WCW Monday Nitro 2/21/00
So guys, I'm thinking about doing screen caps and/or finding links to certain parts of the shows, even though that is a lot of extra work for stuff only 3 or 4 people actually read. What say you?
We are on the heels of Superbrawl, which saw Sid retain his title, Ric Flair defeat Terry Funk in a death match, the returns of Sting and Roddy Piper, TAFKAPI win Cruiserweight gold, Scott Hall's final WCW match, and Hulk Hogan's in return return in a win against Lex Luger.
TO THE BACK. Jeff Jarrett and the Harris Boys arrive in a sedan, which really shows you how far the nWo has fallen. A few weeks ago they all got individual limos. They don't even have yaks this time. Jarrett says he's been screwed for the last time and gloves are off.
We start off in the ring with Mean Gene introducing Hulk Hogan in the ring. But SWERVE, Lex Luger comes out instead. Lex still rocking FUBU gear.
Lex rants about Hogan and Sting and says he beat Hogan for 15 minutes. Their match wasn't even 9 minutes. Hulk comes out to shut Lex up. Hulk says "next time" can be tonight! Oh boy, there is a cage above the ring. Hulk Hogan vs Lex Luger in a STEEL CAGE MATCH, playas! This will probably be pretty awful.
Show rundown. Hogan vs Lex in a cage match. An update on Kevin nash. Exclusive interview with Sid. That's all we get on what is planned because Shittiest NWO comes out. It'd probably be better if the Godwins were in the place of the Harris Brothers. He's done getting screwed (but I thought he was the ass stretcher?) He has a signed document saying that if he didn't walk out of Superbrawl with the title, he'd get a one on one rematch. He claims that Kevin Nash signed the document. He's going to unleash the DOA on anyone who gets in his way. "He's got it, he's got the documents!" Alex Jones was calling Nitro tonight.
TO THE BACK. Sid arrives in his limo, but without any gear or his belt. Or his baseball hat. Kidman can't find his camera. Maybe someone stole it? Madusa finds the booking board and finds that she's not on it. She throws a fit about how Oklahoma is stifling her career. So she breaks to board and acts like a baby.
Kidman vs Lash LeRoux.
Torrie is in a plaid school girl type thing. The Harris Brothers run in in about a two minutes and takes both men out. Oh good. I bet this is going to happen all night long.
TO THE BACK. Vampiro is sulking around backstage. The Kid Cam films Buff hitting on Persephone. BUT WHO IS CAMERA?! Also, he tells her to keep her mouth shut because he almost got caught once already doing this. The Kid Cam is going to be GTV now, I guess.
Vampiro vs Fit Finlay.
This could be fun if the Harris Bros don't ruin it. Finlay opens up his shirt so Vamp can chop him harder, but then immediately zips it up once he got chopped. Finlay uses the cast right away. They are brawling on the floor and Vamp is getting stiffed. The cage math is now a last man standing cage match. "What?" The rules are the winner has to exit the cage. So it is a WWF cage match. Crowd is super into Vampiro. Vamp wins with a roll up after Fit ran into the ring post. Finlay tombstones him after the match.
TO THE BACK. The Maestro is laying a beating on Buff. Buff is also wearing FUBU. The source of the La Parka reading a newspaper gif!
Madusa is whispering stuff to him. He spoke! He sounded....Mexican. I was hoping he'd have more of a booming super villain voice. Nitro Girls dance and Gene gets some time with Booker. IS ALL OVAH, SUCKA!
Booker vs Big Vito is supposed to happen. But then Disco says the match was changed to Booker vs Disco. He makes a proposition to face the champs in a handicap match for the titles.
Booker vs The Mamalukes for the WCW Tag Team Championships.
REALLY bad Book End botch from JTB. He jumped before Booker even started to lift him and Booker just let him go and literally threw his hands up at the move. Book hits the ax kick on Vito, but Disco interferes causing a DQ. Then 8 Ball and Skull come out to lay everyone out.
TO THE BACK. Terry Funk and Dustin will have a match against the Harris Brothers. Funk says Dustin is ten times tougher than his daddy. Dustin's catchphrase is "they're going to bite the dust". Recap of the title match last night. Sid is laughing in the back. Recap of the Harris Brothers taking over the show. Mean Gene gets an interview with the NEW Harlem Heat 2K. Ahmed is in pinkish/salmon No Limit sweats. The shirt is deep scooped and open on the shoulders and chest. He looks like Big Mama (Martin Lawrence, not EVA).
Swoll, who is now renamed to Cassius ( oh, no!), has arms that are literally almost wider than Clarence Mason's entire body. They're moving on from Booker.
TAFKAPI vs LA PARKA for the WCW Cruiserweight Championship.
Oklahoma is on color and interrupts Tony while he's giving promos for book signings and personal appearances. "Hey, I'm selling here, man!" "You're the only person in this company that does." This doesn't look like La Parka. He looks like he's lost a lot of weight and grew giant tits. Madusa does a pretty dead on LA Parka impression, though. The best thing she's ever done in her career. "Parts of LA Parka are cruiserweight". OK jumps in the ring to unmask this impostor. Madusa then pulls out her cup and starts hitting him with it. Then the real LA Parka comes down in jeans and a tasteful button down and KOs OK (OHNO!) with the chair.
TAFKAPI then hits La Parka with a chair and hits his diving DDT for a win. This stuff is worse than Hornswoggle and Jackie as Cruiser champs.
TO THE BACK. The Shittiest NWO and Funk 'n Rhodes make their way to the arena. Ric Flair gets a huge boner over Lex's flexing and says Hogan will die or something, but his promo gets cut off before he actually says anything.
Terry Funk/Dustin Rhodes vs The Harris Brothers.
More fucking Harris Brothers.
FUCK THIS COMPANY. JJ is on commentary. Remember when TNA gave the Bros the biggest and most impressive entrance in the Asylum days? It's no wonder WCW died when they had the Harris Dudes as a focal point of the company so often. Jarrett tries to get involved. Funk doesn't allow it and Sid saunters out. Jarrett hits the official bell ringer with the guitar for no reason that I could see. Sid chases JJ to and through the back. Dustin Rhodes finally gets tagged in and DDTs Funk?! SWERVE!!! A replay of Arn turning on Dustin, but not as good. Dustin continues with a few chair shots and a DDT on the chair.
TO THE BACK. Buff discusses the boys taking things out of context. Buff changed from his FUBU gear to his air brushed overalls and top hat. After a break, Dustin is still beating on Funk even while they are trying to put him in an ambulance. Dustin then steals the ambulance just to be a dick.
Mean Gene interviews WCW Champion Sid in the ring. Sid agrees to a one on one match at Uncensored. You can not be the master of the master! But are you the master of your domain, Sid?
TO THE BACK. The attacked guys are being held back by security from the Harris Bros. Ric Flair says that Dustin did the right thing. He's also tired of Gene kissing Hogan's ass. Flair seemed SO coked up. Like, peak 80s coked up. So good.
Buff Bagwell vs The Maestro.
Tearaway air brushed over alls.
Maestro is PISSED at Buff for hitting on his yak. Maestro's music is the Jimmy Hart Version of Life on Mars? and he has bubbles instead of pyro. Maestro tries to tackle Buff, who moves out of the way, and he crashes into Ryan Shamrock. Looked terrible. Like those spots where a guy rolls out of the way before the guy on top even jumps, but he still goes for it anyway. And she no sold it even after getting knocked into the steps. Cat comes out and distracts Maestro long enough for Buff to hit the blockbuster for the win. Cat makes Maestro's new music terrible rap music, which makes Stro snap and put Billy Silverman in the cobra clutch.
TO THE BACK. The Wall is walking around. Sid throws his bags in his limo and tells it to GO! Nitro Girls in the cages. Recap of Jim Duggan talking up the TV Title on Saturday Night. ROBERT GIBSON came out and challenged him. The fuck? How random is that.
Maybe I should find a pack of Saturday Nights from 2000 to do next. Steven Regal also challenged Hacksaw. I guess the TV Championship was exclusively on Saturday Night now, which hadn't be hyped all year so far. Regal vs Duggan in a title vs career match this Saturday at 6:05 Eastern!
Bam Bam Bigelow vs The Wall.
The Wall ambushes Bammer before the match. This is not a hardcore match. Wall kicks out of the diving headbutt. Wall with another super chokeslam for the win. It's amazing how much of a non-entity Bam Bam is at this point.
TO THE BACK. Hulk is pounding on a cage with his cast screaming Luger each time. Ric Flair is giving shit to Arn and David. Hulk is now with Mean Gene. "Whatcha gonna do when I kick your ass, dude?!" Flair and Lex attack Jimmy Hart.
Flair and Lex now drag Jimmy out to the ring.
Hulk Hogan vs Lex Luger Steel Cage Match.
Match starts like most cage matches, as a brawl on the floor. Flair and Lex are double teaming Hulk on the floor before Flair is taken away and they make it into the ring. Being a friend of Hulk is about as bad as being a friend of Cena. Jimmy Hart keeps getting beaten him, he tried to steal Liz from Macho, he stole Sting's spot and turned on him, Beefcake had his face broken by Money Inc and then later Hulk turned on him just for fun in the nWo. They're really pushing that he's now a blend of Hulk and Hollywood, which doesn't make sense to me since he wrestled like a heel even at the height of Hulkamania. Lex makes the mistake of putting Hogan in the Torture Rack, which only made him Hulk up. Ric Flair runs down and enters the cage. Hogan hits the leg drop on Flair and pins him. Flair no sells it and gets back up to chop some more. Now Hogan is being double teamed, but he is OVER COMING THOSE ODDS! This is going to be Cena in 10 years, pinning Ziggler in a cage match against ADR. Doug Dillinger runs out and Lex Pillmanizes his arm. Now Flair and Lex are beating up the middle aged fat security staff WCW had. Flair is wearing Hogan's weight belt. The show actually ends with Hogan down and Lex/Flair standing tall. I predict Flair will lose a match on Thunder. Oh man, looking ahead to Uncensored, there will be some great things in the next few shows.
Also just for fun, WCW fans:
No Sting or Piper.