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[Papa]

OP seems a bit autistic. My wife and I sometimes watch a show called Undateables. In it, people with disabilities try to get dates, usually with dating agencies. The autistic guys will usually have mum telling them to make sure they ask plenty of questions, not to talk about trains, etc. Your approach to socialising seems to have that same extensive structure to it. There’s a decent chance you weirded her out and she doesn’t quite know how to handle it.

I love that show

Bit harsh on OP

 

[Breakage]

Just to touch on this, I was in an abusive situation awhile ago for many years, and one of the things that kept me from getting out was that if I ever tried to get out, she would tell people that I was the one abusing her. Almost ended up committing suicide because of it, I had no one to turn to.

The #BelieveWomen mentality, which does exist (look at the Johnny Depp thing), is toxic and I wish it didn't exist. Both men and women can be asses, but if a woman makes an allegation against a man (sexual or otherwise) it shouldn't just be taken at face value. This goes vice versa as well, for men making allegations against women. If people are going to take sides, they should wait to hear everyone's side of the story first. But we don't live in a rational world, so that won't happen, which sucks.

OP, I'd recommend just avoiding her. It sounds like a bunch of drama you don't want to get caught up in.

Damn, I'm sorry to hear about that.
Yup, that's what I'm gonna do. The repeated personal insults directed towards me show the influence of that toxic mentality. Minds have been up. I must have a sinister motive. I must be a sexual predator waiting to pounce on this innocent woman who just wants to do her job. That there is nothing sexually suggestive in my OP or that I have repeatedly said that I don't see her in that way makes no difference.

It demonstrates how a woman can act like an utter bitch for no reason and still command a lot of sympathy, even among men on this forum, simply by virtue of biology alone.

Go back to being civil. By reflecting her attitude to you you've fallen into reinforcing her low opinion of you:

Don't reflect their behaviour because it just gives them justification to carry on.

Right now you're that Bitch Eating Crackers. By ignoring her, you're basically making it that much easier for her to apply that mental model to you, but if you treat her no differently than anyone else on the team it ultimately makes it much harder for her to maintain that model. Always put the effort on the other party to be frosty.

She took dislike to me when I was being nice. There isn't a reason. We didn't have any arguments or disagreements. There aren't any instances that make me think "right that's where she probably started to dislike me". It's just a case of I don't like talking to you. She's not a private person or unsociable. She doesn't hesistate to talk about aspects of her personal life with other people in the workplace. She knows I can hear all this information, so if it really were a case of not wanting me hear about her life, she would keep quiet completely. In my view, continuing to be nice will only boost her sense of superiority.

Try my earlier suggestion and see if that gets you any traction. Asking people for advice/help in an office environment is a great way of building rapport because you're essentially indicating to them that you value their competence/knowledge. 'Hey Jan sorry to disturb you but I'm really struggling with this formula, and I believe you're the expert on Excel, so would you be able to give me a couple of minutes to show me where I went wrong? ' Cap off the encounter with something akin to a ' 'Thank you very much for your time' or 'I really appreciate your help'' or even a simple 'You're a star'. Statements like that will go a long way towards forcing a person to have to re-evaluate their mental model of you, and that's ultimately what you need to achieve. If you can do it in a group situation even better, as you're essentially demonstrating to the tribe that you hold them in esteem. Adopting a deferring tone might initially grate with your ego (swallow your pride), but the ends justify the means.*

I've got no real reason to ask her for help. I've complimented her work in the past. It didn't make a difference. I swallowed my pride by continuing to be nice and helpful despite the fact that she was being closed-off. Again if there was an obvious reason behind her behaviour, then I could perhaps understand where she is coming from. But there is nothing I can point to that makes me think: "that's why she doesn't like talking to me". If she really cared about getting along with me, she would at least attempted to strike up a conversation with me. That's never happened. It tells me she was quite happy with me being nice and polite and her being unsocialable.

