When you hit 30 as a virgin, you become a wizard. But what kind of wizard?
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This site is relatively male dominated, so we see only the male perspective of failed relationships or a lack of luck with the opposite sex. Out there, in social circles that aren't male geeks and nerds, there are plenty of lonely women in female dominated careers, pushing their late twenties, that see success of their friends relationships and stew in their own bitterness. Or, women with weight issues. Or, women that have too many "alone" hobbies relative to how much contact they have with the opposite sex on a regular basis. Or women with fucked up views of sexuality from being raised too sheltered or religious. Plenty of women feel past their prime too early in life, or are too ruthlessly critical about their appearance that it cripples them with anxiety.
Ultimately, any feeling of inadequacy with a perceived major part of life will be a sore spot with people, men and women alike, and sex/relationships are just part of that. Sex takes on a role as some sort of symbol for a lack of satisfying interaction with the opposite sex.
For those of you that feel bad: Don't lose hope. There isn't much of a difference between a true "0" and those that have had random hookups here or there other than what you let your inner demons do to you. I know several near-wizards that are now married, or engaged, or in committed relationships. They're not freaks, or losers, or ugly. They're just guys that didn't have the confidence to push through for what ended up being near misses, or had their lives disrupted repeatedly by tragedy or multiple military deployments, or were abused when they were young to the point of being withdrawn until their twenties.
Ultimately, any feeling of inadequacy with a perceived major part of life will be a sore spot with people, men and women alike, and sex/relationships are just part of that. Sex takes on a role as some sort of symbol for a lack of satisfying interaction with the opposite sex.
For those of you that feel bad: Don't lose hope. There isn't much of a difference between a true "0" and those that have had random hookups here or there other than what you let your inner demons do to you. I know several near-wizards that are now married, or engaged, or in committed relationships. They're not freaks, or losers, or ugly. They're just guys that didn't have the confidence to push through for what ended up being near misses, or had their lives disrupted repeatedly by tragedy or multiple military deployments, or were abused when they were young to the point of being withdrawn until their twenties.
ShyGuy0504
Member
What's depressing about that?
I'm looking forward to the potential of VR.
Should I feel bad about being excited for something?
whatever77
Banned
As someone who lost his virginity after 30 and now happily married, my opinion is that having sex with someone and get over that hump will put you into the right prospective. What I am saying is being virgin at least in my experience skew your perspective of yourself. It's hard to know kind of girl is "in your league" and what kind of girl you should be pursuing. It also make you act normal and confident in social settings.
I know some of you guys are not going to agree with my view. And that's ok. It's just one man's opinion. I have a really good friend whom I hang out all the time. He is I think 34 and a virgin. IMO he is always pursuing the girl who is wrong for him. My wife tried to hook him up with girls for quite a few times. We shake our heads when he pass the girls up after just one date for some weird reasons.
I know some of you guys are not going to agree with my view. And that's ok. It's just one man's opinion. I have a really good friend whom I hang out all the time. He is I think 34 and a virgin. IMO he is always pursuing the girl who is wrong for him. My wife tried to hook him up with girls for quite a few times. We shake our heads when he pass the girls up after just one date for some weird reasons.
Aesius
Member
wizard-senior I suppose. with 50 though..
Lol. Lost mine at 17, didn't realize I was in danger of being a wizard already at that age.
wondermega
Member
Quoting because this was going to get lost at the very end of the last page.
DUDE. Please do not say things like that
Get some help. I am sure plenty of people on this forum would like to be your friend. Where do you live?I don't know what surprises me more: that this thread is still around or that I expected it to be around...
I've seen that before. I really like it.
What if you find no one attractive?
See, this actually makes me want to go to 50+ just to see what happens.
I've seen that before. I really like it.
What if you find no one attractive?
wizard-senior I suppose. with 50 though..
See, this actually makes me want to go to 50+ just to see what happens.
