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Asian-GAF: We're all the same, like Stormtroopers |OT| |AT|
- Thread starter Cybit
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IAmtheFMan
Member
Midwest-Asian High five!
Eh, most of the time people don't mean any harm so I let them play the guessing game. If it's a cute girl, I usually give them 3 guess and if they get it wrong I get their number (I still try if they win anyways lol). I've been guilty of asking one's ethnicity too.
Dead Prince
Banned
i'm waiting for "overwatch" tbh.
i was so into TF2 though. before i had a job.
i was so into TF2 though. before i had a job.
The difference though is that you're being straight forward and asking for their ethnicity. Asking where someone's from is a different question.
I loved playing TF2 with gaffers but I haven't touched it in so long.
Cow Mengde
Banned
I know, I was just fucking with the guy for fun. It's just fun to throw people off.
CapNBritain
Member
So who has crazy family stories? I don't really have any, but I know two Indian friends who are going through some wedding shenanigans with the family.
With one, he is marrying a white girl and wants to have a mixed wedding. He's not really into his Indian culture/heritage, but he wanted his family to feel included. His father then started to try and take over the wedding planning. He made many requests/demands and is basically trying to bully the couple into placating him.
With another, the husband's family is making demands of the bride and criticizing her for her inability to do everything they say. She is currently stressed from working, being in grad school, and dealing with a lot of random stuff like having her apartment robbed. They don't give a shit. For her bachelorette party, a cousin drove down last minute (she wasn't technically invited), with her baby. Since it was a last minute thing, she arrived hours late and made everyone wait for her. Then just assumed that it was ok for her and her baby to stay in the bride's studio apartment.
I also have Vietnamese friends who have to do a full Catholic ceremony (also happened with a white friend) despite this not being what the couple wanted. In this case, the groom was actually buddhist, and his parents did not want him to convert. He did.
I'm lucky that my family and my fiancee's family don't give a shit, and we would tell them to back off if they did. But I know not all families are chill and not all people would stand up to their families. Anyone have any interesting wedding/family stories?
With one, he is marrying a white girl and wants to have a mixed wedding. He's not really into his Indian culture/heritage, but he wanted his family to feel included. His father then started to try and take over the wedding planning. He made many requests/demands and is basically trying to bully the couple into placating him.
With another, the husband's family is making demands of the bride and criticizing her for her inability to do everything they say. She is currently stressed from working, being in grad school, and dealing with a lot of random stuff like having her apartment robbed. They don't give a shit. For her bachelorette party, a cousin drove down last minute (she wasn't technically invited), with her baby. Since it was a last minute thing, she arrived hours late and made everyone wait for her. Then just assumed that it was ok for her and her baby to stay in the bride's studio apartment.
I also have Vietnamese friends who have to do a full Catholic ceremony (also happened with a white friend) despite this not being what the couple wanted. In this case, the groom was actually buddhist, and his parents did not want him to convert. He did.
I'm lucky that my family and my fiancee's family don't give a shit, and we would tell them to back off if they did. But I know not all families are chill and not all people would stand up to their families. Anyone have any interesting wedding/family stories?
IAmtheFMan
Member
I'm Korean-American, my fiancee is Chinese-American.
I was raised Christian Methodist, she wasn't raised in any sort of religious household. I'm not at all religious, but my fiancee's still converting anyways since my mom's super religious. So because of that, our ceremony's in a church, which is the western Christian ceremony.
We're also doing a Chinese Tea Ceremony, and a Paebaek (the Korean ceremony). It's... kinda nuts.
I was raised Christian Methodist, she wasn't raised in any sort of religious household. I'm not at all religious, but my fiancee's still converting anyways since my mom's super religious. So because of that, our ceremony's in a church, which is the western Christian ceremony.
We're also doing a Chinese Tea Ceremony, and a Paebaek (the Korean ceremony). It's... kinda nuts.
Oh man that sounds crazy fun. Are you guys going to dress appropriately for both ceremonies?
