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[Aurongel]

I need some serious help GAF, my girlfriend of 11 months is throwing a fit over something I said that I thought was harmless. The two of us are going on a trip together next month and I made a casual joke about how I'd propose to her if she's on her best behavior or something silly like that. I didn't mean it literally of course, we were just joking around and I said it in a playful sort of way that I thought would come across as silly and obvious.

Cut to today where my girlfriend is throwing a fit and saying that I lied to her and that my jokes are hurtful. My gut reaction is to say that she's being a little to wishful and is setting her expectations a bit high for this point in our relationship.

Now that I've had more time to think on it though, I've come to realize that I probably shouldn't have made a joke about something that serious in the first place despite however facetious I was trying to sound.

Anyway, I'm sure this situation must seem really silly no matter what angle you look at it from but I just wanted to get a second opinion on the matter. At this point, I'm pretty sure I'm the one who fucked up and I've been trying to explain myself and make her understand that I wasn't trying to lie for the sake of hurting her.

Any input?

 

[Devolution]

I need some serious help GAF, my girlfriend of 11 months is throwing a fit over something I said that I thought was harmless. The two of us are going on a trip together next month and I made a casual joke about how I'd propose to her if she's on her best behavior or something silly like that. I didn't mean it literally of course, we were just joking around and I said it in a playful sort of way that I thought would come across as silly and obvious.

Cut to today where my girlfriend is throwing a fit and saying that I lied to her and that my jokes are hurtful. My gut reaction is to say that she's being a little to wishful and is setting her expectations a bit high for this point in our relationship.

Now that I've had more time to think on it though, I've come to realize that I probably shouldn't have made a joke about something that serious in the first place despite however facetious I was trying to sound.

Anyway, I'm sure this situation must seem really silly no matter what angle you look at it from but I just wanted to get a second opinion on the matter. At this point, I'm pretty sure I'm the one who fucked up and I've been trying to explain myself and make her understand that I wasn't trying to lie for the sake of hurting her.

Any input?

Timedog jokes about getting me pregnant. Sounds like she needs a sense of humor.

 

[PflargBlarg]

Still, I'm not sure if that's something I would joke about.
On the other hand, you would think you would have each other's senses of humor figured out after 11 months.

 

[Devolution]

Still, I'm not sure if that's something I would joke about.
On the other hand, you would think you would have each other's senses of humor figured out after 11 months.

We've been together 11 months as well lol. So yeah. But I would watch any sort of marriage talk if you're not sure how marry crazy they are, =/. I hate to say it like that but some people think if you get along well enough and love each other marriage is obviously the next step despite how little time you've lived/been together.

 

[mjc]

Out of curiosity, what does everyone think of asking for a second date? To me it makes sense to call her, but some of my friends have said that in their experience girls prefer texts to set up future meetings.

 

[Perspicacity]

Out of curiosity, what does everyone think of asking for a second date? To me it makes sense to call her, but some of my friends have said that in their experience girls prefer texts to set up future meetings.

It really won't change her answer one way or another. Do what makes you most comfortable.

 

[zethren]

I prefer to try and set up a second date, or at least the idea of one, at the end of the first date. But texting works just fine.

It really won't change her answer one way or another. Do what makes you most comfortable.

Basically this.

 

[Cubsfan23]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NP1nnfRjhwM&feature=player_embedded#t=0s

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Out of curiosity, what does everyone think of asking for a second date? To me it makes sense to call her, but some of my friends have said that in their experience girls prefer texts to set up future meetings.

After the first date: "I had fun, we should do this again sometime."

If she says "yeah", you're golden.

If she says "I'll get back to you", move on.

 

[Minamu]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NP1nnfRjhwM&feature=player_embedded#t=0s

Sometimes even I wonder which forum it is that Brent is reading, GAF or his own Some videos fit so perfectly, it's scary.

 

[PflargBlarg]

Out of curiosity, what does everyone think of asking for a second date? To me it makes sense to call her, but some of my friends have said that in their experience girls prefer texts to set up future meetings.

Don't let the first date end without setting up a second one. It's not completely necessary but you might as well, you'll know instantly whether you should be moving on to someone else or not.

 

[maxxpower]

You guys think that girls are turned off by guys that get noticeably nervous when giving a presentation?

