Sorry Bagels (see? No nickname there... Bags!), I can't write shit. I should try, but it'll all be useless.
Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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Ugh sorry to hear that, especially the introvert part. I was lucky enough when I first started having my thoughts to have had the balls to tell one of my friends and we started to become a lot closer since there was a whole lot of trust/emotional stuff I put on her at the time (regarding the nature of the thoughts above all). But I hear you about having no one to talk to, as I don't really have friends anymore and I've become a recluse myself. It is mentally exhausting and debilitating. Do you have a therapist/psychiatrist?
I understand where you're coming from with your weight issues, neo. Mine are reverse, though; I'm 5'10 and fluctuating around 110 lbs. I wish I could gain some weight so I didn't look like so much of a stick, but I'm not sure it'd help me anyhow. You're definitely not alone with body image/self-esteem issues.
I've tried everything. Eat nothing but junk with a lot of calories and fat and do nothing? Been doing it for years. My body just burns everything off or sends whatever I eat out into a black hole.
Mhm. Or waking up numb, finding something out/seeing something and then feeling like crap for days on end with no way to pull yourself back up.
I've tried everything. Eat nothing but junk with a lot of calories and fat and do nothing? Been doing it for years. My body just burns everything off or sends whatever I eat out into a black hole.
I had the same problem. My "genes" were screwing me over and then I decided to work hard at the gym and I gained over 40lbs. Same thing with losing weight. Proper eating and tons of hard work.
Hey, remember you are not alone, but you can fix that, you just have to do some healthy habits and you will start losing weight. I know you can do it, jus try and you'll see.
Don't worry, you have a great height and you being underweight is not bad at all, many men would love to be like you, including me and neojubei, and many girls love skinny guys, so don't trouble yourself with it. Though if you still feel uncomfortable about it you could try eating more proteins and doing some excersice. Execesice may help you a bit with you depression problems too, as in they distract you for a moment.
In my case, I came to expect nothing good from the morning. So I don't go to sleep at night hoping for something better anymore.
You could say I lost hope of my life ever getting better. You would be right.
Exr
Member
Unless you have some insane fucked up curse you can lose it. You can always lose it!
Bel Marduk
Banned
User 100115
Banned
Nevermind.
It's okay Fiction, I appreciate what you were trying to do.
Surface of Me
I'm not an NPC. And neither are we.
i have nothing and have failed myself
User 100115
Banned
Going to crawl back in bed, but I found this and wanted to share.
21 Tips to Keep Your Shit Together When You're Depressed.
21 Tips to Keep Your Shit Together When You're Depressed.
Prax
Member
Hey everyone~!
The last few days have been a little surreal for me, but other than that, I've been around and reading the thread whenever I'm surfing the net.
I read through the few pages since I've last responded and was overwhelmed with how much I might have to reply to because everyone deserves to get a response or some sort fo acknowledgement, but honestly.. it IS overwhelming! SO much so that I didn't even want to post. lol
I guess I feel some sort of obligation even though technically, I'm not really obligated to do anything (phew~!).
So in order to get over that inertia, I'm just going to pick a few things on the latest page to respond to.
But please, don't ever feel like your posts are just being ignored and not considered. My support and good thoughts go out to all of you, really, and I always hope that others do read everything too. There's so much people can learn just from "eavesdropping" in other people's conversations (I love eavesdropping lol).
That said, it's still good if you do work out and try to eat healthily, and maybe it will be a long process, but perhaps it's not as impossible to attain the body image you want through those means as you think.
ALSO ALSO, if all else fails, focus on working hard and making the big monies. That way, you can afford liposuction or plastic surgery or gastric bypass or what have you and become who you want. I normally would not recommend such drastic measures, since it seems rare that they in the end do fix any underlying mental health issues, but hey, it's something people do as an option for themselves anyway. You know you have the option, and that can help you keep focused on a productive goal, and I find it a better alternative than the one you keep being fixated on.
I too need to live a healthier lifestyle and find it really difficult to get motivated about it, but I should really get on ti and stop procrastinating.. ahhhhhh...!
