WCW Monday Nitro 5/11/98
Nitro is, sadly, back to 3 hours. Thunder also returns this week. Show starts with a recap of the end of last week's show, which was a big brawl, which has been the ending to every Nitro for a year and a half.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene brings Bret Hart out. Maybe this time he'll actually give an answer for his actions. Bret vs Savage for the first time ever (which I'm not sure is actually true, but it is on PPV) at Slamboree. Bret has been in Savage's way of being the best all along. THE WCW. THE WCW. THE WCW. THE WCW. THE WCW. THE WCW. He still didn't give any answer on why he joined with Hogan, but isn't wearing nWo shirts or anything.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Again, I guess. He introduces the Nitro Girls, who all come out one by one. I'm hoping Alex Wright will also come out, otherwise this was just a huge waste of time. No Alex Wright...so, what a waste of time.
Barry Horowitz! vs Disco Inferno
Barry Horiblewitz is back! Lol, WCW, you so cray. Barry vs Blue Blazer were some of my favorite house show matches that were brought to my attention via 24/7. They were great. Barry is getting offense! Disco wins with a spinning neck breaker. Well, okay.
Randy Savage comes to the ring. Eventually. His music played for a good 2 minutes before he came out. He's ready to fight tonight and wants HOGAN. TONIGHT! That bald headed reject from the glue factory primadonna. I like when Hogan and Savage throw bald insults at each other. It's so ridiculous. They both have been bald since the 70s.
Kidman vs Juventud Guerrera
Again? Seriously? Come on, guys. Kidman bails to the floor, but Juvi does a big splash and smacks his head on the ground. I really thought Juvi reversed a powerbomb, but I guess Kidman did a facebuster. I couldn't tell until Kidman got up and I thought it was a bizzare way to sell that move. He comes off the top, but Juvi catches him with a drop kick. Springboard cross body only gets a 2 count. Reversals and bridges lead up to a SPIKE Juvi Driver. Kidman distracts the ref and Reese hits the double chokeslam. SSP for the win. Reese carries Juvi out like a baby.
Bischoff comes to the ring on a motorcycle. He's an American Bad Ass! Oh shit, he's talking about Vince McMahon! Now he's talking about X-Pac. "Bite me. I apologize to no one." Shots fired. He challenges Vince McMahon to a match at Slamboree. Lol. I'd love to see them have a shoot fight. Even with Bischoff's training, I'm pretty sure Vince would rip him apart, even today.
Alex Wright tries to dance with the Nitro Girls, again. They should just make him the first male Nitro Girl. There are some basketball teams that have had male cheerleaders.
Yuji Nagata vs Scott Norton
Blue Justice! Even though he was black and gold in WCW. This seems like the kind of match that could be good due to their Japanese styles. Yuji was mostly put up against guys who he clashed with hilariously, so a guy who he actually matches up with could be fun. Yuji hits a belly to belly, kind of, and then a kick combo ending in a gamenguri. Norton just runs through Yuji. Backdropdivaahh. Shoulder breaker. Not much work for Norton. Sonny Ono seemed to be happy for Norton.
Recap of Perfect joining the Wolfpac.
Hugh Morrus vs Jim Powers
Hugh wins in like 40 seconds.
We were about to go to break, but the Wolfpac come out through the crowd and they decide to stick with it. It's not even the full group. It's just Nash and Konnan. He talks about Hogan and Bischoff needing Viagra and stuff. He wants Hogan to come out and admit that Nash is bigger, stronger, younger, and sexier. And also to admit that Nash's nWo is the real one. "I know for a fact, Hogan, that you don't sit around your house listening to Mac 10." Lol. This was to illustrate that Hogan was too white to use "too sweet" and "4 life".
Ultimo Dragon vs Johnny Swinger
SO many jobbers on this show. Chavo comes out. Another jobber. Jobbers everywhere. Dragon hits the ugliest spinning rana you'll ever see and wins with the Dragon Sleeper. Chavo congratulates Dragon, which brings Eddie out. They argue and Chavo shoves him down. Eddie begs Chavo to hit him, but Dragon put the sleeper on Eddie. Chavo pulled him off.
Dusty Rhodes comes out. Haven't seen him for quite a while. He's come here to filibuster. He says Hogan and Bischoff are eating at the table Dusty set. He talks about offering a young Hall shelter from the storm and how he became the coolest dude on the planet. He says Hall will be at the PPV and tells Savage to stop bitching. He seems to be telling both sides to STFU, but this was a great short Dusty rant.
Goldberg vs Glen Denton(?) WCW US Championship
Ultra squash considering this dude was a jobber even by WCW jobber standards. JOBBERS ERRYWHERE. 83 and 0. What? Pretty sure Raven was win 75. I don't think he's 8 matches in 3 weeks. Especially since Thunder hasn't even been on.
TO THE MEAN GENE. He's bringing out JJ and Raven. Apparently, Raven has filed a grievance. JJ makes it known he doesn't like Raven personally, but agrees that he may have breached Raven's contract by allowing for an unsafe work environment. WCW will provide 4 riot officers to protect Raven at all times. Lol. He brings them and the Flock out. He challenges DDP to a Bowery Death Match for Slamboree. He also asks for Saturn to come out. Even though Hammer won the loser leaves Flock match, they kick Hammer out anyway. Jerry Flynn runs in and attacks Saturn.
Jerry Flynn vs Saturn
This started pretty weird since the Flock and security were in the ring when Flynn attacked and just stood there. Saturn wins in a hurry with the DVD.
