IAmtheFMan
Member
Thread needs puppies.
Dangerous to do in an Asian thread. I'm not sure whether I want to cuddle them or ready my wok.
That'll be my last dog-eating joke.
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Asian-GAF: We're all the same, like Stormtroopers |OT| |AT|
- Thread starter Cybit
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Dangerous to do in an Asian thread. I'm not sure whether I want to cuddle them or ready my wok.
I knew someone was going to take my bait.
That sucks BlueSteel, sometimes the timing isn't right and it's not really anyone's fault.
I don't want to go into great detail but my in-laws attempted to blow up my wedding (as well as my relationship).
They never approved of me, I'm told I shouldn't take it personally because they were never going to think anyone was good enough for their daughter.
A few months before we were set to be married (and after things like save-the-dates were sent out) they sat us down and demanded that we postpone the wedding, and instead of moving to a new state together for her job, that I stay behind "because I didn't have a job lined up" (I work freelance now). In the future, maybe it would be OK for us to live together once I got that sorted to their satisfaction*. It was heavily implied that failure to comply would result in her being disowned. (Another note - since they never approved of me they were paying for 0% of the wedding. I paid for the whole thing with my money, and I stood to lose a substantial amount in deposits if I cancelled the wedding.)
Long story short their plan backfired when it became clear that both of her parents opposed the wedding for slightly different reasons, so when it ended up being just her father against us he grudgingly caved. He still gives us the silent treatment a few years later and I suspect he will never let it go.
This was really rough for my wife because she had never really stood up to her family until we started dating and they started to express their disapproval - she got a lot stronger as a result, I think.
* This was never, ever going to happen. I make a decent living doing freelance and later on, I mentioned that I was doing well, but he told me it wasn't good enough because I didn't have a "normal job in an office."
I don't want to go into great detail but my in-laws attempted to blow up my wedding (as well as my relationship).
They never approved of me, I'm told I shouldn't take it personally because they were never going to think anyone was good enough for their daughter.
A few months before we were set to be married (and after things like save-the-dates were sent out) they sat us down and demanded that we postpone the wedding, and instead of moving to a new state together for her job, that I stay behind "because I didn't have a job lined up" (I work freelance now). In the future, maybe it would be OK for us to live together once I got that sorted to their satisfaction*. It was heavily implied that failure to comply would result in her being disowned. (Another note - since they never approved of me they were paying for 0% of the wedding. I paid for the whole thing with my money, and I stood to lose a substantial amount in deposits if I cancelled the wedding.)
Long story short their plan backfired when it became clear that both of her parents opposed the wedding for slightly different reasons, so when it ended up being just her father against us he grudgingly caved. He still gives us the silent treatment a few years later and I suspect he will never let it go.
This was really rough for my wife because she had never really stood up to her family until we started dating and they started to express their disapproval - she got a lot stronger as a result, I think.
* This was never, ever going to happen. I make a decent living doing freelance and later on, I mentioned that I was doing well, but he told me it wasn't good enough because I didn't have a "normal job in an office."
CapNBritain
Member
Jesus man that's crazy. I have a friend that faced the same thing with his Ex (both Chinese). His girlfriend's parents disapproved of him and basically told her that she had to break up with him or they would disown her and never let her see her new baby brother. So she broke up with him. Pretty rough situation all around.
Don't answer this question if it's too personal but what was their beef with you? Stereotypical Asian parents' standards? Because it sounds like your shat in their cereal or something. Seriously, the idea of trying to bully your daughter out of her relationship infuriates me. I mean...
If I were in your shoes I don't think I would had held my composure if I heard that come out of his mouth.
At the GAF meet up I attended post E3 last year, I was the only Xbox One owner.
Was very awkward.
Wow, that's terrible.
Well, I think it's a combination of things...
I didn't make a good impression on them the first time we met. We grew up in the same place and I'm usually quite good about it but of course the first holiday season we spent together, I screwed up and we missed our flight
I also think that he thinks my career choice is not a respectable one - it became clear over the years that he has no idea what my job entails.They think they are traditional (as in Japanese traditional) but they are third generation Japanese-American. They have said to my wife, "you are just not Japanese enough" and if she wanted to be snarky she could reply in Japanese because she can speak it and they cannot. I think they watch a lot of old Japanese movies and romanticize a Japan that never was, where Samurai dad can bang his chopsticks on his chawan and his obedient wife scurries off to refill his bowl. (BTW, my wife has informed me that if I ever do this, my ass is getting kicked to the curb...
