what did she eat at burger king?
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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what did she eat at burger king?
SpectreFire
Member
Second date tonight this POF girl just downgraded to a 'maybe'. I feel like if I hadn't texted her this morning confirming a location, she would've dropped the bomb an hour or two before we were supposed to meet up.
Boy I hate being right.
EDIT: Date cancelled. I cancelled it because it seemed like she was putting it out on the table but didn't want to call it herself.
French fries and a soda. I mentioned one of my good friends was vegan and I tease him because all he eats is candy and she's like "haha yeah I don't eat very well either"
Also the girl I was talking to before apparently has never had sex, never been in a relationship that lasted longer than a year and thinks some guys are into her but doesn't rush into a relationship. She would like to be told they like her if someone likes her. According to her facebook note things.
Come out to Chicago; I'll shame and trick you. It'll be fun, kinda like Weekend at Bernie's.
Hypereides
Member
Well at least I would if I could. Heard great things about the windy City. That, and from what Ive heard its suppose to be the 'polish' capital in the US.
I've received nearly 140 text messages in one week from this woman xD Slightly excessive I'd say haha. I've told her twice now that I'm not interested in anything serious with her, or with anyone else, because of school and enough strange priorities on my part in that regard as it is. She just ignored it which is good I guess? Seems valid to me to be concerned with the potential consequences in this case, right?
Hypereides
Member
Oh by the way, now that we are talking about milfs & stuff.
I was out last night with some friends just chillin over some beers at a bar. And well one of my lady friends works as a bartender there. Her mother often hangs out at the place (and it bothers my lady friend alot - since shes hitting on practicly all hers and mine mutual friends).
Shes in her 40 or something, works/worked as a sexologist and is a total cougar.
Ive often caught her eyeing me and at times coming on to me. But Ive always denied her because she is NOT my type. Its a double-edge sword though, because it makes her want to chase me even harder and raises my desirability.
So, I was sitting there yesterday at a different bar now, sipping on a beer, having a smoke, just observing the venue and just talking to her and some new folks I got to know. When all of the sudden, she loudly says that she thinks Im really hot (I thought: wow, you really dont think Ive noticed you have been checking me out?"). I look at her with a really angry, annoyed grimace, pull away from her and say "What?.....", she immediately pulls away to realising what she just said.
Im gonna have to talk to my ladyfriend and end this shit for good.
Update: I talked to my friend today. In short, the answer to if she is single or not is "Maybe".
The long answer is he said she is always talking about how she might be getting back together with an ex, or something like that. It always seems up in the air what her relationship status is. He gave me her name, I found her on Facebook, but her relationship status is not public unfortunately. Friending her would probably not go well seeing as I have never actually talked to her. Not even he is friends with her on FB I noticed. Now I just have to figure out when she is working again (unless I can find some other way to see her in person) and go in blind on this one. Or should I take that "maybe" thing as a sign to bailout.gif?
Approach as if every girl is single. Maybe check for a ring.
Hypereides
Member
Facepalm.jpg
Never ask through a mutual friend/acquaintance/partner if a woman/girl, youre interested in is single. Its intimidating, needy and slightly stalkerish. And if she wants you to know, she'll tell you herself.
And if you absolutely must ask, you must do it yourself, otherwise she'll think youre born without testicles.
You kinda ruined it for yourself dude, but its alright. You live, you learn. Next time just catch up to speed with her and ask her out.
The situation where I saw her the other day wasn't right and I haven't seen her in person since that.....I wasn't sure what else to do here.
Also, she does not know I asked my friend, if that makes a difference.
Dr Duncan Steel
Member
Is planning ahead of time considered the better way of asking someone or a spur of the moment kind of date would be just as good?
This.....sort of ties into my situation too actually.
Hypereides
Member
Trust me, most women (especially the attractive ones), can sense the stink of something being off a mile away. Especially considering they have been observing/studying us men like monkeys in a cage, since the day they were born
The trigger was probably that your friend got the info without being very subtle about it.
My facebook relationship status display is set always to hidden to prevent people knowing too much.
Sure, its always good to have a plan A and B (or back up plan A & B) on how you want to tackle the situation. Just visualise what you will do, when the opportunity arises.
Life is hilarious when you say those things out loud
Sounds like an annoying situation nonetheless, good luck.I'm just going to ask as if I don't know though, the only reason I bothered to get the info was so I didn't waste my time.....
AdventureRacing
Member
I think it's time for me to go back to working out. I really let myself go during my last relationship (which is a big part of why it ended i think). I've went from being really athletic to being really unfit and it sucks. I wasn't that far off getting picked up by a professional sporting team before and now i can barely even play just casual low level stuff.
That plus i kinda let my relationship with my friends go since i've been in a relationship. That was a mistake and it's time to start paying more attention to my friends.
I also plan to put more effort into furthering my career and getting my finances in order (and hopefully get a decent place for myself as i'm going to be living with my family for a while now).
