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December Wrasslin |OT| Dean Ambrose, Muscleless Agent of SHIELD, Every Week :(
SousedLouse
Member
Just a random thought, but did anyone else love Vince's outfits when he was ECW champ?
So gangsta!
Everyone knows that du rags are EXTREME
You're the young lion of WrassleGAF, strobogo.
This is one of my favorite promos, and one of the reasons why I think Steiner's one of the most bizarre wrestlers when he's on the mic. He's got that pseudo-stream of consciousness style of delivery that most people wrestling today don't really use anymore. Not that this is a bad thing, because wrestlers generally want people to understand what they're saying, but I miss it all the same. That and coke-fueled ramblings à la Warrior.
It's funny how people got pissed when Steiner got suspended from Thunder (with pay, lol) because of that promo, because really, it's Thunder - who cares?
What.
Is that what was hot in the streets back then? Threatening people with anal prolapse? I know nothing about the '00s anymore.
Wow, that does sound weird. I can't really imagine it, to be honest.
I like this verb a lot, for some reason.
Mr. Luchador
Member
So to beat Randy Orton, you just need to slither around the ring like a viper. The irony!
SousedLouse
Member
That's true, he locked it in whenever someone's legs were prone, and he wrenched it like he was trying to tear their damn foot off. It was probably the most versatile submission hold in the WWE, and definitely one of the most impressive looking ones.
The only thing that left me puzzled about it was why other wrestlers didn't booby trap their boots to try and protect themselves from it. Then again, my knowledge of Kurt Angle matches is woefully low. Did they ever use an angle like that with him?
Mr. Luchador
Member
So to beat Kurt Angle you just need to be Data from The Goonies. Logical!
Yoshi would be so over if they just made him Data.
Mr. Luchador
Member
Funkasaurus would obviously be Chunk. Or would Big Show be Chunk. Hmm.
Great Khali would be Sloth.
Great Khali would be Sloth.
Mr. Luchador
Member
Uncanny.
sf2fanatic
Member
Cool deals thx for the lookout
SousedLouse
Member
Mr. Luchador
Member
haha RySloth!
Perspicacity
Banned
Eddie Guerrero at Wrestlemania 20 untied his boot because his ankle was hurt from the hold, then when Angle re-applied it Eddie was able to escape by slipping out of the boot completely. But otherwise I don't think anything like that was tried.
I don't think that was the intention, since Larry Z was so known as a stretcher/cruncher (one of the weirder nicknames to me). But everything Jarrett said around that time was so homoerotic. Starting with slapnuts and working his way down. And around. And up. And in. Every promo had at least one or two comments that could be taken amazingly and hilariously out of context.
slightconfuse
Banned
amazing work
can't take credit, got it from a guy's youtube video. Same with AJ.
Mr. Enigma
Member
Russo was gone from WCW at this point. Kevin Sullivan was booking WCW during the period between Souled Out 2000 and the April Russo/Bischoff relaunch.
Perspicacity
Banned
Huh?
BillRiccio
Member
slightconfuse
Banned
lol there is a TNA oov tonight isnt there
Mr. Luchador
Member
I loove a good oov.
I guess that's right, since that was the reason the Radicalz left, but the Russo storylines were still going on and the shows didn't seem any different at all.
SousedLouse
Member
Ah, cool. Thanks for the info.
I've never heard of 'stretcher' or 'cruncher' being used as nicknames before, but if that's his thing then it makes more sense. I agree with you about Jarrett's stuff.
D
Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
And here's the footage:
For those interested in what's going down in OK:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvmGpuBl2qM
He was known as the Cruncher during his team with Arn after they broke Barry Windham's hand.
A Pretty Panda
fuckin' called it, man
HarryDemeanor
Member
Is Flo Rida performing at Tribute to da Troops?
D
Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
Tomorrow is the NeoGAF GWF FATAL MATCH PPV (for free)
Tune in after Raw. Here's the promo and match rundown, plus some surprises!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oE6NzqYcd5c&feature=youtu.be
Tune in after Raw. Here's the promo and match rundown, plus some surprises!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oE6NzqYcd5c&feature=youtu.be
HarryDemeanor
Member
It's the best e-fed going today.
Nocturnowl
Member
SoulFrog will hop off to the afterlife, I personally guarantee it.
Professor Beef
Banned
You like Brodus Clay, your endorsement is tainted.
You like Ryback, your judgement is tainted!
bean breath
Member
You like the Raiders, your tolerance for pain is high!
I hope your phone gets service in space
Me and Froggy will be kicking an Owl's Bootaaay tomorrow night!
Nocturnowl
Member
I'll get Soul to test it when I blast him off to parts unknown.
Yeah well you Souled out!
In no context right now does this work, you win this round and that's all you'll win.
