hawkshockey11
Banned
That will probably result in more silence. You can do this, but expect to feel awful after she ignores it.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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That will probably result in more silence. You can do this, but expect to feel awful after she ignores it.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Why feel awful? You know then that they're the idiot, so why waste your time on an idiot. Of course that's the logical approach, but since the guy is oh so secretly in love with her we know well it'll be exactly as you said, him crying in a pillow.
hawkshockey11
Banned
Have a date with one girl Thursday at a Trampled by Turtles concert. Kind of seeing another girl as well. I really like them both. I dread the day that I have to pick 
On a positive note, I have come a very long way from 2 years ago. I couldn't even look people in the eye or buy something at a store without feeling anxious.
Yeah logic and emotions don't mix easily. It is very easy to say that "she is ignoring me because I did something wrong. I'm terrible" even though this is false.
On a positive note, I have come a very long way from 2 years ago. I couldn't even look people in the eye or buy something at a store without feeling anxious.
Yeah logic and emotions don't mix easily. It is very easy to say that "she is ignoring me because I did something wrong. I'm terrible" even though this is false.
Have a date with one girl Thursday at a Trampled by Turtles concert. Kind of seeing another girl as well. I really like them both. I dread the day that I have to pick
Similar situation here.
This is the first year I've ever been a single adult, and so I'm basically taking things as they come to me. I have enough social, common sense, and relationship experience from which to draw though, I think.
Good luck on your date Thursday! Mine is Friday.
hawkshockey11
Banned
Similar situation here.
This is the first year I've ever been a single adult, and so I'm basically taking things as they come to me. I have enough social, common sense, and relationship experience from which to draw though, I think.
Good luck on your date Thursday! Mine is Friday.
Same to you!
I'm still a youngin (19) so whatever I accomplish now is just possibly practice for the prime of my life.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Everyone's prime is different. At least till now mine was definitely 22-24. Straight ballin' back then.
I've moved on. I never wanted any relationship with her as it would've never worked out anyways (she lives in France and I'm from UK) but that is different and doesn't changes the fact that I have feelings for her.
What I did wanted was to sustain a friendship and atleast stay in touch considering that we were indeed good friends (don't assume that it's only in my head and she never really cared for the friendship from her side because she actually did...atleast when she was here for a year). Everything was fine even when she left and for a few months after that but then suddenly something happened and I become the only person she starts to ignore. Even if she doesn't has or ever had feelings for me or liked me, that's no reason to stop talking, especially when she's still in touch with people I introduced her to.
I guess I'll do this.
There's still a possibility that I might meet her next month when I'm in France for Christmas, considering we have quite a few mutual friends.
hawkshockey11
Banned
Whatever you do don't go out of your way to "run in to her" in fact don't have any expectation in your head that you will see her again.
Seeing her will just make things harder for you, more than likely. Even if you are/think you are over her.
In my opinion, a break up needs complete and utter disconnection between the two involved parties. It's the only way things can properly heal. Maybe someday you guys can be friends, but you should give yourself plenty of time to fully become okay and yourself.
In my opinion, a break up needs complete and utter disconnection between the two involved parties. It's the only way things can properly heal. Maybe someday you guys can be friends, but you should give yourself plenty of time to fully become okay and yourself.
Can you elaborate? Do you just go and say Hi to them or do you use some of that PUA shit or whatever.
I'm jobless atm and have way too much free time, so why not make some good use of this time and learn how to pick girls up lol
How many numbers did you get? Did you run into any LMRs? Those bitch shields suck so much.
So many times this, damn.
I did this once in high school to try and get with this girl who wasn't in my classes.
Backfired completely and she told all her friends I was a weirdo stalker.
One time was enough to learn that lesson fast!
Never, ever, ever, ever, EVER try to make it a wacky romantic coincidence. She'll see right through it and you'll be worse than friendzoned: Creepzoned.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Whelp. Turned down. Godamnit. I'm almost inclined to really believe the "I'm so incredibly busy with schoolwork for everything" now response, as its true based on what I've gathered and we really do seem to get along fantastically. Almost.
Girl I like gave me the exact same response, she says she really wants to go out with me but she's too busy with schoolwork. I'm gonna take that as a no and just move on.
It's a nice way to turn you down. Move on as fast as you can.
AzureSkies
Member
Thanks for the advice, there's no way that I could even imagine going through Christmas with her. I guess I'll just have to end it tomorrow. I'd rather not keep this going if I see no hope of it really improving.
