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[Boss Man]

I really hate when guys speak for me, saying that all guys want is sex. Not everyone is like you.

1. That's not what I said.
2. Of course everyone is different, going for generalizations here.


What I meant to say is that sex is what compels guys in the first place. That's true for the vast majority, whether you want to admit it or not.

What compels girls initially is my question. Is it physical attraction? If so, what things in particular?


If you listen to a couple of guys speaking about girls, they're going to be talking about physical attributes 9 times out of 10. If they're in love/have been in a relationship for a long time, that's when you start to hear other things.

Is it the same with girls?

 

[SolidusDave]

Your username reminds me of 'smokydave'. I think of you as the fake smokydave.

I'm the non-smoker version.

Also, actual-Gamer-GAF

I really hate when guys speak for me, saying that all guys want is sex. Not everyone is like you.

He's talking about what guys find attractive. So yes, good/sexy looks are enough to get pretty much any guy. I like these tests in which they let a young, good looking woman ask random men in a mall etc. to come with her to have sex - virtually every* heterosexual, single man says yes to that offer (while the other way around almost no woman would go with some handsome stranger to have sex. Note: no, they did not test this in a bar as well ).

* I don't remember the exact stats. It's actually kinda strange that so many would say yes. I would probably refuse because it sounds too good/unrealistic and I would fear to wake up in an ice-filled bathtub w/o my kidney.. D:


Qualities for longterm relationships etc. are of course different, but I would agree that for most men they build upon the attractiveness factor.

 

[daffy]

Is it the same for girls?

Yes.

 

[ianp622]

1. That's not what I said.
2. Of course everyone is different, going for generalizations here.


What I meant to say is that sex is what compels guys in the first place. That's true for the vast majority, whether you want to admit it or not.

What compels girls initially is my question. Is it physical attraction? If so, what things in particular?


If you listen to a couple of guys speaking about girls, they're going to be talking about physical attributes 9 times out of 10. If they're in love/have been in a relationship for a long time, that's when you start to hear other things.

Is it the same with girls?

Ok, fine. But sex is not what compels me in the first place. And whether it applies to the vast majority, maybe. It's generally not the case for the guys I hang out with.

I suppose I'm just reacting to the notion that there is a homogeneous set of desires that the majority of women (and men) have - one that pervades the Girl/Dating-Age thread and to a lesser extent, this one.

 

[Boss Man]

He's talking about what guys find attractive. So yes, good/sexy looks are enough to get pretty much any guy. I like these tests in which they let a young, good looking woman ask random men in a mall etc. to come with her to have sex - virtually every* heterosexual, single man says yes to that offer (while the other way around almost no woman would go with some handsome stranger to have sex. Note: no, they did not test this in a bar as well ).

* I don't remember the exact stats. It's actually kinda strange that so many would say yes. I would probably refuse because it sounds too good/unrealistic and I would fear to wake up in an ice-filled bathtub w/o my kidney.. D:


Qualities for longterm relationships etc. are of course different, but I would agree that for most men they build upon the attractiveness factor.

Thank you, I was starting to think that I was just an asshole or something.

 

[SRG01]

He's talking about what guys find attractive. So yes, good/sexy looks are enough to get pretty much any guy. I like these tests in which they let a young, good looking woman ask random men in a mall etc. to come with her to have sex - virtually every* heterosexual, single man says yes to that offer (while the other way around almost no woman would go with some handsome stranger to have sex. Note: no, they did not test this in a bar as well ).

* I don't remember the exact stats. It's actually kinda strange that so many would say yes. I would probably refuse because it sounds too good/unrealistic and I would fear to wake up in an ice-filled bathtub w/o my kidney.. D:


Qualities for longterm relationships etc. are of course different, but I would agree that for most men they build upon the attractiveness factor.

Haha, to be quite honest, I think I would be horrified if a girl came up to me out of the blue and asked me for sex.

 

[leadbelly]

I'm the non-smoker version.

Also, actual-Gamer-GAF

lol

We were actually joking about his username. If ever he stopped smoking he would have to change it.

Something like:

SmokelessDave

or

SmokeFreeAreaDave.

 

[BladeWorker]

What compels girls initially is my question. Is it physical attraction? If so, what things in particular?

Yes, and it varies by girl.

But of course, I don't care how attractive you are if I can't stand to have a conversation with you.

 

[Boss Man]

I suppose I'm just reacting to the notion that there is a homogeneous set of desires that the majority of women (and men) have - one that pervades the Girl/Dating-Age thread and to a lesser extent, this one.

Yes, everyone is a unique snowflake...but it can be helpful to acknowledge some of the more pronounced differences in how men/women rank attractiveness.

