Rocket Scientist
Member
Of course, I've been too, but sex or a gf is more often than not only a temporary band aid.
Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
- Start date
- Status
User 100115
Banned
And depression is about ups and downs. I get stupidly happy over tv shows sometimes, it doesn't mean I am not actually depressed.
Did we ever get on update on this? Did neoj kill himself or something?
Rocket Scientist
Member
Unless you've ever made a thread declaring that it somehow cured your depression and then posted the link here in this thread where people have very serious downs, we agree =)
Declaring that sex without a condom cured your depression, making a thread about it and posting it in a thread where people routinely say they don't want to live anymore, just to get more views, is pretty sad to me. But, I shouldn't have started this discussion. If it makes him feel better to declare it to the world so be it. Nobody should feel depressed and I should have ignored his post.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
False alarm.
Napalm_Frank
Member
Eh my first post to this thread but what the heck. I think I may have had some sort of depression for years now. I can never get anything done, haven't felt happy for like a reeeealy long time. Best I can hope is find some amusement from entertainment and friends and stuff but everything is feeling so dull compared to what I think it should feel. I did think before that this was just some kind of phase and that I just grew up and everything is supposed to be dull shit or something. Well I first noticed that something might be really wrong when I realized I had some symphtoms of apathy. I have had both of my grandmas and my dog die in the past few years. I remember all three times I got the news and I had this empty feeling, I really didn't seem to care at all. And It's really weird since I liked both my grandmas a lot and absolutely loved my dog that was a big friend for 14 years. I spent over half of my life with him like every day and when he finally was gone I didn't feel anything. Funerals for GMs felt weird. Like everybody was crying their eyes out and I just stood there and all I could think was how long till I get out of here. Not a single tear for any of that and I was a fuckin crybaby when I was younger. Then there are all the school shootings, wars and whatnot all over the world. I don't feel anything, couldn't care less. And the problem is I don't think I really am that kind of person.
Then there is the studies. I have no motivation at friggin all to learn anything. Nothing stays in my head even if I do study and even starting that is hard as shit. I don't even really know if I am just stupid along with the lack of motivation. Feels like I can't really do shit. Highschool and before I was a real trouble maker and absolutely hyperactive. I had my share of problems with school back then too but I actually could use some of my energy back then to manage. Nowdays I am just a quiet and lazy and get absolutely nothing in my head.
Suicidal thoughs are pretty interesting for me too. I think about that shit like daily but it's not even in the style of ''I am so sad that I have to end my life''. I like to play with the though because it would release me from all the ''overwhelming responsibility'' I feel for my studies, works and few years ago the army (and I recognize when it comes to responsibilities I don't have shit so thats kinda pathetic). I always do have kind of semi act going on when with family and friends but I think that is pretty normal. I am surprised tho that I think my mother knows there might be something wrong with me and one of my friends also. And I never open up about things like this so that is pretty surprising.
I don't really know the right word to use but I have felt like absolute SHIT for the past few days, more so than ever before. All I can do to escape it is to put my mind on silly things like video games, GAF and TV but I really have concidered to maybe seek professional help and even more crazy: doing some silly shit to get me into jail for a while so I could clear my head a little (and yes I know how crazy that sounds. I never have had any trouble with the law or anything so that would be totally out of character for me. The though does really amuse me and it could be hilarious and actually exiting for a change
). That would get me away from my family at least and I honestly don't know why I wish that. They are pretty ok and I certainly don't hate any of them but I allways feel relieved when I can spend time alone in the house. I started locking my door a few years back too for no reason at all, it just makes me feel better o_o.
The most annoying thing about all this is I honestly don't know if I even have something really wrong with me. I fear to go seek help because I don't really know if I truly need it. Maybe I am just a lazy bum who needs to get my shit together but I don't know where to find the motivation. It feels insane but I would be so relieved if I just knew if there is something wrong with me. Maybe there is something wrong with me but is it big enough to really seek help? I dunno. Something needs to change soon someway in my life. I don't even know why I wrote this. It doesn't make me feel any better but I had nothing else to do while I had my breakfast :3.