Circle Jerk
Member
To make things even clearer, I never said I abstain and refuse to have sex. It's just that having sex or a relationship is not my top priority and my job and hobbies which I am very passionate about are taking my full energy and focus. My point is that you could have a happy life without sex, and I didn't want to sound over dramatic or depressing when exposing this point. Now I feel shitty because I feel forced to explained a joke
@Bread
Could you tell me why I would suck at basketball ?
I'm genuinely curious and want to be informed. I know some basketball players who started playing volleyball pretty late (like 32 years old) and be good at it, so I don't really see why I would be bad if I started to train with a team.
Well, I should definitively stop trying to be humorous, sex and virginity is a serious thing and I'm an idiot, thanks man
No, you're just not very funny. I mean if you outright admit you have to explain your joke, it probably wasn't a very good one.
ClosingADoor
Member
I don't really know how you are feeling and what you are going through, but things can get better. Reach out for therapy and don't do anything drastic just because one aspect of your life isn't working out how you want it to.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Man, how'd you get inside my mind and post this? I relate to this way too fucking much.
Come on. Parties are cool, they only suck if you are not used to them and fairly socially inhibited/anxious (there is nothing wrong with being this way, btw). You just need to get used to it.. but nowadays it gets easier and easier to get half-assed social interaction instead and
therefore dealing with the hurdles of the real thing can seem lame. It takes some work just like anything else.
The point is we are extremely social animals by nature, we crave culture and community, connection. Anyone who honestly disagrees with this is lying to themselves else they wouldn't be participating in this 10 page thread on the matter on a social discussion forum! They'd be chilling in the woods or the desert by themselves stalking and killing wild animals or something..
Chemistry and connection with each other is part of what makes us human, and so is the difficulty and awkwardness of finding exactly what group we belong with, what mate we may find. That's what makes us special and why it is so important - that promotes diversity of culture and variety, as opposed to homogenization which is really the enemy. And it's a danger even with places like gaf which, while very enriching to all of our lives in many ways, can also be an echo chamber. That's not a good thing.
So go outside. Go do shit that makes you feel a little uncomfortable. Be glad that you at least have the option to do such things, and when you start to see why it's cool it can be very enlightening. Being LTTP to a social life can be harsh in some ways but there's plenty of us who struggle with it in many different ways in spite of the faces we put on. We are all in it together
No, parties really are pretty dull.
It has nothing to do with social adjustment. Im adjusted just fine. Just dont like parties.
I think it is hard for people to understand, let alone believe, that some people are just "Wired" completely differently to others. Like some in this thread who say "just be social" or "just keep talking" or "parties are for everyone". Speaking in absolutes when in fact such things can be completely night and day in contrast to different individuals.
For myself, I've never enjoyed parties, I do not really care for, nor have the patience necessary for mindless/pointless conversation (of which, I find the majority rather dull and plodding for my tastes) and never cannot shake the feeling of "not quite belonging" even when I go to parties that supposedly are with people who "share my interests" or even those among work colleagues.
I'm definitely pushing up there in virginity. I use to bemoan it and still sometimes feel regret. But it usually doesn't last, simply because I can easily distract myself or have tons and tons of work to do that is more important. Expecting nothing to come of it has ensured that I no longer get any foolish expectations built up.
Also I dislike people who love to hear themselves talk, which I find is the majority of people. I get along with those who don't feel the need of speaking everything on their mind.
For myself, I've never enjoyed parties, I do not really care for, nor have the patience necessary for mindless/pointless conversation (of which, I find the majority rather dull and plodding for my tastes) and never cannot shake the feeling of "not quite belonging" even when I go to parties that supposedly are with people who "share my interests" or even those among work colleagues.
I'm definitely pushing up there in virginity. I use to bemoan it and still sometimes feel regret. But it usually doesn't last, simply because I can easily distract myself or have tons and tons of work to do that is more important. Expecting nothing to come of it has ensured that I no longer get any foolish expectations built up.
