Depression

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Anonymous Email Account!

Thanks to curtisaur for the idea!

You can now email things to mentalillnessGAF@gmail.com (depression-GAF is being rebranded*) that you'd like posted in the thread without your name (like anonymous confession GAF, but with less creepiness, I hope). So far, Prax and I have access to retrieve the messages. I might add a few more trusted regulars if we prove too lazy to handle things.

Working on a new OP for a new thread. Please keep sharing your ideas.


*or is it? Depression & Co GAF? There's concern that "mental illness" is a more stigmatized term. And, to make things a bit easier on me, the new OP may be more general, but with some depression resources, with post 2 reserved for other mental illnesses.
 
Bagels said:
I think you're right, but it's going to take a lot more work. I want to have some definitions and resources for common diagnoses. Keep suggesting stuff and I'll add it. If you can help me with resources for bipolar disorder, anxiety, OCD, and whatever else, it'll help. I have my depression resources ready to go, but that has really been my focus.

An OP needs artwork, obviously. I have no idea what, but any help I can get there will be most appreciated.
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I think going with the mental health thing was the right choice. I don't mean this in an insulting way but it's pretty clear that quite a few people posting in this thread have other forms of mental illness besides depression (mainly anxiety).

Edit: The only people really responding to the thread are pretty much people looking for help or people giving help. I don't think naming the thread mental illness should cause any problems. Either way i think it will work fine.
 
AdventureRacing said:
I think going with the mental health thing was the right choice. I don't mean this in an insulting way but it's pretty clear that quite a few people posting in this thread have other forms of mental illness besides depression (mainly anxiety).

Edit: The only people really responding to the thread are pretty much people looking for help or people giving help. I don't think naming the thread mental illness should cause any problems. Either way i think it will work fine.
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I'm torn. You're absolutely right, and we want to include everyone, but Depression is more our focus. So I dunno. It's also the name we use now. But, whatever we call ourselves, it is a community for anxiety, eating disorders, and on and on, too. It all tends to come together, to some extent.

I have basically equal votes for either title - depression or mental illness (or mental health?). Keep convincing me!

The plan as of this minute is 1 post about the thread and the community, 1 with depression resources and 1 with resources for other mental illnesses. There's just way too much for one post.

The OP will explicitly state that we cover anxiety, bipolar disorder, etc. no matter what the thread is called.
 
I've been extremely self destructing lately, burning bridges left and right. I believe I should see a psychologist, but where do I start? Never done that before.
 
Bagels said:
I'm torn. You're absolutely right, and we want to include everyone, but Depression is more our focus. So I dunno. It's also the name we use now. But, whatever we call ourselves, it is a community for anxiety, eating disorders, and on and on, too. It all tends to come together, to some extent.

I have basically equal votes for either title - depression or mental illness (or mental health?). Keep convincing me!

The plan as of this minute is 1 post about the thread and the community, 1 with depression resources and 1 with resources for other mental illnesses. There's just way too much for one post.

The OP will explicitly state that we cover anxiety, bipolar disorder, etc. no matter what the thread is called.
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Mental Health sounds less daunting than Mental Illness, IMHO. Might just be a branding thing. You can just mention Depression in the title too, something like.

Mental Health OT of Depression, Help and Understanding

Or sth like that. Could be a pun, too, if we're into that, but I think we should stick to something clean.
 
Smiley90 said:
Mental Health sounds less daunting than Mental Illness, IMHO. Might just be a branding thing. You can just mention Depression in the title too, something like.

Mental Health OT of Depression, Help and Understanding

Or sth like that. Could be a pun, too, if we're into that, but I think we should stick to something clean.
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I like it, smiley!

Also, we're adding an FAQ. "Why can't people just cheer up?" "This thread is too depressing. Why read it?" Any other general issues to address?
 
What about just DepressionGAF: Cause something something.

I cant think of a good pun right now, but most other GAF communities have it. Self irony is important.