All of you guys with real problems stay safe you hear! Also all my explanations are twisted since english isn't my first language but there you go. I do have various smaller details but I shall spare you guys for now xD.
Then there is the studies. I have no motivation at friggin all to learn anything. Nothing stays in my head even if I do study and even starting that is hard as shit. I don't even really know if I am just stupid along with the lack of motivation. Feels like I can't really do shit. Highschool and before I was a real trouble maker and absolutely hyperactive. I had my share of problems with school back then too but I actually could use some of my energy back then to manage. Nowdays I am just a quiet and lazy and get absolutely nothing in my head.
Suicidal thoughs are pretty interesting for me too. I think about that shit like daily but it's not even in the style of ''I am so sad that I have to end my life''. I like to play with the though because it would release me from all the ''overwhelming responsibility'' I feel for my studies, works and few years ago the army (and I recognize when it comes to responsibilities I don't have shit so thats kinda pathetic). I always do have kind of semi act going on when with family and friends but I think that is pretty normal. I am surprised tho that I think my mother knows there might be something wrong with me and one of my friends also. And I never open up about things like this so that is pretty surprising.
I don't really know the right word to use but I have felt like absolute SHIT for the past few days, more so than ever before. All I can do to escape it is to put my mind on silly things like video games, GAF and TV but I really have concidered to maybe seek professional help and even more crazy: doing some silly shit to get me into jail for a while so I could clear my head a little (and yes I know how crazy that sounds. I never have had any trouble with the law or anything so that would be totally out of character for me. The though does really amuse me and it could be hilarious and actually exiting for a change
). That would get me away from my family at least and I honestly don't know why I wish that. They are pretty ok and I certainly don't hate any of them but I allways feel relieved when I can spend time alone in the house. I started locking my door a few years back too for no reason at all, it just makes me feel better o_o.The most annoying thing about all this is I honestly don't know if I even have something really wrong with me. I fear to go seek help because I don't really know if I truly need it. Maybe I am just a lazy bum who needs to get my shit together but I don't know where to find the motivation. It feels insane but I would be so relieved if I just knew if there is something wrong with me. Maybe there is something wrong with me but is it big enough to really seek help? I dunno. Something needs to change soon someway in my life. I don't even know why I wrote this. It doesn't make me feel any better but I had nothing else to do while I had my breakfast :3.
All of you guys with real problems stay safe you hear! Also all my explanations are twisted since english isn't my first language but there you go. I do have various smaller details but I shall spare you guys for now xD.
Prax
Member
lol Well, at least you found something that makes you feel really good.
I don't know if it will become the cure-all you're looking for, but at least it's something.
I wouldn't elevate it as a high point in your life to frame forever, but keep it as one of those good experiences among the numerous other ones you've experienced and will experience in life. That kind of "happiness bunker" is useful to weather against drought days.
Congrats on taking a first step!
I haven't really gone through CBT, but I learned a bunch about the principles about it and looked up the research etc. Should be pretty effective in most cases, but it does take a lot of "homework" and general effort on your part... Kind of like exercise/change in lifestyle, but for your brain.
Well, if it affects your life negatively, then it's a problem. Seeking help either way sounds like a good idea. Academic counselling also a good idea. Maybe you're just not into what you're studying and your brain is bored and blocking it, or maybe you just need ot try new studying techniques.Eh my first post to this thread but what the heck. I think I may have had some sort of depression for years now. I can never get anything done, haven't felt happy for like a reeeealy long time. Best I can hope is find some amusement from entertainment and friends and stuff but everything is feeling so dull compared to what I think it should feel. I did think before that this was just some kind of phase and that I just grew up and everything is supposed to be dull shit or something. Well I first noticed that something might be really wrong when I realized I had some symphtoms of apathy. I have had both of my grandmas and my dog die in the past few years. I remember all three times I got the news and I had this empty feeling, I really didn't seem to care at all. And It's really weird since I liked both my grandmas a lot and absolutely loved my dog that was a big friend for 14 years. I spent over half of my life with him like every day and when he finally was gone I didn't feel anything. Funerals for GMs felt weird. Like everybody was crying their eyes out and I just stood there and all I could think was how long till I get out of here. Not a single tear for any of that and I was a fuckin crybaby when I was younger. Then there are all the school shootings, wars and whatnot all over the world. I don't feel anything, couldn't care less. And the problem is I don't think I really am that kind of person.