I don't plan on trying to enter another relationship until i'm completely happy with myself (otherwise how can i expect other people to be happy with me?).
That plus i kinda let my relationship with my friends go since i've been in a relationship. That was a mistake and it's time to start paying more attention to my friends.
I also plan to put more effort into furthering my career and getting my finances in order (and hopefully get a decent place for myself as i'm going to be living with my family for a while now).
I don't plan on trying to enter another relationship until i'm completely happy with myself (otherwise how can i expect other people to be happy with me?).
both good for different reasons. dont clear your schedule 5 days in advance because you're planning on asking her the day of and hoping she is free. if you want to plan ahead, ask her ahead of time. if you're doing nothing tonight, as her right now.
And you've essentially learned nothing. "Wasting your time" is the situation Anastacio is in right now. You can't try to line everything up or you'll be too late. If your friend just so happened to know if she was single, then fine, but it's not going to kill you if you chat her up for 5-10 minutes and she's attached. It's not wasting your time.
Hypereides
Member
Look, you have to see it this way: You never lose time on it, you gain experience, learn and if things dont work out, you move on.
Its pretty simple. After a couple of months you can try hitting her up again, or better yet wait for the opportunity if you by chance bang into one another spontaneously.
But she might be suspicious about approaches now, though btw. Dont take this personally, but I dont believe you have the energy nor skill set to approach her right now.
Fair enough, but I seriously doubt she even knows who I am or even remembers me. I'll just try it anyway. Like Bill O'Reilly once said "Fuck it! We'll do it live!" If it doesn't go well I'll just move on, nothing of value was lost, etc.
Hypereides
Member
Vigilant Walrus
Member
It sucks so fucking much that it's unbearable! Do you have any regrets? Are they few?
Take comfort in, if it's the case that you did all you could.
I went through a break up a while back, and it was not 4 years(only 8 months) and the thing that gave me a lot of comfort was/is this:
True regret with women. The worst kind. Or one of the worst kinds seems to stem from the relationships of people who were together with someone for 10, 12... 15.. 20 years even, but not because of love. Something was up. But one(or both of them) didnt have the guts to call it quits for various reasons(lack of love, incompatibility, fear, regret etc..) - Once those people get out of those relationships and they start by saying: "i should have ended it 10 years ago" < Thats regret.
Because in those 10 years.. I mean.. the amount of great people / experiences / potential female friends / girlfriends that could have changed your life in different directions were haltered by being exclusive with a partner who you were not supposed to be with.
We're so much better off when they call it off. We really are. We really all need to only be with people who love us unconditionally. None of us must "change" to try and make people love us. It can't be the MAIN thing.
Maybe this is bullshit philosophy. But thinking like this, has helped me tremendously.
I just dont understand why it's often like this (to my experience) :
1) woman meets new interesting guy. she thinks he is interesting, awesome, new, different. she maybe even ponders like why a unique guy like him would be with her?
2) a few months passes, and the man gets exposed. its like she finds out that he is not as special as she had made him out to be in her head. he might be nice, attractive, carring, listening, doing everything right, having his own friends, job, studies, whatever.. yet he just does not make her labia wet.
the "game pick-up artists" blogs claim that this is why nice guys loose. those that I have read, seem to be long in-depth guides to make a women crave you by some of the time not being affectious, to make her almost jealous, to make her guess, to make her want her man, and be curious about him, and almost addicted to pleasing him.
I don't know if that is true, but I haven't tried it. My brain tells me that nothing healthy can come from scamming or powerplaying the other person in a relationship, but then again, I seem to lose women, by having them lose interest in me.
However I have to figure out how the fuck I'm going to see her in person again. I can't just walk into the store every day going "Is she here? Is she here now? How about now?"
Hypereides
Member
Well, Alpha males are more sought after because, compared to beautiful women they're extremely rare. And its true.
I actually witnessed a guy yesterday at Floss in Copenhagen that had a bullet proof game and even devalued me in front of a bunch of girls at a pool. Sweet jesus he was good, I think he might even be a seduction coach. Some times you win some, some times you lose some.
He was pretty arrogant, despite the fact that I told him I saw through his schemes, but he played along as if he didnt know about it. And he was definitely useing the game to play 3 norwegian girls into a 4-some or even a 3-some.
It put alot of things into perspective for me and actually made me realise some stuff I had been doing was wrong. Which I have adjusted since then.
Good stuff. Fun experience.
I've missed your story but there are more women out there. Have better things to do with your time, really
The fact that you believe you have something you need to figure out is the underlying problem.There's a big difference between being a 'nice guy', where you're coming from a position of inferiority and being a confident but considerate guy, where you're coming from a position of slight superiority. If she doesn't feel like you're a MAN, then she'll get bored.
Where that line hits depends on the person, but I'd recommend not thinking she's 'all that'. She never is.
