Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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I had felt really bad after my double op last year. I couldn't walk for three months, and I couldn't do anything extensive for five. Even now I have aches and will continue to until around August when my recovery is set to be complete.
Oh, and combine that with not seeing any of your (few) friends for literally months as-well as have a small income then it all adds up. My Mum suffered from really bad depression during hew 20s, so I wondered if some of that had carried over. I think it was more of a being at an all-time low, rather than medically being depressed.
Oh, and combine that with not seeing any of your (few) friends for literally months as-well as have a small income then it all adds up. My Mum suffered from really bad depression during hew 20s, so I wondered if some of that had carried over. I think it was more of a being at an all-time low, rather than medically being depressed.
Hey guys, can I just vent a little? I know there is a thread for angry venting, but this one seems a little more appropriate. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, just feeling down and don't really have anyone to talk to.
It's been a few years since I'd dated anyone, and I really haven't thought about it much until recently. This new girl started working in my group at work the other week. A bunch of us ended going out for drinks the other night after work and we got to talking and goddamn, she is just cool as heck. We talked for quite a bit and I was just enthralled with her.
But of course, about half-way through our outing, she mentions that her boyfriend works close by and that he'll be joining us. He shows up and is a normal enough guy, but something just didn't sit right with me, and I'm feeling really lonely as a result. I guess it's just wishing I was with her instead.
It also doesn't help that I don't really have any friends I can just call up and ask to go hang out, that would probably help, but I'm not very talkative and it's difficult for me to meet people. It just takes a while for me to be able to feel comfortable in joining in on a conversation, people always point out that I don't talk enough, etc.
I don't know.
It's been a few years since I'd dated anyone, and I really haven't thought about it much until recently. This new girl started working in my group at work the other week. A bunch of us ended going out for drinks the other night after work and we got to talking and goddamn, she is just cool as heck. We talked for quite a bit and I was just enthralled with her.
But of course, about half-way through our outing, she mentions that her boyfriend works close by and that he'll be joining us. He shows up and is a normal enough guy, but something just didn't sit right with me, and I'm feeling really lonely as a result. I guess it's just wishing I was with her instead.
It also doesn't help that I don't really have any friends I can just call up and ask to go hang out, that would probably help, but I'm not very talkative and it's difficult for me to meet people. It just takes a while for me to be able to feel comfortable in joining in on a conversation, people always point out that I don't talk enough, etc.
I don't know.
scar tissue
Banned
sounds like a mild case of social anxietyclip said:
try smoking a joint and/or seeing a therapist
Shakala said:
Oh dear, I've been what seems like everything. I took clonazepam? to take the edge off, I take it still to help me sleep. I know I was on effexor for a while and I was also on another drug can't remember the name.
Surprisingly I quit cold turkey all my meds and did not experience any withdraws or problems, literally my life just continued on.
My therapist wants to put me on serequol to help with the obsessive thoughts that I'm having, does anybody have any experience with this drug.
Every decision in my life has been out of anxiety,fear or general obsession, I have never made a single decision in my life that I could confidently say was the right decision based on the logical evidence at hand.
Xelios I suffer with general and social anxiety disorder, everything you wrote pretty much describes me right down to the last letter. I have anxiety attacks and I start to obsessively think about things that should not bother me. I was in rehab for a while but that didn't work out so well.
I have had this condition for pretty much my whole life
Its cost me everything.
I have had this condition for pretty much my whole life
Its cost me everything.Am I the only one who gets a bit depressed watching that there are a lot people younger than you who already got money and finished their university major?, or high school mates who have a better life than yours?, or innate geniuses who could play piano perfect at the age of 5-6, or who are way smarter than us?.
Lets just say, am I the only one who gets a bit depressed with the Idea of someone being better at your same or less age?, that makes you feel helpless and worthless.
Lets just say, am I the only one who gets a bit depressed with the Idea of someone being better at your same or less age?, that makes you feel helpless and worthless.