Also, the next day, when you first see them say hello and then and follow it up with a reminder 'Hi Jan, 'Thanks for yesterday, that was super helpful. I really appreciate the assist'. That way you're starting the day with giving them a major boost which will completely disrupt their routine ritual of seeing you come in and reverting to 'Look at that Bitch eating Crackers' mode. It puts them in the situation of having to re-evaluate you because new information has come to light that fucks with the existing mental model.

^Rinse/repeat

I've been polite and nice for months. I always initiated conversations and punctured awkward silences. I showed an interest in knowing her and valued what she had to say. This was never returned. Imagine you meet someone new and they never ask you anything in return. Would you feel like talking to this person again? You'd likely come away thinking this person doesn't care. I continued being nice, but I didn't notice any changes in her attitude towards me. That's why I gave up and went cold. Yes, it's more awkward now, but at least it's also awkward for her too.

Also, work on building up really good relationships with everyone else in the office. I make it a habit of always saying hello to everyone I encounter, asking them how their weekends were on a Monday morning, and in the afternoon if I meet people in the kitchen I like to use phrases like 'How's it going? ' Or 'are you winning?' which are more open-ended and require some thought on their part and most importantly use their name. Always. Most of the time it's the usual pat responses, but the point is, I'm demonstrating consistent behaviour across the board.

Her and the other co-workers have known each other for several years. I made an effort to say hello and bye. I used her name often. I did the whole open question thing, taking an interest in the things she talks about. I gave her no reason to dislike me. I mean I would understand if I made a crude joke or made her feel uncomfortable through my physical actions. But there was none of that. It reminds me of being in school when one kid just dislikes you for no obvious reason. I've never come across an adult who just treats me differently for no obvious reason.

 

[Kadayi]

B Breakage

You're clearly not listening. You're not after advice, you're here to whine. Lesson learned. I outlined some proven strategies and instead of thinking 'Ok I'll try' you're already playing 'yes, but'

 

[Breakage]

OP seems a bit autistic. My wife and I sometimes watch a show called Undateables. In it, people with disabilities try to get dates, usually with dating agencies. The autistic guys will usually have mum telling them to make sure they ask plenty of questions, not to talk about trains, etc. Your approach to socialising seems to have that same extensive structure to it. There’s a decent chance you weirded her out and she doesn’t quite know how to handle it.

No I'm not autistic. When I meet new people, I ask questions. No I didn't ask them all at once. I spaced them out over a number of weeks.
How else are supposed to know about a person if don't ask questions? Most people don't just volunteer information about themselves, lol. When was the last time you heard someone say: "Ok I know you didn't ask but I'm gonna give you a run down of all my interests and hobbies and tell you a bit about myself"?
People talk when questions are asked.

 

[The Bloody-Nine]

Leave her alone.

 

[Breakage]

B Breakage

You're clearly not listening. You're not after advice, you're here to whine. Lesson learned.

You gave me stuff that sounded as if it was from a people management handbook. This woman doesn't care about mental models and rapport building. This is not some big business in the City of London. I'm not whining. You asked me to respond and I did.

 

[Kadayi]

You gave me stuff that sounded as if it was from a people management handbook. This woman doesn't care about mental models and rapport building. This is not some big business in the City of London. I'm not whining. You asked me to respond and I did.

Management handbook? Fuck off. If your attitude in this thread is any indication of how you comport yourself, I'm not surprised you're too clueless to figure out what to do.

You're not after a solution, you're after attention

I've been around enough cunts to recognise someone playing 'Yes but '

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[GHG]

When was the last time you heard someone say: "Ok I know you didn't ask but I'm gonna give you a run down of all my interests and hobbies and tell you a bit about myself"?
People talk when questions are asked.

Actually, no.

People talk without needing to be questioned when they feel comfortable around you.

When they are made to feel uncomfortable for whatever reason they will shut down and barely talk even if you question them.

You made this woman feel uncomfortable and you were probably too self-absorbed in thinking you were doing the right thing to realise when and why this happened.

She talks to everyone else apart from you, therefore it is you who needs to do some self reflection.

But anyway, why does this matter so much to you? If it's just one colleague brush it off and get on with your job.

