Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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boundedseven said:
I see your point but at this point my ego is a bit bruised and I'm looking for something more intimate here. If she finds someone else after, it's fine with me
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Your only going to get your ego crushed even more. Your mindset should be that she missed out on a damn good guy. Your ego will be boosted every time she calls you to hang out, and you are too busy banging another chick. Let her lonely ass be lonely and realize she blew her chance.
 
Hi guys, just thought I'd pop in for some advice. Here's the deal.

I met this reasonably cute girl in my Spanish class. It's a small class, so I've been able to make sure we've been sitting next to each other and have been discussion partners for the last couple days. She's smart and funny, but we haven't talked much about anything that's not a class discussion. She laughs at most of the jokes, even the bad ones, I've slipped in during discussion. My current plan is to ask her out to lunch after class on Monday or Tuesday. I know I need to initiate sometime, and just wanted to see what other's thought of the situation. Asking her out to lunch before really talking much about our personal lives isn't too forward, right?
 
What are some good hangout situations or activities that show interest without being overly obvious?

I've had some...unhealthy relationships in the past, still working it off, and I don't want to over commit. Even something like dinner (and who does that for a first date?) is too much for me right now.
 
boundedseven said:
We were talking about each other, and she said that I'm too nice of a guy. I asked what she meant and said that girls want guys that are more aggressive, and i the end no matter how nicely the girl wants to be treated, in the end all girls want to be dragged be their hair.
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Sorry, but I don't agree with the guys that have posted so far saying to ditch her. This girl came back to you after a couple months and took you out and paid for you when there was absolutely no reason for her to do that. Then she goes on to say that you're too nice, and basically tells you what you need to do instead of being nice to get her.

This girl wants you to go in for the kill without asking her permission. I don't know how vulgar I can get in this thread, but this girl is basically the kind that is gonna beg for stuff and want to be told what to do. She wants to be submissive, but she can't be that to a guy who won't take control.
 
Last Baron said:
What are some good hangout situations or activities that show interest without being overly obvious?

I've had some...unhealthy relationships in the past, still working it off, and I don't want to over commit. Even something like dinner (and who does that for a first date?) is too much for me right now.
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I am sorry you had trouble before, tough shit. You are going to have to sort that out buddy, it's a tough game out there

yami4ct said:
Hi guys, just thought I'd pop in for some advice. Here's the deal.

I met this reasonably cute girl in my Spanish class. It's a small class, so I've been able to make sure we've been sitting next to each other and have been discussion partners for the last couple days. She's smart and funny, but we haven't talked much about anything that's not a class discussion. She laughs at most of the jokes, even the bad ones, I've slipped in during discussion. My current plan is to ask her out to lunch after class on Monday or Tuesday. I know I need to initiate sometime, and just wanted to see what other's thought of the situation. Asking her out to lunch before really talking much about our personal lives isn't too forward, right?
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I say do it, it's fine.
 
Going on a second date tonight with a girl. I'm not looking for advice but been reading this thread for the last half hour at work and have to say it doesn't matter what BronzeWolf says I instantly agree with him.

The combo of the avatar plus his comments just exudes confidence to me. Kudos sir.

You got me super motivated for tonight.
 
Kad5 said:
To be fair she seemed like she was sort of tired so I let her sleep.
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Do you have a couch?

Kave_Man said:
Going on a second date tonight with a girl. I'm not looking for advice but been reading this thread for the last half hour at work and have to say it doesn't matter what BronzeWolf says I instantly agree with him.

The combo of the avatar plus his comments just exudes confidence to me. Kudos sir.

You got me super motivated for tonight.
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Thanks bro. I just have been through a lot, that's all. I have seen every bad side of women, so nothing phases me anymore. And I still love the shit out of them. I know bullshit when I hear it

My heart is rugged you might say.

One might say that I've become even more tolerant of women's bullshit even! It's like some girl tries to pull some shenaningan and I am like Bitch, Please... I am still going to fuck you lol
 
BronzeWolf said:
Do you have a couch?



Thanks bro. I just have been through a lot, that's all. I have seen every bad side of women, so nothing phases me anymore. And I still love the shit out of them. I know bullshit when I hear it

My heart is rugged you might say
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My dorm room isn't that big. There is no couch.

I could fuck her in my bed sure but I also wasn't in the mood to fuck anyway.
 
