I'm laughing way too hard at this. Sorry.
Rereading it, it did sound like I was taking the piss a little lol. But I wasn’t, here in the UK people exploit benefits (the US equivalent might be welfare but I don’t think they’re the same thing), someone can have mild back pain, claim they’re depressed and refuse to work. Sit on their ass living off tax payers money because they can. As opposed to people who are genuinely incapable of working. The only reason I asked so bluntly.
I had a major stroke probably due to the stress of my father dying in November 2022. It affected me greatly when he passed as I was close to him and cared for him up until his final days. The last few days were absolutely a nightmare as I had to see him suffer. I still remember waking up at 5:45 a.m. in the morning after hearing my dog barking then walking into his room and seeing him lying emotionless and dead in his bed.
While I was taking care of him, he was still in in-home hospice care but they only came around for 1 hour a day. The rest of the day I took care of him whether it was cooking or cleaning for him.
I'm kind of stuck here too because I have a lot of memories. The place is a little bit fixed up though which helps but the severe depression and loneliness still lingers. One good thing about my roommate is that at least I have a sense of safety and security.
Edit: for what it's worth, my father also had a stroke as a result of my mother's death in 1994.
Unless you're older or you have brothers and sisters, I would not wish this kind of horror to happen to anyone. It's devastating to lose a parent when you have no other family around. I went through literal hell.
I’m sorry to hear that. I’m also sorry if my post came off a little too harsh, but that is because I don’t think you need a hug right now, you need drive and motivation. You need to find the confidence within yourself that you can and will be happy in the future if you course correct now.
How has the stroke affected you physically? What are the long term effects? Are you still able bodied? Have you looked for alternative work better suited to your physical capacity? Like office/admin work? Call centre work? Any roles that you can fulfil from home? What skills/qualifications do you have? How much is your rent? These are the sort of questions we need answering to be able to throw some ideas your way.
You need to get rid of your room mate. How can you feel safe and secure with her when she is party responsible for your financial difficulties? She isn’t your friend, at least it doesn’t seem that way from your posts, nor is she your lover. You might be holding on to them to fill a void in your life right now, but everything you’ve said in this thread indicates that it is clearly a one-sided relationship, and it is causing you more harm than good. In the most respectful way, get rid of them ASAP. I know I sound insincere but just look at what you’ve said about her yourself:
“When she moved in on February, she was supposed to look for a bartending job but she kept making excuses.”
“Her main excuse is that the buses don't run reliably and it's too hot outside to take them. Yeah.”
“Meanwhile, she's a pretty girl who has friends and some of them in high places so she won't have any issues finding somewhere to stay at least temporarily.”
“What currently pisses me off is that I spent so much money on her. I spent a lot of money on gifts, giving her lots of money for the rent, buying her tools and supplies so she could supposedly fix up my house, what she did to some degree but left a pile of junk in my driveway that she has yet to clean up plus she needs Adderall just to do anything when she gets off of her friend.”
Not only have you been accounting for her rent, but you’ve been spending money excessively on her. Move her on, she won’t struggle as much as you will be if everything you say is true. If your name is on the lease, replace her with someone who can afford to keep up with there side of the rent. This will be half of your immediate problem solved.