Maybe you feel this way because it signals that you need to take a break. Maybe things got overwhelming and you had to shut off an emotional valve for now, kind of like how when someone has physical trauma, sometimes the body goes into shock as a way to preserve all the vital organs by redirecting blood and resources form everything else. It's like a surge protector.
Unfortunately, in a roundabout way, it makes you feel like you are dying more than you are being preserved like your body intends... And sometimes the body and the brain, and maybe especially for people with depression, goes into a preservation mode that overshoots/overcompensates, which causes you issues (like fatal drop in blood pressure, locking your mental faculties down... even triggering depression spirals, I bet!).
Try to rest and make yourself comfortable so your body feels that it is safe, and then hopefully your brain will catch up with that response and the emptiness will pass and you can recover. I'd also suggest just watching something mindless or funny to distract yourself.
Failing oneself always does feel like the ultimate betrayal and then you can't trust yourself to do anything anymore, but that's not true. You can try again. And there's always things you can do and accomplish and succeed in different ways, whether they are big or little things (and don't discount the little things! They build up!).
"21) Forgive yourself. I’m writing out all these tips, and I can’t always muster the strength to even stick my nose outside, or walk up the stairs, or eat my vegetables. Today, I got outside for ten minutes. I will try again tomorrow. And I will try again the day after that."
We all screw up and make a bunch of mistakes! Most likely, they are not the world-ending or go-to-jail kind, so in that case, take a deep breath, count to ten, and recompose yourself. Apologize if you have to. Fix it if you can and learn from it if you can't. Forgive yourself for being silly. And onto the next stretch and repeat (and take breaks as needed).
Fiction also inspired me to find quotes too!
I learn most of my life lessons from cartoons because that's how cool I am. XD
And they say the media is a bad influence. Hah~ You just gotta be choosy.
So here's some anime quotes that inspire me to keep going and try to become the person I want to admire.
Yes, we should avoid people who will abuse us or be wary of being overly naive, but when we are betrayed or disappointed, that doesn't mean we need to distrust and turn away from the entire world. We're resilient. We can survive this and we can heal. And we can open ourselves to good things.. especially with learning to trust the very people who are trying to help us and not feeling too scared to have good things in life.
Anyway, as cheesy or naively idealistic as these quotes may be, I still keep them in the back of my mind because I know deep in my heart I want them to be true. And if I want to live in the kind of world where those things ARE true, then I need to act in a way that creates that kind of world. So I will be strong, and kind, and trusting, and strive to keep going. (..even if there are setbacks and I get frustrated or procrastinate way too much!)
In conclusion, you have it in you to do what you need to, even if it's a tiny bit at a time. Keep going. You have strength in there that can be used that you don't even know exists. The fact that you're still alive proves it.
The last few days have been a little surreal for me, but other than that, I've been around and reading the thread whenever I'm surfing the net.
I read through the few pages since I've last responded and was overwhelmed with how much I might have to reply to because everyone deserves to get a response or some sort fo acknowledgement, but honestly.. it IS overwhelming! SO much so that I didn't even want to post. lol
I guess I feel some sort of obligation even though technically, I'm not really obligated to do anything (phew~!).
So in order to get over that inertia, I'm just going to pick a few things on the latest page to respond to.
But please, don't ever feel like your posts are just being ignored and not considered. My support and good thoughts go out to all of you, really, and I always hope that others do read everything too. There's so much people can learn just from "eavesdropping" in other people's conversations (I love eavesdropping lol).
This actually COULD be an issue you have. There are people who naturally or through genetics have a body that enjoys gaining weight or seems to maintain a certain weight as its "equilibrium" despite how much work they put into trying to gain or lose weight. As long as you're healthy though, it's better to develop a mindset where you can accept that the weight you are is good for you and you can move on to do other things and focus on other things.
That said, it's still good if you do work out and try to eat healthily, and maybe it will be a long process, but perhaps it's not as impossible to attain the body image you want through those means as you think.
ALSO ALSO, if all else fails, focus on working hard and making the big monies. That way, you can afford liposuction or plastic surgery or gastric bypass or what have you and become who you want. I normally would not recommend such drastic measures, since it seems rare that they in the end do fix any underlying mental health issues, but hey, it's something people do as an option for themselves anyway. You know you have the option, and that can help you keep focused on a productive goal, and I find it a better alternative than the one you keep being fixated on.
