Online Dating |OT| Please Respond

Llyranor said:
Girl you think is only on the site to mess with guys

Responds with lame one-word answers

You want to go out with her as a friend

....what?
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gaiages said:
Holy crap I just glazed over that last line in his post the first time I read it

I just

I can't
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I'm only messing around to see where it goes. Currently into a funny/interesting conversation with her.

Yeah, it may sound stupid to bother or even put myself into the situation, but it's about time I've had some random fun on this app. I've been really conservative with my usage on it by sticking to girls with somewhat serious profiles.

I don't really care if it all just goes into thin air. That's usually what happens most of the time.
 
M52B28 said:
I'm only messing around to see where it goes. Currently into a funny/interesting conversation with her.

Yeah, it may sound stupid to bother or even put myself into the situation, but it's about time I've had some random fun on this app. I've been really conservative with my usage on it by sticking to girls with somewhat serious profiles.

I don't really care if it all just goes into thin air. That's usually what happens most of the time.
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I was in this situation as well. Initially wanted to go out with her but she dodged. Instead got a penpal. Not salty one bit, she's super funny.
 
gaiages said:
Why did you pay for the meals when you were meeting as friends? :(

But hey, if you think it went well (or even if you didn't), might as well try to set up a second meet up (or... an actual date this time) and she what she says.
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Llyranor said:
You're glad she made it easy for you to pay for her? I also get the impression you didn't make your intentions clear. So what now?
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I'm 90% sure she didn't see it as a buddy buddy meet up. Plus, she's the most mature woman I've ever been out with. Most other girls are years younger & tend to spill their feelings after the first meet, which has always made them easy to read.
 
I have a date today, a date tomorrow, a date on Friday, and two dates on Saturday. I know that I've said it already, but if you are a decent looking guy that seems to have his life together, you really should try Match.com. It is worth every penny.

I re-opened my account with the free trial, and have been contacted by several women. They are also different than the POF women in that they really aren't all that flakey/unresponsive. The women just seem much more interested in meeting a man and going on a date. They don't really come off as the attention seeking types that you find on POF.
 
And please stop it with that friends BS. You are not on a dating website to find friends. You go out there with that mentality and you will never be more than a friend. It looks weak and you will forever be that passive-aggressive guy that gets upset because your "friend" is getting sexed by some douchebag that you can't stand.

If you haven't heard of it, I highly recommend that you read a book called "Mode One: Let women know what you're REALLY thinking". It goes in depth about men who try to go at women with that friends angle.
 
Assanova said:
And please stop it with that friends BS. You are not on a dating website to find friends. You go out there with that mentality and you will never be more than a friend. It looks weak and you will forever be that passive-aggressive guy that gets upset because your "friend" is getting sexed by some douchebag that you can't stand.

If you haven't heard of it, I highly recommend that you read a book called "Mode One: Let women know what you're REALLY thinking". It goes in depth about men who try to go at women with that friends angle.
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I'm guessing that this is said in regards of me.

I guess you can say that about the majority of people, but for me, I'm on there for whatever. If I become friends with someone, okay, that's fine. If I get into a relationship with someone, okay, that's also fine.

I don't really give a shit if something looks "weak" or strong, or whatever standpoint you're coming from. On my profile, it's not like I'm going out and saying "I'M ONLY LOOKING FOR FRIENDS, NO RELATIONSHIPS OR HOOKUPS.".

If I want a woman to know that I'm interested in her, I will tell her. In that message that I sent the girl that I was talking about, I was being vague as to what we should do on purpose. If I were, at all, remotely interested in dating her/ being in a relationship, I would have asked her something more straight up. I'm simply playing along with her.
 
M52B28 said:
I'm guessing that this is said in regards of me.

I guess you can say that about the majority of people, but for me, I'm on there for whatever. If I become friends with someone, okay, that's fine. If I get into a relationship with someone, okay, that's also fine.

I don't really give a shit if something looks "weak" or strong, or whatever standpoint you're coming from. On my profile, it's not like I'm going out and saying "I'M ONLY LOOKING FOR FRIENDS, NO RELATIONSHIPS OR HOOKUPS.".

