Support NeoGAF

[Triumph]

I live at the end of a little dead end street, and across the street from the entrance of my little slice of urban heaven is the nastiest, most dilapidated looking gay bar in all of Atlanta, which is saying something. I've met gay dudes who I found out later go to leather bars and refuse to go into the Phoenix.

Anyhow, I digress. The Phoenix is pretty much gay crackhead/meth freak central. There's ALWAYS a sketched out looking, scrawny mother****er standing out in front of that place no matter what the time. Usually sans shirt. I guess his job is to remind straight people that they don't want to catch the gay, because then they could end up shirtless in front of a nasty looking bar addicted to something that makes you weigh 125 pounds when you're six feet tall. Also, I imagine his job is to run in and tell all of the other crackheads/methfreaks that the police are raiding the place, which they do an average of about once a month or so.

My best story involving one of these guys happened about 3 months ago. I was driving home at about three in the morning and there was a cop in front of me, so I was going pretty slow. I was probably drunk. Anyways, as I start to go up the hill towards my street, the cop slams on his brakes and turns his lights and siren on. I stop and find out why- the sketched out guy shirtless guy has wandered out into the middle of Ponce de Leon Avenue, the main thoroughfare, and is squatting down to take a shit in the middle of the road. He's understandably spooked by the cop, and I guess remembers that he's supposed to be on the lookout for 5.0. So in the middle of taking a shit, he stands up with his pants around his ankles and runs across the street back into the bar. I can see the cop sit there for a minute thinking about this one, but apparently he decided "**** it, I'm not about to deal with this tonight" and just turned off his siren and lights and drove off into the night.

Hooray middle of the road shitting crackhead!

 

[Oldschoolgamer]

:lol :lol @ these stories!

 

[Flynn]

The last time I was in Los Angeles (for E3) I was driving West on Sunset at Vine -- just before the Arclight. The left turn lane wasn't moving and people were pissed. From traffic it looked like the guy slept through the whole light, which is a crime of the highest order in Los Angeles. There are no green arrows there, so when you're making a left turn it's your duty to slip through traffic at every opportunity.

So people were honking up a storm at this guy who refused to budge. I was going straight, so I pulled up next to him to see what his deal was and saw what was keeping him. There was a homeless dude on his back in the crosswalk, strumming a guitar and kicking his legs in the air like a baby.

 

[Mifune]

I was coming out of the Whole Foods on Santa Monica and Fairfax, and some guy was wandering through the parking lot asking people for change as they got out of their cars. When one lady refused him, he yelled, "Oh yeah? Well I made your car!" He then walked around, staring at the parked cars..."BMW? I made that ****ing car!" Moving out of the parking lot and onto Santa Monica Blvd., he was almost run down by a Jetta. With the car's horn blaring, he slammed his hands down on the hood and screamed, "HOOOONK YOU!! I MADE YOUR ****ING CAR, TOO!!!!!!"

That was the last I saw of the ex-auto designer homeless guy.

 

[OmegaRed]

I was coming out of the Whole Foods on Santa Monica and Fairfax, and some guy was wandering through the parking lot asking people for change as they got out of their cars. When one lady refused him, he yelled, "Oh yeah? Well I made your car!" He then walked around, staring at the parked cars..."BMW? I made that ****ing car!" Moving out of the parking lot and onto Santa Monica Blvd., he was almost run down by a Jetta. With the car's horn blaring, he slammed his hands down on the hood and screamed, "HOOOONK YOU!! I MADE YOUR ****ING CAR, TOO!!!!!!"

That was the last I saw of the ex-auto designer homeless guy.

Ok, thats wierd, I saw a guy like that almost 2 weeks ago.

 

[WalkMan]

Yea so last memorial weekend my family decides to go out to the Purple Dot in Seattle for some Midnight dinner. Low and behold the homeless and the crackheads fill Chinatown at night, they're like the zombies in "Thriller." The area becomes packed with them at night but that's what makes it so funny. So we walk past some into the restaraunt ignoring them. Later on when we leave one of them pesters us for a lighter and he starts getting pissed. My mom gets really really scared for some reason and I feel like giving him a good kick but everyone makes a dash for the van which is like a block away. Then I hear a shatter and the crackhead broke some car's window that was parked near the restaraunt. But yea the poor owner got their window punched in. Damn crackheads.

 

[Odoul]

I'm in a car with my mom and aunt.

We see this guy(probably on something), doggy-stylin some girl (definite junky) in the middle of a parking lot.

My aunt, instigator she is, rolls down the window to scream "WHAT ARE YA'LL DOING??" He yells back "Bitch this ain't yo business."

She says ok and we drive off.

I also used to work/go to trade school with this guy. He lived in Cass Corridor and GODDAMN some of the stories with this guy. Calling people up asking if they wanted in on the crackwhores he bought. Coming in drunk, getting drunk and calling people up asking to study. The best was probably when he called up a 17 y/o colleague and telling him he wanted to get him alone in the bushes with some fish grease.

He had this gray beard and greasy pony tail. Paul James was probably the grimiest MFer I've ever met.

 

[hobbitx]

Some family dinner table classics!

I wasn't even there when this happened, but I sure as hell do tell it like I was. My mom, dad, and sister were all out in my dad's truck. It was a really clean, restored 53 chevy and ****ing crackheads loved that truck more than my dad did. One day this cracked out chick came to admire the truck, and then started begging for money. They told her no, and then she started looking all inside and then she said, "Aaaaah, you have such a cute little girl!" then she started waving at my sister, "Hey pretty bab..." before she finished 'baby' she had her hand around the strap of my moms purse. Being the the experienced mom she was with two kids, she had more than enough experience smacking away naughty idle hands.

Another time, and this was just brutal. This crackhead went in Boys, (remember Boys LA gaffers?) and stole a pack of meat. The employees came out after her screaming to the outside security guy. I was just thinking he'd try and chase her and she'd maybe get away, but no, this guy went ****ing Dark Knight on her ass! He hurled his billy club at her from the front of the store to halfway through the ****ing parking lot at her feet and tripped her hard. He ran over and grabbed her, he took the meat she had hidden in her pants or worse took it out and sniffed it, gagged and then said........"Ah **** it, just take the goddamn meat!". I seriously almost had a heart attack that day.

No serious story here, but a freaking legend. On main street, near this middle school, there used to be this crazy crackhead that would run up and down the street all day with a gold steering wheel. I always thought my cousin was messing with me, until several kids at that school and the nearby highschool told me about the dude too.