Pakkidis said:Xelios I suffer with general and social anxiety disorder, everything you wrote pretty much describes me right down to the last letter. I have anxiety attacks and I start to obsessively think about things that should not bother me. I was in rehab for a while but that didn't work out so well.
I have had this condition for pretty much my whole life
I'm going to the Doc for the second time in 1 hour to try and get on some light benzo's (tried Valium over the weekend and the shit knocked me out both times)
but some XANAX or someshit just to deal with social shit/job interviews.
I don't come across as a social wreck when i'm speaking to people but inside my heart is pounding and i just want to run
betweenthewheels
Member
mt1200 said:
Yeah, this makes me feel shitty as well....some people have accomplished so much and currently have way more responsibilities than I could ever handle.
I'm job hunting right now and I find it constantly depressing. Job requirements always sound so damn daunting, like it's too much responsibility that I don't feel I can handle. I have depression, social anxiety and a worthless self esteem. I've been reading self help books which only seem to help short term.
I've been on this too, couldn't stop thinking about very small things, kept having the same destructive thoughts even though I could totally argue and explain to someone else why it wasn't correct or a big deal. It helped me quite well. At first it made me very sleepy, could only take them at night, later on that got a little bit better. Besides this I also had talk-therapy, it was a good combo..Pakkidis said:
Pakkidis said:
I see a few similarities here with what I am currently dealing with.
All my life I have felt insecure when I get into a relationship. Usually I am good at hiding it but if I sense something is wrong I don't talk it out, instead I run scenarios through my head like 'Shes going to leave me', or 'What if I've done something wrong'.
I just went through a break up last week and it was on my bday. Sadly I have been through one on my bday previously about 5yrs ago. It played havoc on me to the point I was reluctant to share my birthday with anyone, even to the point of closing my Facebook account down for around 36hrs during it. This year I decided to share it with my partner. We had talked about it previously and how I have had trouble dealing with it. Of course, there was something wrong but I didn't really ask her about it for fear of pushing her away by constantly askign whats wrong. Instead, I prett much said I sense shes not into this atm and do you think it's over. It was bascially a yes no question to which she said yes.
I'd been a mess since then, 4 days of constant crying and feeling like I was worthless. Went to get some meds from the doctor (Citalopram) and had a breakdown in his office, then another at work when I was talking with my boss. Now I have a week off and have started counselling sessions.
The anxiety you mentioned rings bells with me too andafter my first session yesterday we discovered I do have a lot of issues that need ironing out.
I'm 39, I have a good job but I am struggling with lack of stability and having someone in my life. It's very rare I let someone in and when I do I fear it ends because I don't communicate well. Problem is, girls never really tell you what's up when you split and then after you leave I find I am stewing on things, wondering where it went wrong, what I could've done different. All these escalate to the point I feel I have been on a path of self destruction.
Thankfully though this break up has made me realise I have issues to deal with so I am hoping things will get on track in time.
Pakkidis said:
I've been on this a while. The only trouble I had was during the first month, and even then it wasn't so bad. IIRC there was some weird sleep stuff. I like it--it definitely keeps my head on the level without invoking a stoning effect or making me tired. Speaking of sleep, I could just about swear this improved the quality of my sleep. It doesn't make me sleepy, but I'm not waking up every 2 hours. My regimen was still getting ironed out and I might be remembering something else, but at the very least I recall never having any problems with it.
This was also about the same time that I stopped spending too much time on the computer or consuming media. I wasn't that bad, but the evenings after work were basically zombie time and the weekends tended to be my only real leisure time, and sometimes not even then.
betweenthewheels
Member
Srsly said:
Good for you. I've heard a lot about dietary changes aiding depression.
I've been low carb/primal for a year now and I still have bouts of depression, though less frequent. I'm thinking about going off effexor (under supervision of my dr.) as they appear to be doing more harm than good.
betweenthewheels said:
I actually had atypical depression, which is characterized by excessive sleeping and over-eating/carb craving. Now that I think about it, my diet and the fact that I was insulin resistant may have been the cause of my depression. Before and during my depression and weight gain (they coincided) I drank tons of soda, which is probably what led to the insulin resistance in the first place. The roller-coaster of blood sugar levels couldn't have been good for my mental state and overall energy levels.