 

[RionaaM]

OK, so today I went to ask for info at a gym close to home. I decided I can't continue being the way I am, and if I want to change, I gotta do something. It just won't happen without some effort from my part, and now is as good a time as any. Tomorrow I'll be busy, but I think I'll sign up this Wednesday. I also want to get myself a pair of contact lenses and new glasses, and maybe a haircut. I give up on the clothing though, I'm sure I'll never learn how to do dress myself properly.

Hopefully it will help me to gain some confidence and self-steem. I'm going on holiday in a month and a half, so that would be a great time to practise socializing, specially because I'll be stuck in a cruise liner for 10 days. Any tips that could help with my shyness and zero social skills would be greatly appreciated.

 

[PflargBlarg]

You guys think that girls are turned off by guys that get noticeably nervous when giving a presentation?

This is an impossible question to answer.
I'm sure there are some that would be, but really. There's not going to be some girl who's into you but then sees you be nervous during a presentation and be all "fuck that".

 

[NeOak]

I need some serious help GAF, my girlfriend of 11 months is throwing a fit over something I said that I thought was harmless. The two of us are going on a trip together next month and I made a casual joke about how I'd propose to her if she's on her best behavior or something silly like that. I didn't mean it literally of course, we were just joking around and I said it in a playful sort of way that I thought would come across as silly and obvious.

Cut to today where my girlfriend is throwing a fit and saying that I lied to her and that my jokes are hurtful. My gut reaction is to say that she's being a little to wishful and is setting her expectations a bit high for this point in our relationship.

Now that I've had more time to think on it though, I've come to realize that I probably shouldn't have made a joke about something that serious in the first place despite however facetious I was trying to sound.

Anyway, I'm sure this situation must seem really silly no matter what angle you look at it from but I just wanted to get a second opinion on the matter. At this point, I'm pretty sure I'm the one who fucked up and I've been trying to explain myself and make her understand that I wasn't trying to lie for the sake of hurting her.

Any input?

I joked around with my ex with small black boxes and faking that i was about to kneel. Oh and about having twins and all the uh... stuff we would have to do to have them.

She needs a sense of humor.

 

[Cubsfan23]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84Mj4dBqoqY&feature=player_embedded#t=0s

 

[Omegasquash]

OK, so today I went to ask for info at a gym close to home. I decided I can't continue being the way I am, and if I want to change, I gotta do something. It just won't happen without some effort from my part, and now is as good a time as any. Tomorrow I'll be busy, but I think I'll sign up this Wednesday. I also want to get myself a pair of contact lenses and new glasses, and maybe a haircut. I give up on the clothing though, I'm sure I'll never learn how to do dress myself properly.

Hopefully it will help me to gain some confidence and self-steem. I'm going on holiday in a month and a half, so that would be a great time to practise socializing, specially because I'll be stuck in a cruise liner for 10 days. Any tips that could help with my shyness and zero social skills would be greatly appreciated.

That's....that's great to hear! You're taking charge and making change, and not letting circumstances dictate your life. And feel free to go easy on clothing...it'll come as you start to feel better about yourself.

As for the tips...don't worry about it. You'll be on a boat for 10 days with people you'll never see again (most likely). Just vocalize the zeitgeist. See a beautiful sunset? Say it. See someone you want to chat up? Lead in with asking them if they're having a good time, and if this is their first cruise. Go from there. You'll be AOK, and remember that GAF is here for support. If you start to feel down, scan this thread for resources or motivation!

 

[zlatko]

Okay I'm at a loss in what to do with my current situation in my relationship. I'm going to try to be quick and to the point since I tend to ramble about these kinds of things.

1) I'm not the jealous type at all.

2) G/F's best friend is a guy.

3) Come to learn guy and her slept in same bed together long ago frequently.

4) Learn they also kissed, learned they also fooled around, but no sex.

5) Guy always looks at her with longing in his eyes. He's also made comments about how he thinks sex with her would be fun, and how when he saw her cleavage once about 2 months back, how he wishes she was single.

6) Guy straight up told me he used to have feelings for her hardcore, waited for her to see how good they'd be together, but she never did so he opted to, "just be friends instead of not having her in his life at all."


So before all this I was at first trying to be cool with their friendship. I figured I was just being a douchey boyfriend, and needed to respect their friendship since she told me she would never do anything with him. He has recently slept on her couch, and would be coming up for her birthday and doing so again. She's turning 21, and would like to have him take her out at midnight. I can't since I have work next day, etc. Made plans to take off that Friday for her and go see the Hobbit.

