I want to make that clear - the guy is really cool and I'm 100% sure that his reaction would be different if he had thought about this before. My point is that society in general doesn't think/tries to learn about transgender people. People are afraid of what they don't understand. Who knows, I might have skipped this thread if it wasn't for Nip/Tuck and how it got me thinking.
Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)
- Thread starter lexi
- Start date
Melchiah
Member
Flink said:
Naturally. We're built to abhor being with men in an intimate way. Eventhough he would be a she now, she was once a he, and she isn't a natural woman in many men's eyes.
And before anyone chooses to accuse me of something, I'm a transvestite myself, which my girlfriend gladly approves (she knew about it before we started dating).
BiasedGamer said:
I think that's bullshit. People can respect transgenders 100% and still not want to be in a relationship with one imo. I personally don't think I could feel attracted to a girl that was once male. Just something on an instinctive level that puts me off I guess. If I were ignorant though, the girls in this thread are allowed to fool me any time.
Jamie xxoo
Member
ninj4junpei said:
Have you only started thinking about this since this thread started? If you're in a vulnerable place in life at the moment it's easy to be susceptible to suggestion - I'm just a bit worried you might be announcing things about yourself that you'll realize in a few weeks aren't really right. I could be wrong - this could have been on your mind for years?
The key factor in whether you should transition or not should be whether or not you can *function* without doing it. If you can - don't put yourself through it. It's harder than you can imagine, even in best case scenarios. You can manage gender dysphoria, if it's not too extreme, without transitioning fully. You can get facial hair permanently removed, express your feminine side more through what you wear, how you act, how you talk, the activities you take part in, letting people know you identify with women and don't want to be included in "manly" things, part-time cross-dressing if that works for you - there are SO many options before you get to the point where you start taking hormones and get operations and change your entire life, test every relationship, go through unbelievable humiliation, and spend all your money on transition.
Transition only solves a few problems and creates a LOT of them. Those problems you're solving need to be HUGE ones to justify it. Transition is a bit like chemotherapy - it can save you from a fatal condition but it nearly kills you in the process. (Disclaimer: Being trans is not like having cancer, they're different things. It was just a metaphor.)
Definitely talk to your therapist about this, maybe get referred to a gender therapist (a specialist in this area.) Big hugs for being brave enough to talk about this openly though, and if this *is* you - being trans - then I'm really happy this thread has helped you start addressing it.
From someone in a situation similar to yours, welcome. Jamie already gave you all of the advice you will need for now, but there's one thing that I wanted to add. Since you're in university, it might behoove you to see if there is a psychiatrist on site that specializes in sexuality. I don't know if this is the case where you go, but the college that I'm currently attending has psychiatrists that are available for free, private consultations.ninj4junpei said:
Whichever path you choose, good luck.
Jamie xxoo
Member
BiasedGamer said:
Thank you for having those feelings, it's good to know some people are out there feeling this way. =)
Shanadeus said:
But - I've *always* been a girl inside, people just didn't know because my genetics told them otherwise.
I think this is the key thing - I was NEVER a guy. I just looked like one and tried to act like one because that's what I was told to do. I consider it a genetic disorder that some girls get that lumps them with the wrong sexual characteristics (and vice versa for transguys).
I wish people would be able to get it out of their heads that someone like me is a guy who decided to be a girl one day. This has been with me my *whole life*. If only people could get that I doubt there'd be so much of a "I can't touch you" attitude.
As well as not being *right*, saying "I wasn't born a girl" is just such a shocking way to say it to someone. It goes straight to the "Oh god this makes me gay!" fear that men have in dating me. I don't think there *is* a short way to tell someone. There's a story that's human and real to get across.
I do agree though that it's best to be upfront and not bring it up after something's already begun. It's the best thing for both of us.
Jamie xxoo
Member
No, not from accounts I've heard. Some people don't figure it out for quite a while. They just have a feeling of "wrongness" that they can't identify until one day it hits them.
