Best of luck, Scorcho. [Sadly passed. RIP, Scorcho.]

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Yeah, of course. But I think I'd just like him to hold on to the chance that he'll pull through.

I'd like to see him stick around and keep posting. Keep living.
 
I'd like to think you'll fight it through, because maybe things can turn around. That's what I hope for!

I know it isn't easy, but I wish that you'll recover.
 
scorcho said:
I'm tired of this already. I'm contemplating calling it quits once my girlfriend leaves this weekend. Don't know if I should tell her or not. It's something we've discussed in the past and she's expressed her position.

Ultimately, it's mine. And at this moment I can't see how I can let this go on that much longer.
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First, thank you for your updates. I know they must be difficult to put together at this point. But I'm grateful for them.

I hope this isn't too grim, but it does sound like you are entering the endgame. I hope that's not the case, and you pull through.

Do what you need to do, in any case, with the small comfort that you'll have endured above and beyond what is reasonable. The bravery that you are exhibiting is something I doubt I will ever come close approximating at any point in my life. You've got a strength I can only but admire, through tears. Given how much you've enriched NeoGAF I am sure you've been an incredible person to know in life.

I won't say goodbye, because you're going to keep posting. Thanks for the updates. Keep'em coming.
 
Scorcho, do you have favorite charities or causes? Out of frustration for not being able to do anything else to help you, I'd like to donate a little to them.
 
Just caught wind of this.

Man, scorcho, I feel for you.

Do what you need to do, in peace and in good conscience.

FWIW, your avatar always made me smile.
 
Scorcho, you've taught me a lot about what it means to have strength and be a man through adversity. I won't pretend to know your thoughts here, but in my little guy I know on the net way, I will miss you. So at least consider fighting on.

Now that I've typed that and re-read it, it sounds so selfish.

Only you know what you can take. I just know what I hope for, man.


Wow... *tears*
 
scorcho said:
I'm tired of this already. I'm contemplating calling it quits once my girlfriend leaves this weekend. Don't know if I should tell her or not. It's something we've discussed in the past and she's expressed her position.

Ultimately, it's mine. And at this moment I can't see how I can let this go on that much longer.
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I knew someone in a similar situation. Years of treatment, always on the brink. He is no longer with us.

I talked to him during his final days, and he told me that he was tired. He discussed his decision with friends. Some respected and understood his decision, some didin't.

I was very, very angry at first, but I understood his decision later on. I got to know this person because both of shared the same illness. One day I'll have to make a similar decision, and I will probably follow him.

I hope I'm not coming off as an asshole cold-hearted person. I know giving hope is the 'normal' thing to do, but the toll that this takes on you is incredible.

As others have said, the decision is ultimately yours. It is in no way selfish to do what is best for yourself.

Keep us updated friend.
 
Ah, God dammit. Not another gaffer, good Jesus.

Schorcho, I know my words might not be comforting for you, but I dearly hope that you can go through this. Please, don't ever think you should die, because you shouldn't, always, always keep hope and faith, because that's what going to get you forward.

Best of luck, and God bless you.
 
I don't know you, Scorcho, but I'm sorry this has happened to you. You are super brave to be so positive, even in such adversity.

Keep fighting! I know everyone on GAF is wishing you the best. You can do this.

<3
 
Jesus.. thanks for updating us. I'll just say that my feelings pretty closely mirror those of the other posters on this new page.

GAF needs it's own Make-A-Wish. I'd hate to hear that you went without a crazy experience to sign off on. Either way, keep it real like you have been. Keep on updating us.

Edit: ;_; IRL
 
Keep fighting Scorcho. It sucks your mom is in somewhat of a denial over your condition, but as humans we all have a different way of handling tough situations like this. That's awesome you were able to spend some time with your girlfriend this weekend and you're going to see her again very soon. Sounds like you have a good support group of friends helping you out right now as well which is pretty neat.

Oh and get excited about tomorrow night's presidential debate...there should be some fireworks.
 
I wish I had something more comforting to say, scorcho. Whatever you choose is the right decision.

Even though I'm agnostic, I'm praying for you.
 
scorcho said:
I'm tired of this already. I'm contemplating calling it quits once my girlfriend leaves this weekend. Don't know if I should tell her or not. It's something we've discussed in the past and she's expressed her position.

