Thanks for the compliments and suggestions! I know I would have an easier time with short hair and my hair looks good combed to the side, but I have really been enjoying growing it out. I have actually kinda hit an awkward period between shoulder length and chest length that is probably going to last for a while, but I want to grow my hair down to my nips.
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
- Start date
- Status
I met a girl at a party, she's a friend of a friend, should I add her on facebook or is that weird. I'm going to another party where she's going to be in ten days. Would it be weird if I asked my friend for permission? i don't want to be a creep
Also how do you guys do when you live far from where you party, besides having a car. I had to leave at midnight because otherwise I'd be without public transportation.
Also how do you guys do when you live far from where you party, besides having a car. I had to leave at midnight because otherwise I'd be without public transportation.
1) It's weird if you make it weird. Might be a bit weird. But if you do it, own it and don't appear creepy. Don't ask your friend. But since you're meeting her in 10 days anyway, just ask for her number there and skip the whole facebook BS.
2) Taxi/uber, or get a lift from a buddy from the party.
2) Taxi/uber, or get a lift from a buddy from the party.
Man I really fucked up, they started dancing right after we left (me and two friends)? I kind of wish they'd start earlier than midnight though
i so fed up with missing oppurtunities like these, jesus, it's like I can't do anything right, always making the wrong decisions...
i so fed up with missing oppurtunities like these, jesus, it's like I can't do anything right, always making the wrong decisions...
I don't even know what you're trying to say. Who started dancing?
Getting back into OKCupid. Finally repopulated with some new profiles so i'm not seeing the same girls over and over again.
Slow going though.
My POF profile remains badly neglected, but i'll start it up again once i run OKC dry. I've had better luck there so far.
Having a real job has to help with my appeal, i'd think.
Slow going though.
My POF profile remains badly neglected, but i'll start it up again once i run OKC dry. I've had better luck there so far.
Having a real job has to help with my appeal, i'd think.
Banjo-Kazooie
Member
Pretty much this lol
the party.
Just regretting leaving "early" i guess, it's the first party ive been to, and i left when it was going to get fun, so im pretty down on myself right now.
Do it.
ZackieChan
Member
I don't get that reference
it's just depressing as hell you come home, log on facebook and people say "you guys shouldn't have left, we danced like crazy" im like fuuuuuuuuuck me.
ZackieChan
Member
I don't get that reference
it's just depressing as hell you come home, log on facebook and people say "you guys shouldn't have left, we danced like crazy" im like fuuuuuuuuuck me.
Then buy a car or something. Fix the problem, don't just get depressed about it.
are you guys never depressed lol
I know how to fix the problem (call a taxi/the likes) still feeling a bit regretful over last night, that's all.
ZackieChan
Member
It's fine. That wasn't the vibe I was getting from your last few posts. I'm feeling like you're stuck in a mode where you need answers and validation over every little thing , when you should be like Shia Lebouf's Do It video!
I may be back in dating pool
Gf of over a year is deciding if she is gonna be moving to Tennessee (we both live in Oregon) in a few weeks...I will not be moving with her if she does
I sad...so sad
It happened 3 hours ago
I was going to spend the night with her. When I got there, she kissed me, and said "have a seat we need to talk". I refused (to sit). She said she is depressed, not happy doing anything, or being anyone. She says she needs to find herself and that I can't be apart of that. When we 1st started dating, she had a huge sex drive...now we had sex like twice in the last 3 months. She says she is mad at me and takes her anger out on me and that it isn't fair.
She won't let me help her get back on her feet. She says she still loves me, but yeah...
I sad
I get to take her stuff back to her in 10 hours...yay
ZackieChan
Member
Sorry to hear that, man. But it sounds like kind of a bad relationship. Maybe this is a good thing for you?
It happened 3 hours ago
I was going to spend the night with her. When I got there, she kissed me, and said "have a seat we need to talk". I refused (to sit). She said she is depressed, not happy doing anything, or being anyone. She says she needs to find herself and that I can't be apart of that. When we 1st started dating, she had a huge sex drive...now we had sex like twice in the last 3 months. She says she is mad at me and takes her anger out on me and that it isn't fair.