 

[hariseldon]

No I'm not autistic. When I meet new people, I ask questions. No I didn't ask them all at once. I spaced them out over a number of weeks.
How else are supposed to know about a person if don't ask questions? Most people don't just volunteer information about themselves, lol. When was the last time you heard someone say: "Ok I know you didn't ask but I'm gonna give you a run down of all my interests and hobbies and tell you a bit about myself"?
People talk when questions are asked.

Point is you do go directly in and ask questions. Conversations should flow naturally. Topics come up and people reveal things or don’t in the natural course of the conversation. Going in with the idea that people like talking about themselves and thus you should ask questions suggests that instead of coming naturally you have to work from a social script of sorts.

I’m autistic myself and it took a lot of hard work to learn how to pass as normal-ish but I recognise so much of the stupid shit younger me did.

 

[Breakage]

Management handbook? Fuck off. If your attitude in this thread is any indication of how you comport yourself, I'm not surprised you're too clueless to figure out what to do.

Your post was full of buzzwords. It read like something lifted straight out of one those nauseating management handbooks. Perhaps in your world people spout all that bullshit. But in my world that doesn't happen. It's not my fault that you decided to type all that stuff out with the arrogant expectation that you would praised for it.
I'm not clueless. As I said I've already done something about it. I made this thread to find out how people would respond if they were in my position.

 

[hariseldon]

Your post was full of buzzwords. It read like something lifted straight out of one those nauseating management handbooks. Perhaps in your world people spout all that bullshit. But in my world that doesn't happen. It's not my fault that you decided to type all that stuff out with the arrogant expectation that you would praised for it.
I'm not clueless. As I said I've already done something about it. I made this thread to find out how people would respond if they were in my position.

The irony of this when you describe social interaction in the manner of a self help book teaching basic social skills.

 

[Breakage]

Point is you do go directly in and ask questions. Conversations should flow naturally. Topics come up and people reveal things or don’t in the natural course of the conversation. Going in with the idea that people like talking about themselves and thus you should ask questions suggests that instead of coming naturally you have to work from a social script of sorts.

I’m autistic myself and it took a lot of hard work to learn how to pass as normal-ish but I recognise so much of the stupid shit younger me did.

Yeah of course, you're right. You obviously don't fire questions at a person as if you interviewing them. You weave it in with casual observations, remarks, etc. As I said in an earlier post she likes talking about herself (she does it with other people) often in earshot of me. It's just when I talk to her she closes up for whatever reason.

The irony of this when you describe social interaction in the manner of a self help book teaching basic social skills.

Big difference between "Ask questions and show an interest in people" and his jargon-filled post.

 

[hariseldon]

A small gift for the OP.

https://images.kw.com/docs/2/1/2/212345/1285134779158_htwfaip.pdf

 

[GHG]

Your post was full of buzzwords. It read like something lifted straight out of one those nauseating management handbooks. Perhaps in your world people spout all that bullshit. But in my world that doesn't happen. It's not my fault that you decided to type all that stuff out with the arrogant expectation that you would praised for it.
I'm not clueless. As I said I've already done something about it. I made this thread to find out how people would respond if they were in my position.

Mate, with all due respect you're struggling to build any rapport with people in this thread who are trying to help you. In light of that it comes as no surprise that you would struggle with people in a real life setting.

You need to reconsider your interactions with people.

 

[Kadayi]

A small gift for the OP.

https://images.kw.com/docs/2/1/2/212345/1285134779158_htwfaip.pdf

Careful there budd, those are handbooks

 

[The Bloody-Nine]

Yeah of course, you're right. You obviously don't fire questions at a person as if you interviewing them. You weave it in with casual observations, remarks, etc. As I said in an earlier post she likes talking about herself (she does it with other people) often in earshot of me. It's just when I talk to her she closes up for whatever reason.

She probably thinks you are:

1. way too forward

2. way too familiar

3. a nosy fucker

4. eavesdropping on her conversations instead of concentrating on your work

5. a complete creep

It's really not surprising that she wants nothing to do with you.

 

[Breakage]

Mate, with all due respect you're struggling to build any rapport with people in this thread who are trying to help you. In light of that it comes as no surprise that you would struggle with people in a real life setting.

