• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

The worst Amazon customer reviews

D

Dagless M.D.

Member
Here's a few good ones

HALO 2
Halo 2 is better than any other game for any platform!, July 27, 2004
Reviewer: HOOTAS (Augusta, ME) - See all my reviews
First off, those idiots that gave this game 1 star are just sorry they bought a terrible game cube (not 1 good game) or a PS2.

My uncle works for bungie and he gave me a demo (just the first level). I was in awe at the greatness of it. The graphics are revolutionary. The weapons are insane. The vehicles were suped up with awesome weapons. Also the marines are no longer as dumb as game cube buyers. They can call in air support and get in the gunner spot on a warthog (4 different versions).

The X-Box live capabilities alone are worth the buy.
Click to expand...


GTA:SA
Da Pimpz r back in da hood, August 13, 2004
A Kid's Review
mi broz is finkin we is not goin to trash the palma de mallorca square no more, sinze we is all trippin on dis new game, we is just goin to wait a wile 4 dis crack ass game to cum along. power 2 da hood,

Nes-T
Click to expand...

GAMECUBE

gamecube or meatloaf???, December 30, 2003
Reviewer: A gamer
gamecube or meatloaf??? i often ask myself this question. meatloaf jiggles when you touch it gamecube doesnt. cd can fit in meatloaf but can not in gamecube. i would only play it if i was on some experimently drug wich transformed me into a blob and it was the only system i could play, actually i wouldn't. i would rather talk about arm pit hair online with a gorilla. if i had a penny for every popular title i would be a hobo. living on the street eating sewer rats. people who buy game cube need special help. if i was locked in a room with a game cube i wouldn't play it i would use it to beat myself unconsious. if you already have game cube it is not to late you can still trade it in for an atari which would probably have better graphics and more titles or you could just wait for the return of the nazis under hitler.
Click to expand...

Post the worst you can find.
 
I

ImNotLikeThem

Member
" if i had a penny for every popular title i would be a hobo."
erm last time i checked, even if i had a penny for EVERY popular game on ANY system, i would not have enough money to live off of for a week or two.
 
H

heavy liquid

Member
Wario Ware, Inc.:Mega Microgame$ :

this game stinks, April 23, 2004
Reviewer: Sarah Gamble (Granby, CT United States) - See all my reviews

When I first heard about it it seemed like a very good idea. So I pre ordered it.BIG MISTAKE!!! I opened it up played for a while and in less than an hour beat it. Now you'd be thinking that since it's so short that the hour would be a blast.WRONG!

All that it was was a bunch of retard characters doing stupid things that somehow came into little 5 second games. For example, you see an intro movie of a girl leaving work. She gets on a motorcycle and drives away. Then for some strange reason the police start chasing her. What does she do? She has a freakin' monkey go on the back of the motorcycle and throw bananas at them. And then it gets into the game. What happens is if you win the stupid 5 second game then the police car runs over a banana peel and swerves out of control. So pretty much the story(there's no story it just has a bunch of retard characters show you their stupid games) is messed up. All so the games.

From what I've read from the reviews it's supposed to be laugh out loud stuff. It's not true, but if you are a little retard who thinks that a monkey throwing bananas at police cars is funny than go ahead and buy it.

Then the games. You'd think that with I think over 200 5 second games this game would be really diverse and stuff. Pretty much it's just is about 20 5 second games with different pictures. It's either rapid tapping, or get good timing. There are some different games however like dodge stuff or ok never mind.

Then they have some big games that you have to unlock. They are only worth about 5 minutes unless your the obsesive type who just has to keep beating their high score. An example of a big game is jump forever. They have you jumping a jump rope. Pretty much all that you do is press the A button in order to jump over the rope. NOTHING ELSE!!! All the other big games are like that too.

In short, this game is a commplete waste of your time.
Click to expand...
 
A

AeroGod

Member
"if i had a penny for every popular title i would be a hobo. living on the street eating sewer rats. "


ROFL. Man, that GameCube review rocks.


"cd can fit in meatloaf but can not in gamecube."

Plz god make this my tag LOL
 
Grizzlyjin

Grizzlyjin

Supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not respecting, who would really ever wanna go and top that
AeroGod said:
Found the best quot ever on Amazon review.




Discuss.



ROFL
Click to expand...

Nothing to discuss, facts are facts.
 