She won't let me help her get back on her feet. She says she still loves me, but yeah...
I sad
I get to take her stuff back to her in 10 hours...yay
Fuck, stay strong dude. Looks like her mind wasn't in the right place for a relationship anymore. Probably for the better.
Can't you pull an all-nighter?
It's a problem I encounter often as well. I can't use public transport during those hours and I can't use a car because alcohol. I usually party until I can use public transport again.
Not sure how long it's been since I last posted, but here's where i'm at. Bit of a tl;dr at the beginning.
- Started dating 9+ months ago, known her for years
- She's been on a lease with her ex
- Has a roommate and because of this they still sleep in the same room. They get along well enough, but don't date or do anything past that.
- Been dealing with it as a situational thing, but has caused rifts in our relationship. (Jealousy, distrust, etc.)
- Broke things off a month+ ago because we'd been arguing a lot and things hit a breaking point. Tried patching it up.
Things got weird around here. One night we made plans to hang out with friends the next. Came over and found out she'd made plans with some coworkers to go out later, and I saw she'd renewed the lease in the current living situation (9 more months) saying she can't afford living on her own (true) and extended because we were in the middle of a rough spot. Got stressed with all this and after an awkward dinner I told her it wasn't working out and we need to stop before we end up hating each other.
Got a text from an ex of mine i'd been friends with for a long time asking if I wanted to go out downtown and took her up on it; went as friends and danced around. Sure enough, the girl i'm writing about shows up with her coworkers. At that point things were set in stone that we weren't gonna work it out. Started up the dating stuff and went on a few in the span of a couple weeks after this went down. They went well, though I never felt any sort of spark. And then here's a funny thing.. The girl all this is about shows up on okcupid and we're a 97% match.
Maybe ~2 weeks ago now she messages me; had a dream about me and you can probably guess what happens next. Disabled the dating accounts and we hashed things out one night. Say's she'll break her lease and move in with some friends over the coming months if we aren't at a point where we feel like living together. (Mine's up come August)
Hoping that it's all gonna work but this isn't easy. One issue thats been dogging me is it's like a secret that we're seeing each other; doesn't want everyone to know what's up until she's out of her living situation, so i'm holding onto whats been said in private. Along with that she runs an NSFW blog and enjoys the attention which I understand and am okay with, but it did feed into some of my distrust.
Idk what advice, if any you all can offer me. Honestly writing this helps keep things in perspective a bit better at the very least.
- Started dating 9+ months ago, known her for years
- She's been on a lease with her ex
- Has a roommate and because of this they still sleep in the same room. They get along well enough, but don't date or do anything past that.
- Been dealing with it as a situational thing, but has caused rifts in our relationship. (Jealousy, distrust, etc.)
- Broke things off a month+ ago because we'd been arguing a lot and things hit a breaking point. Tried patching it up.
Things got weird around here. One night we made plans to hang out with friends the next. Came over and found out she'd made plans with some coworkers to go out later, and I saw she'd renewed the lease in the current living situation (9 more months) saying she can't afford living on her own (true) and extended because we were in the middle of a rough spot. Got stressed with all this and after an awkward dinner I told her it wasn't working out and we need to stop before we end up hating each other.
Got a text from an ex of mine i'd been friends with for a long time asking if I wanted to go out downtown and took her up on it; went as friends and danced around. Sure enough, the girl i'm writing about shows up with her coworkers. At that point things were set in stone that we weren't gonna work it out. Started up the dating stuff and went on a few in the span of a couple weeks after this went down. They went well, though I never felt any sort of spark. And then here's a funny thing.. The girl all this is about shows up on okcupid and we're a 97% match.
