My GF called me bitch 3x then came into BR and when I wasnt ready said "Fuck You"
- Thread starter GhostWriter24
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Up to a certain point, this is true. Drinking too much, however, may yield opposite results.
I have to agree with this as someone who has been on the receiving end of an abusive drunk ex.
I think how I'd react in your situation will probably depend entirely upon whether she learns from the experience. She was verbally abusive while under influence. I remember growing up with a father like that. It is not good. Not saying she needs to completely cut out drinking or whatever, but will she learn what her alcohol tolerance level is and not exceed it in the future? That's what will make or break it for me personally.
Miles Quaritch
Member
May, but from my experience it's only true in that they continue to become more and more comfortable being who they are.
The talkers, the fools (in the best sense possible), the huggers (these ones tend to be annoying because they stink but keep wanting hugs), the misogynists, the aggressives, the racists (boy are these ones great, especially when they rant the most racist shit imaginable and then say not you, you're one of the good ones)...
Miles Quaritch
Member
Do you do it while drunk and unsolicited?
I get what you're saying but intent matters and it seems she was doing for no other reason than to be abusive.
I was in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic for many years. Verbally, physically, and otherwise. His true self, unfortunately, was clearly brought out with alcohol.
I can say that I know, personally, up to a certain extent I'll be more sociable and whatnot. If I get too much in me though, I start doing weird shit. Yelling about being possessed and saying shit that I never felt or isn't true are all examples on my behalf. I'm not myself after a certain point.
Edit: for the record, I'm not saying that it doesn't suck having names thrown at you. Especially in public. It hurts. A lot. I'm just saying this whole time that maybe he should at least talk about what happened with her when the alcohol is out of her system and see what she has to say. idk
I understand if all of that's a total deal breaker though.
jim-jam bongs
Member
True Savior
Member
I don't know your relationship but if it was my last one this wouldn't be an issue as I would have probably understood her intent (even in a drunken state, we liked to call each other names and other shit). But all relationships and interactions are different and can understand why you would feel insulted by it.
Talk with her about the situation.
Talk with her about the situation.
Blackpanther25
Member
Honestly I would have gave her the "D" and did a whole lot of general dirty talking while driving her mad. Let her know how im not a bitch.
no lie I had a girlfriend that I would have angry sex all the time with. EDIT* It was a volitile relationship and it was not healthy being abused (arguments, demanding sex, etc) by my SO at the time so I left.
You definitely have to talk to her about what occurred that night
no lie I had a girlfriend that I would have angry sex all the time with. EDIT* It was a volitile relationship and it was not healthy being abused (arguments, demanding sex, etc) by my SO at the time so I left.
You definitely have to talk to her about what occurred that night
Like our inhibitions don't characterize who we are. I guess the real you is a deranged maniac who pees his pants.
I only read the OP's original post. So as I understand it, she was drunk, and became a giant ass hole. Previously she was awesome and you really dug her.
So my advice would be to take a breath. Have a discussion with this person when she is sober, and try and figure out where the aggression came from. And if these were her true feelings coming out, or maybe she was so blackout drunk that anything coming out of her mouth was simply a drunk idiot on autopilot.
It does not seem like a cut and dry situation to me at least. As someone who has been on the receiving end and the giving end of drunken rants that I cannot recall.
There is no excuse for it, but maybe if there is a strong relationship there, she can get help and you can help her to receive help. But if it turns out after your sober discussion ends in a very negative place, maybe it is time to move on.
So my advice would be to take a breath. Have a discussion with this person when she is sober, and try and figure out where the aggression came from. And if these were her true feelings coming out, or maybe she was so blackout drunk that anything coming out of her mouth was simply a drunk idiot on autopilot.
It does not seem like a cut and dry situation to me at least. As someone who has been on the receiving end and the giving end of drunken rants that I cannot recall.
There is no excuse for it, but maybe if there is a strong relationship there, she can get help and you can help her to receive help. But if it turns out after your sober discussion ends in a very negative place, maybe it is time to move on.
Stilton Disco
Member
Sounds like she was was drunk and horny, and apparently into aggressive, dirty talking sex. As for the go fuck yourself part, I can vouch for how disappointing you're SO turning down impromptu party sex in a toilet can be, so add drunk and full of hormones to that and I would let her off and wait to see if she regrets it when fully sober in a day or two before getting too cross.