One of the most amazing performances in wrestling is Monsoon and Heenan. You listen to something like this, and without the internet, you would think they HATED each other the way they talk over one another and answer each other with such dismissive tones. Turns out they were the best of friends. I mean, it's one thing that they're the best commentary team in all of wrestling(Gordon's second, did one man commentary before Styles and better than Styles, so I don't know why he brags about it so much), but they were also so good at making their 'hated' look authentic.
God damn Hammer marks
Also, Sandow needs to get a title soon so we can figure out if he's the ultimate old school and actually holds the belt instead of slapping it over his shoulder like every other neanderthal in that company.
God damn Hammer marks
Also, Sandow needs to get a title soon so we can figure out if he's the ultimate old school and actually holds the belt instead of slapping it over his shoulder like every other neanderthal in that company.
That looks better than his WWE 13 model :lol
MegaKungFuRadio
Member
I think Rey did it too, as a tribute to Eddie, but I may just be making things up.
Oh man, Kurt Angle. Almost makes me want to put up with TNA to watch my all time favorite. Almost.
Yeah, Rey did it against Swagger at MITB 2010.
Mean Gene and Gordon Solie are probably the only two non-wrestling wrestling personalities that I can think of that didn't back down from terrifying guys like Ox Baker, Bruiser Brody, Vader, etc.
All the guys WWE have now just piss themselves or get humped into a wall.
Ox Baker is legit the scariest heel of all time. Just look at that dude. That dude would fucking kill you, eat you, shit you out, and eat you again. Nowadays, you think the heart punch is that goofy move Daizee Haze does.
Ox Baker's heart punch=
It's better to just pretend Kurt stopped wrestling after he got released from WWE. Man, remember when he got released? Everyone was like ITS A STORYLINE YOU FUCKING MARKS then nope.txt
All the guys WWE have now just piss themselves or get humped into a wall.
Ox Baker is legit the scariest heel of all time. Just look at that dude. That dude would fucking kill you, eat you, shit you out, and eat you again. Nowadays, you think the heart punch is that goofy move Daizee Haze does.
Ox Baker's heart punch=
It's better to just pretend Kurt stopped wrestling after he got released from WWE. Man, remember when he got released? Everyone was like ITS A STORYLINE YOU FUCKING MARKS then nope.txt
Nocturnowl
Member
There's a good reason that we remember this one.
WCW Thunder 2/9/00 Corrupted file. CUUUUUNNNNNNNTTTTSSSSS.
Basic synopsis of the show: JJ and Hall argued until Nash returned (VIA SATELLITE) to strip Jarrett of his acting commissionership. He then books them in a match with the winner going on to face Sid at Superbrawl. It ended in a no contest, setting up a triple threat for Superbrawl. Booker vs Big T in a "Bury Booker's Career" Match was scheduled, but didn't take place. That was the actual title of the match, it seems. Ric Flair elbow dropped a magazine.
WCW Monday Nitro 2/14/00
I can only hope being on Valentine's Day will mean something highly inappropriate. Recap of Jarrett and Hall's mess. Flair vs Hogan will happen TONIGHT. So the promo to start the show recapping everything plays, and in the middle of Tony and Mark Madden talking, they are cut off to show a different recap of the past week of shows. Mid sentence, and a completely different package covering the same events. How weird.
The nWo are coming to the ring. Which is now Jarrett, the Harris Brothers, and YAKs. No Steiner, no Hall, no Nash. Then Double J sends the YAKs away. And the Harris Brothers start off the promo. The fuck. They must have saved Russo from a gang rape sometime in 1995. Jarrett insists that everyone has been trying to hold him, the Chosen One, back. I don't know how that works. You can't have that both ways. Nothing particularly gay yet. Oh wait, Kevin Nash is again live VIA SATELLITE. "You know you talk about stroke there buddy, the only stroke you got is when you go back to your single wide in Nashville, you put on a Billy Squire 8 track in that Sparkamatic 8 track player ya got, buddy." I'm not sure that is quite grammatically correct, Mr. Nash. Look at the adjectives. Jarrett is now using slapass, as well. Jarrett threatens to have the Harris Boys break David Penzer's neck if they don't cut Nash's transmission. "Don't you do it". They cut the feed. Nash didn't seem to worried about it. "Now hit the commissioner....the acting commissioner's music...one...more...time!" *Cue Wolfpack music* Nash wheels out to the ring with his YAK nurses. Nash says there is plenty of room for his steel plate reinforced, fiber glass covered foot in Jeff's ass. Now it is getting pretty gay. "Let me tell you something. In wrestling terms 'The Bottom Line'." He makes the triple threat of Sid vs Hall vs Jarrett at Superbrawl official. He was at a rehab center in NYC known as Scores, so he's going to book Jeff Jarrett against Sid. Not sure the logic there, but sure. This is the shittiest group of the nWo ever. Ron and Don Harris and Jeff Jarrett? Get that shit out of here. The B-Team was dramatically better.