Also I dislike people who love to hear themselves talk, which I find is the majority of people. I get along with those who don't feel the need of speaking everything on their mind.
this post gets around more than you do my friend.
I'll just say this......just get it out of the way man... just get it out of the way.
you'll be like.. "oh is that all it was.. pffff...maybe I'll do it again" or you'll be like "OFMG WTF WAS I THINKING! I NEED IT ALL THE TIME!!!1"
so yeah, unless you are saving yourself for marriage.. just get it out of the way.....imo.
But, it makes for an enjoyable read.
BKatastrophe
Member
Filthy Casual
Member
wizard-senior I suppose. with 50 though..
Lmao. I'm almost at the point of no return, shit.
ffs, just don't level your main on eredar and you're safe
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
I was brought to this thread/post thanks to @gafshitposts, but this isn't a shitpost. It's quite possibly the funniest post I've seen all year, and considering today's date, that's quite something!
Thanks, Marcadet, for making my spleen hurt so much.
Filthy Casual
Member
dm
I used to be very introverted and would tell myself I had no desire for interaction with other people, but I was fooling myself.
Not even talking about sex, just intimacy and conversation and friendship are basic elements of humanity.
Denying this made me into an angry bitter person and it wasn't until I let go of my ideas of who I was was I able to be intimate with someone else.
Having said that, maybe there really are people that are designed to not enjoy other people, I don't know.
Not even talking about sex, just intimacy and conversation and friendship are basic elements of humanity.
Denying this made me into an angry bitter person and it wasn't until I let go of my ideas of who I was was I able to be intimate with someone else.
Having said that, maybe there really are people that are designed to not enjoy other people, I don't know.
I can talk to people. In fact people actually tell me I talk too much. Conversing and socializing isnt a problem, even with women.
Crossing Eden
Hello, my name is Yves Guillemot, Vivendi S.A.'s Employee of the Month!
That's not how it works. Holy shit...
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Ain't nothing but a thing, it's just a penis going into an orifice or clasped hands, dpenedging of what school of virginity removal you subscrive to.
Doubtful, but you're on.
eot
Banned
TheVampire
Banned
I've only had sex like 20 times when I lost my virginity at 27 but since then no more sex (I'm 29 now)
Better than nothing I guess.
Better than nothing I guess.
Umm, not sure what to say. But I am literally LOL-ing here.
I gave up as soon as i turned 30 a few months ago. It's not like i don't want too, i edge to porn for 5 hours straight, but it's like my mindstate is different now. It hasn't happened since i hit puberty at 12 so why is it going to happen now? I mean shit not even a kiss. I hope i don't start to hate women. I already give them dirty looks sometimes. But that's just me being frustrated.
-Stranger-
Junior Member
I think my younger brother could become a wizard, he is only 22 now but I just can't see him getting laid or even finding a gf before 30.
I lost mine at 17, glad I met my current gf or I might still be a virgin.
I lost mine at 17, glad I met my current gf or I might still be a virgin.
I dunno, maybe you're right and I'm just too neurotic, but I feel like I've been quite unlucky to an extent. I had some really good friends at Uni who I lived with for 3 years, 4 guys 2 girls. All the guys were way better looking than me (I'm not being unrealistic here they really were). 3 of the guys were straight and the gay guy also got a lot of attention from girls, so when we went out together (which was a lot), I always was the 5th best looking guy and thus my chances of hooking up with someone were basically nil. Well maybe that's just my negativity talking and I can admit I might be wrong, but that's what it felt like. And the 2 girls are both really big personalities who seemingly can get sex more or less whenever they want with whoever they want (again, almost certainly not true but that's what it seems like to me).
I knew this is probably funny to most people but it kind of hurts
This is a complete 100% damn lie. Looks have EVERYTHING to do with attraction. Especially for men. People who say otherwise are just making excuses and trying to be nice.