Maybe ~2 weeks ago now she messages me; had a dream about me and you can probably guess what happens next. Disabled the dating accounts and we hashed things out one night. Say's she'll break her lease and move in with some friends over the coming months if we aren't at a point where we feel like living together. (Mine's up come August)
Hoping that it's all gonna work but this isn't easy. One issue thats been dogging me is it's like a secret that we're seeing each other; doesn't want everyone to know what's up until she's out of her living situation, so i'm holding onto whats been said in private. Along with that she runs an NSFW blog and enjoys the attention which I understand and am okay with, but it did feed into some of my distrust.
Idk what advice, if any you all can offer me. Honestly writing this helps keep things in perspective a bit better at the very least.
D
Deleted member 594614
Unconfirmed Member
Every flag is their that everyone here is gonna tell you to run.
As someone who has fallen in love with a "I should run" female I'm not gonna help much lol
I know what your going through tho on some level. An image of some fairy tale ending and all thats standing in its way is all her problems and inability to get her shit together and notice what she has in front of her before you finally crack and give up.
Have you fallen in love with her? You must have to be willing to deal with all this.
Miles Quaritch
Member
NSFW blog. You mean she cams or posts suggestive pics of herself/others?
It's not weird she wants to keep things quiet, but I wouldn't have disabled any dating accounts until things were actually moving forward in a direction I wanted them to. You're hanging on some words that mean literally nothing right now and could be missing out on meeting someone better, but that's just me.
It's not weird she wants to keep things quiet, but I wouldn't have disabled any dating accounts until things were actually moving forward in a direction I wanted them to. You're hanging on some words that mean literally nothing right now and could be missing out on meeting someone better, but that's just me.
Yeah, i'm pretty well aware - and I suppose I must have if it's still going after all this. I did read those articles that were posted previously about toxic relationships and we hit most of the points they go over, and realistically.. I don't know if anything has really changed for her. Here's hoping, but even tonight - she's away at a convention and pretty much ignored my message asking what's up. Puts a bitter taste in my mouth, but don't wanna blow up over something dumb.
Just herself. And when we hashed things out she'd said she hadn't dated anyone else and got jealous when I said i'd already been on a few. We agreed on just seeing each other; took her word for it.
Miles Quaritch
Member
How old is she?
And hasn't dated at all but runs a NSFW blog? I know one doesn't suggest anything about the other, but that seems weird to me. People who visit her blog don't send her gifts/try to meet?
And hasn't dated at all but runs a NSFW blog? I know one doesn't suggest anything about the other, but that seems weird to me. People who visit her blog don't send her gifts/try to meet?
She's around my age (i'm 24)
And didn't date but she's got friends to hang out with and others who've asked. She's got a type, and I fit the bill all too well for better or worse lol.
As always it doesn't feel like it at the moment...its 10 am and I got the water works going...after last night just being in shock and denial. It's the grieving stage and I get to go see her in 2 hours
It just feels shitty that I supported her (after 3 months she lost her job and her place), then for a whole year I supporter her...she finally got a job about a month ago, and when things were looking up, she tells me this.
Same thing happened with my last ex...lost her job 7 months into the relationship, I support her emotionally and financially (for 6 months)...then 2 weeks after she gets a job, she goes back to one of her kid's dad
I just feel like there is something seriously wrong with me
Thank you both for the support and rest of gaf who have answered my calls from relationship woes
D
Deleted member 594614
Unconfirmed Member
Well, I know Im suppose to run from my girl of 8 months...but I still havent!
Right now I'm sitting on the fact that I got nosey and FB-detectived her and found her Ex-long term BF.
The same one I told her I was tired of always hearing about. Even tho he kicked her out 4-5 years ago, is married now (to the girl he left her for) she still lets almost every convo go back to a story about him/thing between them.
Last straw was a few weeks back when she heard a guy arguing with her neighbor and hopped out of bed at 3am to see what it was. I asked "what are you doing" and she said "Sorry, sounded just like my Ex!"
When I said "After 8 months together, Im tired hearing about him ans stories about you guys"
Her response was "Deal with it, its part of my history"
Shit settled down for like a week but like clockwork I mentioned something and she went right into a story about that same subject concerning him.