Last Baron said:
Helpful. I don't recall asking for anyone to hold my hand, just some ideas. Perhaps I said too much though.
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Don't worry bro, advice is free of charge. Girls like guys who are assertive. As for your question mi favorites are: Ice Cream, beach, biking and buffalo wings tasting
 
boundedseven said:
Before I made the move, we lying very close to each other and I was playing with her hair and there was mutual touching. I told her all the signs point to the fact that this leading to something romantic. Then she started apologizing that I'm sorry I didn't mean to give off the wrong signals etc.

Actually she also told me story of another guy (who lives in her building) that was drunk and tried to hit on her and she shot him down, in a harsh way.

We've gotten drunk together so I'm thinking I should make a move after getting her inebriated and say I'm not taking no for an answer. But that might be borderline assault?
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So she explains what didn't work for someone else... and you think "that sounds like a great idea, but I'll step it up a notch and tell her no isn't an option"

0877l.jpg
 
CatPee said:
Hot damn. Well, I kinda saw this coming, but today I found out that my lady friend's father is a pastor. Normally that wouldn't be too much of a problem for most, but I happen to be atheist. What do, GAF? :(

EDIT: To add some more detail, I'm the type of atheist who gets along with everybody of all religious affiliations rather than one who condemns all religion as the enemy. So, it could possibly work out as long as I'm careful with my words. Now I just hope her family possesses the same mentality rather than one of "convert or else." :(
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Hmmm... to follow up on this, it seems that her mother had already known of my atheist nature for quite a while already. We seem to get along fine, and there's a chance that her mother may also have told her father about it as well. Hopefully he holds the same attitude as her mother about it all...
 
And she blew me off, because she got sick yesterday.

"Can't go today, I have the flu and can't drink beer"
"We don't have to have beer, we can just hang"
"well I just wanna sleep. BTW is Sunday's Superbowl thing still going?"
[whole thing about asking me not to cancel superbowl because her friend canceled out plans to go. My response? Tough shit, I canceled things to go out with you and you don't seem to care]
"yeah don't care about the Superbowl thing, I might just do whatever. And boo for you, girl, blowing me off"
"better next week"
"Well you get better. When you get better you come talk to me if you still wanna hang out"
"Sorry, didn't plan to get sick"
"Go get some rest now"

I am done
 
BronzeWolf said:
And she blew me off, because she got sick yesterday.

"Can't go today, I have the flu and can't drink beer"
"We don't have to have beer, we can just hang"
"well I just wanna sleep. BTW is Sunday's Superbowl thing still going?"
[whole thing about asking me not to cancel superbowl because her friend canceled out plans to go. My response? Tough shit, I canceled things to go out with you and you don't seem to care]
"yeah don't care about the Superbowl thing, I might just do whatever. And boo for you, girl, blowing me off"
"better next week"
"Well you get better. When you get better you come talk to me if you still wanna hang out"
"Sorry, didn't plan to get sick"
"Go get some rest now"

I am done
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Or you could have brought her soup
 
boundedseven said:
I see your point but at this point my ego is a bit bruised and I'm looking for something more intimate here. If she finds someone else after, it's fine with me
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Hey! I was in a sort of similar situation to you at one point a few years ago; difference being mine was a little more extreme.

My advice: Either recommended, A) Cut contact again - do it slowly if you want, kind of just start ignoring her bit by bit or B) Tell her the truth, tell her that if you hang out you're going to constantly hit on her and try to fuck her. Then if she agrees and you actually do end up hanging out again, do exactly that - hit on her hardcore, touch her, try to kiss her, etc. Be the asshole, if she doesn't like it at that point then tell her you're gone.
 
Kad5 said:
What the hell is with you guys?

I didn't feel like fucking her anyway.
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Serious question, and I'm not meaning to rag on you, Kad5: then why are you posting about this particular girl?

You have to have known what we were going to say, by now. You know most of us and the type of advice we give, especially in a situation like this.

If you didn't feel like it, sure. But I wouldn't be inviting girls into your room if that's the case. You're sending hella mixed signals that way. Just hang by yourself. It's okay to not spend every waking moment on the prowl. You can (and should) take "time off."
 
tranciful said:
Or you could have brought her soup
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Fuck her, I already gave her some Twinkies on Tuesday when she was too depressed to do anything. Now she is sick, but the first thing she says to me after blowing me off is what us people are going to do for the Superbowl?? Planning on getting better just in time for Sundays gathering honey?

Yeah, not buying that one. I am not denying she is sick, (she is) but it seems awfully convenient, especially when I told her we could just hang out. The hell if I know, I am not the one flaking on her...

Kad5 said:
What the hell is with you guys?

