I like it, I'd say cut "That was a mistake." part and mayybe the "...and their lives" can be a bit changed.
Like the premise btw.
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Writing-GAF: Writing, Publishing, Selling |OT|
- Thread starter AngmarsKing701
- Start date
I like it, I'd say cut "That was a mistake." part and mayybe the "...and their lives" can be a bit changed.
Like the premise btw.
Conkersbadfurday
Member
I personally like the "mistake" line, though it's in the wrong tense. Everything else is in present but that's in past.
Crash Station
Member
Thanks for the feedback. See this is why I have you guys, to point out my stupid. mistakes over tense.
Anyway, I found another font that I really like. What do you guys think:
I think it's a good fit--more legible despite the more dramatic effect. I think you'd best replace the stretched layers you used "The" and "Facility" with cleaner font-based text (just use something basic like Verdana, or install something like Raleway from Google Fonts.
Also, I'd recommend that you center the text at the bottom of the image, and add a bit of space between the two lines.
FlowersisBritish
fleurs n'est pas britannique
SO me and my drunk friend(who doesn't really read these kindd of books) think this cover is really cool. Probably the best iteration yet.
Crash Station
Member
Better?
Yay!
But damn, I feel like I've been dominating this thread for the last page with this stupid cover. Sorry about that.
FlowersisBritish
fleurs n'est pas britannique
Dude, this is my second favorite thread(besides the writing Challenges) and it's usually dead. You gave it the most activity it's had in months. Thanks dood!
Freeza Under The Shower
Member
.
Conkersbadfurday
Member
Best iteration yet! Looks badass.
And don't worry about dominating the place. It's either that or I go back into emo mode, and none of us need that
Though speaking of which, time to check out Tor's submission guidelines. I bet my book would do well wading around in their slush pile.
Edit: It's strange, or maybe it isn't. I haven't read over The Ninth Life in quite awhile now, figuring it was done after five drafts because fuck I was sick of working on it. The few agents that did request the manuscript all had at least one nice thing to say about it alongside their "Sorry, not quite for me" and one guy even said I was a good writer. His fucking words!
So I'm looking at this and going, "ugh it kinda sucks no wonder no one wants it" because I AM JUST ... too tired for this shit. It can wait until tomorrow.
I used to feel that way, you just gotta build callouses for it.
Instead of thinking that you're not good enough for them, it may help to think that your story didn't fit their needs.
The most positive thing about rejection is that it can be a humbling lesson. And alert you to the need to improve on your craft. Either you choose to improve on your craft or leave to do something else.
Crash Station
Member
Trying to build on the last blurb I posted. How does this sound:
Should I try to build on this one more or go back to the last one I posted?
Should I try to build on this one more or go back to the last one I posted?
Crash Station
Member
Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.
I wish I could just pay someone to do this in a timely fashion. Every blurb I've written so far just looks super amateurish to me and it's making me really worried for when I start my fourth novel.
Fuck depression and it's ability to keep me from writing for almost a year
I wish I could just pay someone to do this in a timely fashion. Every blurb I've written so far just looks super amateurish to me and it's making me really worried for when I start my fourth novel.
Fuck depression and it's ability to keep me from writing for almost a year
Crash Station
Member
So right now, I think I'm going to settle on either this one:
Or this one that adds a tiny bit:
Any pointers on how to make either one better? Releasing this in two days, so I want it to be perfect.
Or this one that adds a tiny bit:
Any pointers on how to make either one better? Releasing this in two days, so I want it to be perfect.
Freeza Under The Shower
Member
.
Crash Station
Member
Alright, so people are split on the "this was a mistake" thing. I feel like if I remove it, I'd have to add something else in there or it would seem too abrupt, at least to me.
My question is, provided you're a horror/thriller/mystery fan, would either of those blurbs + the cover entice you to give it a look?
My question is, provided you're a horror/thriller/mystery fan, would either of those blurbs + the cover entice you to give it a look?