I'm now at the point where I feel like I'm being a selfish dick that I want her to cut ties with him entirely. Maybe stay in touch via fbook, texting here and there, and if they bump into each other at events where they share common interests then no biggy. However, I don't think I can say that to her, because I outright feel she will not give up her friends(nor should she have to), for me.

There's no way I can see myself being cool with them hanging out alone anymore, or around me. All I can think of is them fooling around now while I'm at work, and it pisses me off like no other. I know this fucker would pounce given the chance.

Tell me GAF, wtf do I do? I don't want to lose her since I love her, but I can't stomach this shit.

 

[Cubsfan23]

either break up or start hanging out alone with other girls, and let her know about it

 

[zlatko]

either break up or start hanging out alone with other girls

There's an issue. I moved out to Colorado about a year ago, and the friends I've made her are few, and its mostly family and her I have going on. So I can't try to prove my point by hanging out with other chicks. I've told her to put herself in my shoes though.

 

[Cubsfan23]

I can already tell she won't listen to you, or try to hide being with him, so go with your gut on what to do.

 

[FallingEdge]

You really shouldn't be trying to prove a point by hanging out with other girls. Talk to her and let her know how you feel. That you trust her but the guy is just giving you a bad vibe and you don't appreciate his attitude about it all. Communication is key.

 

[zlatko]

I can already tell she won't listen to you, or try to hide being with him, so go with your gut on what to do.

Am I being irrational or immature at all? Given the evidence would you think the same way I do about him and her hanging out, or am I missing something that could help me be cool with this shit?

 

[zlatko]

You really shouldn't be trying to prove a point by hanging out with other girls. Talk to her and let her know how you feel. That you trust her but the guy is just giving you a bad vibe and you don't appreciate his attitude about it all. Communication is key.

I've done this. She just doesn't see him as more than a friend. I've been talking to her about it and just now left it on that I need time to digest all this before talking more about it.

She just repeats the same lines of "i love you, i would never do anything with him." Which is fine and all, but I can't stand the thought of a guy who has admitted feelings for her, fooled around with her, to be around her or near me. It's one thing if you are just buddies and nothing has ever went down, but this isn't that.

 

[Perspicacity]

You could have sex with him to prove your point.

 

[Log4Girlz]

There's an issue. I moved out to Colorado about a year ago, and the friends I've made her are few, and its mostly family and her I have going on. So I can't try to prove my point by hanging out with other chicks. I've told her to put herself in my shoes though.

She has a second boyfriend. She's not going to drop him for you. If you break up, there's a strong chance she goes right to him. So its either suck it up or break up.

 

[Cubsfan23]

Am I being irrational or immature at all? Given the evidence would you think the same way I do about him and her hanging out, or am I missing something that could help me be cool with this shit?

The real issue is that some women will only respect you if they know you can drop them in a second, if they act like this. You just gotta become a guy that can attract almost anybody you want.

With how you are now, you shouldn't be in a relationship with a girl of this type.

 

[zlatko]

She has a second boyfriend. She's not going to drop him for you. If you break up, there's a strong chance she goes right to him. So its either suck it up or break up.

This is also true. When we got into an argument the other week and she was crying, he drove about a hour to go see her and comfort her, and then slept on her couch.

 

[Log4Girlz]

This is also true. When we got into an argument the other week and she was crying, he drove about a hour to go see her and comfort her, and then slept on her couch.

What do you want with this girl?

 

[zlatko]

The real issue is that some women will only respect you if they know you can drop them in a second, if they act like this. You just gotta become a guy that can attract almost anybody you want.

With how you are now, you shouldn't be in a relationship with a girl of this type.

Thing is I've almost broken up with her twice. Once around 4 months ago. Another time 2 months ago. First time because she was being a bitch and putting me down.(Never happened since) Second time, because it felt like we were moving too fast, I wasn't feeling like she does, and so I felt I'd be leading her on and wasting her time if I didn't feel the way she does. Luckily I do now.

She tells me quite often she's scared I'll leave her.

What do you want with this girl?

