Devolution
Member
Ugh don't do this. This is how you end up in a long relationship with someone who despises you. Put what you guys want on the table and if it can't be compromised, move on.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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Ugh don't do this. This is how you end up in a long relationship with someone who despises you. Put what you guys want on the table and if it can't be compromised, move on.
That's true too, but I guess that depends on the type of relationship you want. If you just want routine ass with "oh I love you too honey" sprinkled in every so often (in which if they despise you it doesn't matter), or if you want a actual emotion-based relationship you're advice seems more logical.
But even so, giving it a month or two more to see the full bandwidth of the "issue" might be helpful before breaking it off prematurely. She might loosen up on it and love can happen, so to speak.
That was my case anyway, she wanted to get married after a year and a half, I didn't want to so I waited it out and she let off, six years later we ended up getting married when we both wanted. It does happen.
Thanks a lot. Really, thanks for the support. It may not seem so, but this feels great.
I hope I don't feel down if I can't manage to talk to anyone on the trip, but I'll damn sure try my best. And it's not about scoring a girl right now (even though I'd like to), but to socialise, make new friends and acquaintances. I want to feel like I'm not a failure, like I can be a normal person, and not having to be ashamed of myself.
You're right, people won't hate me just because I try to start a conversation with them. In fact, that's the normal thing to do: meeting new people, hanging out with them, having a good time. I don't know, but somehow I feel like I CAN do it, despite my shyness and introversion. It's a matter of trying, and failing and trying again and never giving up. There's only one life, and I'm not going to waste it, dammit!
AdventureRacing
Member
I live 2 hours from my GF at the moment and it basically feels like a long distance relationship. Especially since we are shift workers, it's hard to meet unless we both have the day off. Nothing wrong with that but yeah 2 hours is a long way.
The only girl I was with (last year) literally told me this when we started to grow separate. I kid you not, she actually said "If I could have it my way, I'd like to have a harem with you and [a couple of guys she was into in the past/maybe present], and every one of you would only be with me and no one else." Fuck that shit, and fuck women like that.
Uh, yeah. If a girl ever said that to me I'd just laugh in her face and walk away. That's a level of crazy BS that I would never touch.
Don't be subtle. Own it, with pride
PflargBlarg
Member
Alright guys went out for almost 4 hours straight today. 12+ approaches. 2 number closes.
One was a 16 yo girl who technically is legal but whatever I don't really want to date her when she's that young.
The other was an older (I believe early 20's) French girl who happens to be a musician. I really want to meet up with her, had a great conversation and I fucking love the French accent.
Anyone know any tips for a meet up? I might just look for a festival or something, public transportation here is great so getting to her/my place shouldn't be a big deal.
One was a 16 yo girl who technically is legal but whatever I don't really want to date her when she's that young.
The other was an older (I believe early 20's) French girl who happens to be a musician. I really want to meet up with her, had a great conversation and I fucking love the French accent.
Anyone know any tips for a meet up? I might just look for a festival or something, public transportation here is great so getting to her/my place shouldn't be a big deal.
Perspicacity
Banned
Have a friend ask one of her friends if she likes you.
I'm 18. I guess we could do something like cooking or whatever since she said she can cook french meals.
Anything where I can physically escalate is fine I guess.
Yeah, that happens to me a lot as well. I hate text messages/
I decided to just do the right thing and deal with the uncomfort. I told her it's fine if they go out for her bday at midnight, and said it's alright for him to come with us to the Hobbit premiere too.
I won't be that b/f who destroys her friendships because of my personal feelings. Plus, as uncomfy as I may be in these situations, I figure it's easier to deal with then the guilt of alienating her friend. I didn't feel "good" or like I had "won" or anything when she said she wouldn't go for the midnight drinking with him or him not coming to the hobbit with us.
I just hope I can find peace at some point with this guy in her life. I don't really want to share my g/f with another guy. Hopefully he finds his own g/f so he can move the fuck on.
I won't be that b/f who destroys her friendships because of my personal feelings. Plus, as uncomfy as I may be in these situations, I figure it's easier to deal with then the guilt of alienating her friend. I didn't feel "good" or like I had "won" or anything when she said she wouldn't go for the midnight drinking with him or him not coming to the hobbit with us.
I just hope I can find peace at some point with this guy in her life. I don't really want to share my g/f with another guy. Hopefully he finds his own g/f so he can move the fuck on.