H

heavy liquid

Member
Viewtiful Joe:

cute joe, October 21, 2003
Reviewer: jeff - See all my reviews

This game is the dumbest game i have ever played in my life. It is worse than aqua man wich really sucked. He run around and does splits like a dumb ass and the fighting is retarded
Click to expand...
 
F

FoneBone

Member
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...590918-0139005?v=glance&s=videogames&n=468642
TO Capcom!!!!, July 18, 2004

A Kid's Review
Dear Capcom thanks for a good game i just want to tell you that Making Viewtiful Joe for PS2 is a bad idea WHY?? cause PS2 is HOGGING all the Exclusives and GC bearly has one And GC is good Also you will lose money making VJ for PS2 games like Wolfistien are good but when on PS2 the game aint all that good Thats why Bungie didnt want HALO on PS2 Think about it capcom
Click to expand...
ok but graphics ruin it, December 15, 2003
Reviewer: A gamer
fun 7.0-10
difficulty 9.0-10
graphics 0.3-10
Click to expand...
 
H

human5892

Queen of Denmark
Xbox
3 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

Xxbox has a problem playing games, August 16, 2004
A Kid's Review

I have an Xbox and a PS2 I recently bought a game on my Xbox and every time I try to play it get this message that says there is with the disc your using it may be dirty or damaged but the disc doesent have any scratches on it because its brand new so I tried to cleaning it and when i tried to play the game again the same message came up and the message keeps on comming up I'v tried cleaning the game and I even got this special disc thing thats soposed to clean the laser lens and its not only that game pretty much all my games freeze while Im playing the same message keeps on poppin up so get PS2 instead Xbox sucks
Click to expand...

2 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

VERY VERY COOL, August 10, 2004
A Kid's Review
XBOX IS THE BEST SYSTEM BUT IS NOT AS GOOD AS SONY PLAYSTATION 2
BUT XBOX HAS THE BEST GAMES LIKE HALO 1 AND 2 XBOX HAS A 32 BIT SYSTEM. IT SURE HAS GOOD GRAPHICS SO GAME NERDS GO GET XBOX
Click to expand...
 
D

Dagless M.D.

Member
3 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

Xxbox has a problem playing games, August 16, 2004
A Kid's Review

I have an Xbox and a PS2 I recently bought a game on my Xbox and every time I try to play it get this message that says there is with the disc your using it may be dirty or damaged but the disc doesent have any scratches on it because its brand new so I tried to cleaning it and when i tried to play the game again the same message came up and the message keeps on comming up I'v tried cleaning the game and I even got this special disc thing thats soposed to clean the laser lens and its not only that game pretty much all my games freeze while Im playing the same message keeps on poppin up so get PS2 instead Xbox sucks
Click to expand...

The stupidity really kicks in at the end
 
F

FoneBone

Member
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...1_2/103-5590918-0139005?v=glance&s=videogames
Catwoman awesome like the movie, July 25, 2004

A Kid's Review
Okay, if you've seen the movie, then you'll loveeeeeeeeeeeeee the game!!! It's basically a video game of the movie. Great graphics, sound effects, and the movements are easy. And you gotta check out the awesome awesome surprise for all those catwoman fan lovers!!!!

Oh yeah and if you want a great review of the movie then I'll say only few movies have caused this much audience participation/reaction! For example, Like everyone screaming at the same time in a horror movie or going oooohhhhh if the nerd finally hit the bully in the face, this movie does that kind of audience participation. Sorta like how things go at a cool concert or baseball game with everyone clapping and cheering and stuff at the same time so yeah go see the movie too and get the game!!!!! It's great.
Click to expand...
 
F

FoneBone

Member
A bunch of positive reviews for Terminator 3:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00009P9IW/?tag=neogaf0e-20

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00008NRM4/?tag=neogaf0e-20
Best Teenage Girls' Game Of The 2000s!!, July 17, 2003
Reviewer: David Adam Kremer (Santa Barbara, CA

Santa Barbara, CA) - See all my reviews
Hello, folks!! This game is such a fantastic one for those who are adolescent girls and are striving to mastering these video games at this rating that appeal to many grownup women as well. Unfortunately, most video games like these at this rating still continues to offer many boys to go for in general which may provide unneccessary harshness to the individual. Beginning in the fall, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will be the next video game to be released and you'll love enjoying both of these kinds. For now, Charlie's Angels is the best one to you'll ever want to buy and/or rent.