The Take Out Bandit
Member
It's back again.
Offing myself is looking like a solid plan down the road. I'm terrified of dying in some random, painful, inglorious manner. Going on my own terms looks more and more attractive by the day.
Keep making the same terrible decisions financially. Keep making the same terrible decisions when it comes to impulse control.
Hate my job, but it pays well enough and I have full benefits.
Even if I relocate I'll still be the same under educated lazy piece of crap I've always been. Headed nowhere but to the poorhouse and the grave. Life half over, can't right 35 years of wrong so easy.
It could just be the lack of sleep contributing, but really - depression keeps seeping back in. Ugh.
Offing myself is looking like a solid plan down the road. I'm terrified of dying in some random, painful, inglorious manner. Going on my own terms looks more and more attractive by the day.
Keep making the same terrible decisions financially. Keep making the same terrible decisions when it comes to impulse control.
Hate my job, but it pays well enough and I have full benefits.
Even if I relocate I'll still be the same under educated lazy piece of crap I've always been. Headed nowhere but to the poorhouse and the grave. Life half over, can't right 35 years of wrong so easy.
It could just be the lack of sleep contributing, but really - depression keeps seeping back in. Ugh.
I just got out of Crestwood Behavioral Health Center after being admitted the day after I intentionally OD'd on sedatives and went to the ER. I was inpatient 8 days.
I've now been properly diagnosed as bipolar with borderline personality and PTSD. So now I'm on mood stabilizers (Lamictal, Seroquel) and can already tell a huge difference in how I feel. I still need Klonopin for my panic attacks when I have nightmares but other than that I'm not using it anymore.
It's a shame it took so long to find a competent psychiatrist though. I switched to her while being in there. Now I'm set up for a three week 9-5 IOP program, 6 weeks emotional regulation therapy along with still visiting my individual therapist and doing the EMDR for my PTSD, after which I'm going to work on finding groups for adult survivors of abuse or something like that. So I feel I am finally on the right track.
Just thought I'd put something positive here. My psychiatrist believes anti-depressants are a no-no for bipolar people, which explains a lot of my history and lack of progress. The anxiety/agoraphobia that's a result of the PTSD is going to have to be cured through therapy; the benzos are just a band-aid.
I've now been properly diagnosed as bipolar with borderline personality and PTSD. So now I'm on mood stabilizers (Lamictal, Seroquel) and can already tell a huge difference in how I feel. I still need Klonopin for my panic attacks when I have nightmares but other than that I'm not using it anymore.
It's a shame it took so long to find a competent psychiatrist though. I switched to her while being in there. Now I'm set up for a three week 9-5 IOP program, 6 weeks emotional regulation therapy along with still visiting my individual therapist and doing the EMDR for my PTSD, after which I'm going to work on finding groups for adult survivors of abuse or something like that. So I feel I am finally on the right track.
Just thought I'd put something positive here. My psychiatrist believes anti-depressants are a no-no for bipolar people, which explains a lot of my history and lack of progress. The anxiety/agoraphobia that's a result of the PTSD is going to have to be cured through therapy; the benzos are just a band-aid.
i was on meds a few months back.. and got fed up because they weren't helping me at all and my stupid therapist wasn't helping me either by pushing me to stay on them.. so i just stopped going to see her and suddenly jus dropped the pills... yes at first i was getting major headaches...and my depression slightly worsened from withdrawal im guessing.. but eventually things leveled back out.. but im still going through the same depression i was before the meds...the meds jus didn't do shit for me is all. i dont really know what to do now... i feel hopeless sometimes and feel like this is how my life will be and i'll just have to fake being happy and push myself to do normal tasks.. but i won't ever kill myself..
and my parents aren't all that supportive. They just tell me to stay busier (which I do) so my mind isn't empty...but seriously ..that doesn't help. they think depression is just a state of mind i could change at will. But they don't understand how I can't lift myself out of these feelings no matter how hard I try. It's like the deepest of pits with no ladder out. wtf... annoys me so much...everyone just thinks I'm lazy.
betweenthewheels
Member
How do you guys cope with a career or school?