Septimus Prime
Member
When I got married, we followed my in-laws' Filipino tradition of having a bunch of sponsors, so we had a bunch of people we didn't really know (her parents' friends) in our wedding party. Supposedly the sponsors are supposed to give bigger wedding gifts, but they really didn't (in fact, one pair came in a party of four and gave no gift at all). I can't say I appreciated that.
We also did a second ceremony in the Philippines for her family and family friends. We knew almost no one.
We also did a second ceremony in the Philippines for her family and family friends. We knew almost no one.
That's awesome. If my grandma was still alive, I probably would've done a traditional Korean wedding as well but probably just gonna do it at a church. I wouldn't have been opposed to one either... it seems super interesting.
IAmtheFMan
Member
Yep, for the most part. She'll wear a traditional red Chinese wedding dress for the tea ceremony but I think I'm getting away with a suit.
But for the Paebaek, we're both doing Hanbok.
Sorry to go off topic but from my last post I was reminded about traditional Chinese garments worn in weddings and how I find the Cheongsam dress absolutely beautiful and elegant. So for the past 40 minutes or so I fell down the rabbit hole and I learned something new about myself.
...
To be frank, the idea of sponsors blows. I'm not familiar with this tradition and I can't say I get it.
...
To be frank, the idea of sponsors blows. I'm not familiar with this tradition and I can't say I get it.
Yep, for the most part. She'll wear a traditional red Chinese wedding dress for the tea ceremony but I think I'm getting away with a suit.
But for the Paebaek, we're both doing Hanbok.
I mean that respectfully.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Sorry to go off topic but from my last post I was reminded about traditional Chinese garments worn in weddings and how I find the Cheongsam dress absolutely beautiful and elegant. So for the past 40 minutes or so I fell down the rabbit hole and I learned something new about myself.
Me, I probably want to do something weird if I get married. Not sure what, but it won't be traditional, that's for sure. Probably won't be big, but it'll be something. Might be pretty tacky too.
IAmtheFMan
Member
I mean that respectfully.
Yeah, I'm with you. While the Hanbok is nice and I'm sure she'll look very cute, I fully expect her to look HOT in the Chinese dress.
This:
vs. this:
Man, watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3A983z2yItg
(Movie itself is great, too.)
I'm not getting married anytime soon, but I always saw my wedding in a small garden with someone playing classical guitar.
MissDeviling
Member
Since we're on the topic of Asian clothing... I'm doing something like a personal art project and wanted to study more about the history of Chinese clothing, like from the first dynasty onwards. Anyone know a good resource for that? Would be open to buying/borrowing books, but I'm not sure which one is good. Online resources are a bit scarce in info, or maybe I'm just not looking in the right places. Pictures I find are small or low quality, and I need refs for men as well.
Also, I love Capcom's modern take on Chinese clothing, haha.
Also, I love Capcom's modern take on Chinese clothing, haha.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Since we're on the topic of Asian clothing... I'm doing something like a personal art project and wanted to study more about the history of Chinese clothing, like from the first dynasty onwards. Anyone know a good resource for that? Would be open to buying/borrowing books, but I'm not sure which one is good. Online resources are a bit scarce in info, or maybe I'm just not looking in the right places. Pictures I find are small or low quality, and I need refs for men as well.
I don't think the first dynasty had very interesting clothing. Earliest Chinese culture is around 9000 B.C. in the neolithic era. All we have is pottery and some tools.
I assume you've seen this?
http://www.wuxiaedge.com/wp-content...g_and_cheongsam_qipao_by_lilsuika-d5uaq7g.jpg
Clothing characteristics of the Qin - Han Dynasty.
http://www.cits.net/china-guide/china-traditions/qin-han-dynasty-clothing.html
Warrior_Keoni
Member
This is the most important part of any wedding. You win!
