tearsofash
Member
The thread title made me a little hesitant to even come in here.
What are some suggestions, if we were to change it?
What are some suggestions, if we were to change it?
-
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Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)
- Thread starter lexi
- Start date
I guess it depends on how you'd feel about your gender. I can see how someone whose gender fluid or otherwise non-binary might even be able to identify with this more instead, and everyone has different levels of comfort about pre-transition. Assuming they even went that route.
Lee Chaolan
Member
My goodness and it's a long way before this topic would be full.
Could probably just start a new one and ask a mod to lock the old one.
Could probably just start a new one and ask a mod to lock the old one.
AppleSeason
Member
Thank Dog for being western looking in an asian place and being harder to clock this way.
Heh, Just a bit more of 24 hours here and I am already feeling genital envy again.
Not a lot to do, mostly using the low temperature hours to make runs to Tesco in order to stash enough food for the minimum 10 days inside the room / hotel. I maybe allowed to leave earlier than two weeks if my recovery allows it, but I will wait until the catheter is out. Tomorrow begins the clear liquid diet. So mostly vegetable broth, sprite and water.
The main downside of the Vertical Suite is that it is not Tranny Alley (if you have been to the Bangkok-Rama, you know what I'm talking about). Apart from seeing other patients during breakfast, there won't be a lot of trans socialising. but overall, it's much better equipped for long stays and Seacon Square is much closer than the Lotus at the rama. And that means a lot when you are recovering. But wishing I had put more effort into my japanese. I'm as as lost as with the thai, despite some stores being in japanese apart from english.
Heh, Just a bit more of 24 hours here and I am already feeling genital envy again.
Not a lot to do, mostly using the low temperature hours to make runs to Tesco in order to stash enough food for the minimum 10 days inside the room / hotel. I maybe allowed to leave earlier than two weeks if my recovery allows it, but I will wait until the catheter is out. Tomorrow begins the clear liquid diet. So mostly vegetable broth, sprite and water.
The main downside of the Vertical Suite is that it is not Tranny Alley (if you have been to the Bangkok-Rama, you know what I'm talking about). Apart from seeing other patients during breakfast, there won't be a lot of trans socialising. but overall, it's much better equipped for long stays and Seacon Square is much closer than the Lotus at the rama. And that means a lot when you are recovering. But wishing I had put more effort into my japanese. I'm as as lost as with the thai, despite some stores being in japanese apart from english.
AppleSeason
Member
Definitely , I was in higher spirits when I arrived here than now. Day #02 od Clear liquid diet is crushing me, and the less is talked after in the evening I start with the laxatives, the better.
Once I finish with my last trips to the mall (get snacks and drinks for when I am healed, buy a new suitcase -Thanks, Air France-, and buy a lint roller -What's wrong with this washing machine) and a cushion for the couch, I won't be leaving the room, as my my whole digestive system won't let me go more than a few metres away from the toilet.
Just want to be done with this so that I can eat normally again. Or at least a soft diet for 7 days after surgery, which is still better than this shit.
Once I finish with my last trips to the mall (get snacks and drinks for when I am healed, buy a new suitcase -Thanks, Air France-, and buy a lint roller -What's wrong with this washing machine) and a cushion for the couch, I won't be leaving the room, as my my whole digestive system won't let me go more than a few metres away from the toilet.
Just want to be done with this so that I can eat normally again. Or at least a soft diet for 7 days after surgery, which is still better than this shit.
I also suck for diets but I am a natural born sleeper so blood tests I have no problem like I eat 11pm and then go to sleep at 3 am and wake up at 2pm, take a bath and go to do the blood test =P
But most of the time is just 10 or 12 hours
Hopefully this continues to go relatively smoothly, AppleSeason!
I made this post in a low testosterone thread. Definitely curious to see how I feel over the next few weeks, but I do feel more normal than I think I have for awhile now, though it'd have been nice to know how a lower dose would've felt if the last injection hadn't been screwed up.