Ultimately, it's mine. And at this moment I can't see how I can let this go on that much longer.
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I think you need to tell her what you just told us about your current quality of life. :(
 
scorcho said:
I'm tired of this already. I'm contemplating calling it quits once my girlfriend leaves this weekend. Don't know if I should tell her or not. It's something we've discussed in the past and she's expressed her position.

Ultimately, it's mine. And at this moment I can't see how I can let this go on that much longer.
Click to expand...

I wish I could write, with the thoughts in my head, in a way that would help you rest easier at night. I'm not so eloquent with words, but I want you to know that your journey in fighting this battle is an incredible inspiration to me and others.
 
Noirulus said:
I wish I could write, with the thoughts in my head, in a way that would help you rest easier at night. I'm not so eloquent with words, but I want you to know that your journey in fighting this battle is an incredible inspiration to me and others.
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Whatever happens Scorcho, this is what I'm taking away from all of this. I recently had to fly out to NYC to visit my sister in the hospital due to her suffering a manic episode. We had to move all of of her things back home and I've had to endure a lot of shit on my mom's behalf since she didn't understand my sister's condition and lashed out in frustration. It was a pretty miserable time to be honest, but through all of it, I tried to keep my cool because I knew that somewhere in NY, you were fighting a hell of a battle, just to hang on. I'll always think, I've never had to look fear in the eye like Scorcho; never had to endure the impossible and maintain hope through it all. Whatever happens man, you fought valiantly, and that's damned admirable. Here's to hoping some miracle heads your way soon
 
scorcho said:
I'm tired of this already. I'm contemplating calling it quits once my girlfriend leaves this weekend. Don't know if I should tell her or not. It's something we've discussed in the past and she's expressed her position.

Ultimately, it's mine. And at this moment I can't see how I can let this go on that much longer.
Click to expand...

You have to do what is right for you. Anyone else is in no position to be judging. I know it is hard to feel like you are inflicting pain on those you love and who love you, but as someone who has watched family members hang on as long as they could, you have to do what YOU need. Those who love you will understand. They won't like it, but they will still love you.

Ah shit, you are already tough as fucking nails for going this far man, and you have an awesome avatar, that earns you enough points to say fuck everyone anyway :)

Keep us updated, if you want.
 
Got to agree with most people on this page. I have a huge amount of respect for what you've been through already and the way you write about it. No one but you is in a position to judge where you should go from here.
 
Thank you all for the warm words, but I see little upside for me left - just increasing levels of pain warded off by doses of morphine that would essentially deform me. There's a lot of self-misery in this; I don't know how much longer I have or even if this treatment is working. For all I know this pill could reduce the tumors enough such that I could get off this oxygen therapy machine and move about freely. Like someone who isn't tied down to tanks of oxygen.

Or pigs could begin flying backwards into my bum. I want to see how I feel this weekend. Take a nice, long walk with her by my side again. It's been some time since that's happened.

I'm just tired of the daily grind of pain that I've endured for months. Some days are better than others, but on the whole it's all been on a giant negative slope. I've become the embodiment of that Louie CK skit where every day he gets up is going to be worse than the previous day. I've hit that stage. Possibly.

I'll talk to her this weekend about it, although I might not. For all of you saying I'm brave, I'm really not. To be brave I would've ended my life eons ago. To endure like this, to lose a sense of my own humanity - this is weak. I'm too afraid to die suddenly so I've allowed my quality of life to slowly slip away to where it is now. So no, I don't consider myself brave. Far from it. I'm complacent.

interesting scorcho facts - I was at WTC during 9/11.

I wish I could re-edit parts of that piece, but I hadn't slept that night and was still on a kick of adrenaline and fear. The red and blue streaming up WTC that day? That's bravery. Not some twenty-something year old strapped to an IV bag. I rarely acknowledge I was at WTC during 9/11 whenever the anniversary rolls around. I've so successfully compartmentalized what I saw that day in my mind that I've never even left the Financial District when it came to my job; my post-graduation AmeriCorps*VISTA placement was at a non-profit blocks from Battery Park, and the organization I've worked for since is located a few blocks off Wall St.

More ramblings - That picture accompanying the article was taken during my high school prom. Pre-cancer scorcho/Dave was a handsome motherfucker. I may write in broad, depressing brush strokes now, but it's impossible for this. Pre-cancer Dave was a god among men who lacked only in self-confidence.
 
