Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
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AFollowerNotALeader
Member
I made a massive OCD step forward tonight: I bought something online, through a browser (I.e not Live etc. or with a prepay card or something), on a "normal" PC that I haven't kept deliberately fenced off software-wise from everything. I've never ever done this (the only other time I've bought something like this was on a "secure" Mac in 2005 and I had panic attacks for weeks).
I've not had a panic attack. I'm OK.
I've not had a panic attack. I'm OK.
StanleyStutters
Member
I look at this and just seeing a wake up time is incredibly overwhelming. I wake up from 11 to 3 on any given day. I spend so much time sleeping and so much time tired that this metric thing is scary.
Same here. My sleep schedule has been completely out of whack for the last couple of months. I fell asleep last night at 8pm, woke up at midnight, went back to sleep at 4am, and spent most of today sleeping.
I look at this and just seeing a wake up time is incredibly overwhelming. I wake up from 11 to 3 on any given day. I spend so much time sleeping and so much time tired that this metric thing is scary.
It is scary! It's a huge change for me, but it really is very therapeutic. I had a really nice weekend in part because I actually got up on Saturday and had a few activities on the schedule. I stayed up way too late, slept away a huge chunk of Sunday and took a long time to get going again. The contrast between how I felt on the two days is pretty dramatic.
Therapy is still amazing. I have a full week, all day, every day, of this stuff. I'm already exhausted, despite getting some really good sleep. It's both physically and mentally exhausting - the days are long and there is just a lot to think about. I'll try to put together a few more posts about what the therapy involves this week. For tonight, I'm seeing an early bed time.
Mine's been like shit for a few years now. I think. I can't remember anymore really.
I can wake up early if i have a reason to... Rarely have.
Congratz man! Baby steps. Or huge steps, if that counts.
StanleyStutters
Member
That's pretty much what I'm dealing with now. I can get up early when I have to, but since I've had nothing to do over winter break, I just sleep. I scheduled only early classes for this semester, so I'll have to get up early on a regular basis starting next week. I'm hoping this helps me get my sleep back on track.
As far as I know, any animal can be a "therapy animal". To have some legitimate paperwork for it, you can go to St. John's Ambulance and possible have your animal put through some training/get paperwork to certify it. A therapy animal is MUCH different from a SERVICE animal though. Service animals are selecterd and trained as puppies very carefully and it costs thousands of dollars to breed and train one correctly for an individual in need. Therapy animals are mostly for emotional support/anxiety and are not as regulated or don't need any specific training as far as I know.
Right on! *thumbs up*
Interesting, I used to be paranoid about getting hacked quite a bit. Of course, I ran a website where people actually threatened to hack it, so it wasn't out of the realm of possibility. However, the possibilities of a hacker targeting some unknown, random dude on the Internet are slim to none, and if you have 2-step authentication on Gmail, Battle.net, banks, etc. and write down your passwords on paper and keep them in a vault along with all the necessary information to retrieve your account should it ever be hacked, you have no reason to worry.
My Battle.net account was hacked but it ended up being no big deal. I called Blizzard and they fixed it in a couple days, plus the hacker leveled up my mining skill to max!
So, don't worry about it. The worst possible outcome is you are inconvenienced for a couple days. I realize this is more about your mental health then a rational fear, but you have to confront your fears to ever get over it. A good rule is to prepare for the worst possible outcome and then go, "Well, I'm ready so time to move on."
I thought this was a really nice TED talk on depression. Not sure if anyone's posted it in the thread since it was released last month, but it's full of a lot of good stories and perspectives if you have half-an-hour to spare.
Andrew Solomon: Depression, the secret we share
Andrew Solomon: Depression, the secret we share
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
Thanks for sharin' that, it was certainly interesting. There's definitely people (tons maybe) who can't differentiate grief from long-term depression.
After getting past the initial stage of constant, crippling depression, relapse is the worst. Can never tell when it will come, for how long, and how intense. You can chalk improvements in mood down to pills, therapy, and changed habits, but how can one know for sure.
Cameron122
Member
thank you for this
AFollowerNotALeader
Member
I think it's interesting the way that (in me at least) the fear is pretty divorced from the logical part of my brain. One of the things we talked about in CBT was how for me, there are definitely two types of thought processes when I think about risk (I short-hand them as two different "me"s but please don't imagine that this means I think I have some sort of multiple personality disorder!). There's rational me, who can look at the risk coldly and dispassionately and realise that there's very little risk. But this version of me is shouted down frequently by the emotional version of me, which focuses on the worst possible negative outcomes (in this case something like getting my details stolen, used for something illegal, ending up in jail and so on) and is incapable of dealing with the concept of each of those things being an incredibly remote possibility. The emotional version is irrational but it's very very loud (because it deals with strong emotions like fear (or in another context rage)). I am an eternal struggle between these two thought patterns.
