ThisWreckage
Banned
I think I'm through with dating for the foreseeable future. I absolutely cannot stand dating. I view it as a joyless chore. But, then again, I hate people so this shouldn't surprise me.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
- Status
First of all, these threads have gone by so fast that I admit I may have missed if there was an offer having been placed. Secondly, I have a huge mental hang up where I'm paranoid by nature, so meeting some random unknown off a message board seems a bit unsafe to me (I mean, what do I really know about such a person?). I can't say off hand that I can recall being offered assistance in this regard though.
Granted it seem hypocritical of me to say that now when I've acknowledged to plan on attending the SF Bay Area GAF meetup (should it actually take place), though my mind can lesson the paranoia with that one since it's going to be a group of people in a crowded place.
But hey, who knows, maybe someone I meetup with there will offer to be a wingman.
thestopsign
Member
Yea I have approach anxiety also, but it isn't crippling by any means. It's sort of ridiculous in my mind because I always end up having fine conversations with girls if I do approach them. Just a mental block I haven't entirely beaten yet.
It's really just a mental hurdle that you eventually have to overcome. Every girl has her issues. A lot aren't intelligent, sweet, nice, good at sex, able to speak their mind, have realistic or any goals, and whatever other criteria you look for in someone. There are literally beautiful women everywhere, but outside of the small percentage of the time you're having sex (and even assuming she's good at that), what else does she offer?
It was this attitude that I'm screening them that helped me. I'm not 100% Mr. Confident, but the thought of "what has she done outside of being attractive that should make me give a shit?" has helped me over the years. Also, keep in mind that not every girl out there is looking for the exact same guy. Some women will actually like you *more* because you were nervous talking to them the first time.
Just stop worrying about the outcome.
Another thought is you can't take it personally and get stressed out about it. If my girlfriend goes out for a day, she gets hit on 3-4 times that day. Even if she only goes out 50 days a year, that's 150-200 different guys who would possibly ask her out, and she's obviously not going to date all of them. And that's not even to a club, that's to the gas station, Walmart, grocery store, etc. Sometimes it's right, and sometimes it's not. I just happened to be the lucky one of 200 or 1,000 or whatever, lol. You can't put so much stock into one girl; it's a numbers game.
So what am I supposed to do? Now I'm really fed up with my gf.
Just because I'm watching tv tonight and thus not answering her Skype messages, she is turning all drama with stuff like "quit playing games with my heart" and "doubt" on her profile info. It feels like she need to chat with me every day... I think I'm gonna jump off this train tonight as some of you suggested. ;(
I'm also afraid she will start talking shit about me on Facebook (which I don't use anymore) and to the family.
Edit: Now she's calling me, I rejected once. And told her I do not feel like video calling at this moment, and then she just keeps calling me without stopping. To me, that's disrespecting, am I wrong here? =/
Just because I'm watching tv tonight and thus not answering her Skype messages, she is turning all drama with stuff like "quit playing games with my heart" and "doubt" on her profile info. It feels like she need to chat with me every day... I think I'm gonna jump off this train tonight as some of you suggested. ;(
I'm also afraid she will start talking shit about me on Facebook (which I don't use anymore) and to the family.
Edit: Now she's calling me, I rejected once. And told her I do not feel like video calling at this moment, and then she just keeps calling me without stopping. To me, that's disrespecting, am I wrong here? =/
pstec.org
dskillzhtown
keep your strippers out of my American football
Don't you have a trip in the near future? Ride it out until then and if after the trip it continues, then cut strings. Seems like she is paranoid or just really wants to talk to you. After the trip she may calm down and feel more confident. That can be normal early on, especially if she hasn't had a bf in awhile. For tonight, tell her that you are watching a movie or whatever and you will call her later.
Now she don't want to, and says, she hopes this is the beginning of me not wanting to video call. Even though I tell her I'm watching a show and would like to call her after...