If I want a woman to know that I'm interested in her, I will tell her. In that message that I sent the girl that I was talking about, I was being vague as to what we should do on purpose. If I were, at all, remotely interested in dating her/ being in a relationship, I would have asked her something more straight up. I'm simply playing along with her.
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Not coming at you in particular, but I have noticed a string of posts recently about being friends with girls, whether it is by you, or by others. If you are doing good online, then more power to you, however, I have seen men, not only on here, but elsewhere, try to be friends with girls that they are obviously attracted to, and then wonder why they are having difficulty attracting them. That angle almost never works with women.
 
Assanova said:
I have a date today, a date tomorrow, a date on Friday, and two dates on Saturday. I know that I've said it already, but if you are a decent looking guy that seems to have his life together, you really should try Match.com. It is worth every penny.
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That is...a lot of dates.

I will get on match, but I am only about a month out of a 6 year relationship. I still waiver on if I should be messing with this stuff right now, but then some cute girl likes me on tinder and I can't say no to that.
 
Assanova said:
And please stop it with that friends BS. You are not on a dating website to find friends. You go out there with that mentality and you will never be more than a friend. It looks weak and you will forever be that passive-aggressive guy that gets upset because your "friend" is getting sexed by some douchebag that you can't stand.

If you haven't heard of it, I highly recommend that you read a book called "Mode One: Let women know what you're REALLY thinking". It goes in depth about men who try to go at women with that friends angle.
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I think that lot of guys think that that will work because so many women say "I just want to be friends first and see where it goes." I've had so many women say "well I hardly know you, can't we get to know each other before we start dating?"

No. No we cannot. Dating is the activity which is used to get to know the other person.

Seriously, for any women out there that have a problem saying "no" when that's what you mean, please start saying no. No is so much easier than handwrining and pussyfooting. I love no. No means I can move on and not waste any time or energy trying to see if you really meant "I'm not sure" when that's what you said. Please say no. No is good.
 
Just had a girl tell me I'm a tough one to crack. Like, I'm very short and blunt with my answers, almost mysterious. It keeps them interested. But should I change that if I'm apparently tough to crack?
 
Chatting with a woman who's intelligent, seems really compatible with me. The issues: She lives kinda far away, is married. The distance is the bigger issue for me, her being married mostly means if she's clingy, she'll cling to her husband instead of me. At least I hope.

She actually asked me questions, and liked it when I sent her a detailed response, and that's really making me think I should keep talking to her. A willingness to get into deeper discussion from the start is much more appealing than the "oh, make me laugh and don't be too serious!" attitude that I see in most of the women on this site.

The problem is, I've had a really stressful week, and I can't think of how to move the conversation forward. I don't want to wait too long if I'm going to respond, but I don't want to send a lack luster message either.
 
Rest said:
I think that lot of guys think that that will work because so many women say "I just want to be friends first and see where it goes." I've had so many women say "well I hardly know you, can't we get to know each other before we start dating?"

No. No we cannot. Dating is the activity which is used to get to know the other person.

Seriously, for any women out there that have a problem saying "no" when that's what you mean, please start saying no. No is so much easier than handwrining and pussyfooting. I love no. No means I can move on and not waste any time or energy trying to see if you really meant "I'm not sure" when that's what you said. Please say no. No is good.
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Look, what you guys don't understand is the potential danger of telling a guy no. It's downright stressful to think about. A girl that doesn't wanna date you is probably not gonna know you well enough to know how you're going to respond by saying no. There are some truly terrifying people that will some bad shit if they think they are slighted in some way. I would have loved to be more blunt to people when I was dating, but to be frank, as someone that lives completely alone, it simply wasn't worth the risk. I'm not gonna say that's 100% the reason girls act like that, some would do it regardless, but that's a factor mire often than you think.
 
I just got back from a date. I was pretty sure that we were going to have sex, but didn't. She really, really, likes me and is trying to see me on Saturday. I have a feeling that she is trying to lock me down before having sex. I had another date that I was suppose to have today that I didn't go on because I had already scheduled this date. I will be seeing that girl next week.

I really want to meet all of the girls before getting into a relationship. My Match trial is done on Saturday, so I will try to meet as many as I can within the next two weeks and eventually pick a girlfriend. It's starting to get difficult because there are different characteristics that I like about different girls. I have no intention of being a player, because I don't need that drama, but this definitely isn't an easy decision to pick just one.

Infinity Patriot said:
Assanova, link me to your match profile. How old are you? I have a feeling people my age (mid 20's) are on both pof & match.
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I sent you a link. Check your PM box.
 