I can touch something dirty, and logical me knows I'm unlikely to die of some rare, flesh eating bacteria. Logical me on the other hand starts gibbering with fear, triggering panic attacks until the rituals (in this case washing my hands) have been carried out. (If I were to be really nasty, logical me is somewhat amused that this primitive part of my brain is placated by irrational rituals - the caveman lives in me and he's a moron!)
So the process of dealing with this is to build up evidence that logical me can use to drown out the emotional me whenever one of the triggers happens, hence, getting to the stage where I can shop online like a normal person has been a process of building up over a couple of years less risky similar activities until I got to this stage.
Thank you. Even though I've been feeling better lately (which in itself feels weird sometimes), it hit home quite a few times, a lot of tears were shed. I always find it very impressive when people can put words to depression the way he did.
Omegasquash
Member
There are support groups out there that can help with that (not AA, though I wouldn't eliminate it as an option). A big step for me was to make myself get in bed earlier and play a game or read a book or watch TV. Just something to distance me from the alcohol and put me in an area that I associate with rest.
Velcro Fly
Member
I've blamed myself for the many things in my life that are horrible. I've always thought things were my fault even though at times I knew blaming myself for things was just something I did and it wasn't necessarily true. I blamed myself for the way my sister treats my parents. It genuinely makes me feel bad for them the way she acts. I blamed myself for having a medical issue that while non life threatening, has pretty much ruled out any chance I'd have of having children of my own. It's a pretty devastating thing to realize in your early 20s that you've been dealt that hand.
I've been thinking a lot about my life and where it's going and I realized that none of that stuff is my fault. There's nothing I can do about how my sister acts. I can't change that. I can't change what's wrong with my body to allow me to have children of my own.
I used to think that I was the worst person in the world because I always blamed myself for things. I thought if I could just be better that things would turn around. But knowing now that the things in my life maybe aren't my fault hurts worse. I think knowing that there isn't anything I could have done hurts worse than holding out some hope that I could turn things around.
It's my birthday on Saturday and I'm pretty confident that no one in my family cares. They are more worried about my worthless sister not getting evicted. I talked to my mom today and asked her about everyone's work schedules so we could get together as a family and she looked at me like she had no idea why I was asking her about this. I think I'm just going to blow them off on Saturday and do something else. It's sad but my town on Animal Crossing is probably going to be my birthday celebration this year.
I've been thinking a lot about my life and where it's going and I realized that none of that stuff is my fault. There's nothing I can do about how my sister acts. I can't change that. I can't change what's wrong with my body to allow me to have children of my own.
I used to think that I was the worst person in the world because I always blamed myself for things. I thought if I could just be better that things would turn around. But knowing now that the things in my life maybe aren't my fault hurts worse. I think knowing that there isn't anything I could have done hurts worse than holding out some hope that I could turn things around.
It's my birthday on Saturday and I'm pretty confident that no one in my family cares. They are more worried about my worthless sister not getting evicted. I talked to my mom today and asked her about everyone's work schedules so we could get together as a family and she looked at me like she had no idea why I was asking her about this. I think I'm just going to blow them off on Saturday and do something else. It's sad but my town on Animal Crossing is probably going to be my birthday celebration this year.
Freeza Under The Shower
Member
neat.
Collete
Member
Hey guys been awhile.
Been trying to focus mostly on my work (my novel) and preparing for graduation this semester...so there's not a lot of time for me to hang around MH GAF or any GAF in general.
But in any case, keep fighting guys...I don't have a lot of things to say other than that, but Stephen Fry might help:
Edit: Response to the quote, sometimes it is essential to ask why. But if you know the person who's depressed for awhile and they don't give a straight forward answer, sometimes they are just depressed...just because they have depression and sometimes for no reason.
Been trying to focus mostly on my work (my novel) and preparing for graduation this semester...so there's not a lot of time for me to hang around MH GAF or any GAF in general.
Those of you who watch me on Steam doing Skyrim...Hush! <_< >_>
Edit: Response to the quote, sometimes it is essential to ask why. But if you know the person who's depressed for awhile and they don't give a straight forward answer, sometimes they are just depressed...just because they have depression and sometimes for no reason.
shanshan310
Member
Going to see a therapist for the first time today. I'm pretty nervous.