Just this past Tue/Wed when we hung out I counted 2 Ex stories Tue night then 3 Wed night and a nice long drawn out one before bed.
I told her its clear that even after 5 years shes still not over him. She told me it was offensive for me to say that cause "why wouldnt I be over someone who mentally abused me!"
Longstory short..she lived with this dude for 3 years and he was banging chicks behind her back all the time...underage girls even.
He used the "Shaggy Defense", you know, "Wasnt me"...and she ate it up. Basically having no wheres to go, and in hardcore love with this dude she just stuck around and watched it go down over a few years. It happend to the point to which he convinced her she was crazy and she seeked therapy and meds.
Kicker to this all...she found texts messages, emails, etc.. he was in a car accident and the police report listed another "occupant"
And what does she say to me about this "Im still not sure I just wasnt really crazy"
She says its a chicken or the egg situation..did he cheat, or did her behavior force him. Saying also accepting what he did means she really allowed it too happen.
So 5 years later, all the clear evidence one can see...she still makes excuses for him. Plus, tbh, I think theirs more to this story anyway.
Its pretty clear, from what I pieced together, she had her head on straight prior to this breakup. Dude shit on her, kicked her to the curb and she went mental, still is mental, and her 3 years of wild behavior, inability to not be distant at times, etc.. alls stem from him and her carrying a torch for him (little or not, I can tell). This relationship burned her bad for life and even after 5 years Im not sure shes past it enough to offer me the type of relationship I deserve.
And, I should have never FB stalked the dude..not only did I have to deal with all that shit in my face but I figured out..
1. The neighborhood she lives in, the place she moved to 2 years ago..he lives like 3 blocks away. Kiiiiiinda stalky imo.
2. He looks EXACTLY like me...but..a better version, ugh...
3. Dude is a fucking dreamboat. Cool panty dropper job not to mention singing and writing songs on his acoustic guitar and putting them up on FB/Soundcloud/Youtube.
At this point I wanna fuck him, fall in love with him and pine away for him for the next 10 years.
Feel as if Im the closes placeholder to her actually having him but I only get part of her cause the other part is still stuck on him. I'm willing to bet he thinks shes a psycho/stalker and Im willig to bet she dreams of a day he swoops back into her life.
Right now I'm sitting on the fact that I got nosey and FB-detectived her and found her Ex-long term BF.
The same one I told her I was tired of always hearing about. Even tho he kicked her out 4-5 years ago, is married now (to the girl he left her for) she still lets almost every convo go back to a story about him/thing between them.
Last straw was a few weeks back when she heard a guy arguing with her neighbor and hopped out of bed at 3am to see what it was. I asked "what are you doing" and she said "Sorry, sounded just like my Ex!"
When I said "After 8 months together, Im tired hearing about him ans stories about you guys"
Her response was "Deal with it, its part of my history"
Shit settled down for like a week but like clockwork I mentioned something and she went right into a story about that same subject concerning him.
Just this past Tue/Wed when we hung out I counted 2 Ex stories Tue night then 3 Wed night and a nice long drawn out one before bed.
I told her its clear that even after 5 years shes still not over him. She told me it was offensive for me to say that cause "why wouldnt I be over someone who mentally abused me!"
Longstory short..she lived with this dude for 3 years and he was banging chicks behind her back all the time...underage girls even.
He used the "Shaggy Defense", you know, "Wasnt me"...and she ate it up. Basically having no wheres to go, and in hardcore love with this dude she just stuck around and watched it go down over a few years. It happend to the point to which he convinced her she was crazy and she seeked therapy and meds.
Kicker to this all...she found texts messages, emails, etc.. he was in a car accident and the police report listed another "occupant"
And what does she say to me about this "Im still not sure I just wasnt really crazy"
She says its a chicken or the egg situation..did he cheat, or did her behavior force him. Saying also accepting what he did means she really allowed it too happen.