Like I said to neojubei, it can be a long and hard process if your body is naturally resistant to losing weight anyway, but you're making good progress, it sounds! Keep going!
I too need to live a healthier lifestyle and find it really difficult to get motivated about it, but I should really get on ti and stop procrastinating.. ahhhhhh...!
Maybe you have just reached a zen state of shock or confusion and don't know what to do. It does sound scary because it sounds like you suddenly feel detached from your own reality, but try to think of it in a self-preservation sort of way.
Maybe you feel this way because it signals that you need to take a break. Maybe things got overwhelming and you had to shut off an emotional valve for now, kind of like how when someone has physical trauma, sometimes the body goes into shock as a way to preserve all the vital organs by redirecting blood and resources form everything else. It's like a surge protector.
Unfortunately, in a roundabout way, it makes you feel like you are dying more than you are being preserved like your body intends... And sometimes the body and the brain, and maybe especially for people with depression, goes into a preservation mode that overshoots/overcompensates, which causes you issues (like fatal drop in blood pressure, locking your mental faculties down... even triggering depression spirals, I bet!).
Try to rest and make yourself comfortable so your body feels that it is safe, and then hopefully your brain will catch up with that response and the emptiness will pass and you can recover. I'd also suggest just watching something mindless or funny to distract yourself.
What makes you say that?
Failing oneself always does feel like the ultimate betrayal and then you can't trust yourself to do anything anymore, but that's not true. You can try again. And there's always things you can do and accomplish and succeed in different ways, whether they are big or little things (and don't discount the little things! They build up!).
I especially like the last tip:
"21) Forgive yourself. I’m writing out all these tips, and I can’t always muster the strength to even stick my nose outside, or walk up the stairs, or eat my vegetables. Today, I got outside for ten minutes. I will try again tomorrow. And I will try again the day after that."
We all screw up and make a bunch of mistakes! Most likely, they are not the world-ending or go-to-jail kind, so in that case, take a deep breath, count to ten, and recompose yourself. Apologize if you have to. Fix it if you can and learn from it if you can't. Forgive yourself for being silly. And onto the next stretch and repeat (and take breaks as needed).
Fiction also inspired me to find quotes too!
I learn most of my life lessons from cartoons because that's how cool I am. XD
And they say the media is a bad influence. Hah~ You just gotta be choosy.
So here's some anime quotes that inspire me to keep going and try to become the person I want to admire.
Lina Inverse - The Slayers said:
For context, she's pretty much talking to a badguy who's out to destroy the world, but I also think of it as an internal monologue against my own demons and doubts. We all have to keep working toward the world we want to live in, and that doesn't happen through destruction of ourselves.Lina Inverse - The Slayers said:
For context, Edward's talking to Rose who's had a tough life and been betrayed a whole lot by it and is unable to see how she can live anymore. I take it to mean that we all have the strength to do something, no matter how little. It's in us. We're still alive to do it and we can keep getting up and forging ahead.Edward Elric to Rose - Full Metal Alchemist said:
For context, Youko is arguing with a psychic apparition that is making her hate the world for betraying her time and again. I want to have this mindset too. It's one that I admire and I want to be the kind of person who can show kindness and put my hopes in people and things.Youko Nakajima - Twelve Kingdoms said:
Yes, we should avoid people who will abuse us or be wary of being overly naive, but when we are betrayed or disappointed, that doesn't mean we need to distrust and turn away from the entire world. We're resilient. We can survive this and we can heal. And we can open ourselves to good things.. especially with learning to trust the very people who are trying to help us and not feeling too scared to have good things in life.
Anyway, as cheesy or naively idealistic as these quotes may be, I still keep them in the back of my mind because I know deep in my heart I want them to be true. And if I want to live in the kind of world where those things ARE true, then I need to act in a way that creates that kind of world. So I will be strong, and kind, and trusting, and strive to keep going. (..even if there are setbacks and I get frustrated or procrastinate way too much!)
In conclusion, you have it in you to do what you need to, even if it's a tiny bit at a time. Keep going. You have strength in there that can be used that you don't even know exists. The fact that you're still alive proves it.
