Why are you so boring? (to Tabris)

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DD-11 said:
I'm pretty close to OP's age, I'm not a millennial by any stretch. I couldn't fathom it either. I had kids when I was ready, not two years after I graduated from high school. I partied, traveled, and spent extravagantly, and it's all seems so meaningless to me now. What did any of that ever get me?

No one is saying have a kid with your next erection, but how long do you want to be the old guy pretending he's not?
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So you have to have a kid to be a grown up?

Not every childless person is doing coke off stripper titties in their 40s.

I am undecided on kids. My gf and I are both up for it physically, financially and emotionally, but I can easily picture the next 6 decades being very relaxing and enjoyable without creating a life that the world probably doesn't need. Might just get a second dog and call it a day.


levious said:
I think it's very easy to become absorbed when you have young children. My youngest is now 14 and I certainly don't feel that way now. Not sure if I ever did really to the extent that you quoted.

Kids are great. They're your family and they're easy to love because they are essentially obsessed with you as a parent. At least in their younger years. It is easy to think or care about little else. But it is also easy to enjoy and conintue to learn about new things and experiences because you are introducing the world to your children as they grow.
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Finally someone sensible.
 
Klyka said:
remind me to only ever get nightcare if I should end up having kids
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That's why it's essential to have a stay-at-home parent unless you're both making over, say, $60,000 a year or so.
 
Always-honest said:
Sure, but there are other things you like and still like aside from looking at your kid, right?
It's not hard to be a responsible loving parent AND still do things you like or liked.

Ofcourse i agree that my kid is the best thing that ever happened to me and it's really exciting to be with him and observe him for the reasons you said.
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Of course, but I'm sure the OP would think them boring. Baby wakes at 7 and sleeps at 7. I also love my wife, so I like some non-baby time with her. I have a night or two of playing sports, and dinner parties.

But no, going out for drinks, a weekend in Vegas or stuff like that that I've done countless times, just doesn't hold much value to me. After work, I'd much rather spend the 3 hours with my daughter than have drinks with a friend who is still chasing ass.

pj said:
So you have to have a kid to be a grown up?

Not every childless person is doing coke off stripper titties in their 40s.

I am undecided on kids. My gf and I are both up for it physically, financially and emotionally, but I can easily picture the next 6 decades being very relaxing and enjoyable without creating a life that the world probably doesn't need. Might just get a second dog and call it a day.

Finally someone sensible.
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No, but grown ups are probably not judging people.

I'm sure my hobbies will expand again as my daughter grows up and is less interested in spending time with me, but right now, so long as I'm her favorite person, I'm good.
 
I'm like the OP except all my friends are either moved away or are engaged to each other, and all by my lonesome trying to find stuff to do and solo-ing out.

I have fun doing my own thing but I find it kinda sucky that I'm doing this because I can't find anyone else to do stuff with.

I'm considering leaving the country on my own for a vacation. A part of me thinks that's messed up, but that could be societal peer pressure or some shit. idk.
 
Klyka said:
woah woah woah, what? You pay almost as much as my monthly wage for a day care???
is this like, the Hilton of daycares?
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One year olds are the most expensive kids to put in day care because infant care is more aggressively regulated than toddler care. Generally the price keeps dropping until middle school.

But yeah day care is crazy expensive.
 
Tabris said:
So first, caveat, I am not the best person as it'll probably won't be until I'm 40 before I have my first kid
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Ha, by which time all your friends with babies now will have older children and you'll still be the odd one out. And they're going to be soooo smug when you're wide eyed through lack of sleep and changing nappies and all that stuff to complain about and they're well past that stage, able to view it with fond nostalgia.

Having kids is awesome though. To echo others I get so much joy out of my two (5 and 3) that I generally don't miss the freedom I had before they were born. Certainly they drive me crackers on occasion and parenting can be tiring, frustrating, worrying, but you're more than compensated by the billion wonderful moments you get every day with your own children.