I'm just getting really fed up with her always needing me, miscalling me, sms'ing me, facebook messaging me and video calling, like i have no privacy. It seems like she want a bf who can be in contact with her every day, and I would like a relationship more with us just chatting this day and that day but not every single day, or at least not every hour.
I just think there's a lot of drama. Earlier, she wrote all over her facebook that we had broken up, but she misunderstood my English (she's not very good at that) apparently. At my father's birthday she got so drunk that she could not behave, resulting in my parents kicking her out of the house the following day. At New Year, she were hiding from everyone. She is asking me to join the gym, buy food before going to sweden and even suggested us going to hotel - I'm not rich.. Besides, the one half of the family do not accept our relationship, so much that one of my cousins have threatened leaving me. And now those we are going to in Sweden, want me to lie about where I'm going to my parents, so we need to hide at their place. So much complicated stuff and I'm not too fund of it.
And right now, she's being all dramatic, and is there one thing I disgust, it's drama. Especially as I have spent the last 2 years getting my life back together.
Edit:
Yes, we have a trip on Monday through Wednesday, and she want to have sex and all that yeeha or what you say, but I also want my daytime hours to be fun and worthwhile.
Have had so much in my head, that I even forgot all about my appointment today.
I just think that, I am not ready and do not want a relationship, were we are in contact every day. I have major stuff coming up, full-time work and school.
Besides, we didn't have any dates. We chatted for six months, had sex the first night we met, then the second night and then the third night (around Christmas all of them), and we had agreed to be sex friends but all of a sudden we just agreed to be in a relationship on SMS.
I will give it Monday through Wednesday next week but I can already see, that this will be nothing serious.
I'm just getting really fed up with her always needing me, miscalling me, sms'ing me, facebook messaging me and video calling, like i have no privacy. It seems like she want a bf who can be in contact with her every day, and I would like a relationship more with us just chatting this day and that day but not every single day, or at least not every hour.
I just think there's a lot of drama. Earlier, she wrote all over her facebook that we had broken up, but she misunderstood my English (she's not very good at that) apparently. At my father's birthday she got so drunk that she could not behave, resulting in my parents kicking her out of the house the following day. At New Year, she were hiding from everyone. She is asking me to join the gym, buy food before going to sweden and even suggested us going to hotel - I'm not rich.. Besides, the one half of the family do not accept our relationship, so much that one of my cousins have threatened leaving me. And now those we are going to in Sweden, want me to lie about where I'm going to my parents, so we need to hide at their place. So much complicated stuff and I'm not too fund of it.
And right now, she's being all dramatic, and is there one thing I disgust, it's drama. Especially as I have spent the last 2 years getting my life back together.
Edit:
Yes, we have a trip on Monday through Wednesday, and she want to have sex and all that yeeha or what you say, but I also want my daytime hours to be fun and worthwhile.
Have had so much in my head, that I even forgot all about my appointment today.
I just think that, I am not ready and do not want a relationship, were we are in contact every day. I have major stuff coming up, full-time work and school.
Besides, we didn't have any dates. We chatted for six months, had sex the first night we met, then the second night and then the third night (around Christmas all of them), and we had agreed to be sex friends but all of a sudden we just agreed to be in a relationship on SMS.
I will give it Monday through Wednesday next week but I can already see, that this will be nothing serious.
dskillzhtown
keep your strippers out of my American football
Only you know if she is worth all that drama. But gfs generally do like to heard from their bfs everyday. She seems a bit frantic and a bit crazy, but if you haven't split with her yet, she must be special on some level. I say take the trip since it has already been planned, talk to her face to face about her neediness and try to have a good time. But if she continues, then dump her. I am only saying give her until after the trip because you have been through alot of crap and you should atleast get a fun weekend out of it.
But yeah, she seems crazy.
PflargBlarg
Member
That girl I went out with a couple times is confusing the hell out of me. When we actually went out back in January she seemed pretty disinterested and that's obviously why we ended it. She was still confused and rebounding or however you want to say it from her breakup.