Then there is the studies. I have no motivation at friggin all to learn anything. Nothing stays in my head even if I do study and even starting that is hard as shit. I don't even really know if I am just stupid along with the lack of motivation. Feels like I can't really do shit. Highschool and before I was a real trouble maker and absolutely hyperactive. I had my share of problems with school back then too but I actually could use some of my energy back then to manage. Nowdays I am just a quiet and lazy and get absolutely nothing in my head.
Suicidal thoughs are pretty interesting for me too. I think about that shit like daily but it's not even in the style of ''I am so sad that I have to end my life''. I like to play with the though because it would release me from all the ''overwhelming responsibility'' I feel for my studies, works and few years ago the army (and I recognize when it comes to responsibilities I don't have shit so thats kinda pathetic). I always do have kind of semi act going on when with family and friends but I think that is pretty normal. I am surprised tho that I think my mother knows there might be something wrong with me and one of my friends also. And I never open up about things like this so that is pretty surprising.
I don't really know the right word to use but I have felt like absolute SHIT for the past few days, more so than ever before. All I can do to escape it is to put my mind on silly things like video games, GAF and TV but I really have concidered to maybe seek professional help and even more crazy: doing some silly shit to get me into jail for a while so I could clear my head a little (and yes I know how crazy that sounds. I never have had any trouble with the law or anything so that would be totally out of character for me. The though does really amuse me and it could be hilarious and actually exiting for a change
The most annoying thing about all this is I honestly don't know if I even have something really wrong with me. I fear to go seek help because I don't really know if I truly need it. Maybe I am just a lazy bum who needs to get my shit together but I don't know where to find the motivation. It feels insane but I would be so relieved if I just knew if there is something wrong with me. Maybe there is something wrong with me but is it big enough to really seek help? I dunno. Something needs to change soon someway in my life. I don't even know why I wrote this. It doesn't make me feel any better but I had nothing else to do while I had my breakfast :3.
All of you guys with real problems stay safe you hear! Also all my explanations are twisted since english isn't my first language but there you go. I do have various smaller details but I shall spare you guys for now xD.
Even if it's just being a "lazy bum", after a while, it can become a crippling habit and a huge problem anyway. Better to figure out how to prevent it from getting out of hand. It could be you're going stir-crazy and would like to change your lifestyle somehow, or it could be you're seeing the signs of depression creeping into your life. Or many other things. Who knows.
Hopefully you wrote this to feel like you're taking the first step in trying to solve your problem and you can get screened in some way for low to no cost to know if your symptoms are severe enough to seek immediate treatment.
Another Hapy New Year's wish to all of you. I actually have been feeling quite good the past week. I see this as my last chance to change the things that need changing on my own. Told my best friend that if I not made the progress I want (nothing big, but some small starting steps) till the end of January she is to talk to my husband, so I get some professional help. And since I'm not really keen on doctors I hope that is enough of a motivation to get me started. Well only time will tell, I guess.
That is a cute crocodile! And for the bolded part:
Come on over!
Hi guys, been awhile.
Status: Hollow. Barely making it as of late. Laptop I received is faulty so I'm yet again without a laptop.
Also, a friend requested me to draw a crocodile from Castle Crasher's and here's the result:
Not bad for 5 hours of work tbh. Need to get back to writing if i have the heart to do so.