I just finished college and I'm anxious just thinking about applying. I'm trying to think of places to work that would best cater to my anxiety/depression (small place) but that's cutting my search on half. Also, the lack of self confidence means job requirements scare me off.
I just finished college and I'm anxious just thinking about applying. I'm trying to think of places to work that would best cater to my anxiety/depression (small place) but that's cutting my search on half. Also, the lack of self confidence means job requirements scare me off.
I'm disappointed with myself. I was feeling really good, June felt great, then I felt lost all of a sudden. :/
betweenthewheels, I'm still going to school, but the thought of having no excuse to not find a job after I finish school scares me. I would need to work, full-time. I have no excuses but to start working. I'm bad at interviews too. I never know how to describe myself. I'm scared to even call them about jobs. I do most of my searches online. Which is limited.
betweenthewheels, I'm still going to school, but the thought of having no excuse to not find a job after I finish school scares me. I would need to work, full-time. I have no excuses but to start working. I'm bad at interviews too. I never know how to describe myself. I'm scared to even call them about jobs. I do most of my searches online. Which is limited.
Yeah be careful with that man. College is thing that absolutely destroyed me, where my depression really reared its ugly head. I'm sort of getting over it now I think, but not before I totally destroyed my college career by just sleeping all damn day every day.betweenthewheels said:
I would say at least start out with a small college, like maybe a community college, to get your gen ed and get sort of acclimated to the way it works. That's what I wish I would have done. I have a state university and a community college in my town, I went state and really fucked myself. But maybe you're a badass and I'm a pussy, I don't know.
Just the small amount (50mg) of Lamictal has made me extremely photosensitive. So much I wore a long sleeve white shirt under my T-shirt, have barely been in the sun at all and woke up with my arms red and that terrible sunburned feeling.
I'm pretty sure it's not "the rash" and is some form of extreme photosensitivity. Dr. seems to agree but has told me to skip the next two doses just in case, and I have a feeling I'm going to have to go off it regardless because I'd probably be incinerated at an increase to optimal mg/day. Which sucks because it seemed to already be keeping the lows at bay and is supposed to be the most effective in that department for bipolar II. Kinda feeling sick over it.
I'm pretty sure it's not "the rash" and is some form of extreme photosensitivity. Dr. seems to agree but has told me to skip the next two doses just in case, and I have a feeling I'm going to have to go off it regardless because I'd probably be incinerated at an increase to optimal mg/day. Which sucks because it seemed to already be keeping the lows at bay and is supposed to be the most effective in that department for bipolar II. Kinda feeling sick over it.
Alpha-Bromega
Member
has anyone got to the point in there depression where they no longer even care about being depressed? as in the shock, the active derision against your mindset just goes away and you finally just 'accept' being miserable?
I'm here and it's rad! nihilism all up in here
I'm here and it's rad! nihilism all up in here
disappeared
Banned
Alpha-Bromega said:
I remember feeling that. That was about the time I drove my car off of an overpass.
themustardman
Member
Pakkidis said:
I'm on seroquel 25mg atm. It's worked quite well for dealing with my OCD/insomnia. Like others have said it greatly improved my sleep quality. The only side effects you'll have to deal with are being INCREDIBLY tired and groggy if you don't get at least 7ish hours of sleep. I've also been experiencing some very odd and vivid dreams lately, but nothing too extreme.
