I am sorry I have no been responding much, but I have been reading and trying to keep up (but now I am playing Fire Emblem: Awakening sooo heeeehh~).
And that glowing message from Bagels.. oh gosh. I was kind of too humbled to come back for a bit! xD
I totally sent a letter back to him too, guys. You all should. We can have penpals group going! Bagels has really purdy handwriting. And mine is awful. But I can try to send cutesy stationary I have laying around in an effort to mask that. :>
It's pretty much how things are about it. I always feel like I'm bugging her because she either says, "Well, it's probably because of blah blah blah and you should just exercise and eat really healthy and think happier!" or she's like "Well. *sigh* I guess if you FEEL you need help, I can see what I can do."
I love her, but she just doesn't understand and she isn't patient enough to let me think of how to explain it.
Gah.
18. Felt this way for years.
I think that's just how people act when they don't really understand. But at least she's making the effort in some way. And even if she doesn't understand, you might have to handhold her through the process of helping you. Like "Okay mom, I need you to do this for me because I don't know if I can do it. This is the number that needs to be called, these are the details. This is the cost." Type of thing.
It's hard if you feel like you have to take care of yourself when you're at your lowest and can barely give a damn, but you do what you need to do and you muster the strength to pull through! If you can, you give tasks to others who have the energy to do some of the heavy lifting for you. You can be compassionate and sympathetic to others and appreciate that you are asking them to do things for you that is a slight inconvenience, but you also need compassion and sympathy for yourself, and if that means you need to be a self-advocate, then that is what needs to be done.
I myself always think about how I can be a strong person to protect the weak or people unable to voice themselves, but on another level, I am also a weak person that is prone to all sorts of failure. But I can also be my own hero if it seems that others won't step in. That's the kind of mindset I've been trying to develop anyway (plus, it's okay to be weak sometimes).
I'm just at rock bottom. I don't even know where to begin other than after watching my mom slowly die of cancer for three years, she died horribly in agony, I now have a health issue that terrifies me, my other mental health and anxiety issues have just exploded, I'm feeling utterly hopeless after three years of unemployment, and my relationship with the one family member that I'm close to is completely imploding. I'll elaborate on all of this if I get some mental clarity, but like I said, I don't even know where to begin. I'm just completely falling apart.
My condolences for your experience and it sounds like you're going through a very difficult time. Since you are, I would suggest taking it easier on yourself and focus on things that brings you a feeling of stability and productivity (like organizing or gardening or something). Don't kick yourself when you're already down.
I know the economy is not great for finding a job, much less an actual career, so hang in there and look for small ways to "work" while you're not working so you have a feeling of structure in your life. And sleep well! Try to structure your sleep in a healthy manner so you at least have that. Hopefully things get better between you and your loved ones. We'll be here to listen/read when you feel ready.
Being lonely is the worst feeling in the world... I'd rather die than feel lonely for the rest of my life...
I wish I could really relate on this feeling of loneliness so I had more words or thoughts to share about them...
Because I'm kind of a loner at heart but I am close to my family and we interact daily, it's hard for me to understand what feeling lonely actually is, unless you mean something like.. being in a room full of strangers and feeling out of place and not wanting to speak to anyone. I think I know that feeling well enough (but that's more about being judged than about feeling lonely, I think).
Maybe it helps to take joy in the small interactions you do have with people. Most people are at least a little bit shallow when it comes to their interactions. They are automatic responses and generally "polite" or "pleasant", but you don't have to think of it as dismissive or lacking of significance. For some people, they are trying their darndest to make human connections with a shallow hello, and that is something to be appreciated. And it's good you at least have some kind of outlet to try to make connections.. being this forum, the chats, maybe even seeing friends or family or just going out and being pleasant as a customer. All those things count in my book. So putting in effort, appreciating others' efforts, and assuming others appreciate your effort (it's not a bad assumption!). I think that helps.
(Also, play FE: Awakening and give yourself some frustrating happiness. I think I saw you in the thread so that must mean you are a fan!)
You're ok, don't worry about it.
I appreciate the concern however, but I just really don't care...
"Don't worry..., I know you don't want to be alone...It's okay, I'll be here with you."
I'm also lonely....It eats me away slowly...
I'm not in the best of mental states at the moment either, but all I can say is, my deepest apologies for your loss. I never could offer you much, even my first post here..., but you can PM me, as well as edmond.
Even if you don't care, you need to treat yourself like a sad kid that doesn't care and take care of yourself. Coax yourself into eating and caring for yourself, reward yourself for it in some way.
I don't know why I'm thinking of an analogy with an upset kid (maybe it's because I generally like kids), but it's like a kid who withdraws or runs away and doesn't want to be helped because they kind of believe that they won't be helped, that they can't trust the grown up/parent to make the right decision and take care of them. But you can't let this kid have their way like that. They will get sick or learn bad habits or get more and more distrustful of the world. They need gentle discipline. Guidance. And love. They need that structured nurturing so that trust can be earned. And maybe your parents or people around you can't do that for you right now (or they are trying and you are refusing it), but you can try to be your own caretaker first, and then maybe it will be easier for you to let others help you too. The part of you that is still rational and compassionate needs to hug and care for the less hopeful part and earn its trust. It's like learning to live again.
(also, as a disclaimer: I don't really know how to raise kids, since I am not a mother, but that is my logic both as a former kid and now as a person that likes kids! And I know some things about developmental psychology despite being kind of rusty on all the details since it's been a long while.. So hopefully my points are valid!)
I'm lonely as well. I feel my loneliness is the major factor in my depression at least in recent times. Used to be I was okay being alone. I actually used to prefer to be alone. I wasn't happy but I was content. Now, I feel it slowly killing me.
Mad Pierrot my condolences for the loss of your mother. Your dealing with a lot of shit that even the strongest person would struggle with. Try to stay strong. If you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me.
Depression seems to have a huge impact on making people feel disconnected in general, I think. And the less connected you feel, the more lonely, and then the more depressed. It's like you have to look harder for significance in human connections and convince yourself they count. It's always easier to do when you're with people who share hobbies, interests, passions, and experiences with you though, so at least you are here!
I saw you Fire Emblem art in the art thread it's really good.