Show run down. Sid vs Jarrett. Hulk Hogan vs Ric Flair. Tony said it was 5 years since they've wrestled on TV. That can't be true. No way they didn't wrestle on TV during the nWo run or on TV the year prior when they were feuding over the title for 3 months in the Spring of 1999. Terry Funk vs Lex Luger. Mamalukes in action. Norman Smiley in action. Bam Bam in action. And a Valentines Day 2000 treat for the male viewers.
TO THE BACK. Lex, Flair, and Liz arrive together. 3 Count practice their choreography. Norman and Lenny/Lodi are talking. Every segment with Lenny and Lodi have them talking about picking up rats at the club. Every single one. Miss Hancock is making her way to the arena. Tank is shadow boxing.
3 Count are running a contest to win a date. With all 3 of them. They are offering a contest for a gang bang.
3 Count vs Norman Smiley/Lenny Lane. Oddly enough, Lenny Lane's theme is the Jimmy Hart version of Billy Squire's The Stroke. This whole feud is over Nash telling Norman he'd like to get him some courage. So Norman's response was to show he was a bad ass by taking on 3 Count. Lodi was supposed to be in this match, but he bailed to go pick up rats at the club. Lenny Lane went for the poetry in motion off Shane's back to the floor and pretty much missed everyone, crashing and burning hardcore. Helms then did a springboard swanton to the floor. Miss Hancock is out. Tony talks about Lane/Lodi getting rid of that gimmick they had. SKULL CRUSHING FINALE! Jesus Christ. Stacy in that outfit. Fuuuuck. Tony and Mark are having a hard time calling the match with Stacy out there. SMILEY SLAM! Love it. Smiley does the big Wiggle and Stacy starts dancing on the table. Tony clearly popped a boner immediately. So did I. I think that kind of makes Tony and I distant Eskimo Brothers. Norman locked in the chicken wing, but Lil' Naitch was too busy watching Stacy leave to ring the bell. 3 Count STILL tries to sing and dance. This brings out Tank Abbott. He pie faces all of them and the crowd gives him a standing ovation for it.
TO THE BACK. Meng and Al Greene argue about something. Over Tank being called "the real deal".
Tank Abbott vs Ric Fuller. Before the match can start, Tank sees Big Al in the crowd and runs after him. Doesn't matter. Tank still hits the double leg shoot throw and KO punch for the win.
EARLIER TODAY. Mike Tenay interviewed Tank about his days in the UFC and his issue with Big Al. A Skins Match was signed for Superbrawl. This is a leather jacket on a pole match. You tell me Kevin Sullivan is booking, but I dunno bros. This sure seems Russo-y. SHOOTs, other promotions, pole matches.
TO THE BACK. Jeff is on the phone with the championship committee. He's insisting that since Hall's match was made a title match last week, his match should be made one this week. The Artist and Paisley have a quick chat with Gene. The first time The Artist has spoken in this gimmick, I think. He likes to watch, and his eyes are on Psychosis. This was way gayer than anything Jarrett has said so far.
Kidman/Vampiro (with new music) vs LA PARKA!!! and The Artist. So pumped for a few minutes of wacky La Parka shenanigans. I'll put Torrie and Stacy over any WWF girl at the time. Jesus fuck. Parka struts and Vamp rolls his eyes. Loudest chop ever to the chest and back, against followed up with a strut. Tony says "The Artilist". He also called him Prince Iaukea before clearly being corrected on the headset. Sharmell and Torrie have a mini cat fight and Kidman misses a tag while breaking it up. This made Vamp leave after making the tag. The Artist won with his top rope diving DDT. Kidman sold DDTs awesomely. He'd dart himself at like a 70 degree angle. So awesome. La Parka checks out Paisley's ass on the way out.
TO THE BACK. Terry Funk is taping up his fists. Nash is on the phone with the committee. He agrees to Sid/Jarrett being a title match. Disco has brought the whole family for a big Italian wedding. Backstage at a wrestling show in a 3 sided tent.
Rhonda Singh vs Mona. Or Bertha Faye vs Molly Holly. Jesus. She was so hot, too. Molly, Stacy, and Torrie will beat out Lita/Trish/Steph every day for me. And Liz was super hot at the time, too. And in a few months, Sunny would be in at the height of drugged up sluttiness. Bertha is coming out to Jericho's original face music. She looks quite a bit smaller than her WWF run. Oklahoma comes out to make Madusa the special ref. Crowd is actually really reacting to Singh's crushing offense. The finish: Mona tried for a sunset flip, but Oklahoma jumped on the apron to hold her hands to prevent it, Madusa kicked the arms, OK went flying, Bertha hit Madusa from behind and sat on Molly while Oklahoma counted the win. Then she kissed him.