I made this post in a low testosterone thread. Definitely curious to see how I feel over the next few weeks, but I do feel more normal than I think I have for awhile now, though it'd have been nice to know how a lower dose would've felt if the last injection hadn't been screwed up.
AppleSeason
Member
Everything's ready, I guess. 3 hours left for the pussy wagon to pick me. Being lazy and watching Cartoon Network on an impossible to understand language while I try to sleep a bit so that I can't feel the hunger.
AppleSeason
Member
Still waiting in bed... I wonder what they do with so many balls... Do they sell them to the street food vendors? Like tranny balls could be a Thai delicacy?
AppleSeason
Member
All done. Had breakfast already, but I cNt wait for something more solid.
You had a typo there ... i think you mean "i cunt wait for something more solid" ;D
I think there's a rule about how long you have to wait before you're allowed to try it out.
AppleSeason
Member
Only thing going there are the dilators. I don't see myself having sex in the future. But at leas croissants are includes in the soft diet. Even if main dish will be mushroom cream / soup
It's starting to hurt a bit more and swell , but Tje worst is hoe my butt will itch now. And the gas.
Btw, nausea was not a big issue, just two time, no vomiting. Maybe keeping a fast metabolism helped if it was not for how sore my throat is, I will be like that guy in the train in Kids, singing "I have no legs" but dick instead of legs.
It's starting to hurt a bit more and swell , but Tje worst is hoe my butt will itch now. And the gas.
Btw, nausea was not a big issue, just two time, no vomiting. Maybe keeping a fast metabolism helped if it was not for how sore my throat is, I will be like that guy in the train in Kids, singing "I have no legs" but dick instead of legs.
Rajack
Member
Congratulations hun! I know you will be so much happier now!
On a positive note with my little corner of the world I have officially started my legal name change process and the local nonprofit group Metro Trans Umbrella Group will be paying my filing fees! When it is all said and done I will be officially known to the world as Katja Galiana Löwin! It means "Pure Supreme Lioness" in German.
AppleSeason
Member
Back in the hotel. God (anyone), travelling by car sucks even with the cushion. And btw, chett's drivers will drive as if it was an ambulance, which is a pretty impressive feat with bangkok's traffic (people using bikes for sports must have a deaht wish)
The status so far:
- Packing is more than just what's inside the neovagina. I still have something that looks like half a diaper around me.
- Due to said packing, showering is forbidden until 22nd when it is removed. For the same reason I wil probably avoid washing my hair for a few more days. I am afraid I will faint if I bent over the bathtub to wash it with the handle.
- it's good to be able to wash my teeth whenever I want. When you are in the clinic you only get to do it twice, once at 6:00 before breakfast and another at 19:00. having that aftertaste of corn soup on your mouth all day sucks
- It's easier to stand than to sit, Having arm strenght really helps, as it allows me to stand while not putting the weight on my lower body.
- You get wheelchaired from the car to your room. I still see this as shameful.
- I haven't solved the problem of donut cushion + folding table. You can't use both, but apparently I can be half reclined in bed without feeling pain. Looks like for now I will only need the cushion for real chairs and trips.
- Paying for a better seat with extra leg space is a seriously good idea. You get a letter telling that they should give you one if possible, but paid around 70€ to get the emergency exit seat.
- Things will stink down there, and you can't do a lot to help it. I should have bought a bottle of alcohol to sanitice my navel piercing after having it out for four days. white goo coming out after putting it again.
So, does anybody give names to dilators? I'm thinking of calling them Violator, Vandalizer, Vaporizer, Vacillator and Vindicator. The if I get to the "special one", Orange Motherfucker.
The status so far:
- Packing is more than just what's inside the neovagina. I still have something that looks like half a diaper around me.
- Due to said packing, showering is forbidden until 22nd when it is removed. For the same reason I wil probably avoid washing my hair for a few more days. I am afraid I will faint if I bent over the bathtub to wash it with the handle.
- it's good to be able to wash my teeth whenever I want. When you are in the clinic you only get to do it twice, once at 6:00 before breakfast and another at 19:00. having that aftertaste of corn soup on your mouth all day sucks
- It's easier to stand than to sit, Having arm strenght really helps, as it allows me to stand while not putting the weight on my lower body.