You need to reconsider your interactions with people.

One woman means I need to reconsider my interaction with people? I'm not going to agree with posts I disagree with for the sake for building rapport.

 

[mr.dilya]

I wanted to know how other people would respond if they were in my position. I wrote the opener in second person so it would easier for people to identify with. Just because I've already responded doesn't mean I am not allowed to ask people to share their opinions. I've not encountered this situation in my life before, so I thought it would be interesting to see how other people would deal withit.

Yes, I could go to Google and look for a reddit thread about a similar situation, but I thought it would be better to open up a discussion and see what you guys had to say.
You do end up feeling like a fool, a pushover etc after keeping up the nice act in the face of bs. What does a person in my position gain from carrying on like this? They just end up being exploited and ridiculed.







I don't understand posts like these. Does it make you feel superior? Do you guys all work in dystopian warehouses where there everything is all about "the work" and nothing else? Many people spend a good chunk of their lives in the workplace. It's perfectly natural and normal to want to talk and get along with the people you're spending most of your day with. Moreso when you're in a smaller work environment where everyone is only a few metres away from you. You sound like people who are profoundly antisocial (I wouldn't be surprised). You talk as if any desire to talk to the people you work with is a thought crime.


All the questions I've asked her were harmless and noninvasive. I asked questions such as how was your week? Did you get up to anything? Did you go to university? What sort of foods do you like? Where have you been on holiday? What sort of TV shows do you watch? Along with questions about things going on
in the news and popular culture.
I'm a conservative person. I know where to draw the line in regard to questions about personal stuff. And I don't ask suggestive questions.


Honestly this is the impression I'm getting.
It's interesting to see posters coming out with variations of "leave her alone", which is undoubtedly based on the presumption that I'm trying to hound her for sex. This is despite the fact I've stated several times I'm not interested in her in that way. I guess these days a man can't just want to get along well with a woman. There's always gotta be a sexual motivation -- even when a man explicitly says that there isn't.

The #BelieveWomen rhetoric always seems to find a way.

stop it bro. This isn’t some metoo stuff, this is common sense. You are so invested in this woman giving you the time of day, I mean for what? You want her to fake it? you said yourself you aren’t even there as much as the others so what is the end game here? Let that woman be. If it were a man I’d say let that man be. Same difference.

 

[hariseldon]

Sometimes people post pretending they want advice but what they really want is to be told they’re perfect and the other person is a total cunt.

 

[Breakage]

stop it bro. This isn’t some metoo stuff, this is common sense. You are so invested in this woman giving you the time of day, I mean for what? You want her to fake it? you said yourself you aren’t even there as much as the others so what is the end game here? Let that woman be. If it were a man I’d say let that man be. Same difference.

If you notice I've not asked how I can fix things with her. My main aim was to see how other people would deal with it.

 

[GHG]

One woman means I need to reconsider my interaction with people? I'm not going to agree with posts I disagree with for the sake for building rapport.

Nobody is saying you need to agree with anything but you come off as very aggressive towards those who you deem to have a different viewpoint to your own.

When you make a thread like this you need to be open to being challenged and having different points of view being thrown at you. You might learn a thing or two. If not, what's the point of making the thread in the first place?

And again, if it's just one woman why does it matter so much?

 

[Karma Jawa]

Could be anything. Maybe it’s just a vibe she’s getting.

There’s a guy I work with who is completely full of himself. Not remotely interesting or amusing, but carries on as if he’s the life and soul of the place. Basically equates talking loudly with being charismatic. Boorish and frankly distracting. He’s the one person who never gets invited out for work nights out.

I have zero interest in speaking with him unless it’s specifically work-related.

I’m pretty talkative and people seem to appreciate my sense of humour, but there’s a couple of people who are on a different wavelength so I just leave them be. That’s just people being people.

For all you know you could remind her of her ex-husband.

 

[Breakage]

Nobody is saying you need to agree with anything but you come off as very aggressive towards those who you deem to have a different viewpoint to your own.

