Is there ever a romantic way to request oral?

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worldrevolution said:
Actually it's what you're saying that I think doesn't pertain at all to op's situation, especially if you really read his posts. But, we can disagree on it. I have no reason or want to project, though I always think it's cute when people accuse others of it on here, especially under the guise of anonymity. For all you know I've never even been married. =P
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There's losing intimacy and there's the fact that after 9 years your wife is offended by being propositioned for a beej.
 
Fudgepuppy said:
Eh, if you've been married for 9 years, you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells...
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I've only had a six year relationship, but jeez, you get really used to someone sexually and the bordom doesn't help mutual self esteem issues.

Orrrrrrrrrrrrr that contributed to my breakup.

OP, nine years in and no oral, that's kind of rough but her sexual boundaries might be stronger than your desire for it. You could always phrase the conversation of what specific sexual activities you are both comfortable with, with no idea out of question for consideration.

This type of conversation comes up very often on Dan Savage's relationship podcast, and the path that "sexual unfulfillment" ends is a pretty depressing one.
 
meltingparappa said:
I've only had a six year relationship, but jeez, you get really used to someone sexually and the bordom doesn't help mutual self esteem issues.

Orrrrrrrrrrrrr that contributed to my breakup.

OP, nine years in and no oral, that's kind of rough but her sexual boundaries might be stronger than your desire for it. You could always phrase the conversation of what specific sexual activities you are both comfortable with, with no idea out of question for consideration.

This type of conversation comes up very often on Dan Savage's relationship podcast, and the path that "sexual unfulfillment" ends is a pretty depressing one.
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Thanks for your post. I think you really hit the nail on the head regarding her boundaries being stronger than my desire. That really makes a ton of sense in our situation. I'll have to check out the podcast you mentioned, and again thanks for your post, it really helped.
 
Sorian said:
After nine years, you should be walking on sunshine.
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EleventhDoctor said:
In all seriousness dude, fuck off.
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nobody is the perfect husband. nobody. you might imagine yourself as this swell, wonderful guy and hell you might be. but you can never read minds, you don't know what the woman considers perfect. so in all seriousness, i'm not fucking off. it's not a one way fucking problem of "oh my wife won't suck my dick how do i make her do it". there are underlying issues
 
EleventhDoctor said:
Thanks for your post. I think you really hit the nail on the head regarding her boundaries being stronger than my desire. That really makes a ton of sense in our situation. I'll have to check out the podcast you mentioned, and again thanks for your post, it really helped.
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Do you think she empathizes with what's happening when she rejects you? Or do you think she just imagines she's smacking your hand away from the cookie jar?


dev: I guess we could have saved 5 pages.

I mean..that first post..good lord.

11thDoc, I hope you figure this out. You might have to let go on the BJ desire thing though and...you know. Don't give up, but maybe it's not as important as other things.
 
JB1981 said:
Why the FUCK would she be offended by you asking for head? She married you. She should want to suck your dick
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This. So fucking this. What is wrong with some people? Who else is supposed to be doing it if she won't.


And this long term shit is bullshit too. My partner and I have even together 16 years and fuck like bunnies.
 
Nekofrog said:
nobody is the perfect husband. nobody. you might imagine yourself as this swell, wonderful guy and hell you might be. but you can never read minds, you don't know what the woman considers perfect. so in all seriousness, i'm not fucking off. it's not a one way fucking problem of "oh my wife won't suck my dick how do i make her do it". there are underlying issues
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I appreciate this response more. Sorry for overreacting. You're right-no one's perfect, but your initial response of "I doubt it" rubbed me the wrong way.
 
Start using the word "Suck", "blow", and "head" more often

"Hey, I'm heading out"
"Let's head... out"
"I'm the lead head on this new project"
"That sure sucked"
"What a sucker"
"Lemon is my favourite sucker flavour"
"Suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked"
"That girl is a succubus"
"Give me that blow..dryer"
"I feel like I'm going to blow up"
"Ever try a blowhorn?"
"You are going down at Scrabble tonight!"
"Wanna go downtown?"
"Are you feeling down?"
"Give me a blowjob, goddammit"

She will subconsciously get it in her head, she'll dream about it in her dreams, and one day she'll be like, "Hey, I should go down on my husband"
 
akira28 said:
Do you think she empathizes with what's happening when she rejects you? Or do you think she just imagines she's smacking your hand away from the cookie jar?
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Most likely the latter. We talk about it later and it's not a point of anger-just like she didn't think it was a big deal. Again I think the suggestion above about the boundaries is spot on a d a great way to broach this topic with her.
 