I didn't feel like fucking her anyway.
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What the hell is wrong with me? Not much really
 
You care too much about this woman, BronzeWolf. She sounds like a bundle of baggage, flaking, and disinterest. I've said it before and I'll say it again: move on.
 
soultron said:
You care too much about this woman, BronzeWolf. She sounds like a bundle of baggage, flaking, and disinterest. I've said it before and I'll say it again: move on.
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Completely agreed. I am done. I just want to clarify about the baggage thing, especially for other people. She has baggage, we all do. BOO FUCKING HOO, this is HER chance to be happy and she blows it because of some baggage? What is she? 11?

There is this beautiful girl at the local pizza place that I think is extremely pretty and she just lightens up my day when she smiles at me just because. I want to see if she is available
 
Ugh, I've been a wreck all day. Woke up and immediately felt nervous about my date tomorrow. This girl is cute, she thinks I'm cute, and we've talked literally every night this week, but I have this feeling I'm competing with other guys for her. Guys my age who have already graduated college and have decent jobs instead of making coffee like I do.

Is this type of anxiety normal?
 
ConradCervantes said:
Ugh, I've been a wreck all day. Woke up and immediately felt nervous about my date tomorrow. This girl is cute, she thinks I'm cute, and we've talked literally every night this week, but I have this feeling I'm competing with other guys for her. Guys my age who have already graduated college and have decent jobs instead of making coffee like I do.

Is this type of anxiety normal?
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It is, but what CAN you do here? You can't control what the the other doods do or say, or what this girl does or say. What you can control is yourself and how you act so just focus on that.

On the other hand, this girl has many suitors right? and she chose you right? What does that say about your awesomeness?

I would be EXCITED that she chose me over all the other guys to hang out. That means I must be freaking awesome
 
So a girl I met on a dating site lives 30ish minutes from me just so happens to be in the same place as me a few days back and spotted me from a far. After texting and confirming it was me who she saw (I didnt see her), things have.. some what cooled to say the least, haha. I went from constant contact to barely hearing from her and when I do its 2 word texts just answering things I ask. I would always have recieved replies and morning texts prior to her seeing me, now I only get a reply to texts I send asking stuff. All conversation has pretty much flat lined, she seems totally uninterested and to be honest, I dont think I would hear from her now if I left her to her own devices. Great.

The awkward moment that confirms you're not particularly good looking in real life, lol

To say this has knocked my confidence about meeting girls I get talking to online is a HUGE understatement.. Whats the point in striking up conversations with girls who probably wont find me attractive in real life. Fuck sake
 
Bucket-o-roadkill said:
So a girl I met on a dating site lives 30ish minutes from me just so happens to be in the same place as me a few days back and spotted me from a far. After texting and confirming it was me who she saw (I didnt see her), things have.. some what cooled to say the least, haha. I went from constant contact to barely hearing from her and when I do its 2 word texts just answering things I ask.

The awkward moment that confirms you're not particularly good looking in real life, lol

To say this has knocked my confidence about meeting girls I get talking to online is a HUGE understatement.. Whats the point in striking up conversations with girls who probably wont find me attractive in real life. Fuck sake
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Did you ever try to arrange a date with this girl? If not why do you care what she thinks of you?
 
Bucket-o-roadkill said:
So a girl I met on a dating site lives 30ish minutes from me just so happens to be in the same place as me a few days back and spotted me from a far. After texting and confirming it was me who she saw (I didnt see her), things have.. some what cooled to say the least, haha. I went from constant contact to barely hearing from her and when I do its 2 word texts just answering things I ask.

The awkward moment that confirms you're not particularly good looking in real life, lol

To say this has knocked my confidence about meeting girls I get talking to online is a HUGE understatement.. Whats the point in striking up conversations with girls who probably wont find me attractive in real life. Fuck sake
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At least they are talking to you, iv'e been on match.com dating site for nearly a whole week. Only two have looked at my profile and nobody answers me when i talk/ask questions to them. I really don't know what to do anymore. :/
 
Been talking to a girl in my social dance class (it's fun being a business major in the middle of a ton of dance majors) for a few weeks now, and she suggested we should hang out sometime. I walked with her to her next class and got her number, so I have hers but she doesn't have mine. When should I text her to exchange numbers, ASAP or later? Or possibly later tonight?
 
So I've been hitting off well with this girl from OKC over the last few days. We've been chatting due to her being in Kentucky and she gets back Monday. It's amazing how much stuff we connect on and she gets my sense of humor over chatting. I haven't told her about my CF yet, I'm still deciding when to tell her. Do I tell her now and risk her running or do I save it until a coupe dates in, if we get to that point, and risk "not being totally honest"?

