The Mystical Laws
Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo boy. I am FINALLY, FINALLY done with Happy Science. And I really mean I am DONE with Happy Science. This movie has really just ended any and all pretense of trying to figure out, understand (not judge) and respect Happy Science in any serious way. There's so much wrong with this film that I really, really don't know where to begin. So, as per usual, we'll kick it in its philosophical balls and then move on with the rest of the plot.
The chiefest of complaints I have with this movie is that the hero is Jesus. Well, I mean, again. Again again. Okay so EVERY. SINGLE. PROTAGONIST. In Happy Science movies has been Jesus. But the thing is that films and films back we had a dude find out that he was the reincarnation of Thoth and therefore Hermes and therefore El Cantare back in The Laws of Eternity. We found out the same thing in Rebirth of Buddha. And we found it out again, here, in the Mystical Laws. These three characters are all
contemporary, and that's what makes it worse than Hermes discovering he's Ophealis or Satoru learning he's Jesus or Buddha finding out he's La Mu. All three of these people live at more or less the EXACT SAME TIME. And they're all God. Specifically two of them are the Reincarnation of Buddha, and the monks in this movie complicate matters by telling the hero that they've waited 2500 years for this day, when you know, Buddha's Reincarnation was broadcast on national Japanese television during the Rebirth of Buddha. While I suppose it is possible that the hero of The Laws of Eternity and the Buddha of the Rebirth of Buddha are the same man (I really have no idea) there can be no denying that the two Buddhas in The Rebirth and Mystical Laws are two separate men with separate lives.
That's my chief complaint right there. You don't say "So Jesus was this guy no wait he's this guy no he's that guy" when they all live at the same time. I don't know how Reincarnation works, but I kind of assumed your spirit didn't inhabit two or three guys at the same exact time.
Further philosophical madness is that I really cannot get my head around who or what a deity is in Happy Science. It shouldn't be this hard. In Greek Myth it isn't. In the Mabinogian it isn't. In Christianity it isn't, even when your sects may disagree on how many there are or what their nature is. Usually "who and what" a God is is one of the things you want to lay out really clearly when you found a religion based around the worship of one.
But I mean, honestly I have
no idea what a God is and how the hierarchy works here. Can I become a God? Is there a concept of deification? Are Gods like spirits where they were or become mortals? The multiple incarnations of Buddha suggest so, and yet at the same time I don't know anymore if El Cantare IS a God, since he's a 9th Dimensional Being subservient to a 13th Dimensional Being called varyingly the Primordial Buddha and the Father God. Then there's the stuff about how El Cantare is the God of Earth, but in the Laws of the Sun he is shown to be at least the God of the solar system and all its spirit colonies. And this is without getting into the fact that the series has given us three Goddesses: Aphrodite, the wife of Hermes (who is never shown to be a Goddess, but is called one in the Golden Laws), the Goddess of Love and Infertile Parents and now Yukiko's Persona Kotonoha Sakuya who is specifically the guardian deity of Yamato (which I suppose is an ancient term for Japan?) But all three of these Goddesses are subservient to El Cantare (which is kinda crazy in a way, because it means that the Goddess of Love is the one bailing out the Goddess Aphrodite who, as the wife of the God of the Earth or the Solar System, should be above her hierarchically.)
Basically I have no fucking idea what's going on in Happy Science but I'm pretty sure there are fundamental contradictions in this religion's core beliefs. And I'm not talking about doctrines. It's not like they used to say "Hey tie your hair in pony tails because they're holy" and now they're saying "Hey do with your hair what you want God doesn't care now." That's nothing. What I'm talking about is:
WHO IS THE CURRENT INCARNATION OF BUDDHA? Is it the dude from Laws of Eternity? Is it the dude from Rebirth of Buddha? Or is it the Action Hero of this movie? I seriously do not know what the fuck I am meant to believe based on these movies, and that's what makes it hard to really respect.
Because I actually tried. I really, really did. I wanted to know what these people believed. I wanted to give them every benefit of the doubt and all opportunities of legitimacy I could. But frankly the belief system of North Korea is easier to get my head around than this. It should not be that hard to figure out the basic tenets of a religion. I mean I could take a stab at this if I had to, but frankly "Everything is true" is the best description of Happy Science I can conceive of.
So let me also get one last complaint out of the way while I'm doing that, shall we? Namely, before Space Reptiles from Hell kicks in (and by the way, Space Reptiles from Hell conquering the Earth is a thing in this movie) let's talk about the hilariously awful portrayal of the world going on here, shall we.