Really tough question, but I want to keep dating her because I like being with her. If she's "the one" I don't know, too early for a guy like me to tell I think, but I love when we spend time together. (Rare since she lives a hour away and our work schedules are opposite, so we only get weekends)

 

[EvaristeG]

Hey Dating-Age, I'm a little confused right now so I'd appreciate your input on a girl I met recently. I met her at college, we're part of the same group of friends. Thought she was cute almost immediately and she seemed into me. To sum it up, she was very curious towards me, always initiating contact, sometimes physical contact, and overall very playful. I didn't ask her out or anything at first though since I was kind of chasing other girls, hooked up with some of them but realized they were ininteresting/not GF material so I went back to this girl eventually, which I think is truly interesting.
So we went to a bar last night, with another group of friends and her. She was always coming towards me this night, especially when I was hitting on other girls. I had the opportunity to hook up with a girl but didn't because I wanted to spend more time with this girl, and also because I was a little too drunk. Anyway, this night she asked A LOT of questions about my past sentimental life and told me about hers, I was surprised to learn that she didn't have many boyfriends in the past, and told her so. Anyway, before leaving I eventually asked her out and she was apparently glad I did since she replied «I won't let you forget it !» (apparently she thinks I'm some kind of PUA, she says a lot of things in this regard...)
Two days later I text her and invite her to this thing I was already doing (museum), she confirms that she'll be here. But when the day (after) comes, she texts me three hours before the date to tell me that she was sick and not going out today. I must admit I was kind of mad/surprised. I asked one of my bros at college whom has classes with her if it was true, he said she didn't come at all. He knows her for a year and told me she always comes to class.
Problem is, since I had this information way too late, prior to this I just ignored her since I was pissed. She sent me this around 1PM, but at 9PM I finally sent her a message wishing her to get better. I don't think it can do any harm...
Now the question is : should I move on or not ?

 

[Log4Girlz]

Hey Dating-Age, I'm a little confused right now so I'd appreciate your input on a girl I met recently. I met her at college, we're part of the same group of friends. Thought she was cute almost immediately and she seemed into me. To sum it up, she was very curious towards me, always initiating contact, sometimes physical contact, and overall very playful. I didn't ask her out or anything at first though since I was kind of chasing other girls, hooked up with some of them but realized they were ininteresting/not GF material so I went back to this girl eventually, which I think is truly interesting.
So we went to a bar last night, with another group of friends and her. She was always coming towards me this night, especially when I was hitting on other girls. I had the opportunity to hook up with a girl but didn't because I wanted to spend more time with this girl, and also because I was a little too drunk. Anyway, this night she asked A LOT of questions about my past sentimental life and told me about hers, I was surprised to learn that she didn't have many boyfriends in the past, and told her so. Anyway, before leaving I eventually asked her out and she was apparently glad I did since she replied «I won't let you forget it !» (apparently she thinks I'm some kind of PUA, she says a lot of things in this regard...)
Two days later I text her and invite her to this thing I was already doing (museum), she confirms that she'll be here. But when the day (after) comes, she texts me three hours before the date to tell me that she was sick and not going out today. I must admit I was kind of mad/surprised. I asked one of my bros at college whom has classes with her if it was true, he said she didn't come at all. He knows her for a year and told me she always comes to class.
Problem is, since I had this information way too late, prior to this I just ignored her since I was pissed. She sent me this around 1PM, but at 9PM I finally sent her a message wishing her to get better. I don't think it can do any harm...
Now the question is : should I move on or not ?

Move on. If she's interested in you she'll communicate with you and then you can move back if you want.

 

[Az987]

I could use some advice.

I've been seeing someone since the end of July. We were getting along great but we never put a label on what we were. Eventually I asked and she told me she didn't know and kind of evaded the question.

We did however make a deal when we first started seeing each other that we wouldn't have sex with other people while we were seeing one another and if either of us met someone we'd let the other one know and go our separate ways.

Now since then we've seen each other basically every single weekend and not just seen each other but usually I would stay at her place for the entire weekend or from Friday to Tuesday. One time I stayed the entire week and when we weren't together we'd talk on the phone pretty much every night. She even talked about me moving in with her and just last week told me her father might let her live in a house he owns in Atlanta and asked if I would move down there with her.I live in Maryland so that's pretty far.

She told me she loved me on 3 occasions and I got the feeling she had been hurt in the past but she never really went into it. I started having a feeling like she was seeing other people so I asked her. She told me no until last Friday when I asked had she had sex with anyone else since we met, she said no. I asked about oral sex and she said she let someone go down on her.

I felt very hurt and it eventually led to a fight where we both stormed off the next day and we haven't talked to one another since.