Howard Ballou
Member
Lol. I've never used online dating, but if you're the evil genius type this is probably a great way to get a crash course in what not to do.
PflargBlarg
Member
And so it begins. I asked her to come with me to a christmas market and she gave a solid yes and that she'll let me know what day she can do it after she checks her work schedule.
Last time this exact situation happened (movie night as the thing) she never did come through with a date that she could do it. Admittedly I had also forgotten that I even asked her to do it until one of the days she mentioned as a possibility and it popped into my head and I realized that she never told me either way what was going on.
I know she's been super busy recently but if I don't hear back from her on this one, I'm done. I feel like I should have given up on it last time but hell, at least it hasn't stopped me from going after other girls.
Last time this exact situation happened (movie night as the thing) she never did come through with a date that she could do it. Admittedly I had also forgotten that I even asked her to do it until one of the days she mentioned as a possibility and it popped into my head and I realized that she never told me either way what was going on.
I know she's been super busy recently but if I don't hear back from her on this one, I'm done. I feel like I should have given up on it last time but hell, at least it hasn't stopped me from going after other girls.
We're chatting with 20+ guys as we speak. Literally. Closing in on 200 visitors after 24 hours. About half are writing to us right now. Like you said, what not to do is really obvious already, geez :S
PflargBlarg
Member
Can we get some conversation excerpts of the most ridiculous stuff? A friend of mine on okcupid has told me some hilarious stuff.
One guy sent a somewhat long-winded message about wanting to curl up inside her vagina and then she'll feel safe and comforted walking around knowing that he's inside her. I don't even know.
One guy sent a somewhat long-winded message about wanting to curl up inside her vagina and then she'll feel safe and comforted walking around knowing that he's inside her. I don't even know.
Omegasquash
Member
End it...she's very demanding and you can do better. Think about what your life would be like if you were stuck with someone like this long term, resenting you for not moving at her pace.
Omegasquash
Member
See, you just gave up 100% right there. That's NOT the right thing to do...she needs to compromise on this with you to make you feel comfortable. COMPROMISE, not give in. Do what it takes to make you feel comfortable. If she doesn't care about your comfort, she doesn't care about you, and that leads me to believe that she's fucking around on you.
Even if she's not fucking around, she's not giving enough of a shit about your feelings, and you deserve better. Sounds like you guys are young enough to bounce back off of a break up, so give her the run down...
"I don't care about you having dudes for friends, but this is dating, and he's openly admitted that he wants you. I'm not comfortable with this, and I need to know that you're not either." Be prepared for a response you might not like.
Wolfgunblood Garopa
Member
Texts are rough. Don't take it personally, sometimes that shit works and there's good communication, sometimes you're going to be left hanging. Mix in a call once in awhile.
I'll keep you updated, we're a bit tied up right now xD I won't divulge any personal info of course (not that random guys are that interesting). My neck will hurt tomorrow from shaking my head so much.
Edit: Here's one example:
Him: Lunch next time I'm in town.
Me: You got balls
No, sorry, I don't eat food ^^Him: Seems like I'll have to stay longer in *city* next time, because we're going for a walk, then I'll eat, and then we'll watch a good move
Him: Does that sound better?
Me: Better but not good enough
Him: And I thought I was too forward there
Give me a hintMe: Sounds like an ordinary date. I want to experience something more exciting, but I do like movies :A
Him: Okay, how about this
Him: We'll see each other downtown, take a 10 minute walk, then we'll take my car to *some random mountain*, a blanket, fire and some walking sticks so we can get through the snow all the way to the top.. There I'll make the fire and then a surprise
Him: And then a movie of course
Me: Sounds exciting
Him: Nice, let's hope the snow stays then, and I'll contact you next week
Me: You do that
"Me" as in my friend with some input. Other conversations usually talk about how damn pretty I am, what country I'm from originally, how the snow is treating me etc etc. "All guys say a version of the same thing" - Brent Smith
We have 35 unread messages right now. It never stops.
I should clarify that when I said I was bothered by these things yesterday she had already cancelled the Wednesday night out, and had said she'd just go to The Hobbit with me and not him. She is willing to compromise based off of this.
However, I do not want her friends to hate me, nor her family, because she is quite talkative with her mom and sister about anything in her life as well.
Also, the guy swears he doesn't have feelings for her now, and said he has wanted her in the past. She isn't the cheating type either. They are both doing their best to convince me neither thinks of the other that way. I do trust her, but I feel he is just holding his feelings in, and hopes someday if she breaks it off with me she'll finally come to her senses. So right now he's just playing all the right cards. Maybe I'm reading too far into it, but it's the way he LOOKS at her that makes me feel he is full of shit and would pounce if given the chance.