Just for instance, I know that the way a guy dresses has a much bigger impact on his attractiveness than it does on a woman. Girls spend a lot more time (again, generally...I know not every single girl likes the color pink. Some of them drive pick-up trucks and chew tobacco...whatever) worrying about their clothes when the truth is that guys barely notice. We determine whether or not a girl is attractive wayyy before we consider the fact that she's wearing brown shoes with a black belt.

Yes, and it varies by girl.

But of course, I don't care how attractive you are if I can't stand to have a conversation with you.

I think this is probably exactly what I was curious about. There's a difference here. A guy will put up with a lot for physical attraction, whereas girls are more prone to lose that attraction based on other attributes. So I guess the initial draws are the same, but there's another element of staying attractive for guys. Yes/no?

 

[BladeWorker]

I think this is probably exactly what I was curious about. There's a difference here. A guy will put up with a lot for physical attraction, whereas girls are more prone to lose that attraction based on other attributes. So I guess the initial draws are the same, but there's another element of staying attractive for guys. Yes/no?

I don't know how different it is. I've seen a lot of guys lose interest in a girl when they discover something "heinous". Ultimately I think it works both ways, and depends on what you're looking for.

Your tolerance for a lack of intelligence, for example, may be higher if seeking a one-night-stand than it would be when looking for a relationship.

 

[H.Protagonist]

1. That's not what I said.
2. Of course everyone is different, going for generalizations here.


What I meant to say is that sex is what compels guys in the first place. That's true for the vast majority, whether you want to admit it or not.

What compels girls initially is my question. Is it physical attraction? If so, what things in particular?


If you listen to a couple of guys speaking about girls, they're going to be talking about physical attributes 9 times out of 10. If they're in love/have been in a relationship for a long time, that's when you start to hear other things.

Is it the same with girls?

Physical looks will catch your eye initially, but personality (in a broad sense) will convince you to stay.

I can't speak for other girls, but when I'm looking at guys (in a superficial way) I notice in huge red letters things like:

Clothes: not the look necessarily, but are they clean/in good order
Teeth: does he take care of them
Body: does he take care of himself? Guy doesn't need to have a 6-pack, but a tubby belly says to me that he's letting himself go (which suggests various mental things/poor decisions to me)
Hair: I prefer shorter, but regardless, if it's greasy or unclean then it's a negative

There's other stuff, of course, but the first glance determines all of these and therefore is the first gate to further conversation

 

[Boss Man]

Physical looks will catch your eye initially, but personality (in a broad sense) will convince you to stay.

I can't speak for other girls, but when I'm looking at guys (in a superficial way) I notice in huge red letters things like:

Clothes: not the look necessarily, but are they clean/in good order
Teeth: does he take care of them
Body: does he take care of himself? Guy doesn't need to have a 6-pack, but a tubby belly says to me that he's letting himself go (which suggests various mental things/poor decisions to me)
Hair: I prefer shorter, but regardless, if it's greasy or unclean then it's a negative

There's other stuff, of course, but the first glance determines all of these and therefore is the first gate to further conversation

Sounds like what makes guys attractive has a lot to do with looking like they could potentially be successful. Either currently or at some point down the road because they care about what they're doing. Thanks.

 

[H.Protagonist]

Sounds like what makes guys attractive has a lot to do with looking like they could potentially be successful. Either currently or at some point down the road because they care about what they're doing. Thanks.

Relationships are all about potentials. It's not about money in the end (not for me anyway), but a guy has to be 'in order', so to speak. I'm older than most on here, so perhaps for casual stuff other people might give a pass on a few things, but I'm looking for a relationship and the visual clues are often more helpful than a conversation in screening men. I try to present the same thing too, whether or not men actually notice...

 

[Boss Man]

Relationships are all about potentials. It's not about money in the end (not for me anyway), but a guy has to be 'in order', so to speak. I'm older than most on here, so perhaps for casual stuff other people might give a pass on a few things, but I'm looking for a relationship and the visual clues are often more helpful than a conversation in screening men. I try to present the same thing too, whether or not men actually notice...

I think women overestimate what men actually notice. The answer to that is heels though. Girls in heels are sexy and doing important things.

 

[BladeWorker]

Relationships are all about potentials. It's not about money in the end (not for me anyway), but a guy has to be 'in order', so to speak. I'm older than most on here, so perhaps for casual stuff other people might give a pass on a few things, but I'm looking for a relationship and the visual clues are often more helpful than a conversation in screening men. I try to present the same thing too, whether or not men actually notice...

I'm going to second the "look like you have your act together" notion.