It's just a change of perspective, they refocus your life on what is important and you will make the sacrifices to your time, hobbies, friendships, especially in the early years as (cliche as it sounds) they grow so so fast, blink and you'll miss it. Stuff like going out and getting hammered loses its appeal severely when you don't have the money as its going on kid stuff, clothes, food, childcare etc and rolling in at 4am is no good if you're likely to be awake imminently with children who are ready to start their day at 5.30 and know no better.

Essentially they're only boring to you OP as you have zero frame of reference for what they're doing, and you can't possibly until you have your own kids. The thing is, you think that what you're doing is in some way more interesting or more valuable than what they're doing and that's just a lack of perspective talking
 
This is the same guy who was anti-suburb too! Sounds like you might be insecure with being left behind, while people leave their tiny little sky rise apartment, have kids, and move to the burbs with their lush lawns, HOAs, and 3000 square foot housing.
 
There is a time there for a while that if you and/or your spouse are working full time and caring for an infant that free time is limited to food/hygiene/sleep only.

Depending on the child's sleep habits/availability of child care things could be better or worse but for a while there you exist only for the care of that child and the family.
 
DD-11 said:
Of course, but I'm sure the OP would think them boring. Baby wakes at 7 and sleeps at 7. I also love my wife, so I like some non-baby time with her. I have a night or two of playing sports, and dinner parties.

But no, going out for drinks, a weekend in Vegas or stuff like that that I've done countless times, just doesn't hold much value to me. After work, I'd much rather spend the 3 hours with my daughter than have drinks with a friend who is still chasing ass.



No, but grown ups are probably not judging people.

I'm sure my hobbies will expand again as my daughter grows up and is less interested in spending time with me, but right now, so long as I'm her favorite person, I'm good.
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Ah right. No i agree.
 
SoundLad said:
I don't understand why I couldn't possibly understand. Could someone try to explain?

It also seems quite frightening that those generally rewarding and fun past times you had before your child now seem empty and fruitless. That almost seems damaging to a person's personal growth.
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That's part of personal growth. Not doing the same shit forever.
 
Mammoth Jones said:
This is really it. We live in the social media age so people with overinflated egos pretend they're living the dream...

Thank you. My friend wanted to chill after work in the city and do happy hour and I had to decline. Can't drink, gotta commute home and then drive and pick up my kid and have her in bed by bedtime.

Being a fun party animal is nice but many people outgrow that shit. I don't wanna be the old man in the club...
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So going out for happy hour or attending a bar makes you a party animal now? There is no set age where these events are exclusively limited to young adults. Being in your 30s, which is still young (IMO) does not make you the old guy pretending he is something he is not.

With that said, personally I think the OP is being unreasonable if he honestly expects a new parent to not focus 100% on their children. People's priorities change once they have a child and it is selfish of him to expect a parent to be able to drop everything on a whim for a Vegas trip with their new responsibilities.

This whole topic seems defensive on both sides of the argument when it doesn't have to be. Priorities change as people get older, that doesn't make one side better than the other. Friendships unfortunately fade due to this but conversely new friendships form and life goes on.
 
WoodWERD said:
Now THAT is boring.

And lol @ people talking shit about going to bars in your 30s. Wtf...
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They're the angry parents who read TC's first post. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I only know of a few people like that since I'm in my mid 20s, but yeah that is unfortunate. I hope none of my best friends become that boring, or me for that matter in the future. I think you can still make time if you put in the effort. Me and my friends don't hang out as much as we used to due to work, grown up life etc, but we still make time. We also have a hangouts group where we still have a lot of fun. Same personality as 5-6 years ago but with a lot more responsibility.

Some people are willing to make the sacrifice or time what they do better, some don't bother or don't prefer to do so. That's fine, but this is a two way street. Both should offer something in the relationship and if the boring parent can't offer it anymore according to TC, then that's just the way it is. I would suggest talking to them to see if they can make a little bit more effort or keep it to yourself and only see them when they invite you. Most important thing is to enjoy your time with your friends, kids or no kids. I honestly can't imagine not having a great time with any of my best friends, so we will see in 5 years how I will be as well as my friends.. and how much we change.

