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[Assanova]

When you can't figure a first message, what do you say?

I'm stuck.

Edit: tinder btw

I am not sure about tinder, but going by the other websites, if you can't easily figure out a first message, then don't send one. As I previously said, if the conversation doesn't flow naturally, then it will probably end in a dead-end, regardless of if you get a first date or not.

If you absolutely have to send a first message, then simply ask about how she spends her time, what she is looking for, or comment on a picture. If a girl likes you then it doesn't really matter what you ask her, as she will respond anyway and make it easy for you. And if you are not sure what to ask after the first message then exchange phone numbers or ask for a date. My default for when things slow down is to escalate, whether it is asking for a phone number, date, changing locations, going in for a kiss, etc.

 

[GK86]

When you can't figure a first message, what do you say?

I'm stuck.

Edit: tinder btw

1) Make up a question from one of their photos.
2) If that fails, something from their profile.
3) If that fails, a 'out-of-left-field' question (ex: aliens vs pirates, who wins?)

 

[friday]

My default is to ask about the cat or dog in one of their pictures if they have one. Girls love to talk about their animals, and I think they like it when a guy shows interest in that.

Also, though it sounds super plain, asking how their weekend or night is going can work sometimes.

 

[Gray Matter]

Made a remark about 2 things she listed on her bio about herself, worked. So far so good.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Had an impromptu date today with a girl I'd only briefly exchanged messages with - we shared pictures of the weekend and had a little back-and-forth, then decided to subvert dating conventions: I picked her up and we drove to a winery. Then, dinner. Then, she had to pee, so we stopped by her friends' place and hung out for a while ("This is AD, he's a random guy I met 4 hours ago!"). Then went to a neighborhood bar for a final drink.

... 8-hour marathon date. The physicality started midway through. She lent me a book when I dropped her off and walked her to her door. She's a Ph.D. student and blisteringly intelligent. Incredibly attractive. And she wants to come over and play Mario Kart 8. This actually has promise.

 

[Jason's Ultimatum]

I got cold feet on a date for tomorrow. Just wasn't feeling it. Holy shitsnacks she wasn't having it. Finally she takes it, said she feel felt I was the only guy on tinder where we had a lot in common, I make her laugh, yadayada.

I told her we can be friends and she said yes.


Good lord.

 

[Palpable]

Had an impromptu date today with a girl I'd only briefly exchanged messages with - we shared pictures of the weekend and had a little back-and-forth, then decided to subvert dating conventions: I picked her up and we drove to a winery. Then, dinner. Then, she had to pee, so we stopped by her friends' place and hung out for a while ("This is AD, he's a random guy I met 4 hours ago!"). Then went to a neighborhood bar for a final drink.

... 8-hour marathon date. The physicality started midway through. She lent me a book when I dropped her off and walked her to her door. She's a Ph.D. student and blisteringly intelligent. Incredibly attractive. And she wants to come over and play Mario Kart 8. This actually has promise.

I'm going to assume you get about 10 minutes in to Mario Kart before she wants you to stick it in her pooper.

 

[friday]

Mario Kart and chill?

 

[GK86]

Mario Kart and chill?

20 minutes into Mario kart and chill and he gives you luigideathstare.gif

 

[Assanova]

So, before I closed my Match account yesterday, I started talking to a girl several days ago. I gave her my number and she essentially went dark on me. No message, no text, nothing. Fast forward to today, and I get a random text message from her. She said she went to message me on Match, and saw that I closed my account. I now have a date set up with her for today. This is why you don't get desperate and message girls that have not responded to your last message. This is the second time in the past day or two that I had a girl message me out of the blue that went dark after my last message.

If I hit it off with her, and I think I will, it may complicate things. I'm now in a situation where there is more than one girl that I may potentially date exclusively. First world problems, right?

 

[Fallout-NL]

I lost track Assanova, you seem to be dating so many . Are there now two or three women that you're really interested in?

 

[Assanova]

I lost track Assanova, you seem to be dating so many . Are there now two or three women that you're really interested in?

Haha. Three, but I hope to have it down to one within two weeks.