I been lurking in the thread for some time. Yea Im depressed.
 
Hermii said:
What about just DepressionGAF: Cause something something.

I cant think of a good pun right now, but most other GAF communities have it. Self irony is important.

I been lurking in the thread for some time. Yea Im depressed.
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I've been tryin to think of puns, but couldn't think of anything better than

Mental Health OT | We got 99 problems and public stigma is one

So far. We'll see. I'm okay both with a pun and a non-pun title.
 
Smiley90 said:
I've been tryin to think of puns, but couldn't think of anything better than

Mental Health OT | We got 99 problems and public stigma is one

So far. We'll see. I'm okay both with a pun and a non-pun title.
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There's not going to be a pun. It doesn't feel right to me.
 
For the record, my punny slick suggestion was:

Depression & Co. |OT| Healing & Dealing

co = company + comorbid mental health issues lol and also coping! See, all about that symbolism
healing = self-explanatory. we want to heal and be a safe place
dealing = coping and trying to find solutions or just "dealing" with our lives
healing & dealing = it rhymes~! *_* and it sounds videogamey. haha!

HOWEVER, having such a glib title might attract glib members/posters who would feel it's okay to troll the thread or make hit-and-run puns at people's expenses. And when people are at really low points and really sensitive, sometimes it's just not very funny, like trying to "tickle" an open wound. lol And then lots of posts/energy will be wasted on damage control.

We need to know what we are okay with dealing with.. XD
 
Some of the stuff about the thread that Prax and I wrote (she wrote the good bits!). Feedback would be appreciated!

These are the guidelines we came up with to help guide the discussion:


Resources in this thread:

[Depression-GAF is our established name, but it’s synonymous with Mental Illness-GAF]

Depression-GAF is a place for anyone suffering from mental illness, dealing with mental illness in friends and loved ones, or simply wanting to learn more.

It is hard to deal with mental illness. It will get difficult and frustrating, and that's a realistic expectation, but we want to help people heal and feel safe to examine their struggles and feel less alone.

Please note that your problems are decidedly real, even if you feel like you’re reading posts from people that have it way worse than you. It’s not a competition. Everyone is welcome.


We ask a few things in this thread:

1) Have patience and compassion with people, including yourself. People in here are often very sick and trolling that would get a laugh elsewhere can have dire consequences. Consider how you respond to posts you don’t like. We get the occasional “Just man up!” type nonsense in here. Arguing with these posts is a waste of time. Our regulars will help deal with these people.

When someone doesn't take your advice or reply, don't take it personally. Some people just want acknowledgement of what they experienced and are not ready for change or ready to confront new possibilities.

While there are many people who read every post in the thread, it can move too quickly for every post to get a response. We ask your patience with us. We try our best! If a post goes unanswered, politely ask for help, ask in chat, on steam, in a PM, or on skype.

2) Respect people’s privacy. It can be very hard to talk about your struggles here, all the more so if you don’t want other GAF communities you’re part of to know. Please keep the information shared here within this community, unless there is good reason to repost elsewhere (e.g. intervening with a suicidal member). We have an email account (discussed below) to post things anonymously in the thread, or you can assume a different handle in chat.

3.) Be as positive as you can! We understand there are times you just need to vent and let your emotions out, but realize who it might hurt, including yourself. This thread isn't meant to hurt people. Things go best when the venting takes a back seat to questions and discussion. And if you have to vent, try to avoid broad sentiments like “I’ll never be happy” - how can anyone reasonably respond?

4.) Be open to what others have to say. Try to appreciate the different views and experiences that people have, and acknowledge that your experience is not absolute for others, and possibly even for yourself. You may not agree with all the advice given, but people took their time to write it, so take time in considering it. Examine why or how it may or may not apply to you before outright rejecting or accepting it.


The thread is the contact point for our various community efforts. To get the most out of the thread, make use of the contact list, the chat, and the thread. We’re a tight-knit community, but we’re incredibly open to new members. The many friendships I’ve found in here have all started with single PMs.