Saying that, if you really weren't into the kind of shenanigans she is when inhibitions aren't a factor, it might be time to have a think about long term compatibility.
Sexual compatibility is absolutely vital for a long term relationship, and if you can't enjoy the same thing she does, even if just a passive thing you're ok to go along with in the heat of the moment, you'll just end up resenting her.
Saying that, if you really weren't into the kind of shenanigans she is when inhibitions aren't a factor, it might be time to have a think about long term compatibility.
Sexual compatibility is absolutely vital for a long term relationship, and if you can't enjoy the same thing she does, even if just a passive thing you're ok to go along with in the heat of the moment, you'll just end up resenting her.
deadscreensky
Member
I don't want to come across as supporting the GF here, I'm not, but it's also not particularly hard to come up with reasons she would act this way while drunk which aren't necessarily malicious or abusive. She gets drunk. She calls her boyfriend a bitch a few times, in her mind she's being playful or even a little naughty, starts to pick up that he's mad about this, offers sex as an apology, and then gets offended when he rejects her apology.
None of this is okay or fair -- and I wasn't there, so I could be missing all sorts of nuance that makes my imaginary story completely false -- but she was drunk so her brain didn't work.
I agree with others that this is something to have a serious talk about, but it shouldn't inherently be a relationship killer. People make stupid mistakes and sometimes they need forgiveness. This might be one of those cases.
Soldiussnaku
Member
Ugh, what total disrespect shown by your so, who fucking cares if she was drunk, it dies not give ANYONE a free pass to verbally abuse someone, especially when they are in the op position, I consider it to be emotional blackmail.
Op sounds like a more chill guy when he is drunk, so parts of your SO true self are coming to light under the influence, and imho, it's real ugly so far.
Have a discussion with her, if there is no regret there, does not apologise for her actions or brushes it off, the relationship requires a serious rethink the appropriate action to get them out of your life.
More off us need a base level of self respect, nothing wrong with letting other people, whatever they mean to you, that you have some and they need to respect that.
Op sounds like a more chill guy when he is drunk, so parts of your SO true self are coming to light under the influence, and imho, it's real ugly so far.
Have a discussion with her, if there is no regret there, does not apologise for her actions or brushes it off, the relationship requires a serious rethink the appropriate action to get them out of your life.
More off us need a base level of self respect, nothing wrong with letting other people, whatever they mean to you, that you have some and they need to respect that.
No I think that is bull shit.
As I stated in my last post, I have gone into that blackout mode of being drunk and I have had to deal with several friends who have gone into that mode.
It does not bring out the true person inside you, but maybe it brings out your demons.
Luckily I have never become violent in any of these episodes, typically I just embarrass myself. And when my friends recite the sort of things I said in those moments, they tend to be a train of thought without filter and most importantly choice.
We all have weird thoughts flowing through us all the time. Inner debates that maybe we have not come to a conclusion on. But in a sober state we have the ability of choice and logic that in a blackout state of drunkenness you no longer have.
Also such situations do not exist in a vacuum. You are being hit by outside influences whether it be another equally drunk person or a completely sober person who wants to suddenly debate politics with a slurring mess of a drunken idiot.
What I have found, is that in such a state I have said things that I do not believe, but at one time or another I had an internal debate on the topic, and in that autopilot blackout mode maybe the darker less friendly part of myself came out in the discussion. It is not an either or thing. It is a brain simply sparking up previous ideas or thoughts but without the ability to reason.
But the most damning thing concerning this idea, is that I have been several different sorts of people during these blackout drunk episodes. Sometimes a super nice guy, sometimes a bumbling joker idiot, and sometimes a bit of an ass hole. I also have examples where my politics totally shift from left to right or right to left. Yes all of these ideas have flown through my head at one moment or another, but the true me is not suddenly revealed when I get super drunk. Unless the true me is 10 different people locked inside my head with completely opposing personalities and ideas.