- You get wheelchaired from the car to your room. I still see this as shameful.
- I haven't solved the problem of donut cushion + folding table. You can't use both, but apparently I can be half reclined in bed without feeling pain. Looks like for now I will only need the cushion for real chairs and trips.
- Paying for a better seat with extra leg space is a seriously good idea. You get a letter telling that they should give you one if possible, but paid around 70€ to get the emergency exit seat.
- Things will stink down there, and you can't do a lot to help it. I should have bought a bottle of alcohol to sanitice my navel piercing after having it out for four days. white goo coming out after putting it again.
So, does anybody give names to dilators? I'm thinking of calling them Violator, Vandalizer, Vaporizer, Vacillator and Vindicator. The if I get to the "special one", Orange Motherfucker.
AppleSeason
Member
Packing removal day. Wow, that was painful. I suspect that pain comes from an a bit loaded intestine being pushed.
So 6 inches exact, 15,24 cm... I suppose it is not bad, although I am a bit disappointed of not going over 6.5 or reaching 7. It's still better than what I was promised with the penile inversion: 11 cm (4'3" as a guaranteed minimum), 14 if lucky (but mostly around 12), but being warned by another girl that it's always less thatn what they say.
Oh well. I had accepted that this is not something you can influence so it's not like I can complain. I'm not very tall (173-174 cm) or I have a massive pelvis. but I better be diligent with dilation so it won't go to less than this. And regarding aesthetics... I suppose it's too early to talk. Right now the outside looks like a black hole eating all the skin.
So 6 inches exact, 15,24 cm... I suppose it is not bad, although I am a bit disappointed of not going over 6.5 or reaching 7. It's still better than what I was promised with the penile inversion: 11 cm (4'3" as a guaranteed minimum), 14 if lucky (but mostly around 12), but being warned by another girl that it's always less thatn what they say.
Oh well. I had accepted that this is not something you can influence so it's not like I can complain. I'm not very tall (173-174 cm) or I have a massive pelvis. but I better be diligent with dilation so it won't go to less than this. And regarding aesthetics... I suppose it's too early to talk. Right now the outside looks like a black hole eating all the skin.
AppleSeason
Member
Well, I was allowed to see a bit the filling of the sandwich. Looks quite meaty and pink inside, and I think I could see my clit. Or what they pointed at. Looks nice inside, but over the top sensitive.
Sitting is a big better, but I still don't want to push it.
AppleSeason
Member
from what other persons say, i'd put it at 6 months to look ok and one year fir the final look. At 3 months it's usable for sex and working out, but I'd probably keep changing inside the shower stall.
AppleSeason
Member
Today I got a taste for how fast this can shrunk to the point of making dilation painful ,(I'm still on one per day), and tomorrow we move to every 12 hours, and doing it on my own.
So far srs has been a walk in the park, jusy playing videogames and being a lazy slob, but now is when I have to take an active part into it. And I',m scared. Not a light of confidence in myself to do the dilation right and hit depth, given how hard it was today.
So far srs has been a walk in the park, jusy playing videogames and being a lazy slob, but now is when I have to take an active part into it. And I',m scared. Not a light of confidence in myself to do the dilation right and hit depth, given how hard it was today.
tearsofash
Member
i wanna get surgery too ;_;
tearsofash
Member
Does transgaf have a discord? We should totaly get a discord.
Butterfly Witch
Member
There is one, yes.
tearsofash
Member
will you please invite me to it?
AppleSeason
Member
3 dilations a day... Overall they get easier, just the morning one is the hardest, 12 hours after the last one. Showed the work to a few select persons, and they are surprised at how fast it takes (a good) shape and looks pretty decent already. Apparently either I did not get a lot of swelling due to the drains or it's going down fast. I must be a mutant of some sorts, Like the trans version of Wolverine. Or maybe Deadpool, seeing how nuts I am going here.