Am I wrong for assuming we were in a relationship? She asked me to fucking move over 1000 miles away from my family with her, you don't normally move in with a fuck buddy.

Shes been telling me mixed things since we met and I feel like she wants a boyfriend but at the same time doesn't want to be someones girlfriend if that makes sense.

 

[Log4Girlz]

I could use some advice.

I've been seeing someone since the end of July. We were getting along great but we never put a label on what we were. Eventually I asked and she told me she didn't know and kind of evaded the question.

We did however make a deal when we first started seeing each other that we wouldn't have sex with other people while we were seeing one another and if either of us met someone we'd let the other one know and go our separate ways.

Now since then we've seen each other basically every single weekend and not just seen each other but usually I would stay at her place for the entire weekend or from Friday to Tuesday. One time I stayed the entire week and when we weren't together we'd talk on the phone pretty much every night. She even talked about me moving in with her and just last week told me her father might let her live in a house he owns in Atlanta and asked if I would move down there with her.I live in Maryland so that's pretty far.

She told me she loved me on 3 occasions and I got the feeling she had been hurt in the past but she never really went into it. I started having a feeling like she was seeing other people so I asked her. She told me no until last Friday when I asked had she had sex with anyone else since we met, she said no. I asked about oral sex and she said she let someone go down on her.

I felt very hurt and it eventually led to a fight where we both stormed off the next day and we haven't talked to one another since.

Am I wrong for assuming we were in a relationship? She asked me to fucking move over 1000 miles away from my family with her, you don't normally move in with a fuck buddy.

Shes been telling me mixed things since we met and I feel like she wants a boyfriend but at the same time doesn't want to be someones girlfriend if that makes sense.

I've known people like this. Oh, I want you to be all about me, but I'm not all about you.

 

[electricshake]

I've done this. She just doesn't see him as more than a friend. I've been talking to her about it and just now left it on that I need time to digest all this before talking more about it.

She just repeats the same lines of "i love you, i would never do anything with him." Which is fine and all, but I can't stand the thought of a guy who has admitted feelings for her, fooled around with her, to be around her or near me. It's one thing if you are just buddies and nothing has ever went down, but this isn't that.

You either trust her or you don't. What's happened has happened, you can't change it. You either have to accept it and get over yourself, or dump her. You can't ask her to pick between her boyfriend and her best friend. Well you can but it doesn't seem like a good idea.

 

[Minamu]

Being a girl is rough. 99 new visits in less than 4 hours. My buddy and I decided to make a fake account on a dating site to see for ourselves what girls go through. A couple of guys wanted to meet us before we had even written a profile. Maybe half of those visitors sent a message, most of those just being a boring "Hi". It didn't take long for us to be shocked to see someone write "Hey" or add a smiley. I kinda wish we hadn't done this. What we saw cannot be unseen.

 

[zlatko]

You either trust her or you don't. What's happened has happened, you can't change it. You either have to accept it and get over yourself, or dump her. You can't ask her to pick between her boyfriend and her best friend. Well you can but it doesn't seem like a good idea.

Yeah I can't ask her and I won't.

I just feel it's a shitty situation, because if the shoe was on the other foot the guy would probably have to pick one or the other. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it.

Either way thanks for the advice guys. I'll come to a decision later.

 

[low-G]

Pretty important issue/problem coming up with this girl I've been dating for ~4 months now. We started our relationship 1 month in. It's a long distance relationship (~2 hour drive). I've never had problems visiting her.

She's always been pretty persistent about stuff like marriage and wanting to have kids and all stuff like that, but she's also very unwilling to compromise, as if moving to my area is the end of the world.

Now she's telling me that she can't go 18 months without marriage, but I can damn well tell you she's not gonna find another guy, fall in love, and get him to marry her in less time. She's being extremely impatient and insecure.

I don't even know where to go with it. We were video chatting tonight and nothing I said made any difference. She accused me of all sorts of things I haven't done. She was acting really nuts, like actually insane nuts. I don't think she really is nuts, but she's never been nearly this bad. In the end I just had to cut her off. I didn't do it rudely or abruptly but I had to, we weren't getting anywhere, there was no other way of ending it.

So what does this mean? If this is her true colors I never want to marry her, but I haven't seen this side of her really before. Normally she's like this 1/40th of the time, and never even remotely as extreme.

