Stripper posts insane story on Twitter with more twists than a Shonda Rhimes script

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JDSN said:
Nah, if Good Ole Boy English Defense Force wants their sanitized version so it stands proudly among their Sonic fanfics and My Little Pony Dvds the "hoeism" part must be removed too. Maybe replace it by "The Free Love Spectrum" or something.
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RTYVL8m.jpg
 
Saw how long it was, decided not worth it to read, read GAF commentary, decided to stick it out to the end, worth every second.
 
If that was fiction, fuck me that girl can write a story.

If that was RL, fuck sake that's mental.

Either way it was well told. Perfect.

Haters be damned.
 
JDSN said:
Nah, if Good Ole Boy English Defense Force wants their sanitized version so it stands proudly among their Sonic fanfics and My Little Pony Dvds the "hoeism" part must be removed too. Maybe replace it by "The Free Love Spectrum" or something.
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LOL! bruh, you are catching bodies left and right... chiillllll.
 
JDSN said:
Its my second language and I got it all, and im an idiot. Pretending to not understand urban slang is a weird nerd tradition that I dont get, nerds drop Valyrian all the time, talk about their waifus and yaoi shit but when its time to know what is the meaning of "salty" in an obvious context, well they just need to let the world know they dont understand these weird black urban words.
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this is the realest post in this whole thread
 
ebullientprism said:
I cant believe people paid 500$ for that. :P
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I'll never understand paying for ass.

unless taking women out to eat with the expectation of getting some counts. uhhh...shit.

Einchy said:
Don't hate on Jess, she's fine as fuck.
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she isn't bad in those aftermath pics with the new fam at all. I wonder how the new hubby feels, as I'm sure he's seen this shit by now...

Sho_Nuff82 said:
I was thinking a video reenactment, with one woman voicing all of the characters like it's actually a story being told.
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OH SHIT WE NEED ONE OF THOSE KOREAN NEWS ANIMATION JOBS
 
His FIANCE unbuckled his pants and jess gets on her knees & starts sucking his dick IN FRONT OF JARRET AND I !!!!!! I was like YOOOOOOOOOO
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I laughed more than I should have. Brazzers is going to pick this up, for sure.
 
Alchemist said:
Crazy read. This isn't even her best story according to her timeline.
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Real talk, if you want a life full of crazy-as-fuck stories...get yourself some stripper friends. I had a few in college and maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

freeofgreed said:
Hmm maybe it is real....
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I had no doubt it was real at all based on my experiences with friends who were strippers and prostitutes.

Corronchilejano said:
I've a friend who prefers paying to having a gf, says its cheaper. We did the math, he was wrong, but not by much, so yes, I guess some people really enjoy that.
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Interesting.
 
I'll attempt to summarize this. Let me know if I've missed anything.