When you make a thread like this you need to be open to being challenged and having different points of view being thrown at you. You might learn a thing or two. If not, what's the point of making the thread in the first place?

And again, if it's just one woman why does it matter so much?

It's not just different viewpoints though is it? It's straight up personal insults. You're talking as if everyone is being civil and I'm the only one responding aggressively.
It doesn't matter so much. I'm just responding to the posts in thread until it dies off.
Btw, I do consider the other genuine points of view even if I don't show it through my posts.

 

[Nealand Liquor]

Be happy, move on with your life and don't put any effort into her.

 

[hariseldon]

It's not just different viewpoints though is it? It's straight up personal insults. You're talking as if everyone is being civil and I'm the only one responding aggressively.
It doesn't matter so much. I'm just responding to the posts in thread until it dies off.
Btw, I do consider the other genuine points of view even if I don't show it through my posts.

You’ve responded aggressively to perfectly civil posts and predictably this has riled people. You then get personal insults.

If you are genuinely considering other points of view you would do well to signpost that better.

 

[Breakage]

You’ve responded aggressively to perfectly civil posts and predictably this has riled people. You then get personal insults.

If you are genuinely considering other points of view you would do well to signpost that better.

The personal insults started way before I started responding aggressively. Have a look through the thread.

 

[nush]

You attempt to learn more about one of the women you work with. She's single and a few years older than you (late 30s). She's from a cultural background where she would be regarded as being “on the shelf”. Looks-wise she's unlikely to turn heads instantly, but she is not ugly.

He Literally profiled her relationship status and looks in the OP.

This is being nice about a co-worker how?

 

[mr.dilya]

If you notice I've not asked how I can fix things with her. My main aim was to see how other people would deal with it.

You deal with it by going to work and performing your own duties to the best of your ability. Control your controllables. You can't control who likes you and who doesn't like you.

 

[newtypepilot]

It's obvious that OP made this thread thinking that gaf would be on his side, even though in reality he's a creep who don't know social norms.
Just look at the original post. Despite being a new co-worker (aka a stranger he had just met), he wrote one long ass essay like if he's profiling her. Dude, just man up and admit that you were checking her out and tried to ask her out but failed.


This just reminds me that there was a new hire couple months ago at my work place. She's a junior from a different department. I was in the kitchen getting coffee as she walked in. I said hi and introduced myself. What was supposed to be a quick 10 second conversation turned into a 5/10 min of her fangirl-ing about green day. No transition. She just started rambling about green day.

Ok, she likes green day, but I don't give a shit because I had just met you. It was super awkward. Other coworkers now refer to her as "the green day girl"

 

[just_some_nut]

I don't understand posts like these. Does it make you feel superior? Do you guys all work in dystopian warehouses where there everything is all about "the work" and nothing else? Many people spend a good chunk of their lives in the workplace. It's perfectly natural and normal to want to talk and get along with the people you're spending most of your day with. Moreso when you're in a smaller work environment where everyone is only a few metres away from you. You sound like people who are profoundly antisocial (I wouldn't be surprised). You talk as if any desire to talk to the people you work with is a thought crime.

It's meant to offer a different perspective: you can (try to) talk to some people all you want, but you shouldn't expect the same return, nor view its absence as an insult or flaw. Some already have these needs met (or even in excess) in other parts of their lives; can't work just be work without offending someone?

If you're looking to socialize at work--great, more power to you and I hope you find some great relationships; but you shouldn't be demanding that others match your engagement

 

[Coolwhhip]

It's meant to offer a different perspective: you can (try to) talk to some people all you want, but you shouldn't expect the same return, nor view its absence as an insult or flaw. Some already have these needs met (or even in excess) in other parts of their lives; can't work just be work without offending someone?

If you're looking to socialize at work--great, more power to you and I hope you find some great relationships; but you shouldn't be demanding that others match your engagement

He is just being a nice guy.

 

[nush]

He is just being a nice guy.