Devolution
Member
Sounds like Techno's/Maxx's is more not interested in dating while she's in school, assuming she's just not letting him down easy.
Most every time someone has been busy whenever I would try to figure out a day to do something, they have been super cooperative in trying to find a day that does work. Often times they are the ones to suggest a different day that might work for them.
If they simply flat out say "I'm busy with school right now, sorry." then it very well could just be an easy out for them. Which is fine. That's the way it is.
But yes, sometimes a pipe is just a pipe. And sometimes people really are just busy.
If they simply flat out say "I'm busy with school right now, sorry." then it very well could just be an easy out for them. Which is fine. That's the way it is.
But yes, sometimes a pipe is just a pipe. And sometimes people really are just busy.
stn
Member
So this girl I have a long history with decided to contact me. She spends effort on inviting me to events and shit, but then when I'm at them she becomes distant and whines about some dumb stuff. So, naturally, I always ignore this and continue my life. Then she complains I don't contact her, among other things (I'm also a pervert and I cheat on women, apparently). 90% of the fault is on her end, I just lack patience for irrational bullshit.
I've already decided I'm NOT going to call, just wondering if you guys have any input? She's VERY good looking so its hard for me to do it, but fuck it. I hate "girls" and am more into "women," so to speak.
I've already decided I'm NOT going to call, just wondering if you guys have any input? She's VERY good looking so its hard for me to do it, but fuck it. I hate "girls" and am more into "women," so to speak.
IHaveCandy
Banned
If a girl told me she was too busy. I'd tell her to let me know when a better time would come up for her. That way she either lets me know or not and I don't have to keep asking her and getting her busy response.
Gucci Messiah
Banned
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Wut.
stn
Member
Yeah, I know not to call. I'm a VERY prideful person and I don't give attention to any childish women. To be honest I have no real interest in being friends with this girl, she proved to me years ago that she's simple and uninteresting. I only really had a sexual attraction to her - and a strong one at that.
I was able to ignore her for months, years. She always comes back at some point, lol. But not before she talks shit behind my back or takes subliminal shots at me when I show up to mutual friends' events. What I'd like to do is completely sever ties, but then we have mutual friends and it will be impossible to fully do it. And if I DID do something drastic like it, it would look like I was really emotional about it.
Which I'm not, I just disliking wasting time with girls I know I won't be friends or partners with. Then again, I don't believe girls can be friends with guys 90% of the time.
I was able to ignore her for months, years. She always comes back at some point, lol. But not before she talks shit behind my back or takes subliminal shots at me when I show up to mutual friends' events. What I'd like to do is completely sever ties, but then we have mutual friends and it will be impossible to fully do it. And if I DID do something drastic like it, it would look like I was really emotional about it.
Which I'm not, I just disliking wasting time with girls I know I won't be friends or partners with. Then again, I don't believe girls can be friends with guys 90% of the time.
PflargBlarg
Member
You missed several pages ago where he laid out his idea of giving out your number to women instead of the opposite. And never call them, let them call you.
I'm not sold on the strategy.
Vermillion
Banned
Kind of?
It's nothing new to this thread. It's beautiful and makes life so much easier ^^ There won't be any new fresh lists of dating ideas or ways to get laid for 2013 in OT4. Unless you guys start a riot over it (previous threads will be linked though).
Perspicacity
Banned
Six months
I'm really dreading going back home for the winter break, I don't know of any clubs or anything and I don't really have a wingman. I can't stay here in SLO because all the college kids go home for the break so this normally tiny city will be even more empty. I won't be able to have a social life next quarter because I'm taking like 20 units and I can't go another quarter dateless.
I'm 23 years old, I've spent a lot of time by myself, and while I've greatly enjoyed all the alone time I've had I'm also human and I desire a healthy relationship with a woman. I'm not even talking about getting laid, just, having a girl to spend time with and do stuff, and just experience being in a relationship with woman once in my life.
I don't know if I'm coming off as needy, though if I were in relationship I would still prefer to spend my time by myself, but when I'd hang out with the girl it would give me an opportunity to use other parts of my brain, like being more outgoing and funny, and actually trying to have a conversation. When I'm alone I spent the majority of my time studying and composing music and I feel like my social skills are really incomplete.
I don't know, I'm definitely not being lazy about it, I'm fighting off my social anxiety and going out and talking to girls, but my attitude still isn't as great as it should be, eh, sorry for the rant.