The graphics are so excellent and the control techniques are a lot easier to outdo. Before you begin to advance to the hard mode, you must work several times as hard in the previous levels of difficulty and be at least in your late teens in order to master every fighting technique in the most challenging level. The main tip is the most helpful. Happy Mastering!!
Click to expand...
 
6

6.8

Member
On xenosaga.

I MEAN IF YOU LIKE TO WATCH MOVIE INSTEAD OF PLAYING GAME YOU WILL LOVE THIS GAME. BECAUSE THIS GAME SHOWS MOSTLY THE MOVIE OF THIS GAME! YOU CANT BARELY PLAY! AND PLUS YOU GET SICK OF THIS SO BORING MONSTERS! AHHH! NOT USED TO THIS KIND OF RPG GAME!
Click to expand...

Help potatoes are going to kill me!!!! HELP!!!
Oh, and by the way this game is awsome!! Amazing gameplay Beutiful cinimatics. BUY THIS GAME IF YOU DON'T HAVE IT!!!
AHHHHHHHH!!! POTATOES!!!!
Click to expand...
^^:lol

This guy is right though:
I bought this game due to how much hype was behind it's origin, Xenogears, and due to the advertised hours of gameplay and great story. I was extremely wrong.

The game has terrible play with a very dull, very long story. It takes around 10 hours just to get INTO the game, and to be able to actually DO anything. Some may say just to buy it to see a great "movie-game", but it would not even qualify for that. The "cutescenes" are non-cinematic and are much too long to keep your interest.

The only thing GOOD I would say about the game is the fact that it keeps stupid gamers busy playing it while the more sophisticated, real gamers are talking about (and playing) the REAL games.
Click to expand...
 
H

heavy liquid

Member
They're not games, but these were pretty funny:

Seven Samurai:

Save your money and time by not watching this badly made kung-fu movie. The guys in this movie do not know martial arts at all.
Click to expand...

The Shining:

THIS MOVIE IS HORRIBLE. IT SUCKS BIG FAT FURRY ASS. JUST LOOK AT THE COVER. THAT EXPLAINS IT ALL!!! HES A SUPER FREAK!!! SUPER FREAK!!!
Click to expand...
 
D

DarkGiygas

Member
Fable:

Going to skip this one, August 25, 2004
Reviewer: B. Admire (Pennsylvania, USA) - See all my reviews


This is one RPG on the Xbox that I'll either be skipping totally or maybe renting. The graphics, from what I've seen so far (pics and video's) are remeniscent of a Gamecube game. I'm not a fan of the Gcube, and from all the preview images out there it looks like I won't be a fan of this game.

Granted there may be some great innovations in this game, but if I can't get past the cartoony graphics then it's not worth my money.
Click to expand...

Fable...is...the...BEST!!!!!, August 15, 2004
A Kid's Review
Do anything,be anything this is truly a remarkable game. Every thing u do changes your lifestyle. For good or bad. Go bald or become a hair ball. Be a theif or a rescuer. If you make friends, team up with them or steal all they have.
If you read this YOU MUST BUY THIS GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Click to expand...
 
B

bjork

Member
"Then the games. You'd think that with I think over 200 5 second games this game would be really diverse and stuff. Pretty much it's just is about 20 5 second games with different pictures. It's either rapid tapping, or get good timing. There are some different games however like dodge stuff or ok never mind."

I like the game and all, but this is pretty much true.
 
G

GSG Flash

Nobody ruins my family vacation but me...and maybe the boy!
GTA SA

too realistic for my tastes, August 16, 2004
Reviewer: king wolf (TN) - See all my reviews
Well, Driver 3 is far more advanced, in terms of graphics at least, than the old, outdated Renderware software that GTA is still using could possibly be, so it appears that Rockstar has gone in another direction to give the game added realism. They have made the main character black. This is certainly far more realistic than having a white main character perform all the ultra-violent criminal activity that the GTA series is known for, since, as any informed person knows, blacks commit violent crimes at a rate several times that of whites. That, of course, is why all those "redneck" states that all you brainwashed urban dwellers seem to hate so much have far lower crime rates than are necessary in places like "San Andreas". Unfortunately, though, this is just a little too much realism for me. I think I'll go with the new "Dukes of Hazzard" video game instead, which comes out around the same time. I hope the horn plays "Dixie", just like in the TV show. Yee haw!
Click to expand...

another stupid one

Halo 2

this game was cool, July 17, 2004
Reviewer: A gamer
This game was cool, until i played it. Yeah then everything pretty much went down hill from there, similar to a bomb, ya know?
Click to expand...
 