TO THE BACK. Back to the wedding reception. I can't tell if this is actually sweet and nice or offensive to Italians everywhere. Every mob family/Italian family stereotype is here besides plumbers. Jarrett just heard the news that his match is now for the title. Terry Funk hobbles to the arena. Lex, Liz, and his chair are also heading that way. Mean WHOOOOOOOO BY GODDDD GENE gets a word with Ric Flair. His hair is full on 1991 WWF mode. I don't think Hogan vs Flair was hyped before the start of the show. You'd think they would try to hype that at least a week or two in advance. Not only is it Hogan vs Flair, but it was also the first match for both men since Halloween Havoc.
Lex Luger vs Terry Funk. This should be awful. Funk was hiding somewhere while Lex was posing and rips Lex's pants off before punching him in the face. Lex gorilla press slammed Funk through a table, which was pretty nifty. Funk tried a moonsault, Lex kind of moved out of the way, so Funk ended up landing head first on Lex and the rest of his body slamming into a chair. Lex is DQ'd after a chair shot. This actually wasn't nearly as awful as I imagined.
TO THE BACK. Jarrett vs Sid will be a title match. The US Title. Jeff throws a fit. Nash has the nurses spray whipped cream in his mouth. Sid is confused, but then starts laughing. Back to the wedding, Daffney caught the bouquet and David/Crowbar crash the party, destroying the cake. Madden says he can't believe that a cake would end up like that in a pro wrestling segment and has never seen such a thing. Tony, obviously lacking a sarcasm detect, says "Oh yes you have".
Harlem Heat 2K vs Crowbar/David Flair vs Mamalukes. The four non black dudes are covered in cake. Ahmed looks like Jim Neidhart when he wrestled Jay Lethal on Impact. I don't understand how he got THAT fat in just a couple of years. It's amazing. Actually, he looks like a giant baby in a onesie. I wonder if he was offered a contract without anyone having seen him for 3 years. Vito cradled Stevie Ray after David hit Stevie with the crowbar. Which he immediately no sold after the 3 count. He went for a slap jack on Disco, which Ahmed decided to make a spiked version at the last second. As he was half way down. And by shoving Disco's legs UP instead of down, which made it look like Disco easily could have broken his neck if Stevie hadn't held on to him. Then Ahmed went for the PRP on Vito. He barely got him over, couldn't sit out on it, and Vito ended up landing on Ahmed's BACK somehow. Then he tried it on JTB, which was marginally better, because Stevie Ray helped him with it. After this, David and Crowbar beat the FUCK out of the Marmadukes with the pipe and crowbar until security break it up. Stretcher job. Only one. For 3 men.
TO THE BACK. The Italian women are freaking out. Especially grandma. Chris Champag ne Kanyon is back to talk with Mean Gene about Ready to Rumble. Dustin Rhodes is a terrible actor, unlike Oliver Platt and David Arquette. Bam Bam is walking to the arena. I could swear he was actually carrying an old ECW Championship instead of the WCW Hardcore title. Idk, maybe that title was just that much of a knock off. The Mamalukes are being put into ambulances, but they all get up and scream for Mean Gene. Just like that YAK he fucked after Thunder a few weeks ago.
Bam Bam vs The Wall for the Hardcore Championship. The prematch graphic is for the WCW Heavyweight Championship, but it is only on screen for about a second. You'd think that maybe The Wall would have had a name change after breaking up with Berlyn. The pun name doesn't really work with out the other half. Man, this match makes me miss Hardore Hak. I loved Sandman's WCW run. Of all the ECW guys that made it through WCW in the last 2 years, his might be my favorite run, even more than Lance Storm's. Bammer hit a flap jack through a table, followed by the Greetings From Asbury Park for a successful defense. Knobs attacks him after the match.
TO THE BACK. Gene is with the Mamalukes. You don't fuck with Italians in New York on the night of an Italian wedding. Sicilian Stretcher Match at Superbrawl.
The NITRO GIRLS?!?! They have a special dance for Valentines Day, which cut short both at the start and the end. Hogan was doing hype for Hogan/Flair on Imus and some other radio. Maybe they announced it on Thunder.
Dustin Rhodes vs Kanyon. Dustin took offense with Ric's treatment of Flair, due to his own daddy issues and they had an impromptu match on Thunder that Ric won with a punch with a Rolex. I think Dustin still has his Se7en music. It's really amazing how Dustin couldn't wrestle as anyone but Goldust once he picked up the gimmick, even though for most of the 2000s, he wrestled just as he would as if he were pre Goldust Dustin. Dustin wins with a Boss Man slam. He kept grabbing his dick, so they had to go in for a tight shot while he was celebrating to hide it.
TO THE BACK. Ric is doing Hindu squats. Mean Gene interviews Hulk and Jimmy Hart. Hulk says he's going to bury Ric tonight...outside of the Hudson River, but I yellowelled anyway. Booker makes his way to the arena. Gene asks him about his lame ass music. It just motivates Book to fuck up Big fat fuck T.