Now though it's just weird. She starts little chats with me almost every day. None of it is serious stuff like asking for advice or anything. Just talk about shared experiences, interests, stuff like that. Some of it is flirtatious, and she's put out an invite that we should go on a hike/photo trip soon.
She already knows that there's a different girl I'm interested in, not to say that I've lost all interest in her though.
I have a number of other female friends and none of them do this sort of thing, especially invites to things with just the two of us, so it seems unusual. Perhaps I'm misinterpreting though.
Now though it's just weird. She starts little chats with me almost every day. None of it is serious stuff like asking for advice or anything. Just talk about shared experiences, interests, stuff like that. Some of it is flirtatious, and she's put out an invite that we should go on a hike/photo trip soon.
She already knows that there's a different girl I'm interested in, not to say that I've lost all interest in her though.
I have a number of other female friends and none of them do this sort of thing, especially invites to things with just the two of us, so it seems unusual. Perhaps I'm misinterpreting though.
CF_Fighter
Member
Got another date tomorrow, going to the beach.
Good to see you'll be going to that meetup, I'm sure you'll have fun.
Also if anyone does offer to be your wingman take them up on the offer, I know I would if anyone from London-GAF was willing to be mine.
I may have a potential girl to ask out right in front of me, not sure on that.
Basically I saw her talking to my friend at a store he works at yesterday. I sent him a message later asking if he knew she was single. I will take it from there. Any tips if she does turn out to be single?
Basically I saw her talking to my friend at a store he works at yesterday. I sent him a message later asking if he knew she was single. I will take it from there. Any tips if she does turn out to be single?
BronzeWolf
Banned
I mean any tips on actually executing it given what I know. Keep in mind I haven't had to do this in over 5 years......
Aika'svyse
Banned
American women Vs English women, any difference?
SpectreFire
Member
That seems pretty stupid. Who only waits two rings? Hell, if someone called me and my phone rang twice, I'd just figure they hit the wrong number and not give two shits about it.
PflargBlarg
Member
By 'ring' he means call her twice.
I realized that it's next Friday not this Friday but I still took a haircut. Oh well, thanks for the advice though. I suppose I could wake up at least two hours before I usually wake up, go to the gym, then come back, shower and head down to class, then it's matter of a few hours before stepping into the fog door and taking on whatever awaits me on the other side. My friend keeps telling me that I'm going to get a date out of it. It's definitely going to fun to test out my flirting skills.
Next week is going to be a good week with the two GAF meet ups plus the speed dating event to look forward to.
Jamesfrom818
Banned
Does anyone else use OkCupid for pen pals? Its incredibly annoying when you're exchanging messages with someone and then they just delete their account. I was talking to this one Portuguese woman who travels around for work and she up and deleted her account.
My girl happened to be in the neighborhood after a concert last night. I had just gotten home from work when I got a text: "Wanna come say hi, sexy?"
Got into her car at 11:00 pm and finally climbed out at 2:00 am. Turns out that she's a submissive type, which meshes quite well with my dominant tendencies. Spanking, slapping, demeaning nicknames like slut and whore, etc. I'm going to tear this woman apart by the time we finally have sex.
We do like one another as well, so it's not entirely based on physicality. We spent about an hour in her backseat talking, her draped over my lap, me playing with her hair. I told her how lovely it is to finally have a woman who is as smart, if not smarter than me. Intelligence is a huge turn on for me, and she has matched me on that thus far.