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

Gonna send a message to setup a second date today. We couldn't meet up at a concert on Friday night since she was in Tahoe.
She mentioned Indian food on our first date and how a lot of other people don't like it (crazy folk), so I'm figuring out something to send her.

 

[Fallout-NL]

Haha. Three, but I hope to have it down to one within two weeks.

Haha, was wondering whether you did in fact have a goal in mind or that this was an ongoing thing .

 

[friday]

I got a date setup for tomorrow night, which feels good.

I don't know if this is a common tinder thing, but the app is just dead during the week and then starting like Thursday night/Friday morning I get matches all weekend long. Chatted with a few women, and got a date setup. I could probably ask this other girl, but I am not sure I am feeling it.

 

[Jokab]

I got a date setup for tomorrow night, which feels good.

I don't know if this is a common tinder thing, but the app is just dead during the week and then starting like Thursday night/Friday morning I get matches all weekend long. Chatted with a few women, and got a date setup. I could probably ask this other girl, but I am not sure I am feeling it.

Yeah people definitely use Tinder a lot more during the weekends.

 

[NoctisVsStar]

This might sound crazy but i think i saw some guy that looked like Jipan rocking a comic con shirt at the gym.

 

[Jokab]

So I'm still sort of dating and talking to this girl from my last Tinder round (I restarted because I was getting too few people, already swiped on everyone pretty much). She hadn't been online for 20 days so I figured she wouldn't even log in until we ended or something. Anyway, when swiping on my new round she appeared and I saw she had been online one hour ago. Swiped right for some reason, probably should have went with right. Though, we are already texting and have been for a while now, but haven't gone on many dates (two) because of school.

Should I mention the fact that I restarted my Tinder at all? I mean we do keep up our texting every day anyway. Since she was offline for 20 days I get the feeling she is the kind of person that dates exactly one person at a time, while I have no problem talking to several at the same time, and that she might feel weird about me deleting my account. I feel like I should say that this is the case, that I'm talking to other girls since nothing has happened between us yet (no kiss or anything at all). Is this a mistake?

 

[Jhoan]

This might sound crazy but i think i saw some guy that looked like Jipan rocking a comic con shirt at the gym.

Hahaha, oh that wasn't an illusion at all! If it was around 1PMish today, you did indeed spot me in the gym working out with a stocky Asian dude wearing glasses (a good friend of mines who lives in College Point that came up to the area as guest) neighborino. It's a small world after all. I'm wearing the Crew shirt right this moment! It's drawn its fair share of attention to it today from attractive women and other people.

Funny anecdote about that shirt that's related to dating: I was in the Starbucks on 181st and Ft. Washington with my friend when a girl came up to me to ask about it on "behalf of her friend" who wanted to know how I got it. I told her that I worked there; I guess they assumed I was performing there like some kind of play. It wasn't until 10 minutes later after they left that I realized that her friend was interested in me! I told my friend and he told me that he knew but didn't say anything. I need to bump that Most Clueless you've been to romantic advances thread to add this latest oblivious come on. Who knew that Starbucks was a good place to flirt with women? Good to know.

Any way, back on topic: the 30 year old that I went out with last year told me she didn't feel any chemistry to which I replied and told her that I didn't feel it either. We wished each other the best, told her if she ever wants to talk comics as platonic friends, to shoot me an email and that was that. I'm not mad at all since I felt like I was being interviewed throughout most of the conversation; it felt less like an organic conversation which is what normally happens on a date that goes well.

On the upside, I've been messaging a new girl with a couple of back and forths and have Halloween weekend to look forward to in regards to meeting people in person.

 

[Assanova]

I whittled down the field some before leaving work today. One girl was absolutely devastated that I didn't see a future with her, and the other hasn't read my message yet. I tried being as nice as possible about it. The other girl is probably going to be really hurt as well as she has been messaging me non-stop, although I rarely even respond to her and have been dodging another meeting with her.

The girl that I went out with tonight was really cool, but I think that I may need to go on a second date to get a real feel for her. She seems like she would be really fun to be around the more relaxed she gets.

Now for the bad news. I am taking a girl from last week to an event this weekend. I am sure that one of the girls I called it quits with will be there, and the girl that I went out with tonight will also be there. Should be an interesting night, that's for sure.

