2nd.Malakhov said:Let's start with yours.
bishoptl said:Erm.
At a nightclub with the boys - meeting up with girls that we were friendly with. One of them in particular had been eyeing me up for a few weeks, flirting outrageously and the whole nine. But her bitch roommate wasn't having ANY of it, totally cockblocking every time I tried to make time with the girl privately. So we're all at the club, drinking and dancing, and the bitch roommate is getting more and more plastered and telling me exactly what she thinks of me and my doggish ways and there's no way in hell that she's gonna let her 'BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD' get dealt with by the likes of me.
Now, the club is split into two parts - one large room with a massive dance floor and 3 bars at the back, connected by a large open door to the other smaller room with just one bar. We were all in the smaller venue and I got tired of dealing with the roommate, so I left everybody there, grabbed my drink and took a walk to the other side. She follows me to one of the back bars in the large room, yapping all the way and I'm getting more and more pissed...there's a waitress standing there with her tray piled up with drinks getting ready to go out on the floor. She puts her tray down and turns aside to check her cash just as Bitch Roommate grabs my arm to spin me around so she can bitch to my face instead of the back of my head. My drink goes careening right into the stack of full glasses on the waitress' tray, sending booze and shards of glass everywhere. In the confusion, as the bar staff whipped their heads in our direction in horror, the answer to my needs hit me like a bolt of lightning. I pointed a finger at Bitch Roommate and said, simply:
"She did it."
The waitress grabbed her to pay for all of the spilled drinks, while BR argued to no avail that it wasn't really her at all. Then she started fighting with the waitress, which brought the bouncers over and that's when the situation really started getting ugly, she's screaming about how she didn't do shit and how she can't pay for all those drinks, then swinging at the bar staff. I just melted back into the crowd and headed back to the other side to talk to her friend.
ME: "****** just left with her ex-boyfriend. She said she'll call you later"
HOT BABE I WANNA RIDE LIKE A PONY: "What? She wouldn't just leave!"
ME: "Yeah, she was giving me shit and then bumped into this guy, next thing you know they're leaving the club. You need a ride home?"
HBIWRLAP: "...yeah. That'd be nice. Are you sure you don't mind?"
ME: (gallantly) "Not a problem. We can leave in an hour or so."
HBIWRLAP: "No...let's go NOW."
ME: ""
So we're heading out the door by the coat check, and the commotion is still going on at the back of the main bar but she can't really see anything over all of the people.
HBIWRLAP: "What's going on back there?"
ME: "Dunno. Think there was a fight or something. Let's get you out of here."
Bottom line: Took her back to her place and had wild monkey sex all over the apartment until the wee hours. PLUS her roomie got arrested for causing a disturbance and was held overnight in the drunk tank. The next time I saw her at a party and she started freaking out on me for what happened, I just shook my head sadly and denied everything. To this day (nearly 7 years later) she wants to kill me. Good times.
The lesson learned here, folks? Hormones > ALL.
I'm beginning to find that girls nowadays are more timid concerning sex and whatnot. It's quite troublesome.
Doth Togo said:Good story but for a minute I thought you'd hit it up with the roommate instead. LOL.
evil ways said:Yeah man, I was totally expecting a face turn, with the bitch suddenly grabbing you and grinding your crotch to dust in a drunken, unexplainable, sexual binge at the back of the bar or the bathroom.
Man that's some serious dirt bag stuff. I hope your kidding.Mike Works said:Said I'd pay child support.
...ourumov said:If that's true Bishop...you are my new fucking hero.
Wellington said:Ahahaha, "Great Moments In Hookup History!"
That's low. Really fucking low. If you think you're so hard, just give the kid an ass-whoopin'...darscot said:I've never done anything super low for sex. I have however been a real prick when it comes to revenge. I once banged my step-brothers girl-friend senseless. He was a real dick growing up. Used to rat me out and all the usual Momma's boy suck hole shit. I swear I spent half my teenage years grounded because of him. So one day I run into the love of his life. I didn't even find her attractive but just to be a heartless ass I fucked the shit out of her. I put all that pent up rage into this poor girl. She was seriously worked. At the begining she was so worried about getting caught but by the end she just did't give a fuck. Got super vocal I know about 5 of my buddies heard her. Needless to say she dumps him within a week. I go buy me step-brothers pad and he has just totaled the place punched holes in the walls. I'm like whats wrong? He starts crying about how this girl just dosen't think there compatable sexually and shit. It was a classic. In the end I probable did him a favor. The chick was a freak stalked me for weeks after that.