So 5 years later, all the clear evidence one can see...she still makes excuses for him. Plus, tbh, I think theirs more to this story anyway.
Its pretty clear, from what I pieced together, she had her head on straight prior to this breakup. Dude shit on her, kicked her to the curb and she went mental, still is mental, and her 3 years of wild behavior, inability to not be distant at times, etc.. alls stem from him and her carrying a torch for him (little or not, I can tell). This relationship burned her bad for life and even after 5 years Im not sure shes past it enough to offer me the type of relationship I deserve.
And, I should have never FB stalked the dude..not only did I have to deal with all that shit in my face but I figured out..
1. The neighborhood she lives in, the place she moved to 2 years ago..he lives like 3 blocks away. Kiiiiiinda stalky imo.
2. He looks EXACTLY like me...but..a better version, ugh...
3. Dude is a fucking dreamboat. Cool panty dropper job not to mention singing and writing songs on his acoustic guitar and putting them up on FB/Soundcloud/Youtube.
At this point I wanna fuck him, fall in love with him and pine away for him for the next 10 years.
Feel as if Im the closes placeholder to her actually having him but I only get part of her cause the other part is still stuck on him. I'm willing to bet he thinks shes a psycho/stalker and Im willig to bet she dreams of a day he swoops back into her life.
I would say you need firmer boundaries. Don't financially help someone you are dating for just a few months. Even if they ask you. Not having proper boundaries is relationship poison.
AHealy edit: Dude, you know what everyone is gonna say. I guess you just need somewhere to vent...
D
Deleted member 594614
Unconfirmed Member
I know..I vent everything I say to you guys to her. Maybe not as specific (like I'm not gonna say I FB stalked dude and made some of these conclusion through intuition) but I straight up said "You talk about him to much and I think you arent over him" and she deflects everything I say. Everything Ive told you guys Ive relayed to her maybe at 90% of what I say here...and while it seems like you guys get it she thinks I'm picking fights, being insecure, Im the crazy one etc..
Funny how you guys see it, I see it, but she doesnt.
Even after doing all this detect work the last few days and using my gut to piece the puzzle together other things make sense.
The hidden FB picture album from 2007-2010..the one she keeps cause shes "to lazy to just put on a disc/get rid off etc.."
Its the time she lived with him..its.basically thousands of pics of him, him and her, that time...she clearly cant let it go.
I think Im clearly at odds with a memory..my "other guy" is married with a beautiful wife living 3 blocks away from my GF and wants nothing to do with her.
Id rather deal with a real person then an obsession she clearly has.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
AHealy, what exactly do you want? You keep posting shit and doing stupid shit yourself (fb stalking? Seriously?) and you refuse to change anything. As much as you put her down for being obsessed with someone, you know this is a shitty relationship and you should have ended it ages ago and yet you chase after her like she does her ex. You two act the same.
Banjo-Kazooie
Member
Dude..
ZackieChan
Member
What would the real T-Dawg do?
Some of us have done worse. Hell, Ahealy gave you advice that he clearly isn't taking himself. But he was right. This is bad news.
I had some success getting numbers (Line adds, actually) in a Tokyo bar tonight. Had a great time. Met awesome people. Went by myself but ended up with a group of 4. Sometimes being a fish out of water is what you need.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Yeah, have to agree with the whole too much drama aspect. The age is also something I'd throw some caution towards too.
Some people are beyond help. You know what we're going to say, if you're looking for somewhere to vent maybe set up a live journal page or something. You refuse to take advice and it's getting to the point where replying is becoming pointless because we know you're not going to listen or at least take any advice given under consideration.
I probably shouldn't...i just feel shitty if I don't help that person out, if I can.
What would the real T-Dawg do?
Some of us have done worse. Hell, Ahealy gave you advice that he clearly isn't taking himself. But he was right. This is bad news.
I had some success getting numbers (Line adds, actually) in a Tokyo bar tonight. Had a great time. Met awesome people. Went by myself but ended up with a group of 4. Sometimes being a fish out of water is what you need.