Sorry if you answered already, but have you tried just...forgetting about getting oral? I mean maybe she just really, really doesn't want to do them anymore for whatever reasons, and gets angry at you pressuring her (loosely speaking, obv) for them. I mean you said your sex life was pretty good overall, she just has a specific hangup about giving oral. You can't just let it go?

edit: read the other thread. Guess there are other issues.
 
EleventhDoctor said:
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahh


Maybe that works in Romantic Movie Land, but not in the real world.
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Been with my wife for almost 30 years now (high school sweethearts). Unlike you, we communicate about our sex lives. It's never been a problem asking her to go down on me and it happens regualrly. Although you'd prefer to believe the problem is us, you in fact are weaksauce and haven't learned to talk openly and frankly with your wife about sex. And that's coming from the "real world."
 
akira28 said:
Do you think she empathizes with what's happening when she rejects you? Or do you think she just imagines she's smacking your hand away from the cookie jar?


dev: I guess we could have saved 5 pages.

I mean..that first post..good lord.

11thDoc, I hope you figure this out. You might have to let go on the BJ desire thing though and...you know. Don't give up, but maybe it's not as important as other things.
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Would have put into context a lot of the problems including sex drive and walking on eggshells.
 
After twelve years together with a two year old child in our family picture. We still get stuff done if you knowwhatImean.

Work on your communication. Especially those that fall for the old thing of 'herp derp 9 years together'.
 
worldrevolution said:
Actually it's what you're saying that I think doesn't pertain at all to op's situation, especially if you really read his posts. But, we can disagree on it. I have no reason or want to project, though I always think it's cute when people accuse others of it on here, especially under the guise of anonymity. For all you know I've never even been married. =P
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I say you're projecting, because you came into the thread with the post that people wouldn't understand OP's problems of marriage (his wife being offended by a blowjob) because they are uninitiated, and you left it at that. Later, you spoke about how this is the way for some married people, and you told devolution that she might get it one day when shes older. I'm not making things up just to say them. Op dodged the communication posts(edit finally responded), and even ignored a really good post because the guy was married for only a year.

I'm pointing out to you that communication is Op's problem, as I understood it, as people can relate to OP's predicament. What I'm saying, that he needs to begin resolving why she is offended by him speaking to her about intimacy, is the only solution. You can't just say my posts have nothing to do with op's situation when hes going to continue therapy, as communication was the problem.

You wanted to lump this under Marriage: IT HAPPENS! Unmarried Gaf wont get it, hur. But, their communication is the problem.
 
Some people's sex drive goes down as they age, there's not really much you can do about it.
Sure, she could give you pity blowjobs, but do you really want something from another person if she's not really into it?

Or:
ibgntoaXN5U2fw.gif
 
EleventhDoctor said:
But if my wife is telling me to trust her that nothing is wrong, then yes I feel therapy and counseling could be needed. That being said-I think my situation is a lot more common than you're making it out to be-and sometimes there's no hidden reason, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, if you'll pardon the pun.
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How often does she tell you to "trust her" without you bringing up any potential trust issues beforehand?

$20 says she's cheating on you.
 
Izayoi said:
How often does she tell you to "trust her" without you bringing up any potential trust issues beforehand?

$20 says she's cheating on you.
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Maybe he's got a warty cock or something, and she doesn't want to hurt his feelings.
 
Buy a Fleshlight and name it something VERY similar to her name-- ie if her name is Jane, name the Fleshlight June. Next time she won't give you head, pull out June and go to town. Be sure to refer to it by its name.

You're welcome.
 
SquiddyCracker said:
Some people's sex drive goes down as they age, there's not really much you can do about it.
Sure, she could give you pity blowjobs, but do you really want something from another person if she's not really into it?
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Squiddy is right as usual. She's just old!
 
Mercury Fred said:
Buy a Fleshlight and name it something VERY similar to her name-- ie if her name is Jane, name the Fleshlight June. Next time she won't give you head, pull out June and go to town. Be sure to refer to it by its name.

You're welcome.
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Hahahaha. Even better if it's a still-boxed onahole with a cute girl on the cover.
 
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