 

[-Arcadia-]

Gaf’s opinion on OP:

 

[Papa]

I think you farnsgoths are potentially being a bit harsh but w/e

 

[Golgo 13]

I think this is pretty normal when you have a wide-variety of personalities that you interact with. Yeah, it can be jarring at first because she’s not acting in a way you consider “normal” or “polite”, but her behavior isn’t that unusual.

Best thing you can do at any job is focus on one thing, and one thing only —

outperforming everyone.

Focus on what you’re there to do, do it better than ANYONE would expect you to, and let everything else fall into place; some people will hate you, some will love you, and most will fall in the middle. It’s just life, you can’t control it. What you can control is yourself, so get after it.

 

[JimmyJones]

You've already pinpointed the issue:

> She's single and a few years older than you (late 30s). She's from a cultural background where she would be regarded as being “on the shelf”. Looks-wise she's unlikely to turn heads instantly, but she is not ugly.

Women in current_year have been brainwashed into viewing men as the enemy. If she's late 30s and childless, she likely resents herself for missing her window and is projecting her self-hatred on to you, the enemy. You are the one who is forcing her to live in an oppressive Patriarchy. You are the one who has robbed her of her self-agency. You are the one who has stolen her dreams by forcing her biological clock to cause her to be so neurotic. Of course, we all know that's bollocks, but people infected with the mind virus are not rational.

When I was a fresh graduate working on a mine site many years ago, there was a woman in a much more senior and more important role than me (superintendent level) who was the most bitter, sour-faced cunt I have ever met, even to this day. I didn't know the bird and hadn't spoken a single word to her, but she would give me the stink eye every time we passed in the corridor. Me being an insecure young 20 year old eventually got fed up with it and asked her point blank one day what her problem with me was. She sneered at me, refused to answer, and went and complained to my boss who called me in for a chat. He told me that I'm not the first male that she has had a problem with and that it's a known issue but he couldn't do anything about it because the company was actively looking to hire women and that they wouldn't circumvent their KPIs for something like this.

In hindsight, I was incredibly lucky that my boss was so cool and rational about it, because it really opened my eyes to the nature of the times we are living in. It was kind of my own personal Great Wokening because it wasn't long after that I heard Obama publicly pushing the wage gap lie and it just didn't mesh with my own perceptions. My lived experience, per se. I knew there was absolutely no way that women were being paid less for the same job when management had KPIs to hire women. What kind of manager is going to be underpaying women when they're incentivised to hire as many of them as possible? It's all part of the soft cultural coup that has been waged by feminists for the last several decades, and this woman's attitude is very likely a result of her being convinced that she's oppressed and you're to blame.

Long story short, the best thing you can do is what you've already done: return the could shoulder. Don't speak to her unless you absolutely have to for work purposes, and even then just keep it cold and professional. Never allow yourself to be in a room alone with her and if you do, turn on the recording on your phone. Above all, do not, under any circumstance, confront her about it. I'm not sure what industry you're in, but given the modern culture, she very likely has the upper hand in any HR complaint.

Amazing post. Take heed boys, it’s a minefield out there!

 

[Quartermaster]

She has a crush on you and handles it by ignoring you as much as possible to show lack of interest. Unfortunately this comes off very obvious to a point that it makes her look like she dislikes you. Also lack self esteem, that her life isn't all that interesting to share.

 

[Dark Star]

Just be nice to everyone, and hope they return the niceties. No need to over-reflect or ponder relationships with co-workers if you didn't say or do anything wrong, and vice-versa. Some people just like their privacy, and don't really want to make friends. Likewise, some people just aren't interested work-place relationships. She may not be into you, and there's nothing wrong with that. You can't win everyone over in life, that's just the way it is. So best thing you can do is keep your head down and focus more on your work, and less on being friends with everyone lol.

 

[Punished Miku]

I think you farnsgoths are potentially being a bit harsh but w/e

Way too harsh. It's easy for cowards to dogpile on someone and put them down to feel better about themselves. Without knowing a thing about the OP, suddenly he's judged an autistic creep.

Bunch of miserable people that need to shit on others to feel better, but are too cowardly to do it unless everyone else is.