Zefah said:
$1300 a month for full-time daycare (assumption) is actually on the cheap end of things.
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That's incredibly expensive... I imagine I will live in the same city my parents do and will pretty much use them as my day care when needed.. then later on have them come live with us.
 
DD-11 said:
Of course, but I'm sure the OP would think them boring. Baby wakes at 7 and sleeps at 7. I also love my wife, so I like some non-baby time with her. I have a night or two of playing sports, and dinner parties.

But no, going out for drinks, a weekend in Vegas or stuff like that that I've done countless times, just doesn't hold much value to me. After work, I'd much rather spend the 3 hours with my daughter than have drinks with a friend who is still chasing ass.



No, but grown ups are probably not judging people.

I'm sure my hobbies will expand again as my daughter grows up and is less interested in spending time with me, but right now, so long as I'm her favorite person, I'm good.
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yeah no.

trifelife said:
So you're all about experiencing life and shit but you didn't come to the meetup. OK bud.
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so people that don't want children or can't have them aren't "experiencing life and shit" ? OK.
 
Herbs said:
my guess is they probably find you boring as well. perspectives change
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Nah, more likely they find him as an egotistical being because OP still hasn't or doesn't want kids yet, I've had seen that a lot with new parents towards people who doesn't have or doesn't want children.
 
Tabris said:
No I mean my answer is always yes to something like that. That's why I don't like planning things weeks out. You never know what better thing may become available. Need to be available for the opportunity.

Actually, you know what the difference is - it's like those beer commercials that show the person who said yes to something and the person who said no. I'm trying to find them on youtube. That encapsulates it well.
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I think when you're using beer commercials to convey social interactions that you're already looking at it the wrong way.
 
anaron said:
lol at the defensive parents ITT
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both sides are very defensive.

i can understand why. people feel the need to justify their lifestyle choices, because... well, it's the life they've chosen. no one wants to admit to themselves, let alone strangers on the internet, that they made some bad decisions and don't like their life.
 
One thing I noticed w/ most of the childless folk is the reluctance / inability to plan ahead. I can't drop everything and go out and do whatever, if I have some fair warning I can work things out. I've experssed this to friends but still it's usually invitations day of and such that just makes it damn near impossible to get to. And when I do try to plan something out ahead of time it takes an agonizing fuckton of effort, or people don't respond, or they're wishy washy etc etc.
 
oneils said:
How close were the two of you to begin with? If one of my close friends did that I would probably cut them some slack and see if they needed my help in anyway or drop by with coffee and snacks.
Maybe they are just overwhelmed.
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Yeah yeah, one of my friends who knows them too said something to the same effect. They moved back home when their child was born so I imagine there was a lot going on in their life. If they ever decide to contact me I'm going to respond back as if I didn't perceive their lack of contact as a slight, you know? I just can't hold grudges or anything like that.
 
I have no childern but having friends that do; yes their social life take a backstep but it's completely understandable

the only time they come out are:

1) live close by to their parents and or in-laws
2) children are old enough to stay home by themselves
3) hire a babysitter
 
I think most people go through these changes at some point in their lives it's just that kids force the change instead of letting it happen naturally. I have no plans on having kids with my wife but as I've reached 30 I have lost a lot of interest in things I used to enjoy while finding new things to interest me. It is a normal part of getting older for lots of people.
 
Zefah said:
$1300 a month for full-time daycare (assumption) is actually on the cheap end of things.
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Yep...we're getting nailed for nearly $1600/mo., and that's considered cheap here. The good news is, they ain't babies forever. People forget that part, too.
 
I guess I was lucky, my close circle of friends all started having kids at roughly the same time, so we were all in the same boat together. Good times actually.
 
Jelly Rajah said:
ITT: parents who regret having children with no other outlet to release their frustration other than 'GAF.
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It's weird that single people think they all parents must secretly resent having children and are jealous of single people.

Mossybrew said:
I guess I was lucky, my close circle of friends all started having kids at roughly the same time, so we were all in the same boat together. Good times actually.
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Yeah this is very good because the kids are the same age, you can compare notes, arrange get - together a, and easy "kid-sharing" time to allow the couples to get some time to run errands, etc.
 