CapNBritain
Member
I find it interesting that you say you wouldn't stand up to your family and then explain that you have engineered your dating habits so that you won't have to. Am I right to assume that not only you will only date men who are Taiwanese, but also men who meet other criteria that your family find important, such as religion, important viewpoints, and personality? And by doing so you will never be in conflict?
Hypothetically, if you fell in love with someone that you then found out your parents disapproved of, would you defend him? Or if it's something where your parents are mistreating your love, like my example with my Indian friend, would you speak up?
I'm not trying to disparage you or anything, I'm just fascinated because I don't know what it's like to have that kind of relationship with my parents. And I know that's unusual for a Chinese person.
I'm also halfway through The Sopranos and that show has really made me think about being a parent in the future. It's also made me question my own behavior as a son, because damn those kids are some entitled bitches.
Merging traditions sounds wonderful. One drawback of having parents who aren't super involved is that I have no idea what cultural traditions are available for me to throw into my wedding.
If your fiancee was against converting, how would you handle that? I've always thought that I would never convert for anyone, because I feel that it would be super disrespectful to their beliefs. And, I don't have the greatest relationship with the idea of God.
The whole idea of strangers having prominent positions in weddings weirds me out. But my family was never really part of a community. My best friend had 3 weddings. One was Cambodian, with over 200 guests, most of which were her parents's friends. One was a western wedding with most of their friends. Another was a Catholic ceremony that "officially" married them in the eyes of the church. Oh, and I guess a 4th if you count the City Hall thing they did in secret before all the "real" weddings.
I hope I can pull this off, but I don't know if I want to see my parents drunk.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Ugh, I don't even want to think about that. Especially since my dad left my mom for another woman. I don't want to think about them even being in the same room, much less drunk.
Maybe I just won't get married and I won't have to worry about it
Cow Mengde
Banned
I keep warm by shoveling snow.
CapNBritain
Member
Ugh, I don't even want to think about that. Especially since my dad left my mom for another woman. I don't want to think about them even being in the same room, much less drunk.
Maybe I just won't get married and I won't have to worry about it
My parents are also divorced and my wedding will probably be the first time being in the same room since I was 10. Life has worked out pretty well for the both of them, so I don't expect a repeat of the screaming and crying that occurred last time.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Hey bunny, you mind if I ask you how old you are? I ask because when I was younger, I thought the same way. I thought about finding a girl that my parents would approve of and could get along with. That's what I did. When I got older, I came to the realization that I just liked women. I think it helps that I live in New York. When it comes to finding a girlfriend, I put my own interest first, because at the end of the day, I'm who she has to deal with, not my parents. You might find yourself the same way as you get older, but obviously nothing is set in stone.
BTW, I know I said Cheongsam dresses are tacky and the irony is not lost to me that I'm a tacky person. To me, those dresses seem like the go to fashion when people think Chinese and/or Asian when in reality, our fashion's more diverse than that. I a way, I find them racist. That's why they really don't do it for me.
This is the secret to my powers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9XcJE6xlMA
BTW, I know I said Cheongsam dresses are tacky and the irony is not lost to me that I'm a tacky person. To me, those dresses seem like the go to fashion when people think Chinese and/or Asian when in reality, our fashion's more diverse than that. I a way, I find them racist. That's why they really don't do it for me.
This is the secret to my powers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9XcJE6xlMA
Troubled Bat
Member
How is everyone! I feel like it's been forever since I last posted on this thread.
As for me, I am feeling completely lost. ╮(╯▽╰╭
As for me, I am feeling completely lost. ╮(╯▽╰
╭Seductivpancakes
Member
That sucks bro. Hang in there.
Same thing with me when I married my wife. Just the sponsor thing, not sure about them giving us better/bigger gifts. Did you also have to drink carbonated water and sugar mixed or something like that before going to the reception?
You mind me asking what happened? I've been on the fence about breaking up with my own girl these past few weeks.
Yea sure,
I'm 24, she's 28. She had come from Maryland to Chicago, breaking up with her boyfriend in hopes of advancing her career (from just doing secretary work to web design and programming). There was really no intention to stay in Chicago for long, nor was there to get into a relationship.