PflargBlarg
Member
Yeah, you're a guy, you pretty much know what he's thinking. Especially with how forward he's been in the past. He would jump on that in a heartbeat if he could.
Devolution
Member
I'll keep you updated, we're a bit tied up right now xD I won't divulge any personal info of course (not that random guys are that interesting). My neck will hurt tomorrow from shaking my head so much.
Edit: Here's one example:
Him: Lunch next time I'm in town.
Me: You got balls
Him: Seems like I'll have to stay longer in *city* next time, because we're going for a walk, then I'll eat, and then we'll watch a good move
Him: Does that sound better?
Me: Better but not good enough
Him: And I thought I was too forward there
Me: Sounds like an ordinary date. I want to experience something more exciting, but I do like movies :A
Him: Okay, how about this
Him: We'll see each other downtown, take a 10 minute walk, then we'll take my car to *some random mountain*, a blanket, fire and some walking sticks so we can get through the snow all the way to the top.. There I'll make the fire and then a surprise
Him: And then a movie of course
Me: Sounds exciting
Him: Nice, let's hope the snow stays then, and I'll contact you next week
Me: You do that
"Me" as in my friend with some input. Other conversations usually talk about how damn pretty I am, what country I'm from originally, how the snow is treating me etc etc. "All guys say a version of the same thing" - Brent Smith
We have 35 unread messages right now. It never stops.
Getting into chats with people seems messed up dude.
Well, that's what she's getting at. She wants to get fucked.
Doctor West
Member
Going on a second date tonight with the girl I talked about earlier in this thread. It took about two weeks to nail down a day and time and the only contact we had in the interim was texting, and that was like pulling teeth. She had a couple of chances to bail on the date but didn't, so I'll keep that in mind. With that said, I've got a feeling it's going to be really uncomfortable at first. I will have to use all my power to make sure everything gets off to a good start. Ugh, I hope this works out. I've been going on a lot of dates recently and she's the only one I want to see again.
Haha yeah, not a little either :S If nothing else, I'm getting a bit concerned with how many fake accounts I've potentially talked to myself before.
Edit: The "purpose" was mainly to see how guys approach and carry themselves the first few minutes. So it's not like we've been tricking them for days or setting up dates.
Devolution
Member
Or lonely housewives trying to get attention.
I haven't seen that many of those actually. Unless they pretend to be 20~ year olds too.
Devolution
Member
They do. There's been at least one case like that.
Do you have something to confess?
I'm getting close to an OT4 I'm happy with, as a sidenote. Just need to spank those who spend all their money on pedestals some more.
airmangataosenai
Member
Yeah this definitely is leading the guy on which is unfair. With my fake profile I've never responded to a single post before.
God some guys are so shameless though. I was getting tons of guys just dumping their phone numbers in the initial post, one gave me a fucking job offer....
Yeah, it's not really cool behavior, that is true. Why do you have one? Some have tried getting our number but most just say Hi or mention the snow. So boring. Quite a few point out that we are silent though and make a fuss about it. Not a good look at all. Not a single explicit sexual invite though, I'm surprised to say.
Yeah, the problem is that she wants to be fucked by someone else. It took me a long time to realise it wasn't worth it putting up with girls like that. I've been alone ever since, but at least I'm not being treated like a doormat now, and I learned self-respect is WAY more important than getting laid once in a while. I hope Az987 will be able to realise that too, luckily he seems to be a smart guy.
ghostofsparta
Member
Can somebody help me please? Newb as fuck here
Is there a general rule as to when you should ask to become official? I've known this chick for about 2 months, we have gone on a couple of dates, and a have hung out with her and her friends around 5 times. I know she is into me, but I haven't kissed her yet. Should I at least kiss her before I ask her? Is it way too early to ask?
The bigger question is how do I ask her? I have never had this opportunity, I'm somewhat of a loser :/
Is there a general rule as to when you should ask to become official? I've known this chick for about 2 months, we have gone on a couple of dates, and a have hung out with her and her friends around 5 times. I know she is into me, but I haven't kissed her yet. Should I at least kiss her before I ask her? Is it way too early to ask?
