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[Hypemaster]

I don't know how you managed to hold yourself back from tossing his ass out of your house.

 

[jetjevons]

This thread, man. Congrats on ultimately handling the situation so well. Sorry you both had to go through that.

 

[Gravidee]

I don't know about you, but I personally wouldn't have taken any chances opening the door 5AM in the morning while the rest of the family including children are in the house. I'd probably have a look around from windows/openings first, then maybe call police if there are any more disturbances.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

what would you strong, capable guardians have him say?

you didn't kill or seriously injure him so that's already a better outcome than what many other Gaffers claim they would do in a similar situation

99% of the time someone breaks into your home it's to steal something or cause bodily harm to the homeowners.

The OP was lucky. If the takeaway message from this story is that you should let in all raving aggressors on your doorstep for a conversation and a smoke, you're much more likely to get yourself and others you care about hurt.

The OP had no idea if "Juan" was armed, high, a thief, a scam artist, a kidnapper, mentally ill, a murderer, or a practical joker. Even after he forcibly entered the house, he had no idea if this man was armed, high, a thief, a scam artist, a kidnapper, mentally ill, a murderer, or a practical joker. He allowed this person free passage to the area of his house where his children were sleeping, with only his gf's motherly instinct stopping this mental breakdown from taking place. He allows this verbally abusive person physical access to his gf, not knowing how he would react to being accosted or if she could overpower him. What if he had a knife? What if he took a swing? What if he made a beeline for the kids' rooms?

He left everything to chance and it worked out, that's not something you can or should emulate. Pacifism is an ideal, it's not an excuse to put yourself at the mercy of any and everyone.

 

[nicanica]

You sided with him over the GF.


Go handle that man. There'll be some talkin you need to go through

 

[Extra Sauce]

You have no possible input on that.

You ended up with an ok situation on your hands but you handled it horribly. First, how in the hell do you open before k owing who you're dealing with? Especially that late at night. You ask through the door what's up and then decide.
After he pushed his way in and after calling 911 immediately you can't be on a different page with your wife, imagine how frustrated and stressed she must've been protecting your home. I get your position of not raising any tensions but you can't have your wife push him fucking twice man what's the matter with you. After the first shove you should've taken a hint, drag him outside and depending on his attitude offer him some water or something. Imagine if he's were an aggressive drunk with a weapon, you can't let someone like that into your home.

It's cool he realized he wasn't home and after that you did great by helping him out, especially by delivering the keys. But seems you acted more concerned about the guy than your wife and that sucks dude.

Opening the door was a terrible move but...

I like that you are asking "what if the man had a weapon" right after suggesting OP should have gotten physical instead of deescalating like he did.

 

[GKSilKamina]

Good on you for handling the situation as calmly as possible. It's great that no one got hurt, or even worse, killed.

But man if I was your girlfriend I would be livid with you right now.

 

[SapphiCine]

That's terrifying, glad things worked out. Your girlfriend has my admiration and did well in the situation too. You made a mistake opening the door but it's not your fault.

Once the door to my old apartment was unlocked except for the deadbolt. This drunk man came up to it and started turning the doorknob. It could turn so he thought he could get in, which led to him repeatedly doing so and throwing his body against the door. Must have thought it was jammed. Eventually he left and found the correct apartment. Scary shit.

 

[E92 M3]

I am shocked how many people thought the OP handled everything well. OP, please recognize that you made a terrible mistake and never repeat it in the future.

 

[flaxknuckles]

You're 6'1, 265, and he's 5'7...but you let him in the house, were going to allow him to use your bathroom near your daughters and let your girlfriend do the manhandling?

And you let him talk to your girlfriend like that? In your own home?

And then went and smoked a ciggy with the dude. BROES OVER HOES

 

[Exploratory]

OP I disagree with people shitting on you for not getting violent. Personally I would've probably reacted violently if my kids were there but in reality peacefully resolving the situation is the best course of action. It's not like he ever got violent or brandished a weapon or threatened anyone.

Edit: That being said you shouldn't have let him in in the first place.

 

[Jal]

But did you get him fresh towels?

 

[watershed]

Read the OP, I still don't fully understand why you opened the door for him and let him in and let him stay in for as long as you did. I'm not a stranger danger kind of person, but at 5am, no drunk stranger is entering my house. Your actions kind of blow my mind.

 

[Reverend Funk]

Once, when I was in college in Scotland, there was a hammering on our ground floor apartment door at about 3am. Which apparently is prime idiot time. It was three dudes, looking for a chick who we later discovered used to live in this apartment. The "lead" dude had a knife and simply backed me right back into the apartment by swinging it at gut level when I opened the door.

I was weirdly calm and explained they had the wrong place. She wasn't here. I'd never heard of her. I think he believed me. He said something about "did I think I was a tough guy" and I said, something about not being tough because of him having a knife and two buddies.

This was Scotland in the early 90s. Not even a bad area, but a sort of transition point between the nightlife in the city and residential neighborhoods.

So he threw it on the ground and said, "I don't have a knife now, are you still a tough guy." Or very Scottish words to that effect.