Somehow, that ended up not happening, and we developed feelings for each other and started dating.
There were several factors that led to this:
- Age gap. She thought we were in two different places and wanted more, and thought I couldn't provide that.
- She was still dead set on moving to Maryland. Her family and her dogs are still there, and she always wanted to go back and help provide for her parents, or at least, ease the burden.
- I work at a startup, and I put in some greater than average hours. We only saw each other 2-3 days a week, and that wasn't enough for her. I wasn't ready to dedicate more time at the pace she wanted. Coupled with the fact that she... doesn't really move/work/do things at the pace I do, it just lead to a lot of nights where we didn't do much. I'm very fast paced, she doesn't really have that second gear.
It wasn't something that was done out of spite. She still loves me, I don't doubt that. I can totally understand why she did it. Doesn't mean I have to be happy about it. I tried to tell her I'd move to Maryland/DC for her, but by then she made her mind. I'm trying my best to move on now.
I'm trying to be logical and tell myself the downsides outweighed the positives... but even having dealt this advice before to others, it's hard to think straight.
Wait, what. 2-3 days a week isn't enough for dating, especially as a young urban professional?
SUPARSTARX
Member
Hi. Chinese and signing in.
Sucks.
Seems like the mid 20s is when a lot of 4-5 year relationships breakup.
Well, I haven't had a relationship if that makes you feel better.
IAmtheFMan
Member
Religion isn't that important to me. It's important to my mother which is why she's converting. If my fiancee were dead set against not converting, I wouldn't mind and I'd stick with her anyways. It would definitely be an uphill battle with my family, and her doing this really reminds me how much she cares about me.
Sorry to hear man. If you're still in Chicago, maybe we can organize a post-breakup drinking moratorium.
Sorry to hear BlueSteel. It just sounded like yall were at different stages in life.
My issue is communication. My girl is not confrontational whatsoever and would let everything bottle in only to eventually explode. We talked about it last night and how it's not healthy to avoid problems and not address them.
For instance, last week I had my good friends come in from out of town and we were having dinner. She text me in the middle of it saying she wanted to meet tonight because she just got back from out of town herself from a friend's wedding. I told her sorry babe, I'm already having dinner with my close friends and it's their last night here and if we can schedule for tomorrow. She coldly responded with a resounding "no". After dinner, I tried calling and texting saying we should talk but she refused to talk to me. The next day or two, she explained how she can't talk in the heat of the moment and she was taking issues she had with her family on me.
We're also opposites in a lot of ways. It's cute at first, but now it's clashing. I'm relatively laid back and kind I think. Others may tell you otherwise lol. She thinks she's the alpha female and can be mean. She was telling me stories of how she admitted to wrong doing, but never was apologetic about it. I won't go into details, but she put someone on full blast recently in the heat of the moment. Reflecting back, she accepted that she was in the wrong. I asked if she would apologize to that person. She won't. She feels remorse but is not sorry for any of her actions. I'm like, accepting what you did and being apologetic for it is two totally different things. I can recognize I accidentally punched an innocents person's face but if I'm not sorry for it, then I'm an asshole. I pointed out that she's being one by not apologizing for her actions.
Sorry, I made this a relationship-gaf topic now lol. I'm going to give the relationship a little longer and if this keeps up, time to break it off.
My issue is communication. My girl is not confrontational whatsoever and would let everything bottle in only to eventually explode. We talked about it last night and how it's not healthy to avoid problems and not address them.
For instance, last week I had my good friends come in from out of town and we were having dinner. She text me in the middle of it saying she wanted to meet tonight because she just got back from out of town herself from a friend's wedding. I told her sorry babe, I'm already having dinner with my close friends and it's their last night here and if we can schedule for tomorrow. She coldly responded with a resounding "no". After dinner, I tried calling and texting saying we should talk but she refused to talk to me. The next day or two, she explained how she can't talk in the heat of the moment and she was taking issues she had with her family on me.