Seeing that she is still in KY she isn't able to do anything this weekend, but she did say this next week is pretty clear when she gets back. So I'm pretty sure that was a preliminary agreement to go do something next week. She likes wine so I might take her to a wine tasting they do at some places around here.

A question though, and it takes a bit of back story. I've started trying to "turn up the charm" now that I've established some rapport with her and as we were talking last night and I was joking/prodding her about going to FSU because I was born and raised a UF guy. She said I was talking to a girl who has slippers with the mascot head on them. I responded to her "Well if the girl wearing them is cute enough I can overlook that." She came back with "Haha, you're slick." Today I was chatting with her and asked if she had a bit of an accent seeing that she was born in Kentucky and she said she has a bit on certain words. I responded with "Cool, cute girl with a bit of a twang." She simply came back with "Haha, it comes and goes." Should I read anything into the fact that she didn't say "Thank you" or are some girls just like that?
 
ConradCervantes said:
Ugh, I've been a wreck all day. Woke up and immediately felt nervous about my date tomorrow. This girl is cute, she thinks I'm cute, and we've talked literally every night this week, but I have this feeling I'm competing with other guys for her. Guys my age who have already graduated college and have decent jobs instead of making coffee like I do.

Is this type of anxiety normal?
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I get anxious to a comedic level before first dates. Things always go smoother than expected though.
 
CF_Fighter said:
So I've been hitting off well with this girl from OKC over the last few days. We've been chatting due to her being in Kentucky and she gets back Monday. It's amazing how much stuff we connect on and she gets my sense of humor over chatting. I haven't told her about my CF yet, I'm still deciding when to tell her. Do I tell her now and risk her running or do I save it until a coupe dates in, if we get to that point, and risk "not being totally honest"?

Seeing that she is still in KY she isn't able to do anything this weekend, but she did say this next week is pretty clear when she gets back. So I'm pretty sure that was a preliminary agreement to go do something next week. She likes wine so I might take her to a wine tasting they do at some places around here.

A question though, and it takes a bit of back story. I've started trying to "turn up the charm" now that I've established some rapport with her and as we were talking last night and I was joking/prodding her about going to FSU because I was born and raised a UF guy. She said I was talking to a girl who has slippers with the mascot head on them. I responded to her "Well if the girl wearing them is cute enough I can overlook that." She came back with "Haha, you're slick." Today I was chatting with her and asked if she had a bit of an accent seeing that she was born in Kentucky and she said she has a bit on certain words. I responded with "Cool, cute girl with a bit of a twang." She simply came back with "Haha, it comes and goes." Should I read anything into the fact that she didn't say "Thank you" or are some girls just like that?
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You don't have to compliment her at every opportunity, but I wouldn't read much into it. Have fun on your first date!
 
tranciful said:
You don't have to compliment her at every opportunity, but I wouldn't read much into it. Have fun on your first date!
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Oh I know not to do it at every turn, but I've realized that a couple times I've met up with girls on dates from online sites I've sort of dropped the ball on complimenting them. So I'm trying to correct that.

On another note I'm going out with a friend I've never really "partied with" on the level we're doing tonight. I'm gonna try my best to talk to other girls, and put this girl from OKC on the side for the evening. It would be great if something happens with this girl online, but I'm not gonna ruin a night of possibilities over a "maybe" I haven't even met in real life.
 
BronzeWolf said:
Did you ever try to arrange a date with this girl? If not why do you care what she thinks of you?
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We were going to sort something, we had phone conversations and she seemed very keen. Until she saw me. Lol

Mr Swine said:
At least they are talking to you, iv'e been on match.com dating site for nearly a whole week. Only two have looked at my profile and nobody answers me when i talk/ask questions to them. I really don't know what to do anymore. :/
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Thats not uncommon for me either so dont worry. Dating online isn't great, as I've found out. I mean my pics aren't awful I dont know what this girl was expecting. Brad Pitt or something by the way she's been acting since seeing me.
 
Mr Swine said:
At least they are talking to you, iv'e been on match.com dating site for nearly a whole week. Only two have looked at my profile and nobody answers me when i talk/ask questions to them. I really don't know what to do anymore. :/
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If I'm remembering right, you can't even read the messages received on match.com unless you have a paid membership, which the majority of users don't have. So you shouldn't worry too much about that.
 
Kad5 said:
What the hell is with you guys?