I'll pray you get back up on your feet brother.

Hope you find peace and solace whatever form it takes.

EDIT: Fuck, that 9/11 piece is great.
 
Not really sure what to say to that except that I think you're selling yourself short. Most people completely fall apart when they have to deal with much less severe illnesses yet it seems like you're able to face the reality head on. Then again, what would I know. I'm just going off your posts on here. Anyway, all the best to you.
 
scorcho said:
Thank you all for the warm words, but I see little upside for me left - just increasing levels of pain warded off by doses of morphine that would essentially deform me. There's a lot of self-misery in this; I don't know how much longer I have or even if this treatment is working. For all I know this pill could reduce the tumors enough such that I could get off this oxygen therapy machine and move about freely. Like someone who isn't tied down to tanks of oxygen.

Or pigs could begin flying backwards into my bum. I want to see how I feel this weekend. Take a nice, long walk with her by my side again. It's been some time since that's happened.

I'm just tired of the daily grind of pain that I've endured for months. Some days are better than others, but on the whole it's all been on a giant negative slope. I've become the embodiment of that Louie CK skit where every day he gets up is going to be worse than the previous day. I've hit that stage. Possibly.

I'll talk to her this weekend about it, although I might not. For all of you saying I'm brave, I'm really not. To be brave I would've ended my life eons ago. To endure like this, to lose a sense of my own humanity - this is weak. I'm too afraid to die suddenly so I've allowed my quality of life to slowly slip away to where it is now. So no, I don't consider myself brave. Far from it. I'm complacent.
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Man, fuck that noise. Bravery has many forms, but it is almost always doing something you don't want to in the face of fear. Can't think of a better description for your actions than bravery.

If you have doubts about whether it is time to stop, that just means it isn't time yet. After talking with your loved ones that may change, and that is absolutely fine, but it sounds like it isn't time to quit just yet. Know that no matter what you choose it will be your choice that matters, not what someone else thinks of it.

schorco said:
interesting scorcho facts - I was at WTC during 9/11.

I wish I could re-edit parts of that piece, but I hadn't slept that night and was still on a kick of adrenaline and fear. The red and blue streaming up WTC that day? That's bravery. Not some twenty-something year old strapped to an IV bag. I rarely acknowledge I was at WTC during 9/11 whenever the anniversary rolls around. I've so successfully compartmentalized what I saw that day in my mind that I've never even left the Financial District when it came to my job; my post-graduation AmeriCorps*VISTA placement was at a non-profit blocks from Battery Park, and the organization I've worked for since is located a few blocks off Wall St.

More ramblings - That picture accompanying the article was taken during my high school prom. Pre-cancer scorcho/Dave was a handsome motherfucker. I may write in broad, depressing brush strokes now, but it's impossible for this. Pre-cancer Dave was a god among men who lacked only in self-confidence.
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As I said man, bravery comes in many forms. Don't discount what you are doing just because you are not fitting the movie cliché of bravery. Thanks for sharing the link too, didn't know any Gaffers were there that day. Great read.

But really man, the main thing I want to tell you is make the decision you think is right, and that you have nothing to prove to anyone. Nothing at all.

Best wishes man.

Edit: And yeah, that you are a handsome motherfucker. Jerk.

Edit2: Also, this:

579259_538113696214062_1635043240_n.jpg
 
Scorcho, what's your gaming bucket list?

What games did you always want to play but never got around to? Why not leave a list on here, with your details, and maybe we can all get together and gift you some titles if they're d/d games, or snail mail you games we're done with for you to play.

What say you, GAF?
 
I appreciate it, but I can't even concentrate on clearing my already massive Steam library of games that I've barely played. Also, I prefer reading when I can right now since the constant chemo and, sigh, a one-week binge of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo have stunted my cognitive abilities.

I wish I could buy time instead so I can whittle the list down :)

I'm considering charities for friends and relatives to donate to, and will update here when I've decided.

Again, I hope I'm months off from this. My body tells me otherwise, but that fucker has lied to me before. This thread really does read like the slow unraveling of a tiny man.
 
scorcho said:
I appreciate it, but I can't even concentrate on clearing my already massive Steam library of games that I've barely played. Also, I prefer reading when I can right now since the constant chemo and, sigh, a one-week binge of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo have stunted my cognitive abilities.