Fit Finlay vs Robbie Rage WCW TV Championship
I predict Finlay to hit this muscled up freak really hard at least once. Finlay mostly dominated. Then the other Voltage guy tried to interfere, but Booker stopped him. Finlay hit the tombstone to retain. Then that RACIST Benoit came out to brawl with Book. Then JJ came out. He says that both guys had individual matches tonight, but they are canceled and will face each other tonight with the winner to face Finlay at the PPV. But Tony announced at the beginning of the show that Book vs Benoit would happen tonight.
Larry Lane vs DDP
Man. I'm just here for the Kanyon Cutter. Give this JOBBER a Kanyon Cutter. Bang him. DDP is going to bang Larry Lane! And there it is, avalanche Kanyon Cutter! BANG! Went well this this beer and t-bone I'm having at 5:42 AM because I AM A MAN. DDP calls Raven out. He comes to the top of the ramp with his riot squad and goes to the back like a pussy.
Hogan, Bischoff, Beefcoke, Virgil, and Crush come to the ring. Hogan is sans mustache, but still has the stubble, and he looks fucking weird. It's one thing for him to be without the mustache in a movie, but in a ring and in his wrestling gear is too weird. It's story time with the champ. He claims that Hall and Nash needed him and would be nothing without him. Beefcoke is also missing his beard. He calls Nash out, and Nash comes to the ring. The first thing he says is something making fun of Hulk's woman glasses. Hulk comes back with a dress joke, and Nash wants to know why Hulk was checking him out. A lot of sexual tension on these shows between Hogan and Nash, Hogan and Savage, and DDP and everyone. Hulk says he's got a big gun...and out comes THE GIANT in an nWo shirt! SWERVE. "OH MY GOD". Giant attacks and spray paints Nash. I'd really love to hear the explanation on why Giant joined the nWo. The rest of the Wolfpac come out, except for Perfect, who has been a no show since he joined the group. Now we have a stand off. I guess.
A weird Twix commercial airs that was the scene from Frankenstein where he throws the little girl in the water. SPOILERS. Suck it. It's 80 years old. Except the monster had Twix and the girl said he should share because he has two, so he rips his arm off. Wat.
Recap of Jericho's escapades last week.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene has Jericho in the ring. Jericho talks about all the things he's taken, including Rey's knee. He wants to retire the title since no one can beat him. JJ comes out and says that is premature, because the booking committee has booked a 15 man cruiserweight battle royal with the winner facing Jericho at Slamboree. Chris is at first upset, but then realizes it is a good deal for him. Joe Malenko comes to the ring. Jericho insists everything was in jest. He then attacks with the dummy leg.
Sick Boy vs Glacier
Unover heel vs unover heel. And they're both JOBBERS. Monday Night JOBBERS. Sick Boy is wearing some Austin level of short shorts. They botch stuff so bad that the crowd boos and Tony asks what is going on. Saturn runs out and superkicks Glacier, throwing Sick Boy on top of him for the win. Oh. No, it was only a two count, even though the bell rang. They get up and Glacier hits a super kick for the win. What a weird fucking finish. Saturn comes back in and lays Glacier out again.
Recap of the Steiner stuff from last week.
TO THE MEAN GENE. He brings out Lex. Fack. Lex is talking about some buddy of his who had to have shoulder surgery because of you know who...I assume he was talking about Scott Steiner, but I don't know which guy who has been injured besides Buff.
Booker T vs Chris Benoit
Tenay makes an announcement from the PENTAGON. Apparently, Nitro is the most popular thing to service men in Saudi Arabia. There must be a winner in this match and that winner will face Finlay at the PPV. Benoit got a hair cut! I bet it was by a racist barber. He goes to town with chops and kicks. Racist chops and kicks. Because Chris Benoit is a racist. Possibly the most racist wrestler to ever live. He's an embarrassment to the sport and I don't blame WWE for not putting him on DVDs when they can avoid it. Booker comes back for a bit until Benoit hits the Reich suplex. Then a snap suplex. Neither guy can get sustained offense. Booker rips his dick on the ropes. Much like Hall trying to do the Razor's Edge near the ropes, I'll never understand why Book goes for the Harlem side kick right next to the ropes. It never works. Diving headbutt. Ax kick. Spinewalk slam. Pankcake Norton. Spinarooni. Benoit tries to throw the ref into a kick, but Mark Curtis is a worker and knows better. But this let Benoit lock on the Iron Crossface for the win. Benoit vs Finlay this Sunday.
Hollywood Hogan vs Randy Savage WCW Championship
Tony keeps talking about how big of a deal this is because it is nWo vs nWo, even though this match already happened as nWo vs nWo and Konnan vs Crush was nWo vs nWo. Buffer's intros were so over the top and ridiculous. So wordy. Why couldn't Hogan have been the one to die instead of Savage? I mean, I don't really wish death on Hulk Hogan, but if the choice came down to Hogan or Savage, I'd pick Hogan to die every time. But also, fuck this match. No one wants to see Hogan actually wrestle. They want to see him get beat up, but not have actual matches. Especially slow, boring matches that he dominates and makes a clearly superior wrestler look like a chump. There was never a point in time where Hogan was better than Savage at anything. Even now, I'm pretty sure the skeleton of Randy Savage would be a better GM, booker, and wrestler than Hogan. Bret comes out and hits Savage with the title. Then spits on him and gets hit with a drink. Hogan makes the cover and retains. Nash comes out, followed by Piper. He declares Savage the winner by DQ. But you can't win the title on a DQ, so who gives a shit. He says he'll be the ref for Savage vs Hart. Giant comes out, while Piper is talking about the A&E special and Viagra.