 

[NoctisVsStar]

Hahaha, oh that wasn't an illusion at all! If it was around 1PMish today, you did indeed spot me in the gym working out with a stocky Asian dude wearing glasses (a good friend of mines who lives in College Point that came up to the area as guest) neighborino. It's a small world after all.

Ahh good to know I'll come up and chit chat a bit next time cause I was like "nah that ain't him" lol also that Starbucks in Ft washington is filled with ladies you could always scoop one up and take them to Monkey Room, that's also around there.

I whittled down the field some before leaving work today. One girl was absolutely devastated that I didn't see a future with her, and the other hasn't read my message yet. I tried being as nice as possible about it. The other girl is probably going to be really hurt as well as she has been messaging me non-stop, although I rarely even respond to her and have been dodging another meeting with her.

The girl that I went out with tonight was really cool, but I think that I may need to go on a second date to get a real feel for her. She seems like she would be really fun to be around the more relaxed she gets.

Now for the bad news. I am taking a girl from last week to an event this weekend. I am sure that one of the girls I called it quits with will be there, and the girl that I went out with tonight will also be there. Should be an interesting night, that's for sure.

This sounds like a Spanish soap Opera episode in which the following scenarios happen:

A) you get slapped.
B) a drink is thrown on you and cursed out.
C) you're making out with the new girl, old girl sees you and runs.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I whittled down the field some before leaving work today. One girl was absolutely devastated that I didn't see a future with her, and the other hasn't read my message yet. I tried being as nice as possible about it. The other girl is probably going to be really hurt as well as she has been messaging me non-stop, although I rarely even respond to her and have been dodging another meeting with her.

The girl that I went out with tonight was really cool, but I think that I may need to go on a second date to get a real feel for her. She seems like she would be really fun to be around the more relaxed she gets.

Now for the bad news. I am taking a girl from last week to an event this weekend. I am sure that one of the girls I called it quits with will be there, and the girl that I went out with tonight will also be there. Should be an interesting night, that's for sure.

AD has competition.

 

[Professor Renegade]

Hey guys, I've been using OKC for a few years now with little to no success and I think I could use a critique of my profile. Could someone lend me a hand through a via pm? I don't really want to post my profile in public.

 

[Assanova]

Hey guys, I've been using OKC for a few years now with little to no success and I think I could use a critique of my profile. Could someone lend me a hand through a via pm? I don't really want to post my profile in public.

Send it my way.

 

[Jokab]

So I'm still sort of dating and talking to this girl from my last Tinder round (I restarted because I was getting too few people, already swiped on everyone pretty much). She hadn't been online for 20 days so I figured she wouldn't even log in until we ended or something. Anyway, when swiping on my new round she appeared and I saw she had been online one hour ago. Swiped right for some reason, probably should have went with right. Though, we are already texting and have been for a while now, but haven't gone on many dates (two) because of school.

Should I mention the fact that I restarted my Tinder at all? I mean we do keep up our texting every day anyway. Since she was offline for 20 days I get the feeling she is the kind of person that dates exactly one person at a time, while I have no problem talking to several at the same time, and that she might feel weird about me deleting my account. I feel like I should say that this is the case, that I'm talking to other girls since nothing has happened between us yet (no kiss or anything at all). Is this a mistake?

Anyone have thoughts on this? Feels like I should come up with a decision soon.

 

[Lulubop]

So yea, after whining about that date Friday I had an amazing date on Saturday with the girl I mentioned last week. We had a blast at barcade and then went back up to her place. Definitely looking like some real cuffing is going to be happening. Going to a Halloween thing with her and some of her friends this Saturday. I don't even have a costume yet.

Do you live in Washington Heights Jipan? Sorry, I forgot if it was up there or the BX. She's from the heights, PR and DR. Her and the last girl I messed with both live off the same stop, so I out there there a lot recently lol. Actually I been getting a ton of matches in Harlem as well, it's weird.

That Friday some girl message me and we talked for a bit. She was definitely looking to hook up, but I was already defeated.

That Saturday some girl message me a tongue out emoji at like 3 am, I message an Eggplant emoji back. After that she asked where I was, but I was at that girl's house. It's weird though because I had tried to start a convo with her before.