We're also opposites in a lot of ways. It's cute at first, but now it's clashing. I'm relatively laid back and kind I think. Others may tell you otherwise lol. She thinks she's the alpha female and can be mean. She was telling me stories of how she admitted to wrong doing, but never was apologetic about it. I won't go into details, but she put someone on full blast recently in the heat of the moment. Reflecting back, she accepted that she was in the wrong. I asked if she would apologize to that person. She won't. She feels remorse but is not sorry for any of her actions. I'm like, accepting what you did and being apologetic for it is two totally different things. I can recognize I accidentally punched an innocents person's face but if I'm not sorry for it, then I'm an asshole. I pointed out that she's being one by not apologizing for her actions.
Sorry, I made this a relationship-gaf topic now lol. I'm going to give the relationship a little longer and if this keeps up, time to break it off.
Warrior_Keoni
Member
That unapologetic behavior can lead to many problems down the road. I'm not sure what goes through the minds of people when you know you are in the wrong and still not having the gall to say sorry for their mistake.
I hope your situation works out.
Septimus Prime
Member
My condolences. =(
When I was 18, I dated a girl who was 23, and it also didn't work out. I think your 20s is just a very tumultuous time in your life. In your early 20s, you're just dealing with finishing school--possibly for good--and becoming an adult in the working world, and then you have to face the entry-level/grad school grind. Your identity just keeps changing around that age.
We didn't. I think the sponsor thing was the only tradition we had to deal with. In the Philippines reception, though, I guess it's customary for the MC to sing. That guy was awful.
EDIT (to not make a new post): I just saw a bikini pic of a girl I almost dated on Facebook.
Zoe
Member
If you're approaching the age where you're looking for the end game, then no, I'd say 2-3 days isn't enough.
CapNBritain
Member
I understand your perspective. It works for you, and honestly, it makes sense. People typically construct their viewpoints and lifestyles in a way that makes their life easy to navigate, so I can see how you've ended up living in a way that would meet both your needs and the needs of your parents. They would probably have a problem with you dating a non-Asian guy, but because of their influence and your environment, you're pretty much only interested in Asian guys.
If you were born a lesbian though, I bet it'd be rough.
I'm really sorry things didn't work out for you man. Just keep living life and doing what you can. And one day you'll look back back upon this time with bittersweet fondness.
You make a good point about your fiancee converting showing how much she cares about you. And I'm glad that you would stick up for her if not converting was important to her. I've seen cases where it didn't work both ways.
Man, I don't know your girlfriend, but this doesn't sound healthy. I make it a point not to deal with people that can't control themselves. Especially if they try to dodge the blame. I just can't stand people who refuse to apologize when they are wrong or use their flaws as a shield instead of trying to address them. But I know that most people are actually that way, so it definitely makes it hard to keep friends. Anyway, my thoughts are that if you love someone, think about why you love them, think about if they love you, and then think about why they love you (if they do). If all 3 of those answers aren't satisfactory then maybe it isn't something you need in your life.
Troubled Bat
Member
Sorry to hear, man. Tough times ahead of us. I'm still trying my hardest to move on my from my Ex, it'll be a while before it happens..
We were together for 3 years, 6 months. We broke up in the beginning of November. I know it's already been a long time, but I really don't want forget about her.
Thanks everyone. Just going to work on music, gym out, and post on GAF more heh.
We had similar communication issues too, but not as bad. That's really the big one for me. If you're not comfortable to just say what's on your mind and not be offended, that's a red flag for me.
Anyway, sorry for turning this into Asian-Relationship GAF
We had similar communication issues too, but not as bad. That's really the big one for me. If you're not comfortable to just say what's on your mind and not be offended, that's a red flag for me.
Anyway, sorry for turning this into Asian-Relationship GAF
Warrior_Keoni
Member
My sympathies on your situation too. Hope you will power on!