Of course, there is a strong undercurrent of sexism there. I make decent money but we moved here because of her career. She makes way more money than I do, and very likely always will. Moving here also definitely hurt my earning potential, but it was a sacrifice we chose to make. I think he believes that the man has to be the breadwinner. In my family, my mother was the breadwinner when I was growing up so this is not something that bothers me. (Also, clearly my wife is not smart enough to make her own decisions about her life, or something!)
With that sexism comes control - ultimately she was choosing to do something he didn't approve of and he fought tooth and nail to manipulate things and maintain control over the situation. Now that he has lost the battle he just stews in his anger. We do our best to leave the door open for him but it's really up to him to let it go.
Oh, believe me, I didn't. I have no problem telling him what I think. As her parents they automatically got the benefit of the doubt at first with me but after years of them treating both of us like shit I treat them with all the respect that they give us.
That said, I believe what motivated her mom is that she is genuinely concerned for her daughter's welfare, and that's something I can work with. Like I said, we'll give him time and we'll just see how it plays out, the door is always open.
Well, that's because the Xbone is...not very good...
(yes I own one too haha)
Eh, mine is collecting dust.
Fun for a few months.
I suppose it's continuously fun if you have friends over.
Troubled Bat
Member
Actually most of my Asian friends happen to be PC/Xbox.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Yeah, the 3DS.
CapNBritain
Member
Wow, that's terrible.
Well, I think it's a combination of things...
I didn't make a good impression on them the first time we met. We grew up in the same place and I'm usually quite good about it but of course the first holiday season we spent together, I screwed up and we missed our flight
They think they are traditional (as in Japanese traditional) but they are third generation Japanese-American. They have said to my wife, "you are just not Japanese enough" and if she wanted to be snarky she could reply in Japanese because she can speak it and they cannot. I think they watch a lot of old Japanese movies and romanticize a Japan that never was, where Samurai dad can bang his chopsticks on his chawan and his obedient wife scurries off to refill his bowl. (BTW, my wife has informed me that if I ever do this, my ass is getting kicked to the curb...
Of course, there is a strong undercurrent of sexism there. I make decent money but we moved here because of her career. She makes way more money than I do, and very likely always will. Moving here also definitely hurt my earning potential, but it was a sacrifice we chose to make. I think he believes that the man has to be the breadwinner. In my family, my mother was the breadwinner when I was growing up so this is not something that bothers me. (Also, clearly my wife is not smart enough to make her own decisions about her life, or something!)
With that sexism comes control - ultimately she was choosing to do something he didn't approve of and he fought tooth and nail to manipulate things and maintain control over the situation. Now that he has lost the battle he just stews in his anger. We do our best to leave the door open for him but it's really up to him to let it go.
Oh, believe me, I didn't. I have no problem telling him what I think. As her parents they automatically got the benefit of the doubt at first with me but after years of them treating both of us like shit I treat them with all the respect that they give us.
That said, I believe what motivated her mom is that she is genuinely concerned for her daughter's welfare, and that's something I can work with. Like I said, we'll give him time and we'll just see how it plays out, the door is always open.
Well, that's because the Xbone is...not very good...
(yes I own one too haha)
Very interesting stuff. Despite dating and maintaining a long distance relationship with a girl from Japan, I didn't realize that Japanese culture had such strong patriarchal sexism. At least to such an extent that seems abnormal compared to other Asian cultures. It definitely reminds me of the familial issues the many of my Indian friends have, as it seems like the fathers have issues with control.
Then again, you said they are 3rd generation and probably have a distorted view of their own culture. When it comes to non-Indian Asian families Ive observed with issues (Chinese, Vietnamese, Cambodian, and Filipino), I've mostly noticed the insanity coming from the mom.
I stored my ps3 since it was collecting dust (was a netflix machine beforehand). My wiiu is being ignored while I'm replaying Ghost Trick on my 3DS. I used to play heavily on my iPad 2. I owned a 360 long ago but got rid of it because it got red ringed.