I was doing okay for a while there, hit a skid in the past week or so, though. Pulled myself out of bed at 7 pm, more not to worry my own mother than with any real regard for my own self. I could have just laid there until the sun went down, what reason was there not to?
No idea how long I spent just lying there with my thoughts. And days before that lying under my covers trying to sleep, exhausted but in no frame of mind to rest. Missed my dose of Venlafaxine yesterday without even really thinking about it. Wondering when my head will stop feeling fucked up now that I've remembered to take today's. Every time I think it's going to right itself, the feeling comes back like an echo. Don't know if I'm warm or cold, whether it's right to (try) to sleep or try to untangle all this bullshit. Don't even know if I deserve sleep, hate myself for wanting sleep instead of wanting to look my problems in the eye. Maybe one day I won't be a waste of perfectly good tax revenue. Seems impossible for right now.
No idea how long I spent just lying there with my thoughts. And days before that lying under my covers trying to sleep, exhausted but in no frame of mind to rest. Missed my dose of Venlafaxine yesterday without even really thinking about it. Wondering when my head will stop feeling fucked up now that I've remembered to take today's. Every time I think it's going to right itself, the feeling comes back like an echo. Don't know if I'm warm or cold, whether it's right to (try) to sleep or try to untangle all this bullshit. Don't even know if I deserve sleep, hate myself for wanting sleep instead of wanting to look my problems in the eye. Maybe one day I won't be a waste of perfectly good tax revenue. Seems impossible for right now.
Dorimukyasuto
Member
Does anyone else find that their depression (and for me anxiety also) gets much worse when the warm weather comes around? I know most people say they feel better when the weather is nice but I sure don't.
I guess part of it could be that I'm very unhappy with my appearance. The other part is that everyone else seems so happy to be alive and I don't feel it. All I feel like doing is sleeping OR walking for an intense length of time. Walking always numbs my depression temporarily. I walked 3 miles yesterday because I didn't go out 'til late.
I need to get in better shape and maybe I'll feel better.
If I didn't have these exams I probably would just stay home and focus on exercising. At least I have a couple miles of walking from the bus stop.
How do you feel depressed GAF?
I'm not even that fat. But I think I look like complete shit.
I'm not even at the point of thinking about anyone wanting me. I just want to think I look OK, at least.
I guess part of it could be that I'm very unhappy with my appearance. The other part is that everyone else seems so happy to be alive and I don't feel it. All I feel like doing is sleeping OR walking for an intense length of time. Walking always numbs my depression temporarily. I walked 3 miles yesterday because I didn't go out 'til late.
I need to get in better shape and maybe I'll feel better.
If I didn't have these exams I probably would just stay home and focus on exercising. At least I have a couple miles of walking from the bus stop.
How do you feel depressed GAF?
I'm not even that fat. But I think I look like complete shit.
I'm not even at the point of thinking about anyone wanting me. I just want to think I look OK, at least.
Man, you're not alone when it comes to heat-related depression. The hotter it is, the hotter I am, and the more anxious/irritable/depressed I become. It's especially bad when the temperature gets around 110+ in mid-to-late summer. Then again, this past winter was one of the worst one for me, which is odd because I usually come more alive during winter. I think it's because I'm feeling hopeless about my situation in life since I'm only a year and a half away from 30, and I'm not anywhere near where I'd hoped I'd be.
eddfromtheriver
Banned
It's the other way around... grey skies get me down... and it's raining right now, funny because i used to love rainy days... and suddenly did a 180.
Surface of Me
I'm not an NPC. And neither are we.
Everytime I fail it feels like the whole world is falling on top of me, no matter how major or minor. Its terrible.
Sidewinder
Member
Everything you wrote applies to me too, except I've been 30 for one and a half year. Summer has always been the worst for me, sweating all the time and when anxiety sets in, I sweat even more, which doesn't help one bit with human interactions. The heat and beautiful weather pulls everybody outside and that's not helping with anxiety either. I'd rather just crawl back in a cool cave and aestivate (opposite of hibernation, had to look it up
.That about sums it up over here too.
Yep. Here too.
No. you are good at having words for everyone here, I appreciate what you do.
You can change that. You can do it
Ikr, did a bit of self harm tonight. What a dumbass.