I'm 23 years old, I've spent a lot of time by myself, and while I've greatly enjoyed all the alone time I've had I'm also human and I desire a healthy relationship with a woman. I'm not even talking about getting laid, just, having a girl to spend time with and do stuff, and just experience being in a relationship with woman once in my life.
I don't know if I'm coming off as needy, though if I were in relationship I would still prefer to spend my time by myself, but when I'd hang out with the girl it would give me an opportunity to use other parts of my brain, like being more outgoing and funny, and actually trying to have a conversation. When I'm alone I spent the majority of my time studying and composing music and I feel like my social skills are really incomplete.
I don't know, I'm definitely not being lazy about it, I'm fighting off my social anxiety and going out and talking to girls, but my attitude still isn't as great as it should be, eh, sorry for the rant.
You need to build up your confidence. I'd recommend taking some of the Salsa lessons on Friday night at Poly. It'll get you more comfortable just being in the presence of women. On top of that, you'll build a skill that many women find sexy. They start at 8:00 in Building 5 Rm 225. Lessons are $5. I'm probably going to go next week; busy tomorrow night.
You're 23, and attending Poly. There are thousands of pretty girls in your age range. My age range. Make sure to go out to Farmer's on Thursday night every once in a while. Lots of people will be out then. I'd recommend joining a club to get you used to socializing.
If your interested I'd could be your wing man every now and then if you don't mind hanging out with someone that's 31. I need an excuse to get out myself since most of my friends are married w/ kids.
They single? I could use a date
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
It's a great idea if it works but as someone whose been told "I'll text you" or something along those lines only to never be contacted it's not the best option.
To add to where maxxpower left off it's pretty strange leading a lonely life. On the one hand there's less drama to deal with but on the other hand it's almost like being in a prison you can't really escape. I could move anywhere in the world right now and I would still probably have the same problem. This isn't even about girls it's about building a proper life before it's too late.
Holy shit, I never once thought there'd be another Poly student on GAF. I have considered going to the Salsa class, I'm actually quite good at dancing Salsa so it'd give me a chance to hone my dancing "skills", and I actually have a class in that exact room. I have to the farmer's market a few times, but going by yourself is a bit weird, so I stopped going.
You are right, there's a lot of pretty girls in SLO, but you have to agree that the majority of them are at least 5'7"-5'8" and if they wear heels then that pretty much disqualifies me. Also, not to sound racially misinformed but the majority of the girls in SLO are Caucasian, and I've rarely seen a Caucasian girl going out with a Hispanic dude, though I can look a bit Mediterranean if I stay away from the sun for a few days, I personally don't care about ethnicity when it comes to dating.
I'm actually not shy around women, and I have no problems approaching them(well, to a certain extent), but I just have this damn annoying attitude that I'm not a good looking guy, and while I'm very confident about my personality and sense of humor, there also has to be a physical attraction in order for a woman to be really "into you". But yeah man, I don't mind hanging out with a 31-year old at all, I'm definitely going out after finals are over next week if you're interested.
It's good that you described a lonely life as a prison you can't escape, because that's exactly how I feel. I became this "lone wolf" when I went through a severe depression two years ago. I honestly did leave my house for about a year, constantly thinking about whether I should kill myself or not. Thankfully I moved on from that and I've been trying to go out more and be more social, but it's difficult breaking the habit of wanting to be alone.
Most of the time I spend alone I'm composing depressing music so that definitely doesn't help me be more positive, and this life I lead is rapidly becoming stale and boring, I want the drama that comes with being in a relationship and actually experiencing a feeling that isn't melancholy or sadness, I want to experience falling in love with someone, even if it doesn't work out in the end, but at least I experienced that feeling.
And Another! I just graduated in June. I know there are a few Hispanic centered clubs on campus if that makes your more comfortable. I was in SHPE myself.
Devolution
Member
The world is small one of my aunts works at Calpoly.
I've got a small question. About a week ago I got the number of a very nice girl who got me to support a (useful) charity via excellent door to door saleswomenship (no idea how to call this in English).
The next morning I sent her a text asking if she was available to get some drinks on saturday. She responded after an hour that she was busy, but perhaps sometime later next week? After an hour and a half I text her back saying I'm free on thursday and fridayevening. she doesn't respond after that.