Alpha-Bromega
Member
i don't even actively think about suicide anymore, i've just accepted i want to die deep down. driving off an overpass was already in my head except it's someone elses car that i drive when i come home from Uni, and i'd hate to ruin someone elses car.
i also would always consider not to kill myself in a way that inconveniences others, as stupid as that sounds. like "man that ruins my day, moving this body. now we have to clean the carpet! fuck!"
this is really my mindset about it, pretty sad i guess
i also would always consider not to kill myself in a way that inconveniences others, as stupid as that sounds. like "man that ruins my day, moving this body. now we have to clean the carpet! fuck!"
this is really my mindset about it, pretty sad i guess
The Seroquel makes me sleep very well, but it also makes me eat very well. My appetite is crazy on it. I'm very slim and afraid of what it's gonna do to me, but it regulates my mood well also. I'm probably on too high a dose (200mg).
Haven't had any low lows or suicidal thoughts on this and the Lamictal, but now that I'm possibly going off the Lamictal we'll see.
Haven't had any low lows or suicidal thoughts on this and the Lamictal, but now that I'm possibly going off the Lamictal we'll see.
disappeared
Banned
Alpha-Bromega said:
Funny follow-up to that story. I was in a three-year-long fight with the insurance company over the car I totaled. I started making payments on it, monthly, starting last month.
Alpha-Bromega
Member
disappeared said:
things like that would tie me to this paltry existence far more than family or friends. can't have unpaid dues for others to take responsibility of
la flama blanca
Banned
I recently recovered from a severe panic disorder + post traumatic stress from a crazy upbringing that was triggered by a family member attempting to commit suicide. Have been to the hospital nearly a dozen times absolutely convinced that I was having a heart attack and then my anxiety manifested into irrational fears of choking and nearly died from not eating or drinking anything for a month and a half. It took nearly 5 years as I am strictly opposed to using any pills, did it with willpower and a weekly visit to a therapist. I now have light anxiety, but my social skills are absolutely broken as I have really low self esteem. I am pretty much the complete opposite of what I was before everything happened. I can't stop thinking about how confident and adventurous I used to be...
Alpha-Bromega said:
Sorry, I don't know the rest of your story - just jumped in at the last page. But you do realise that your actual death (as in, the emotional turmoil of you no longer existing) would inconvenience others far more than the act of cleaning up the scene, right?
Instead of thinking about who's going to have to clean up the mess, think about who's going to be shocked, bawling their eyes out because you're no longer with them. Think about how much that would hurt and how long that would affect them. And whether you believe it or not, these people most definitely exist.
From even just reading a single post of yours, it would depress and sadden me to think you're no longer alive. Imagine the impact that would have on people you've known your whole life.
fragilebroken
Neo Member
Bipolar I diagnosis here, back to the guinea pig stage of meds, for the 5th or 6th time in 9 years. I was quasi-stable for a while, maybe about eight months most recently, but my body adjusts readily to any and every medication and it stops working eventually. Almost two years ago I was in the hospital over my birthday and this year isn't looking any better.
Things started getting pretty bad again a few months ago and we started fucking with my meds, one at a time - so we know what does what - and I don 't have the patience anymore, assuming I ever did. I'm on head med 23 or something. I'm out of mood stabilizers to try; I'm out of anti-psychotics to try, but I'm trying one anyway because I was afraid to be on just an anti-depressant. I'm coming off Strattera so I can try some brand new anti-depressant while I'm still on Wellbutrin.
My last appointment my psychiatrist finally brought up non-drug options like TMS (trans-cranial magnetic stimulation) and ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) but they're super expensive, have possibly severe side effects, or both.
WTF am I supposed to do? My bf is afraid to get a job (which would alleviate some stress) because then I'd be home alone a lot and I get creatively destructive when I don't feel good.
Things started getting pretty bad again a few months ago and we started fucking with my meds, one at a time - so we know what does what - and I don 't have the patience anymore, assuming I ever did. I'm on head med 23 or something. I'm out of mood stabilizers to try; I'm out of anti-psychotics to try, but I'm trying one anyway because I was afraid to be on just an anti-depressant. I'm coming off Strattera so I can try some brand new anti-depressant while I'm still on Wellbutrin.
