hello dating-gaf, I need some advice. First, let me apologize in advance if anything sounds douchey here. okay, so I am trying to look for a date however there is no one appealing to me at work, personality appealing or otherwise, and I do not do nightclubs. as for personal failings let me just list them(note: I'm 26 years old):
1. I can't drive, I don't even have my operators yet. Reason being is because my parents were terrible teachers and would constantly shout and I left every session shaking. I never bothered to obtain my operators because of it. I'm ashamed of it to this day and i make up a reason why I don't have a license to my friends.
2. I still live at home with my parents. note: other than the roof over my head, I don't mooch off of them. hell, I helped paid thier taxes this year on top of my own.
3. regarding my social akwardness, between a scale of 1- 10, I would rate myself 7.5. I have trouble making eye contact, I studder at times even in front of friends. I got to socail gatherings but I always find myself outside of the group. Even when I try talking to others i always get talked over and I get cut out of the convosation entirely.
so, I'm screwed aren't I?
1) Learn to drive. If nothing else, explain the situation to your friends and ask them to teach you. Don't let your embarrassment prevent you from learning -- be humble and find a teacher. Shouldn't your parents be able to teach you?
2) If you have the money to help pay their taxes on top of your own, you likely have enough to find your own place. I don't know the full situation, of course -- the cost of living in your city, how much you make, etc. -- but if you've got the cash, find a cheap apartment and strike out on your own. There's no reason to be living with your parents at 26 if you've got a job and the cash to make rent/utilities. Is this related to the fact that you can't drive?
3) I understand this completely. I was always pretty social as a young child, but once I hit junior high I began retreating into video games and Internet message boards and my social skills took a huge hit. I was so bad at talking to people (especially girls) because I didn't do it enough. I didn't hang out with friends after school or go to parties or anything. I just stayed home and played games and talked to strangers online, which is not the same thing as interacting with people in person.
I'm not exactly the epitome of cool now (I'm 21) -- I still occasionally struggle in social situations and my skills with women are generally poor. But I've made big steps in the past couple of years just by putting myself out there more. I still have problems in front of groups -- I had to give a presentation in a class this semester and mumbled and stumbled over my words constantly because I was so nervous -- and I naturally have something of a mumbly speaking voice anyway. But I've worked on it and I'm not longer a social pariah. I have friends and get along with people and though I've still only had one real relationship, I've gotten better with women.
It's good that you want to change. I reached a point where I just couldn't tolerate my social ineptitude any longer and started the long road of making much-needed changes. I'm still very much a work in progress. Don't get discouraged and don't shy away from changing aspects of your life.
The thing about women is that you have to work on yourself before you can worry about a relationship. If there's major aspects of your life that need fixing, fix them before you seek companionship. If you're out of shape, get in the gym. Read books and learn things. Do interesting things like traveling, performing in a band, etc. Make yourself a stronger person and that will translate into more interest from the opposite sex. (Though I would note not to do things just because you think it might get you laid -- do things for your own personal and intellectual satisfaction.)
Good luck, man.
Could use some advice GAF. I asked a girl that I have been working on for a while out
on Friday night and got her number. I told her we would sort out the details later. When should I contact her to get all of this figured out?
Also, call or text? In person I am really chatty and sociable but I loathe talking on the phone and always have.
I'd probably text, especially if you dislike phone conversations. You aren't going to kill the attraction by texting instead of calling.
As for when you should contact her, I don't know. I've never been good at that particular balancing act. I'll let someone else handle that one.
And connect with her. That's the purpose of the date, isn't it? As long as you keep thinking about your past experiences and "failures", you will bring them with you into the future and you may very well be manifesting them subconsciously. So keep the past in the past. Awkward silences are apparently generally even worse for women (I can't point to some scientific study) so don't sweat it so much. Make a joke about it, ease the mood if it happens. It will only be truly awkward if *you* make it so. *You* give it that power, not the term itself. And stop saying to yourself that you continue to fuck this up by saying something stupid. Stuff like that make sure it continues to happen. I won't give any topics to talk about, you're gonna have to figure that out on your own, and hopefully she brings something to the table too. It's 50/50 after all.