As for pick-up artists, what they do is a little twisted. They:
1. Demonstrate excellence and social dominance (ie valuable mate)
2. Devalue the woman (increase relative value) (ex negging)
3. Demonstrate physical attraction (by touching, using suggestive language) (ex kino)
4. Faking a connection (as women are often attracted to a feeling of emotional connection)
5. Close.
Steps 2 and 4 are unethical. Despite that it does work. Talk to most guys who've gotten laid a lot, and you'll see that this works all the time.
I've missed your story but there are more women out there. Have better things to do with your time, really
.....It's a little more than "believing" I have to figure out when it's kind of impossible to ask a girl out that is not there.......
Edit: I'll post a brief summary of my story.
Saw girl that I think is hot that works at store my friend works at.
Situation was not good situation to ask her out in.
Did not even know her name or anything.
Ask friend later if she is single (she was not working this day)
He's not sure because she is always talking about possibly getting back together with her ex and such.
Say "Fuck it, We'll do it live!" and will go for it when I can actually see her again.
I don't know when she works again, so that makes this difficult.
Hypereides
Member
Its all natural selection. Its pretty much just a standard business model, its even used in job applications if you think about it.
Truth be told men have the choice to choose their partner, while women have the power to choose their suitor.
Reading female pick up artists blogs puts more perspective into this though.
What was the "not good situation"? Seems a 5 minute chat would have taken care of it.
My friend and I stopped by to bother her boyfriend (who was the guy working there that I know). I was having a really shitty day and not in the mood basically. The girl in question only stopped by to get a cup of coffee, that was pretty much it and she didn't really notice me anyway.
Sorry, my only point was that you seem to focus a lot of attention on the outcome of this particular situation when there's plenty of fish out there, that's all
I do understand where you're coming from though, of course. I'm just giving the regular advice around here which is live your own life, for you. If you meet this girl again, go for it.That's not the full story though. And not all PUAs act the same way or for the same reasons or have the same goals. Yes 2 and 4 can be seen as unethical if they're done in a mean way. But negging someone is also a way of showing someone that they haven't earned someone else's sexual interest (and/or interest in general). That's not something inherently bad or wrong. You do it all the time as well, just in different ways. In other words, it's just a way of showing others that they need to prove themselves to you in some way. Yes, it can be used to objectify women and get laid as many times as you possibly can, but that only shows the lack of character in the person, not in the "technique". As for 4: The good guys don't fake connections, they try their damndest to make real ones. And if they don't, they don't close the girl. You're over generalizing a bit here
Not all PUAs come from the same cloth.well, if you're comfortable with asking your friend whether she is single, why not ask your friend when she works next?
Hypereides
Member
That's not the full story though. And not all PUAs act the same way or for the same reasons or have the same goals. Yes 2 and 4 can be seen as unethical if they're done in a mean way. But negging someone is also a way of showing someone that they haven't earned someone else's sexual interest (and/or interest in general). That's not something inherently bad or wrong. You do it all the time as well, just in different ways. In other words, it's just a way of showing others that they need to prove themselves to you in some way. Yes, it can be used to objectify women and get laid as many times as you possibly can, but that only shows the lack of character in the person, not in the "technique". As for 4: The good guys don't fake connections, they try their damndest to make real ones. And if they don't, they don't close the girl. You're over generalizing a bit here
My man. Respeck knuckles included.
I will, but I doubt he will know.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
How did this man in copenhagen devalue you? Don't you find it depressing that it works being an asshole to other guys to make themselves look stronger? It's weird that it works like that.
Go out. There's got to be single women out there alone on Valentine's Day.
You'll find that person. When you do, you will be on top of the world (which I was). Then if you break up you will feel like utter shit (which I do now).....which at that point you just quietly say a bitter "fuck you" to every happy couple you see in public.
If you can't help but be a nice guy, go for women that are on birth control with bi tendencies. They'll appreciate affection and tenderness.
1) Being on birth control makes them find men who are less masculine more attractive. They are also more likely to choose men with positive long-term characteristics.
http://www.pharmalot.com/2011/10/birth-control-pills-boring-lovers-good-husbands/
2) Being a little bi means they find feminine characteristics attractive as well. So if you're emotionally sensitive as I am, they'll find that attractive.
There are plenty of ways to show confidence and assertiveness even if you are a nice guy. A few:
1) Make decisions, even if you don't actually care.
2) Take control of physical situations
The key is to be nice because you are confident with who you are, not because you are desperate to please.
.....I would think most people in here would hope they are on birth control anyway though.....
Oh my.
Well, if you're more masculine, it will work against you. And if she goes on birth control, then her preferences might change somewhat, which could be bad news for the relationship.
This just might need it's own thread if it goes anywhere.
I was just pointing out that without information, most people would hope they are on birth control anyway, they probably don't want babies.
Oh boy, this needs it's own thread.
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