Crash Station
Member
Let's see. There's a camera on the ceiling, so it's clear they're being watched, but there's no instructions or creepy voice that's usually present in these trapped, Saw-like scenarios. Also, one of the ten is a convicted serial killer, but he's no more important than the rest of the cast early on, so I feel like I'd have to reveal info about the other nine if I pointed that out, which would of course be kind of long.
That's why I was initially only planning on putting the main character in the blurb, but it's kind of tough to get across the point that he has amnesia while the rest of the cast doesn't, yet still can't remember how they got there and have it flow in a way that doesn't sound awkward.
That's why I was initially only planning on putting the main character in the blurb, but it's kind of tough to get across the point that he has amnesia while the rest of the cast doesn't, yet still can't remember how they got there and have it flow in a way that doesn't sound awkward.
Maybe something like:
"He wakes up feeling odd in the middle of a room. All around him, faces he doesn't recognise. Y/one of them looks at him, calls him X.
Who is this person? Who is X? Who is he? "
Don't mind my lack of vocabulary, just wanted to show how the main character and his/her amnesia could be mentioned. Of course my blurb doesn't even mention the facility itself.
AngmarsKing701
Member
To me, incorporating the camera into your dramatic one liner is the way to go. "This is/was a mistake" is just too cliche to me.
Crash Station
Member
Alright then, slightly different approach again:
Only got a few hours to finalize this. Bah!
Only got a few hours to finalize this. Bah!
With no other way of figuring out their situation.
That would be my only change. Blurbs are the bane of my existence, hate them. The only way I'm able to get them out is by thinking of them like a movie voice over and too often I have to keep myself from starting off In a world...
Good luck!
That would be my only change. Blurbs are the bane of my existence, hate them. The only way I'm able to get them out is by thinking of them like a movie voice over and too often I have to keep myself from starting off In a world...
Good luck!
Crash Station
Member
In regards to the most recent one I posted, or the older ones? Thanks for the feedback either way.
But yeah, blurbs are a bitch, but it's never been this tough for me before. I came up with the one for my last book in like 15 minutes:
And I feel like that one's better than all the blurbs I've proposed for the current book.
I don't want to keep using it as an excuse, but I do think the shit that happened this year has done a number on my writing ability
The most recent one and the holidays have definitely hurt my writing ability. So much to do and it's easy to get distracted. I publish my seventh book tomorrow and I'll take the rest of the year off.
Crash Station
Member
Should I stick to the standard $2.99 for indie books? I do feel it's worth more than that and easily my best novel, but it's also my shortest one (218 pages according to Word). Don't want to turn people away though, and I imagine this "race to the bottom" pricing would do that if it's more than the standard.
When you price your book amazon gives you an option to compare the price to other books in your genre and length, see what they say. I wouldn't go under $2.99 and if you feel that it's worth more try it out at a higher price. You can always change it later.
AngmarsKing701
Member
I've kept Ahvarra at $3.99 (425 pages).
Book 2 is a first person POV and likely to run about half that, so I plan on going $2.99 for it. I may also reduce Ahvarra at that point to $2.99 permanently.
Of course, I'm not in this to make it rich
lol who am I kidding we all want to have the next Martian in our hands
Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox. If everything else you're selling is $2.99, I'd probably stick with that.
Crash Station
Member
It's up! Stuck with $2.99 after all.
Hey Cyan, can I post this in the What are you reading thread?
Well, my second book is $3.99, but it's also over 500 pages.
Hey Cyan, can I post this in the What are you reading thread?
Well, my second book is $3.99, but it's also over 500 pages.
AngmarsKing701
Member
NipplesAndToes23
Member
Does anyone here have experience writing curriculum vitaes? I'm not sure how to approach one.
Crash Station
Member
Conkersbadfurday
Member
Seven books in a year? what kind of awesome as fuck robot are you?
Fuckin' congrats ^_^
lol thanks. It helps that my genre doesn't require hundreds of thousands of words for a story.