All sorts of people watch the thread every day, and posts are often discussed in the various chats (IRC, Steam, Skype) before they are replied to. It’s very easy to become a part of that. And the people who are getting the most out of our community, and are seeing the most improvement, seem to be the folks who use all of the avenues we offer.
 
Bagels said:
Jubei, man, you know I love ya, but you've got to admit that posting the same things over and over - "I'm fat," "I haven't had relationships," "the universe hates me" - is getting you absolutely nowhere, especially when you don't seem to want to hear what anyone else has to say. If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results*, then you've gone INSANE. You've got to get out of this habit of just obsessing over what you see as your failures. Try to go ONE WEEK, posting something positive every day, with no negative posts. ANYTHING POSITIVE, it does not have to be about you, even. Just try something new, man. You've go to break this cycle.

*not the definition of insanity, but it's catchy.
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Sir Abacus said:
I've been in a PHP program for a while (anxiety not depression) so I'll try to help here. Breaking the cycle is more than just finding the positive. It's about breaking through the cognitive distortions that shape a person's view of reality. When you've learned some particularly bad distortions they can be extremely hard to break.

The essence to beating depression is self-compassion. Only when we show ourselves compassion can we start to heal from the shame which causes depression.

Now there are three components to showing yourself self-compassion.

The first is being kind to yourself. Think of a problem that a friend might have. Think of how you would talk to a good friend. Then look at how you talk to yourself. You wouldn't talk to a friend how you talk to yourself, would you? Then why do it. Talk to yourself a little kinder like you would talk to a good friend.

The second is to embrace common humanity. All humans are imperfect. Everyone has problems. The thing about humans is that they're very good at projecting an exterior that's either perfect or close to perfect. But they've all got problems in one way or another. Once you realise that you're not alone with these problems you can start to see yourself that you still do belong to the group of humanity despite your flaws.

The last thing is mindfulness. Notice things but don't judge them. You should have an attitude of curiousity and acceptance. Stay in the moment. If you are sad notice that you are sad. But don't resist it. They say suffering = pain x resistance. If you try to resist your emotional pain you will suffer from it. The key to not suffering is acceptance rather than resistance.

There are many programs around that can help teach mindfulness and many other intensive PHP style programs that can help you break the cycle of depression. Look into different ones around your area and see what they can recommend. It's hard to break out of the cycle but it can be done. Because I've watched people do it.
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I would be better off if i can drill a hole in my head. then everything stops
 
neojubei said:
I would be better off if i can drill a hole in my head. then everything stops
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3.) Be as positive as you can! We understand there are times you just need to vent and let your emotions out, but realize who it might hurt, including yourself. This thread isn't meant to hurt people. Things go best when the venting takes a back seat to questions and discussion. And if you have to vent, try to avoid broad sentiments like “I’ll never be happy” - how can anyone reasonably respond?
 
Bagels said:
Gotcha on there,buddy! Plus, you get a special thanks in the post! (Happy now?)
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Only if it's VERY special ^^

Seriously now, I hope you're joking. I don't deserve the thanks, I haven't done anything for anyone. You're the ones who help and deserve it all, not me.
 
Hellcrow said:
I've been extremely self destructing lately, burning bridges left and right. I believe I should see a psychologist, but where do I start? Never done that before.
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I think it comes down to just making a call; do you have insurance? If you do, there should be a number you can call to get referrals/recommendations for mental health services.
 
Hellcrow said:
I've been extremely self destructing lately, burning bridges left and right. I believe I should see a psychologist, but where do I start? Never done that before.
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I called my local Doctor who got me an appointment with a mental health team. Try something like that.
 