Was supposed to have a date on Friday night with this incredible-sounding girl who wants to challenge me in SNES-era Mortal Kombat while making me her patented gin & tonic. There's a playful banter in messages, which is refreshing. She initially said she could do Friday, but texted me today to explain that she's gotta attend a work function that night. She commented on the date I planned (which was just beer and live comedy) and said it was perfect. So, she asked for a raincheck. Of course, she's going out of town 'til Tuesday. So, I'm seeing if Wednesday night'll work instead. Hate to push things out this much.

But I've got another date lined up tomorrow night with a super-cute Latina. I don't know much about her, as we've not done any of the pre-date chatting. Made reservations at a wine bar near us, and we'll see how it goes.

On Sunday, I'm seeing Netflix & Chill/Jurassic World girl on Sunday night, although we're going out for live music. She's verging on "she's nice, but" territory, as she's mostly a homebody. If she wants to keep things casual, though? I'm down.

Finally, I'm almost finished my tour at work, and I'll wait until the last day to ask my co-worker out. There's just crazy chemistry, and if she's not into it (but, y'know, she probably is), then actually I don't mind just being friends, as she gets on well with my circle.
 
This is interesting-ish. I've been in a new city this week, and over the past 24 hours I have 30+ likes on OKC. Lots of cuties, but I'm not a one night stand guy. Makes me think my profile has play, there's just not as many "new" profiles to see mine.

Think I'll start a Match profile when I get back, delete the OKC, and rebuild it a few months later. Cause my pic when I started OKC was terribad....even if it got me a few dates.
 
i feel like i'm trying to get blood from a stone here. i think it's mostly just funny at this point.



Davepoobond: What got you interested in being a forensic psychologist?

W: Cuz I'm interested in criminal minds

Davepoobond: Ah, ok. I've only seen a couple episodes of that. Do you usually watch it as it airs?

W: Not the show.....

W: The actual minds of serial killers

Davepoobond: Oh, haha. Cool. So are you majoring in psychology and criminal justice or just psychology? I personally do video editing

W: Just psych
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Assanova said:
If I get those types of responses, especially more than once, I kill all communication unless the girl messages me again. I refuse to work that hard for a girl.
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Agreed. Put in equal effort as the other person. I messaged two chicks (while drunk, naturally) this week and both replied - one offered a one-sentence response that wasn't even grammatically correct. The other did respond but didn't bother to ask a question in return. So, no point in continuing down that path.
 
I want to provide the best first date activity I've ever had. Had a GREAT time doing this last night.

"Paint Nite" events. Show off your artistic side or goofily attempt to paint. Have a glass of wine (or not), talk, and paint. It's a loose acfivity and a lot of fun.
Groupon saved quite a bit on the price if you're wondering.
 
Almost had a Sunday date set up a few minutes ago. Girl asked if I could meet her at church and I backed out of it. It's cool if a girl is religious, but I don't like to be put into those types of situations. Would be just really awkward. Not worth everything that could possibly go wrong.

ReturnOfTheRAT said:
I want to provide the best first date activity I've ever had. Had a GREAT time doing this last night.

"Paint Nite" events. Show off your artistic side or goofily attempt to paint. Have a glass of wine (or not), talk, and paint. It's a loose acfivity and a lot of fun.
Groupon saved quite a bit on the price if you're wondering.
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This sounds like a great fourth or fifth date. I took a girl to The Candle Lab once. It was pretty good. We made candles, I laughed at how stupid it was, we ate dinner, and came back to pick-up the candles we made. I like to avoid any specialty type dates until I've had sex with a girl, but that's just me.
 
Assanova said:
I sent you a link. Check your PM box.
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Apparently I have to make a profile to view yours.

Advocatus Diaboli said:
Agreed. Put in equal effort as the other person. I messaged two chicks (while drunk, naturally) this week and both replied - one offered a one-sentence response that wasn't even grammatically correct. The other did respond but didn't bother to ask a question in return. So, no point in continuing down that path.
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lmao
 
Infinity Patriot said:
lmao
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Hey, drunk-messaging gets me a 100% response rate.

This online dating phenomenon is really something else: I love browsing matches and seeing the girl who's ghosted me on there (blocked her profile, of course), as well as the girl who rescheduled for Friday, but hasn't yet texted me to confirm a time next week. Yet, I'm on there too, so I'm doing the exact same thing, so I can't fault anyone.

I was all, "You know, you've got a date tomorrow, as well as one on Sunday, and there's this other girl for next week, so you don't need to worry about responding to anyone else's message." But maybe that's silly. Everyone's hustling.
 
