The matter of pronouns really is an interesting side effect of the decision. Is it accurate to continue referring to Gabel as "him", since biologically nothing has been done yet? After all, the news is that Gabel intends to undergo a sex change. Or do we move on to "her" already? It seems a little soon, but Gabel has always been a woman psychologically, though biologically a man. So because of that, I err on the side of the female pronouns, if nothing else out of respect for her decision. It's an interesting ancillary problem when talking about her now.
There's two sides to this.
First, for those still calling Gabel "him" but being respectful of her decision and who she is, we need to be careful about jumping on such people for their pronoun use. The whole transgender topic can be very, very complicated, and not everybody is always going to understand it. So, I think there's care that need to be taken in saying that it may be offensive to still refer to Gabel with male pronouns.
At the same time, for those who do have some experience with the transgender topic, it's very typical to refer to a person via the pronouns of the gender they identify with, no matter if they've started transitioning or not. The belief is that what's most important about us isn't our body, but our hearts and minds. So, if those aspects of us are one particular gender, it doesn't matter what sex our body still is.
Really, though, I think the first major step is just making sure that we're being respectful to the person in question. So long as people are showing that respect, then we can deal with the final points of the situation in an informative, but not condescending manner.
Also, I can't really fault people for using the pronouns that fit the sex the person in question still presents as, unless that person has specifically asked for the use of the opposite sex of pronouns. Once Gabel begins transitioning, or asks for only female pronouns to be used in reference to her, then I find it unfortunate if anybody refers to her as a him. At this point, however, I don't find those still referring to Gabel as male to be meaningfully offensive.
Unfortunately, it's not that simple.
Absolutely. The feelings of both people need to be considered when a marriage is involved, and unfortunately more often than not there's no winning solution.