Well tough luck. I thought perhaps one more call after a while and then that's it. I called her yesterday, she sounded pretty interested and she came up with a day herself. Next sunday. That wouldn't be a problem for me, but perhaps I'd have to go to my mothers birthday. She said that 'we'd call about it.' Leaving it kind of vague.
Turns out I'll be at my mothers all night. So my dilemma: I know I can't make sundaynight. Do I call her, or wait for her to call me. I'm inclined to do the latter, cause I texted and called her first. Then again, if she calls me on sunday for details I'd have to cancel on pretty short notice. I wouldn't like if that happened to me personally.
I really hate the texting game, and deciding on how long to wait. I normally text *everyone* back within five minutes. Even if I'm doing other stuff, I've always got thirty seconds to send a text.
The next morning I sent her a text asking if she was available to get some drinks on saturday. She responded after an hour that she was busy, but perhaps sometime later next week? After an hour and a half I text her back saying I'm free on thursday and fridayevening. she doesn't respond after that.
Well tough luck. I thought perhaps one more call after a while and then that's it. I called her yesterday, she sounded pretty interested and she came up with a day herself. Next sunday. That wouldn't be a problem for me, but perhaps I'd have to go to my mothers birthday. She said that 'we'd call about it.' Leaving it kind of vague.
Turns out I'll be at my mothers all night. So my dilemma: I know I can't make sundaynight. Do I call her, or wait for her to call me. I'm inclined to do the latter, cause I texted and called her first. Then again, if she calls me on sunday for details I'd have to cancel on pretty short notice. I wouldn't like if that happened to me personally.
I really hate the texting game, and deciding on how long to wait. I normally text *everyone* back within five minutes. Even if I'm doing other stuff, I've always got thirty seconds to send a text.
I don't really use PUA shit, I try to be natural.
For hugging: Hi, can you give me a hug?
If they laugh/smile and ask 'why?' just say because you like it and initiate the hug.
FREE HUGS :O
For 'picking up': Hi, you are cute and I wanted to meet you.
There's so much wrong with this post
You really need to get your mind out of the gutter. Your thinking is completely backwards.1. It seems to me that this is too important for you. If you don't know the clubs in your home town, explore them. You don't need a wingman to do that, that's just something you're telling yourself or have been told you need.
2. I can understand this feeling. But at the same time, it's not like you have to feel this way. I live in a university city too with a size of about 60k people, most of them obviously not students. And we have a blast with the regular people.
3. Even though social interactions is very important, school should be more so. And this "I can't go dateless another quarter" would be fubar if it wasn't standard practice in here. It's precisely that kind of thinking that is keeping you miserable. Women will not fill that imaginary void inside you!
4. 23 is nothing. If spending time alone was a contest between us, you'd be beat so hard. It means nothing. Desiring female company is of course a normal biological response but it will never make you a happier person or validate you as a man, just as not having relationships won't invalidate you.
5. This is borderline worse than if it was just about sex, tbh. Actually, no it is worse. You're placing relationships and women on a pedestal. You're putting unrealistic expectations on this whole thing and keeping yourself unhappy because you're not getting what it is you want.
6. Considering all previous points, you probably are coming off as needy just because you want something external so badly when all you really need is already inside you. And you most certainly don't need women to be funny or have a conversation. Again, women on pedestals. This is classic making women into a mythical creature you have to catch.
7. Then do something about it. Get off GAF and create a better mixture between business and pleasure. Just don't have an ulterior motive when talking to people. You will creep them out.
8. Indeed, your attitude is completely wrong. See all above. It's not your perceived list of flaws that make you unattractive to women. It's your anxiety, lack of self-respect and confidence, and most of all, your insecurities about said list that makes you unattractive. Good looks won't help you if you're ugly on the inside. And what women find attractive in men are NOT the same things that men find attractive in women. Otherwise you'd see men with pear shaped waists and silicon implants all day. But you don't.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
They single? I could use a date
Some yes, some no. I wouldn't have set Maxx up either, too creepy lol, was just commenting that SLO is filled with beautiful, young women.
His hang up seems to be his self hate though, so as long as Maxx has that goin, he'll never get out of the hole he put himself in.
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
Wow, you just described me!
I have absolutely no issue chatting up women (skill has gotten much better since college), but I'll be dammed if I can find one that is into me. It'd be nice to be flirted with once in a while. My issue is the lack of any kind of wingman at all. At 26 I can't just snoop around the bars on my own (weird) so I have little luck so far.
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