CrunchinJelly
formerly cjelly
It's what happens when your boss is your best friend.
Giant Bomb Thread #4: A thread of perceived slights
- Thread starter randomlyrossy
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I haven't read many of his reviews, but the dude cracks me up everytime I hear him speak. He also admitted that that Skyrim video will haunt him to his grave.
But you're right about GB. They have at least one other person go over the review. I'm with the people that say that reviews aren't important, hell I don't read any of them. I'm in it for the hijinx and the Vinnyisms. But I get why they do it, if they get blacklisted from publishers if they don't, then do reviews.
Exactly. I do not care about written reviews when I can just watch a QL or hear what they have to say on the Bombcast. Maybe most of GB's audience is that way, which is why their emphasis on reviews has been decreasing over time.
Empty Space
Member
While I agree with you that Patrick should ahve probably done a review of Fire Emblem it take far longer than an hour to write anything of quality.
I'm totally fine they don't release any kind of content during PAX. Its an event for everybody to have fun not to inform people about new games. However, that doesn't mean their output should suffer because they are having a good time for three days. If they know they won't be able to record Thursday, Friday, and Monday than preemptively record things so there is no gap. They don't even have to be current game do several Bombasticas in lieu of quicklooks or whatever. This goes double for reviews I don't give a damn about them personally, but they've said time and time again timely reviews drive traffic if they don't want to get fucked over by CBSi they do need to worry about those kinds of things.
The worse part about this is it sounds like they are going to dick around this week too because of GDC an event they readily admitted on the podcast isn't for them.
what?
I've always thought reviews were kinda useless on Giantbomb since they are infrequent and random. Their bombcast impressions and quicklooks provide a better coverage of a game for me. They should stop wasting time on written reviews and dedicate it to putting more meaningful content out.
Not sure where your confusion lies. They get tons of games from publishers to review. If they didn't review games, they wouldn't get those games and we wouldn't get Quick Looks as much.
Empty Space
Member
Historically publisher's don't send out preview code or anything of substance to sites that don't post review scores since that's their primary way of determining bonuses and other stuff for developers. If they stopped reviewing games in the traditional sense they'd get fucked.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Yo..it's a game review. There's nothing quality about it. I can't stand to think how much time people wasted on their Infinite reviews. Two hours..max to get your point across about a game. People don't even read the things, they just look at your score anyway. Why try to make it "good"?
They get tons of games that never end up getting reviewed. Publishers send them games in the hope that the game will be promoted in one way or another, not under the expectation that a review will be written.
Hot Coldman
Banned
I agree with all of this. Stuff not being prepared in advance is a fucking bummer. I hope the GDC casts are good, at least.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
I think these guys have enough clout that companies would still send them games knowing they'll get advertisement. Even if they hadn't written a Persona 4 review, Atlus are indebted to them forever.
Sleepy Dawgs is basically Vinny's bread and butter now.
Problem is they are already filming stuff for that week and wouldn't have time to preemptively record stuff for the coming week.
partyphone
Banned
I've stopped caring about reviews. So I'm okay with them doing fewer reviews if it means they have time to do more stupid shit.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Exactly. I skipped over your gif and just went to the score.
Yeah, they don't have time. They're in MEETINGS and being CORPORATE. Also they have to make content for Gamespot..
Empty Space
Member
You've never written anything critical longer than 1000 words in your life have you? Its not an easy task putting you ideas to paper in coherent way. There's tons of time where people complained about the reviews not matching the score given. That almost never happens unless the person rushes to get the job done.
You're right they did do that and its appreciated, but preparing a week in advance they need like a stockpile of "emergency" recording for when they know there will be lull, which is why I suggested old games so that they don't have to worry about being timely with what they record. I'm not trying to say we deserve these things, but there should some be amount of consistency in their output.
Vire
Member
I'm not saying its easy, but it's their god damn job.
C'mon, let's not make excuses.
Broder Salsa
Banned
I'm not arguing that it doesn't suck they don't have more stuff right now, it really does. But just pumping out reviews that "takes an hour" is hilarious.
Giantbomb could only ever dream of having this beautyful writing
Giantbomb could only ever dream of having this beautyful writing
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Actually..I've written for scientific/medical journals for years but that has no bearing on anything. We talkin bout vidya gamez. On the internetz.
Giantbomb could only ever dream of having this beautyful writing
I'm too distracted by the beautiful color gradient to read the words.
All those artsy greyscale animated gifs!!