H

heavy liquid

Member
Gamecube modem:

Boom! Just when you though your eyes couldn't believe it Nintendo sets the price and date for the modem. Boom! This is what your going to need to play all those online games online like Mario, Zelda, Metroid, Punch Out, Pikmin, Bomberman 2, Shaq Fu, Halo, Space Harrier, Robotron, and whatever else Nintendo throws at us. Boom! Don't forget you need to have phone service to use this, so send a letter to your local phone company if you don't have a phone, cause you know your going to want PSO when it comes out. Boom! There's also BROADBAND, so buy that too...BOOM!
Click to expand...
 
A

AeroGod

Member
Apharmd Battler said:
My stomach hurts from reading the Gamecube Meatloaf review!! I am still cracking up everytime I read it!!
Click to expand...

Yeah, Ive read that line at least 20 times and I still laugh. Its the greatest anti-nintendo thing ever said in the history of the world.

Anyone want to visualize it with a photoshop?
 
D

DDayton

(more a nerd than a geek)
This reminds me of an earlier thread I started...

Dan's "Listmania" customer list -- aka "Why GameCube Games Suck, and are for little kids". Highlights include:

- Loz Wind Waker: "Omg what a lame game. I loved Ocarina of time, but cmon this is terrible. Graphics are SOOOO bad. Gameplay is terrible. And worst of all, u can tell easily, its made for a little kid."

- Metroid Prime: "The easiest FPS game ever made. U click ur left trigger and HOME on to enemies. HOW HARD! Again another terible nintendo game, and hey!? made for little kids!!!"

- Super Smash Bros. Melee: "hmmm a fighting game. With about 4 moves a player. nice job. oh and i like how conveniantly the Z button is placed. If u little kids reading dont understand, IM BEING SARCASTIC"
(I'm rather fond of this one, actually. Notice the clever way he uses sarcasm to make his point.)
 
E

Echoes of Pink

Member
AeroGod said:
Yeah, Ive read that line at least 20 times and I still laugh. Its the greatest anti-nintendo thing ever said in the history of the world.

Anyone want to visualize it with a photoshop?
Click to expand...

I'm dying laughing at the mental image of a cd sticking out of a meatloaf already.
 
E

evilromero

Member
Wow. Bitter insecure children hate Nintendo. What did Nintendo offer too much fun and shrink their goddamn penis? I'm constantly reminded of Genesis versus SNES. Choosing anything except the Nintendo platform was a nerds way of lashing out against those who don't care to listen.
 
M

mattx5

Member
FortNinety said:
I seriously want to punch the guy who did the Seven Samurai review.
Click to expand...

I was just about to post the same thing. The others are funny, but the Seven Samurai review is just infuriating....
 
A

AniHawk

Member
AeroGod said:
Yeah, Ive read that line at least 20 times and I still laugh. Its the greatest anti-nintendo thing ever said in the history of the world.

Anyone want to visualize it with a photoshop?
Click to expand...

I would if I had any photoshop skillz.

A GC box with a picture of a meatloaf instead, and "MEATLOAF" written in the same font as "GAMECUBE." The CD would be sticking out of it, of course.
 
S

Stryder

Member
GAME REALLY DOWNSIZED, December 11, 2002
A Kid's Review
REALLY CHEESY. GIVES ME A HEADACHE JUST THINKING ABOUT THE PIKMIN RUNNING ABOUT. THIS GAME ISNT VERY GOOD IN FACT I WOULD HAVE NEVER CONSIDERED BUYING THIS GAME. THE GRAPHICS ARE GOOD BUT THE FIGHTING IS THE WORST IVE SEEN IN MY YEARS AS A GAMER(11). iT IS REALLY ADDICTIVE DESPITE MY RATINGS. THIS IS WHAT PIKMIN DESERVES:
GRAPHICS 5/5
MUSIC 0/5
FIGHTING -1/5
Click to expand...
Do you think he really likes it?
This game is by far the worset zelda game, it should not even be called zelda. First off this is not a game, its a interactive storybook. The whole game you are led around, the game tells you what to do at almost every turn, there is zero free will, hardly any if any figureing things out, none of that
the game is made so that a child will not be turned off because he/she cant figure out where to go