But most of all it's nice to finally like someone who isn't a huge drama magnet. I felt like I was cursed for such a long time because those were the only women that I seemed to attract, but this girl just lives her life as simply as mine. We go to work, come home, eat dinner with our families, hang out with friends and call it a night. No dumb ex drama, no debilitating illnesses to worry about. She's just a enormously positive human being, and that's most likely the reason I cannot stop thinking about her.
my entire response is lolwhat .. from the first two sentences im thinknig 'awesome man! score!' and then read the third and my jaw just dropped. what? why didnt it happen that night? a. with all the sex talk and b. her text shouldve sent a hint of the mood. whats your relationship with this girl? sounds like you could've definitely taken it further if you wanted to?
in the first thread that you created, as well as in the second, i know i saw people offer you their help as wingmans, multiple times
Oh come on, you have nothing to lose even if you do it in the lamest way possible. NOTHING TO LOSE?
You could have even said, "Well golly gee pretty lady, I surely would like to have sex with you, if you're willing, and it's OK if you're not, and I were to give you my phone number, you could text me and we could have the sex. PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE"...
I just wanted to act that out.
Perhaps if you actually said that in a Goofy or Butters voice it might actually work.
Dr Duncan Steel
Member
Just realized that I only see the girl I'm trying to ask out in Tuesday's and Thursday's (because college)
No phone number, facebook or anything and next week is V-Day. It's a bad idea to ask her out on hours in advance that day isn't it? Not even for just a casual meet-up?
Shit sucks man :/
No phone number, facebook or anything and next week is V-Day. It's a bad idea to ask her out on hours in advance that day isn't it? Not even for just a casual meet-up?
Shit sucks man :/
Is there a chance she doesn't give a fuck about V-day? Even so you can still try for that night anyway, what's the worst that can happen?
Dr Duncan Steel
Member
Good point, But I dunno man the girls I've been around, as an 18 y/o, still treat it as a holy day of some sorts (which it is, some people tend to forget about that). Girls give a shit about it, especially the ones at my age group (college freshmen) but it's probably the Facebook talking.
why dont you ask her out for the friday/saturday? or tues/thurs? why specifically wednesday?
Dr Duncan Steel
Member
I honestly overlooked the fact that it's not a big deal (in some sorts) that doing nothing on Valetine's Day will hurt any of my chances. But I remember reading on a certain thread about this very subject, that single girls tend to be a little different that day and passing such an opportunity would be foolish. It was then replied with a funny Nic Cage gif.
boundedseven
Banned
Hey GAF need advice on what do you think of this strategy with this girl who says I'm just a friend but I feel she has deeper feelings and doesn't want to admit.
Let's say girl#1 is the target. I take her out along with girl#2 and a few other friends. Girl#2 is a good friend and ask her to flirt with me in to make girl#1 jealous and play me up. If girl#1 gets jealous my suspicions are correct if not then I move on.
Would this work? What if my friends play me up to girl#1 indirectly hinting she missing out?
Let's say girl#1 is the target. I take her out along with girl#2 and a few other friends. Girl#2 is a good friend and ask her to flirt with me in to make girl#1 jealous and play me up. If girl#1 gets jealous my suspicions are correct if not then I move on.
Would this work? What if my friends play me up to girl#1 indirectly hinting she missing out?
BronzeWolf
Banned
V14 is great for single guys. Single girls are on the fucking prowl, and anything you do, cheap as can be, she will love it. The alternative for her is doing nothing
So already told you she is not interested and you want to keep bothering her? WHY EXACTLY?
If you have to ask g2 to be flirty with you, you are in deep shit. You just be flirty with g2 and see what happens.
This will not work. You can't tele-convince girls to juice up their vaginas for you. You have to do the ground work
Saweet man. Keep us posted with results.
Anastacio - Dude, you're torturing yourself. You obviously have doubts and your lady-friend sounds a bit...clingy, to be honest. She will only become more attached to you with Valentine's Day. You need to stand your ground if you do not wish to keep seeing her! This is the point now where you need to decide where you stand. Do you want to go the distance and make it work? Do you want something else?
Decide before you dig a hole that's too deep!
Decide before you dig a hole that's too deep!