 

[BladeWorker]

I think women overestimate what men actually notice. The answer to that is heels though. Girls in heels are sexy and doing important things.

Women don't just dress for men. We dress so we look as good or better than other women. And women will notice if a lock of hair is out of place or the accessories we're wearing came from Tiffanys (or conversely, Wal-Mart).

 

[Boss Man]

Women don't just dress for men. We dress so we look as good or better than other women. And women will notice if a lock of hair is out of place or the accessories we're wearing came from Tiffanys (or conversely, Wal-Mart).

There is a war happening in the shadows...

 

[Devolution]

Women don't just dress for men. We dress so we look as good or better than other women. And women will notice if a lock of hair is out of place or the accessories we're wearing came from Tiffanys (or conversely, Wal-Mart).

True to a certain extent but plenty of women frankly don't give a shit enough to keep up with trends or buy the latest shit.

 

[SRG01]

Women don't just dress for men. We dress so we look as good or better than other women. And women will notice if a lock of hair is out of place or the accessories we're wearing came from Tiffanys (or conversely, Wal-Mart).

Yes, this is very true. Also, you can literally read her personality by the way she dresses.

edit: Works for men too.

 

[H.Protagonist]

True to a certain extent but plenty of women frankly don't give a shit enough to keep up with trends or buy the latest shit.

God, I hope other women can't tell where I buy things... (nowhere expensive, that's for sure) I'm fairly brand-blind to other women, but I will notice greasy hair, fake tans, etc. I have no idea what the trend is at any time either. I'm probably living in the wrong area in that case... :/

 

[daffy]

I think men overestimate what women actually notice. The answer to that is suits though. Guys in suits are sexy and doing important things

 

[POWERSPHERE]

I think men overestimate what women actually notice. The answer to that is suits though. Guys in suits are sexy and doing important things

If you like boring dickheads

 

[Devolution]

God, I hope other women can't tell where I buy things... (nowhere expensive, that's for sure) I'm fairly brand-blind to other women, but I will notice greasy hair, fake tans, etc. I have no idea what the trend is at any time either. I'm probably living in the wrong area in that case... :/

I don't give a shit. I'm pretty sour when it comes to acceptance from other women, I couldn't fucking care less due to my tomboy past. Used to being scoffed and scowled at. That sounded more angry than it should have but oh well.

 

[H.Protagonist]

If you like boring dickheads

daffy was making a joke. See StateofMind's earlier post about heels.

 

[POWERSPHERE]

I think women overestimate what men actually notice. The answer to that is heels though. Girls in heels are sexy and doing important things.

If you like boring dickheads

 

[Lissar]

I'd rather ask this here than in the ladygaf thread if any other ladies are up in here.

I've only ever had sex with one person, my boyfriend. He's circumcised. Does it feel any different to have sex with a guy whose penis isn't circumcised?

Feels about the same, really. It's only with a flaccid penis that you're really going to be able to see a difference between the two.

 

[H.Protagonist]

I don't give a shit. I'm pretty sour when it comes to acceptance from other women, I couldn't fucking care less due to my tomboy past. Used to being scoffed and scowled at. That sounded more angry than it should have but oh well.

You sound like you've had quite a time with them. :/ I confess I don't interact with girls very much. I'm not much for 'small talk' or fashion (not that they're all like this, just waaay too many are in LA for my taste). What we need is a good soccer league. Let's express ourselves through knees and flying elbows! No blood no foul!

 

[SRG01]

I've known many girls that were picky about height too.

 

[Count Dookkake]

Anyone who says it isn't about sex is ignorant or deluding themselves.

 

[Devolution]

You sound like you've had quite a time with them. :/ I confess I don't interact with girls very much. I'm not much for 'small talk' or fashion (not that they're all like this, just waaay to many are in LA for my taste). What we need is a good soccer league. Let's express ourselves through knees and flying elbows! No blood no foul!

I have plenty of gal pals I just don't buy into all the fashion and accessorizing bullshit or the "I need this designer handbag" crap. I hate that commercialism and materialistic nonsense. It's the same reason I despise Sex and the City. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look good though and I don't have anything against women who do, but the elitism can fuck right off when it comes to those of us who aren't into the same stuff.

 

[H.Protagonist]

I've known many girls that were picky about height too.

Mmm... This is true to an extent. My strong preference is for guys 6'0"-6'5" (this range does something for the animal part of my brain), but I've dated/given shorter guys a chance. I suppose they do have to put forward a stronger showing to catch my eye, though.

 

[SRG01]

Anyone who says it isn't about sex is ignorant or deluding themselves.