It's mostly my PC playing Starcraft 2. I have to stay true to my genes.
Edit: Also I gave Heroes of the Storm a try. I have to say I really like its blend of MMO and mobas mechanics. It definitely feels different from LoL or DOTA 2.
Rice-Eater
Member
Crazy family story? OK here's mine, and it involves me. Oh and sorry, I'm going to make it long.
A long time ago in a country far far away from America, my 1st cousin(who is much older than me)decided to get married. For Hmong weddings, the husbands are expected to pay a dowry to their wife's family. The amount is normally determined by having a group from both sides come together and come to an agreement on the price. The the time varies but it can take quite a while. This was the late 70s I think so the fee was different back then. My side paid $500 and supposedly(according to their side) we agreed that if more people from both our families wed, it will stay $500.
Fast forward to 1993. My other first cousin's(the older brother of the previous cousin I mentioned) daughter and a boy from that family hook up. They're all in Cali right now but my 1st cousin is moving his family to NC. His daughter and her boyfriend don't want to lose each other so they decide to get married. They expect to only pay $500 but my cousin is like "fuck that, $5,000 bitches". We're all poor, but his family is even poorer and can't afford it. The boyfriend refuses to leave my cousins house and spends a whole week there. Knowing that his son won't leave his girl, his father goes to all his relatives and begs for money to pay the dowry. He finally gets the cash and pays the dowry. Normally we're supposed to have a traditional wedding after this, but their is no wedding. They just pay my cousin and that's that. So now their is bad blood between our families. Which doesn't really matter because my whole extended family all moved to NC(where I live now). So it's not like we're ever going to deal with them again...oops.
Fast forward to December 2008. My cousin(the son of the previous cousin I mentioned and is my age) is talking to some girl in Cali and is going to visit her around Xmas time and he's going to stay at his sisters place(the same couple from the previous paragraph). I wasn't planning on going but decide to at the last second. So we go and I meet the younger sister of my cousins husband. We hit it off and get along really well the whole week I'm there. I decide to try and talk to her and we end up having a long distance relationship for 5 years. It was hard and we came really close to breaking up once. But it worked out and we decide to get married.
Now the whole time my parents knew exactly who I was talking to when I first told them. They never discouraged me from talking to her, but they were concerned about dealing with that family again. So we're over there and it turns out the discussions about the dowry isn't going well. I'm not in the room so I don't know what's going on but I'm hearing a bunch of stuff like how the past is constantly being brought up and they're making it difficult or we're making it difficult. I'm even told by my father that if they can't come to an agreement, I'll have to ask my wife to just walk out with me. This is the situation she was most afraid of because it's like her turning her back on her family. Plus she had family telling her she better not leave with me if things don't work out. She was in tears from this and I had to console her. But after hours upon hours of discussions, they finally come to an agreement and we get married and I got the fuck out of there.
Sorry again for making it so long and sorry if you got lost trying to keep track of my family. I figure since you guys are also Asian, you could follow it a little better lol. But anyways I'm not traditional at all and I honestly hate a lot of our rules and customs, including weddings. Instead of being about celebrating my wife and I coming together in matrimony, Hmong weddings are basically a dick measuring contest. It's basically both sides going off on each other about who wronged each other more and why we should pay more or less because of that. And then their were a bunch of other stuff I had to do like chop a pig, deal with dozens of lectures, bow to 100 or so of my wife's relatives, and so on. Basically that was the worse weekend of my life lol.
A long time ago in a country far far away from America, my 1st cousin(who is much older than me)decided to get married. For Hmong weddings, the husbands are expected to pay a dowry to their wife's family. The amount is normally determined by having a group from both sides come together and come to an agreement on the price. The the time varies but it can take quite a while. This was the late 70s I think so the fee was different back then. My side paid $500 and supposedly(according to their side) we agreed that if more people from both our families wed, it will stay $500.