- Aziah (the woman writing this) works as a waitress at Hooters. One day, she strikes up a conversation with a woman named Jessica and an unnamed black man, who she refers to as her sugar daddy. They bond over their "hoeism" and exchange numbers. The next day, Jessica calls Aziah and invites her to go to Florida with her, her boyfriend Jarrett and a roommate.
- Aziah is confused, but decides to go because she made a lot of money the last time she went down. She packs her "best stripper gear" and has sex with her boyfriend before leaving.
- The car ride is uneventful and the group arrives in Tampa. A different black man (who's also a pimp) tells the group he's going to visit his fiancee, but intends to set them up in a hotel before he leaves. The group arrives at a Four Seasons, and despite Aziah's hesitation after seeing prostitutes and their pimps outside, agree to settle there for the night.
- Jessica leaves Jarrett in a hotel room and takes Aziah with her to a nearby club, where they perform as strippers. Aziah is confused by the strip club's... conservative dress code, but goes anyway and makes $800.
- Jessica meets the pimp and exchanges numbers with him. She insinuates that Aziah is being pimped out by Jarrett, and the pimp asks both of them if they want to "trap" (turn tricks). Jessica tells the pimp that she's not going to turn tricks in Jarrett's room because he's still there. The group goes to another hotel on the other side of town and rents a room.
- Jessica begins to cry and tells Aziah to help check the clients in. Aziah watches as a fat white man enters and has his way with Jessica. Afterwards, Aziah tells her that she's lowballing herself, and could easily get thousands instead of hundreds for turning tricks. To that end, Aziah sets up a Backpage account and lists Jessica's rates and services.
- Aziah begins to act as a point-person for Jessica, and they make $5,500 over the course of several hours. Jarrett calls afterwards and yells at Jessica for not coming back to the hotel room, then yells at Aziah for lying about their whereabouts.
- Several hours later, the pimp returns and Jessica blurts out the amount of money they made. The pimp is impressed and pockets the $5,500, but gives Aziah $500 before they leave.
- Aziah and Jess go back to Jarrett's room, where he is talking with a black man with dreadlocks. The pimp chastizes Jarrett and tells Jessica to get back to work, while promoting Aziah to the role of a "madam" who will check in clients. Jarrett figures out that Jessica has been prostituting and cries as a result. Aziah leaves the arguing group and goes to relax by the hotel's pool.
- The pimp calls her on a "trap phone" he previously gave her, and asks her to handle all the outcalls that night for Jessica. Upon learning what Jessica is going to do, Jarrett starts crying again. He threatens to kill himself if Jessica goes out prostituting again, then posts the racy photos from Jessica's Backpage ad on Facebook. Jessica learns that her mother saw the photos and is having a breakdown.
- The pimp comes back to the room and tells Jarrett to remove the status updates, then pulls out a handgun to threaten him. He eventually has Jarrett sit in front of him while he has sex with Jessica. Aziah watches all of this. The pimp leaves with his fiancee, and tells Aziah to handle Jess' calls that night, and leaves behind his handgun for her to use if anything violent happens.
- The henpecked Jarrett ends up driving Jessica to 4 clients' addresses and waits while she does her work. Aziah realizes that Jarrett is bipolar during this time.
- The last client Aziah and Jess go to starts arguing over money and say they requested two girls for the night. The men end up snatching Jessica and closing the door to the room. Aziah flees from the hotel, and discovers that Jarrett went to the gas station to get a drink. She tells him what happened and they end up calling the pimp, who quickly drives to the hotel.
- The pimp takes back the handgun, goes to the room and knocks on the door. When the men inside open the door, everyone realizes that one of them is the same man Jarrett was hanging out and smoking weed with earlier that day. The pimp motions for them to stay hidden and goes inside, where the men tell him that Jess was stealing their business, and so they tied her up and knocked her out.
- When the pimp's attempt to negotiate with them fails, gunshots erupt and the pimp runs out with Jess' body over his shoulder. Everyone flees from the hotel and drives away. After they leave, the pimp reveals to Aziah that he shot one of the men in the face when they tried to reach for a gun.
- Everyone decides to leave Florida, but the pimp tells Jarrett that Jess will need to stay and go hooking for a couple more days. Jarrett punches himself in response to this, then tries to kill himself by jumping off the balcony of their 4th floor hotel room. He goes over the railing, but gets his pants caught on the edge and becomes stuck. The pimp pulls him back in and slaps him repeatedly before dragging him to the vehicle and buckling him in.
- Jess stays behind while Aziah and Jarrett take a plane back to Detroit. Her boyfriend is understandably confused when they arrive, and she explains what happened. They drop Jarrett back at his home.
- Four days later, Jess calls Aziah and reveals that she and the pimp were busted while hooking in Las Vegas. Jess then tells her that the pimp was wanted for kidnapping 15 girls and being wanted for 6 murders. Jess asks her to call Jarrett to bail her out, but Aziah refuses and hangs up.
- She finds out later that the pimp got life in prison. Jessica claimed to the police that she and Jarrett were victimized by him, thus getting her charges dropped.
 
Welp, that is extremely entertaining.

I feel like stories like this could be part of some kind of "Drunk History"-esque show where people with stories like this narrate and a bunch of comedians act it out.

Comedy Central... I'll take 5% off the top for the concept.
 
crazyrabbits said:
I'll attempt to summarize this. Let me know if I've missed anything.

