Previously:
part one
part two
The babysitting continues in
Clone Wars: The Movie. Dooku’s droids attack the monastery, led by Ventress. Even though they appear to be roughly the same in number as they were when they were defeated by people climbing a mountain, they manage to push the Republic forces back into the monastery. Anakin’s ship is destroyed in the process. R2 plugs into the wall to try to find a way out, while Anakin calls Ahsoka out on being so fucking whiny for this entire movie. He asks what she’s trying to prove, and she says that she wants to prove that she’s not too young to be a Padawan. He tells her to have some patience, and that should be the end of that, right? On a map of the monastery, R2 finds a backdoor landing platform to serve as an escape.
The clones aren’t invited, though. They’re too busy serving as meatshields against Ventress’s forces until Obi-Wan arrives with back-up. Most of them are killed, but Rex is one of the survivors, and after he tries and fails to gun down Ventress she uses a Jedi Mind Trick to get him to call Anakin, which amounts to…nothing, really. Under the influence of the Mind Trick, Rex refers to him as simply “Anakin” instead of “General Skywalker”, which tips them off so the whole thing fails.
Anakin, Ahsoka, R2, and Jabba Jr. (I refuse to refer to him as “Stinky”
head to the platform just as Obi-Wan arrives in a ship, though they can’t contact him since communications are being jammed. Anakin then calls Rex (is selective communication jamming a thing?) even though he was with Ventress not moments ago. But Rex is not has inexplicably survived his encounter with Ventress, he’s away from her and in a group of captured clones. The activation of his radio gives him the distraction he needs to begin attacking the droids, which pushes the other clones to follow suit. He answers Anakin and asks for backup, but Ahsoka advises Anakin against this as they need to complete their mission. Fortunately, the choice is made by Ventress, who shows up at the platform accompanied by two of the rolling droids. Anakin shuts the door, and she begins cutting through as some of those big, round droids with nose guns climb the mountain and begin firing at the platform from below. Suddenly, Jabba Jr. notices another landing platform on a distant mountain! And there’s a ship on it! And then there’s bug hives below the platform and the droids shooting disturbs them! And then a giant wasp/dragonfly/whatever alien flies out and Anakin jumps on it! And then Ventress breaks through and attacks Ahsoka, but Anakin hits her with his new pet dragonfly and then they fly off to the landing platform in the distance! This is fucking fanfiction, Jesus Christ.
Oh, and that one evil protocol droid is somehow on the other platform and they destroy him. Yeah. Anyway, Obi-Wan finally arrives on the ground at the monastery to provide backup and quickly confronts Ventress with a half-assed Jojo pose. Anakin manages to start up the piece-of-junk ship and informs Rex that they won’t be able to help him as they fly off to get Jabba Jr. some medical attention. Obi-Wan continues to battle Ventress in a decent fight that isn’t much to write home about outside of one amusing quip: he says “you’ll have to do better than that, my dear” after Ventress throws her dress/robe/skirt/thing at him to distract him.
In the chaos, Anakin attempts to land the ship on a Republic cruiser. The clones inside lower the deflector shields for him, which allow the droids to literally destroy the entire ship. His reaction to this can be summed up as, “Oops.” Forced to head to Tatooine, he tells Ahsoka to check in the back for medical supplies as they make the jump to hyperspace. She finds the supplies and renders the entire subplot pointless. Ventress senses that Jabba Jr. is now beyond her reach and runs away when Obi-Wan starts to pose some more.
Apart from the laughably stupid dragonfly part and the fact that Rex is alive only because he's an important character, there's nothing hugely wrong with this section. It's just...dull. We've already had several battle sequences at this point, and this one is decidedly less interesting than the climbing one. It all feels so standard and boring; this is about the point where I decided I wanted the movie to be over and done with, but it just kept on going. None of this really feels hugely relevant, it's kind of obligatory, like "the droids are attacking, now we have to show all these fights."
Next time, it's politics with Padme! Also, I got bored so I made this:
