Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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That is a good thing. You're getting rid of the ones who probably wouldn't want to meet you in the first place. It's a great threshold test.
 
WolfeTone said:
I hate when that happens. It's very frustrating, especially if you've been talking a while.

How exactly are you asking them to meet up? Are you being specific? In my experience I have much more success when I ask "Do you want to meet on Tuesday at 6pm in front of Local Coffee Shop?" instead of "Would you like to meet up sometime?"

Even with that though, some girls will just vanish once asked.
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I'm not like asking in a Limerick or anything it's pretty straightforward stuff. I'm sure there's something I'm doing wrong though.
 
peanutbutterlatte said:
I'm not like asking in a Limerick or anything it's pretty straightforward stuff. I'm sure there's something I'm doing wrong though.
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Would agree with Zackie when he says these girls were probably never going to meet you in the first place. Asking them stops you from wasting more of your time.

How long are you typically talking to these girls before you ask?
 
Lone_Prodigy said:
I think they do try to get you to pay. I remember my daily matches were nice, but "average" girls, while the discovery options were more attractive and successful. The girl I'm dating now was one of the discovery ones.

There's also the possibility that your area is too small or your details and interests are too ambiguous.
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Yeah, discovery ones are great, others are shit but the threshold is too high. So if you have no beans (which take forever to earn). It would cost you $8 per like since it's $2 for 100 beans. One like with a super small shot of success costs you $8. That's absurd.
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
Yeah, discovery ones are great, others are shit but the threshold is too high. So if you have no beans (which take forever to earn). It would cost you $8 per like since it's $2 for 100 beans. One like with a super small shot of success costs you $8. That's absurd.
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Dating like mobile gacha games confirmed. I just need one more pull!
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
Yeah, discovery ones are great, others are shit but the threshold is too high. So if you have no beans (which take forever to earn). It would cost you $8 per like since it's $2 for 100 beans. One like with a super small shot of success costs you $8. That's absurd.
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I paid $20 for a bunch of beans and didn't get much traction from those discoveries. Never again!
 
I'm using Tinder, TanTan and Happn right now. I'm all about the low effort dating apps. I get the most success on Tinder presumably due to the amount of traffic. I've had one TanTan date in two months and no other interesting conversations. I may as well not use Happn.

Might give Coffee Meets Bagel and Bumble a shot if they're somewhat different.
 
Lone_Prodigy said:
I think they do try to get you to pay. I remember my daily matches were nice, but "average" girls, while the discovery options were more attractive and successful. The girl I'm dating now was one of the discovery ones.

There's also the possibility that your area is too small or your details and interests are too ambiguous.
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Yeah, that's the one thing I hate about CMB: it thinks the matches it sets you up with are good but when you hear "beer, coffee, roomies, hang out with friends, 9-5" for the umpteenth time, it gets boring. I think that's part of the reason why I don't hit off with average girls I've met: they're too vanilla for lack of a better word. That's more or less the average New Yorker girl.

Then again as you mentioned a few posts before, the girls that do stand out and are going against the grain are the ones I've met through volunteering/working at cons. Too bad I don't get girls' numbers who I hit it off with since I forget to flirt.
peanutbutterlatte said:
Hahaahaha literally every girl I'm talking to goes silent once I ask to meet up

I hate my life
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Hey, it happens to everyone. It just happened to me a few days ago after attempting to meet up and got no reply so I deleted the number/texts and moved on and it's gonna happen more times.

Also, 90% of the matches I got from Bumble in the past week stopped replying after the first reply or two. It's worth following up with them again.

Heck, some of the girls I've gotten matched up with on Bumble never messaged me and let the 24 hours expire.
WolfeTone said:
I'm using Tinder, TanTan and Happn right now. I'm all about the low effort dating apps. I get the most success on Tinder presumably due to the amount of traffic. I've had one TanTan date in two months and no other interesting conversations. I may as well not use Happn.

Might give Coffee Meets Bagel and Bumble a shot if they're somewhat different.
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Me personally, I have a higher track record on OKC in terms of getting dates because I have a well written profile and will once in a while get an unsolicited message on my hair. Bumble has been hit or miss for me. Getting back into Tinder 2 weeks ago, I'm meeting up with a girl tomorrow; the rest of my matches ignored my message.
 
Aiustis said:
Been studying plus depression. tbh I don't even know if I should be trying to date if I'm depressed.
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Regular human interaction is good when you are depressed. So something like online dating. Even the occasional meet up can be good for someone's emotional health. However if it ever goes from being fun to making you actively feel bad. It's best to stop straight away

I almost exclusively online date when I'm depressed. When I'm not I'm too busy doing other things to worry
 
Cudder said:
Cringe. Also, you shouldn't be asking her how she's doing every day, after someone's she's close to has died. You're more than likely just reminding her about it everyday when she's trying to keep her mind off it and move on. Tell her you're sorry for her loss, and if she needs someone to talk to you're there for her, and drop it.
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That's just how we start or conversations. How are you doing, How is your day going ect..
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
Have people had success with coffee meets bagel? The terrible suggestions and how few they give you per day seem pointless. Seems like it's impossible to match with how stingy they are with likes and matching.
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Met my first girl from there last Sunday and we have another date scheduled for tomorrow. I've only known her a couple of weeks but so far she seems pretty cool.
 
So, my relationship is continuing its rollercoaster trajectory. Little problems keep appearing, and I'm not sure if we're going to be able to work through them. She's incredibly sensitive about "snapping," which I tried to explain was a normal human reaction, but she disagrees. (I never raise my voice. I indulge in sarcasm. I say things that I wouldn't if I weren't frustrated.) It's something that I want to work on, because whenever I make a comment that, admittedly, I wouldn't ideally make, it poisons the entire evening.

I've no real idea what's going to happen: when things are good, they're very good. A lot really depends on whether I can succeed at regulating emotions. I just don't know -- I'm learning a lot about myself and about relationships, so it's a net positive experience, and that's why I'm sticking with it.
 
I do the same shit with the , and it has poisoned relationships before. I know I get easily frustrated. Wish I could change that - been working on it.
 
Advocatus Diaboli said:
So, my relationship is continuing its rollercoaster trajectory. Little problems keep appearing, and I'm not sure if we're going to be able to work through them. She's incredibly sensitive about "snapping," which I tried to explain was a normal human reaction, but she disagrees. (I never raise my voice. I indulge in sarcasm. I say things that I wouldn't if I weren't frustrated.) It's something that I want to work on, because whenever I make a comment that, admittedly, I wouldn't ideally make, it poisons the entire evening.

I've no real idea what's going to happen: when things are good, they're very good. A lot really depends on whether I can succeed at regulating emotions. I just don't know -- I'm learning a lot about myself and about relationships, so it's a net positive experience, and that's why I'm sticking with it.
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If you mean snark and unnecessary meanness, then no... it's not a normal human reaction.
 
So I rounded up some statistics based on my time on OKC.

Time since I've registered: 3 years
Number of women I've messaged: 1,000+ (don't have a precise estimate as I've deleted much of my inbox over the years)
Number of women who have responded: 45
Number of women who I've actually actually met up with: 25
Number of women who I've met up with more than once: 5

Argh.
 
Oblivion said:
So I rounded up some statistics based on my time on OKC.

Time since I've registered: 3 years
Number of women I've messaged: 1,000+ (don't have a precise estimate as I've deleted much of my inbox over the years)
Number of women who have responded: 45
Number of women who I've actually actually met up with: 25
Number of women who I've met up with more than once: 5

Argh.
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Sounds about right 😬

Advocatus Diaboli said:
What's worked for you? I'm exploring zen meditation and other such aspects. It's hard to unlearn these things, but I really want to.
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Yeah, I don't know. I've just learned to relax a lot more and have eliminated a lot of stress from my life. When stress creeps back in, though, I revert to being a jerk again. Maybe I need to meditate as well. I'll report back :)
 
Kieli said:
If you mean snark and unnecessary meanness, then no... it's not a normal human reaction.
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Usually a bit of snark resulting from feeling defensive. But thank you - seriously - for pointing out that it's abnormal. Never meanness, and never more than one off handed comment, but it's enough to make things turn. For me, it's definitely something associated with stress or getting frustrated, as Zackie mentioned.
 
Advocatus Diaboli said:
Usually a bit of snark resulting from feeling defensive. But thank you - seriously - for pointing out that it's abnormal. Never meanness, and never more than one off handed comment, but it's enough to make things turn. For me, it's definitely something associated with stress or getting frustrated, as Zackie mentioned.
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With my close friends, we definitely rib on each other. But I think it's a bit different than reacting negatively when stressed. Usually in those instances, my buddies and I drop the jokes and try to help.
 
So this girl at work I've been planning on taking out for dinner has kept delaying our date.

First was because her sister had a baby, second because she was moving house.
The conclusion I've come to now is that she doesn't want to go and make me have to pay for her because she has no money.
She's mentioned a couple times now how she has to buy things like a washing machine for the new place which is destroying her budget seeing she only works like 10 hours a week thanks to uni.

But I have absolutely no problem with paying for her meal, and that's really the preferable option to me than waiting a few weeks for her to get everything sorted.

So I'm thinking of just texting her something like "Hey, we should definitely go out sometime this week, I know you need to buy things for your new place so it's my treat."

I'm not sure if that's the way to go though because I don't think she'd want to be relying on other people for money.

What do you guys think?
 
6 texts begging me to call her. Next time I listen to GAF. I can't. This is killing my social anxiety. I'm overstimulated as all hell: I just wanna play Hearthstone and Overwatch.
 
Benzychenz said:
So this girl at work I've been planning on taking out for dinner has kept delaying our date.
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She doesnt care about the money, and I hate to be blunt but she probably doesnt care about meeting you either. Constant excuses are just a delaying tactic because she has trouble saying no (probably because you work together) and she is hoping you'll get the hint.
 
Benzychenz said:
What do you guys think?
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She's not interested. Although its true that lots of girls like to pay for themselves, a girl that likes you will want you to be the gent and treat her. You can find your answer simply by not bringing the date up anymore, and then seeing if she ever brings it up herself.
 
bluethree said:
She doesnt care about the money, and I hate to be blunt but she probably doesnt care about meeting you either. Constant excuses are just a delaying tactic because she has trouble saying no (probably because you work together) and she is hoping you'll get the hint.
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You don't think you could be jumping to conclusions?
She really does seem interested and she was initially quite enthusiastic and flirty about it, before the various reasons she delayed it.

stn said:
She's not interested. Although its true that lots of girls like to pay for themselves, a girl that likes you will want you to be the gent and treat her. You can find your answer simply by not bringing the date up anymore, and then seeing if she ever brings it up herself.
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Yeah I thought about waiting for her to bring it up, but she's a bit shy and I'm worried that'll lead to just missing out due to her not having the courage to say anything.
 
Benzychenz said:
You don't think you could be jumping to conclusions?
She really does seem interested and she was initially quite enthusiastic and flirty about it, before the various reasons she delayed it.

Yeah I thought about waiting for her to bring it up, but she's a bit shy and I'm worried that'll lead to just missing out due to her not having the courage to say anything.
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Actually wanting to go on dates is a far better gauge of interest than anything else. If you're genuinely worried money is the issue (and she expects to pay), ask her out for something cheap. Pizza, gelato, walk in the park, for example.
 
Benzychenz said:
So this girl at work I've been planning on taking out for dinner has kept delaying our date.

First was because her sister had a baby, second because she was moving house.
The conclusion I've come to now is that she doesn't want to go and make me have to pay for her because she has no money.
She's mentioned a couple times now how she has to buy things like a washing machine for the new place which is destroying her budget seeing she only works like 10 hours a week thanks to uni.

But I have absolutely no problem with paying for her meal, and that's really the preferable option to me than waiting a few weeks for her to get everything sorted.

So I'm thinking of just texting her something like "Hey, we should definitely go out sometime this week, I know you need to buy things for your new place so it's my treat."

I'm not sure if that's the way to go though because I don't think she'd want to be relying on other people for money.

What do you guys think?
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I think she ain't interested in a date bruh. And a date doesn't even have to be dinner. Personally, I ain't trying to buy dinner for anyone on date one. Go do coffee and a walk or something simple. My friend just had a date with a girl where they walked the dog he was watching for a few hours lolol.

I think instead of constantly asking you just move on, stop messaging, just do your normal work thing. And if she initiates with you then you can maybe mention it again. But no one puts off a date they really want to go on because of money but doesn't offer an alternative.
 
Benzychenz said:
You don't think you could be jumping to conclusions?
She really does seem interested and she was initially quite enthusiastic and flirty about it, before the various reasons she delayed it.
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Actions speak louder than words. She is not going on dates with you, nor is she trying to suggest alternate dates or plans. Just because she　seems interested doesnt mean much if her actions say otherwise.
 
Regarding not having to do dinner. We work together weekends, and she has uni Mon-Fri, so 6pm onwards is the only time we can actually have a date, so grabbing a coffee or something isn't really an option.
But yeah, I could suggest a nice evening drive down the coast or something like that that doesn't cost anything (other than petrol).

I think I'm going to text her now and if I don't get anything then yes, I'll stop initiating and leave it up to her.
 
Benzychenz said:
Regarding not having to do dinner. We work together weekends, and she has uni Mon-Fri, so 6pm onwards is the only time we can actually have a date, so grabbing a coffee or something isn't really an option.
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I don't know any planet where if you meet someone after 6pm you have to get dinner. Maybe I'm just imagining all the dates I see people on in coffee shops later in the evening. Excuse my snark but, this is bullshit reasoning man. There is basically no reason you have to do dinner other than you want to (which is fine if that's how you wanna roll but don't flip it into anything other than that).

I think I'm going to text her now and if I don't get anything then yes, I'll stop initiating and leave it up to her.
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I mean one more message wont hurt but you work together, it should be obvious by now whether she wants to or not. This isn't like an online messaging thing where you get responses but the meet up is flaky. She sees you presumably every weekend, if you haven't made it happen yet don't you think there is a reason? You are way better off to just go ghost on this and see if she actually will initiate with you.
 
How long before the exclusive talk should be raised? I've been texting a girl for maybe 2 months now but we've only gone on 1 actual date bc schedules and living far away, I'm still seeing other people though.
 
I usually let the woman being it up. You shouldn't be thinking about it when you have only gone on one date.
 
Gotdatmoney said:
Exclusive with someone you've only been on 1 date with? Why?
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That's what I figured, I just feel like we've been talking for so long it might be brought up soon. I don't think she'd be thrilled to know I've been seeing other people recently.

I'd obviously wait for at least the 2nd or 3rd to being it up, just not sure what the proper method is here. I just don't want anyone to be hurt but I also wanna explore my "options" so to speak.
 
My girl is finishing university on Tuesday, so I decided to get her something small and cute (I'll me currently out of London so I will not be able to see her till weekend).

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00X7K0I16/

I really don't know what to write as the gift message though. I don't want to seem madly in love but I do want her to know I care about her a lot. My first version is this:

Congratulations *Name*! Your finally done!
I'm glad we met. Now celebrate and enjoy :-)
xxx
 
PsychoWARD23 said:
That's what I figured, I just feel like we've been talking for so long it might be brought up soon. I don't think she'd be thrilled to know I've been seeing other people recently.

I'd obviously wait for at least the 2nd or 3rd to being it up, just not sure what the proper method is here. I just don't want anyone to be hurt but I also wanna explore my "options" so to speak.
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Did you have sex on date one? At least before deciding to be exclusive you should have sex. Maybe the sex is turrible. If it was great mindblowing knock your socks off sex then I can see one date and two months of chatting and wanting to be exclusive, kind of.
 
Salamando said:
I've dated girls that'd break up with you over that.

Drop the "I'm glad we met", and you'd be good to go. Have either of you said "I love you" to the other yet?
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Nope; we care about each other; but I'm not gonna say I love you first. I might love her time will tell. Coincidentally she called me love lately.

Brake up over a small gift?
 
vern said:
Did you have sex on date one? At least before deciding to be exclusive you should have sex. Maybe the sex is turrible. If it was great mindblowing knock your socks off sex then I can see one date and two months of chatting and wanting to be exclusive, kind of.
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I personally don't want to be though, I just get the feeling she does/isn't seeing anyone else. But no, no sex yet but at least we're compatible with almost everything else so I'd hope it would be good.
 
Nilaul said:
Nope; we care about each other; but I'm not gonna say I love you first. I might love her time will tell. Coincidentally she called me love lately.

Brake up over a small gift?
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Ehhhhhh

😉

PsychoWARD23 said:
I personally don't want to be though, I just get the feeling she does/isn't seeing anyone else. But no, no sex yet but at least we're compatible with almost everything else so I'd hope it would be good.
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Then don't bring it up. Let her do it.
 
bluethree said:
She doesnt care about the money, and I hate to be blunt but she probably doesnt care about meeting you either. Constant excuses are just a delaying tactic because she has trouble saying no (probably because you work together) and she is hoping you'll get the hint.
Click to expand...

stn said:
She's not interested. Although its true that lots of girls like to pay for themselves, a girl that likes you will want you to be the gent and treat her. You can find your answer simply by not bringing the date up anymore, and then seeing if she ever brings it up herself.
Click to expand...

Salamando said:
Actually wanting to go on dates is a far better gauge of interest than anything else. If you're genuinely worried money is the issue (and she expects to pay), ask her out for something cheap. Pizza, gelato, walk in the park, for example.
Click to expand...

Gotdatmoney said:
I think she ain't interested in a date bruh. And a date doesn't even have to be dinner. Personally, I ain't trying to buy dinner for anyone on date one. Go do coffee and a walk or something simple. My friend just had a date with a girl where they walked the dog he was watching for a few hours lolol.

I think instead of constantly asking you just move on, stop messaging, just do your normal work thing. And if she initiates with you then you can maybe mention it again. But no one puts off a date they really want to go on because of money but doesn't offer an alternative.
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So I texted her and she replied to say sorry and that she hadn't been flaking but has just been super busy, she had to get an extension on a uni assignment and we'll go out as soon as she's finished.

This is the last time I come to GAF for dating advice :p
 
Benzychenz said:
So I texted her and she replied to say sorry and that she hadn't been flaking but has just been super busy, she had to get an extension on a uni assignment and we'll go out as soon as she's finished.

This is the last time I come to GAF for dating advice :p
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Still havent got your date though have you
 
Benzychenz said:
So I texted her and she replied to say sorry and that she hadn't been flaking but has just been super busy, she had to get an extension on a uni assignment and we'll go out as soon as she's finished.

This is the last time I come to GAF for dating advice :p
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So...you got another excuse?
 
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