Fast forward to 1993. My other first cousin's(the older brother of the previous cousin I mentioned) daughter and a boy from that family hook up. They're all in Cali right now but my 1st cousin is moving his family to NC. His daughter and her boyfriend don't want to lose each other so they decide to get married. They expect to only pay $500 but my cousin is like "fuck that, $5,000 bitches". We're all poor, but his family is even poorer and can't afford it. The boyfriend refuses to leave my cousins house and spends a whole week there. Knowing that his son won't leave his girl, his father goes to all his relatives and begs for money to pay the dowry. He finally gets the cash and pays the dowry. Normally we're supposed to have a traditional wedding after this, but their is no wedding. They just pay my cousin and that's that. So now their is bad blood between our families. Which doesn't really matter because my whole extended family all moved to NC(where I live now). So it's not like we're ever going to deal with them again...oops.
Fast forward to December 2008. My cousin(the son of the previous cousin I mentioned and is my age) is talking to some girl in Cali and is going to visit her around Xmas time and he's going to stay at his sisters place(the same couple from the previous paragraph). I wasn't planning on going but decide to at the last second. So we go and I meet the younger sister of my cousins husband. We hit it off and get along really well the whole week I'm there. I decide to try and talk to her and we end up having a long distance relationship for 5 years. It was hard and we came really close to breaking up once. But it worked out and we decide to get married.
Now the whole time my parents knew exactly who I was talking to when I first told them. They never discouraged me from talking to her, but they were concerned about dealing with that family again. So we're over there and it turns out the discussions about the dowry isn't going well. I'm not in the room so I don't know what's going on but I'm hearing a bunch of stuff like how the past is constantly being brought up and they're making it difficult or we're making it difficult. I'm even told by my father that if they can't come to an agreement, I'll have to ask my wife to just walk out with me. This is the situation she was most afraid of because it's like her turning her back on her family. Plus she had family telling her she better not leave with me if things don't work out. She was in tears from this and I had to console her. But after hours upon hours of discussions, they finally come to an agreement and we get married and I got the fuck out of there.
Sorry again for making it so long and sorry if you got lost trying to keep track of my family. I figure since you guys are also Asian, you could follow it a little better lol. But anyways I'm not traditional at all and I honestly hate a lot of our rules and customs, including weddings. Instead of being about celebrating my wife and I coming together in matrimony, Hmong weddings are basically a dick measuring contest. It's basically both sides going off on each other about who wronged each other more and why we should pay more or less because of that. And then their were a bunch of other stuff I had to do like chop a pig, deal with dozens of lectures, bow to 100 or so of my wife's relatives, and so on. Basically that was the worse weekend of my life lol.
Rice-Eater
Member
I assume you didn't read a thing and saw my post on mobile? If yes then I don't blame you for the reaction. It was quite a lot that I typed. I should have probably summarized it much more.
Rice-Eater
Member
Yeah, it was definitely a crazy weekend. It's also not always necessarily about the money either. A lot of it has to do with both sides feeling like they have the others respect. That also plays a big role in these things since we have issues like some families looking down on others because that family has one person go to jail for committing a crime or has one guy who left his wife for another woman. Shit like this gets brought up as ammo during discussions.
Troubled Bat
Member
Septimus Prime
Member
I also only buy Sony and Nintendo consoles. Xbox's main genres just don't appeal to me.
Warrior_Keoni
Member
I'm with you here on Awakening. I'll add you on the 3DS and Wii U later this evening!
But in terms of video games though, I parents bought a NES for me when I was roughly 8 years old. They never let me play it more then 30 minutes per week.
Nowadays the irony is that they spend all their time playing mobile games such as Candy Crush. Although when I think about it, I spend more time on Netflix versus playing actual video games...damn backlogs.
MissDeviling
Member
My 3DS FC is 1349-4579-7239, add me! Also, if anyone wants 5IV Eevees, please let me know. I have boxes of them from shiny breeding, mostly Modest. I was just thinking of WTing them away, unless anyone wants them.
I also have a Wii U but I only play Bayo2 on it lol. Need to set up my friends list for it...
Made that mistake last gen. Missed out on MGS4, Okami HD, Journey, and Atelier Ayesha.
Mr. Wedgewood
Member
I have all current gen consoles and I hardly play any of them. Most of my free time I spend at the bars. Kinda sad really.
Cow Mengde
Banned
I'd tell you guys some crazy family stories, but that would turn this thread very depressing.