The bigger question is how do I ask her? I have never had this opportunity, I'm somewhat of a loser :/
Let her ask you instead. It won't happen before you've at least kissed each other, and more than once. Same thing with telling her you're in love or anything like that. Let her do that first. If you've only known her for two months and you haven't kissed, you're nowhere near having an exclusive relationship. Read the OTs if you haven't already and perhaps stick around for OT4 which should be coming fairly soon.
Or this.
First comes dating. Then comes marriage. Then comes kissing. Don't rush the relationship. Start saving up for the ring.
airmangataosenai
Member
My reasons were similar, mainly curiosity and to get ideas for how interaction is supposed to go in that environment. Main thing I got out of it was to say something about their profile but that can be hard when all girl profiles read pretty much the same. Liking to travel, have a cat, enjoy "Fun"...
Yeah it's an interesting experience to say the least. It's also good for looking at what guys write on their profiles and what kind of pictures they use so I can do the opposite xD
So my girlfriend of 5 months has been ignoring me today. Been sending her several messages today, finally asked "Are you ok?" and she simply replied "Yep". I've noticed her responding to me less and less over the last week when we almost broke up (basically she said I had to hold her beliefs if we were to be together. I told her I don't. She said, 'well, I guess it's ok, i'll just not talk about that stuff when we're together').
Honestly I was feeling a bit disinterested in the relationship lately, and if she broke up with me I might even feel a little relieved. This is my first relationship and I don't have the balls to break it off myself (thought about it from time to time), hate hate hate the thought of hurting her.
Honestly I was feeling a bit disinterested in the relationship lately, and if she broke up with me I might even feel a little relieved. This is my first relationship and I don't have the balls to break it off myself (thought about it from time to time), hate hate hate the thought of hurting her.
Devolution
Member
So my girlfriend of 5 months has been ignoring me today. Been sending her several messages today, finally asked "Are you ok?" and she simply replied "Yep". I've noticed her responding to me less and less over the last week when we almost broke up... She said I had to hold her beliefs if we were to be together. I told her I don't. She said, well, I guess it's ok.
Honestly I was feeling a bit disinterested in the relationship lately, and if she broke up with me I might even feel a little relieved. This is my first relationship and I don't have the balls to break it off myself (thought about it from time to time), hate hate hate the thought of hurting her.
How are you positive she was ignoring you and not just doing shit either away from her phone or not checking it?
The first few months we were dating she texted me constantly and her schedule hasn't really changed. I don't know she's ignoring me, but I've noticed the trend of her talking less and less lately. I could bring up the issue and mend it up... but I don't think I care, I'll just see if I can tell what she wants :/ Also I know she has her phone because I think she purse-dialed me earlier, I picked up and it was just some scuffy noises. 
This is long distance btw.
This is long distance btw.
alright dating age help a brotha out! So I was studying for finals yesterday and I sit next to my buddy in the library I know and he was sitting with this really cute girl. converse with said cute girl and really liked her. got her to add me on fb, no number. my buddy says i should casually start talking to her on fb now.
how do I go from here? I never see this girl shes in a different program. so i hate that fb is really the only way, but it is. i do fine in person, i just hate having to use fb, so should I take my friends advice and simply start talking to her over fb chat? at least I know her.
how do I go from here? I never see this girl shes in a different program. so i hate that fb is really the only way, but it is. i do fine in person, i just hate having to use fb, so should I take my friends advice and simply start talking to her over fb chat? at least I know her.
hawkshockey11
Banned
Ehhhh. I say unless you have absolutely no chance of running into her again, stay away from chatting on FB. The more you do usually gets you farther from your goal. If you find a nice conversation topic then possibly, but it's hard. In an ideal situation, you wait until you see her again in school and then strike up a conversation. Rinse and repeat until number.
Don't focus too much on rushing to get her number or whatever. Just be carefree and fun/funny. I've gotten a good amount of girls to initiate conversation online and what not just by seeing them in public and just talking and then saying bye a couple times.
So my girlfriend of 5 months has been ignoring me today. Been sending her several messages today, finally asked "Are you ok?" and she simply replied "Yep". I've noticed her responding to me less and less over the last week when we almost broke up (basically she said I had to hold her beliefs if we were to be together. I told her I don't. She said, 'well, I guess it's ok, i'll just not talk about that stuff when we're together').
Honestly I was feeling a bit disinterested in the relationship lately, and if she broke up with me I might even feel a little relieved. This is my first relationship and I don't have the balls to break it off myself (thought about it from time to time), hate hate hate the thought of hurting her.
It's over man. Just break it off with her before she does.
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