That is a cute crocodile! And for the bolded part:
Come on over!
opticalmace
Member
Dunno if it's depression but does anyone else have trouble sleeping?
It's only been the last several days. I dunno if it's just not wanting to go back to school/work after the holidays, or not seeing my family again for a while (they live on the other side of the continent), or something else. But I just don't want to sleep. It's frustrating.
It's only been the last several days. I dunno if it's just not wanting to go back to school/work after the holidays, or not seeing my family again for a while (they live on the other side of the continent), or something else. But I just don't want to sleep. It's frustrating.
Oh thanks. I'm from France. I was fucking tired when I wrote this message so I didn't bothered to check for mistakes.
A good night of sleep helped me. I'm feeling a bit better. She sent me more messages. Explaining that she likes me, it's just that she can't have something because of that guy. It's dumb but I don't want to insist. It's just that this was the first time since I left my ex that I felt good being with a girl. Cuddling and Kissing. I had some flings before and it made me felt worst.
It's just bad timing actually. 2013 is going to be very important for me. I need to find what I want to do with my life and try to gain more confidence in me. And having that stupid one night stand story don't help me...
ive been sort of kidding myself that if i dont talk to anyone about it (bar strangers on neogaf) it wont be real, it will just go away. however its been building up and getting worse and i do feel like i need some sort of help, i dont know. as a general rule my body seems to reject all meds and im not keen on the idea of being dependent on them, for me i think therapy would be a good route to go down.
Collete
Member
Thank you, it's good when an artist is complimented on their work. It's an awesome feeling knowing you actually made something pleasing to the eye.
I don't know about the challenge, really not up for people trying to steal my writing and what not.
Thank you, it's good when an artist is complimented on their work. It's an awesome feeling knowing you actually made something pleasing to the eye.
I don't know about the challenge, really not up for people trying to steal my writing and what not.
You can just post your stuff in a passwort protected PDF on dropbox, if you don't want it to be read by just anybody. And getting some feedback on your writing might get you some more of the awesome feeling you got when I complimented your picture
paparazzo
Member
Ugh, man I kinda can't believe I'm posting in here (no offense) but this constant anxiety is killing me. It's been years since I felt depressed and even then, I had some sense of hope. I don't think my heart has ever beat this fast and this consistently. It started on New Year's Eve when my dad verbally laid into me, yelling, and dropped the f-bomb and then said that he's "done" (with me). All for not going to some boring ass party my friend was having. There's more to that but let's just say I wasn't feeling good due to a headache and my social anxiety was setting in hard.
I'm 22, but my parents treat me like I'm some 30 year old loser that has no prospects and still living at home and will die alone because I've never had a gf. So now my dad has gone from a completely overbearing asshole to not talking to me and its especially terrible because I work for him. I'll probably leave soon though for the sake of my health and sanity.
It isn't exactly rational but I think the reason my so anxious is because i'm afraid he'll yell at me again and he'd never talked to me like that before. The tension is just so damn fierce. I'm not a confrontational person and I've come to the conclusion that I'm not the one who owes an apology so I don't know where to go from here.
I just needed to get that off my chest and I think it helped a little. I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place. Thanks for listening.
I'm 22, but my parents treat me like I'm some 30 year old loser that has no prospects and still living at home and will die alone because I've never had a gf. So now my dad has gone from a completely overbearing asshole to not talking to me and its especially terrible because I work for him. I'll probably leave soon though for the sake of my health and sanity.
It isn't exactly rational but I think the reason my so anxious is because i'm afraid he'll yell at me again and he'd never talked to me like that before. The tension is just so damn fierce. I'm not a confrontational person and I've come to the conclusion that I'm not the one who owes an apology so I don't know where to go from here.
I just needed to get that off my chest and I think it helped a little. I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place. Thanks for listening.
VanillaCakeIsBurning
Member
Sorry to hear about your situation. I honestly have no idea how I'd react if I was in your situation.