I'll tell you a quick facepalming story.
My rarely ever closes the doors when he walks outside to the yard during the summer. This lets a lot of flies in. He gets angry that we complain, saying flies are no big deal.
I'll tell you a quick facepalming story.
My rarely ever closes the doors when he walks outside to the yard during the summer. This lets a lot of flies in. He gets angry that we complain, saying flies are no big deal.
Seductivpancakes
Member
craziest story I got is my uncle set a trash can on fire when we went to the cemetery to pay our respect. He emptied the metal bin we use to burn the paper money into the trash can, without making sure the embers were dead first. We just walked off pretending we didn't know anything.
About 3 -4 years later, my dad did the same thing.
About 3 -4 years later, my dad did the same thing.
ActStriker
Member
Since we're trading these
NNID: ActStriker
3DS FC: 5284-1470-9856
Xbox Live: ActStriker
PSN: EXStrike
Steam: ActStriker
NNID: ActStriker
3DS FC: 5284-1470-9856
Xbox Live: ActStriker
PSN: EXStrike
Steam: ActStriker
Hi AsianGAF,
I have a question about Indian food. I can't make a thread and I don't know if there's another thread where this question can fit, so apologies if I'm barking up the wrong tree.
A place I know does a dish called Chicken Tikka Aam. They describe it as 'Tandoori roasted chicken in sweet and sour sauce with mango & yogurt'. It's one of the best foods I've ever had.
No other place I've ever seen does Chicken Tikka Aam. Is it an exclusive to this place? Does it go by a different name usually?
Thanks
I have a question about Indian food. I can't make a thread and I don't know if there's another thread where this question can fit, so apologies if I'm barking up the wrong tree.
A place I know does a dish called Chicken Tikka Aam. They describe it as 'Tandoori roasted chicken in sweet and sour sauce with mango & yogurt'. It's one of the best foods I've ever had.
No other place I've ever seen does Chicken Tikka Aam. Is it an exclusive to this place? Does it go by a different name usually?
Thanks
IAmtheFMan
Member
Well you can't just leave that tempting a dangling fruit and not expect me to reach for it.
MissDeviling
Member
Added you on my 3DS! My FC is 1349-4579-7239
I just don't understand why people are so willing to appease to family if their own family are being unreasonable pricks. I didn't have a good relationship with my mother growing up and got outta the house and did what I wanted asap. It took years but we are on good terms now. Even if we did not make up, I rather be happy on my own than miserable dealing with her. Thankfully, I think she improved because of what we've been through.
This sounds cruel or cold but to me, there is no such thing as absolute unconditional love. I don't care if they are family. Love has to be earned. Being family does not excuse you from abusing each other.
This sounds cruel or cold but to me, there is no such thing as absolute unconditional love. I don't care if they are family. Love has to be earned. Being family does not excuse you from abusing each other.
IAmtheFMan
Member
Over the last few generations, I've had all three consoles (64/DC/PS1, GC/PS2/XB, Wii/PS3/360).
360 was my main HD console last generation; I played most of the 3rd party games on there. I switched to PS4 for this gen though. I'll probably get an XBone at some point. Honestly though, I've been playing my Wii U way more than my PS4 this generation.
NNID: jayhoon82
PSN: jayhoon82
XBL: KayJayEl
If you add me, let me know you're from Asian-GAF and what your user-name is. I'll do the same.
CapNBritain
Member
Jesus Christ man that is crazy. I don't know what to say, this story takes the cake. I can't believe you made it through that.
Also, why does your family keep going into this family? I mean, this is some weird coincidence type shit that seems like more than a coincidence. Do Hmongs typically date other Hmongs? Is everyone in that family really, really hot?
Fire Emblem: Wakening was the first FE game I could ever get into. I loved playing eugenics and beat it on every difficulty except the highest one (last battle broke me).
I've always been a Nintendo guy. NES as a kid and rediscovered videogames with Smash Bros in high school. Pokemon got me into handhelds and that was that. I did get a 360 because of Resident Evil 5 (greatest co-op experience ever) and then a PS3 because of The Last of Us (one of the greatest games of all time). Now the PS3 is my Blu-Ray player and that's about it. I have a Wii U for Smash but sometimes feel like I'm missing out on top-tier games. But then again, I don't even really play the great games I do have. I'll eventually get a PS4 if a game warrants it.