If my recent experiences have told me anything, it'll go okay. Won't be anything mind-blowing, but it's worth it if only for having a "routine".
ThoseDeafMutes
Member
How I'm currently feeling summed up in a gif.
Anything you feel like sharing?
Not that interesting a story.
I was supposed to hang out with my roommate and her friend (and other people who I don't know) tonight to celebrate someone's birthday.
So my IBS decides to flare up like a motherfucker, which in turn gives me a huge anxiety attack.
So I can't mentally or physically deal with public transit (and no washroom) for more than an hour and had to cancel.
Now I'm lying in bed feeling like shit. (pun intended)
.ThoseDeafMutes
Member
Sorry to hear. I remember getting struck down by a migraine and vomiting on my friend's birthday once. Just sat in a dark room for six hours while everybody else was having fun.
wsoxfan1214
Banned
You'll be fine! Let us know how it goes!
Cameron122
Member
Told myself I wouldn't bother with dating round about a year ago because depression
Beautiful girl likes me a lot
Lives the city away
ughh
Beautiful girl likes me a lot
Lives the city away
ughh
I don't usually want to open up about it to anyone. But I figure since I'm new here and don't know anyone it might be easier. I find it impossible talk to anyone I know in person and I'm to scared to seek any kind of medical help. I literally don't know how to deal with it. I go through bouts of feeling content (recently anyway) and other times of feeling hopelessness, lack of motivation and sometimes suicidal thoughts (they are just thoughts though, I have never actually self-harmed). I've been going through these circles for years now (I'm 24) and usually I manage to suppress these feelings and get on with it. Also recently my sleeping pattern has also been going crazy lately with a period where I slept for 19 hours in one day.
I'm in university and have an exam in a few hours. I can't even face the thought of going in and dealing with it. I'm to scared to e-mail and attempt to explain the situation. I don't want this thing to fuck my future up but I feel incapable of changing myself, seeking help or dealing with it.
All the horror stories you hear of doctors ignoring you and stuff don't fill me with confidence with one of my main fears being how others (friends/family/etc) perceive me or not caring/think I'm just talking bullshit. Another factor is that my dad is suffers from manic depression and told me (years ago) that I shouldn't seek help as it has never helped him in anyway. That advice has kind of endured in my mind.
I don't want to go on having these brutal periods of depression but I don't know how to break the cycle. I usually just try and deal with it/endure it enough until it goes away for a while. But now it's starting to feel like it can have actual affects on my life and future.
I'm in university and have an exam in a few hours. I can't even face the thought of going in and dealing with it. I'm to scared to e-mail and attempt to explain the situation. I don't want this thing to fuck my future up but I feel incapable of changing myself, seeking help or dealing with it.
All the horror stories you hear of doctors ignoring you and stuff don't fill me with confidence with one of my main fears being how others (friends/family/etc) perceive me or not caring/think I'm just talking bullshit. Another factor is that my dad is suffers from manic depression and told me (years ago) that I shouldn't seek help as it has never helped him in anyway. That advice has kind of endured in my mind.
I don't want to go on having these brutal periods of depression but I don't know how to break the cycle. I usually just try and deal with it/endure it enough until it goes away for a while. But now it's starting to feel like it can have actual affects on my life and future.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Visit your university's counseling center. They take their jobs seriously.
I decided to try that "if you maintain a happy and optimistic outlook then things work out" thing that people keep trying to push, and I'm not exactly sure how I'm fairing with it. As soon as I started trying it, things got gradually worse, and the more I tried to ignore the negatives, the larger they became. It's starting to make this all seem fairly hopeless.
Polydeuces
Member
I feel the same. You just have to find those little positive things and the negatives don't seem that overwhelming.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
The Happiness Trap:
First couple of chapters of the book are free (pdf)
http://www.thehappinesstrap.com/upimages/Introduction_to_the_Happiness_Trap.pdf
I have a friend that I've known for about seven years now. We've been in some pretty long standoff-type fights where we just don't talk, always initiated by her. She'll just stop contacting me for weeks, sometime months, and I never get a good reason why. This last time, she got in touch with me and apologized for having done that. Apparently she'd made some other girl she knows mad enough, to the point that this other girl completely blocked her online and purposely ignored her and wouldn't talk to her at all. So I guess she got a taste of it and didn't like how it felt, so she apologized and we hung out a little. But the last time I saw her, we sat down to watch a movie and she played on her phone almost the entire back half of the movie. So if you're not going to watch the movie and focus solely on whoever you're texting, why am I there? I let the movie finish and excused myself, even though we'd normally watch at least two movies. I thought it was just kind of rude and didn't want to fight about it so close to when we just got done fighting. But now I'm wondering if she was actually sorry for having shut me out, or if she said that to somehow make herself feel less bad about making the other girl mad at her. It's frustrating because I will bend over backwards to help my friends, but most times they act like this and I'm not actually sure why I still want to try.