Booker vs The Demon. On this day, Kiss announced they were kicking off their farewell tour. Nearly 13 years later, they're still on that tour. 2 full albums and at least 15 compilation albums later. Booker wins quick with the 110th street slam.
TO THE BACK. Ric and Hulk are making their way to the arena.
Hulk Hogan vs Ric Flair. Well, the crowd does seem pretty hyped for this, at least. Michael Buffer is back for the night. Are WE ready, instead of YOU. All i could think of was ARE WE HAVING FUN YET? Frankly, Hulk looks god damn ridiculous going back to the trunks. New York missed Hulk Hogan. Tons of photogs around the ring. Nice touch. Crowd is super hot for Hogan. This is your typical Hogan/Flair formula, except the crowd is way hotter than they ever were before because it is in New York and Hogan hadn't been in NY for a match since he left the WWF. This is by far the hottest WCW crowd since the beginning of the nWo and Goldberg beating Hogan. Lex broke up the pin after Hogan hit the leg drop. Jimmy Hart cracked Lex in the head with his cast, which Lex sold longer than anything in the match with Funk. Lex fights Jimmy Hart off before Lex nails him. Then Funk comes out only to get whacked with a chair before he could even get half way in the ring. Hogan then takes out Flair and Lex on his own, with ease. Fuck it. I enjoyed it. The crowd was super hot and I actually enjoyed Mark Madden's unabashedly cheering on and marking out for Flair. And when he said that Hulk looked like a hot dog that had been left in the microwave. I was also hyped for their match in Raw in 2002, and for their tag match in TNA. I probably STILL would get excited to see crypt keeper Flair and crippled Hulk have a 5 minute match. While Hulk is doing his extended pose down, Lex comes back and drills him in the face with a bat before Pillmanizing his arm. You know what's great? Lex was feuding with Sting, who he put out of action at Starrcade. They hyped for the whole month of January that Sting would be back at the end of the month and it was teased a few times with his crow appearing in the ring or on the ramp. We're half way through February and not only is Sting nowhere to be found, but Lex is now feuding with Hulk Hogan instead.
TO THE BACK. Lol. Sid has to stop his promo with Gene and says "excuse me" after he gets very tongue tied. Gene laughed right before the cut to break.
The Cat is out to talk about hanging out with James Brown. James Brown is there, but he's too nervous to perform in front of a big audience of stupid red necks. In Long Island. His newest song plays while Cat dances. The Maestro interrupts it. You can't go toe to toe with the Stro. I'm stealing that. I don't care about tags, but that'd be great if it were my tag.
TO THE BACK. Sid and Jarrett are heading to the arena. Nash is on the phone, probably with Hall. He still has an nWo sign in his office, so maybe the nWo isn't broken up. An ad for Superbrawl plays that is actually the same ad they used for Souled Out, complete with the nWo taking control of WCW, Bret Hart, and no clips of anything after early-mid January. It's literally the same ad but with the Superbrawl logo. WCW was always SO lazy with promotional stuff. They were always using way out of date footage and pictures, sometimes YEARS out of date. I swear they would sometimes use PWI pictures in ads.
Sid vs Jarrett for the US Championship. Sid has overcome more odds than John Cena. He's won like 7 handicap cage matches, multiple matches a night, screw jobs, interference. The stuff he's had to put up with in the past month makes a year's worth of Cena struggles look like a joke. Ref bump leads to Jarrett hitting side with a belt, still couldn't get the win. So he gave Mickey Jay the Stroke. Tried it on Sid, but it was reversed into a Crossface. Harris bros came out, Jarrett hit a guitar shot and got a pin. No Scott Hall on the go home Nitro before he's in the main event of a PPV, which would be his last WCW show period.
Basic synopsis of the show: JJ and Hall argued until Nash returned (VIA SATELLITE) to strip Jarrett of his acting commissionership. He then books them in a match with the winner going on to face Sid at Superbrawl. It ended in a no contest, setting up a triple threat for Superbrawl. Booker vs Big T in a "Bury Booker's Career" Match was scheduled, but didn't take place. That was the actual title of the match, it seems. Ric Flair elbow dropped a magazine.
WCW Monday Nitro 2/14/00
I can only hope being on Valentine's Day will mean something highly inappropriate. Recap of Jarrett and Hall's mess. Flair vs Hogan will happen TONIGHT. So the promo to start the show recapping everything plays, and in the middle of Tony and Mark Madden talking, they are cut off to show a different recap of the past week of shows. Mid sentence, and a completely different package covering the same events. How weird.
