wcw2000.tumblr.com
WCW Thunder 3/1/2000
Recap of Nitro.
TO THE BACK. Sid arrives and asks The Red Rooster if he "got it done". Something about his title. The new Thunder intro is of course out of date, but also features a clip of Oklahoma doing a second rope elbow drop.
We kick off the show with a match!
TAFKAPI vs Chavo Guerrero Jr. for the Cruiserweight Championship.
I can't tell if it is Bobby or just the quality of the video, but I wouldn't be surprised to hear Bobby hiccuping soon. He immediately calls Chavo "Poncho". Prince's stubble is awful. It looks like he smeared shit on his face. Brain calls Mike "Tony". Big plancha from Chavo. Paisley is in the ring. She give the belt to Prince, who hits Chavo with it, but when he turns around to give it back to Paisley, he accidentally gave it to the ref and get DQd.
Show run down. Jeff Jarrett/Harris Brothers vs Sid/Booker/Kidman in our main event!
TO THE BACK. Team Package have a chat with Gene. Lex vs Vampiro will happen tonight. Gene points out that it was because of Lex that Vampiro actually beat Ric Flair. Ric Flair vs Buff will also happen. Dustin Rhodes is walking around the back. Gene now talks with Chavo talks about his multi-leveled marketing program that "Turned out to be a fiscal albatross resulting in the net worth of my liquid assets downsizing to the point where my venture capital could not sustain the equity rates of exchange". In layman's terms, he went broke. But now he's back in the cruiserweight title hunt and that belt must be worth at least $15K-20K. Then he stole Gene's watch.
Dustin Rhodes is out to tell the drones that they need to choose better heroes, because someone like him could take them out. "Now I'm going to share something with you MARKs. You SMART MARKS. You like that don't you? You like it when us
wrasslers share things with you." He's SHOOTING, folks. He lets the people touch him when he comes to the ring, he shakes hands at the hotels, he'll even sign an autograph for the stupid kids. But SCREW your kids and screw you! Both screws were muted. Think of the children! He no longer gives a rats ass about any of the fans and won't ever again. The fans are the real turncoats, taking and taking until there is nothing left. Something happened today to Terry Funk. Earlier today, Dustin attacked Funk at a signing.
Chair shots, throwing hot coffee on him (very Orton-esque), threw him into a table. Instead of worrying about Terry Funk's health, they were worried about not getting their autograph, because the fans suck. Funk shows up and attacks Dustin from behind with a chair. An attempted piledriver on the floor is reversed and Dustin hits a DDT in the floor. He takes Funk in the ring, calls him an old piece of shit and hits muptiple chair shots to the head before security finally intervenes. Funk punches one of them, who no sells it.
TO THE BACK. Gene is with the fucking Harris Brothers. They have the latest package from the Mamalukes: Shoes in concrete. Which look like fur, like something Tiger Mask would wear.
Then one of them calls the Mamalukes mooks. Jarrett is going to win the title blah blah. There are too many yaks and Jeff is going to get rid of one of them. So there will be a series of contests and the one with the least amount of points will be kicked out. It's like NXT! Sid/Booker/Kidman discuss strategy, but are bickering a bit. You could hear the directer say "clear" and Sid break character at the very end.
3 Count is out with the Hardcore Title. The hardcore fans are the ones that make them do what they do. Oh boy, Knobs and Finlay are going to debut their partner, The Dog! It's Al Greene, being led to the ring on a leash by Finlay.
3 Count vs Finlay/Knobs/The Dog.
This is a hardcore match. The Dog is biting Shane's ears. He press slams Shannon over the top on top of the other two. Finlay and Knobs have yet to enter the ring, staying on the floor to brawl. Super powerslam through a table on Shane gives The Dog and his team the win.
TO THE BACK. La Parka in a spiffy blue variant of his outfit cuts another JYD promo. This happened to be right in front of the NWO lockeroom, which Gene was excited to pick up on the loser girl tonight. "I told you girls I wouldn't be long" to which Brain under his breath says "You ain't kidding". The first contest is a spelling bee! The first 3 misspell their words, but the last one gets a word she'd know: rat. And she gets it right. So she's in the lead. Test of strength is up next.
The Demon vs La Parka!
Tenay talks about how underused and unappreciated La Parka has been. Demon attacks Parka while he was on his chair. Second week in a row that happened to him. Parka tried to do a top rope face buster onto an open chair, but it was reversed. The Demon has a new move. His version of the People's Elbow, but he does Gene Simmons' kicks and flashes the sign of the devil before dropping the elbow. La Parka wins with his corkscrew moonsault headbutt thing. He's on a roll!
TO THE BACK. Nick Patrick wakes up a sleeping Slick Johnson (who is cuddling...something) and tells him to suit up, because he's up tonight. Slick's suspension has been lifted for the night so he can have a match with Mickey Jay before being sent back to ref school. I hope there are videos of that.