- Aziah (the woman writing this) works as a waitress at Hooters. One day, she strikes up a conversation with a woman named Jessica and an unnamed black man, who she refers to as her sugar daddy. They bond over their "hoeism" and exchange numbers. The next day, Jessica calls Aziah and invites her to go to Florida with her, her boyfriend Jarrett and a roommate.
- Aziah is confused, but decides to go because she made a lot of money the last time she went down. She packs her "best stripper gear" and has sex with her boyfriend before leaving.
- The car ride is uneventful and the group arrives in Tampa. The unnamed black man tells the group he's going to visit his fiancee, but intends to set them up in a hotel before he leaves. The group arrives at a Four Seasons, and despite Aziah's hesitation after seeing prostitutes and their pimps outside, agree to settle there for the night.
- Jessica leaves Jarrett in a hotel room and takes Aziah with her to a nearby club, where they perform as strippers. Aziah is confused by the strip club's... conservative dress code, but goes anyway and makes $800.
- Jessica meets the same black man and exchanges numbers with him. She insinuates that Aziah is being pimped out by Jarrett, and the man asks both of them if they want to "trap" (turn tricks). Jessica tells the man that she's not going to turn tricks in Jarrett's room because he's still there. The group goes to another hotel on the other side of town and rents a room.
- Jessica begins to cry and tells Aziah to help check the clients in. Aziah watches as a fat white man enters and has his way with Jessica. Afterwards, Aziah tells her that she's lowballing herself, and could easily get thousands instead of hundreds for turning tricks. To that end, Aziah sets up a Backpage account and lists Jessica's rates and services.
- Aziah begins to act as a point-person for Jessica, and they make $5,500 over the course of several hours. Jarrett calls afterwards and yells at Jessica for not coming back to the hotel room, then yells at Aziah for lying about their whereabouts.
- Several hours later, the black man returns and Jessica blurts out the amount of money they made. The man is impressed and pockets the $5,500, but gives Aziah $500 before they leave.
- Aziah and Jess go back to Jarrett's room, where he is talking with a pimp. Said pimp chastizes Jarrett and tells Jessica to get back to work, while promoting Aziah to the role of a "madam" who will check in clients. Jarrett figures out that Jessica has been prostituting and cries as a result. Aziah leaves the arguing group and goes to relax by the hotel's pool.
- The pimp calls her on a "trap phone" he previously gave her, and asks her to handle all the outcalls that night for Jessica. Upon learning what Jessica is going to do, Jarrett starts crying again. He threatens to kill himself if Jessica goes out prostituting again, then posts the racy photos from Jessica's Backpage ad on Facebook. Jessica learns that her mother saw the photos and is having a breakdown.
- The pimp comes back to the room and tells Jarrett to remove the status updates, then pulls out a handgun to threaten him. He eventually has Jarrett sit in front of him while he has sex with Jessica. Aziah watches all of this. The pimp leaves with his fiancee, and tells Aziah to handle Jess' calls that night, and leaves behind his handgun for her to use if anything violent happens.
- The henpecked Jarrett ends up driving Jessica to 4 clients' addresses and waits while she does her work. Aziah realizes that Jarrett is bipolar during this time.
- The last client Aziah and Jess go to starts arguing over money and say they requested two girls for the night. The men end up snatching Jessica and closing the door to the room. Aziah flees from the hotel, and discovers that Jarrett went to the gas station to get a drink. She tells him what happened and they end up calling the pimp, who quickly drives to the hotel.
- The pimp takes back the handgun, goes to the room and knocks on the door. When the men inside open the door, everyone realizes that one of them is the same man Jarrett was hanging out and smoking weed with earlier that day. The pimp motions for them to stay hidden and goes inside, where the men tell him that Jess was stealing their business, and so they tied her up and knocked her out.
- When the pimp's attempt to negotiate with them fails, gunshots erupt and the pimp runs out with Jess' body over his shoulder. Everyone flees from the hotel and drives away. After they leave, the pimp reveals to Aziah that he shot one of the men in the face when they tried to reach for a gun.
- Everyone decides to leave Florida, but the pimp tells Jarrett that Jess will need to stay and go hooking for a couple more days. Jarrett punches himself in response to this, then tries to kill himself by jumping off the balcony of their 4th floor hotel room. He goes over the railing, but gets his pants caught on the edge and becomes stuck. The pimp pulls him back in and slaps him repeatedly before dragging him to the vehicle and buckling him in.
- Jess stays behind while Aziah and Jarrett take a plane back to Detroit. Her boyfriend is understandably confused when they arrive, and she explains what happened. They drop Jarrett back at his home.
- Four days later, Jess calls Aziah and reveals that she and the pimp were busted while hooking in Las Vegas. Jess then tells her that the pimp was wanted for kidnapping 15 girls and being wanted for 6 murders. Jess asks her to call Jarrett to bail her out, but Aziah refuses and hangs up.
- She finds out later that the pimp got life in prison. Jessica claimed to the police that she and Jarrett were victimized by him, thus getting her charges dropped.
Click to expand...

You summary is longer than the story

damn.png
 
JDSN said:
Its my second language and I got it all, and im an idiot. Pretending to not understand urban slang is a weird nerd tradition that I dont get, nerds drop Valyrian all the time, talk about their waifus and yaoi shit but when its time to know what is the meaning of "salty" in an obvious context, well they just need to let the world know they dont understand these weird black urban words.
Click to expand...

Perfect.


Anyway, hope she has legal and physical protection. Stuff keeps blowing up, she's gonna need somebody to help her.
 
Finally got around to reading all this. Wow. Great storytelling as it kept me hooked all the way through although the entire thing is just so fucked up.
 
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