So what does GAF say? If she was just calmer she may very be the one. I have thought a lot about marrying her, but she wants it very soon and on her terms. I don't want to lose her, but part of me figures it might be better to cut her loose. I fear for her because it's not like she's going to find a path with her attitude. But I know I can't deal with this on a constant basis.

If we talk tomorrow and she's not upset anymore and she doesn't get like this often, maybe it's doable. Just wanted some basic GAF thoughts.

 

[Devolution]

Pretty important issue/problem coming up with this girl I've been dating for ~4 months now. We started our relationship 1 month in. It's a long distance relationship (~2 hour drive). I've never had problems visiting her.

She's always been pretty persistent about stuff like marriage and wanting to have kids and all stuff like that, but she's also very unwilling to compromise, as if moving to my area is the end of the world.

Now she's telling me that she can't go 18 months without marriage, but I can damn well tell you she's not gonna find another guy, fall in love, and get him to marry her in less time. She's being extremely impatient and insecure.

I don't even know where to go with it. We were video chatting tonight and nothing I said made any difference. She accused me of all sorts of things I haven't done. She was acting really nuts, like actually insane nuts. I don't think she really is nuts, but she's never been nearly this bad. In the end I just had to cut her off. I didn't do it rudely or abruptly but I had to, we weren't getting anywhere, there was no other way of ending it.

So what does this mean? If this is her true colors I never want to marry her, but I haven't seen this side of her really before. Normally she's like this 1/40th of the time, and never even remotely as extreme. And you're long distance so you haven't even lived together. She sounds irrational.

So what does GAF say? If she was just calmer she may very be the one. I have thought a lot about marrying her, but she wants it very soon and on her terms. I don't want to lose her, but part of me figures it might be better to cut her loose. I fear for her because it's not like she's going to find a path with her attitude. But I know I can't deal with this on a constant basis.

If we talk tomorrow and she's not upset anymore and she doesn't get like this often, maybe it's doable. Just wanted some basic GAF thoughts.

Someone insistent on marrying within that time frame and you not wanting to is a dealbreaker. One of you is going to be miserable. Honestly dating for 4 months and pushing the marriage angle? Not good.

 

[Log4Girlz]

Pretty important issue/problem coming up with this girl I've been dating for ~4 months now. We started our relationship 1 month in. It's a long distance relationship (~2 hour drive). I've never had problems visiting her.

She's always been pretty persistent about stuff like marriage and wanting to have kids and all stuff like that, but she's also very unwilling to compromise, as if moving to my area is the end of the world.

Now she's telling me that she can't go 18 months without marriage, but I can damn well tell you she's not gonna find another guy, fall in love, and get him to marry her in less time. She's being extremely impatient and insecure.

I don't even know where to go with it. We were video chatting tonight and nothing I said made any difference. She accused me of all sorts of things I haven't done. She was acting really nuts, like actually insane nuts. I don't think she really is nuts, but she's never been nearly this bad. In the end I just had to cut her off. I didn't do it rudely or abruptly but I had to, we weren't getting anywhere, there was no other way of ending it.

So what does this mean? If this is her true colors I never want to marry her, but I haven't seen this side of her really before. Normally she's like this 1/40th of the time, and never even remotely as extreme.

So what does GAF say? If she was just calmer she may very be the one. I have thought a lot about marrying her, but she wants it very soon and on her terms. I don't want to lose her, but part of me figures it might be better to cut her loose. I fear for her because it's not like she's going to find a path with her attitude. But I know I can't deal with this on a constant basis.

If we talk tomorrow and she's not upset anymore and she doesn't get like this often, maybe it's doable. Just wanted some basic GAF thoughts.

You enjoy that box full of crazy. I mean, dump her.

 

[EviLore]

Pretty important issue/problem coming up with this girl I've been dating for ~4 months now. We started our relationship 1 month in. It's a long distance relationship (~2 hour drive). I've never had problems visiting her.

She's always been pretty persistent about stuff like marriage and wanting to have kids and all stuff like that, but she's also very unwilling to compromise, as if moving to my area is the end of the world.

Now she's telling me that she can't go 18 months without marriage, but I can damn well tell you she's not gonna find another guy, fall in love, and get him to marry her in less time. She's being extremely impatient and insecure.

I don't even know where to go with it. We were video chatting tonight and nothing I said made any difference. She accused me of all sorts of things I haven't done. She was acting really nuts, like actually insane nuts. I don't think she really is nuts, but she's never been nearly this bad. In the end I just had to cut her off. I didn't do it rudely or abruptly but I had to, we weren't getting anywhere, there was no other way of ending it.