I didn't feel like fucking her anyway.
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Then stop worrying about what everyone thinks. If it's any consolation, I think you did nothing wrong for not sleeping with her. If she's going to hold that against you, then is that someone you really want to date? You don't need to fuck every girl every time an opportunity arises.
 
BLAHHHHHHHHHSOIDVWEIOGWIORMG.

I've been interested in this girl in my class (not the bible one) for awhile now. Been meaning to ask her out but I've never really gotten a good opportunity to... until today of course.

I ran into her after class and we talked, albeit briefly, while we walked to our cars. It wasn't perfect but it was probably the best chance I've gotten to ask her out thus far and I choked. UGH. I think I'm psyching myself out because she's shown some interest in me and she's undoubtedly one of the hottest girls I've seen on campus. I know I shouldn't be thinking like that, but it's hard not to.

Hopefully I'll get another opportunity next week so I can learn from this one. Either way, I definitely deserve the regret I'll be feeling this weekend.

[/vent]
 
"Daddy" girl dropped another daddy reference today... heh. I feel like Barney from How I Met Your Mother. Although there's an inkling of money issues. Nothing she said specifically, just her description of her current situation. Broke college student essentially. Too bad for her... after the last girl, I'm tightening up the wallet. Not that she was with me because I "had money", but I did go a little more with the food/activity choices because I really thought we had something going.

Putting the cart ahead of the horse though. She's cute and pretty interesting. Contemplated trying to move the date up to tonight instead of tomorrow...but I'm not feeling like going anywhere tonight. Gonna just message with her a little more then watch a movie.
 
lol... checking a few other profiles...

"Im goin to school studyin to be a vet I have 7 cats and 2dogs.."

She's ok looking, but lmao... anyone viewing that profile probably immediately BAILOUT.gif
 
Need some advice fellas. I can't believe I'm back here almost a year later over the very same girl.

Quick backstory (longer story can be found here), been good friends with a girl for a long time, and there's definitely a mutual attraction going on. I've asked her out, got denied, and realized I really didn't want to / couldn't handle being "just friends" with her, so stopped talked to her completely. This went on for about 9 months, until I got a random IM from her. We had a good conversation, and anytime she tried to flirt I'd either ignore it or change the topic. The thing is, she has contacted me multiple times now (I haven't initiated it at all), wanting to talk / asking when I'm going to be in the area. She's invited me to go out with her even. Problem is, her friends will be there, which is strange to begin with....girl's night out + me?

I guess what I'm asking is, I know this girl likes attention and is a flirt, but why contact the guy who asked her out and she said no to after all this time? My friends tell me there's no chance here (I agree), but I'm curious what GAF thinks. I'm just not entirely sure how to proceed with a girl who has said she's not interested in dating, and 9 months later comes back to me as if nothing at all has happened.
 
I'm having a bit of trouble discerning the line between being 'nice' and being a 'nice guy'. I've been talking to this girl for a while, off and on, and lately we've been talking a lot more recently, and now I'm not sure what message I've been putting across. She goes to school in NY (me being in Philly) so we've been texting as our means of communication. We had a good time together before she went back to school (went to the aquarium, went to her house, she made mac n cheese, and we talked) and so I've been trying to keep in contact with her every so often.

Let me preface this by saying she told me straight up that shes not too keen on the texting thing and I understand that, so I don't incessantly text her, but it ends up being me initiating contact more often than not. Am I looking into this too much? A couple of the times I've sent her little anecdotes or cool places her and I should go to when she's back for spring break and she seems into the idea. Am I looking into it too much when I kinda think a bit to how I am mostly the one to initiate contact? Or should I accept that she truly isn't too big a fan of texting?

I don't want to friend-zone myself this time, as I am oft known to do, but I want to know where the line between being nice and being "a nice guy". I always have trouble putting my point across on what I want. What's a good way to say "Hey, I like you" with the current means of contact I have with her (phone, text, facebook), cause doing it through those means isn't something I really care to do, as it seems like a crappy way to do it.

Am I fretting too much and driving myself crazy?
 
^Don't tell her you're into her now (although she may already be aware), tell her the next time she visits.



I have a very small problem gaf. I was talking to this girl who I met on set one day, we had a nice little chat and became facebook friends before parting ways. I messaged her asking if she'd like to hang out and she said she was out of town (she has pictures to verify this). I responded saying to let me know when she's back and she said "I will :)". She's been back for a week now and hasn't said anything. Should I just initiate conversation again or is she not into me?
 
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