Two dungeons left on Zelda: A Link between Worlds before I jump to the steam games from the sale that I can run on my cheap laptop. I'm still stuck on the room until the 29th, and getting bad cabin fever. As soon as I am out of this place I'm running to starbucks.
Two dungeons left on Zelda: A Link between Worlds before I jump to the steam games from the sale that I can run on my cheap laptop. I'm still stuck on the room until the 29th, and getting bad cabin fever. As soon as I am out of this place I'm running to starbucks.
Team Alucard
Banned
I've been contemplating blinding myself lately as a method of alleviating my dysphoria.
I would never have to see myself in the mirror again. Never have to see another photo. Nor would I ever see the visage of another cis woman, something that triggers my dysphoria almost as much as my own body. After a while even my own memory of these things would begin to fade.
Obviously I would be making my life infinitely more difficult in almost every other manner, but I don't have any real hope for the future anyways.
This probably seems absolutely insane to most normal people (then again, so does transition), but I've reached the point where drastic measures are worth trying.
I would never have to see myself in the mirror again. Never have to see another photo. Nor would I ever see the visage of another cis woman, something that triggers my dysphoria almost as much as my own body. After a while even my own memory of these things would begin to fade.
Obviously I would be making my life infinitely more difficult in almost every other manner, but I don't have any real hope for the future anyways.
This probably seems absolutely insane to most normal people (then again, so does transition), but I've reached the point where drastic measures are worth trying.
Team Alucard
Banned
Well, the only other real alternative is even more drastic, and would subsequently prevent any other sort of action from being taken.
And even if blinding myself failed to produce the desired result, there's always the aforementioned plan B.
That same logic is the only reason why I'm even willing to try HRT, although at this point I have more faith in blindness reducing dysphoria than I do in HRT.
And even if blinding myself failed to produce the desired result, there's always the aforementioned plan B.
That same logic is the only reason why I'm even willing to try HRT, although at this point I have more faith in blindness reducing dysphoria than I do in HRT.
Butterfly Witch
Member
Blindness won't save you. You will still be you.
Your only way to reduce dysphoria is HRT. There is literally no other way.
Think about it, you're literally advocating for self harm instead of seeking health.
Seek health.
If you do HRT blind you don't see the results and if it works (since part of dysphoria IS your body needing estrogen) you can't go back to see again.
AND you will still be able to touch your body and other people's bodies.
Also thank you for not feeling dysphoria when you look at us.
If you do HRT dead you ... don't do HRT. And can't go back to try anything.
So it makes perfectly sense to try HRT first and then, after the years that it takes for all the effects to finish, try the other 2.
AND you will still be able to touch your body and other people's bodies.
Also thank you for not feeling dysphoria when you look at us.
If you do HRT dead you ... don't do HRT. And can't go back to try anything.
So it makes perfectly sense to try HRT first and then, after the years that it takes for all the effects to finish, try the other 2.
also blinding yourself must be the most stupid idea anyone has ever had. And that includes Shyryu from Saint Seiya and he was fighting a Medusa
Team Alucard
Banned
I don't expect it to save me. Just to eliminate things that trigger my dysphoria.
The question is whether or not the reduction in dysphoria is worth the massive decline in overall QoL that comes with being blind.
But you can ask that same question about transition. Is the reduction in dysphoria worth the massive decline in overall QoL that comes with being visibly trans.
As someone who lives in the country that has the biggest numbers of murders of trans people : YES WITHOUT EVEN BLINKING
or even better : SIM PORRA CARALHO BUCETA ! PRA ONTEM !
Because it is NOT a massive decline, specially in richer countries.
Butterfly Witch
Member
The very first post on this thread has a story about a blind trans woman, mayb eyou should give it another read?
Being blind isn't going to "hide" the fact that you're trans, it's still going to gnaw at you just as much.
You don't even know if you will be visibly trans or not but you're talking about literally maiming yourself for life. Think about it
As someone who has a disability, you have no fucking idea how losing one of your senses changes your day to day. If you think you do then stop because you don't.
AppleSeason
Member
And maybe therapy before more drastic measures involving self harm? It's my next step in transition after this. Knowing myself, the suicide ideations will come again.