All I can say at the moment is good luck and hopefully you can resolve this somehow.
I'm sorry to hear about this man, I know your pain. My father was verbally abusive for years and treated me like crap once I turned 18. If you have some friends you can stay with I would couch surf for a little bit to get yourself settled. I wish I would have done that when I was younger because now I have the lasting scars of constantly being afraid that people are going to verbally lash out at me, abuse me for any simple mistake and treat myself like crap since he drilled into my head that I'm worthless.
It took a year of therapy to just get back to some semblance of normalcy & that is ten years after the fact. At first it might not hit you but it's going to stay around with you for awhile just realize he is the problem not you.
AFollowerNotALeader
Member
Basically I can sabotage any amount of my own happiness. It's my superpower.
Note to self: never schedule leave in such a way that I get to spend days and days at home alone ever again.
Here's a bonus: I ought to go to the doctor's tomorrow to get my pills topped up and I ought to get him to look at a lump I found on boxing day.
Note to self: never schedule leave in such a way that I get to spend days and days at home alone ever again.
Here's a bonus: I ought to go to the doctor's tomorrow to get my pills topped up and I ought to get him to look at a lump I found on boxing day.
Yeah, spending time alone can be a total downer!
My GF and I just moved to a place where we know no one. She went home over christmas break and I decided to stay in the house alone for two weeks straight probably the saddest and most depressed I've been in awhile. It was weird when I realized I hadn't spoken to another human being in two weeks.
TestOfTide
Banned
Well I guess I may as well post here since I just recently deleted everyone off of my friends list on facebook to prove a point (that no one would notice).
So far my point is proving true.
So far my point is proving true.
I'm not sure that that test is reliable. The only way that I notice that former friends are not on my list is when I randomly type their name in the search box and their profile no longer appears, and I don't go to profiles often because most updates appear in the feed. Add in the fact that many people have hundreds of friends and there's no way to know how regularly people visit your profile. And someone could notice your absence, but might not feel a need to contact you to ask why or may assume that you had a personal reason for doing it.
TestOfTide
Banned
What would be a more reliable test?
fuck religion
and fuck mindless optimism
holidays suck while depressed? every fucking day is a holiday full of feeling like shit
god fucking damn it
I dont
some people just arent made for this world
Suicide itself isn't looked down upon but it's a decision that's often made in a very scattered, unreasonable and clouded state of mind. There are situations under which suicide can be a logical decision but mind-warping depression isn't one of them.
That's not to say one cannot understand why some want to end their suffering. I certainly do. I don't look down on suicide. I've considered it. But as soon as I put a few pieces back together I was very, very, very glad I hadn't thrown all of the pieces out altogether.
It's not quite that binary. There aren't people who 'work' and are 'broken' in the world. The whole world is one gigantic shade of gray. Were it completely binary eugenics would have taken off big time.
Also, please respond to my PM
TUROK
Member
I know what you mean. At the risk of sounding like a cliche machine, life isn't fair.
Some of us end up lucking out, others (those who post in this thread) didn't win the lottery of life. You said you've only formed one meaningful relationship that wasn't family in your life. Mind if I ask what that relationship was?
I don't know.
AFollowerNotALeader
Member
The Doctor thinks I have an enlarged lymph node as the result of an infection. So that's a brief relief. Now I just need to deal with the primarily issue: being nuts.
Prax
Member
Wah.. so many computer troubles you have! Hopefully you get something decent and reliable soon!Hi guys, been awhile.
Status: Hollow. Barely making it as of late. Laptop I received is faulty so I'm yet again without a laptop.
Also, a friend requested me to draw a crocodile from Castle Crasher's and here's the result:
Not bad for 5 hours of work tbh. Need to get back to writing if i have the heart to do so.