If videogames and the internet are so irrelevant, why even demand a review?
jakonovski
Member
No Bioshock Infinite live QL tonight? Is there a video embargo?
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
There's no rationale behind anything on the internet. Just pick a side and go with it..until it's time to go home.
SteveWinwood
Member
Those types of writings could not be further apart, bringing them up in this context is stupid.
I say this as someone who has also submitted things to science journals.
GDC.
Empty Space
Member
These arguments are always fun and stupid. Things have different importance to different people and everything is relative.
Nope, no video embargo.
lewd pictures don't count as submissions
SteveWinwood
Member
Define "lewd".
This post feels like a really shitty joke told in 2002. "Where'd he get that Bologna bazooka ma?" "THE INTERNET!!!"
jakonovski
Member
Well, fuck.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Which is exactly the point I made..but the poster was questioning whether I had written something over 1000 words and being critical of something. I had! But who cares!
It's just about putting shit in perspective.. on here I'm all oooohhhh at Dark Souls so godlike oooh Brad Shoemaker so terribad..ohhh...
And then I turn the laptop off at 5 and don't think a thing about any of that garbage..until 9 am the next day!!! There's people here who actually think FF7 is a good game.. I mean.. c'mon.. can't do nutin but laugh at dat!! Opinions!! Nanomachines!! Son!!
Empty Space
Member
You and I apologize, but still two hours is not enough time to write a review. I agree to disagree.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
I don't agree to that. I agree that I am right and you are wrong. There.
CrunchinJelly
formerly cjelly
Maybe they will extend our subs another two weeks.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Remember when it was just Brad and Vinny..and Patrick? in the office a few months back? I feel like they did a ton of shit then.
jakonovski
Member
Americans have too little vacation each year, so they have to have these "work outings" to get some r&r. That's the only explanation I can come up with.
slightconfuse
Banned
That vinny and Dave hosted TNT was amazing.
More people there, means more topics covered on the podcasts and different points of view, which is great to me.
A Pretty Panda
fuckin' called it, man
hahah yeah braah
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
/braahfist
One hour for a review? That is completely redactulous
riddickulous
ridonkulous? Lets go with ridonkulous. That is COMPLETELY ridonkulous!
A critical analysis of interactive experiences is a very personal and harrowing experience. Like any form of art, you have to BE the interactive experience before you can truly analyze it the way it deserves. Living inside the experience and feeling its heartbeat will bring you together as one. Tasting every nook and cranny, followed by a hearty whiffing of any odiferous emissions, enhances your soulful connection to the experience in ways mere mortals cannot even comprehend.
Once you have rolled in the nectar of the Gods like a swine on PCP you are then ready to gift the world with a tasteful, heart-rending piece of art. Yes, the true masters answer the questions of the universe by creating art of the mind and soul. Videographic games critiques are then painfully birthed unto this Earth.
So what does it take to write a piece of art for the lowly gutter dwellers to misunderstand and fear? Boy, let me tell youits no trip to juvie for stealing those Culligan water jugs! You were just going to keep quarters in them, anyway. Its not worth the pain and effort. Just take your quarters to the bank and have them rolled and exchanged for cash money. Your honey will love the cash money far more than your stories of being the recipient of many atomic wedgies.
Okay! The first step towards a masterful review is to convince yourself that you are going to write the review. Once youve deluded yourself into thinking that something productive is about to happen (often by hovering your fingers over the keyboard and making tap-a tap-a tap-a sounds with your mouth), shift your focus to the window. Stare out that window until your eyes cross and the world outside becomes a blurry Rorschach blot.
Wait is that a DEAD bird? Youd better go and check that out. Girls are said to be fond of courageous men, so if that bird isnt dead, maybe you can go out and save it with CPR. Nothing like creating art for the world to love without any love in your own life! Scurrying outside like an elderly man suffering from angina, you find out that the bird isnt a bird at all. Its a leaflet for a meat sale at the Meat Hut. That goes in the pocket for later.
The second step isnt quite as involved as the first, so dont you panic! After you finally come back inside with the meat leaflet burning a hole in your burnt sienna corduroys, its time to REALLY get down to business. Plop yourself into your bean bag chair (its the preferred seating for gamesmen/women) and watch some daytime TV. Boy, those TV show judges sure do hate the white trash and their problems! Just let the lady have her pit bull and $12 back! Geeze!