I wish I could buy time instead so I can whittle the list down :)

I'm considering charities for friends and relatives to donate to, and will update here when I've decided.

Again, I hope I'm months off from this. My body tells me otherwise, but that fucker has lied to me before. This thread really does read like the slow unraveling of a tiny man.
Click to expand...

While you may see it as an "unraveling", it's pretty obvious to everyone here that you have an inner strength most of us could only dream of having. You're anything but a tiny man, scorcho.
 
scorcho said:
Thank you all for the warm words, but I see little upside for me left - just increasing levels of pain warded off by doses of morphine that would essentially deform me. There's a lot of self-misery in this; I don't know how much longer I have or even if this treatment is working. For all I know this pill could reduce the tumors enough such that I could get off this oxygen therapy machine and move about freely. Like someone who isn't tied down to tanks of oxygen.

Or pigs could begin flying backwards into my bum. I want to see how I feel this weekend. Take a nice, long walk with her by my side again. It's been some time since that's happened.

I'm just tired of the daily grind of pain that I've endured for months. Some days are better than others, but on the whole it's all been on a giant negative slope. I've become the embodiment of that Louie CK skit where every day he gets up is going to be worse than the previous day. I've hit that stage. Possibly.

I'll talk to her this weekend about it, although I might not. For all of you saying I'm brave, I'm really not. To be brave I would've ended my life eons ago. To endure like this, to lose a sense of my own humanity - this is weak. I'm too afraid to die suddenly so I've allowed my quality of life to slowly slip away to where it is now. So no, I don't consider myself brave. Far from it. I'm complacent.

interesting scorcho facts - I was at WTC during 9/11.

I wish I could re-edit parts of that piece, but I hadn't slept that night and was still on a kick of adrenaline and fear. The red and blue streaming up WTC that day? That's bravery. Not some twenty-something year old strapped to an IV bag. I rarely acknowledge I was at WTC during 9/11 whenever the anniversary rolls around. I've so successfully compartmentalized what I saw that day in my mind that I've never even left the Financial District when it came to my job; my post-graduation AmeriCorps*VISTA placement was at a non-profit blocks from Battery Park, and the organization I've worked for since is located a few blocks off Wall St.

More ramblings - That picture accompanying the article was taken during my high school prom. Pre-cancer scorcho/Dave was a handsome motherfucker. I may write in broad, depressing brush strokes now, but it's impossible for this. Pre-cancer Dave was a god among men who lacked only in self-confidence.
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This would be closer to how I would handle your situation.

Bulbo Urethral Baggins said:
While you may see it as an "unraveling", it's pretty obvious to everyone here that you have an inner strength most of us could only dream of having. You're anything but a tiny man, scorcho.
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This.
 
Scorcho, thanks for talking through your experience with such deliberate effort to describe the psychic experience. I feel privileged that I am able to somehow feel connected to someone in New York City whom I've never met but through the messages on an anonymous message board.

Whether you think of yourself as brave or not, you're confronting a possibility that many of us have the luxury to ignore and you're doing so directly, without apology or masks. That, to me, is bravery.

We all must confront our finitude. Your writing of yours is helping me to confront mine. I'm thinking of you and hoping for the best.
 
scorcho said:
I appreciate it, but I can't even concentrate on clearing my already massive Steam library of games that I've barely played.
Click to expand...

Nothing out of the ordinary there!


Also, I prefer reading when I can right now since the constant chemo and, sigh, a one-week binge of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo have stunted my cognitive abilities.
Click to expand...

What are ya reading?

I wish I could buy time instead so I can whittle the list down :)
Click to expand...

A good takeaway from this would be for those of us lucky enough to have our health to take advantage of that. Far too often we take time for granted - I'm very much guilty of this. It's a cliched notion, but true.


I'm considering charities for friends and relatives to donate to, and will update here when I've decided.
Click to expand...

Excellent.

Again, I hope I'm months off from this. My body tells me otherwise, but that fucker has lied to me before. This thread really does read like the slow unraveling of a tiny man.
Click to expand...