So I stepped forward and picked the knife up, and my room mate Danny came out of his room with a bar from his weights. This all took like one second. The three of them backed out, left and we never saw them again.

Anyway I was terrified they'd come back the rest of the time I lived there.

I had actually been stabbed months, maybe a year before this event, and was scared shitless of being stabbed, unsurprisingly.

Sick dude you got a free knife

 

[Iorv3th]

I'm surprised your wife isn't super pissed off at you for not only letting the guy in but also not standing up to him and making her be the one to be the 'defense' against him.

 

[plainr_]

I am shocked how many people thought the OP handled everything well. OP, please recognize that you made a terrible mistake and never repeat it in the future.

Yep. Good on you OP for not escalating the situation further I guess but no way did you handle this well. Not only did you let him in, endangering the whole family, but you let your physically smaller, less threatening girlfriend do the manhandling while you elected yourself to be the last line of defense for your daughters. She's probably thinking why you weren't trying to protect her as well.

 

[VendettaRed07]

There is a difference between being humane/ nice and being straight up stupid.

You are lucky you and your wife weren't harmed. Hopefully there won't be another occasion like that but if there is don't handle it like that again. Don't let someone like that into your house; and if they force their way in knock them out and throw them out.

 

[Gravidee]

I am shocked how many people thought the OP handled everything well. OP, please recognize that you made a terrible mistake and never repeat it in the future.

This is the same forum where some people apparently think it's strange to lock their house or apartment doors.

 

[Nathan_Drake]

How mad is your girlfriend at you! I feel like you have to take her side and back her up. If she drew the line that is your line now. No shaking hands if a man that is endangering your loved ones. That board would have became a bat. I dont know but i feel she may lose respect for you. If you were single and chose that path thats up to you but kids in the house and your girl putting up the fight? I dont think that is good. I am nonviolent but there is a line and Juan is a habitual line stepper.

 

[Askani]

Not that I'm trying to change opinions. I just though I would mention a couple details.

1) We replayed everything that happened. The entire exchange took maybe 2 minutes from the time he came in to the time he left. I don't want to give the impression that I negotiated for like 30 minutes here. Also, the distance from the door to the hallway entrance is less than 10 feet. We live in a small house. It's not like he wandered 50 feet all over the house.

2) Alot of this happened simultaneously. I'm telling her to back up as he's talking to me and she's not moving. My expectation is that he's not aggressive with me and if I get her to listen and get out of the way then I can more freely deal with him without worrying about her. When I realize she's absolutely not going to listen is when I step in and make her go to the bedroom and she calls 911 the second time. The entire scene of the hallway plays out in a 3' x 3' space. We're not at extreme distance or anything. This was all very close. Where she's taken her position, I'm barely 1' away. Again, our house is very small.

3) We've had the conversation. She's not mad. She thinks I did a good job of deescalation and that we just weren't on the same page towards the end. I asked her directly and she feels that way he was acting and what we did was appropriate. She's in social work and is an intake clinician for mentally unstable people. She said she was amazed at how all her training went out the window when she's in "mom mode". Direct quotes.

4) I forgot to mention we locked the girls bedroom door so he wasn't getting in directly.

5) I didn't choose him over her. I'm trying to act calm and go out for smokes because he's now out of my house and the longer I can keep him there until the cops arrive the better. I was between him and the door the whole time. I was prepared to shove him off the porch and lock the door every second after he went outside.

6) Still no excuse for me opening the door in the first place. It just happened that it worked out for us. I deserve that roasting. Learn from my mistake.

 

[BriareosGAF]

Really? Because what I'm seeing is the OP making a series of extremely poor decisions that repeatedly put himself and his family in more and more danger and increasing made the situation worse and it's only because of blind fucking luck that everything worked out OK.

He thought someone was hurt, opened the door, they turned out to be drunk, and were non-violent. He eventually got the guy out the door without any harm to himself, his family, or the trespasser. I mean, we could start on whether he was in a castle doctrine state, blah blah, too.

The assumption that everyone you meet could be a violent psychopath is not a good one, nor backed up by any evidence. Protect yourself, sure, but don't become paranoid or hysterical in the process.

 

[Rest]

Came in for Color Guys memes, leaving disappointed.

But honestly, you lost me at the point where you mentioned that someone was leaning against your door and you unlatched it. If someone was leaning against my door the only interaction I'd have with it would be to make sure it was locked.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

He thought someone was hurt, opened the door, they turned out to be drunk, and were non-violent. He eventually got the guy out the door without any harm to himself, his family, or the trespasser. I mean, we could start on whether he was in a castle doctrine state, blah blah, too.

The assumption that everyone you meet could be a violent psychopath is not a good one, nor backed up by any evidence. Protect yourself, sure, but don't become paranoid or hysterical in the process.

Someone pushing their way into a home is by definition violent.

But I mean, it all worked out as well as it possibly could have. Dude breaking in wasn't a mustache twirling villain, homeowner wasn't shooting through the door.

I agree with the rest of your post.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

99% of the time someone breaks into your home it's to steal something or cause bodily harm to the homeowners.