Freeza Under The Shower
Member
Or a proper story for that matter. :'D
(kidding of course)
On the side I'm enduring watching Twilight now, which is basically okay for the first five minutes and then Edward shows up and it's straight to shit town from there. Also knowing that that one guy is a werewolf and where that winds up going makes this whole things super creepy, but hey that's Mormonism for you. After that it's straight to Fifty Shades of Grey. Wish me luck. (it's a personal challenge of sorts, but I've been putting off actually watching them. Mostly because they're cringe-fests)
(kidding of course)
On the side I'm enduring watching Twilight now, which is basically okay for the first five minutes and then Edward shows up and it's straight to shit town from there. Also knowing that that one guy is a werewolf and where that winds up going makes this whole things super creepy, but hey that's Mormonism for you. After that it's straight to Fifty Shades of Grey. Wish me luck. (it's a personal challenge of sorts, but I've been putting off actually watching them. Mostly because they're cringe-fests)
AngmarsKing701
Member
StrongBelwas
Banned
Hi there,
I just found this topic so I just wanted to say hey to everyone and introduce myself and hopefully get really involved with this writing community.
First of just reading through this it seems like a really useful and encouraging community and seeing guys here that have actually written and its out there and an actual book that's so damn cool to me.
I'm an aspiring writer author of a thousand half baked not even half written stories three times failed nanowrimo entree.
I constantly have all these ideas in my head but never seem to fully develop them and just sort of try to bull rush through hit a block and move onto something else.
Worse still over the last couple of years I barely write at all. I've had some personal issues that have sort of muted my passions and enjoyment of certain things. I think a lot about writing but find it hard to motivate myself to actually write but I really want to get back into it and I really want to write something to completion for once even if it's bad.
Needless to say I've subbed to this topic and I can't wait to get more involved with all you inspirations here.
I just found this topic so I just wanted to say hey to everyone and introduce myself and hopefully get really involved with this writing community.
First of just reading through this it seems like a really useful and encouraging community and seeing guys here that have actually written and its out there and an actual book that's so damn cool to me.
I'm an aspiring writer author of a thousand half baked not even half written stories three times failed nanowrimo entree.
I constantly have all these ideas in my head but never seem to fully develop them and just sort of try to bull rush through hit a block and move onto something else.
Worse still over the last couple of years I barely write at all. I've had some personal issues that have sort of muted my passions and enjoyment of certain things. I think a lot about writing but find it hard to motivate myself to actually write but I really want to get back into it and I really want to write something to completion for once even if it's bad.
Needless to say I've subbed to this topic and I can't wait to get more involved with all you inspirations here.
AngmarsKing701
Member
Welcome! Great to have you here!
Freeza Under The Shower
Member
THE DIRTY DEED IS DONE
Such a miserable movie though. I kind of expected that they would enjoy it or something but it's just fucking miserable. Weird. Also using Evey Reborn in the soundtrack was in poor taste, since the main character's arc didn't merit that at that point.
(and the fact that this movie is really just soft-porn without merit. I can imagine why the actors now fucking hate each other. Maybe that contract singing thing was supposed to be meta? Oh well )
I also love how in Twilight vampires have different powers, but apparently it's just three of them and one of that is being able to see the future two seconds before it happens. "USELESS ASS PSYCHIC POWERS!", hahaha.
Just putting this here this one time because of reasons, back to proper writing from here.
FlowersisBritish
fleurs n'est pas britannique
I'm in the newest Literary Hatchet and I think I screamed a little at it. Mostly because i got a little bit of art to go with it. This is the best christmas present I could ever get. Getting art is just really really really nice...
Edit: here's the little title card I've been freaking out over. Really excited to get the physical book.
Edit: here's the little title card I've been freaking out over. Really excited to get the physical book.
Conkersbadfurday
Member
http://www.twogag.com/archives/3607
It's funny because ti's true!
So, my three test readers are making their way through my book. One has finished. They are in no particular order: my mother, my brother, and a friend I've known since high school. Bro is the only one I really need to impress since he's blunt as hell and not afraid to share his thoughts. I figured my mom would like it under the obligation that she's my mother. Friend from HS is a wild card since we don't talk all that much and she lives in Germany.