Mr.Monitor
Member
Don't get why so many people are telling OP that they should just chill or wait it out and that it's ok because their partner was drunk. Being drunk is absolutely no excuse to call your partner derogatory names, especially not after being asked to stop. I'm sorry but if alcohol makes you a huge asshole, chances are you're not a great person when you're not drinking too.
This too, the double standard here is absurd.
Audioboxer
Member
That's not long at all. When the time is right ask her why she behaved how she did and let her know why that hurt you and that you found it unacceptable. If she's genuinely sorry have some time to decide if it seems like a relationship worth pursuing or not. Always best to try and hear a partners response to why something happened even if you've already made your mind up. If for nothing else to let you know why and not spend any more of your life wondering why. Especially when alcohol or any other drug is involved.
After only a month and a half it may just be you're not the right match for each other. Honesty and respect to break it off is nothing to be ashamed of, just make sure you've had a dialect and you have some time to think things through. Not sure how well you both know each other in such a short timeframe, but there may be baggage being brought along from previous relationships or experiences. Which is why I ask how well do you really know each other? Maybe a question you should explore if you both sit down sober together to talk.
Some of the posts in this topic, smh.
ClosingADoor
Member
Month and a half. Calling you a bitch in front of other people multiple times. I'd start to have some serious doubts here. Talk to her when she sobers up. If it happens again, I'd break it off.
SubScorpianZero
Member
you're making the right choice OP. It's not like you've been dating a long time, ditch her and move on, she has her own issues.
The alcohol brought out a dark side in her that she's been able to hide. That would be a major red flag for me, i don't care how drunk she was.
The alcohol brought out a dark side in her that she's been able to hide. That would be a major red flag for me, i don't care how drunk she was.
I don't think the "couples fight, get over it" advice really applies in this situation. It just sounds like she was doing her best to be an absolute twat based on the admittedly little information from the OP. Wasn't it you, OP, who made a thread recently about being in love with a girl who was far away or something? Is this the same girl? Because if not, I'm assuming you haven't been together that long. I'd recommend telling her that the way she acted pissed you off and see how she takes it, I'm not going to try and determine whether she was her true self in her drunken state, her response after you bring it up will give away whether or not she cares.
Nobody is saying wait it out,.
Just have a discussion the next day when everyone is sober, and make a more educated and less emotional decision based on more information.
Every married couple that exists today would be divorced if a single episode of verbal abuse lead to an automatic dismissal.
OverBlood 3
Banned
Fascinating.
John Kowalski
Banned
Don't drink and date!
Well I'm ready.
gimmmick
Member
Oh man I shouldn't have laughed as much as I did.
Sunset Samurai
Member
You keep saying "who you truly are."
My filters and inhibitions are part of me. Being drunk doesn't make me more myself, it takes away things that define me.
OriginalThinking
Member
She called you bitch, jokingly. If she feels suitably embarrassed about her behaviour the next day and apologises then let it slide, but let her know how it made you feel. If she repeats her behaviour in future you'll have a decision to make.
Blackpanther25
Member
Some people are saying get over it and other are saying let her go. I believe some people are just horrible drunks.
I have seen tons of people who are great when sober and a pain in the ass when drunk (my cousin is one of those). I really think you should talk to her about what happened. Maybe you have a talk with her on the amount of alcoholic drinks she can have at parties if you and her are both comfortable with that. Regardless some boundaries have to be set and if both are willing to agree then you can continue with the relationship.
I have seen tons of people who are great when sober and a pain in the ass when drunk (my cousin is one of those). I really think you should talk to her about what happened. Maybe you have a talk with her on the amount of alcoholic drinks she can have at parties if you and her are both comfortable with that. Regardless some boundaries have to be set and if both are willing to agree then you can continue with the relationship.
Claude Augario
Member
OP sounds like he may have prior experience with abusive relationships. In that case I'm not sure if "stick around and see if she does it again," is healthy advice for someone with emotional fatigue; the idea of being re-victimized may be too much, I wouldn't blame him if he got out. You already know she's horrible when drunk, so assuming that's her greatest flaw, it comes down to how often you expect to encounter that side of her.
teruterubozu
Member
She's a Jekyl & Hyde drinker. It happens. Just avoid her when she's drunk.
Where you there? How do you know it was jokingly?
It was literally what OP wrote.