So what does this mean? If this is her true colors I never want to marry her, but I haven't seen this side of her really before. Normally she's like this 1/40th of the time, and never even remotely as extreme.

So what does GAF say? If she was just calmer she may very be the one. I have thought a lot about marrying her, but she wants it very soon and on her terms. I don't want to lose her, but part of me figures it might be better to cut her loose. I fear for her because it's not like she's going to find a path with her attitude. But I know I can't deal with this on a constant basis.

If we talk tomorrow and she's not upset anymore and she doesn't get like this often, maybe it's doable. Just wanted some basic GAF thoughts.

Marriage shouldn't be a measure of time passing, it shouldn't be forced, and it shouldn't ever be an expectation. After four months, this? As much as the 39/40 is liked, this would be a dealbreaker for me, 100%, even taking into account having fallen in love with her in that time frame. It's just no good. Do not let yourself get caught up in her neediness or these insane requirements. It's far better to let her go now than a year down the road when you're facing this time limit for marriage when you may not feel ready to spend the rest of your life with her. Four months, and trying to force you into marriage. Fuck that noise. To any sane person that is not something you do, no matter how much you love or want another person.

 

[Devolution]

Also since I'm drunk and really not in the mood to censor myself, don't let her guilt trip you into shit. Seen that happen far too often.

"But if you loved me you'd ____."

No fuck off with the manipulation.

 

[Castor Krieg]

Pretty important issue/problem coming up with this girl I've been dating for ~4 months now. We started our relationship 1 month in. It's a long distance relationship (~2 hour drive). I've never had problems visiting her.

She's always been pretty persistent about stuff like marriage and wanting to have kids and all stuff like that, but she's also very unwilling to compromise, as if moving to my area is the end of the world.

Now she's telling me that she can't go 18 months without marriage, but I can damn well tell you she's not gonna find another guy, fall in love, and get him to marry her in less time. She's being extremely impatient and insecure.

I don't even know where to go with it. We were video chatting tonight and nothing I said made any difference. She accused me of all sorts of things I haven't done. She was acting really nuts, like actually insane nuts. I don't think she really is nuts, but she's never been nearly this bad. In the end I just had to cut her off. I didn't do it rudely or abruptly but I had to, we weren't getting anywhere, there was no other way of ending it.

So what does this mean? If this is her true colors I never want to marry her, but I haven't seen this side of her really before. Normally she's like this 1/40th of the time, and never even remotely as extreme.

So what does GAF say? If she was just calmer she may very be the one. I have thought a lot about marrying her, but she wants it very soon and on her terms. I don't want to lose her, but part of me figures it might be better to cut her loose. I fear for her because it's not like she's going to find a path with her attitude. But I know I can't deal with this on a constant basis.

If we talk tomorrow and she's not upset anymore and she doesn't get like this often, maybe it's doable. Just wanted some basic GAF thoughts.

Long distance relationship is 2 hours drive now? Lol wut.

Also, how old is she? Might be she feels pressured from someone to marry and start a family.

 

[Devolution]

Long distance relationship is 2 hours drive now? Lol wut.

Also, how old is she? Might be she feels pressured from someone to marry and start a family.

If the 2 hours makes it hard to see them often why wouldn't it be long distance? Plus they're not living together.

 

[Log4Girlz]

Long distance relationship is 2 hours drive now? Lol wut.

Also, how old is she? Might be she feels pressured from someone to marry and start a family.

Dude, 2 hours is a long fucking drive.

 

[FO-totality]

Dude, 2 hours is a long fucking drive.

But's still a do-able distance for like the weekend, especially if there is a good half-way point.

 

[Devolution]

But's still a do-able distance for like the weekend, especially if there is a good half-way point.

Yeah but essentially that means once a week visits if they're even up to that and she's talking marriage. Um no.

 

[low-G]

I'm hoping this was some rare fit of anxiety and other odd factors, because she's frankly never acted like this, but it is an extreme version of how she acts sometimes, like I said 1/40th of the time. I have my nutty moments too, so I can tolerate a lot too, but neither of our moments were like tonight with her. My concern is this is some level closer to the core of her actual being.

The issue might spring up with us not having gotten together this last weekend because I was getting stuff done, and the weekend following next we were planning on taking off for some of her school stuff. So we're not together for ~10 days and she's like this.