The nWo are coming to the ring. Which is now Jarrett, the Harris Brothers, and YAKs. No Steiner, no Hall, no Nash. Then Double J sends the YAKs away. And the Harris Brothers start off the promo. The fuck. They must have saved Russo from a gang rape sometime in 1995. Jarrett insists that everyone has been trying to hold him, the Chosen One, back. I don't know how that works. You can't have that both ways. Nothing particularly gay yet. Oh wait, Kevin Nash is again live VIA SATELLITE. "You know you talk about stroke there buddy, the only stroke you got is when you go back to your single wide in Nashville, you put on a Billy Squire 8 track in that Sparkamatic 8 track player ya got, buddy." I'm not sure that is quite grammatically correct, Mr. Nash. Look at the adjectives. Jarrett is now using slapass, as well. Jarrett threatens to have the Harris Boys break David Penzer's neck if they don't cut Nash's transmission. "Don't you do it". They cut the feed. Nash didn't seem to worried about it. "Now hit the commissioner....the acting commissioner's music...one...more...time!" *Cue Wolfpack music* Nash wheels out to the ring with his YAK nurses. Nash says there is plenty of room for his steel plate reinforced, fiber glass covered foot in Jeff's ass. Now it is getting pretty gay. "Let me tell you something. In wrestling terms 'The Bottom Line'." He makes the triple threat of Sid vs Hall vs Jarrett at Superbrawl official. He was at a rehab center in NYC known as Scores, so he's going to book Jeff Jarrett against Sid. Not sure the logic there, but sure. This is the shittiest group of the nWo ever. Ron and Don Harris and Jeff Jarrett? Get that shit out of here. The B-Team was dramatically better.
Show run down. Sid vs Jarrett. Hulk Hogan vs Ric Flair. Tony said it was 5 years since they've wrestled on TV. That can't be true. No way they didn't wrestle on TV during the nWo run or on TV the year prior when they were feuding over the title for 3 months in the Spring of 1999. Terry Funk vs Lex Luger. Mamalukes in action. Norman Smiley in action. Bam Bam in action. And a Valentines Day 2000 treat for the male viewers.
TO THE BACK. Lex, Flair, and Liz arrive together. 3 Count practice their choreography. Norman and Lenny/Lodi are talking. Every segment with Lenny and Lodi have them talking about picking up rats at the club. Every single one. Miss Hancock is making her way to the arena. Tank is shadow boxing.
3 Count are running a contest to win a date. With all 3 of them. They are offering a contest for a gang bang.
3 Count vs Norman Smiley/Lenny Lane. Oddly enough, Lenny Lane's theme is the Jimmy Hart version of Billy Squire's The Stroke. This whole feud is over Nash telling Norman he'd like to get him some courage. So Norman's response was to show he was a bad ass by taking on 3 Count. Lodi was supposed to be in this match, but he bailed to go pick up rats at the club. Lenny Lane went for the poetry in motion off Shane's back to the floor and pretty much missed everyone, crashing and burning hardcore. Helms then did a springboard swanton to the floor. Miss Hancock is out. Tony talks about Lane/Lodi getting rid of that gimmick they had. SKULL CRUSHING FINALE! Jesus Christ. Stacy in that outfit. Fuuuuck. Tony and Mark are having a hard time calling the match with Stacy out there. SMILEY SLAM! Love it. Smiley does the big Wiggle and Stacy starts dancing on the table. Tony clearly popped a boner immediately. So did I. I think that kind of makes Tony and I distant Eskimo Brothers. Norman locked in the chicken wing, but Lil' Naitch was too busy watching Stacy leave to ring the bell. 3 Count STILL tries to sing and dance. This brings out Tank Abbott. He pie faces all of them and the crowd gives him a standing ovation for it.
TO THE BACK. Meng and Al Greene argue about something. Over Tank being called "the real deal".
Tank Abbott vs Ric Fuller. Before the match can start, Tank sees Big Al in the crowd and runs after him. Doesn't matter. Tank still hits the double leg shoot throw and KO punch for the win.
EARLIER TODAY. Mike Tenay interviewed Tank about his days in the UFC and his issue with Big Al. A Skins Match was signed for Superbrawl. This is a leather jacket on a pole match. You tell me Kevin Sullivan is booking, but I dunno bros. This sure seems Russo-y. SHOOTs, other promotions, pole matches.
TO THE BACK. Jeff is on the phone with the championship committee. He's insisting that since Hall's match was made a title match last week, his match should be made one this week. The Artist and Paisley have a quick chat with Gene. The first time The Artist has spoken in this gimmick, I think. He likes to watch, and his eyes are on Psychosis. This was way gayer than anything Jarrett has said so far.
Kidman/Vampiro (with new music) vs LA PARKA!!! and The Artist. So pumped for a few minutes of wacky La Parka shenanigans. I'll put Torrie and Stacy over any WWF girl at the time. Jesus fuck. Parka struts and Vamp rolls his eyes. Loudest chop ever to the chest and back, against followed up with a strut. Tony says "The Artilist". He also called him Prince Iaukea before clearly being corrected on the headset. Sharmell and Torrie have a mini cat fight and Kidman misses a tag while breaking it up. This made Vamp leave after making the tag. The Artist won with his top rope diving DDT. Kidman sold DDTs awesomely. He'd dart himself at like a 70 degree angle. So awesome. La Parka checks out Paisley's ass on the way out.