Some girl wants to watch the Mets game at the bar and then "snuggle" after. Not really feeling it, but mainly because I haven't been to work in awhile due to a broken arm and my money ain't looking too hot. Though I should be able to go back this week.

Judging from your last couple of posts, it could just be your confidence. I think that confidence can make you or break you on a date. Unless you had some kind of massive weight gain or loss, or you are the king of Instagram filters, it was probably your confidence that caused your date to not go so well tonight.

I definitely have sever confidence issues, and it's always the first thing I blame when something goes wrong. I don't take deceitful pictures and I do well on the overwhelming amount of my dates. I am a pretty boring, mellow, dry and too laid back for my own good kinda guy so I can see that as being a turn off. I just needa drunkenly vent sometimes I guess.

 

[Assanova]

It turns out that I was suppose to have another date yesterday as well. I guess I was suppose to contact her and set something up, but I never did. Miscommunication, I suppose.

Anyone have thoughts on this? Feels like I should come up with a decision soon.

Just a general rule of thumb, anytime that you are dealing with something negative, never bring it up unless she does, and if she does, be honest, don't drag on with your explanation, and quickly move on with the conversation.

 

[Jhoan]

FYI, for any discussion pertaining to NYC in general e.g. places, spotting GAF members in the wild, etc. so as not to get super off-topic can be redirected towards the NYC GAF thread because we have a cool community there for both out of townies and natives alike. Seriously, it's a cool thread so check it out folks! /thread suggestion

Although as it tends to be the case, folks inevitably end up talking about their areas which pertains to the topic at hand. It does go hand in hand with getting an idea of one's dating scene in their area or recommendations for places.

Back on topic: @Lulubop, in case you haven't figured it out (although I did mention it in the above thread as well!), I do. Gone out and chatted with a few girls from the area but they've been mostly Caucasian girls since that's what I like. I probably don't know them since I barely hang out in the area. One of the downsides to dating is that it can be financially draining which is why I stick to meeting at a Starbucks these days as opposed to a bar but then again, you like going to bars but maybe consider having two drinks tops or splitting because there's no shame in that. It's one of if not the main reason I'm taking it easy on the dating (cuffing season be damned since it can wait).

Speaking girls from my neighborhood, I had a Hispanic girl from the area lurk on my profile a few days ago but I'm not interested in her because when you see stuff like this listed on a woman's profile:

I am at this again, i have had mixed experiences with online dating.

In relationships i give my all, this is what i am looking for, a man who is ride or die...i dont think its too much to ask lol

5'11... I am a tall ass chick, some guys are intimidated by it lol and I have curves...I am what hispanics call a "mujeron"

If you are interested in getting to know who I am as a person and not just physically attracted to me....NO BOOTY CALLS... Do not address me as hun, sweetie, sweetheart or any other cliche names

It means she's full of herself, has unreasonably high standards, and is possibly a gold digger which I don't need in my life. When someone plays up their ethnicity card in an effort to try to make themselves seem exotic, you know they're not worth pursuing. I'm mostly Dominican (and of Cuban descent) but I don't let it define me as a person that I don't advertise it on my profile.

 

[friday]

Some highschooler who had her age set to 24 super liked me. She had her Instagram profile linked and there was a picture of her in a homecoming dress. At first I was thinking it was a throwback post, then I saw her profile just said "not 24"...fuck that.

Mega left swipe.

 

[Assanova]

FYI, for any discussion pertaining to NYC in general e.g. places, spotting GAF members in the wild, etc. so as not to get super off-topic can be redirected towards the NYC GAF thread because we have a cool community there for both out of townies and natives alike. Seriously, it's a cool thread so check it out folks! /thread suggestion

Although as it tends to be the case, folks inevitably end up talking about their areas which pertains to the topic at hand. It does go hand in hand with getting an idea of one's dating scene in their area or recommendations for places.