My last appointment my psychiatrist finally brought up non-drug options like TMS (trans-cranial magnetic stimulation) and ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) but they're super expensive, have possibly severe side effects, or both.
WTF am I supposed to do? My bf is afraid to get a job (which would alleviate some stress) because then I'd be home alone a lot and I get creatively destructive when I don't feel good.
fragilebroken
Neo Member
Pointless update: Had an emergency appointment this morning based on an email I sent yesterday. My psychiatrist - who I've been seeing for eight of the eight and a half years I've been dealing with this - basically admitted that he's out of ideas. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? I am now more hopeless than I was, and I didn't even know that was possible. Why the fuck do there have to be so many people it would fuck up for me to just off myself? It's my parents' fault I'm like this based nature and/or nurture, but I'm still the one who has to deal with all the shit. Fuck this.
I'm sorry to hear about the Bipolar I. My paternal grandfather was Bipolar I and was in and out of hospitals and treatment his entire life. He'd always get the mania w/ psychosis a few times a year at least. I remember him as "normal" most of the time though, so there are lots of good memories. If he would've committed suicide it would have been devastating because we all loved him so much. His dying naturally was hard enough, even with us knowing how difficult his life was. I would have figured they've come a long way with treatment since then but I guess not. I hope you eventually get it under control for good.
Alright this is really embarrassing, but I need to share. Maybe it'll make someone laugh at least.
I had to throw away everything that contained sugar in the house so I wouldn't eat it. The Seroquel has made the cravings that strong. But wait...
Later on I went and dug something out of the garbage and ate it. First time in my life. There was even some old wet cat food down in there somewhere with it. WTF.
I called my Dr. because this is insane; it's like I have no control over myself near sugar. For the first time in my life I think I know what an addict feels like. I'm trading my physical health for my mental health here, and I just can't do it. For now she's just lowered the dose from 200mg to 150 though. I was so ashamed I didn't tell her about the garbage part but maybe I should have.
I've been slim all my life, work out off and on and rarely cave in to carbs/sugar so it's definitely the medicine. Edit: and great, new page to amplify the shame.
I had to throw away everything that contained sugar in the house so I wouldn't eat it. The Seroquel has made the cravings that strong. But wait...
Later on I went and dug something out of the garbage and ate it. First time in my life. There was even some old wet cat food down in there somewhere with it. WTF.
I called my Dr. because this is insane; it's like I have no control over myself near sugar. For the first time in my life I think I know what an addict feels like. I'm trading my physical health for my mental health here, and I just can't do it. For now she's just lowered the dose from 200mg to 150 though. I was so ashamed I didn't tell her about the garbage part but maybe I should have.
I've been slim all my life, work out off and on and rarely cave in to carbs/sugar so it's definitely the medicine. Edit: and great, new page to amplify the shame.
thisis4neogaf
Neo Member
fragilebroken said:
Be brave and get a new psychiatrist. Ever noticed that when you're working on a project for long enough, you lose sight of the bigger picture and you can quite see the smaller details anymore? You know it inside and out but you're too close to it - maybe that's how your therapist is with you.
Maybe try someone completely different. Do your research - maybe you'll click better with someone else and they'll try new things (even old things that you've tried years ago - age can change you so what didn't work then might work now).
Don't lose hope that you can work through this. That's what you do.
xelios said:
Seroquel eh?
What a fun drug. I was put on something like 800 mg and won't you know, I went from 195 pounds to 270 in about a year. Finally my doctor took me off and four years later I'm down to 216 but boy do I have some vicious stretch marks.
So yea, eating food out of the trash is no biggie if you're on seroquel lol.
Az987 said:
Holy shit. I'm so gonna keep complaining until I'm off this one or at least at a dose where I'm not desperate enough to eat out of the garbage. Even 25mg puts me to sleep (I have insomnia for years) but she claims I'm on more for my mood, which I understand. I guess to prevent hypomania. But seriously, you have to weigh the side effects with the benefits.
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