Bagels said:
3.) Be as positive as you can! We understand there are times you just need to vent and let your emotions out, but realize who it might hurt, including yourself. This thread isn't meant to hurt people. Things go best when the venting takes a back seat to questions and discussion. And if you have to vent, try to avoid broad sentiments like “I’ll never be happy” - how can anyone reasonably respond?
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I know you're coming from a good place but this is seriously not a good idea. You can't shame people in shame because of their own self-criticism and there are ways you can reasonably respond to statements like that. It involves looking at evidence and facts about your life instead of believing feelings and is something that needs to be attended to by both a professional and experienced psychotherapist/psychologist and a psychiatrist.

If you want this to be helpful you need a place where people feel they can come and express their shame and feelings no matter how they feel. Everyone here needs to be courageous and compassionate so that people can build connection. If we shame them into only thinking the positive they will feel shamed, disconnected and isolated from a community of people that are just trying to be positive. The cycle just repeats itself. That's not to say it needs to be a pity party for everyone involved. But if we can show empathy, show compassion and create connection to get people talking about what troubles them more than "I'll never be happy" we can be more productive as a community for people who suffer from depression, anxiety and other mental illness.
 
Sir Abacus said:
I know you're coming from a good place but this is seriously not a good idea. You can't shame people in shame because of their own self-criticism and there are ways you can reasonably respond to statements like that. It involves looking at evidence and facts about your life instead of believing feelings and is something that needs to be attended to by both a professional and experienced psychotherapist/psychologist and a psychiatrist.

If you want this to be helpful you need a place where people feel they can come and express their shame and feelings no matter how they feel. Everyone here needs to be courageous and compassionate so that people can build connection. If we shame them into only thinking the positive they will feel shamed, disconnected and isolated from a community of people that are just trying to be positive. The cycle just repeats itself. That's not to say it needs to be a pity party for everyone involved. But if we can show empathy, show compassion and create connection to get people talking about what troubles them more than "I'll never be happy" we can be more productive as a community for people who suffer from depression, anxiety and other mental illness.
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I completely agree with what you're saying, but it wasn't meant to shame him. There's a pattern of persistent negativity there that needs to be broken. Read back 100 pages. Believe me, I'm all about creating a nurturing community - that's been my goal from the start. But if post after post, for months, ignores every attempt to be helpful and supportive, and echoes the same basic sentiment - "I cannot ever get better" - it starts to become very toxic. Other people get dragged down when all we do is vent and express helplessness. The thread is, and has always been, a place where people can express how they're feeling. But if it's going to be any help to anyone, we have to try to do more than wallow in depression.

I really want to fight for this thread to be as good as can possibly be. There's been a real downturn recently, and the venting-type posts have swamped the helpful posts. People are too frustrated to come in here. Hence the interest in a new thread, with some new guidelines to make this the best possible environment to deal with the issues people are facing.

I've spoken to neojubei many, many times. I care a lot about you, jubei, but I just don't know what to do any more. I just want you to TRY to post in a more constructive manner. No one is getting anywhere with the way things are going.
 
So it looks like we can officially move ahead with making a new thread. I'm not sure exactly when that will be posted - I want to fiddle around with stuff some more and get more input from everyone. Also, I want things to settle down a bit here before we move. :) The idea is to really change the tone of our discussion and make depression-GAF into a premium brand - no more slumming with kpop-GAF (who have about half a million views, like us(!)). Much as I'd like it to be, it's not the "Bagels' Super Depression Club |OT| Bro - Do You Even Depression?" thread, so maybe my idea of what it should be like is way off base. I want to make sure the stuff we do in the new thread reflects the views of this community, and not just my own (frankly superior - but you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink, right? Is that the right cliche?) views.

Here's the new awesome easy (one click) way to get into chat: CHAT ME
Thanks to our new chat moderator swecide for setting that up! There's this strange phenomenon where people enter chat and leave 10 seconds later. I don't get it. It takes a second to load, so maybe it looks like nobody is talking? At any rate, feel free to just idle in the channel. You can catch people that way. And feel free to jump in and interrupt any silliness. Chat is very fluid - the serious stuff can edge out the silly stuff at any time.