Edit: I had some pretty strong indicators, like seeing myself as a girl in my dreams from the earliest age I can remember, and having the thought "I wish I had been born a girl" just about very day until I buried those thoughts as shameful in my teens. Not everyone gets such obvious clues.
Edit: I had some pretty strong indicators, like seeing myself as a girl in my dreams from the earliest age I can remember, and having the thought "I wish I had been born a girl" just about very day until I buried those thoughts as shameful in my teens. Not everyone gets such obvious clues.
Jamie xxoo
Member
Yep, that's right , no argument there.
But I would consider that "secondary" type to have been female from birth as well, just unaware of it.
But I would consider that "secondary" type to have been female from birth as well, just unaware of it.
Hey Stacky 
It's not exactly going very well. My interview last Friday was a shambles, my interviewer was late, he asked me to email him and I kept getting bounced emails, etc. Just really unprofessional and I never heard back.
I'm really very boring with the games I play. Lately I've just been playing through Half Life 2, Portal and occasionally TF2. I would be way too scared to play LFD2, mainly because I'd probably suck and get raged at.
It's not exactly going very well. My interview last Friday was a shambles, my interviewer was late, he asked me to email him and I kept getting bounced emails, etc. Just really unprofessional and I never heard back.
I'm really very boring with the games I play. Lately I've just been playing through Half Life 2, Portal and occasionally TF2. I would be way too scared to play LFD2, mainly because I'd probably suck and get raged at.
lexi said:Hey Stacky
It's not exactly going very well. My interview last Friday was a shambles, my interviewer was late, he asked me to email him and I kept getting bounced emails, etc. Just really unprofessional and I never heard back.
I'm really very boring with the games I play. Lately I've just been playing through Half Life 2, Portal and occasionally TF2. I would be way too scared to play LFD2, mainly because I'd probably suck and get raged at.
I'll play L4D2 with you once Steam is on Mac. We can both get raged at together, since I've never played.
Any of the new people have Last.FM? Here's mine if you're interested: http://www.last.fm/user/Alfarif347
Red Scarlet
Member
Red Scarlet
Member
lol wrong vid
edit: wrong vid 2x
edit: wrong vid 2x
Jamie xxoo
Member
Speaking of gender roles, I was walking my 5-year old niece to the park today and we passed a house that used to be pink, but has been painted gray recently. "Look honey, they painted their house!" I said. "A boy must live there now." she said.
Then the other day she drew a few pictures, and she decided they were presents for me. She has a couple of folders she keeps pictures in that she does for people. "Yours goes in the RED folder, 'cause you're a girl (red is close to pink I guess). Pa's pictures go in the BLUE folder, 'cause he's a boy."
This has come up a million times since I've been here - she has a real "all girls like pink"/"all boys like blue thing" and try to raise any idea that some boys might like pink or some girls might like blue and she just repeats "Yeah but girls like pink." She's just latched onto this at some point and wow is it fixed in place. Looking at her room it's easy to see why - it's just a SEA of pink. Even the walls are painted pink. She's obsessed with the color and the fact that it represents girls.
Makes me see how early we take on arbitrary gender-appropriate behavior and how ingrained it becomes. I mean, what's "female" about pink if you take away the cultural context? It's just so interesting.
On a side note we went to the park because I was starting to feel like I was avoiding going out in public since I came here to Small Town Nowhere. We walked to the park, said hello to several people on the way, then went to my brother's cafe where I stood and talked to him for half an hour while customers came and went, and then we walked home again passing a bunch of other people. Feeling pretty empowered against my anxiety now. =D
Then the other day she drew a few pictures, and she decided they were presents for me. She has a couple of folders she keeps pictures in that she does for people. "Yours goes in the RED folder, 'cause you're a girl (red is close to pink I guess). Pa's pictures go in the BLUE folder, 'cause he's a boy."
This has come up a million times since I've been here - she has a real "all girls like pink"/"all boys like blue thing" and try to raise any idea that some boys might like pink or some girls might like blue and she just repeats "Yeah but girls like pink." She's just latched onto this at some point and wow is it fixed in place. Looking at her room it's easy to see why - it's just a SEA of pink. Even the walls are painted pink. She's obsessed with the color and the fact that it represents girls.