 

[Papa]

Way too harsh. It's easy for cowards to dogpile on someone and put them down to feel better about themselves. Without knowing a thing about the OP, suddenly he's judged an autistic creep.

Bunch of miserable people that need to shit on others to feel better, but are too cowardly to do it unless everyone else is.

It's the women are wonderful effect. People don't even realise they're doing it.

 

[Nymphae]

A woman at work never asks you non-work-related questions and generally shows no interest in having a reciprocal conversation. How do you respond?

In kind.

 

[Foamy]

Way too harsh. It's easy for cowards to dogpile on someone and put them down to feel better about themselves. Without knowing a thing about the OP, suddenly he's judged an autistic creep.

Bunch of miserable people that need to shit on others to feel better, but are too cowardly to do it unless everyone else is.

Any man who can't leave a women alone when she wants to be left alone is a creep.
And anyone who can't understand that needs to reflect on their own behavior.

 

[-Arcadia-]

There’s a middle ground where the OP’s obsession with this person and not being liked is a bit much, but with him certainly not deserving some of the shit he’s getting in this thread.

Edit: Or at least that’s my casual read on the situation

 

[Chairman Tickles]

Your post was full of buzzwords. It read like something lifted straight out of one those nauseating management handbooks. Perhaps in your world people spout all that bullshit. But in my world that doesn't happen. It's not my fault that you decided to type all that stuff out with the arrogant expectation that you would praised for it.
I'm not clueless. As I said I've already done something about it. I made this thread to find out how people would respond if they were in my position.

Autism is a hell of a drug.

 

[chitzy]

This thread reads like OP is completely lacking in self awareness, creeped out this poor late 30s Asian woman, and thinks he's entitled to sex with her.

 

[Tevious]

Well, I can tell you from experience that confronting a woman about their issue with you isn't likely to work or get you any answers. A few years ago I was in a situation like that with a woman that was clearly avoiding me and didn't want to converse with me. In this case, she used to work in the desk next to mine and was friendly enough with me at the time, except for a couple incidents where she was a little rude. But her attitude toward me noticeably changed after she was no longer working in the same office as me. She wanted nothing to do with me. I tried asking her if there was an issue and I tried apologizing for if I had done something to offend her (which I couldn't think of anything). She was caught off guard and then just lied to my face pretending nothing was wrong. For the next week she put on a phony act of being nice to me, which I saw right through, and then she went right back to avoiding me, but maybe trying harder not to be so obvious about it. I don't pay her any attention anymore.

If you can't think of any reason why you may have offended someone when they behave like that to you, it's probably just some prejudice they have against you and it's their issue, not yours. In my case, I suspect she probably has a case of xenophobia or racism that she is dealing with.

 

[nush]

This thread reads like OP is completely lacking in self awareness, creeped out this poor late 30s Asian woman, and thinks he's entitled to sex with her.

because he's also Asian and she does not have a white boyfriend, is "left on the shelf" and she's almost 40 so...

 

[Sakura]

She doesn't like you OP. Maybe you fucking stink, who knows.
As you noticed, she doesn't have this problem with other co-workers. It's quite clearly a you problem. Just because you think you are being normal, and asking normal questions, doesn't mean the other person sees you that way.
You know what I do when I work with people who clearly don't want to make small talk with me? I switch to keeping things professional. Just talk work. But I don't act intentionally cold, because that would just be petty. I'm not a kid, no need to act like one. Be nice and willing to help, and who knows, maybe in time they will open up a bit more.
Instead you are spending your time worrying about this person, acting like a child by not even saying hello or goodbye, and playing your part in worsening the atmosphere. To what extent?

 

[Woo-Fu]

OP, don't shit where you eat.

This has always been true but in today's "men are the root of all evil" climate you're asking to get wrecked. Stick to the job. Be happy you have it. The better you are at it the more quickly the rest will follow.

Lastly, if somebody clearly doesn't like you then leave it alone. You don't fix it by being even more annoying. You don't need them to like you, you just need them to work with you. You're making that less likely to happen and you're the one who'll suffer for it, guaranteed.

 

[Spukc]

Ask her if she wants to go out with your wives boyfriend OP.