Horse Detective
Why the long case?
While grooming can make someone a little more appealing, I definitely think natural good looks factor into attraction.
I don't think one has to have sex to lead a happy life (although it is clearly harder for some due to the outside pressure society places on the issue), but man I really do wish those who have been unable to land a partner could experience it. If I have a couple of wishes, I think one would be to wish for every virgin who wanted to have sex to be in a happy sexual relationship.
It's not that it's the MEANING OF LIFE, but man it's so fun and enjoyable. It would suck to cut that out of your life, and the hand is just not the same. I never tried a fleshlight, but I can't imagine that'd be the same either.
I mean if you were really into videogames or going to amusement parks or movies or books or TV, you could quite clearly live without them and lead a happy and fulfilling life. But, like, why would you? It's fun!
It's not that it's the MEANING OF LIFE, but man it's so fun and enjoyable. It would suck to cut that out of your life, and the hand is just not the same. I never tried a fleshlight, but I can't imagine that'd be the same either.
I mean if you were really into videogames or going to amusement parks or movies or books or TV, you could quite clearly live without them and lead a happy and fulfilling life. But, like, why would you? It's fun!
I don't think it's "luck." Most people in their life have sex. Statistics show something higher than 90% will have sex once in their life. I think it's even higher, I can't find the study at the moment. When the statistics are like that, luck is rarely involved. It's not even about looking good or having extreme self-confidence. There's just so many people on the planet that if you are at the end of your rope as long as you are willing to ensure your standards are reasonably within the range of a decent assessment of ones own stature (one must be a bit honest with themselves I think) eventually you are extremely likely to have sex at least once with someone who actually wants to reciprocate.
But my point was more that I agree sex is not required to lead a happy and fulfilling life, and I wish people would stop trying to shame those who have not had sex by making virginity some shameful thing. It sucks. It's just that man it really is fun, so I hope that even those who have been unfortunate in this pursuit do not give up and eventually get to experience that joy.
And for the record, I don't think there's anything wrong whatsoever with buying a willing prostitute. I think the stigma behind that also needs to fade. If a woman is in a society that appropriately regulates prostitution and ensures cleanliness and empowerment of females (and males) within that role, it really can be a hugely eventful and enjoyable experience for the few who can't land a partner.
Corronchilejano
Member
The only virgin I know over 30 has everything I've ever wanted to have in my life (except a woman) and does everything he wants. He had beers with John Romero and everything. I'd say he did turn into a goddamn wizard.
Not necessarily. Many overweight, introverted male virgins are not interested in overweight, introverted female virgins.
It might be from this study here:
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr036.pdf
99% of men between the ages of 40-44 have had sex.
97% between between the ages of 30-34.
96% between the ages of 25-29.
80% between the ages of 20-24.
65% between the ages of 18-19.
And 30% between the ages of 15-17.
Yes. Congrats on the sex.
Discotheque
Banned
Which in return does not mean that these overweight, introvert male virgins would get laid if they just lowered their standards.
that sounds like the one I saw, yup. As you can see, it's not really about luck. ;P
To me I think the important thing is for the few stragglers who have yet to have sex to find a way to move beyond their personal phobias and insecurities and to aim at the appropriate target. I'm not saying that's easy either, it took me the better part of a decade to finally fight my inner demons into submission (not about this particular issue, but other things that were blocking my success in life like social anxiety and depression). There's no gentle way to say this, but if you really do want to experience sex, sometimes someone just needs to accept that some women (and men) might be out of their league unless they can compensate in some other way - being rich, extremely funny or powerful. But the moment you accept that looks aren't the only path to sexual attraction, it is not really terribly difficult to "reconfigure" ones search criteria into something more realistic. I mean when I was young I had dreams of being with someone like Monica Bellucci every day, but as much as I love my fiancee and find her genuinely beautiful she ain't Monica Bellucci.
Oh God don't tell her I said that
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