Sorry for rolling you up so much, didn't know it would lead to this.
In all seriousness, hope it works out for you my man.
🖕
😍
I've actually been under depression for a while now, just haven't told anyone, I find it very hard to talk about those topics irl because I hate feeling vulnerable.
I'm going to tell you a story. And I don't care if anyone tries to use this against me because I'm sure outside of the internet none of these pussies would even think of trying me and I'd make sure to whoop their ass.
Anyway, I've gone by the name batman, ironman, and superman. Why? Because I do everything, nothing phases me, I was a real beast. Things they contributed to those names were the fact that I'd work out about 3 hours a day, if you needed anything done, I'd do my best to get it done, and generally just helping people.
Well those things were my natural high, they'd make me feel good and the praises made me feel even better. But little did any of these people know is that their superhero was not quite so super on the inside.
These people didn't know that once the music was over, their superhero had to take a pill and talk to someone once a week because if he didn't, he'd probably turn into his worst villain.
I would never let people see me in a bad mood because I didn't want to seem vulnerable. I didn't want people to inquire about my feelings, I needed people to only see me as the guy who is in the gym everyday for 3-4 hours. Or the guy with the pretty smile who has a great speaking voice. Or the guy who everyone likes.
Is it sad that all of those things couldn't help me from feeling like killing myself each day?
I have a friend, he was my theatre teacher in high school. This statement that he said got to me it was in regards to my hip surgery which has led to some of this recent depression coming back; "Your hip is your kryptonite and it's sad because you were doing everything and you have to learn it all over again. But I know that James will get it together because that is what you do, you are my inspiration, etc etc."
But that put a lot in perspective, to know that a guy who I looked up to, someone who helped mold me, put me on a pedestal.
What I'm getting at here is this, I've been wearing a mask pretending to be someone I'm not for my entire life, 25 years; a superhero if you will or an actor because I play the role of a cocky narcissist who looks so perfect but he's really damaged on the inside(the first time I saw American psycho, I said that Patrick was me 100%. My teacher even gave me a monologue from the movie because he was type casting me as Patrick. Sad story.) I still take my mask off to reveal my true identity because if I didn't have the guts to show my true self, I wouldn't be talking to you all right now.
Don't be too good to talk to a therapist because you'll never be as good as me(when I say that, it's because I viewed myself as the perfect specimen) , the guy who went to one every week. You'd be doing yourself a favour to just air some of your dirty laundry out.
Women live longer because they talk about their problems but we hold it in and it puts stress on us. So let's help each other, let's get it together.
Pikma, do it for the rock and put your guard down for an hour. When you walk out, you can put your mask back up but allow someone to see your secret identity.
James did.