SolidChamp
Banned
My wife told me she hopes I choke on my microwave popcorn.
Meh. Shit happens.
Meh. Shit happens.
tell her what makes you uncomfortable... and if she acts funny tell her how things would go if she was sober/regular drunk and you did to her as she did to you
lol it comes off real bad if you were to call her a cunt 3 times at a party and then go find her in a room and said come fuck me lol and then storm off
she cant explain her way out of this... guys would get dumped quick acting like that. ask her to tone it down a notch or 2
lol it comes off real bad if you were to call her a cunt 3 times at a party and then go find her in a room and said come fuck me lol and then storm off
she cant explain her way out of this... guys would get dumped quick acting like that. ask her to tone it down a notch or 2
fierrotlepou
Member
Wait, you say you've been through enough of this bullshit and then you say that before this she was incredible?
Sounds a bit contradictory to me.
Audioboxer
Member
Horseticuffs
Full werewolf off the buckle
I mean, it's all in the context of a relationship. My GF and I have a loving, stable relationship. We have been together just under two years, both approaching 40 with a furious speed, live together, all that shit. We refer to each other as "Motherfucker" like 90% of the time and always threatening to kill each other and shit in each other's mouths or whatever all the time. It's all stupid gross-out bullshit. Truly a match made in Heaven.
I wouldn't personally think two thoughts of it if my lady called me a bitch three times because she's called me that before when I was being overly-emotional or just fooling around. I've been in emotionally abusive relationships before and I know what we have isn't that.
Now, if you feel in-context that this is a toxic relationship than by all means act on those feelings. Nobody should have to feel lessened by their partner. Truthfully I haven't read the whole thread as yet, but I urge perspective when making these kinds of decisions.
I wouldn't personally think two thoughts of it if my lady called me a bitch three times because she's called me that before when I was being overly-emotional or just fooling around. I've been in emotionally abusive relationships before and I know what we have isn't that.
Now, if you feel in-context that this is a toxic relationship than by all means act on those feelings. Nobody should have to feel lessened by their partner. Truthfully I haven't read the whole thread as yet, but I urge perspective when making these kinds of decisions.
Jack The Nipper
Banned
To me words are definitely just words. I don't worry about it but people definitely don't look at it the way I do. I'm a bitch, I'm a dick but I just think try to be kind.
The old "I was drunk! I was completely different person and didn't mean what I did/said" is one of the most common misconceptions around. Alcohol does not inflict one with an evil spirit who possesses the one who drinks. Alcohol doesn't put anything into that person's personality that wasn't already there. Like discussed earlier, it lowers inhibitions and social guard and makes us say what we really mean. "I didn't mean what I said", is actually "I didn't mean to say what I meant".
People are slowly getting more aware of how this whole thing goes but there still are people around who believe that alcohol takes hold of a person and momentarily alters his/her's personality. Some people have repressed themselves so much that when they're drunk they seem like a totally different person. Normally extremely shy person may become super fun and social, and a generally awesome person may turn into a racist or be angry.
People are slowly getting more aware of how this whole thing goes but there still are people around who believe that alcohol takes hold of a person and momentarily alters his/her's personality. Some people have repressed themselves so much that when they're drunk they seem like a totally different person. Normally extremely shy person may become super fun and social, and a generally awesome person may turn into a racist or be angry.
Calling a person a bitch after they have asked you to stop isn't really a joke is it? Also I would argue calling a person a bitch infront of loads of people over and over isn't a joke.
Jack The Nipper
Banned
People making words have a meaning or feeling in such a way makes no sense to me. Like, qwhat does it mean.
To mean these things are very abstract and concrete things aren't even that much better.
I know people make reasons upon reasons to what the meaning is and feeling but it's a bit much still
To mean these things are very abstract and concrete things aren't even that much better.
I know people make reasons upon reasons to what the meaning is and feeling but it's a bit much still
This would be strike 1, strike 2 and strike 3 for me and she did it all in one night. I can not stand being around angry drunk people spitting out verbal abuse. There's no excuse. You can get drunk without resorting to such things. And then telling you to go fuck yourself? Yeah, I'd be out. No second chance. And she's 25 years old too? Some 16 years old behave better when drunk
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