TO THE BACK. NXT continues with a test of strength. Mean Gene arm wrestles with the dames. Well, one of them. And he jobs to her. Next up is the swimsuit competition. Gene keeps twirling his mustache like a creeper.
Video of Sting saying he's back and will fight Lex for the last time at Uncenscored.
TO THE BACK. Lex and Vampiro head to the ring.
TO THE KID CAM. Stacy offers her services to Buff. He tells her to hold that thought because he's got a match tonight and Buff's stuff has to be ready.
Vampiro vs The Total Package.
Tenay says this is a highly anticipated match by many people. I can't imagine anyone ever was looking forward to this match. He also compares Vamp's match with Flair to the Sting/Flair match from COTC. Brain says they do have the same kind of appearance, body type, and movements. Uh. Besides having face paint, none of that is accurate. Vamp is pissed and making Lex his bitch. Lex his now in control and things get boring in a hurry. Vamp makes a comeback and this brings out Flair. Now Vamp is taking care of both men. Flair has the ref distracted on one side of the ring and Liz hits a bat shot on the other side. This led to the torture rack for the win. They continue a beat down on Vamp. Lex Pillmanizes his arm. Oh noes. Another broken arm.
TO THE BACK. Vamp refuses to be taken to the hospital. Finlay again attacks and beats on his already broken arm.
Mickie Jay vs Slick Johnson.
I guess I missed their first match on one of the shows that wasn't complete. Slick is in a Jarrett shirt and is carrying a mini-mini guitar. Mickie Jay is pulling all the heel moves knowing that it would give him a chance for cheap shots. Nick Patrick hands Mickie an international object so he could punch Slick in the dome. A roll of quarters. Old school. Your winner, Mickie Jay.
TO THE BACK. The Wall and Crowbar/David/Daffney are heading to the ring. The bikini contest in the NWO locker room. A lot of fake tits going on in the room. Number 4 wins again. She's won everything so far. Gene has to run out to get another interview. Tenay bitches about how Gene gets to hang out with models in bikinis, but he gets hit in the head with guitars. Maybe that's because Mean Gene is awesome and has mad game and Mike Tenay is an annoying whiney nerd with a bird face.
Crowbar vs The Wall.
Wall No longer has sleaves on his shirt. Crowbar is extra serious tonight. David comes in and gets chokeslamed. Crowbar hits a stiff unprotected chair shot to the brain. After a bit of brawling, Wall does a super chokeslam from the apron through the announce table. The match is a no contest, I think. After a commercial break, Tenay bitches about not having a monitor while we are shown Crowbar being stretchered out.
Recap video of the Team Package/Hulk Hogan feud.
TO THE BACK. Gene interviews Sid/Kidman/Booker. Kidman makes a gay joke about the Harris Brothers. He's so tiny. He's barely bigger than Gene. He's slightly taller, but Gene is actually bigger than Kidman. Sid is cutting a Sid promo, but in a black voice. So weird. I guess because he was teaming with a black guy, he felt the need to talk like a black guy.
TO THE BACK. Back to see who gets kicked off of Air Force Chosen One. So they decide the loser will be who ever is the ugliest. The 3 girls attack the girl who had won all the contests and threw baby powder on her, causing her to lose for being the least attractive at that particular second. So it was kind of like Daniel Bryan winning all the contests and voting on NXT, but still losing. Crowbar is in the ambulance.
Buff Bagwell vs Ric Flair.
Buff puts Flair in the figure four about 40 seconds into the match. Buff did the 10 punches in the corner spot, but like 16 times. Totally threw the crowd off. Flair kicks Buff in the stuff. And then uppercuts the stuff. Charles Robinson is the ref and lets this go. Even though on Nitro Flair decked him for no reason. Buff looks ridiculous. Women don't really find that pumped up, inflated style attractive, do they? That seems like a gay man thing to me. Buff hits a blockbuster, but doesn't actually hit it, but Flair bumped for it anyway. Lex comes out and hits Buff in the head with the bat for a Flair win. They continue the beat down until Mr. Perfect comes out to save Buff.
TO THE BACK. The main event competitors head to the arena. Buff catches up with the NWO girl who was kicked out and walks off with her. I'm pretty sure she said she got kicked out of the NWA.
Shittiest NWO vs Sid/Booker/Kidman.
Jeff sends the yaks to the back. Fucking Harris Brothers. Hard to give a fuck with them in the ring. Kidman takes a gross bump trying to do a backflip bump off a short arm clothesline. Crowd is hot for Sid. Kidman makes a double tag to Sid and Booker, which Nick Patrick is fine with. Chokeslam to Jarrett. Weird camera work. Sid hits the powerbomb on JJ and Booker gets the pin. Until whatever Harris Brother pulls Nick out. Kidman climbs up top and accidentally hits Booker with a missile dropkick. Jarrett gets the pin. Harris Brothers then hit an H-Bomb on Kidman, throw Book out, and try one on Sid. Sid goes for a double chokeslam, but was hit with the guitar while he was distracted.