There's a small League of Legends craze in chat, so you can go there if you want to learn to play with me, or learn more from someone who is actually good.

So we have League of Legends and Planetside depression-gaming currently. There's actually nothing depression-y about it - it's just fun - but the people playing are all from our community, which is nice.

Another D-GAFfer also had the idea of taking a walk to get out of the house, get some exercise, engage with the world, AND take a photo while out as a sort of "visual achievement kind of thing." I think that's an awesome idea, and could be a fun thing to see in the thread. It can be tough to face the world. Take a picture of something out there and post it here and we can cheer you on! Even if it's just "here's a starbucks," it's a nice way to show that you went out there in the world, and it might just inspire the rest of us to try something new.
 
I would like to comment that whilst I agree with your sentiment, Abacus, seemingly every tack has been taken with trying to reach out to jubei and he consistently dismisses it out of hand. He's seemingly resolved to believe that his path to recovery is to wait for his perfect man to rescue and reinvent him, and how you do speak to something like that? It flies in the face of the sum of human experience and reasonable expectation, but so long as he believes it as fervently as he does, he'll continue to post and ignore us, and continue to wait for his rescuer.

I haven't stopped wanting to help the guy, but it's exhausting trying to help those who aren't interested. He could do a hell of a lot for himself if he resolved to try to lay to rest the "perfect man rescuer will fix everything/no man wants me" catch 22 that tortures him. He's capable, I very much believe that. But it's up to him to change his inertia.
 
Sir Abacus said:
I know you're coming from a good place but this is seriously not a good idea. You can't shame people in shame because of their own self-criticism and there are ways you can reasonably respond to statements like that. It involves looking at evidence and facts about your life instead of believing feelings and is something that needs to be attended to by both a professional and experienced psychotherapist/psychologist and a psychiatrist.

If you want this to be helpful you need a place where people feel they can come and express their shame and feelings no matter how they feel. Everyone here needs to be courageous and compassionate so that people can build connection. If we shame them into only thinking the positive they will feel shamed, disconnected and isolated from a community of people that are just trying to be positive. The cycle just repeats itself. That's not to say it needs to be a pity party for everyone involved. But if we can show empathy, show compassion and create connection to get people talking about what troubles them more than "I'll never be happy" we can be more productive as a community for people who suffer from depression, anxiety and other mental illness.
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I understand your concern about this. It can be patronizing and discouraging to be told how to "feel" or think, especially when it feels like it's their last semblance of control/agency in their lives. (And I really only understand because I made a character who feels this way lol.. This is how I learn to empathize with people haha).

The intention is not to dictate how people "should" be feeling and that they can't join just because they don't feel a certain way, but we do want to avoid feeding into downward spirals. Perhaps a rewording would help?

OLD
3.) Be as positive as you can! We understand there are times you just need to vent and let your emotions out, but realize who it might hurt, including yourself. This thread isn't meant to hurt people. Things go best when the venting takes a back seat to questions and discussion. And if you have to vent, try to avoid broad sentiments like “I’ll never be happy” - how can anyone reasonably respond?

REWORDED
3.) Try to approach this thread with a positive or constructive mindset.
We understand there are times you just need to vent and let your emotions out, and it's okay to do that too. We want to know how you really feel. However, realize who it might hurt, including yourself. This thread isn't meant to hurt people. Things go best when the venting takes a back seat to questions and discussion. If you have to vent, please understand that it is very difficult for others to respond appropriately to absolute statements or incredibly hurtful statements (including ones about tearing oneself down), no matter how good their intentions. Many members will try their best to help, whatever the situation though!
 
Oomikami said:
Another quote:


Supposed to be inspirational...
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It's supposed to inspire, and the truth is that the quote is actually true. The hollow fluff is always around us. It is what we truly, deeply want at our core that is the hardest to find and to obtain. What I've talked about here with what I aspire for only supports the truth of this quote, and I can only hope that it applies to you as well. If life were easy, what's the point of the adventure? Try to enjoy the journey and focus on what you deeply want with almost binary thinking. Don't take no as an answer to what you truly want in life. Nobody has the right or the position to tell you no except yourself, but if you want it why would you say no?
 
