revolverjgw
Member
At least my nigh-asexual romantic apathy will serve me well on that day
Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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At least my nigh-asexual romantic apathy will serve me well on that day
I never cared about Valentines Day. Always seemed like a stupid holiday to me.
yup. I really cannot believe i never dated anyone ever. wtf is wrong with me.
Wow, I never knew big tobacco had a vested interest in the mentally ill sector. I'll look more into this tonight. Thanks for the info and insight.
It really is.
1.) Depressed mood - feeling down, depressed, or hopeless: 3
2.) Interest - a lack of interest in your normal activities and hobbies: 3
3.) Guilt - feeling that you've let people down: 2
4.) Sleep - either sleeping too much or having trouble getting enough sleep: 3
5.) Energy - feeling fatigued, tired, not having your normal amount of energy: 3
6.) Concentration - difficulty...concentrating: 3
7.) Appetite - eating more or less than usual: 3
8.) Psychomotor - feeling, or having others feel like, you're moving/speaking/thinking either slower than usual or faster than usual: 3
9.) Suicide - feelings that you would be better off dead, frequent thoughts of suicide, or an active intent to end your own life: 1
Life's just dandy. Too soon to say how Pristiq is working for me, but I do feel as though therapy is failing me.
The actual loneliness on top of the feeling of always being alone will be a huge kick in the face.
It is, but just the thought of having someone reciprocate feelings like that (which is what VD is supposed to be about) is enough to make me feel like crap.
2.) Interest - a lack of interest in your normal activities and hobbies: 3
3.) Guilt - feeling that you've let people down: 2
4.) Sleep - either sleeping too much or having trouble getting enough sleep: 3
5.) Energy - feeling fatigued, tired, not having your normal amount of energy: 3
6.) Concentration - difficulty...concentrating: 3
7.) Appetite - eating more or less than usual: 3
8.) Psychomotor - feeling, or having others feel like, you're moving/speaking/thinking either slower than usual or faster than usual: 3
9.) Suicide - feelings that you would be better off dead, frequent thoughts of suicide, or an active intent to end your own life: 1
Life's just dandy. Too soon to say how Pristiq is working for me, but I do feel as though therapy is failing me.
The actual loneliness on top of the feeling of always being alone will be a huge kick in the face.
It is, but just the thought of having someone reciprocate feelings like that (which is what VD is supposed to be about) is enough to make me feel like crap.
My parents got divorced on Valentine's Day. Fuck Valentine's Day.
scar tissue
Banned
yeah, feels bad man. especially in todays oversexed society.
I'm not sure if this helps art all, but I was feeling research-y and studies indicate (well, is oddly difficult to find good studies on it, but I found a good one) that people whose first sexual experience comes later in life (19+) have statistically significant lower romantic dissatisfaction with their later partners. So basically...even if you think you're missing out, once you do find the person that's right for you, you're more likely to be happier than other people.interesting.
scar tissue
Banned
But if you never find a SO, you're bound to be unhappy anyway. So yeah, I'd rather get laid sooner than later. Not that it matters anymore at this point.
Speaking of studies, I have a study lying around here somewhere that says smart people get laid later. Pretty depressing, all the fucktards start screwing at age 16 and lots of smart people rarely or never get laid.
That's not a healthy way to think about it. "Normal" people have sex. Humans are sexual creatures.
Perspicacity
Banned
I don't think I've ever posted in this thread but now is a good enough time to start. I've been in treatment for depression for 5-6 years now and was generally stable, but then I took a nosedive in the past 6 months.
I didn't go back into therapy but just kept up with my usual medication and things kept getting worse to the point where I've been bordering suicidal in the past month.
My ex knew I was feeling suicidal and "outed" this fact to my best friend this weekend which I think has been a very good thing as it's lead me to speak with my mother about it and finally start up in therapy again.
I didn't go back into therapy but just kept up with my usual medication and things kept getting worse to the point where I've been bordering suicidal in the past month.
My ex knew I was feeling suicidal and "outed" this fact to my best friend this weekend which I think has been a very good thing as it's lead me to speak with my mother about it and finally start up in therapy again.
scar tissue
Banned
Did I say anything to contradict that?
I'm not saying everyone who gets laid is stupid, that would be ridiculous. But practically all the dumb kids have sex pretty early, whereas many smart people have to wait for a long time, some of them a whole lifetime.
If that's not depressing I don't know what is.
Glad to hear you're feeling better SF. I was feeling really shitty myself yesterday but I feel better today. What's akathisia?
I like how SIG E CAPS is now called the Bagels test. Arrogant son of a....
Not SIG E CAPS - that's dumb. My scientific breakthrough is development of the DIGS E CAPS mnemonic, aka the Bagels' Score. Is it too much to ask to get credit for my amazing achievement?