BlueSummers
Member
Got another one here too..just feel so empty..like nothing matters.
Collete
Member
Same here man....Same here.........*SIGH*
Many guys on GAF have girl problems, but I have friend problems. I've never related all that well to any group of friends that I've hung out with. I've fallen apart from all my friends as a result.
I've gotten to the point where I'm apprehensive of trying to make new friends, because practically the same thing happens every time: I think I've found some people I can relate to, but then as I get closer to them, I realize I share almost nothing in common with them.
I guess my upbringing could have something to do with it. I grew up religious, and participated in religious groups, so I became accustomed to people who were passionate and serious. But by 15, I had become an agnostic atheist.
As a result, I guess I'm kinda at a crossroads personality-wise. I don't believe in being a servant of God, but I also don't believe in the nihilism of the party lifestyle. It seems like everyone (my age, early 20s) I meet is either self-centered to the point of not caring who they hurt as long as it isn't themselves or their friends, or religious to the point that it seems like they only care about other people because they want to go to heaven.
What's the trick to maintaining friendships? Am I asking too much out of friends, or should I have higher standards? Should I be looking for a girlfriend instead to fulfill my need to relate to someone? (I've never dated before, due to lack of interest.)
I've gotten to the point where I'm apprehensive of trying to make new friends, because practically the same thing happens every time: I think I've found some people I can relate to, but then as I get closer to them, I realize I share almost nothing in common with them.
I guess my upbringing could have something to do with it. I grew up religious, and participated in religious groups, so I became accustomed to people who were passionate and serious. But by 15, I had become an agnostic atheist.
As a result, I guess I'm kinda at a crossroads personality-wise. I don't believe in being a servant of God, but I also don't believe in the nihilism of the party lifestyle. It seems like everyone (my age, early 20s) I meet is either self-centered to the point of not caring who they hurt as long as it isn't themselves or their friends, or religious to the point that it seems like they only care about other people because they want to go to heaven.
What's the trick to maintaining friendships? Am I asking too much out of friends, or should I have higher standards? Should I be looking for a girlfriend instead to fulfill my need to relate to someone? (I've never dated before, due to lack of interest.)
+1 for that here. I never used to be this way, but around a year ago I started becoming more detached from people. I wasn't raised super religious like you (doubted the existence of God from a young age), I find personality wise I'm more conservative (I guess) than most people my age who love to drink and party (I used to smoke on occasion to relieve stress) while I don't care to do either. Don't look for a girlfriend only, please. Don't make the same mistake I did, because if things go south, then you're possibly back to where you started, or worse. I'm not sure how to make friendships as, like you, even if I become "close" with someone, I end up feeling as though there is nothing in common between us. Sorry I can't be of more help, but just don't rely on a girlfriend only, please.
Yeah, I prefer fall and winter because I can wear lots of clothes which hide my grotesquely skinny arms and legs. My appearance is one of the main sources of my depression and anxiety, so wearing more revealing summer clothes usually makes me feel more on-edge when out in public.
Huw_Dawson
Member
This thread is good to read though. Thank you all for posting. It has made tonight slightly brighter.
Collete
Member
Maybe it'll be a book some day....I should write it....Maybe.
Quote time, kind of depicting how I feel:
I wish I knew, I really do. As someone who has had some group of "friends" get tired of me and leave me alone, I can relate. Luckily I still have my group of close friends from high school, I'd be completely alone if it wasn't for them (even though I don't see them often).
I don't know if a girl would fill the emptiness that you feel. And I don't know how to get a girlfriend either, so I can't help you there, sorry.
You should write it, yeah. I'd be genuinely interested in reading whatever you write.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
“People were always getting ready for tomorrow. I didn't believe in that. Tomorrow wasn't getting ready for them. It didn't even know they were there.”
― Cormac McCarthy, The Road
Carry the fire, oomi.
Prax
Member
I don't know if my advice is the greatest seeing as I am a bit of a social recluse myself, but I do have friends somehow (even I am amazed sometimes lol), and I have developed a mindset about friendships that might relieve your anxieties about it:
It's okay to have superficial friends. It's NOT a bad thing. Friends who you are only superficial with have their place. They are fun to hang around sometimes, you don't have to overthink, and the obligations are low. They can be stress free!