Hypereides
Member
Ive come to terms and realised that Flakey girl is actually a Female Pick Up Artist.... which is quite rare. Ive encountered a few, but its very uncommon to come across one... usually I ended up being played big time. This will be interesting... time to learn from my previous mistakes.
Either shes actively concious and aware about it, or is subconciously, completely natural. Which would be impressive. Thats a very rare quality in a girl.
Across this period that Ive known her, shes used and done alot of things I wouldve done myself if I was going to try to seduce someone.
Im going to bust her on it next time... well, subcommunicate it anyway.
This will be fun!
Also, I think Im announcing my reconsideration on a monogamous long term relationship. At most I'll probably be in an open relationship.
Either shes actively concious and aware about it, or is subconciously, completely natural. Which would be impressive. Thats a very rare quality in a girl.
Across this period that Ive known her, shes used and done alot of things I wouldve done myself if I was going to try to seduce someone.
Im going to bust her on it next time... well, subcommunicate it anyway.
This will be fun!
Also, I think Im announcing my reconsideration on a monogamous long term relationship. At most I'll probably be in an open relationship.
The problem is this:
-Your post tells me that she is very clingy and also needy. She has also been making demands of you that make me think she has ulterior motives. I cannot comment further than that because I have not met her in real-life (it would be unfair to her).
-You yourself doubt the relationship. This means it will not workout. What's the point of getting closer to her if she'll just become too attached for nothing?
The main problem is you've planned this trip to Sweden too far, it is impossible to bail out now. Your best bet is to enjoy the trip as much as you can, but make sure you come to terms with yourself when you return home! Do what you really want, don't be afraid to tell her "No" at some point.
If you feel it can work for you, however, then make it work. Sadly, I have not seen any evidence from you that would indicate this.
Good luck, man.
As I said, i cannot recall those instances. Nothing specific anyway. And also, due to my paranoia it may have been difficult for me to know if someone was genuinely trying to help me or trick me.
I know your paranoia is holding you back, but people were genuinely trying to help you.
No one would be doing it to trick you, why would they? The people who offered were regulars if I recall correctly.
My paranoia is quite severe. From it's perspective, everyone here is a complete stranger, and an unknown. Even by messaging someone back and forth, how well does that make you truly know them? After all, nothing is in person, you don't really know what kind of people they are when they're not in front of the screen. So my mind dreams up horrific scenarios probably inspired by media and news (craigslist scams, law and order episodes).
Again, I do not recall any specific instances of help, and certainly not in my immediate area. I think I recall maybe one where someone said they knew people in the area. But that raised red flags because then I'm not even dealing with the poster themselves, but with a second party entirely.
Even with the Bay Area GAF meetup, despite it being in a public place with lots of people, my mind is dreaming up scenarios of being shamed and attacked because of the way I am and how I've acted here.
Hypereides
Member
Doesnt mean anything. Dont take what she said seriously.
Usually it just means shes not convinced yet that youre the guy for loose arrangements.
Red fucking bombs all over the place! Youre in a fucking dangerous mine field.
You have to get the hell OUT before she strips you of all your remaining dignity and self-respect.
wow...that's just a hilariously bad idea. Girl #1 doesn't want you. Move on.
AdventureRacing
Member
Well it turns out that my relationship is over after all (been together 4 years). She may have had depression and borderline and a bunch of issues in her life but damn if i didn't love her. We're going to remain friends. She is keeping our cat (i will still be able to see him sometimes) but i am quite sad knowing he won't be around very much.
Not sure what the best way for me to move on is. I don't plan to move into another relationship too quickly. I think i need to just stay single for a while and think about what i want from life. I probably invested too much into this relationship and now that it's over i feel very lost.
Thems the breaks i guess. I guess the bright side is that it only hurts so much because we had a wonderful 4 years together.
Not sure what the best way for me to move on is. I don't plan to move into another relationship too quickly. I think i need to just stay single for a while and think about what i want from life. I probably invested too much into this relationship and now that it's over i feel very lost.
