Drinking I haven't tried. I often think it might help me in small amounts. I've actually never drank anything alcoholic despite me having been old enough. I just hate the attitude kids have these days over how awesome drinking til you pass out is and that turns me away from the whole thing.
I agree with you on the latter, the key is to not pass out. /heavyweight
I wouldn't recommend drinking to cope with stuff but...
If you're going to do alcoholism, here's some advice from someone who had a similar exposure to alcohol as you; drink something high in volume and filling like beer, I did spirits, and mercifully, I could handle spirits like a champ (I liked the taste to boot), however I concede that with the benefit of hindsight, that was a terrible idea. Take it slow and steady, and thats what the high volume to alcohol ratio allows very easily. You basically wanna find the point where your mind is preoccupied with other ramblings, rather than bad thoughts, past tipsy, but before drunk, the sweet spot.
Don't get drunk drunk, but if you get drunk, remind yourself mentally that you are drunk, it gives a nice second pass mechanism to any stupid ideas you may get, I've found, saved myself from a lot more grief than I was seconds away from unleashing on myself. My daft moments have all manifested in me being a little to ready to talk inebriated; the second pass mechanism took the edge off of that a few times, and I said...well, more than I should have but not enough to bite me in the arse.
But, honestly, drinking to cope is a bad idea.
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Going to have a wee rant here, because well, everythings getting to me.
Paranoia's skyrocketed, I'm sitting on a secret my family will despise and reject me for, most people I know are shallow and will reject me as they discover that my mind is about as well supported as a house built on the goddamn sands. I'm pretty scared about my future. Worst case scenario, I just leave without a word, uproot and find a new place. Alone.
I've lost pretty much all my identity, and I tell myself, man, you dont need to find it immediately, you'll work it out, but crap, at least before I had parameters to define myself by, now I've lost pretty much all of them. Every goddamn plan is purely survival, I have nothing for myself that I can say, I don't need to do this, but I want to, everything is forced. I'm trapped in the four walls of my head. Every moment brains ticking and whirring, working out the next 50 bloody moves and I am sick of having to do so. I regret my life, my circumstances utterly and completely. So many slip ups, mistakes. So much anger, and I just cannot let go at all, try as I might.
And sometimes, out of the blue, when I think I've kicked the depression to the floor a while, it comes back, and it always ends with one thought, that I'm a shit person, devoid of empathy, lazy, an ungrateful bastard. Every night I go to bed and I feel broken.
Also, fucking hell, the depressed -> overeat cycle -> remorse cycle is bloody annoying.