TO THE BACK. Terry Funk is taping up his fists. Nash is on the phone with the committee. He agrees to Sid/Jarrett being a title match. Disco has brought the whole family for a big Italian wedding. Backstage at a wrestling show in a 3 sided tent.
Rhonda Singh vs Mona. Or Bertha Faye vs Molly Holly. Jesus. She was so hot, too. Molly, Stacy, and Torrie will beat out Lita/Trish/Steph every day for me. And Liz was super hot at the time, too. And in a few months, Sunny would be in at the height of drugged up sluttiness. Bertha is coming out to Jericho's original face music. She looks quite a bit smaller than her WWF run. Oklahoma comes out to make Madusa the special ref. Crowd is actually really reacting to Singh's crushing offense. The finish: Mona tried for a sunset flip, but Oklahoma jumped on the apron to hold her hands to prevent it, Madusa kicked the arms, OK went flying, Bertha hit Madusa from behind and sat on Molly while Oklahoma counted the win. Then she kissed him.
TO THE BACK. Back to the wedding reception. I can't tell if this is actually sweet and nice or offensive to Italians everywhere. Every mob family/Italian family stereotype is here besides plumbers. Jarrett just heard the news that his match is now for the title. Terry Funk hobbles to the arena. Lex, Liz, and his chair are also heading that way. Mean WHOOOOOOOO BY GODDDD GENE gets a word with Ric Flair. His hair is full on 1991 WWF mode. I don't think Hogan vs Flair was hyped before the start of the show. You'd think they would try to hype that at least a week or two in advance. Not only is it Hogan vs Flair, but it was also the first match for both men since Halloween Havoc.
Lex Luger vs Terry Funk. This should be awful. Funk was hiding somewhere while Lex was posing and rips Lex's pants off before punching him in the face. Lex gorilla press slammed Funk through a table, which was pretty nifty. Funk tried a moonsault, Lex kind of moved out of the way, so Funk ended up landing head first on Lex and the rest of his body slamming into a chair. Lex is DQ'd after a chair shot. This actually wasn't nearly as awful as I imagined.
TO THE BACK. Jarrett vs Sid will be a title match. The US Title. Jeff throws a fit. Nash has the nurses spray whipped cream in his mouth. Sid is confused, but then starts laughing. Back to the wedding, Daffney caught the bouquet and David/Crowbar crash the party, destroying the cake. Madden says he can't believe that a cake would end up like that in a pro wrestling segment and has never seen such a thing. Tony, obviously lacking a sarcasm detect, says "Oh yes you have".
Harlem Heat 2K vs Crowbar/David Flair vs Mamalukes. The four non black dudes are covered in cake. Ahmed looks like Jim Neidhart when he wrestled Jay Lethal on Impact. I don't understand how he got THAT fat in just a couple of years. It's amazing. Actually, he looks like a giant baby in a onesie. I wonder if he was offered a contract without anyone having seen him for 3 years. Vito cradled Stevie Ray after David hit Stevie with the crowbar. Which he immediately no sold after the 3 count. He went for a slap jack on Disco, which Ahmed decided to make a spiked version at the last second. As he was half way down. And by shoving Disco's legs UP instead of down, which made it look like Disco easily could have broken his neck if Stevie hadn't held on to him. Then Ahmed went for the PRP on Vito. He barely got him over, couldn't sit out on it, and Vito ended up landing on Ahmed's BACK somehow. Then he tried it on JTB, which was marginally better, because Stevie Ray helped him with it. After this, David and Crowbar beat the FUCK out of the Marmadukes with the pipe and crowbar until security break it up. Stretcher job. Only one. For 3 men.
TO THE BACK. The Italian women are freaking out. Especially grandma. Chris Champag ne Kanyon is back to talk with Mean Gene about Ready to Rumble. Dustin Rhodes is a terrible actor, unlike Oliver Platt and David Arquette. Bam Bam is walking to the arena. I could swear he was actually carrying an old ECW Championship instead of the WCW Hardcore title. Idk, maybe that title was just that much of a knock off. The Mamalukes are being put into ambulances, but they all get up and scream for Mean Gene. Just like that YAK he fucked after Thunder a few weeks ago.
Bam Bam vs The Wall for the Hardcore Championship. The prematch graphic is for the WCW Heavyweight Championship, but it is only on screen for about a second. You'd think that maybe The Wall would have had a name change after breaking up with Berlyn. The pun name doesn't really work with out the other half. Man, this match makes me miss Hardore Hak. I loved Sandman's WCW run. Of all the ECW guys that made it through WCW in the last 2 years, his might be my favorite run, even more than Lance Storm's. Bammer hit a flap jack through a table, followed by the Greetings From Asbury Park for a successful defense. Knobs attacks him after the match.