Assanova said:
And please stop it with that friends BS. You are not on a dating website to find friends. You go out there with that mentality and you will never be more than a friend. It looks weak and you will forever be that passive-aggressive guy that gets upset because your "friend" is getting sexed by some douchebag that you can't stand.

If you haven't heard of it, I highly recommend that you read a book called "Mode One: Let women know what you're REALLY thinking". It goes in depth about men who try to go at women with that friends angle.
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I feel like one of the people this was directed to was me. I'm not particularly attracted to a girl, I mean it that I make no effort to get into their pants don't cross the fine line STRICTLY as friends through actions. I'm genuinely out for friends if there's no chemistry and I don't want to burn my bridges. 95% of the time I move on though and have never stayed friends with any of the girls there was no chemistry with either from their end or mines. I'll look into that book to see what the gist of it is and if it sees things a fresh set of eyes on the dating lens that I haven't read elsewhere.

Met up with the girl yesterday and thought it went solid. She looked much better in person and was arrived roughly 20 later than me but notified me that was gonna be late since she was trying to find the place. To be fair, I got there a few minutes later than the initial meeting time only to arrive first. I felt like I was being scrutinized again since I'm in between worlds and it seemed like she looked through my answers pretty well that she brought up that I live at home with family with me ever mentioning it. I took it in stride and explained it a bit more clearly;she seemed satisfied but if it proved to be a deal breaker for her, then so be it. I was a bit nervous on it since it had been a month since I last saw someone. She was surprisingly enough a bit of a comic nerd which was cool.

It also turned out that she grew up with and maintains in regular contact with the guy who played Gareth on The Walking Dead the first half of last season which was pretty damn cool. As a whole, I thought it went all right that I followed up with her as soon as I got home but I might have talked a bit too much about myself as a downside. That's one lesson I still haven't learned too well.

The one caveat that might be working against me is that I won't have a proper functioning phone with cell phone service until another two to three weeks while I wait for my con work check to arrive. I've been speaking to her through OKC as a result. I was using a Wi-Fi based texting app before I changed this phone's OS to a different version.

Long story short: the Wi-Fi based texting app doesn't work on the current OS so I will have to change it back to the previous OS I was using in order to get working as a temporary fix until I get another used phone in the future. There's a web based version of the texting app that I can use in the mean time so if she replies favorably to my message, then I'll ask her for her number and text her from the web app.

And yeah, I'll have to echo the chorus in saying that drunk messaging girls tends to work. Wouldn't have met up with yesterday's girl otherwise if I didn't decide to go on a messaging streak while in said state. Response rate has been roughly 75% since some messages that I sent out were a bit self-sabotaging/brutally honest which were crass in retrospect. I don't condone deliberately getting drunk every time one logs into their online dating account since that would be a bit too much (unless you have a high alcohol tolerance) but if it's by happenstance from some other thing, then sure.
 
Aside from a few example most notably being the girl I had a date with on Tuesday, my Tinder game has been pretty weak the last few weeks. I had two awful dates this past weekend, and no convos really flowing this week. A bit of a slump.
 
Infinity Patriot said:
He's in his 30's, he's jacked, he's done cool shit (as listed in his profile), he makes good money, he's witty/funny with shit on there, etc. No way to even compare.
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Thanks, but you shouldn't see it as not being able to compare. Most of that stuff can be accomplished in just a short period of time, for example:

-I also have pics of when I was thin on there. The muscle you see is a result of three months of heavy lifting and bulking.

-I went back to school and almost doubled my income in about a year by researching in-demand career fields.

-Most people have done cool shit, especially if they lived on a college campus. You have been alive for over 20 years, so I am sure that you can think of a few cool things that you've done.

-Being witty/funny isn't all that easy, but you can sound that way if you actually sit down and think about what to put in your profile.

-I posted comments about pictures earlier in this thread. If you take as many pictures as I do, then you are bound to have a few good ones.
 
davepoobond said:
i feel like i'm trying to get blood from a stone here. i think it's mostly just funny at this point.
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My god. I've had friends like that, and they are the most infuriating people to talk to. Ever. I can't imagine dating someone without a sense of humor/the ability to pick up on sarcasm.