That is a really cute crocodile. I want to ride it~ It reminds me of a dream I had last night of having a crocodile (I keep wanting to call it alligator, but crocs are the ones with more gracile snouts) in a large fish tank that I apparently owned in the dream. It was really cute and just basking in the lamplight.
You should go write! Even if it's like.. random distraction writing. Poetic intro. Scene/setting description. Anything!
Nothing is a reliable test.
Personally, I think the main point is: DON'T TEST PEOPLE!
You know when you watch tv or movies and some person is trying to "test" the other person in some way (usually it's in a romantic scenario, but could be anything like friendship or trust) and you groan because you as the audience knows what a waste of effort it would be and that the tester is actually just trying to prove or CREATE their own disappointment? It's that. (I am very not fond of this type of plotline, if you can't tell. xD)
Don't test people (especially if your whole world will shatter if they don't react in the "right way").
But I'm also not a great person when it comes to this stuff anyway, since I'm very distant with even my close friends.
While there are a number of reasons why people look down on it, my thoughts are that it's kind of a waste in a personal perspective.
I am alive, and through my existence, I can experience and do all sorts of things. It may very well be my only chance, so I might as well live it for as long as I can. Enjoy it and do what I want. Even if it were miserable, if there are some days that I felt I could gain something, it'd be worth it to for me to go another day and milk it for all its got.
Also, it seems for most people, suicidal thoughts do happen when one is not in the right mindset to make a rational decision. The desperation to escape suffering is so intense that self-destruction looks like the only solution, but that's usually not the case. I think when the confusion or pain subsides (even a little), that decision that would have been permanent and final doesn't seem like a good "solution" anymore.
So I hope you feel better and keep looking forward for more good days.
It's still doable! You have 3 days and more!
How many exams do you have and when are they and what are they on?
I'd still study for all of them. Sit at a chair and table, well-lit (like your desk or dining room table even) to replicate your examination room conditions. It will make you feel more at ease when you do the same thing for your exam.
First you study a little bit for Monday's exam for a few hours (make notes! and tag pages to look over again). Then you study the other subjects more hardcore over the weekend and make notes for them too.
Then Sunday night/Monday early morning, cram more for Monday's exam and remember to look over the notes you made to jumpstart your memory.
Then you take your Monday exam.
Then you start studying for the next exam and use your notes.
By staggering it this way, you get to study "twice" almost. Writing notes is also way to consolidate your memory because it has to enter your brain and get reprocessed to be written back out, which is like extra studying, so it's worth the time.
Do NOT skip exams unless they are worth almost nothing to your marks (less than 20%--make sure your standing grades can absorb that damage in the first place!). My advice is to just take all the exams though.
This is how I've studied my whole life, anyway. It works for me, so hopefully it works for you too!
You didn't hurt yourself, right? It's just general chest pain/angina? >_> Did you ever get that checked out and figure out why you feel like this? Is it a panic attack?
I'm definitely not made for this world. Last night I was thinking if I had HIV I would just let it consume and kill me. No point in fighting it.
Bel Marduk
Banned
It could take HIV ten years to give a person full blown AIDS. If you are suicidal, that seems like the worst way to go. A better way would be to live out your life to full maturity and die a natural death.
So, why not do that instead?
Lord Ghirahim
Member
I'll quit all added sugar in the coming weeks. Every time I hit a really low point has been preceded by sugar over-consumption. Every single time. I don't understand how I kept failing to make the connection.
Why would I continue to live this life? I hope I die before my parents. Hate that they brought me into this world
I've been really, really depressed in the past few days. Last time I can remember feeling this bad is summer of 2009 when I was going through a breakup.
I realized over the past week that I still have heavy feelings for my ex girlfriend after seeing her for the first time in 1.5 years. I'm currently living with my girlfriend of (just under) two years so its torturing me. I finally had to tell her last night. She already knew. She could tell. I feel like such a fucking asshole for not telling her sooner. There was a slight relief in getting it off my chest but I still am crushed with guilt and conflict. What the fuck do I do??