Thems the breaks i guess. I guess the bright side is that it only hurts so much because we had a wonderful 4 years together.
Hypereides
Member
Welcome back to the benefits of the single life 101.
Just take your time, relax and have fun. 4 years is a long time, get out and get new experiences.
I was recently at a jury thing and met this girl that seemed nice so I started talking to her while we were waiting. The girl was easily a 9/10 and we seemed to be hitting it off well enough. So I manned the fuck up and asked if she wanted to have lunch together during Recess. She said yes and I admitted I was unfamiliar with the area and she said she'd find a place. She chose burger king (she said she loves burger king) and said she was really hungry but was going to come back to burger king anyways later with a friend. So we sat and talked about this and that and it seemed to be going well up until she mentioned she had a boyfriend. I didn't ask about her boyfriend and kept the conversation going and it seemed to go rather well. I made sure I was walking with her (though she had very fast strides compared to me) by her side and all that and we sat back down. I had to leave though, seeing as how I wanted to be excused from the jury pool since it was going to last 6-7 days and it was 9-4 (I'd miss all my classes). Before I left I didn't ask for her number and thanked her for spending lunchtime with me.
The only thing I think that went "wrong" was she said she was a feminist and I later on mentioned that I didn't think it was very impartial that there was currently a 3:1 ratio of women to men, seeing how the trial was about a man (for the record he was black, but I didn't mention that and it is neither here nor there) who allegedly raped two different young girls. There was a moment of I guess bristling? for a second before we quickly talked for a few moments about it and then both were like "yeah it should be a 50-50 split male-female".
She did ask at one point if I was doing anything tonight, but I said I didn't have any plans and said "Why do you ask?" "No reason, just making conversation". I don't remember exactly when she started mentioning her boyfriend but I could tell she wasn't lying about it at least. She mentioned she was also a vegetarian and all that.
I always made sure I was asking about her and keeping the conversation going without too much pauses, and all that but at the end of the day she had a boyfriend so.
Probably wouldn't have worked out too much anyways, since I find that most women who are self described feminists are like live TNT. I personally am all for female equality and all that but all the feminists I've met seem extremely defensive even when you mean well. Also I love meat and she was a 7 year vegetarian so I don't know how well that would have meshed.
The only thing I think that went "wrong" was she said she was a feminist and I later on mentioned that I didn't think it was very impartial that there was currently a 3:1 ratio of women to men, seeing how the trial was about a man (for the record he was black, but I didn't mention that and it is neither here nor there) who allegedly raped two different young girls. There was a moment of I guess bristling? for a second before we quickly talked for a few moments about it and then both were like "yeah it should be a 50-50 split male-female".
She did ask at one point if I was doing anything tonight, but I said I didn't have any plans and said "Why do you ask?" "No reason, just making conversation". I don't remember exactly when she started mentioning her boyfriend but I could tell she wasn't lying about it at least. She mentioned she was also a vegetarian and all that.
I always made sure I was asking about her and keeping the conversation going without too much pauses, and all that but at the end of the day she had a boyfriend so.
Probably wouldn't have worked out too much anyways, since I find that most women who are self described feminists are like live TNT. I personally am all for female equality and all that but all the feminists I've met seem extremely defensive even when you mean well. Also I love meat and she was a 7 year vegetarian so I don't know how well that would have meshed.
Well, I have something to have it in, so I don't find the sarcasm of yours funny.
My family has been closer than ever to falling apart because of this relationship, and that affects me, so I got to think it through a lot when I come back home.
AdventureRacing
Member
I just started a new job which is taking a ton of my time so at least i can keep busy. Not sure how excited i am about enjoying the whole single life thing. I think that's because i'm still in the process of moving on, maybe in a few weeks i will be happier about it.
Hypereides
Member
Sarcasm? what are you talking about? Shes being possesive, and thats a VERY bad sign.
Seriously you need to leave her. I mean it, but its your choice to believe whatever you want.
- Status