Incidentally, I'm working on the EdmondD scale of how much of a poopy head someone is.
I just don't agree with the whole "dumb", "smart" dividing here. It's such a black and white view of it.
Yeah it does
We don't have to follow that message. It's unrealistic for most people and people can really get fucked up because of the expectations laid down by the mass media.
I'm gay so my whole world is sexualized
Hearing about others finding someone or hooking up makes me feel so ugh
I'm gay so my whole world is sexualized
How does it differ from heterosexuals?
scar tissue
Banned
Well, there is a significant correlation between how smart you are and how early you have sex.
They are inversely proportional. The smarter you are, the less likely you are to have sex (as a teenager at least, can't imagine it's much different for adults).
There really is nothing irrational, wrong or "too black and white" about this. This general trend does not mean everyone who has sex at age 14 is stupid, or everyone who never gets laid is smart.
SpartanForce
Member
Is a feeling of restless, you just can't sit still. I think is worst that depression sometimes.Glad to hear you're feeling better SF. I was feeling really shitty myself yesterday but I feel better today. What's akathisia?
I like how SIG E CAPS is now called the Bagels test. Arrogant son of a....
Burgess_101
Member
Yeah I was having similar thoughts, I bought myself a microserver to play around with and I felt happy for all of 20 seconds. It was nice while it lasted I guess.
orientalNoodle
Banned
Do you have a link to this study? Not that I don't believe you, just wana see the article.
He has at the right at it from my experience, albeit it would be presumptuous to call that an universal claim.
TheApatheticOne
Member
Ive posted in here a few times, just more of an update.
Employment - Still unemployed. I went from posting to jobs I should be qualified for to posting at retail jobs that pay well below what I need to make, just to make SOMETHING. Nothing. Nothing at all. My old job that I left in September was hiring two spots in my old department where I spent 5 years and got nothing but tremendous reviews and did everything for them... and they sent me a rejection letter saying more people were more qualified than I was... ya know, for the job I just worked for 5 years. It has to be a personal thing between me and the manager, but even thats crazy. We got along great for 5 years, was her right hand man, did stuff above me pay grade, was their in department IT guy... all while not getting paid more than anyone else. Everyone was excited I was coming back. I dont understand the move at all. Emailed her twice, nothing back either time. Getting close to where my nest egg is coming to an end, credit debt is high, etc.
Living - Im 32, overweight due to my depression (I eat), balding living with my mom and 26 year old trashy sister. All I want to do is sleep. I can sleep 16-17 hours, and all I want to do is go to sleep again. Its my only place of refuge anymore.
Relationships - Obviously due to the above, not a lot cooking here still either. Dont really have too many friends, much less friends with single girl friends where I could even take a .00000001% swing. I haven't left the bench in forever. This is partially (more than a little/less than entirely) due to that Ive been separated from my wife for over 2 years. She has general anxiety disorder, depression, and the big one - borderline personality disorder. I love her dearly, despite the things that led to me walking out and over the past year, been trying to mend the bridge. During the last part of 2012, she was fucking another dude. Going into 2013, she broke up with him saying she needed time because she wasnt sure she was done with me. Find out that was code for "Im still fucking him, just didnt want you to be out of my life just yet". A lot of it is my fault for sticking around. Despite my desire to be a nice guy and be there for someone I love, I should have just ended it as it was long overdue. But I stuck around, and when she told me she was with this janky dude, AGAIN, it felt like a shotgun blast to my chest.... again. Even after following the OKCupid-GAF thread, I joined up, and since Ive been on there, Ive sent out 20 messages, 0 back. Gotten 6, and this will certainly sound shallow, but even if I was in the midst of a 20 year long no sex streak, Im not going to break it for some girl who looks like a cross between Rosanne Barr and Burt Reynolds and sporting 3+ kids.
Im really at a point where I need SOMETHING to change. I was planning on moving away to NC this summer. Either Raleigh, New Bern, Wilmington, Topsail, somewhere..... just for anything for a change of people and scenery. Would it help? Yes? No? I dont know, but every aspect of my life has been so bad for so long I just dont know what to do. If my mom wasnt alive, I would have killed myself. Not being dramatic, I just dont really have any desire for tomorrow or the next day, and Ive felt that way for such a long time. I try hard, always try to do the right thing, am nice to people, put my best foot forward. Doesn't mean I dont screw up, and doesnt mean that I should be excluding from bad things ever happening. But fuck. Its been FIVE years of torment and anguish, and every time I get an attitude about it, life up's the ante. I just want SOMETHING to get better. Anything. Even for just a little bit.