I'd like to say my piece on the new thread title if we have one.

I think Mental Health GAF OT or Mental Health OT might be a better title; simply for the reason that depression is specific enough that it might make people with other issues not speak up.

Though I am still somewhat torn here because I also think if Depression OT is broadened to Mental Health it will be harder for the Depression GAF community to offer good advice to people with different/more advanced mental health issues if they seek it since the community obviously specializes in depression.

-just my 2 ¢
 
cam said:
I'd like to say my piece on the new thread title if we have one.

I think Mental Health GAF OT or Mental Health OT might be a better title; simply for the reason that depression is specific enough that it might make people with other issues not speak up.

Though I am still somewhat torn here because I also think if Depression OT is broadened to Mental Health it will be harder for the Depression GAF community to offer good advice to people with different/more advanced mental health issues if they seek it since the community obviously specializes in depression.

-just my 2 ¢
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Mental health is fine.. mental illness is way too stigmatic. People will be afraid to post in here and be embarrassed in front of their GAF friends.
 
cam said:
I'd like to say my piece on the new thread title if we have one.

I think Mental Health GAF OT or Mental Health OT might be a better title; simply for the reason that depression is specific enough that it might make people with other issues not speak up.

Though I am still somewhat torn here because I also think if Depression OT is broadened to Mental Health it will be harder for the Depression GAF community to offer good advice to people with different/more advanced mental health issues if they seek it since the community obviously specializes in depression.

-just my 2 ¢
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I can understand your concerns...I don't have much to add since I'm not sure myself. We were based on depression at first, even though we help other mental health issues currently...Yeah it is important to consider the title...
 
Something positive i guess. went to the gym this morning and actually found a hundred dollar bill. still fat though.
 
Can any of you help me out here? I'm about to Google it, but is hypnosis-based therapy legitimate? I was assigned to a social worker through a hospital and upon meeting him I found out this is his shtick. Rocks the Yin-Yang symbol on his pamphlet and my gut reaction is not so good.
 
This is what I keep spending my salary on:
ugy2GZO.jpg
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You could say that I waste my money on empty things to fill a void that I feel inside, and you may be right...

Or maybe I have nothing else to do with it, I don't know. Living with my parents and rarely going out isn't too expensive :/
 
RionaaM said:
This is what I keep spending my salary on:

You could say that I waste my money on empty things to fill a void that I feel inside, and you may be right...

Or maybe I have nothing else to do with it, I don't know. Living with my parents and rarely going out isn't too expensive :/
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Funnily enough, I'd spend most of my money on things like books, comics, video games (collectors editions that I'd never even play, but thought would be worth money someday), cd's, etc. I've been feeling better lately and slowly building up my life, trying to fill it with positive, meaningful actions instead of "things". I've actually been going out of my way to sell off or donate any of my posessions that don't have huge sentimental value or are used regularly; it's been almost cathartic.

It makes me feel like I'm letting go of the weight of my past and freeing myself up to make choices towards a better present and future. Some of my old things made me feel tied down to a way of thinking or certain philosphy: to stick with the same kind of choices because I "already had something similar" and it was "what I liked, who I was". It's like getting a chance to turn a new leaf and change, for the better, my tastes and what I surround myself with. People don't tell you how much little things like this can effect you growing up, for better, worse, or something in-between.
 
cam said:
Funnily enough, I'd spend most of my money on things like books, comics, video games (collectors editions that I'd never even play, but thought would be worth money someday), cd's, etc. I've been feeling better lately and slowly building up my life, trying to fill it with positive, meaningful actions instead of "things". I've actually been going out of my way to sell off or donate any of my posessions that don't have huge sentimental value or are used regularly; it's been almost cathartic.