After a good six hours of enriching your mind with high-quality daytime drama, its time to tear into step three. This step involves you taking stock of your life choices by categorizing your Betamax collection by SMELL. Peach pits go on the left end, oaky barrel-aged cassettes go in the center, and ones that smell like that time Mark Dacascos fell into your shelving, bringing it all crashing down into a bizarre anecdote they go to the right. What about that one Betamax that smells like a wasted life, full of lost potential and emotionally crushing solitude? you may, or may not, ask. Throw that one out.
With nine oclock post meridiem rounding the corner, and all important steps completed, its time to write your masterful critique. Tap-tap-tap out those bloated industry buzzwords with hostile relish! Tip-tip-tip your hat to some inside knowledge that makes your opinion matter more than those lowly amateurs that consider themselves competition! Biff-boff-boof those scores to altitudes that only stars in the night sky can truly appreciate! And crinch-cranch-crunch eat a carrot, or something. You look hungry.
And there you have it! A concise, biting re-telling of how an interactive experience critique is born!
How long does it take? Like 45 minutes. What am I, your stopwatch? Get off my porch!
A critical analysis of interactive experiences is a very personal and harrowing experience. Like any form of art, you have to BE the interactive experience before you can truly analyze it the way it deserves. Living inside the experience and feeling its heartbeat will bring you together as one. Tasting every nook and cranny, followed by a hearty whiffing of any odiferous emissions, enhances your soulful connection to the experience in ways mere mortals cannot even comprehend.
Once you have rolled in the nectar of the Gods like a swine on PCP you are then ready to gift the world with a tasteful, heart-rending piece of art. Yes, the true masters answer the questions of the universe by creating art of the mind and soul. Videographic games critiques are then painfully birthed unto this Earth.
So what does it take to write a piece of art for the lowly gutter dwellers to misunderstand and fear? Boy, let me tell youits no trip to juvie for stealing those Culligan water jugs! You were just going to keep quarters in them, anyway. Its not worth the pain and effort. Just take your quarters to the bank and have them rolled and exchanged for cash money. Your honey will love the cash money far more than your stories of being the recipient of many atomic wedgies.
Okay! The first step towards a masterful review is to convince yourself that you are going to write the review. Once youve deluded yourself into thinking that something productive is about to happen (often by hovering your fingers over the keyboard and making tap-a tap-a tap-a sounds with your mouth), shift your focus to the window. Stare out that window until your eyes cross and the world outside becomes a blurry Rorschach blot.
Wait is that a DEAD bird? Youd better go and check that out. Girls are said to be fond of courageous men, so if that bird isnt dead, maybe you can go out and save it with CPR. Nothing like creating art for the world to love without any love in your own life! Scurrying outside like an elderly man suffering from angina, you find out that the bird isnt a bird at all. Its a leaflet for a meat sale at the Meat Hut. That goes in the pocket for later.
The second step isnt quite as involved as the first, so dont you panic! After you finally come back inside with the meat leaflet burning a hole in your burnt sienna corduroys, its time to REALLY get down to business. Plop yourself into your bean bag chair (its the preferred seating for gamesmen/women) and watch some daytime TV. Boy, those TV show judges sure do hate the white trash and their problems! Just let the lady have her pit bull and $12 back! Geeze!
After a good six hours of enriching your mind with high-quality daytime drama, its time to tear into step three. This step involves you taking stock of your life choices by categorizing your Betamax collection by SMELL. Peach pits go on the left end, oaky barrel-aged cassettes go in the center, and ones that smell like that time Mark Dacascos fell into your shelving, bringing it all crashing down into a bizarre anecdote they go to the right. What about that one Betamax that smells like a wasted life, full of lost potential and emotionally crushing solitude? you may, or may not, ask. Throw that one out.
With nine oclock post meridiem rounding the corner, and all important steps completed, its time to write your masterful critique. Tap-tap-tap out those bloated industry buzzwords with hostile relish! Tip-tip-tip your hat to some inside knowledge that makes your opinion matter more than those lowly amateurs that consider themselves competition! Biff-boff-boof those scores to altitudes that only stars in the night sky can truly appreciate! And crinch-cranch-crunch eat a carrot, or something. You look hungry.
And there you have it! A concise, biting re-telling of how an interactive experience critique is born!
How long does it take? Like 45 minutes. What am I, your stopwatch? Get off my porch!
SteveWinwood
Member
I really wanna know who Frosty is.
A Pretty Panda
fuckin' called it, man
Can you please write about my life's stories?
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