So I'm leaving it alone. I haven't gotten in touch with her since then, and I've been busy doing things like getting a new car and buying my first bed in almost ten years. 2014 has been pretty okay so far, but that day didn't start the year off too hot. I really hope she comes around, because good times are so much fun. But I'm not going to be sitting around waiting any more, I don't think.
So I'm leaving it alone. I haven't gotten in touch with her since then, and I've been busy doing things like getting a new car and buying my first bed in almost ten years. 2014 has been pretty okay so far, but that day didn't start the year off too hot. I really hope she comes around, because good times are so much fun. But I'm not going to be sitting around waiting any more, I don't think.
Sounds like your dad is expressing confirmation bias. If it can't work for him, it can't work for anyone. Every option of support wont always work for everyone, and in the case of therapists, it can just be a case of that person not being suitable for you, opposed to the actual therapy itself.
Since you're still in university, I would echo what Classy said and look into what counselling options are available to you. It is free for students to access here in the UK, and I believe it is the same for the US as well. It sounds like you could really be doing with a routine outlet to help you get through this stuff, because bottling it all up does no one any good. Best of luck.
This sounds fairly interesting. After the trying to happy thing failed everything kind of went back to being meh.
Also watch the TED talk posted above if you have time, it's excellent. A researcher basically talks about his own struggle with depression and the findings of his research - that people that acknowledge that they have depression/anxiety and try to come to terms with that fact fare better than people that try and hide/deny it.
xenorevlis
Member
Hey everyone. I wish I had the courage / confidence prior to now to post in here, but I'm someone who has a long history in dealing with depression, found out I was bipolar type 2 about 3 years ago (after having an episode and then admitting myself to 72 hour hold) and I've dabbled in extroversion but really the majority of my life to this point has been rather introverted. I wish I could have posted here any time before now so my own progress would be more evident just in my posting, but I've recently switched to a form of medication that I did at the same time as my grandfather, who was essentially on his death bed, and the results have been what some might call a "miracle" but really, it's just science (and nature).
I'm not sure what the specific rules are on GAF about cannabis discussion, but I'm here to say that after a couple years of being aware of the medication I take, even with mounting evidence both online and among my friend, my skepticism ran deep until I came to a cross-roads where either we accepted that my grandfather's doctor(s) were right and he was just old, or find something else to help him feel better without potentially fatal side effects.
Today I have consistent moods, no anxiety attacks, stress never controls me, I'm losing weight, my confidence / courage is at an all time high, and a slew of other "side effects" that I was not expecting, all of which have been beneficial. Having been in severe depression many times over my life, I probably wouldn't believe these statements even if I myself had traveled back in time and told myself this, but...
I'd like to share my story and that of many others in the future. I hope I can at least give something back to the community of people on here and pass on the love that others showed me, even when I could not understand why they cared or that they even did care. I am no longer on abilify, lithium, depakote, or anything like that and just a few weeks after getting off those I was no longer stuck in zombie-mentality (unable to express self properly).
I had told my grandfather, when he was sick in bed, about a potential medicine - a cannabis oil extracted from raw hemp (not the cannabis people smoke) and we ended up getting our medical recommendations a day later and finding him the hemp oil (or hope oil / full extraction cannabis oil). The way the medicine works, and the reason it can help people become essentially cancer free, seizure free, anxiety free, etc. is because the medicine works to heal and fuel your immune system - the part of our bodies that normally regulate and takes care of us (mentally and physically, as both are intertwined).
If anyone is interested in hearing more, I do not mind if you PM me or simply ask here. It's been a long time since I felt this good, probably since I was a little kid, and most of my abilities are not coming from any magical high or anything. In fact, I don't even get high often at all (maybe once or twice a week) but the cbd/thc concentrate I take has allowed me to think for myself without taking a negative direction immediately and this has been monumental in helping me be able to help myself be happier.
I'm not sure what the specific rules are on GAF about cannabis discussion, but I'm here to say that after a couple years of being aware of the medication I take, even with mounting evidence both online and among my friend, my skepticism ran deep until I came to a cross-roads where either we accepted that my grandfather's doctor(s) were right and he was just old, or find something else to help him feel better without potentially fatal side effects.