My feet are huge. I basically can't go to most stores and find women's shoes, and have had to search online for places that carry my size in order to find most of what I own. Every time I'm out with my wife and she's looking at shoes, I'm reminded of that, and it's a huge "you were a dude and will never be a real woman" trigger that goes off in my head.
So is the solution to cut my feet off then?
Absolutely, positively therapy.
Team Alucard
Banned
Been there, done that. Already tried the therapy and self-acceptance route, which is why I'm looking into more serious remedies.
And honestly, if I could "accept myself" as a visible trans person, then I'd rather just go even furthur and "accept myself" as a man and simply avoid all the baggage that comes with being non-passing.
Of course not. The benefit of having feet outweighs the cost of dysphoria during shoe-shopping with your SO.
But if you extrapolate "feet" to "entire body" and "shoe-shopping" to "the majority of daily interactions with other people" then the idea of maiming yourself to reduce discomfort becomes more appealing.
Butterfly Witch
Member
Actually you're being really condescending to mollipen by assuming that her dysphoria isn't nearly as bad as yours. How the hell do you even know? How do you know that she doesn't have to go through her life in pain because of it?
You're basically wanting to self harm and you're trying to come up with a justification for it. It doesn't work like that. If you think being blind would make you less dysphoric then you are factually wrong.
Love you guys for not answering the "Is the reduction in dysphoria worth the massive decline in overall QoL that comes with being visibly trans." question =/
It does not work because there are VERY few baggages that comes with "non passing trans" that are not already present with "non transitioning trans needing to transition", specialy if you ignore baggage that is basicaly "you are an ugly woman" that cis woman also have =P
But here are examples of how being blind does not release you dysphoria :
All of those HRT and transition in general helps everyone
You need to touch (feel your body) yourself to dress up
Your body still have male type hair, so you will still need to shave your beard
You will still not have any choice of women's clothing
NOBODY will try to talk to you using female pronouns or name
Imagination exists... chances are you will just forget how ugly cis women look like and will focus even more on "passing = becoming a porn star"
Your body will still have the chemistry need for estrogen
physical contact with women (cis or trans) will dysphore you
Buying clothes will still dysphore you
Cutting your hair short will still dysphore you
Going to the bathroom will dysphore you (specialy the "where is the bathroom" question will always be answered with "the male one is there")
Every single compliment about how beautiful you are will still be riridiculously dysphoric since people will never think otherwise but compliment on your manliness.
The amount of "sorry sir" that you hear will increase RIDICULOUSLY because bumping on people who does not notice you/your guide dog
And those are just the top of my seeing head
But feel free to consider blinding yourself less extreme than the medical consensus on how to fix dysphoria =P
I can't believe I am having this conversation
It does not work because there are VERY few baggages that comes with "non passing trans" that are not already present with "non transitioning trans needing to transition", specialy if you ignore baggage that is basicaly "you are an ugly woman" that cis woman also have =P
But here are examples of how being blind does not release you dysphoria :
All of those HRT and transition in general helps everyone
You need to touch (feel your body) yourself to dress up
Your body still have male type hair, so you will still need to shave your beard
You will still not have any choice of women's clothing
NOBODY will try to talk to you using female pronouns or name
Imagination exists... chances are you will just forget how ugly cis women look like and will focus even more on "passing = becoming a porn star"
Your body will still have the chemistry need for estrogen
physical contact with women (cis or trans) will dysphore you
Buying clothes will still dysphore you
Cutting your hair short will still dysphore you
Going to the bathroom will dysphore you (specialy the "where is the bathroom" question will always be answered with "the male one is there")
Every single compliment about how beautiful you are will still be riridiculously dysphoric since people will never think otherwise but compliment on your manliness.
The amount of "sorry sir" that you hear will increase RIDICULOUSLY because bumping on people who does not notice you/your guide dog
And those are just the top of my seeing head
But feel free to consider blinding yourself less extreme than the medical consensus on how to fix dysphoria =P
I can't believe I am having this conversation