Of course I was kidding, I'd never actually pay child support!darscot said:Man that's some serious dirt bag stuff. I hope your kidding.
bishoptl said:Erm.
At a nightclub with the boys - meeting up with girls that we were friendly with. One of them in particular had been eyeing me up for a few weeks, flirting outrageously and the whole nine. But her bitch roommate wasn't having ANY of it, totally cockblocking every time I tried to make time with the girl privately. So we're all at the club, drinking and dancing, and the bitch roommate is getting more and more plastered and telling me exactly what she thinks of me and my doggish ways and there's no way in hell that she's gonna let her 'BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD' get dealt with by the likes of me.
Now, the club is split into two parts - one large room with a massive dance floor and 3 bars at the back, connected by a large open door to the other smaller room with just one bar. We were all in the smaller venue and I got tired of dealing with the roommate, so I left everybody there, grabbed my drink and took a walk to the other side. She follows me to one of the back bars in the large room, yapping all the way and I'm getting more and more pissed...there's a waitress standing there with her tray piled up with drinks getting ready to go out on the floor. She puts her tray down and turns aside to check her cash just as Bitch Roommate grabs my arm to spin me around so she can bitch to my face instead of the back of my head. My drink goes careening right into the stack of full glasses on the waitress' tray, sending booze and shards of glass everywhere. In the confusion, as the bar staff whipped their heads in our direction in horror, the answer to my needs hit me like a bolt of lightning. I pointed a finger at Bitch Roommate and said, simply:
"She did it."
The waitress grabbed her to pay for all of the spilled drinks, while BR argued to no avail that it wasn't really her at all. Then she started fighting with the waitress, which brought the bouncers over and that's when the situation really started getting ugly, she's screaming about how she didn't do shit and how she can't pay for all those drinks, then swinging at the bar staff. I just melted back into the crowd and headed back to the other side to talk to her friend.
ME: "****** just left with her ex-boyfriend. She said she'll call you later"
HOT BABE I WANNA RIDE LIKE A PONY: "What? She wouldn't just leave!"
ME: "Yeah, she was giving me shit and then bumped into this guy, next thing you know they're leaving the club. You need a ride home?"
HBIWRLAP: "...yeah. That'd be nice. Are you sure you don't mind?"
ME: (gallantly) "Not a problem. We can leave in an hour or so."
HBIWRLAP: "No...let's go NOW."
ME: ""
So we're heading out the door by the coat check, and the commotion is still going on at the back of the main bar but she can't really see anything over all of the people.
HBIWRLAP: "What's going on back there?"
ME: "Dunno. Think there was a fight or something. Let's get you out of here."
Bottom line: Took her back to her place and had wild monkey sex all over the apartment until the wee hours. PLUS her roomie got arrested for causing a disturbance and was held overnight in the drunk tank. The next time I saw her at a party and she started freaking out on me for what happened, I just shook my head sadly and denied everything. To this day (nearly 7 years later) she wants to kill me. Good times.
The lesson learned here, folks? Hormones > ALL.
Chipopo said:Nothing can compete with Bishops story.
One time I was taking my girlfreind back to my apartment when I realized to my horror that I was locked out. We had nowhere else to go.
Long story short, I strongly recommend public staircases for that satisfying, "on the edge" fuck.
And there goes my water on the keyboard.Mike Works said:Of course I was kidding, I'd never actually pay child support!
bishoptl said:And there goes my water on the keyboard.
bishoptl said:Nope - Cheers, out in Delta.
bishoptl said:Nope - Cheers, out in Delta.
Smooooth, dude.HBIWRLAP: "What's going on back there?"
ME: "Dunno. Think there was a fight or something. Let's get you out of here."