She keeps asking me what do I do now, what do I do with these feelings? I have no idea. I want to tell my ex girlfriend at some point so I can just get it all out there. I want to know if she's thought about it too. But I don't know when or how.
It doesn't make sense. My relationship now...we get along miles better than I did with my ex. I don't want to leave my girlfriend. I love her. Why do I make things so needlessly complicated? My gf says she's somewhat repulsed by me now, though she assures me she'll get over it. I can't blame her.
I haven't slept well in days. I felt so awful after talking to her last night that I went to bed starving, in my clothes. I felt so awful I couldn't bother getting up to get something to eat or get ready for bed.
I've got a crushing guilt complex for feelings I can't do anything about. This sort of stuff loves to jump on the back of my general mood issues and drag me down way, way further than anyone else I know. My friends just tell me to deal with it and repress it, as if that's easy.
What do I do? Please god someone help.
I realized over the past week that I still have heavy feelings for my ex girlfriend after seeing her for the first time in 1.5 years. I'm currently living with my girlfriend of (just under) two years so its torturing me. I finally had to tell her last night. She already knew. She could tell. I feel like such a fucking asshole for not telling her sooner. There was a slight relief in getting it off my chest but I still am crushed with guilt and conflict. What the fuck do I do??
She keeps asking me what do I do now, what do I do with these feelings? I have no idea. I want to tell my ex girlfriend at some point so I can just get it all out there. I want to know if she's thought about it too. But I don't know when or how.
It doesn't make sense. My relationship now...we get along miles better than I did with my ex. I don't want to leave my girlfriend. I love her. Why do I make things so needlessly complicated? My gf says she's somewhat repulsed by me now, though she assures me she'll get over it. I can't blame her.
I haven't slept well in days. I felt so awful after talking to her last night that I went to bed starving, in my clothes. I felt so awful I couldn't bother getting up to get something to eat or get ready for bed.
I've got a crushing guilt complex for feelings I can't do anything about. This sort of stuff loves to jump on the back of my general mood issues and drag me down way, way further than anyone else I know. My friends just tell me to deal with it and repress it, as if that's easy.
What do I do? Please god someone help.
See I think like this a lot, which is why I KNOW for certain I'm going to get cancer. Like I'm not trying to partake in some gallows humor, I know that I'll be the one within my family that gets it. Not that I would plan to live that long, besides the day I know I got I just make short work and swallow some pills or hang myself or something no point in making the suffering worse.
Shit. I'm really sorry, man. I guess you have three options -
Really talk things out with your GF, counseling if necessary, work through your own feelings about your ex. Repressing your feelings is probably a bad idea, but you need to work through them and past them somehow.
or
Break things off with your GF and go after your ex. And then deal with the guilt and all of those feelings.
or
Try to work things out with your GF and contact your ex on the side to see if that option is even open. This is either the "be totally honest with everyone" option or the "be a complete dick" option, depending.
If you really do care about her (which I don't doubt), you owe it to your GF to be as open and honest as you can and try to talk things out with her (if she wants to do that), whatever your ultimate decision is.
I dunno. I'll be around after clinic to chat. It might help to talk it out with someone a little removed from things first.
If you want to do something crazy like killing yourself, why not do some other crazy shit first? Move to another country or backpack through Asia for a few months or something. If death doesn't scare you, then you shouldn't worry too much about what could happen. Moving out of your comfort zone as far away as possible could change your life. There's no use staying in your comfort zone where you're "safe" yet miserable, it's clearly killing you just like it is me and many others who are depressed.
Btw if you're going to move out or backpack, don't even plan that shit, just do it. Thinking about it will likely make you scared and change your mind about it. Once you're some place far away, you can always return anytime you want so you've got nothing to lose.
I always tend toward total honesty because I think that it's always best to deal with things before they fester for too long. But I have a lot of reservations about calling an ex girlfriend, who I dicked around for far too long (though that was years ago when we were both teenagers) and just dropping a bomb on her.