Jelly Rajah said:
ITT: parents who regret having children with no other outlet to release their frustration other than 'GAF.
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ITT: people being judgemental of other people's life choices and defensive of their own.

c78.gif
 
Dalek said:
It's weird that single people think they all parents must secretly resent having children and are jealous of single people.
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I'm 25. I'm jealous of my few friends who are already Dads, they seem happier than ever. Kids are awesome.
 
People who stick to one topic every time you see them are always going to get boring. That topic could be anything, so don't lump us all together and make it seem like TV trope.

I have a 2 and a 4 year old. My wife and I often switch who gets to break free a couple times a month. Most of my friends have kids. The ones who don't aren't sighing heavily and leaving the table when the topic is broached. We all talk about the same shit we always did - AND we talk about what's new in our lives. Including kids. It's not rocket science.
 
I could see how it'd be boring for a non parent but you gotta see it from our side, everything is brand new. We are watching a little human grow up and discover the world. Their 1st our also our 1st, no matter how many kids we have. They all experience it differently and it is fun to watch. It does all seem the same when you haven't experienced it but it just isn't.
 
I'm going to cry because I can tell my life is going the same way. Some of my facebook friends are already getting engaged and they haven't even been outside college for a year.

This is why I never turn down my friends when they want to hang out. Gotta enjoy and have fun in my youth with them before they forget about me.
 
Who needs new topics? Friends that grew up together get a night out and we drink and tell bullshit stories from years gone by. Single, married, with/out kids or guy/gal we all have the same stories that get more exaggerated every year. Now that's interesting :)

Next outing we just throw in the one drunkard fuck up story from previous outing to keep things fresh and make our own self perpetuating interest points...

One thing you won't find boring is when you're having your bucks party or last party before having kids all those dad friends will open up like a 10,000 year old volcano. Fun times for you on those days.

Word of warning, get ready for kids chatter to turn into repeated house renovations and family vacation stories. You'll long for the days of baby chatter again. MUahahahaa.

On a serious note just take the lead and develop interesting conversations that you can start and keep going with those who don't get out as often.
 
anaron said:
so people that don't want children or can't have them aren't "experiencing life and shit" ? OK.
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The experiencing life part is from another thread.
Where the current OP was saying that they're about experiencing life and spending $400 on first dates.
 
Dalek said:
It's weird that single people think they all parents must secretly resent having children and are jealous of single people.



Yeah this is very good because the kids are the same age, you can compare notes, arrange get - together a, and easy "kid-sharing" time to allow the couples to get some time to run errands, etc.
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I don't think that, I think they are almost all boring. That's what the thread is about. Not the mystical allure of not having kids. Also, what does being single have to do with it? I've been in a committed relationship for almost ten years and I don't have any brats. It's called birth control.
 
If you find sitting at home with your friends boring then they aren't your forever friends..
It's not where you are.. It's who you are with.

I do an annual Vegas trip with the boys.. But really.. Vegas never adds a whole lot. Going to a Vegas night club is just depressing in your 30s.
 
dem said:
If you find sitting at home with your friends boring then they aren't your forever friends..
It's not where you are.. It's who you are with.

I do an annual Vegas trip with the boys.. But really.. Vegas never adds a whole lot. Going to a Vegas night club is just depressing in your 30s.
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If you find going to a Vegas night club with your friends depressing, then it's not where you are, it's who you are with.

You see how I turned that around. Well Well, How the turntables.
 
I remember being in my early 20s and seeing older 30+ guys hitting on the college girls at the bar. And no, they didn't seem very interesting or cool, lol.

Most people mature and gain perspective as they age and understand that there are different phases to life. It's something to try and empathize with, and not make obnoxious and insulting generalizations.
 
I feel like it's combative language like: spawn, brats, breeders, and other offensive terms that make parents (especially online) become defensive and somewhat offended.

In the same way that you language makes people defensive.

"You could never understand a true meaningful life until you have kids"
"You must be miserable with your brats"
"You must be miserable and boring without kids"
 
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