Oh, I agree that sex has a huge part to do with attraction, but I think that much of that "sex" part depends on so many variables that it's hard to generate some kind of baseline rule.

Mmm... This is true to an extent. My strong preference is for guys 6'0"-6'5" (this range does something for the animal part of my brain), but I've dated/given shorter guys a chance. I suppose they do have to put forward a stronger showing to catch my eye, though.

I'm 5'6" and I do agree that I have to put in a bigger effort than taller guys. On the other hand, the height of the girl has never been a huge factor on my part whereas most of my guy friends prefer very short girls.

 

[H.Protagonist]

Anyone who says it isn't about sex is ignorant or deluding themselves.

Are you talking about guys, girls, or both when you say this?

 

[Count Dookkake]

Oh, I agree that sex has a huge part to do with attraction, but I think that much of that "sex" part depends on so many variables that it's hard to generate some kind of baseline rule.

IMO, the variables aren't really all that important. Whether one is turned on by big boobs, a big package, or a big brain, they are still being turned on, no matter how they try to "class" it up.

To those folks I say, "We're animals, get over it."

Are you talking about guys, girls, or both when you say this?

OldmanEVERYONE.gif

 

[POWERSPHERE]

daffy was making a joke. See StateofMind's earlier post about heels.

You guys got in between my joke!!

When you're in a relationship, or looking, the girl is always more attracted to positive pro activity. If your out there chasing something artistically or career wise, girls love it. It's natural as girls aren't attracted to guys who have no passion. Obvious stuff though. I guess if that's banking or music or law or art will alter the type of girl of course. Which is also very obvious. I should go wake up before posting...

 

[Lissar]

I've known many girls that were picky about height too.

I guess I am, kind of. There is too short, but there is also too tall. I'm 5'7" so I don't mind going an inch shorter than me (my ex was just my height but I also wore heels a lot... I wonder how he felt about that.) On the other hand over 6'2" is a bit too tall. I've known some pretty tall guys, and it just starts to feel uncomfortable after that.

I have plenty of gal pals I just don't buy into all the fashion and accessorizing bullshit or the "I need this designer handbag" crap. I hate that commercialism and materialistic nonsense. It's the same reason I despise Sex and the City. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look good though and I don't have anything against women who do, but the elitism can fuck right off when it comes to those of us who aren't into the same stuff.

Even though I like wearing awesome looking clothes, I can never imagine paying more than what I perceive they are worth just for a name. I don't think I've ever bought a bag that was more than $30. $600 bags just blow my mind. But where I live people who buy designer stuff is EXTREMELY unusual. We're all granola eating hippies out here.

 

[Devolution]

Even though I like wearing awesome looking clothes, I can never imagine paying more than what I perceive they are worth just for a name. I don't think I've ever bought a bag that was more than $30. $600 bags just blow my mind. But where I live people who buy designer stuff is EXTREMELY unusual. We're all granola eating hippies out here.

I like wearing awesome clothes it's just that my fashion isn't up to snuff or too masculine to other women. There's a lot of "fashionistas" around here, comes with being to close to a major Urban city (SF). And yeah I don't buy "names" either. In fact lately I just hit up second hand and vintage stores. It's amazing what women throw out because it's "so last season" but I can't complain, their fickle attitudes make it possible for me to get cheap clothes.

 

[Boss Man]

I'm 5'6" and I do agree that I have to put in a bigger effort than taller guys. On the other hand, the height of the girl has never been a huge factor on my part whereas most of my guy friends prefer very short girls.

I've noticed that a lot of the "ladies' man" types, guys who just seem naturally magnetic to women, are actually shorter. I don't know if this is just my experience, or what it means if it's true. Maybe they put so much effort in that they learned exactly what women like, I don't know.

 

[Lissar]

I like wearing awesome clothes it's just that my fashion isn't up to snuff or too masculine to other women. There's a lot of "fashionistas" around here, comes with being to close to a major Urban city (SF). And yeah I don't buy "names" either. In fact lately I just hit up second hand and vintage stores. It's amazing what women throw out because it's "so last season" but I can't complain, their fickle attitudes make it possible for me to get cheap clothes.

I get pretty much everything from Buffalo Exchange, although recently they've been getting more expensive... I try to go for the 50% rack! /cheap

 

[Devolution]

I get pretty much everything from Buffalo Exchange, although recently they've been getting more expensive... I try to go for the 50% rack! /cheap

Hah I shop there too. ^5.

 

[H.Protagonist]

IMO, the variables aren't really all that important. Whether one is turned on by big boobs, a big package, or a big brain, they are still being turned on, no matter how they try to "class" it up.

To those folks I say, "We're animals, get over it."