The OP was lucky. If the takeaway message from this story is that you should let in all raving aggressors on your doorstep for a conversation and a smoke, you're much more likely to get yourself and others you care about hurt.

The OP had no idea if "Juan" was armed, high, a thief, a scam artist, a kidnapper, mentally ill, a murderer, or a practical joker. Even after he forcibly entered the house, he had no idea if this man was armed, high, a thief, a scam artist, a kidnapper, mentally ill, a murderer, or a practical joker. He allowed this person free passage to the area of his house where his children were sleeping, with only his gf's motherly instinct stopping this mental breakdown from taking place. He allows this verbally abusive person physical access to his gf, not knowing how he would react to being accosted or if she could overpower him. What if he had a knife? What if he took a swing? What if he made a beeline for the kids' rooms?

He left everything to chance and it worked out, that's not something you can or should emulate. Pacifism is an ideal, it's not an excuse to put yourself at the mercy of any and everyone.

I can definitely co-sign this as well. Glad it worked out but I'd never in a million years allow someone to push past me if I opened the door. As soon as they shoved I'd punch/kick/throw whatever I needed to in order to close the door and call the police.

 

[Media]

If I was the girlfriend, I was have been upset like hell over this.

She is the mom of those kids correct? Yeah there is NO FUCKING way some drunk stranger at ass o-clock in the morning who busted into my house is getting anywhere near my kids. I don't care if he's threatening to punch the shit out of me for blocking the hallway, I would have refused to move as well.

He put hands on her and she had to shove him a couple of times. She's likely a bit upset you didn't step in at that point.

Edit:

Read post above, glad you guys talked.

Yep, 'mom mode' is a terrifying thing. I've done it a couple of times when the danger was little to none, and man, nothing is touching those kids when we are in mom mode.

 

[Wind's Howling]

You opened the door late in the night, let a drunk guy step inside your home with two of your daughters sleeping in the next room and let your GF go hysterical without you doing absolutely nothing? Calm is at times the absolute most wisest decision but this one, OP, was definitely NOT one of them.

You fucked up. There's nothing else I can say. You should be glad he wasn't an agressive drunk.

 

[NastyBook]

All's well that ends well.

 

[daevv]

You are better then me. I'd of be in jail and he would be in the hospital come 8am. Especially with the kids sleeping in the next room.

 

[mm04]

Thank goodness nobody got hurt. But if this were a driving test, opening the door to begin with is akin to an auto-fail any way you slice it. You just don't do it. Someone's potentially in distress? Call the police. That's the first thing I would've said. I'm calling the police/authorities.

 

[ColdPizza]

Did I read correctly that the OP was going to let this guy shower in his house?

 

[xDUMPWEEDx]

Did I read correctly that the OP was going to let this guy shower in his house?

Yes.

 

[Waddle Dee]

Opening the door for him was bonkers but it's good that the whole ordeal ended about as peacefully as one could hope.

 

[platocplx]

I think largely you handled it very well but yea... Opening the front door was a terrible decision.

pretty much this. lmao. I dont open the door for anyone im not expecting. I probally should get a bat myself. I dont care for a gun. I do have a heavy ass flashlight as well i could use in my drawer to knock someone out if needed.

next time if you are unsure open a window and talk to them that way. a lot harder for them to get in vs the door.

 

[Big-E]

My wife would probably divorce me if I did what you did op. Make sure your partner is ok with what happened or else she might be looking elsewhere.

 

[SecretDan]

99% of the time someone breaks into your home it's to steal something or cause bodily harm to the homeowners.

One of these is a violent act and the other isn't.

Seems weird to just roll them up into one statistic.

My wife would probably divorce me if I did what you did op. Make sure your partner is ok with what happened or else she might be looking elsewhere.

Jesus. This thread.

 

[YaBish]

glad it worked out for you OP. That's a crazy story and a fun read.

 

[Pejo]

How mad is your girlfriend at you! I feel like you have to take her side and back her up. If she drew the line that is your line now. No shaking hands if a man that is endangering your loved ones. That board would have became a bat. I dont know but i feel she may lose respect for you. If you were single and chose that path thats up to you but kids in the house and your girl putting up the fight? I dont think that is good. I am nonviolent but there is a line and Juan is a habitual line stepper.

I mean yea, this was where my head went at first after reading the story too. Like your girlfriend was trying to protect her property and the kids, and you're just shaking the dude's hand?

It's good that nothing happened, but that's a huge gamble to take with a drunk stranger forcing his way through your house and telling you that you better 'control your woman'.

I agree peaceful resolution is the best way but no way would I continue to barter with dude after he's trying to push his way past my girlfriend.

 

[xDUMPWEEDx]

damn

 

[teruterubozu]

You handled that like a pro, OP. You should be a cop, seriously. We need people with cool heads.

 

[Nosgotham]

bro, you lucked out. get a chain lock. my brother was stabbed multiple times by a home invader. i feel sorry for the guy, he must have been super drunk but next time dont open the door!

 

[Palmer_v1]

You did fine, OP.

Your wife will clearly brook no bullshit, so lord help you if you ever hurt her girls.

 

[Rembrandt]

Yes.

Lmao, OP is a trip.