Please don't read it as some sort of eulogy or a "liveblog" of your passing. Your condition may be worsening, but I wouldn't consider this to be an unraveling. Despite what you say about bravery, you're showing a shitload of courage by fighting. You detailing your posts about your struggle deciding your next move and keeping us informed is extremely courageous. For a tiny man you've got a big pair - certainly bigger than mine.

Only you will know if and when it's time to move on. I'm not a man of faith, but I'm praying this medication can turn things around for ya. I'm also praying that if you should pass, it's on your call and not cancer's.
 
scorcho said:
Thank you all for the warm words, but I see little upside for me left - just increasing levels of pain warded off by doses of morphine that would essentially deform me. There's a lot of self-misery in this; I don't know how much longer I have or even if this treatment is working. For all I know this pill could reduce the tumors enough such that I could get off this oxygen therapy machine and move about freely. Like someone who isn't tied down to tanks of oxygen.

Or pigs could begin flying backwards into my bum. I want to see how I feel this weekend. Take a nice, long walk with her by my side again. It's been some time since that's happened.

I'm just tired of the daily grind of pain that I've endured for months. Some days are better than others, but on the whole it's all been on a giant negative slope. I've become the embodiment of that Louie CK skit where every day he gets up is going to be worse than the previous day. I've hit that stage. Possibly.

I'll talk to her this weekend about it, although I might not. For all of you saying I'm brave, I'm really not. To be brave I would've ended my life eons ago. To endure like this, to lose a sense of my own humanity - this is weak. I'm too afraid to die suddenly so I've allowed my quality of life to slowly slip away to where it is now. So no, I don't consider myself brave. Far from it. I'm complacent.

interesting scorcho facts - I was at WTC during 9/11.

I wish I could re-edit parts of that piece, but I hadn't slept that night and was still on a kick of adrenaline and fear. The red and blue streaming up WTC that day? That's bravery. Not some twenty-something year old strapped to an IV bag. I rarely acknowledge I was at WTC during 9/11 whenever the anniversary rolls around. I've so successfully compartmentalized what I saw that day in my mind that I've never even left the Financial District when it came to my job; my post-graduation AmeriCorps*VISTA placement was at a non-profit blocks from Battery Park, and the organization I've worked for since is located a few blocks off Wall St.

More ramblings - That picture accompanying the article was taken during my high school prom. Pre-cancer scorcho/Dave was a handsome motherfucker. I may write in broad, depressing brush strokes now, but it's impossible for this. Pre-cancer Dave was a god among men who lacked only in self-confidence.
Click to expand...

Also, in your BBC article, you mention being right beneath the towers collapsing and the dust clouds (nearly) enveloping you, has there been any attempt to correlate your otherwise "very rare" cancer with that event? I've read so many stories about people who lived "down wind" of the WTC or who were at the event but survived later getting cancer from having inhaled the truly noxious shit they in making those buildings. Maybe this point is obvious, but I hadn't seen you mention the connection in your previous posts.
 
I guess it's easy for someone like me to scream motivation and tell you to have to keep fighting, but I can't even begin to understand what you are going through and have gone through. I hope you can find a reason to keep fighting and hopefully maintain some quality of life that will make you want to go on. Everyone here is right behind you!
 
Fight that fucking cancer man! Kick it in the fucking balls!

I just wanna say I salute your bravery and you have my admiration for the fight.
 
scorcho... no matter what you might think, you're a fighter with balls the size of fucking Olympus Mons.

For you to have the calm and presence of mind to, by the looks of it, fairly calmly dissect what this does to you mentally and physically requires real courage. To not avert your eyes, but staring it down... I have a family and personal history of cancer, and it's a real mindfuck. You're showing remarkable mental endurance.

Whatever else all of it is, it's a real inspiration, the way you're handling this. Keep fighting, brother.
 
I know it might not comfort you, but people sometimes feel like they are in the worst imaginable spot, that they can't imagine going on like this. Sometimes it's for health reasons, sometimes it's psychological such as with depression. But one thing is certain, it is only once it is behind us that we can realize that we could go on; only after it becomes just a memory of a certain time in our life when we were in a situation we felt we couldn't go through further do we get the real perspective on what happened. When people are hurt or depressed, it is normal that they cannot have this perspective easily.

So I think it is possible that in your case this is such a situation, and that it will become just a memory of a difficult moment you had in your life.

There are a lot of young cancer survivors out there, I think you'll be one of them:)
 
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