RANDOM ADD ON - Went to a buddies Super Bowl party last. First time I left the house in quite some time for a social event. My buddies mom ask if I got my job back (at the time, I had no reason to believe it wouldnt be anything other than I walk right back in scenario), told her no. Then the kicker was during the halftime show, and Beyonce was signing the "put a ring on it" song, and this dude's girlfriend whom I cant stand, and she doesn't care for me goes "Oh you tried that, I guess that didnt work out so well" and the whole room took note of it. I just smiled and laughed it off, but never in my life have I felt more like Christian Bale from American Psycho.
Employment - Still unemployed. I went from posting to jobs I should be qualified for to posting at retail jobs that pay well below what I need to make, just to make SOMETHING. Nothing. Nothing at all. My old job that I left in September was hiring two spots in my old department where I spent 5 years and got nothing but tremendous reviews and did everything for them... and they sent me a rejection letter saying more people were more qualified than I was... ya know, for the job I just worked for 5 years. It has to be a personal thing between me and the manager, but even thats crazy. We got along great for 5 years, was her right hand man, did stuff above me pay grade, was their in department IT guy... all while not getting paid more than anyone else. Everyone was excited I was coming back. I dont understand the move at all. Emailed her twice, nothing back either time. Getting close to where my nest egg is coming to an end, credit debt is high, etc.
Living - Im 32, overweight due to my depression (I eat), balding living with my mom and 26 year old trashy sister. All I want to do is sleep. I can sleep 16-17 hours, and all I want to do is go to sleep again. Its my only place of refuge anymore.
Relationships - Obviously due to the above, not a lot cooking here still either. Dont really have too many friends, much less friends with single girl friends where I could even take a .00000001% swing. I haven't left the bench in forever. This is partially (more than a little/less than entirely) due to that Ive been separated from my wife for over 2 years. She has general anxiety disorder, depression, and the big one - borderline personality disorder. I love her dearly, despite the things that led to me walking out and over the past year, been trying to mend the bridge. During the last part of 2012, she was fucking another dude. Going into 2013, she broke up with him saying she needed time because she wasnt sure she was done with me. Find out that was code for "Im still fucking him, just didnt want you to be out of my life just yet". A lot of it is my fault for sticking around. Despite my desire to be a nice guy and be there for someone I love, I should have just ended it as it was long overdue. But I stuck around, and when she told me she was with this janky dude, AGAIN, it felt like a shotgun blast to my chest.... again. Even after following the OKCupid-GAF thread, I joined up, and since Ive been on there, Ive sent out 20 messages, 0 back. Gotten 6, and this will certainly sound shallow, but even if I was in the midst of a 20 year long no sex streak, Im not going to break it for some girl who looks like a cross between Rosanne Barr and Burt Reynolds and sporting 3+ kids.
Im really at a point where I need SOMETHING to change. I was planning on moving away to NC this summer. Either Raleigh, New Bern, Wilmington, Topsail, somewhere..... just for anything for a change of people and scenery. Would it help? Yes? No? I dont know, but every aspect of my life has been so bad for so long I just dont know what to do. If my mom wasnt alive, I would have killed myself. Not being dramatic, I just dont really have any desire for tomorrow or the next day, and Ive felt that way for such a long time. I try hard, always try to do the right thing, am nice to people, put my best foot forward. Doesn't mean I dont screw up, and doesnt mean that I should be excluding from bad things ever happening. But fuck. Its been FIVE years of torment and anguish, and every time I get an attitude about it, life up's the ante. I just want SOMETHING to get better. Anything. Even for just a little bit.
RANDOM ADD ON - Went to a buddies Super Bowl party last. First time I left the house in quite some time for a social event. My buddies mom ask if I got my job back (at the time, I had no reason to believe it wouldnt be anything other than I walk right back in scenario), told her no. Then the kicker was during the halftime show, and Beyonce was signing the "put a ring on it" song, and this dude's girlfriend whom I cant stand, and she doesn't care for me goes "Oh you tried that, I guess that didnt work out so well" and the whole room took note of it. I just smiled and laughed it off, but never in my life have I felt more like Christian Bale from American Psycho.
young nerds get laid less. that's just how it is.
stupid people always end up fucking more. stupid people dont think things through. thats why the world has a hugely expanding populace of stupid people and a steady or shrinking populace of smart people. which IS depressing.
A lot. That's why I don't like a lot of the "gay community" despite being gay. Jubei raises a good point.
Anyway.... What are your thoughts on Borderline Personality Disorder, Bagels?
I think I'm at the point where I'm going to try to find a doctor to talk to. I've been having a troubling number of days where I can't get the motivation to do anything, I've been having occasional suicidal thoughts, and I am either numb or sad, basically all the time.
The problem is I don't know who I should look for or how to go about finding someone. Could somebody give me a few pointers for starting out?