I've tried going out by myself, it just does not happen.
That's why I like okcupid, you can't get the excuse of oh I'm not looking, or I have a bf. Plus you can read about them, see what they like...etc...
I gave her 24 hours (I told her) to change her mind, after that, I'm just gonna block her on fb, and move on on Monday
I just saw her about an hour ago. Doesn't seem like she will. Oh well
Miles Quaritch
Member
You feeling like shit is what others bank on when they ask for financial help. Don't do it, it will change the dynamic of the relationship and set a precedent that will come back to bite you in the ass later.
She didn't even ask for it...I offered
I guess it just feels weird not to help someone you love
It has bitten me twice
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
It's been people you know for a couple months though... It's not like they were long term relationships when you took it upon yourself to support them financially.
Miles Quaritch
Member
You can love someone so deeply you feel empty when they aren't around, but never involve money into this dynamic.
If they can't support themselves financially, it's not your job to do it for them. They are adults, it's their responsibility. Honestly, I could never date someone who wasn't financially stable, too much hassle and makes them unreliable to have a serious relationship with.
It's hard not to...they both were completely fine, but both lost their jobs within like 3-6 months after we started dating. I feel like a jinx to them.
That's why was really into the 2nd girl
She had a job, lived with a roomate, then the owners sold the house and she lost her job. Just felt like bad luck. Idk if I could ever avoid the trap unless it was super early in the relationship
Question for dating Gaf, I want to date a women who doesn't want kids, what are the odds on that?
salty_Josh
Member
I think I maybe have a problem. When I'm talking to a girl over text I don't know when to... well... stop. Like I'll always give a reply to everything. I think it stems from me never wanting to not talk to her (a girl I've been talking to recently). This isn't really a problem but I realise it means the ball is always in her court and it creates a sort of subconcious thing where she has all the power. I just noticed tonight is the first time I've said goodnight first to her. Then I thought about it and realised I very rarely have said goodbye to anyone first in the past. Am I crazily overthinking this or is this a slight flaw in my texting game that I should be working to iron out? I'm probably just super tired right now and I'm over-analysing things.
ZackieChan
Member
You need other things going on in your life. Things that will make you have to say goodbye. "OK, bye - about to go to the gym." "Bye, going out with friends," etc. Always answering right away seems needy. At least try to ignore the message for a while sometimes.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Struck out thrice today. Gonna just drink tonight. Good thing I'm on afternoon shifts now, I can work out in the morning for distractions to my semi-depression. -_-
I met a girl online and we decided to meet for a drink and watch a movie. We instantly connected and chatted for an hour before heading to watch a movie. During the film we kept whispering things in each other's ears and started holding hands. Soon we started making out and she was a passionate kisser. After the film, I asked if she wanted to back to my place for a drink and she said she wasn't sure. I offered an a drink at a nearby bar and she agreed. We again sat for an hour, had a great time chatting and making out. I said we should meet the next day and she said she might be busy with family and will let me know. I texted her the same day it was great meeting her. I haven't heard back after 25 hours and I'm a bit puzzled as she showed so much interest on the date. I'm thinking of calling her in a few days if I don't hear back. Advice would be appreciated as I genuinely like her and thought it was a perfect date.
^It's just part of dating, plenty of seemingly interested girls will fade away for whatever reason. Only thing it seems you did wrong was asking to meet the next day (a little too eager imo) but otherwise, it happens. I think it just happened to me too (great date on Friday, texted her Saturday but no response -_-)
If you want to text her again, try in a week or so and keep it casual. After that, move on.
If you want to text her again, try in a week or so and keep it casual. After that, move on.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You did nothing wrong, honestly. Frankly, I'm proud of you for suggesting a second date at the tail end of the first: I always did. 100% of girls appreciated sidestepping texting bullshit, and sincerely stating "I like you and I want to see you again" was never a bad play. Just wait it out and don't make her eggs your single basket.
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