OldmanEVERYONE.gif

Hmm. Well, I can only speak concretely for myself, but, sex isn't what it's about (for me). Sex is damned fun and definitely my preferred workout method, but it's not really the biggest thing I'm looking for in a guy. Yes, it's an important part of the relationship, but it definitely doesn't rank 1st or even 2nd on the list of what I look for in a man.

I've noticed that a lot of the "ladies' man" types, guys who just seem naturally magnetic to women, are actually shorter. I don't know if this is just my experience, or what it means if it's true. Maybe they put so much effort in that they learned exactly what women like, I don't know.

They put in more effort and effort is 75% of the battle. (% will vary from woman to woman)

 

[Count Dookkake]

I've noticed that a lot of the "ladies' man" types, guys who just seem naturally magnetic to women, are actually shorter. I don't know if this is just my experience, or what it means if it's true. Maybe they put so much effort in that they learned exactly what women like, I don't know.

The guy who taught me the most about interacting with women (and people in general, I suppose) is probably the shortest friend I have ever had. Anywhere we would go, he'd have the prettiest/hottest girls clamoring for his attention. It was a real eye-opener. To this day, I use things I learned from him.

Never needed any PUA stuff, because of him.

Hmm. Well, I can only speak concretely for myself, but, sex isn't what it's about (for me). Sex is damned fun and definitely my preferred workout method, but it's not really the biggest thing I'm looking for in a guy. Yes, it's an important part of the relationship, but it definitely doesn't rank 1st or even 2nd on the list of what I look for in a man.

I think we are talking at cross purposes. I don't mean the act of sex, as in how good it is, or how long it lasts, or what specific acts one enjoys. I mean sexual attraction.

 

[hey_it's_that_dog]

If anyone's interested in the science of mate preference, lemme drop this bomb on ya.

http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/home... prefs Shackelford-Schmitt-Buss-PAID-2005.pdf

 

[The Lamp]

Didn't she delete a bunch of her posts?



Also interested My boyfriend isn't, so yeah. I imagine it doesn't feel that different though. The skin kind of... goes back while its in.

Uncircumcised penises experience what's called a "de-gloving" mechanism.

I'm gonna guess that on the female's side it's all inconsequential anyway, though.

 

[H.Protagonist]

The guy who taught me the most about interacting with women (and people in general, I suppose) is probably the shortest friend I have ever had. Anywhere we would go, he'd have the prettiest/hottest girls clamoring for his attention. It was a real eye-opener. To this day, I use things I learned from him.

Never needed any PUA stuff, because of him.



I think we are talking at cross purposes. I don't mean the act of sex, as in how good it is, or how long it lasts, or what specific acts one enjoys. I mean sexual attraction.

Ah, OK. Sexual attraction is definitely the spark that can eventually be kindled into a fire, but I've know/heard of plenty of women who marry guys for security (financial bc they want a big family, or nice things). Resources trumped sexual attraction in those cases.

 

[Count Dookkake]

Ah, OK. Sexual attraction is definitely the spark that can eventually be kindled into a fire, but I've know/heard of plenty of women who marry guys for security (financial bc they want a big family, or nice things). Resources trumped sexual attraction in those cases.

It's a gray area, but IMO that stuff is part of sexual attraction.

One is turned on by the partner's potential to produce healthy offspring. Resources allow for that.

 

[shanshan310]

I've noticed that a lot of the "ladies' man" types, guys who just seem naturally magnetic to women, are actually shorter. I don't know if this is just my experience, or what it means if it's true. Maybe they put so much effort in that they learned exactly what women like, I don't know.

I've noticed that too, weirdly enough!

Height doesn't matter much to me. I am 5 2 though, so most men are taller anyway.

 

[H.Protagonist]

It's a gray area, but IMO that stuff is part of sexual attraction.

One is turned on by the partner's potential to produce healthy offspring. Resources allow for that.

The attraction doesn't seem 'sexual' in nature, though. But, maybe these ladies are writhing on beds of cash and thinking of their successful (though not attractive) husbands' net worth in a lascivious manner.

Anyway, I'm off for a workout. We'll have to take this up at a later time. ^_^

 

[Domino Theory]

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I've never been in a relationship before so this is all new territory for me (which is frightening since I'm 22).

I had one more thought which might come off as potentially more awkward:

What if I asked her if we could be cuddle/snuggle buddies? Is that odd?

 

[Zoe]

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I've never been in a relationship before so this is all new territory for me (which is frightening since I'm 22).

I had one more thought which might come off as potentially more awkward:

What if I asked her if we could be cuddle/snuggle buddies? Is that odd?

Errrrrr...