Back on topic: @Lulubop, in case you haven't figured it out (although I did mention it in the above thread as well!), I do. Gone out and chatted with a few girls from the area but they've been mostly Caucasian girls since that's what I like. I probably don't know them since I barely hang out in the area. One of the downsides to dating is that it can be financially draining which is why I stick to meeting at a Starbucks these days as opposed to a bar but then again, you like going to bars but maybe consider having two drinks tops or splitting because there's no shame in that. It's one of if not the main reason I'm taking it easy on the dating (cuffing season be damned since it can wait).

Speaking girls from my neighborhood, I had a Hispanic girl from the area lurk on my profile a few days ago but I'm not interested in her because when you see stuff like this listed on a woman's profile:







It means she's full of herself, has unreasonably high standards, and is possibly a gold digger which I don't need in my life. When someone plays up their ethnicity card in an effort to try to make themselves seem exotic, you know they're not worth pursuing. I'm mostly Dominican (and of Cuban descent) but I don't let it define me as a person that I don't advertise it on my profile.

Haha. She would have lost me at "ride or die". At times, I feel compelled to tell some of those girls how horrible their profiles are, but we all know that is a lost cause. The best was when a girl had five kids, blatantly said that she doesn't date guys of my ethnicity in her profile, and then proceeded to message me anyway. Absolutely amazing. I wonder what goes through their heads sometimes.

 

[Lulubop]

Tinder showing when you were last on is nothing but trouble, real talk.

 

[Jokab]

My Tinder reset is treating me both well and badly. I got Tinder plus for a month to just be able to swipe continuously when my pool is so large again, so I just swipe right on everyone without looking, then sort it out. So far I've matched with a girl that dumped me on bad terms after dating a while (we actually reconciled through chat now), and two girls that I went on first date with but then never got back to, oh and two girls that messaged me but that I just never responded to. What kinda impression do these girls have of me now lol.

Just a general rule of thumb, anytime that you are dealing with something negative, never bring it up unless she does, and if she does, be honest, don't drag on with your explanation, and quickly move on with the conversation.

Yeah good advice. In any case she just texted me to set up another date so I guess she either didn't notice or doesn't care (or cares but doesn't say anything).

 

[Quick]

I decided to try out OKCupid again. My last outing, I chatted with two girls, and that led nowhere. One of them wasn't down with meeting people IRL and the conversation just trailed off, while the other one was someone from high school, and all we really did was talk about what we did since high school. I closed the account since I really had no luck with anyone I started chatting with. My profile was also probably not great.

Anyway, I've been on it for almost a week now, and I have one like, and none of my likes like me back (I already feel silly having typed it out). I actually decided to pad my profile up this time. I've only really messaged a few girls, and decided to get really creative by just telling jokes.

Either I'm really unappealing appearance-wise, my profile just sucks, or both.

 

[Salamando]

I decided to try out OKCupid again. My last outing, I chatted with two girls, and that led nowhere. One of them wasn't down with meeting people IRL and the conversation just trailed off, while the other one was someone from high school, and all we really did was talk about what we did since high school. I closed the account since I really had no luck with anyone I started chatting with. My profile was also probably not great.

Anyway, I've been on it for almost a week now, and I have one like, and none of my likes like me back (I already feel silly having typed it out). I actually decided to pad my profile up this time. I've only really messaged a few girls, and decided to get really creative by just telling jokes.

Either I'm really unappealing appearance-wise, my profile just sucks, or both.

Post your profile. Alternatively, PM it to me. I'm no expert, but I know enough that I can get likes. And if you're not getting any in the first week, you're doing something wrong. When your profile's fresh is when you should be getting the most interest.

 

[Quick]

Post your profile. Alternatively, PM it to me. I'm no expert, but I know enough that I can get likes. And if you're not getting any in the first week, you're doing something wrong. When your profile's fresh is when you should be getting the most interest.

Yeah, I'd appreciate some feedback if you don't mind seeing it privately via PM.

I actually looked at my profile again and decided that maybe it's the pictures. I don't know. In any case, I'll PM it to you.

 

[Palpable]

Yeah, I'd appreciate some feedback if you don't mind seeing it privately via PM.

I actually looked at my profile again and decided that maybe it's the pictures. I don't know. In any case, I'll PM it to you.

Post it using the email tags & I'll take a look

 

[True Savior]

Tinder showing when you were last on is nothing but trouble, real talk.

True.

By far Tinder's worst feature.