Doubling down on 3DS though because I love me some portable experiences. Currently my iPhone is taking up my time though, because I can play games while watching TV or doing other things.
I don't understand how anyone could try to appease anyone else when that other person is being an unreasonable prick. But lots of people can be unreasonable pricks at times, and so I understand that most people want to accommodate them. I say fuck it though. I will forgive if someone apologizes, because everyone fucks up, but I refuse to be around people who refuse to acknowledge their mistakes.
Yes, love and respect need to be earned. You need to be worthy of my emotions. And I need to be worthy of yours.
Warrior_Keoni
Member
Pretty sure it's been ingrained in us from the start to always respect family and such. There's some weird "honor" thing that you'll go out and achieve great things to bring respect to your family. I guess parents are so afraid of criticism from others and when I was younger, my mother would constantly tell me to not embarrass her and so on.
Fast-forward to several years and now my parents don't really give a damn about the relatives due to pettiness and drama. But I do agree with you that sometimes to understand one another, you have to move apart to reinforce the relationship.
This, combined with general respect for those who are older and the belief that you basically have an un-repayable life debt to parents for bringing you into the world and raising you.
CapNBritain
Member
I'm really glad I didn't grow up with that culture/mentality. Once again, divorce to the rescue!
Rice-Eater
Member
Between our families, it was just a funny coincidence. I joke about trying to hook up my baby nephew with one of her young nieces but she's dead set against it. She says this is the last time someone from both our families are going to marry into each other again.
As for how we date and marry. Keep in mind that most of us immigrated here in the 80's to 90's. We're still a very close knit group and haven't branched out too much like other groups who have been here several decades longer. Though not all, a lot of extended families will stay together in the same area like mine has. For example I'm very Americanize, but I don't have a single non-Hmong friends and the same goes for a lot of my friends and cousins my age. It's been changing but even in my High School days in the early 2000's a lot of youth just prefer to stick together. We talked and associated with non-Hmongs, but we didn't try to become good friends with them and make time for a separate group of friends from the ones we grew up with. And that carries on into dating as well I guess. Stick together, stick with what's familiar. Plus what most of our parents would prefer I guess.
Troubled Bat
Member
CapNBritain
Member
Interesting. I did not know that about Hmong people. You see, my parents were also part of the late 70s to early 80s immigration wave. I think a lot of Taiwanese families came over at that time. But for some reason my family was not part of some large community. I don't know if that's the same for other Taiwanese immigrants or not. I just integrated into American society pretty easily and had a mix of Chinese (didn't know the difference between Chinese or Taiwanese as a kid), misc Asian, and Other friends. Most of my childhood friends I met out on the streets or on the playground.
This sounds alarmingly close to my relationship with my parents. I don't have a healthy relationship with my mother and we've always clashed one way or another. I know my mother is not a bad person, far from it, but being a single parent takes a toll on a person. She supports me in most ways as a parent but never in an encouraging way. Rather it's threats and ultimatums and critiques on my shortcomings as a person. She's not wrong but she doesn't realize her demeanor does nothing positive for me. I know me not being the ideal son doesn't help either.
So I feel you, and it's certainly a bit of a relief that there are others in the same boat. I love my mother, I really do, but god I fucking hate her sometimes.
If you don't mind me asking, what was the settled upon agreement at the end of it? I'm guessing not the $500 "grandfathered plan" but hopefully not $5k either. I had no idea that there were still cultures out there using dowries.
Man, it sounds like a modified Chicken Tikka Masala with a sweet & sour sauce rather than the typical garlic / spice sauce. Never heard of it myself, though.
Septimus Prime
Member
I can't answer the food question, but you can make a quick and easy home tandoor by cutting off the bottom of a large terra cotta flower pot and putting it upside-down over a grill or BBQ pit. If you use hot charcoal, you can get the internal temperature to around 800 degrees, which is good enough to cook naan and chicken tandoori.
Aam in Hindi means Mango, so it sounds like they just added mango chutney to tikka masala.