Makes me see how early we take on arbitrary gender-appropriate behavior and how ingrained it becomes. I mean, what's "female" about pink if you take away the cultural context? It's just so interesting.
On a side note we went to the park because I was starting to feel like I was avoiding going out in public since I came here to Small Town Nowhere. We walked to the park, said hello to several people on the way, then went to my brother's cafe where I stood and talked to him for half an hour while customers came and went, and then we walked home again passing a bunch of other people. Feeling pretty empowered against my anxiety now. =D
I don't see anything wrong with a 5 year old thinking those ideals. They live in a pretty simple world. It seems best not to complicate things further than that.
Not picking a fight, just seems easier to keep things simple with kids that age.
Good luck with the job hunt too lexi, I'll play some L4D2 with you sometime. There is no shame in sticking to the Valve brand
Not picking a fight, just seems easier to keep things simple with kids that age.
Good luck with the job hunt too lexi, I'll play some L4D2 with you sometime. There is no shame in sticking to the Valve brand
Jamie xxoo
Member
Just got the best news - my new birth certificate was rushed through and sent off in the mail on Friday! Will have it this week! Yays! =D
I'm a bit behind on these valve games - I only just started playing Half Life 2 and Portal for the first time a few weeks ago and I'm barely an hour into each of them. For all the hype I'm liking HL2 the best out of both of them! Lexi was spoilering me all up and down the place a few nights ago as I was playing and telling her where I was up to LOL.
I'm a bit behind on these valve games - I only just started playing Half Life 2 and Portal for the first time a few weeks ago and I'm barely an hour into each of them. For all the hype I'm liking HL2 the best out of both of them! Lexi was spoilering me all up and down the place a few nights ago as I was playing and telling her where I was up to LOL.
Jamie xxoo said:
DO NOT LET LEXI SPOIL HL2 FOR YOU! I swear to god, I will have to HURT someone if you get spoiled on anything involving that game. The experience is SO WORTH IT.
Oh god, until you finish that game, you better just sit in a dark room somewhere with access to NOTHING but that game.
lexi said:I already gave my elation in a chat but congratulations again!!! I'm expecting mine in a few weeks
lol, she would be like 'yay I just shot a bridge!' and I would proceed to describe the next 10 minutes of gameplay with glee. Half Life is awesome.
Lexi, seriously, do NOT spoil HL2, Ep 1, OR Ep2 for her! This game was one of those "I can NOT believe that this is a GAME" type of games because of what it DOES. DON'T SPOIL IT! Oh gooooooood! We gotta barricade Jamie in her room until she finishes! AAAAH!
Jamie xxoo
Member
Alfarif said:
OMG, dude, calm down. LOL.
I have the whole day to myself tomorrow (until 3pm anyway) with no kids so I'm going to have a play session then.
EatChildren
Currently polling second in Australia's federal election (first in the Gold Coast), this feral may one day be your Bogan King.
Jamie xxoo said:
Hit up some TF2.
Jamie xxoo
Member
Did not laugh immediately. Starting to feel something now... no, false alarm. Just creepy.
So earlier I was saying I was expecting my certificate in a few weeks, IT ARRIVED TODAY! like 4 weeks ahead of schedule!
I had it sent to my Mom's place cause I was certain it would have taken so long and I'd have moved out of my current place... And she ONLY tells me at like 11:20pm that there's a letter for me from Births, Deaths and Marriages. I tell her to 'OPEN IT!!!' and she says ok.
Fifteen minutes later with her not answering the phone or ANYTHING she says she has fallen down the stairs. (I'm convinced I'm being punked at this point) but says YES it's the certificate and it's here and it's done and it's official! Oh and my mom's okay btw :lol
Talk about Anticlimactic! But I'm officially Lexi now!
I'm going over to pick it up tomorrow, so it'll be really really official then, when I have it in my hands.
