on and the tone of the story.
Click to expand...
Grammar
 
freeofgreed said:
Because nobody has criticized the story, only the way it's presented. If people don't like the story that's completely fine, but the people who attack the story because of grammer/the use of slang, are ridiculous considering the medium it was written on and the tone of the story.
Click to expand...

"Dashiell Hammett's Maltese Falcon would have been so much better if he didn't use all that hard boiled detective language."
 
freeofgreed said:
Because nobody has criticized the story, only the way it's presented. If people don't like the story that's completely fine, but the people who attack the story because of grammer/the use of slang, are ridiculous considering the medium it was written on and the tone of the story.
Click to expand...

I don't really see it as an attack though to bring those things up as a reason. Immediately responding to it as if it were an attack is why it looks defensive to me.
 
Gnome said:
I don't really see it as an attack though to bring those things up as a reason though. Immediately responding to it as if it were an attack is why it looks defensive to me.
Click to expand...

Here's the thing, if you're not a native English speaker, fair enough. If you don't know some of the slang words (even though most of the plot relevant ones are explained in the story) fair enough. But the people who are acting like they can't even read the story, are completely full of shit. I don't for even 1 second buy that a native English speaker can't understand this story. There's already been several posts explaining this much better than me.

EDIT: i.e.

JDSN said:
Its my second language and I got it all, and im an idiot. Pretending to not understand urban slang is a weird nerd tradition that I dont get, nerds drop Valyrian all the time, talk about their waifus and yaoi shit but when its time to know what is the meaning of "salty" in an obvious context, well they just need to let the world know they dont understand these weird black urban words.

And 20th Centuray boyz aint shit b. &#65533;&#65533;&#65533;&#65533;&#65533;&#65533;&#65533;&#65533;
Click to expand...

marrec said:
I'm just tired of people coming in here and disguising their prejudice or classism behind this idea that the story is somehow unreadable.

Please we see through you.

Same type of people who're probably posting greentext on /pol/ :lol
Click to expand...
 
Gnome said:
The spirit of the law is to deter people from committing crimes so they can profit off them with stories and such. If she wanted to profit off this story she'd have to claim it as pure fiction and hope nobody that was part of the story disputes her claim.
Click to expand...

No, the spirit of the law was to prevent people convicted of noteworthy crimes from benefiting from those crimes.

Its autobiographical, are you seriously going to say that no autobiography has ever contained crimes witnessed or committed by the author which they were never convicted for?

Carnby said:
Nope. Look at the details of the law. For example, if you were convicted of a crime even your neighbor or reletive couldn't profit from telling the story of it.
Click to expand...

You do understand that its not something that is literally always enforced right? That it has to be carefully applied so as not to run afoul of the first amendment? As per the details.
 
freeofgreed said:
Here's the thing, if you're not a native English speaker, fair enough. If you don't know some of the slang words (even though most of the plot relevant ones are explained in the story) fair enough. But the people who are acting like they can't even read the story, are completely full of shit. I don't for even 1 second buy that a native English speaker can't understand this story. There's already been several posts explaining this much better than me.
Click to expand...

If someone is saying it's difficult to read then yeah, they're probably full of shit, but I still think there's an interesting conversation to be had around "why" the language and format is either working for the story or against it.
 
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