First off: China rising to power. Sure, fine. A lot of people see that happening. It's certainly a possibility. The problem I have with that is that China's rise is much more economic than militaristic, and that's only marginally touched on here at best. The worst of all, though, is that the Chinese are Nazis. I mean, what? China's been on the Communist side of things for so long that making them Nazis makes no sense at all. I mean, none. Even remotely.
Next up: America stands there and takes it while China attacks them. Never. Just, never. Never in the history of America has America taken shit from China. I don't even think the Americans bothered with the whole Kow-Towing thing. This is the country that marched into Japan and said "Hey by the way you will do business with us or we'll basically burn your country to the ground." And that was before they had a nuclear arsenal. Now you have an Obama stand in as blatant as all the Not-George-Bushes before him just quietly twiddling his thumbs as his cabinet ruefully admits "We're not the World Police Anymore." Sure, that might even be true, but that has NO FUCKING BEARING ON WHAT IS HAPPENING. Two navy boats just got blown up. Do you know what America does when that happens? They go burn down a country. Just ask Spain and Cuba how that works. I mean that boat that blew up in the Cuban war wasn't even THEIR FAULT and America still marched into Cuba and made a huge mess.
Frankly I wouldn't complain this much, but America suddenly galvanizes into action WHEN HAPPY SCIENCE RALLIES THEM. And America is sitting on its ass BEFORE the bad guys roll out their super weapon. That whole cabinet meeting is completely off. I mean, all of the people there are super depressed. Dude, if American ships were attacked by Chinese there would be people in Obama's cabinet losing their shit and their lungs at the same exact time. Obama would be white as a goddamn sheet and Biden would probably be blue in the face from all the shouting he'd be doing with other dudes as the possibility of a total nuclear war went spinning around the room for hours and hours and hours.
But it's a moot point anyway because
China attacking America is literally the stupidest thing in the entire history of the world. Why would China go to war with America when America is China's number one customer? Allegedly this is "the future" but that's horseshit since everything looks contemporary. Why would China even try to conquer Japan when America has that entire side of the sea under lock.
"Oh no 500 million nuclear weapons!" Because there aren't that many all along the Pacific and Atlantic? "We can't intercept them all!" Yeah and they can? Surely the Chinese would have to know that threatening America with nuclear weapons AFTER ATTACKING AMERICA would earn the immediate response of "If you fucking don't retreat right now we will level you. If you fire your nukes at us, we will level you. We'll die, but you will too." Welcome to Total War ever since, you know, 19 fucking 60.
And let's not forget Japan, shall we? China comes right in and robs Japan of its rights, forcing them to stop speaking Japanese, calling themselves Japanese, death sentence to entire families for owning religious materials (mind you Japan was conquered days ago so basically everybody is dead because chances are at least one person in your extended family has something vaguely religious) and it's all very Code Geass until you're shown the Japanese children being--horror of horrors!--taught about the atrocities Japan committed in East Asia during the two world wars. OH NO WE CAN'T LET THEM HEAR ABOUT THE RAPE OF NANKING! Do the atrocities of these Demon Lizard Space Historians know no bounds!?
Okay, so that's about as far as my hate goes, so let's cast aside the fact that this is meant to be a religious film which is attempting to paint a scenario about our imminent future for a moment, shall we? Let's look at instead as an Action Film. Like the kind your dad watches on Sunday evenings with some obscure German director and a Scandinavian lead and lots of blood and bombs.
So in that respect, I suppose the movie really isn't that bad. I mean, dude starts out as a ripped doctor who is suddenly made heritor of the title of General (even though you don't inherit that title anymore and why a secret society hiding behind the front of a religion and red cross stand in needs military ranks is beyond me.) and then he slowly becomes Solid Buddha or Jesus Snake depending on your choices. With the help of his alien buddies he woos the masked villain's sexy consort, blows up the doomsday missile and saves the world. So really it's not that-
No. You know, I just remembered something else. There's always been this creepy racist background to Happy Science where Blonde Hermes is the Great White God of Aryan Awesomeness, plus hilarious racist caricatures of literally every single non Japanese person ever, and this movie is no slouch in that department, but boy does it kick up a notch with the Vegans (as in people from Vega, though I suppose they may be opposed to the consumption of meat, too.). These former Venusians are all disguised as East Asians and members of the evil Chinese army. As soon as they reveal themselves, though, they become white guys who have blue eyes and blonde hair. I mean, I'M white and it still offends me. What, there's no racial diversity in Vega? C'moooooon.
So there it is, my trip through Happy Science is complete. I can at last resume The List. According to my copy, "Goku: The Midnight Eye" is next, with the mark of "Tentative." I would like, very much so, to hear what the "tentative" means before jumping into it. I mean, I have to watch it either way, but lemme know what to expect without spoiling it, please.