I think lots of people may only really "operate" on a superficial level, and that's okay too. They can be fine and happy with their kind of shallow friendships, and that's okay. Try not to judge about that and appreciate their friendship for what it is instead of being disappointed for what it isn't. They may come and go in your life, but it's good to have these kinds of relationships in your life too. Like I said, have fun, low commitment, low stress!
As for maintaining friendships and developing deeper ones, just keep communicating and hanging out and offering what you can handle (like buying a drink, helping to move, small favours and the like), and accept offers of help in return. It's not just about what you can give and take, but you're building bonds with people and this is one of the ways to do it. It's not that selfish, and being a little selfish is okay anyway. lol
And try to be open to suggestions. We all have our hard boundaries, but people open up when you open up, so be willing to compromise on one or two things to humour someone if it's of no great importance to you. I think you will eventually get a feel for who can or can't reciprocate and develop deeper.
For finding new friends, having some sort of hobby or fandom as a common interest is probably easiest. Join some groups or clubs and see if people click with you there. Like I said, I am not all that great with making friends, but I have art and general nerdom (games, cartoons, internets) to use as a common interest, and even being a member of something like Deviantart or NeoGAF itself has gained me friendships somehow! I just had to put myself out there, even if it made me apprehensive at first. You are kind of doing it right now. Not so bad, right?
I don't think a relationship would necessarily fill this need you feel, and my own thing is to develop the friendships first and branch into relationships later (probably by being introduced to new people through your friends). It's always nice to know you have the support of friends you can trust when you're also in a relationship, so if you have rough times, they can give advice or get you out of a rut and such.
I use to think I was really bad at "friendship" and had a hard time connecting with people. I still do honestly (I contact my closest in-city friends maybe once or twice a month lol). Maybe it's elitism. Maybe it's social anxiety. But whatever it was, I later learned to just put myself out there and allow connections to happen, even if they are shallow at first. And it's not so bad after all. If I can do it, so can you!
You totally could! You could just organize the posts and then write introductions to each chapter or something to make it lower stress.
That quote also reminds me of artist block. That familiar blank canvas of the vague future or unattainable perfect image in the mind. So I don't even want to try.
But sometimes I do try anyway and end up with something silly or laughable, but you know.. it's still something. And now I have a base to work off of--or at least something to file away and laugh at years later.
Also, I found this really nice article~! Plus points that it uses terms such as "jerkbrain".
Thought I'd share:
HOW TO KEEP MORNING FORWARD, EVEN WHEN YOUR BRAIN HATES YOU
http://keelium.wordpress.com/2013/02/11/how-to-keep-moving-forward-even-when-your-brain-hates-you/
Nice quote from it:
Let things be hard said:
It has great strategies to try out too. I think they're great because they are the things I find to work out for me.
Collete
Member
I was half joking guys.
I don't think I could make anything out of that. I don't think anyone would be interested in reading about depressed people in any case.
MisterLuffy
Member
My life is so boring. I'm not making it productive. I slack off most of the time when it comes to homework, finding a job, or searching a career and knowing how it will do in the next 5 years. I only make mistakes which lead to even bigger ones. I'm so angry and disappointed with myself that I don't have to hear it from people because I know I am a failure at life. I just don't like me.
Gay therapy group was bad today. The topic was relationships. Everyone talked about the men they loved hated and such. And then there's me who never been in a relationship. Why doesn't a plane fall out of the sky to kill me.
People don't date fat guys like me
People don't date fat guys like me
So, not so much depression, but I find myself putting up a lot more barriers around myself and I am trying not to let any new people into my life. Nor am I opening myself up anymore than I already have to people already in my life.
I just don't see a point in complaining anymore, or making myself vulnerable. It only gets me into trouble.
I just don't see a point in complaining anymore, or making myself vulnerable. It only gets me into trouble.
I already told you, I am! Also, half joking means you were being half serious
I have 6 days to send Bags my writing about music for his anthology project, and I still haven't written more than half a page. I can't even do that right, lol. I'm not a failure, because that would mean that I've tried at least. No, not even that. I gave up before I even began. How do you call a person like that? Stupid?
- Status