Today I have consistent moods, no anxiety attacks, stress never controls me, I'm losing weight, my confidence / courage is at an all time high, and a slew of other "side effects" that I was not expecting, all of which have been beneficial. Having been in severe depression many times over my life, I probably wouldn't believe these statements even if I myself had traveled back in time and told myself this, but...
I'd like to share my story and that of many others in the future. I hope I can at least give something back to the community of people on here and pass on the love that others showed me, even when I could not understand why they cared or that they even did care. I am no longer on abilify, lithium, depakote, or anything like that and just a few weeks after getting off those I was no longer stuck in zombie-mentality (unable to express self properly).
I had told my grandfather, when he was sick in bed, about a potential medicine - a cannabis oil extracted from raw hemp (not the cannabis people smoke) and we ended up getting our medical recommendations a day later and finding him the hemp oil (or hope oil / full extraction cannabis oil). The way the medicine works, and the reason it can help people become essentially cancer free, seizure free, anxiety free, etc. is because the medicine works to heal and fuel your immune system - the part of our bodies that normally regulate and takes care of us (mentally and physically, as both are intertwined).
If anyone is interested in hearing more, I do not mind if you PM me or simply ask here. It's been a long time since I felt this good, probably since I was a little kid, and most of my abilities are not coming from any magical high or anything. In fact, I don't even get high often at all (maybe once or twice a week) but the cbd/thc concentrate I take has allowed me to think for myself without taking a negative direction immediately and this has been monumental in helping me be able to help myself be happier.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Oh boy....
xenorevlis
Member
I know, it's a lot of words, but I figured I needed to start somewhere. Like I said, had I not been so anxious to even admit to my mental illness and health issues, I would have participated in this thread half a year ago.
I'm not trying to say that what I'm taking is a cure-all or magic. In fact, I don't believe it will work for everyone as the problems we face are generally very specific to each of us. I also don't recommend smoking unless you're familiar with it, but that won't do much to help you unless you're already in the right mindset about it and even then, it's like taking tylenol or drinking to ignore your problems, only without damaging your liver.
For reference, I've only recently (as in, yesterday) come out to my friends over facebook about my illness and choice of medication. I even included a photo of what I use in the post which can be seen here.
Robotziane
Neo Member
Having a bad night with my ocd issues tonight. I feel like they are killing me. I can't even watch the TV without my brain starting to think there is something wrong with it. I can't cope with this shit, I don't want to contend with this for the rest of my life but I don't know how to just let things be.
Has anyone dealt with similar issues, offer any advice. I feel so desperate at the minute.
I am seeing a pherapist that deals with pyscho therapy but don't feel like its having any positive effects at the minute.
Has anyone dealt with similar issues, offer any advice. I feel so desperate at the minute.
I am seeing a pherapist that deals with pyscho therapy but don't feel like its having any positive effects at the minute.
Re-reading my first post in this thread from April 2013, I can't believe how awesome I was feeling compared to now. It's a night and day difference. I don't know if it's from missing doses of some of my meds or my psych adding Clonidine to my medication regimen for it's off-label uses but I'm just feeling awful. I'm not enjoying anything and everything I do feels stale and lifeless. I can't remember the last time I felt happy or excited about anything. I read once that psych meds can lose their effectiveness after awhile, does anyone know more about this? I'm going to see my psychiatrist in 2 weeks and if I'm not feeling better something needs to change. My prob with my Dr is she basically let's me dictate what meds I go on or off, she rarely recommends a new med to go on. With the current meds I'm taking, I've tried to go off nearly every one of them but it either pushes me into a hypomanic state or increases anxiety/restlessness. This is all really tearing my day-to-day life apart.
EDIT- forgot to mention I'm diagnosed Bipolar II, if that matters.
EDIT- forgot to mention I'm diagnosed Bipolar II, if that matters.
I read my own writings from time to time. It gets really hard to get through at times because whenever I wrote or typed something that would only be read by me I was usually at the absolute rock bottom of depression.
I second this. This happens with me a lot so I just try to ignore any emotions associated with the day-to-day things in my life. A complete neutrality if/when I can. Basically, repression. :/
It's up to you if you'd like to share more in the thread. We don't get a lot of this type of discussion, so it's certainly of interest. Just know, going in, that there's going to be a lot of push back, including from me. I'll tell you straight-up that I think this is a crock of shit. I'm interested to hear about your experience, here or by PM, but you're going to face some extremely skeptical voices in here. You can decide if you're up for it.
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