It makes me feel like I'm letting go of the weight of my past and freeing myself up to make choices towards a better present and future. Some of my old things made me feel tied down to a way of thinking or certain philosphy: to stick with the same kind of choices because I "already had something similar" and it was "what I liked, who I was". It's like getting a chance to turn a new leaf and change, for the better, my tastes and what I surround myself with. People don't tell you how much little things like this can effect you growing up, for better, worse, or something in-between.
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But I don't want to get rid of my stuff. I want to change my life without having to sell my possessions, isn't there another way?

Besides, without music I have nothing, except games I'll never play (like you said) and books I'll never read. It really feels like an empty shell.
 
RionaaM said:
But I don't want to get rid of my stuff. I want to change my life without having to sell my possessions, isn't there another way?

Besides, without music I have nothing, except games I'll never play (like you said) and books I'll never read. It really feels like an empty shell.
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Hey, if you don't want to, don't! I was just saying it's something I've slowly come to want to do. I still have stuff, I'm just choosy about what I keep and what I bring into my life now.
 
One of the worst things about depression is the fact that I feel like I'm trapped in a void. I don't feel like anything I do accomplishes anything and it's so hard to stay focused and motivated.

Like before I'd do homework and get a good grade and be like "Yeah. Great!"

But now it's just like "Did I really do anything?"
 
What's the point to live if life pretty much wants you to fail? I'm probably never going to marry own a house or car or having anything worthwhile. Heck I probably never date. Why do I even go to therapy when I know all of this.
 
daripad said:
If life wanted you dead it would already kill you. It hasn't and you still have many things to do before dying.
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I have nothing left to do.

Who would want to date me? I'm depressive fat old short ugly and horrible. Why didn't I die when I was in high school. I wish I could go back in time and kill my younger self. What's the point of being positive when life will just shit on you. People say things like things will get better or you will meet someone but that never happens. They say crap like that to be nice. I'd be better off if someone stabbed me to death than say things will get better
 
RionaaM said:
This is what I keep spending my salary on:

You could say that I waste my money on empty things to fill a void that I feel inside, and you may be right...

Or maybe I have nothing else to do with it, I don't know. Living with my parents and rarely going out isn't too expensive :/
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It's only a waste if you don't want it. Spend your money on what you want, avoid the fluff. For me, my only expenses are just video games, and I've honestly bought less. I have enough unfinished games as is. Let me work on those before I get more!

Mort said:
One of the worst things about depression is the fact that I feel like I'm trapped in a void. I don't feel like anything I do accomplishes anything and it's so hard to stay focused and motivated.

Like before I'd do homework and get a good grade and be like "Yeah. Great!"

But now it's just like "Did I really do anything?"
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Yeah, this gets to me to, but in a different way. I'm able to do the work, get good grades, but then it just hits me that I didn't even try and I did well enough. Either the work my way is easy or I am a sponge for types of information and it just clicks for me. Regardless, it leads to the praise I get to feel devoid of truth and meaning. "Good job" doesn't mean shit when I barely try.

neojubei said:
I have nothing left to do.
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Good sir, this cannot be true. There is so much to do in this world that it takes many lifetimes to do it all, and I doubt that you've been reincarnated (if that happens) so many times that you've done it all. Find something, anything.
 
neojubei said:
What's the point to live if life pretty much wants you dead?
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Life isn't a singular entity with an opinion or agenda, which can be both good and bad. Life doesn't want you dead. I can promise that people - at least all of the people here - don't want you dead. You might want you dead, which can be very, very difficult to deal with. But at least you can limit your work to just one individual, and it's the one you happen to know better than anyone else.

neojubei said:
What's the point to live if life pretty much wants you to fail? I'm probably never going to marry own a house or car or having anything worthwhile. Heck I probably never date. Why do I even go to therapy when I know all of this.
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You don't know it. Life is everchanging chaos. Again, that can be both good and bad. It's impossible to extrapolate a lifetime worth of experiences and third party opinions. It's double impossible when you're caught in the deep fog of depression. You're trapped and you can't see what's beyond the swamp. I know it really, really fucking sucks to wander constantly not knowing when the fog will clear even just a bit, not knowing if you're making any progress. Therapy and medication, in this analogy, are your compass. They won't take you out of the fog but can give you enough to where you can eventually navigate out.