I mean, what can I expect from her? To wait around for me under the vague possibility that next time we're in the same place I might be interested?
More than anything I want to know I'm not crazy, that maybe she felt it and was surprised, too. But I don't know if that would make me feel a little better or much, much worse.
Thanks Bagels. I just ate two of you for breakfast. I'll camp out on Skype...thanks a lot, man.
<3 everyone
I'll be home soon to heal you. EVERYONE FUCKING STAY CALM!!! I GOT THIS!!!
Do you understand the feelings you are feeling? I mean the feelings regarding your ex?
Is it a sexual attraction? If she's really beautiful, it could just be the rekindling of that.
Then again, it might be, as you said, that you never really got over her.
I think, personally, you should mentally draw a line. Speak to your self honestly. What exactly do you want from this? Do you want a relationship from this?
Feelings are ambiguous and it's easy enough to harbour fantasies of a better life elsewhere.
Repression is so meh. Give your self time to think everything over. Flush those stress hormones out of the body. Get some sleep. Relax. Just so you can think clearly.
It's more of emotional anguish... And, believe it or not, it hurts like a chest pain. Just a dull sensation that won't go away.
I just don't want to continue living in this horrible body and life. I feel like a troll monster that everyone has to avoid. Being gay makes it worse since I am the total opposite of gay beauty. I'd be better off dead than moving or backpacking somewhere. Ugly guys like me don't get any chances at a good life.
It's not primarily sexual. I mostly want to...spend time with her.
Really I want to know if she feels the same way or if I'm just crazy. Certainly it would clear things up if she says 'uh...no' and then I can say 'well then' and move right along.
I think you're right that waiting is priority #1. I've got to talk to her eventually but first I have to know what's going on with myself.
Guess I'll give it a couple of weeks and see where I'm at.
Just have to resign myself to crushing under immense guilt and rumination until then.
Thanks!
VanillaCakeIsBurning
Member
It's kind of funny. I remember someone made a thread titled something like "do you ever think of suicide" some months ago in Off-Topic.
I remember reading through it and thinking some of the posters were completely bullshitting saying they have never thought of it, as in they were "abnormal". Then I realized the humour behind someone calling those who don't entertain the thought of suicide "abnormal".
Yesterday, I almost made a big mistake. I had probably one of my worst "episodes" yet and in my moment of weakness almost let the news out to a friend. For the past 9/10 years I've been handling this on my own, it's how I deal with internal issues for better or worse.
Doesn't help that my work place is a huge catalyst for this, and it hit me hard when I came back from about 5 days away from it. I think part of the reason is because for whatever reason I was feeling optimistic and looking forward to the future a few days prior to heading back. I think it's understandable that someone who has always expected to die early experiencing optimism for the future would be somewhat confused and then relieved at such an alien feeling, only for it to be taken away the next day.
I think I actually came closer than I've ever been to enacting one of my plans. We'll see what tomorrow brings. For now I've just have to deal with this sunken feeling.
I remember reading through it and thinking some of the posters were completely bullshitting saying they have never thought of it, as in they were "abnormal". Then I realized the humour behind someone calling those who don't entertain the thought of suicide "abnormal".
Yesterday, I almost made a big mistake. I had probably one of my worst "episodes" yet and in my moment of weakness almost let the news out to a friend. For the past 9/10 years I've been handling this on my own, it's how I deal with internal issues for better or worse.
Doesn't help that my work place is a huge catalyst for this, and it hit me hard when I came back from about 5 days away from it. I think part of the reason is because for whatever reason I was feeling optimistic and looking forward to the future a few days prior to heading back. I think it's understandable that someone who has always expected to die early experiencing optimism for the future would be somewhat confused and then relieved at such an alien feeling, only for it to be taken away the next day.
I think I actually came closer than I've ever been to enacting one of my plans. We'll see what tomorrow brings. For now I've just have to deal with this sunken feeling.
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