The problem is I don't know who I should look for or how to go about finding someone. Could somebody give me a few pointers for starting out?
Sorry to hear that you've been feeling that way. Here's some stuff to get you started:
1. If you have insurance, call 'em and see if they cover mental health. If they do, they'll probably have a website where there's a database of therapists that take that insurance in your area.
2. Talk to your GP about it and ask if they can refer you to a therapist.
3. Depending on what city you're in, there might be options for cheap sessions without insurance. This will usually be a center that can refer you to someone in the city. If you're in New York City, PM me and I can give you some info regarding this.
4. If you're in college, there should be a counseling center on campus. They typically don't see you long term, but they can refer you to other resources.
I hope everything works out for you and that this has been helpful.
I've been feeling relatively happy and confident for a couple weeks now, but anxiety has started coming on in full force today. I think it might have to do with sleep deprivation. I don't know. I can't sleep now though because my mind won't stop racing thinking of every possible specific reason people I know probably think I suck.
You know there are treaments for that right? You should ask your MD about it!
orientalNoodle
Banned
If you were living in the world of Ni No Kuni, Oliver would have given you a bit of enthusiasm and maybe some courage. Those bits are clearly missing from your heart.
I can't explain how and why the two are different, but I agree with Neojubei that, among gay men, sex and physical attractiveness is a much more prevalent force (not that I can really attest to how it is among straight men), even if you're not in gay circles. Gay men are more likely to have eating disorders, whereas the same isn't true between heterosexual and homosexual women, and just doing a quick Google search, the idea that all gay men are tall, athletic, and muscular seems to have just entered the zeitgeist.
Feeling the depression heavy tonight. Went out to my Young Adults Depression and Bi-Polar group but I didn't have much to say at all. Everyone was pretty deep into their bipolar stuff and I am just starting off on my Celexa, so I am inexperienced with ADs and don't have much to contribute in terms of drugs expertise. Plus I started feeling social anxiety and became the quietest person in the room. I've been texting this girl off of OkC for a bit, seen her for two dates, but I keep getting bad vibes, as in what am I doing trying to date when I'm depressed as fuck. There's such a void, and I've been so thirsty trying to fill it. It ends up eating me inside. And I can't stop talking to myself out loud. But I managed to make plans with my friend for later this week, so that was a plus. I don't think I have it in me to make coherent posts, so sorry for the livejournal, guys.
Charles Foster Kane
Rosebud
I understand how that can be quite annoying.
It's cool man. This place is here for anyone to vent as much as they wish. Don't worry about not having much to say it's okay to be quiet sometimes. I'm sure the people in your group understand. As for the dating situation sounds like it's going okay to me just because your depressed doesn't mean you should stop dating. Good luck bro.
Thanks, this is interesting.
TUROK
Member
Hey, uh, does anybody know anything about acetaminophen overdoses? Last Thursday I decided to chug a nice little portion of Nyquil, which ended up fucking me right up, in the worst way possible (I'm an idiot and didn't realize that Nyquil Cough is the one people use recreationally since it has no acetaminophen). It's been 96 hours since I drank it, and while I'm not seeing anything like yellowing eyes, or any other outwardly physical manifestations of symptoms, I still have really bad stomach aches, no appetite, and eating makes me want to puke.
I would have gone to the doctor, but I've got no insurance, and money is tight. I used to drink a lot of alcohol, but have cut back significantly these past 7 or so months.
So, would anybody happen to know if I'm in the clear?
I would have gone to the doctor, but I've got no insurance, and money is tight. I used to drink a lot of alcohol, but have cut back significantly these past 7 or so months.
So, would anybody happen to know if I'm in the clear?
scar tissue
Banned
I have the pdf somewhere on my laptop, I'll send you a PM when I find it.
Edit: sent.
The last few nights felt like forever. First I can't get to sleep and if I finally manage to do it I'm already awake again. I sometimes can't even distinguish between being awake and asleep which is damn awkward if you don't know if you did the things you've supposedly been dreaming or not. I also think I've had a lucid dream in between.
Acetaminophen can be very dangerous in overdose, it'll turn your liver into a rock. How much did you take?
TUROK
Member
Hard to say. It was about 3000 mg in one gulp. Ballpark figure.
Mind sending it to me as well, please? Thanks.
scar tissue
Banned
done.
Bagels' handwriting is very feminine. It really is quite lovely.
I truly appreciate the letter my friend. You are far too kind. Your illustration skills need work though. One of the worse drawings I've ever seen.
I'm always looking for penpals, and I get a real kick out of hearing about my handwriting - it was shit until I got a compound fracture of my middle finger on my dominant hand right before college. Now it's like my super power.
PM me if you want to exchange letters!
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