I'm inclined to say 2 hours isn't really long distance either, but that's what she's calling it and how she's experiencing it. I don't mind the drives at all, I actually kind of like them (in a zen/relaxation way). She doesn't have a driver's license, I do.

If >18 months will make her miserable it probably would be best we broke up. Weird thing is none of these prospects bother me much at this moment. I love her. I guess I know she wouldn't be better without me. Is that weird to say? Yeah maybe there's some more tolerant or more desperate guy that would give in but that's not gonna make her happy. If what I saw tonight is her, nothing will make her happy except her changing, and any hint that what she's saying isn't perfect sense tonight just made her upset.

Her father pressures her to marry constantly. Her family is really religious, neither of us are.

You're right that it's borderline manipulative behavior (she's experiencing it emotionally, I don't think it's some clever super genius plot of manipulation), except for whatever reason it isn't finding any purchase in me. I'm too strong for that. Doesn't matter how far down the road it is for me. I have my own mind for what's right.

As someone of constantly, rapid, positive change myself I do hold hope that I can change her ever so slightly to be able to compromise on this or that. It seems like the few things I have changed with her she resents slightly. I don't understand that mentality.

All I can think is she has a lot of deep emotional neediness that sometimes surfaces in these extremely insecure ways. Again, I have a ton of that myself. We're actually quite similar. We have virtually identical experiences in dating and sex and such. Similar interests. Maybe too similar?

Tonight? If this was every night, hell, every week, that's indeed a deal breaker. We both flip out a little in our own ways occasionally, but nothing like this.

Anyways. It's actually interesting to me, and I have no compunction at this moment of riding it out and seeing if this happens again. If I have to break up with her I will, but for now I'll say maybe this was a fluke.

 

[Devolution]

stuff

So you do all the driving. Does she still live with her family?

 

[ArynCrinn]

I'm hoping this was some rare fit of anxiety and other odd factors, because she's frankly never acted like this, but it is an extreme version of how she acts sometimes, like I said 1/40th of the time. I have my nutty moments too, so I can tolerate a lot too, but neither of our moments were like tonight with her. My concern is this is some level closer to the core of her actual being.

The issue might spring up with us not having gotten together this last weekend because I was getting stuff done, and the weekend following next we were planning on taking off for some of her school stuff. So we're not together for ~10 days and she's like this.

I'm inclined to say 2 hours isn't really long distance either, but that's what she's calling it and how she's experiencing it. I don't mind the drives at all, I actually kind of like them (in a zen/relaxation way). She doesn't have a driver's license, I do.

If >18 months will make her miserable it probably would be best we broke up. Weird thing is none of these prospects bother me much at this moment. I love her. I guess I know she wouldn't be better without me. Is that weird to say? Yeah maybe there's some more tolerant or more desperate guy that would give in but that's not gonna make her happy. If what I saw tonight is her, nothing will make her happy except her changing, and any hint that what she's saying isn't perfect sense tonight just made her upset.

Her father pressures her to marry constantly. Her family is really religious, neither of us are.

You're right that it's borderline manipulative behavior (she's experiencing it emotionally, I don't think it's some clever super genius plot of manipulation), except for whatever reason it isn't finding any purchase in me. I'm too strong for that. Doesn't matter how far down the road it is for me. I have my own mind for what's right.

As someone of constantly, rapid, positive change myself I do hold hope that I can change her ever so slightly to be able to compromise on this or that. It seems like the few things I have changed with her she resents slightly. I don't understand that mentality.

All I can think is she has a lot of deep emotional neediness that sometimes surfaces in these extremely insecure ways. Again, I have a ton of that myself. We're actually quite similar. We have virtually identical experiences in dating and sex and such. Similar interests. Maybe too similar?

Tonight? If this was every night, hell, every week, that's indeed a deal breaker. We both flip out a little in our own ways occasionally, but nothing like this.

Anyways. It's actually interesting to me, and I have no compunction at this moment of riding it out and seeing if this happens again. If I have to break up with her I will, but for now I'll say maybe this was a fluke.

I'd say just give the situation some time and feel it out, don't underestimate the tendency people have to either push hard for ideas or accept they won't get what they want. If you don't want marriage (but want to keep the girl, as long as you can) just keep stretching it out. She'll either stop asking, eventually, or go elsewhere. Either way, the cards stay in your hands.