TO THE BACK. Gene is with the Mamalukes. You don't fuck with Italians in New York on the night of an Italian wedding. Sicilian Stretcher Match at Superbrawl.
The NITRO GIRLS?!?! They have a special dance for Valentines Day, which cut short both at the start and the end. Hogan was doing hype for Hogan/Flair on Imus and some other radio. Maybe they announced it on Thunder.
Dustin Rhodes vs Kanyon. Dustin took offense with Ric's treatment of Flair, due to his own daddy issues and they had an impromptu match on Thunder that Ric won with a punch with a Rolex. I think Dustin still has his Se7en music. It's really amazing how Dustin couldn't wrestle as anyone but Goldust once he picked up the gimmick, even though for most of the 2000s, he wrestled just as he would as if he were pre Goldust Dustin. Dustin wins with a Boss Man slam. He kept grabbing his dick, so they had to go in for a tight shot while he was celebrating to hide it.
TO THE BACK. Ric is doing Hindu squats. Mean Gene interviews Hulk and Jimmy Hart. Hulk says he's going to bury Ric tonight...outside of the Hudson River, but I yellowelled anyway. Booker makes his way to the arena. Gene asks him about his lame ass music. It just motivates Book to fuck up Big fat fuck T.
Booker vs The Demon. On this day, Kiss announced they were kicking off their farewell tour. Nearly 13 years later, they're still on that tour. 2 full albums and at least 15 compilation albums later. Booker wins quick with the 110th street slam.
TO THE BACK. Ric and Hulk are making their way to the arena.
Hulk Hogan vs Ric Flair. Well, the crowd does seem pretty hyped for this, at least. Michael Buffer is back for the night. Are WE ready, instead of YOU. All i could think of was ARE WE HAVING FUN YET? Frankly, Hulk looks god damn ridiculous going back to the trunks. New York missed Hulk Hogan. Tons of photogs around the ring. Nice touch. Crowd is super hot for Hogan. This is your typical Hogan/Flair formula, except the crowd is way hotter than they ever were before because it is in New York and Hogan hadn't been in NY for a match since he left the WWF. This is by far the hottest WCW crowd since the beginning of the nWo and Goldberg beating Hogan. Lex broke up the pin after Hogan hit the leg drop. Jimmy Hart cracked Lex in the head with his cast, which Lex sold longer than anything in the match with Funk. Lex fights Jimmy Hart off before Lex nails him. Then Funk comes out only to get whacked with a chair before he could even get half way in the ring. Hogan then takes out Flair and Lex on his own, with ease. Fuck it. I enjoyed it. The crowd was super hot and I actually enjoyed Mark Madden's unabashedly cheering on and marking out for Flair. And when he said that Hulk looked like a hot dog that had been left in the microwave. I was also hyped for their match in Raw in 2002, and for their tag match in TNA. I probably STILL would get excited to see crypt keeper Flair and crippled Hulk have a 5 minute match. While Hulk is doing his extended pose down, Lex comes back and drills him in the face with a bat before Pillmanizing his arm. You know what's great? Lex was feuding with Sting, who he put out of action at Starrcade. They hyped for the whole month of January that Sting would be back at the end of the month and it was teased a few times with his crow appearing in the ring or on the ramp. We're half way through February and not only is Sting nowhere to be found, but Lex is now feuding with Hulk Hogan instead.
TO THE BACK. Lol. Sid has to stop his promo with Gene and says "excuse me" after he gets very tongue tied. Gene laughed right before the cut to break.
The Cat is out to talk about hanging out with James Brown. James Brown is there, but he's too nervous to perform in front of a big audience of stupid red necks. In Long Island. His newest song plays while Cat dances. The Maestro interrupts it. You can't go toe to toe with the Stro. I'm stealing that. I don't care about tags, but that'd be great if it were my tag.
TO THE BACK. Sid and Jarrett are heading to the arena. Nash is on the phone, probably with Hall. He still has an nWo sign in his office, so maybe the nWo isn't broken up. An ad for Superbrawl plays that is actually the same ad they used for Souled Out, complete with the nWo taking control of WCW, Bret Hart, and no clips of anything after early-mid January. It's literally the same ad but with the Superbrawl logo. WCW was always SO lazy with promotional stuff. They were always using way out of date footage and pictures, sometimes YEARS out of date. I swear they would sometimes use PWI pictures in ads.
Sid vs Jarrett for the US Championship. Sid has overcome more odds than John Cena. He's won like 7 handicap cage matches, multiple matches a night, screw jobs, interference. The stuff he's had to put up with in the past month makes a year's worth of Cena struggles look like a joke. Ref bump leads to Jarrett hitting side with a belt, still couldn't get the win. So he gave Mickey Jay the Stroke. Tried it on Sid, but it was reversed into a Crossface. Harris bros came out, Jarrett hit a guitar shot and got a pin. No Scott Hall on the go home Nitro before he's in the main event of a PPV, which would be his last WCW show period.
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