Prime example: in the boat, there is a small arrow behind it, that points in the direction you are supose to be traveling in, (see the map you have there is all for show ;p)

this is my favorite, you come to a ledge and before you even have a chance to look around the game pops up and says "do u see a narrow ledge you could inch across? to inch across face the wall and hod down "A" but be careful!..., other parts in a FMV it shows u just where to go, also tells you what you need to do consistently

Older gamers pls run and hide, dont waste your money on this,

this game should be like liquior only in reverse, (12 and under only!)
Click to expand...
:lol
 
R

RiZ III

Member
Ninja Gaiden:
XBOX OWNERS READ THIS, March 3, 2004
A Kid's Review
Microsft is liying about the relese date of the Xbox 2, the console will have a secret launch somewhere in july, they are not telling this news for the community because no one will buy xbox anymore. I also know from a reliable source inside microsoft that XBOX LIVE is sending a undetectable worms to 20% of the xbox users ( mostly die-hard-fans), the worms destroys the hard-dribe of the xbox be overloaing it. Send this to every xbox user, don't let the propaganda fool you, they'r playing with our money just for getting extra cash. This is no joke remember XBOX 2 will come in july with the name of XBOX: EVO.-insider
Click to expand...

PS2
Sony's Playstation & Playstation 2 sucks!!!!!!, July 7, 2004
Reviewer: Matt Aston (MS,USA) - See all my reviews
Listen okay this piece of crap is a VIC-20 compared to a GameCube.
1.I hate Playstation for messing with Nintendo.
2.Playstation is the reason Sega dosen't make systems anymore.
3.It breaks in like a day.
4.GameCube,Xbox,(even Dreamcast)have better graphics than this piece of crap you all call a VG console.
5.If you want a good system buy a GameCube or GBA.
Click to expand...

wouldn`t touch it with a 10 foot pole, January 6, 2004
Reviewer: rudolf rednose - See all my reviews
When I asked the guy at my computer shop about PS2 he said he wouldn`t touch it with a 10 foot pole, so either get X BOX or get an 11 foot pole hahahaha
Click to expand...
 
T

TekunoRobby

Tag of Excellence
Amazon Kiddie said:
When I asked the guy at my computer shop about PS2 he said he wouldn`t touch it with a 10 foot pole, so either get X BOX or get an 11 foot pole hahahaha
Click to expand...

Oh god, that was too fucking much. These kids are teh greatest intarweb thing ever.
 
K

Kai Dracon

Writing a dinosaur space opera symphony
Wow, I almost thought the SA Goon squad descended on Amazon for the first few there! Damn good stuff!

(Then I realized the Amazon stuff was a little too literate and funny. Amazon Gamer Kids +1!)
 
D

Dagless M.D.

Member
wouldn`t touch it with a 10 foot pole, January 6, 2004
Reviewer: rudolf rednose - See all my reviews
When I asked the guy at my computer shop about PS2 he said he wouldn`t touch it with a 10 foot pole, so either get X BOX or get an 11 foot pole hahahaha
Click to expand...

this one is golden
 
E

evilromero

Member
Sony's Playstation & Playstation 2 sucks!!!!!!, July 7, 2004
Reviewer: Matt Aston (MS,USA) - See all my reviews
Listen okay this piece of crap is a VIC-20 compared to a GameCube.
1.I hate Playstation for messing with Nintendo.
2.Playstation is the reason Sega dosen't make systems anymore.
3.It breaks in like a day.
4.GameCube,Xbox,(even Dreamcast)have better graphics than this piece of crap you all call a VG console.
5.If you want a good system buy a GameCube or GBA.

Haha. Well you have to hand it to him, it's all true. You don't need to be a doctor to figure that out.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Ace Attorney Investigations Collection | Review Thread
Analysis Review
8
623
Labadal replied
Earth Defense Force 6 | Review Thread
Analysis Review
0
486
Draugoth replied
Star Wars Outlaws | Review Thread
Analysis Review 8 9 10 11 12
571
40K
Gamer_By_Proxy replied
Killer Klowns from Outer Space: The Game | Review Thread
Analysis Review
7
1K
Luipadre replied
Tsukihime: A Piece of Blue Glass Moon | Review Thread + OT |
Analysis Review
35
2K
Thick Thighs Save Lives replied
Top Bottom