Mother finished it. She liked it. No real advice other than "please write an epilogue why doesn't it have one?" which I agree with. It so needs one. Will do.
Friend from HS is asking me about a sequel. Hahahaha. But, she did have some really good crit to give that I'll be taking to heart on draft three.
Bro isn't as close to being done but is so far positive. Main character can be a whiny SOB too often, so I have to fix that.
Feeling alright about this, but then, I maybe didn't send it to "heavy hitter" critique-ers (brother aside). Or I could not go down this train of thought and just be happy for once >_>
It's funny because ti's true!
So, my three test readers are making their way through my book. One has finished. They are in no particular order: my mother, my brother, and a friend I've known since high school. Bro is the only one I really need to impress since he's blunt as hell and not afraid to share his thoughts. I figured my mom would like it under the obligation that she's my mother. Friend from HS is a wild card since we don't talk all that much and she lives in Germany.
Mother finished it. She liked it. No real advice other than "please write an epilogue why doesn't it have one?" which I agree with. It so needs one. Will do.
Friend from HS is asking me about a sequel. Hahahaha. But, she did have some really good crit to give that I'll be taking to heart on draft three.
Bro isn't as close to being done but is so far positive. Main character can be a whiny SOB too often, so I have to fix that.
Feeling alright about this, but then, I maybe didn't send it to "heavy hitter" critique-ers (brother aside). Or I could not go down this train of thought and just be happy for once >_>
Freeza Under The Shower
Member
bengraven
Member
Saw this on my Facebook and it reminded me of all the times I've become excited by a concept that in my head was incredibly creative. The issue is that I would bring it up to a friend and have it all crash down on me.
And even if I thought I might make it better, stronger and completely divergent, the taste was filthy in my mouth already, making the story something I detested and no longer cared for.
Example:
- "it's a space opera where man is one of several thousand hybrid species created by an oligarchy. Business is government. If you can afford it, it's legal."
- Oh, so it's Deep Space 9.
- "No, it's more about these five races that run the market, are superior to the others in every way and how we are..."
- No, you just described the Ferengi to a T.
- "Not really..."
- If you have a space opera and the government is run on business, you are ripping off DS9. Try and think of an alternative style of government.
- "But it's nothing like that, it's more serious whereas the Ferengi are just joke characters..."
- You don't need to listen to me, but no one is going to read this.
I think even the best intentioned friends are guilty of this. "I know I shouldn't say this, but honestly it reminds me of Twilight..."
So a couple months ago I wrote a quick article on two-factor authentication for a local tech magazine. Today the payment for my contribution arrived, my first ever payment for any sort of writing. Quite the Christmas gift, I must say.
Conkersbadfurday
Member
Congrats!
I've been doing a bit of technical writing at my new job. It isn't why i'm hired, but when they found out I had an English degree, they decided to put it to use. Been doing safety instructions for giant pieces of machinery that I have no business around. Getting paid to write though, which is pretty cool.
Conkersbadfurday
Member
http://www.baen.com/baenfantasyaward2016.asp
Anyone plan on trying? I have a little fantasy story I've been sitting on for awhile, though it doesn't have any dragons or knights or dwarves or anythin' like that in it.
But to be honest, I have no real respect for Baen since every novel I've read from the house has been kinda crap in one way or another. Terrible editing too. Partly my fault I'm sure, but still.
Anyone plan on trying? I have a little fantasy story I've been sitting on for awhile, though it doesn't have any dragons or knights or dwarves or anythin' like that in it.
But to be honest, I have no real respect for Baen since every novel I've read from the house has been kinda crap in one way or another. Terrible editing too. Partly my fault I'm sure, but still.
They pub Lois Mcmaster Bujold, so it's not all bad. otoh they've inflicted some of the worst covers in publishing on her books so maybe it evens out.
Looking at their winner last year, it's quite uninteresting.