Llyranor said:
Answer with something like "Psych? I enjoy that show too. Which season are you at?"
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xD

Assanova said:
-Most people have done cool shit, especially if they lived on a college campus. You have been alive for over 20 years, so I am sure that you can think of a few cool things that you've done.
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On that note, even the most mundane sounding stuff to you can actually be quite interesting. Like, some things about me that I originally thought were 'meh' that were actually sorta cool to people:
-I lived in multiple places up and down the East Coast throughout my life (you'd be surprised at how many people never live their home town/state). Hell, even the fact that I'm from NY state and am not from NYC seems to boggle people's minds.
-I went on a trip to Quebec one time (the story's sorta fun because I don't know any French and someone called my friend a filthy American)
-I do some freelance writing
-Not exactly 'cool', but explaining my family tree is ridiculous and shows that I'm from a very redneck family (including married cousins!)
 
Assanova said:
Almost had a Sunday date set up a few minutes ago. Girl asked if I could meet her at church and I backed out of it.
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Oh hell no. Religious girls are an instant turn off for me. I don't need that forced guilt.


I am getting tired of trying to start conversations on tinder, should I just ask the girl out in my first message and see how that works. Getting to know someone through texting is the driest thing to me.
 
Alright, took the plunge and restarted my Tinder and left my 182 matches behind allocated since late January this year, mostly because I never ever use up my full swiping quota because I've already swiped on everyone. Result: flaked on twice, met six, dated three of them two months each. Let's see how it goes this time around. Considering getting premium just to be able to swipe a lot when the pool is still so large.
 
friday said:
Oh hell no. Religious girls are an instant turn off for me. I don't need that forced guilt.


I am getting tired of trying to start conversations on tinder, should I just ask the girl out in my first message and see how that works. Getting to know someone through texting is the driest thing to me.
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This is the second time that religion has come up with a girl when I had already put how I feel about it in my profile. It's as if they think I am going to change just to go on a date with them. I've also started asking girls out sooner and sooner. I am leaning towards either a girl likes me, or she doesn't. No point in wasting time chatting if it isn't going to go anywhere. Now, I ask a girl out within three or four text exchanges. I use to wait a day or two, but not anymore. My time is too important to me.
 
Assanova said:
This is the second time that religion has come up with a girl when I had already put how I feel about it in my profile. It's as if they think I am going to change just to go on a date with them. I've also started asking girls out sooner and sooner. I am leaning towards either a girl likes me, or she doesn't. No point in wasting time chatting if it isn't going to go anywhere. Now, I ask a girl out within three or four text exchanges. I use to wait a day or two, but not anymore. My time is too important to me.
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Agreed on all counts. The benefit of OKC, at least, is that anyone that's less than a 90% match with me is clearly religious or conservative. Plus, I can see their religious preference.

And yeah -- act like your time is valuable, 'cause it is. A date isn't even a big deal. It's meeting another person for an hour or two and seeing if anything's there. Treating it like anything more is a mistake.
 
gaiages said:
Look, what you guys don't understand is the potential danger of telling a guy no. It's downright stressful to think about. A girl that doesn't wanna date you is probably not gonna know you well enough to know how you're going to respond by saying no. There are some truly terrifying people that will some bad shit if they think they are slighted in some way. I would have loved to be more blunt to people when I was dating, but to be frank, as someone that lives completely alone, it simply wasn't worth the risk. I'm not gonna say that's 100% the reason girls act like that, some would do it regardless, but that's a factor mire often than you think.
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I'm not a girl, but I've heard this reasoning before, and I'd have to agree. Some people just don't take rejection. Just look at all the cases of domestic violence that occur.
 
I understand that too. I just hate how it comes about in dating. The bad apples out there have made communication between the sexes an arduous process in that regard. It's not fair, but I guess that's the fallout of violence.

As for my dating life, the woman I saw on Tuesday talked about how she may or may not got to Tahoe with her friends this weekend. I didn't ask her about that on Tuesday. It was an unsolicited bit of information from her. I didn't want to plan anything so soon after the first date, but there's a concert tomorrow night that would be fun to attend. She told me she can't make it because she'll be out of town. At least that matches up with what she hinted at during our first meeting. I'll wish her a good time and check back next week.
 
Starting to wonder if I should change my body type to 'athletic' instead of 'thin'. Some of you have seen what I look like. Would that be viable?
 
Reactivated Tinder after about two months. Got three numbers this week and all three seem to be dodging the idea of setting up a definite meeting time.

I remember why I deactivated in the first place.
 
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