Even the location , should only be noted while trying to match. Nobody needs to know if i am 3 or 10 km away from her when talking.

 

[NoctisVsStar]

Girl liked me I like her back, I send message no response despite her being online.. That tactic to see if you're thristy hah lol respond whenever you feel like.

 

[Palpable]

Girl liked me I like her back, I send message no response despite her being online.. That tactic to see if you're thristy hah lol respond whenever you feel like.

This is by far the most annoying thing about tinder

 

[Gray Matter]

Been having good conversations with a girl from tinder for 2 days now, I directly asked her on a date. I don't think she's interested in meeting up, however.

 

[NoctisVsStar]

Been having good conversations with a girl from tinder for 2 days now, I directly asked her on a date. I don't think she's interested in meeting up, however.

Some girls are more quicker than others you know the feel of such.

 

[Gray Matter]

Some girls are more quicker than others you know the feel of such.

Conversation has been going back and forth really well, so I won't give up entirely.

 

[1upsuper]

I've got a question for Online Dating-GAF. I'm a college student wanting to get more into the dating game, but I'm physically disabled and use a wheelchair. I'm not paralyzed, just not really ambulatory for a number of reasons. I spoke with my more outgoing friend about online dating who is also disabled and and he wasn't very positive about it. He seemed to think it just doesn't work well for disabled people. Obviously the best thing would be to just try it, but I was hoping to hear some immediate thoughts from some of you. Do you think the online dating scene is workable for the handicapable?

 

[Assanova]

I've got a question for Online Dating-GAF. I'm a college student wanting to get more into the dating game, but I'm physically disabled and use a wheelchair. I'm not paralyzed, just not really ambulatory for a number of reasons. I spoke with my more outgoing friend about online dating who is also disabled and and he wasn't very positive about it. He seemed to think it just doesn't work well for disabled people. Obviously the best thing would be to just try it, but I was hoping to hear some immediate thoughts from some of you. Do you think the online dating scene is workable for the handicapable?

I think it can work for everyone. There are all kinds of women out there and not all of them are shallow. Obviously, I am not in your situation, but I am a minority. According to all of those dating charts and statistics, minorities are not suppose to do well when it comes to online dating, yet I do much, much better than most non-minorities. The best advice I can give is to ignore what you can't control about yourself, and polish the assets that you do have.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Post it using the email tags & I'll take a look

Maybe he doesn't want lurkers viewing his profile?

Quick, PM it to me.

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

Another one bites the dust.

 

[Assanova]

Well, I think I am down to just one potential girlfriend. It is becoming obvious to me that the schedule of the other girl is not going to work with mine. She wants to go out next week, but I am just going to say "no". With the third girl, she is cool, but I am not really sure that we are the best match for each other.

I hope things work out wth the one girl, as I do not have the energy to keep going out on dates with new girls. Well, that, and I really like talking to her. She is really just fun to talk to and is always good for a laugh or two.

It is such a mental and time drain going out on dates. I am ready to just be settled and go back to my normal daily schedule.

 

[Salamando]

Maybe he doesn't want lurkers viewing his profile?

Quick, PM it to me.

Post it using the email tags & I'll take a look

Looked at it for him. His big problem - his pics were pretty terrible. The lead pic was grainy and hard to discern detail from. Couldn't tell where his body started/stopped, what hairstyle he rocks, or what his skintone was. The second one was just a face pic. Third, him with a goofy hairstyle.

No pics of him doing anything interesting/interacting with other humans/having fun with pets/being serious or seductive without looking sad, just pics of him smiling.

 

[friday]

Yeah, pictures rule this game.

 

[Palpable]

Well, I think I am down to just one potential girlfriend. It is becoming obvious to me that the schedule of the other girl is not going to work with mine. She wants to go out next week, but I am just going to say "no". With the third girl, she is cool, but I am not really sure that we are the best match for each other.

I hope things work out wth the one girl, as I do not have the energy to keep going out on dates with new girls. Well, that, and I really like talking to her. She is really just fun to talk to and is always good for a laugh or two.

It is such a mental and time drain going out on dates. I am ready to just be settled and go back to my normal daily schedule.

What a nice problem to have.