Keep going, neojubei. Congrats on the $100 bill...that's awesome.

I'm finally leaving my job later this week so I'm going to (hopefully) get more involved again. It's been putting me under a stupid amount of stress. I went from vaguely enjoying it to it becoming a huge source of anxiety and unhappiness quite rapidly. I guess working a job where you turn off your brain will get you to sooner or later.

As if to add a comically sad exclamation point onto the whole thing, I pulled the tendon in my pinky finger at work last week. Had to go to the doctor, get x-rays, and now wear medical tape for two weeks (typing is interesting with a gimped hand). What a lame injury. So dumb.
 
Piano said:
Life isn't a singular entity with an opinion or agenda, which can be both good and bad. Life doesn't want you dead. I can promise that people - at least all of the people here - don't want you dead. You might want you dead, which can be very, very difficult to deal with. But at least you can limit your work to just one individual, and it's the one you happen to know better than anyone else.



You don't know it. Life is everchanging chaos. Again, that can be both good and bad. It's impossible to extrapolate a lifetime worth of experiences and third party opinions. It's double impossible when you're caught in the deep fog of depression. You're trapped and you can't see what's beyond the swamp. I know it really, really fucking sucks to wander constantly not knowing when the fog will clear even just a bit, not knowing if you're making any progress. Therapy and medication, in this analogy, are your compass. They won't take you out of the fog but can give you enough to where you can eventually navigate out.

Keep going, neojubei. Congrats on the $100 bill...that's awesome.

I'm finally leaving my job later this week so I'm going to (hopefully) get more involved again. It's been putting me under a stupid amount of stress. I went from vaguely enjoying it to it becoming a huge source of anxiety and unhappiness quite rapidly. I guess working a job where you turn off your brain will get you to sooner or later.

As if to add a comically sad exclamation point onto the whole thing, I pulled the tendon in my pinky finger at work last week. Had to go to the doctor, get x-rays, and now wear medical tape for two weeks (typing is interesting with a gimped hand). What a lame injury. So dumb.
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Hope I'm not causing you to strain your hand by asking this, but what job did you have? Assuming by what you described, I have to assume it's retail, isn't it?
 
neojubei said:
I have nothing left to do.

Who would want to date me? I'm depressive fat old short ugly and horrible. Why didn't I die when I was in high school. I wish I could go back in time and kill my younger self. What's the point of being positive when life will just shit on you. People say things like things will get better or you will meet someone but that never happens. They say crap like that to be nice. I'd be better off if someone stabbed me to death than say things will get better
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Life is not just dating and hooking up with guys to feel happy. There are tons of things that you can do in order to feel satisfied with yourself. Be an activist, do some charity, I don't know. If you really feel wasted then help others avoiding what has happened to you. Think about it.
 
Foffy said:
Hope I'm not causing you to strain your hand by asking this, but what job did you have? Assuming by what you described, I have to assume it's retail, isn't it?
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Yep. I'm a supervisor at a grocery store. I pulled my hand bagging groceries. I've avoided filing any sort of work claim because I just don't want to deal with being any more involved with work than I have to be.
 
daripad said:
Life is not just dating and hooking up with guys to feel happy. There are tons of things that you can do in order to feel satisfied with yourself. Be an activist, do some charity, I don't know. If you really feel wasted then help others avoiding what has happened to you. Think about it.
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Why should I suffer living in this body when I don not want it.

Wish I could lite my room on fire and burn with the rest of my stuff. Unfortunately I live in a condo so that would affect other people.

If someone wants to die let them die. Maybe they were never meant to be born but forced in a life they don't want
 
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