I had it sent to my Mom's place cause I was certain it would have taken so long and I'd have moved out of my current place... And she ONLY tells me at like 11:20pm that there's a letter for me from Births, Deaths and Marriages. I tell her to 'OPEN IT!!!' and she says ok.
Fifteen minutes later with her not answering the phone or ANYTHING she says she has fallen down the stairs. (I'm convinced I'm being punked at this point) but says YES it's the certificate and it's here and it's done and it's official! Oh and my mom's okay btw :lol
Talk about Anticlimactic! But I'm officially Lexi now!
I'm going over to pick it up tomorrow, so it'll be really really official then, when I have it in my hands.
Jamie xxoo
Member
Congratulations Officially! I didn't realize Lexi was going to be your secon....
Yeah this joke isn't really working. Congrats.
Yeah this joke isn't really working. Congrats.
Jamie xxoo said:
Of course you gotta bring it up in a way you find most comfortable, I just went with that line because I thought it rolled of the tongue pretty sweet when I saw it in an interview with someone that had fully transitioned. Whether you just mention it as you get to know each other more and more or just put it out there (with my example being rather shocking, I know) before things has even started is of course completely dependent on how you are as a person.
Ideally, you shouldn't be "obligated" to mention your biological disorders to anyone you are dating - someone that is infertile won't be going around and saying they can't get kids either on the first date so bringing that up as an argument for being upfront is just plain wrong. It should just be something you are prepared to deal with if you like someone enough.
But until then you have to halt or pause a potentially nice thing you have going on with this one person that's genuinely alright, but just has some hangups probably put in place and enforced by stereotypes and societal views, instead of just going on naturally without having to think about how to bring up ones condition.
It's really their loss if they don't want to be with a girl as funny or attractive as you simply because of their close-mindedness and lack of independent thoughts, keep that in mind if you were to encounter someone using your disorder as an excuse not to see where things might go.
What's really interesting is how we went from viewing blue as a "girls colour" and pink as stereotypical male to the reverse, it's so randomly arbitrary that I cannot underpin a reason for the change.
wiki yay said:
Lexi: Nothing as sweet as it being official, congrats!
Been trying to figure out how to jump back into this thread (since I've missed a lot), so why not go for the recent "scandalous" question!
Oh, and really great to hear on the "being official" fronts for both Jamie and Lexi!
Sex, at this point, is pretty much worthless to me. I get almost no enjoyment from it.
...okay, sure, that's a terrible answer, but I suppose there are still some things I'm a little antsy about talking about publicly.
Well, I guess I will say one other thing, since I've never had any reservation in admitting this: I have never, ever enjoyed being on the receiving end of oral sex using the parts I was given. I mean, okay, I'm sure there have been a few times that I did like it, but pretty much every memory I have of being in that position has been of me being utterly bored.
When I came to find out how much men covet having that done to them, I started to think that maybe something might be up with me. *laughs*
Oh, and really great to hear on the "being official" fronts for both Jamie and Lexi!
Instigator said:
Sex, at this point, is pretty much worthless to me. I get almost no enjoyment from it.
...okay, sure, that's a terrible answer, but I suppose there are still some things I'm a little antsy about talking about publicly.
Well, I guess I will say one other thing, since I've never had any reservation in admitting this: I have never, ever enjoyed being on the receiving end of oral sex using the parts I was given. I mean, okay, I'm sure there have been a few times that I did like it, but pretty much every memory I have of being in that position has been of me being utterly bored.
When I came to find out how much men covet having that done to them, I started to think that maybe something might be up with me. *laughs*
Alfarif said:
Well, the problem is, I can say "yeah, sure, I'd love it," but until I actually had said part and was able to take it for a test drive, there's absolutely no way I could know. If I had to make a guess however, do I think I'd enjoy sex more with the other set of equipment? Absolutely!
For now, all I know for sure is what I've got and my feelings concerning such things. It's like I'm playing Street Fighter IV and all I have unlocked are shitty characters like Blanka, Dhalsim, and Zhangief.